Wings (1990–1997): Season 2, Episode 1 - The Puppet Master - full transcript

[seagulls cawing]

[tires screeches]

ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF
SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 16

FROM NEW BEDFORD,

AND WELCOME TO
OUR LOVELY ISLAND
OF NANTUCKET.

AS YOU STROLL
THROUGH TOWN,

YOU'LL PROBABLY NOTICE
MY PRIZE-WINNING ROSE GARDEN.

PLEASE DON'T PICK
THE FLOWERS.

I HAVE A FUNGO BAT,
AND I'M NOT AFRAID
TO USE IT.

[plane engine roaring]

[whistling]



HELEN.
YEAH?

WHAT TIME SHOULD
I PICK YOU UP?
PICK ME UP? FOR WHAT?

YOU DON'T REMEMBER?
AH. JOE, HELP ME OUT HERE.

HAVEN'T I BEEN TALKING
ABOUT THIS DATE ALL WEEK?

YOU TALK ALL THE TIME.
I TRY NOT TO LISTEN.

BRIAN, IF THIS IS
ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR
ATTEMPTS AT GETTING ME

TO GO OUT
ON A DATE WITH YOU,
FORGET ABOUT IT.

HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?

I DON'T DATE PILOTS.

AH, YEAH, YOU'VE USED
THAT EXCUSE AT LEAST
A ZILLION TIMES.

AT LONG LAST,
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT
AGAINST PILOTS?

LOOK, I GREW UP
IN THIS AIRPORT.
I KNOW YOU GUYS.

IT'S LIKE YOU ALL
ARE MEMBERS OF SOME
EXCLUSIVE LITTLE CLUB

THAT NONE OF
THE REST OF US CAN JOIN.



YOU ACT SO SMUG.
SO SUPERIOR.

WELL, CAN YOU FLY
A PLANE?

NO, NO, REALLY? OH, OH,
TAKE A GUY LIKE JOE.

ROCK SOLID,
OWNS HIS OWN AIRLINE,

A TAD BORING,
BUT OF GOOD YANKEE STUFF.
WHAT ABOUT HIM?

YEAH. WHAT ABOUT ME?

SEE, HE MAY SEEM
A LITTLE MORE GROWN-UP
ON THE SURFACE,

BUT UNDERNEATH
THAT HAIRLESS CHEST

BEATS THE HEART
OF A PILOT.

I GOT A LITTLE.

YOU'RE LOOKING
TOO FAR DOWN, JOE.

SO, ENLIGHTEN US.
WHAT'S YOUR IDEA
OF THE PERFECT MAN?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

SOLID, SENSITIVE
AND DEPENDABLE.

BUT WITH A SENSE
OF WHIMSY.

A LOVE OF MUSIC AND CHILDREN,

A SENSE OF COMMITMENT,
BUT A RESPECT
FOR MY INDEPENDENCE.

ADVENTUROUS
YET A HOMEBODY.

BUT I REALLY HADN'T
THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT MUCH.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT, HELEN,
BUT KERMIT IS A FROG.

SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT
IF MR. RIGHT WALTZED IN HERE
AND HE WAS A PILOT,

YOU STILL WOULD NOT
GO OUT WITH HIM?

ABSOLUTELY.

PILOTS AND COMMITMENT
DON'T MIX.

OH, COME ON, HELEN.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE
PILOTS IN THE WORLD
WHO ARE HAPPILY MARRIED?

I KNOW BOTH OF THEM
AND THEY'RE CHEATING
ON THEIR WIVES.

HEY, FAY,

YOU KNOW HOW I'VE BEEN
COMPLAININ' I CAN NEVER
GET A HOLD OF LOWELL

WHEN I NEED HIM?
UH-HUH.

WELL, MY COMMUNICATION
PROBLEMS ARE OVER.
WATCH THIS.

HEY, LOWELL,
I NEED YOU
AT THE COUNTER.

HEY, ROY,
HOW YOU DOING?

DID YOU SEE THAT, FAY?

THIS THING WORKS
LIKE A CHARM.

HAVE YOU SEEN
THAT WALKIE-TALKIE
YOU GAVE ME?

THERE IT IS.

NOW, IF YOU NEED ME,

CALL ME ON THIS THING
AND I'LL BE HERE
ON THE DOUBLE.

[plane engine droning]

[humming]

SCHUBERT.
THE TROUT QUINTET.

FOURTH MOVEMENT.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE PIECE
OF CHAMBER MUSIC.

MINE, TOO.

I THINK OF ALL THE PIECES
OF MUSIC ABOUT FISH,

IT'S BY FAR
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.

[bell ringing]
HEY, JOE, JOE,
JOE, JOE.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

YOU, UH, YOU ENJOY THEATER,
DON'T YOU?

YEAH, WHY?

THE CURTAIN'S RISING,
IT'S ACT ONE, SCENE ONE
OF THE NEW SMASH HIT PLAY,

HELEN MEETS HER DREAM GUY
BY BRIAN HACKETT.

WHAT ARE YOU
BABBLING ABOUT?

(Brian)
I HIRED THAT MAN DOWN THERE
TO BE HELEN'S DREAM GUY.

(Joe)
WHAT?

HE'S ACTUALLY MATT SARGENT,
DISTINGUISHED ACTOR,

NOTED FOR MANY MAGNIFICENT
PERFORMANCES SUCH AS

BIFF IN DEATH OF A SALESMAN,
MERCUTIO IN ROMEO AND JULIET.

CURRENTLY,
HE'S THE TRUCK DRIVER IN
THAT MILK OF MAGNESIA AD.

OH, YEAH.

HE'S GOOD IN THAT.
VERY CONVINCING DISCOMFORT.

I CAME OVER TO THE ISLAND
TO DO A LITTLE PAINTING.

OH, REALLY?

WATER COLORS? OILS?

VARNISH. I'M DOING THE DECK
ON MY SUMMER PLACE.

[both laughing]

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BITE.
WHY IS HE PRETENDING TO BE
HELEN'S DREAM GUY?

IT'S A BRILLIANT PLAN.

MATT IS GONNA BE EVERYTHING
HELEN EVER WANTED
IN A GUY AND MORE,

AND THEN HE'S GONNA TELL HER
THAT HE'S A PILOT.

IF HELEN STILL GOES OUT
ON A DATE WITH HIM,

THEN SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO USE ANY ONE OF THOSE FLIMSY
EXCUSES ON ME EVER AGAIN.

BRIAN, DO I HAVE TO
TELL YOU HOW STUPID
THIS IDEA IS?

PLEASE DO, JOE.
JUST FOR OLD-TIME'S SAKE.
I MISS IT SO.

YOU'RE GOING THROUGH
AN AWFUL LOT OF TROUBLE.

DO YOU REALLY WANT
A DATE WITH HER THAT BADLY?

JOE, I'M USED TO HAVING
WOMEN EITHER LOVING ME
OR HATING ME.

AND THIS BIZARRE MIDDLE GROUND
OF ADULT MATURE FRIENDSHIPS
JUST MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL.

ALL RIGHT.
SO YOU GET A DATE.
WHAT'S NEXT?

I DON'T KNOW, JOE.
I'M NOT YOU.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW
EVERYTHING IN ADVANCE.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW
THAT WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN
NEXT TUESDAY NIGHT FOR DINNER.

ROAST PORK.
IT'LL NEVER WORK, BRIAN.
YES, IT WILL.

BECAUSE I'M AN EXPERT
AT MANIPULATING PEOPLE.

I HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL
OVER THE HUMAN PSYCHE.

I AM

THE PUPPET MASTER.

WATCH HOW MY MARIONETTES
DANCE FOR ME.

AH, FINALLY, SOMEONE
WHO HATES SUSHI.

I JUST DON'T GET IT.
AH!

(Brian)
HIGH ON A HILL WAS
A LONELY GOATHERD

LAY EE ODL LAY
EE ODL LAY HEE HOO

[barks]

(Lowell on walkie-talkie)
THIS IS RED RAIDER
CALLING RAGING STALLION.

COME IN,
RAGING STALLION.

THIS IS RAGING STALLION.

WHAT?

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

ALTHOUGH I CERTAINLY
COULD HAVE.

THIS IS
AEROMASS BUSINESS, FAY.

IT DOES NOT
CONCERN YOU.

COME IN, RED RAIDER.

CAN I TALK TO FAY?

[clears throat]
UH, OK, OK.

LOWELL NEEDS TO
TALK TO, UH, TO YOU.

HELLO, THIS IS FAY.

DID YOU BRING THAT
SCAMPI RECIPE IN TODAY?

YES, I DID.
DO YOU WANT IT NOW?

SURE. LET ME FIND
A PENCIL AND PAPER HERE.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

OH, MADE IN KOREA.

THEY EAT DOGS THERE,
YOU KNOW?

FIRE AWAY.

UM, ALL RIGHT,
RED RAIDER.

TAKE ONE POUND OF SHRIMP,
SHELLED AND DEVEINED.

EXCUSE ME,
BUT WHO IS SHELDON DEVANE?

I KNOW ALMOST ALL OF
THE PEOPLE ON THIS ISLAND.

THAT IS SHELLED
AND DEVEINED, YOU IDIOT!

WHICH IS EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO YOU

IF YOU DON'T
GET BACK TO WORK.

ROGER, RAGING STALLION.

PSST.

FAY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

UH, YES, LOWELL.

DON'T BE CONSPICUOUS,
BUT CAN YOU SEE ROY

FROM WHERE YOU ARE?

YES, I CAN.

IS HIS FACE REALLY RED
LIKE A TOMATO?

YES, IT IS.

UH-OH. I'LL BE HIDING OUT
BEHIND THE UTILITY SHED.

DON'T TELL ROY.

HE WON'T HEAR IT FROM ME.

GOOD MORNING, HELEN.

NO, IT'S NOT
A GOOD MORNING.

IT IS A GREAT MORNING.
IT IS A FANTASTIC MORNING.

IT'S THE KIND OF MORNING
THAT JUST MAKES LIFE
WORTH LIVING.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
IT'S A KIND OF MORNING

WHEN YOU WANNA
SPRAY YOURSELF
WITH LEMON PLEDGE

AND SLIDE DOWN
A BANNISTER.

WHY SO CHIPPER?

I MET A GUY.

OH, REALLY?

WE WENT ON A DATE
LAST NIGHT

AND I HAD
THE BEST TIME.

CANDLELIGHT DINNER,
CAPPUCCINO ON THE WHARF,
TERRIFIC SEX.

WHAT?

JUST SEEING
IF YOU WERE LISTENING.

YOU KNOW I HATE CAPPUCCINO.

HEY, HERE HE COMES.

OOH, HE'S
A HANDSOME BRUTE.

I SAW THIS IN A GARDEN
THIS MORNING
AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

AND I KNEW
YOU HAD TO HAVE IT.

THAT'S VERY SWEET.
THANK YOU.

IT WASN'T EASY, THOUGH.
SOME CRAZY LADY CHASED ME
5 BLOCKS WITH A FUNGO BAT.

UH, MATT, I'D LIKE
TO INTRODUCE YOU TO
JOE AND BRIAN HACKETT.

HOW ARE YOU, JOE?
HI, MATT.

HMM. SO,
YOUNG MATTHEW, UH,

WHERE DO YOU HAIL FROM?
NEW YORK.

OH, REALLY?
AND WHAT DO YOU DO THERE?

I FLY.
I'M A PILOT FOR PAN AM.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

YOU NEVER TOLD
ME THAT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT NEVER CAME UP.

OH, WELL, LISTEN,
I HAVE TO RUN.

I CAME BY TO TELL YOU
THAT I WILL PICK YOU UP
TONIGHT AT 8:00.

NICE TO MEET YOU, FELLAS.

BYE, MATT.

OH, DARN, DARN,
DARN, DARN.

ISN'T THAT JUST LIKE LIFE?

YOU THINK YOU'VE FOUND
THE PERFECT GUY AND WHAM,

YOU GET HIT
RIGHT IN THE TEETH, HUH!

IF ONLY IT WASN'T FOR THAT
DANG NO-DATING-PILOTS RULE
OF YOURS.

[clicks tongue]
HUH.

OH, THAT.

[razzing]

[razzing]
SHE SAYS.

MY PLAN HAS WORKED
TO PERFECTION.

NOW SHE NO LONGER HAS
ANY MORE EXCUSES TO NOT
GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME.

WAIT, BRIAN, ARE YOU SURE
YOU THOUGHT THIS
ALL THE WAY THROUGH?

JOE, JOE, YOU DOUBT
THE PUPPET MASTER?

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
GO WRONG WITH THIS PLAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT, BRIAN?
I'M DONE WITH DATING RULES.

OH, REALLY?
YUP.

FROM NOW ON,
MATT'S THE ONLY GUY FOR ME.

I'M IN LOVE.

ANY MORE BRIGHT IDEAS,
GEPPETTO?

WAY TO GO, BRIAN.

YOU MANAGED TO GET HELEN,
WHO YOU WANNA GO OUT WITH,
TO FALL FOR A GUY

WHO TURNS OUT TO BE A PILOT
SO SHE WON'T GO OUT WITH HIM,
BUT WITH YOU INSTEAD.

IF WE WERE TO DIAGRAM
THAT SENTENCE,

EXACTLY WHERE WOULD YOU
PUT THE GERUND?

I THINK
YOU KNOW WHERE.

YOU ARE GONNA
TELL HER THE TRUTH.

NO, NO. NO, NO.

THAT'S NOT AN OPTION.
WHY NOT?

ALL RIGHT,
LET ME ASK YOU THIS:

HAVE YOU EVER HAD
THE SLIGHTEST ROMANTIC
INTEREST IN HELEN?

BRIAN, I TOLD YOU
WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS,
THAT'S ALL.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
ARE YOU SAYING

THAT YOU'VE NEVER FELT
THE FAINTEST ATTRACTION,

THE TINIEST YEARNING,
THE MOST FLEETING
MISFIRING OF A NERVE

IN YOUR NETHER REGIONS?

MAYBE--
WELL, YOU CAN FORGET
THAT PIPE DREAM, BUDDY.

BECAUSE IF SHE FINDS OUT
YOU'RE IN ON THIS SCHEME
YOU ARE HISTOIRE, MAN.

[sighs]

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

DOES THIS MEAN
ANYTHING TO YOU?

ISN'T THAT
THE WAY DEAF PEOPLE
SAY SPARKLING WATER?

MATT. DID ANYBODY
SEE YOU COME IN HERE?

JUST SOME GUY IN COVERALLS
SINGING MOON RIVER
INTO A WALKIE-TALKIE.

MAYBE I SHOULD, UH...
NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S OK.

JOE'S ONE OF US.

OH.

SO HOW AM I DOIN'?

FINE.

REALLY? 'CAUSE I THINK
I'VE GOT A HANDLE ON
THIS MATT CHARACTER.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
BUT WE JUST HAVE
A--A SLIGHT PROBLEM HERE.

OH, YOU HATED ME.

NO, NO, NO,
WE LOVED YOU.

BUT SO DID HELEN.
SHE'S FALLEN FOR YOU.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

SO W-WE'VE GOT
A SLIGHT CHANGE
IN OUR GAME PLAN.

YOU HAVE TO
MAKE HELEN

NOT WANT TO SEE YOU
EVER AGAIN.

OH, IMPROVISATION.
I LIKE THAT.

I'M THINKING ON MY FEET.
I'M THINKING ON MY FEET.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

NO, NO, NO.
IT'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING GOOD.

HEY.

UH, WHAT IF MATT TELLS HELEN
TO QUIT PLAYING THE CELLO.

SHE'D NEVER
GIVE UP MUSIC.

WHY, JOE,
YOU LOVABLE WEASEL.

UH, WHY WOULD
I DO THAT?

WELL, YOU COULD SAY

THAT YOU LOVE HER
SO MUCH

THAT YOU CAN'T BEAR
TO SHARE HER
WITH HER MUSIC.

IT'S GOOD.
THAT'S VERY GOOD.

I DON'T KNOW, GUYS.
I DON'T THINK THAT FITS IN
VERY WELL WITH MY CHARACTER.

I MEAN,
WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION?

ANOTHER $50?

I CAN MAKE THAT WORK.

BRIAN, ARE YOU DONE
WITH MY COMPACT?
SHH!

FAY, FAY, FAY,
WE'RE TRYING TO SPY
ON MATT AND HELEN.

OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?

[exclaims]

HERE IT COMES, JOE,
HERE IT COMES.

THIS IS WHERE
MATT TELLS HELEN
TO GIVE UP THE CELLO.

POOR KID,
SHE LOOKS LIKE
SHE'S IN SHOCK.

MMM-HMM. NOW WATCH.

WATCH, JOE.
WATCH HOW SKILLFULLY

THE PUPPET MASTER
GUIDES OUR HEROINE

THROUGH THESE
EMOTIONAL SHRILLS.

SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE MATT.
HE CAN'T MEAN
WHAT HE JUST SAID.

UH, BUT MATT'S SAYING,
YES, YES, HE DID MEAN IT.

UH, AND NOW COMES
THE CLIMAX OF
OUR LITTLE PLAY

WHERE HELEN
DEFIANTLY DECLARES

THAT SHE WILL NOT GIVE UP
THE CELLO FOR ANY MAN.

OH, MY GOD!

MAYBE SHE MISUNDERSTOOD
THE QUESTION.

HELEN, HELEN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MATT ASKED ME
TO GIVE UP THE CELLO
FOR HIM,

SO I DID.

I'LL BE READY TO GO
IN A MINUTE.

HEY--
MATT, MATT.

THIS HAS GOTTEN
OUT OF HAND.

Y-YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TELL HELEN
THE TRUTH.

I'M AFRAID THAT THERE'S
A LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM
WITH THAT, GUYS.

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE
WITH HER.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

HELEN'S WONDERFUL.

SHE GAVE UP
THE CELLO FOR ME.

BUT YOU'RE NOT YOU.

YOU'RE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
I HIRED YOU TO PLAY A PART.

HERE'S YOUR MONEY BACK.

I'M NOT ACTING
ANYMORE, GUYS.

I LOVE HER.

LISTEN, HONEY,
I KNOW THAT THIS IS SUDDEN.

BUT IF WE FEEL
THE WAY THAT WE DO,
YEAH?

WHY SHOULD WE WAIT?

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

MARRY YOU?
I CAN ANSWER THAT.

YES, OF COURSE
I WILL.

YES, OF COURSE--
WHAT?

TELL ME ONE GOOD REASON
I SHOULDN'T BEAT
THE HELL OUT OF YOU?

I'M ON
YOUR MEDICAL PLAN.

LOOK, JOE. JOE, JOE.

I KNOW THINGS
SEEM A BIT CONVOLUTED
AT THE MOMENT,

BUT DON'T WORRY,
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.

YOU FORGET I AM--

THE VILLAGE IDIOT?
CORRECT.

YOU ARE GONNA HAVE
TO TELL HER THE TRUTH.
WHAT, NOW?

NO, ON THEIR
GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

OK, OK.
GO AHEAD.

OK, I'M--I'M GOING.

GO AHEAD.
I'M GOING.

LOOK, UH, HELEN,

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
TO YOU AND YOU MIGHT NOT
BE TOO HAPPY.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST
I'VE EVER BEEN.

LISTEN, HELEN.

MATT'S AN ACTOR.
I HIRED HIM
TO PLAY A PILOT.

I KNOW.

YOU WHAT?

MATT TOLD ME,
AND I DON'T CARE.

AND YOU STILL
LOVE HIM?

OF COURSE I DO.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
MATT, THE ACTOR?

MATT "HOW AM I DOING"
SARGENT?

ISN'T HE GREAT?

CAMUS WAS RIGHT.
LIFE IS ABSURD.

H-HELEN, UH, I HAVE TO
TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

HELEN, YOU CAN'T
MARRY MATT.

JOE, I DON'T SEE ANY REASON
WHY I SHOULDN'T, DO YOU?

NO.

WELL, YES, YES.
THERE IS A REASON.

UH, I DON'T KNOW QUITE
HOW TO PUT THIS BUT, WELL...

I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D DO THIS.
NOT LIKE THIS.

NOT NOW.

HEY, UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

JOE, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN'?

WHAT HAPPENED TO
"WE'RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS"?

HELEN,
OH, GOD.

HELEN, I LOVE YOU.

HEY, BACK OFF, BUDDY.
SHE LOVES ME.

I'VE LOVED YOU
FOR A LONG TIME.

IF I MEAN ANYTHING
AT ALL TO YOU, DON'T GO.

WHOA, WHOA.
SENSORY OVERLOAD. WHOA.

JOE, I NEVER KNEW
YOU FELT THIS WAY.

HELEN, HELEN,
WHAT ABOUT US?

SHE LOVES ME,
DON'T YOU, HELEN?

HELEN?

UM...

MATT, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO SAY THIS TO YOU,

BUT I GUESS I'VE ALWAYS
LOVED JOE EVER SINCE
WE WERE KIDS.

I JUST NEVER KNEW
HE FELT THE SAME WAY.
HELEN.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU LOVE JOE NOW?

WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU'RE GONNA DUMP ME
JUST LIKE THAT? I THOUGHT--

HEY, GET YOUR HANDS
OFF HER.

YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME?

YOU GOT ANOTHER
THING COMIN', JOE.

HEY, HEY,
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
HEY, NOW, TAKE IT EASY NOW.

HELEN AND I
BELONG TOGETHER.

I LOVE HER.

YEAH, OF COURSE
YOU LOVE HER.
WE ALL LOVE HER.

SHE'S A SWEETIE.
SHE'S A CUTIE. SHE'S TO
DIE FOR-- WRONG PHRASE.

SHUT UP!

SHUTTING UP.
SHUTTING UP.

MATT, DON'T DO THIS.
WE CAN ALL
TALK ABOUT THIS.

DOES THAT MEAN
YOU'LL MARRY ME?

HE IS QUITE A CATCH.

I THOUGHT
I TOLD YOU-- HEY!

OH, GOD! BE CAREFUL.
JEEZ, NO!

[crashing]

(Helen)
OH, MY GOD.

[gun firing]

OH, NO.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

JOE. JOE, WAIT, WAIT!

OH, GOD.

HELEN, ALL I WANTED WAS
A MEASLY DATE FROM YOU.

I DIDN'T EXPECT
THIS TO HAPPEN.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T GO IN THERE.
DON'T GO IN THERE. DON'T...

HELEN, PLEASE,
DON'T GO IN THERE.

[sobbing]

[screaming]

OH, GOD! OH, GOD!

[screams]

[both laughing]

HO!

DON'T YOU LOVE
THE LOOK ON HIS FACE?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HEY, WE'RE JUST YANKING
YOUR STRINGS THERE, BRO.
YEAH, BRIAN.

AFTER ALL, WE ARE...

(all)
THE PUPPET MASTERS.

[whooping]

(Lowell on walkie-talkie)
RAGING STALLION,
RAGING STALLION,

THIS IS RED RAIDER.
COME IN. OVER.

WHAT IS IT, LOWELL?

I HAVE A BIT OF
A PROBLEM HERE, ROY.

YOU KNOW THAT
WROUGHT IRON FENCE
BY THE UTILITY SHED?

YEAH.

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED
WHETHER THERE WAS
ENOUGH ROOM

FOR ME TO STICK MY HEAD
BETWEEN THE BARS.

WELL, I WON'T KEEP YOU
IN SUSPENSE. THERE IS.

BUT EITHER MY HEAD'S SWELLED
OR MY EARS ONLY BEND ONE WAY.

I GUESS
I'M KIND OF STUCK HERE.

DON'T PANIC, LOWELL.
I'M ON MY WAY.

I'LL BRING THE WALKIE-TALKIE
WITH ME SO WE'LL BE IN
CONSTANT COMMUNICATION.

OK, BUT DON'T TAKE
TOO LONG, ROY.

I'M STARTING TO LOSE
FEELING IN MY FACE.

HEADING HOME, ROY?
YOU BETCHA.

[laughing]
SEE YOU TOMORROW, HELEN.

GOOD NIGHT, HELEN.
GOOD NIGHT.

HEY. THANKS AGAIN
FOR TIPPING ME OFF
ABOUT MATT.

YEAH, I KNEW
RIGHT OFF THE BAT THIS WAS
A PRETTY STUPID STUNT,

EVEN BY BRIAN'S STANDARDS.

PROP GUN, FAKE CELLO.

YEAH. IT WAS FUN
STICKIN' IT TO HIM.

YEAH, IT SURE WAS.

THAT KISS SURE TOOK ME
BY SURPRISE, THOUGH.

WE TALKED ABOUT THE KISS.

NO, WE DIDN'T.

AW, I COULD SWEAR
WE DID.

I THINK I WOULD'VE
REMEMBERED.

OH, GOD, I'M SORRY.

NO, THAT'S OK. I THOUGHT
IT WORKED OUT ALL RIGHT.

YEAH. ME, TOO.

[chuckles]
IT WAS A GOOD KISS.

UH-HUH.

YOU DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS GOOD?

NO, IT WAS FINE.

FINE, BUT NOT GOOD?

[clears throat]

JOE, IT'S JUST A DIFFERENCE
IN TECHNIQUE, THAT'S ALL.

YOU'RE A STIFF-LIPPER
AND I'M A SOFT.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

WELL, I NEVER REALLY
THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE.

DOES IT MAKE
THAT MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE?

YES.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.

WHAT? YOU WANNA
KISS ME AGAIN?

OH, DON'T BE STUPID.
THIS IS JUST
AN ACTING EXERCISE.

AND JUST RELAX.

DON'T PUCKER UP
LIKE DUDLEY DO-RIGHT.
JUST RELAX YOUR LIPS.

(Lowell on walkie-talkie)
MOON RIVER,
WIDER THAN A MILE

I'M CROSSING YOU IN STYLE

SOMEDAY

GOD, I LOVE THAT SONG.

HMM.
LIKE THAT?

THAT WAS BETTER,
THAT WAS MUCH BETTER.

WELL, THANKS FOR THE TIP.

GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

CHAIRS.

[ice cubes clinking]

[sighing]

(Lowell)
HEY, LOOK AT THAT.

I JUST SAW A CAR EXACTLY
LIKE YOURS GO BY, ROY.

WHO'D HAVE GUESSED
THERE WERE 2 PURPLE
EL CAMINOS ON NANTUCKET?

WE'RE AFTER
THE SAME RAINBOW'S END

WAITING ROUND THE BEND

MY HUCKLEBERRY FRIEND

ROY, ARE YOU
MY HUCKLEBERRY FRIEND?

MOON RIVER AND ME