Wings (1990–1997): Season 1, Episode 2 - Around the World in Eighty Years - full transcript

[seagulls cawing]

WHY ARE YOU SO RESISTANT
TO CHANGE?

CAN'T YOU KEEP
AN OPEN MIND AT LEAST?

I LIKE MY FURNITURE
THE WAY IT IS.

I DON'T WANT IT REARRANGED.

YEAH. BUT MY WAY,
YOU CAN HAVE
YOUR BEER CAN,

SIT ON THE SOFA,
WATCH T.V.,

AND STILL HAVE A CLEAN,
15-FOOT HOOK SHOT
TO THE WASTEBASKET.

THE--THE OLD WAY
IS LIKE A CAROM SHOT
OFF THE CREDENZA.

DID YOU EVER CONSIDER
WALKIN' OVER

TO THE WASTEBASKET
TO THROW AWAY YOUR TRASH?



HEY, JOE, IF YOU'RE NOT
GONNA TAKE THIS DISCUSSION
SERIOUSLY, FORGET IT.

YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE YOU
CAME BACK TO NANTUCKET,

YOU'VE BEEN TRYIN' TO GET ME
TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

I DON'T WANNA CHANGE.

I HAVE A NICE, ORDERLY
EXISTENCE AND I LIKE IT.

LOOK, JOE, I'M JUST TRYIN'
TO LOOSEN YOU UP A LITTLE BIT.

YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE BIT
MORE SPONTANEOUS.

HEY, I LIKE SPONTANEITY
AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY.

I JUST NEED A LITTLE WARNING
SO IT DOESN'T COME COMPLETELY
OUT OF NOWHERE.

HEY, HELEN, WAIT A SECOND.

HOW DID YOU LIKE
MY NEW IN-FLIGHT SNACK?

I MEANT TO ASK YOU, ROY,
WHAT WAS THAT?

TOFU.

IT CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT.



OK, I WANT IT
KEPT AWAY FROM ME.

HEY, HELEN,
HOW DID YOUR AUDITION GO?

OH, LIKE ANY OTHER
SYMPHONY AUDITION
I'VE EVER HAD.

I WENT, I PLAYED, THEY YAWNED.

NOW I GET TO WAIT
FOR A PHONE CALL
THAT WILL NEVER COME.

WELL, ON THE POSITIVE SIDE,
YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE PIECE
OF TOFU

IN THE CORNER OF YOUR MOUTH.

THAT'S WHY THE GUY
ON THE PLANE KEPT GOIN'...

I THOUGHT
HE WAS COMIN' ON TO ME.

HEY, HE'S STILL HERE.
WHO? WHAT?

THAT OLD GUY SITTIN'
OVER THERE.

HE WAS HERE
WHEN I LEFT YESTERDAY.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, SISTER.

HE'S BEEN HERE
FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS.

HE'S PROBABLY WAITIN'
FOR ONE OF YOUR FLIGHTS.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS
I'VE BEEN KEEPIN'
AN EYE ON HIM.

HE JUST SITS THERE
MORNING TO NIGHT

READING HIS PAPER,
TAKIN' THE OCCASIONAL NAP,
MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS.

UGH, I DON'T TRUST HIM.

QUICK, HELEN,
CALL THE SWAT TEAM.

THERE'S A GUY
LOOSE IN THE AIRPORT
MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS.

YOU OUGHT TO
INTRODUCE YOURSELF, BRIAN.
MAYBE HE GIVES LESSONS.

UH, ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT THAT GENTLEMAN
OVER THERE?

YEAH. YEAH.

I'VE NOTICED HIM.
HE'S GOT SWEET EARS.

WHAT?

WHEN A MAN GETS
TO BE THAT AGE

AND HE DOESN'T HAVE HAIR
GROWING OUT OF HIS EARS,

IT'S A SIGN
OF GOOD CHARACTER.

HOWARD.
LOWELL.

[whispering]
LOWELL. LOWELL.
GET OVER HERE.

LOWELL, COME HERE.

WHO IS THAT GUY?
HOWARD BANKS.

[shushing]

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?

WELL, NOT MUCH.

HE'S A RETIRED HAT SALESMAN,
FLYING SOLO AROUND THE WORLD

IN THAT STEARMAN 2-SEATER
OUT THERE.

HIS FAVORITE COLOR IS BLUE

AND HE'S AN ARIES
WITH HIS MOON IN SCORPIO.

SORRY I COULDN'T BE
MORE HELP.

SPEAKING OF STRANGERS
LURKING AROUND THE AIRPORT,

WHAT DO WE REALLY KNOW
ABOUT LOWELL?

SAY, UH, BABE,
JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

IS THAT THE DRESS
YOU WORE TO YOUR AUDITION?

YEAH. WHY?

UH, NOTHING, NOTHING.
IT'S VERY NICE.

[snoring]

LET ME GUESS.

YOU'RE HINTING
THAT MY DRESS IS BORING.

NOT BORING, NO.

IT'S COMA-INDUCING.
IT'S A MEMBER OF
THE BARBITURATE FAMILY.

SHOULD BE SOLD
BY PRESCRIPTION ONLY.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I GET IT. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

WELL, THE CONDUCTOR'S A MAN?
YES.

YOU'RE A WOMAN?
THAT'S THE RUMOR.

WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
THE CONDUCTOR WOULD WANT
TO SEE A LITTLE LEG

IN THE CELLO SECTION
NOW AND THEN, HUH?

MAYBE A LITTLE CLEAVAGE
ON THE HIGH NOTES?

BUY A NEW DRESS!

GIVE THE MAESTRO A REASON
TO KEEP THE OLD BATON
IN THE AIR.

LEAVE IT TO YOU TO
TURN A SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

INTO A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST.

TALENT IS ALL THAT MATTERS,
BRIAN.

HUH, YEAH, RIGHT, TALENT.

NOBODY SINGS
BETTER THAN MADONNA?

NOBODY READS THE NEWS
BETTER THAN MARIA SHRIVER?

COME ON, GET WITH IT.
SEX SELLS.

BRIAN, I HAVE TOO MUCH RESPECT
FOR MYSELF, FOR MY TALENT,

AND THE WORLD OF MUSIC
TO BEHAVE LIKE SOME BIMBO.

SO, FORGET IT,
YOU KNOW NOTHING,
END OF DISCUSSION.

RIGHT.

UH, BY THE WAY, HELEN,
WHILE YOU WERE GONE

YOU GOT A MESSAGE
FROM THE CAMBRIDGE SYMPHONY.

AND I ALSO TOOK A DOUGHNUT.

WHAT WAS IT?
WHAT WAS IT?

LEMON-FILLED.

WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE,
LOWELL?

OH, THEY WANT YOU
TO COME BACK

FOR THE FINAL AUDITIONS
TOMORROW.

I GOT A CALL-BACK!
WOW!

I GOT A CALL-BACK!
HEY.

I'M SO EXCITED.
I BETTER GO PRACTICE.

WELL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA WEAR THAT DRESS
YOU BETTER PRACTICE A LOT.

BRIAN, I HAVE A LOT
OF FAITH IN MY TALENT
EVEN IF YOU DON'T.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
STRAPLESS?

SLIT UP THE SIDES? SEXY?

SPOKEN LIKE
A TRUE MUSICIAN.

UMM, UH, EXCUSE ME.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE FLYING
AROUND THE WORLD.

UH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S QUITE AN UNDERTAKING
FOR A MAN YOUR AGE.

NOT THAT YOU'RE
ANY PARTICULAR AGE.

AND--AND YOU LOOK
20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN
WHATEVER AGE YOU ARE.

THANK YOU, I THINK.

UH, I'M FAY EVELYN COCHRAN.

HOWARD BANKS.

UH, I'VE NOTICED YOU
SITTING HERE.

YES, I, UH, I'VE
KEPT AN EYE ON YOU, TOO.

[chuckling]
YES, I'VE NOTICED THAT.

I NOTICED THAT YOU NOTICED.

THIS IS GETTING SILLY.
I NOTICED THAT, TOO.

UM, I'D LOVE TO HEAR
ABOUT YOUR TRIP.

OH!

[sighing]
WELL, 2 YEARS AGO,

I LEFT MY HAT SHOP
IN NEW BEDFORD AND STARTED
FLYING AROUND THE WORLD.

NEW BEDFORD?

YOU MEAN
YOU'RE ONLY 40 MINUTES AWAY
FROM COMPLETING YOUR JOURNEY?

THAT'S RIGHT.
THEN WHY ARE YOU
SITTING AROUND HERE?

WELL, I'M IN NO HURRY.

I'VE GOT NOBODY
WAITING FOR ME AT HOME

AND I'M ENJOYING
THE LOCAL SCENERY.

[chuckling]
OH, YOU FLY-BOYS.

IMAGINE YOUR HUSBAND
ENJOYS THE SCENERY, TOO?

WELL, HE WOULD,
EXCEPT HE'S PART OF IT.

HE DIED SEVERAL YEARS AGO.

OH--OH, I'M--I'M SORRY.
THANK YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE NOT ANXIOUS

TO JUST TAKE OFF
AND FINISH YOUR TRIP.

[laughing]
BELIEVE ME, I'M NOT.

WHY?

[sighing]
WELL,

WHEN I SET BACK DOWN AGAIN

IN NEW BEDFORD,
I'M GOING TO DIE.

NOW, EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.

I SURE KNOW HOW TO PICK 'EM.

COME ON.
HELEN, HELEN,

FINAL BOARDING CALL.
LET'S GO.

OH, JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES,
BRIAN, PLEASE.

LOOK, UH, I REALLY
HATE TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE

BUT WHEN I TOLD
THE OTHER PASSENGERS
WE WERE WAITING FOR YOU

THE KINDEST RESPONSE
I GOT WAS, "DUMP THE BROAD."

THE SHOP JUST FINISHED
THE ALTERATIONS
ON MY NEW DRESS.

I CAN'T--
IT SHOULD BE HERE
ANY MINUTE NOW.

PLEASE, BRIAN,
JUST A LITTLE LONGER.

EH, UH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TRY TO STALL
THE PASSENGERS
WITH A FEW SHOW TUNES.

MAYBE SOMETHIN'
FROM A CHORUS LINE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THE ACOUSTICS
ON THE PLANE ARE GREAT.

I JUST WISH THE AISLES
WERE A LITTLE WIDER.

THIS IS GETTING WEIRDER
BY THE MINUTE.

WHAT'S WRONG, ROY?

THAT OLD KOOK WHO'S
FLYIN' AROUND THE WORLD

IS UP THERE IN THE MEN'S ROOM
BUCK NAKED

TAKING SOME KIND OF
FRENCH BATH IN THE SINK.

HE'S THE WHITEST MAN
I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT'S NOT GOING WELL AT ALL.

I STARTED SINGING
EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL
AT THE BALLET

AND SOME WOMAN WHACKED ME
WITH A FLOATATION DEVICE.

HEY, BRIAN,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU SHOULD'VE TAKEN OFF
7 MINUTES AGO.

8. YOU'RE SLIPPING.

JOE, IT'S MY FAULT.

I NEED A COUPLE
MORE MINUTES.

I'M, UH, JUST NOT
QUITE READY TO GO YET.

OH, WELL, I UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE NERVOUS
ABOUT YOUR CALL-BACK.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

AFTER ALL,
IT'S THE FIRST ONE
YOU'VE EVER HAD.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER
GOTTEN THIS FAR BEFORE.

UH-HUH.

UP TO NOW
YOU'VE FAILED EVERY AUDITION

YOU'VE EVER GONE TO.

NOW YOU'VE REACHED
THAT NEXT PLATEAU,

THE PRESSURE IS JUST
THAT MUCH MORE PARALYZING.

LET ME GUESS.
YOU'VE NEVER WORKED
A SUICIDE HOTLINE.

HUH?
NEVER MIND.

OK, LET'S GET THIS FLIGHT
IN THE AIR.

UH, WELL,
WE--WE--WE CAN'T, JOE.

WHY?

WELL, I DON'T THINK
I'M EMOTIONALLY READY
TO TAKE OFF.

ARE YOU-- ARE YOU
EMOTIONALLY READY
TO JOB HUNT?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TELL HIM.

AFTER ALL, I'M NOT A CHILD.
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.

JOE, I'M WAITING
FOR MY AUDITION DRESS

TO GET BACK
FROM THE DRESSMAKER'S.

A DRESS IS HOLDING UP
MY FLIGHT?

UH, WELL,
WAIT TILL YOU SEE IT, JOE.

YOU'RE GONNA WONDER
WHAT'S HOLDIN' UP THAT DRESS.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD
AN AUDITION DRESS.

WELL, BRIAN THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

TO WEAR SOMETHIN'
A LITTLE HOTTER,
A LITTLE SEXIER.

OH, BRIAN THOUGHT.

I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

YOU'RE THINKING IT'S
A SLEAZY, DEMEANING TRICK

AND THAT I'VE LOWERED MYSELF
TO BRIAN'S LEVEL.

THERE, I'VE SAID IT.
SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

IT'S NONE
OF MY BUSINESS.

I'M NOT GONNA SAY A WORD.

IT JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT
IF YOU WIN THIS AUDITION,
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

WHETHER IT WAS BECAUSE
OF YOUR CELLO PLAYING
OR SOME SEXY DRESS.

OH, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

HE'S TRYING TO CLOUD THE ISSUE
WITH MORALITY.

LIKE I SAID,
IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
IT'S YOUR DECISION, HELEN.

YES, YES. BUT I WISH
YOU WOULD HURRY UP, HELEN,

BECAUSE THE ONLY
OTHER SHOW I KNOW IS
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

AND I DON'T WANNA
GIVE THOSE PEOPLE

AN EXCUSE TO RIP
HALF MY FACE OFF.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, JOE.
I DON'T NEED THAT DRESS.

I CAN DO IT
ON MY TALENT ALONE.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT GOT INTO ME.

IT'S JUST THAT
UNTIL RECENTLY,

I'VE BEEN SO OVERWEIGHT
THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE OPTION
OF BEING SLEAZY AND DEMEANING.

I JUST WANT THIS JOB
SO BADLY.

YOU'RE DOIN' THE RIGHT THING.

YOUR TALENT WILL
SEE YOU THROUGH.

NOW, BRIAN,
GET THE DAMN PLANE
OFF THE GROUND.

YES, CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN.

MISS CHAPEL,
HERE'S YOUR DRESS.

I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.

OH, WHAT THE HELL.
I'VE HAD TALENT ALL MY LIFE.

I JUST GOT THIS BODY.

(Fay)
ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL
OF SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 18

FROM BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS,
THE CRADLE OF LIBERTY.

NO, WAIT,
THAT'S PHILADELPHIA.

UH, THE CITY
WITH BIG SHOULDERS.

NO, THAT'S CHICAGO.
UH, GATEWAY TO THE WEST.

NO, NO.

WELL, I KNOW
BOSTON'S SOMETHING.

HELEN'S FLIGHT'S COMIN' IN.

I HOPE SHE DID WELL
AT HER AUDITION.

JOE, I CAN TELL
HOW HELEN DID

THE SECOND SHE WALKS
THROUGH THOSE DOORS.

OH, I WOULDN'T BE TOO SURE.

SHE CAN KEEP
A PRETTY STRAIGHT FACE.

I'VE BEEN STUDYING KARAMANDU,
THE ANCIENT INDIAN ART
OF FACE-READING.

THERE ARE MINUTE MOVEMENTS
OF FACIAL MUSCLES

THAT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU,

BUT THAT SPEAK
VOLUMES TO ME.

FOR INSTANCE I CAN TELL
BY THE SLIGHT WRINKLING
OF YOUR FOREHEAD

THAT YOU ARE SKEPTICAL.

WELL, I'M CONVINCED.

[Helen whooping]

[exclaiming]

NOW, HERE'S A CHALLENGE.
WHAT'S YOUR READING?

EITHER SHE DID WELL
AT HER AUDITION

OR SHE'S DRUNK
AS A BILLY GOAT.

SO, UH, IT LOOKS LIKE
EVERYTHING WENT OK.

OK?
SHE WAS WAILIN', MAN.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE, JOE.
I WAS INCREDIBLE.

I WAS SOLID
ON MY HAYDN D-MAJOR.

I SHOWED FLASHES OF BRILLIANCE
ON MY DVORAK

AND THEN I KICKED
SOME SERIOUS BUTT
ON MY BRAHMS.

LITTLE MAMA WAS
GRINDIN' THAT AXE.

WHO ARE YOU?
BLIND LEMON HACKETT?

I'VE GOT IT.
CITY OF LIGHT.

NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
SORRY.

I DON'T WANT TO SEEM
TOO OVERCONFIDENT,

BUT I THINK I GOT
THIS THING SEWN UP.

NOW TELL ME.
DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD
TO KNOW YOU GOT THIS FAR

ON TALENT ALONE
WITHOUT RESORTING TO
ANY LOW, CHEAP TACTICS?

YES, OF COURSE.

YOU CAN BE CONFIDENT NOW
THAT IT WASN'T SOME SEXY DRESS

THAT CAUGHT
THE CONDUCTOR'S ATTENTION.

IT WAS YOUR MUSICAL ABILITY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

NOBODY CAN POINT
THEIR FINGER AT YOU
AND MAKE SNICKERING INNUENDOES

ABOUT HOW YOU GOT THE JOB.

THERE'S NO QUESTIONING
YOUR INTEGRITY--

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I WORE THE DRESS.
ARE YOU SATISFIED?

JEEZ, YOU'RE A PIT BULL.
DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG.

UH, HELEN,
YOU GOT A CALL.

OH, UH, FAY, BY THE WAY,
BOSTON IS KNOWN AS BEAN TOWN.

BEAN TOWN?

PLEASE, JOE, I DIDN'T JUST
FALL OFF THE TURNIP TRUCK.

BEAN TOWN.

THE CONDUCTOR
CALLED ME HIMSELF.

HE WANTS ME
TO CALL HIM BACK.

HEY, THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S NICE, HE SAYS.

JOE, YOU MAY KNOW
A LOT ABOUT AIRLINES,

BUT YOU KNOW
BUBKIS ABOUT MUSIC.

DON'T YOU SEE?

THE CONDUCTOR
CALLED ME PERSONALLY.

IT MEANS
I MUST HAVE THE JOB.

HELLO, MAESTRO,
THIS IS HELEN CHAPEL.

I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

YES?

$700?

UH, OH, NO,
THAT SOUNDS REASONABLE.

OK, THANK YOU.

GREAT! YOU GOT THE JOB.

UH, NOT QUITE.

WELL, WHAT WAS THE $700?

BODY SHOP ESTIMATE.
(Brian)
HUH?

APPARENTLY, AS I LEFT
THE AUDITION HALL,

I DENTED HIS CAR
WITH MY CELLO CASE.

[sighs]

HELEN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, OF COURSE I'M ALL RIGHT.

COULDN'T BE BETTER.

YOU KNOW, I JUST LOVE
WORKING HERE AT THE RITZ.

RUBBING SHOULDERS
WITH THE CREAM OF SOCIETY.

HAVING CONVERSATIONS MADE UP
OF ONE-SYLLABLE WORDS.

GOOD SOUP. HOT.

[screaming]

LI-LISTEN, HELEN,
YOU SHOULDN'T--

[plates shattering]

SHE WANTS TO BE ALONE.

WELL, I DID ALL I COULD
FOR THE POOR KID.

YEAH, YOU AND THAT
STUPID DRESS.

CAN'T YOU EVER MIND
YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

FIRST IT WAS ME,
THEN IT WAS HELEN.

YOU'RE ALWAYS TRYING
TO CHANGE PEOPLE.

WHAT DID I DO?
I MADE A SUGGESTION,
IT DIDN'T WORK.

WHERE'S THE HARM IN THAT?

THE HARM IS
YOU GOT HER HOPES
UP FOR NOTHING.

I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP.

[cutlery crashing]
OH, YES, SURE.
YOU'RE REAL HELPFUL.

[phone ringing]
NOW, IF YOU'RE SO ANXIOUS
TO CHANGE SOMETHING,

WHY DON'T YOU START
WITH YOURSELF?

OK, JOE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

I PROMISE NEVER TO CHANGE
ANYTHING EVER AGAIN

AS LONG AS I LIVE. ALL RIGHT?

WHAT ARE THESE?

PAINT SAMPLES.

WHY IS DAY-GLOW ORANGE
CIRCLED?

DON'T SAY ANYTHING NOW.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE IT
ON THE PLANE, THEN DECIDE.

WHAT?

FAY! FAY! UH, EXCUSE ME.

GOOD NEWS.

YOU DECIDED
TO FINISH YOUR TRIP.

NO, I DECIDED TO STAY
IN NANTUCKET.

I AM NEVER GONNA GO BACK
TO NEW BEDFORD.

LISTEN, HOWARD,
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS,

YOU'VE TOLD ME EVERYTHING
ABOUT YOUR LIFE

INCLUDING THAT STRANGE
MEDICAL EXPERIMENT
YOU VOLUNTEERED FOR.

THE ONE THING
YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME IS

WHY YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE

AS SOON AS
YOU GET BACK HOME.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL...

I'LL TELL YOU.

I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED
THIS ONE GREAT ADVENTURE,

FLYING SOLO
AROUND THE WORLD.

SO I MADE A VOW
TO GOD

THAT AS SOON AS
THE TRIP WAS FINISHED,

HE COULD TAKE ME
AND I'D DIE A HAPPY MAN.

THAT'S IT, HOWARD?

I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF
IN A CORNER, HUH?

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST PERSON
WHO EVER MADE A PACT WITH GOD.

I DID MYSELF.

YOU DID?

UH, YES, YEARS AGO
WHEN I WAS A STEWARDESS.

ON A FLIGHT TO SEATTLE
WE LOST AN ENGINE.

I WAS SURE
WE WERE GOING DOWN

AND I PROMISED GOD
IF HE GOT ME THROUGH IT ALIVE,

I'D DEVOTE MY LIFE TO HIM
AND BECOME A NUN.

REALLY?

YOU KNOW,
IT'S SO HARD TO TELL

NOW THAT YOU'VE STOPPED
WEARING THOSE HABITS.

OH, HOWARD!
YOU'RE SUCH A MOMO.

I NEVER BECAME A NUN

AND--AND NOTHING EVER
HAPPENED TO ME.

SO I FIGURE, IF GOD
REALLY KNOWS EVERYTHING,

THEN HE ALSO KNOWS
WHEN YOU'RE FULL OF IT.

AND HOWARD, TRUST ME.

HOWARD.

GET ON THAT PLANE, GO HOME
AND OPEN YOUR HAT STORE.

YOUR MISSION IS NOT COMPLETE.

THERE ARE LOT OF HATLESS
HEADS OUT THERE WHO NEED YOU.

I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT
ABOUT IT THAT WAY, FAY.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

YOU KNOW,
NEXT WEEK OR SO--

UH, HOWARD, GO. NOW.

YOU'RE A NICE MAN.
I DON'T WANT TO
HAVE TO SMACK YOU.

YES, MA'AM.

OH, UH, THANKS
FOR THE PEP TALK, FAY.

WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T BE
GETTING ON THAT PLANE.

HOWARD'S DEAD
AND I KILLED HIM.

STOP SAYING THAT, FAY.
WE DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE.

WE JUST HAVEN'T
HEARD FROM HIM.

NEITHER HAS THE TOWER
IN NEW BEDFORD.

IT'S A 40 MINUTE TRIP
AND HE'S BEEN GONE 2 HOURS.

I SAY WE SEND OUT
A SEARCH PARTY
TO LOOK FOR A HAT

FLOATING ON TOP
OF THE WATER.

THAT'S IT, ROY,
DON'T BE AFRAID TO
SHOW YOUR TENDER SIDE.

I'LL SHOW YOU
MY TENDER SIDE.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN
THINKIN' ABOUT HOWARD.

THERE IS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE.

YOU MEAN, LIKE HE LANDED
AT ANOTHER AIRPORT

AND HE'S SITTING THERE
ENJOYING A HOT CUP
OF COFFEE RIGHT NOW?

NO. LIKE HE SLIPPED THROUGH
A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE

AND HE'S LOST
SOMEWHERE IN TIME.

[chuckling]
A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE,
LOWELL?

YEAH, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

COSMIC POTHOLES, I CALL 'EM.

HOWARD'S GONE.

SO'S LOWELL.

I CAN FEEL AN EMPTINESS
IN MY HEART.

TRY ABOUT A FOOT HIGHER,
FAY.

I THINK WE SHOULD
ALL BOW OUR HEADS

AND TAKE A MOMENT
TO REMEMBER HOWARD BANKS.

A MOMENT OF SILENCE,
PLEASE.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

HOWARD! YOU'RE ALIVE!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

OH, JUST CIRCLING OFFSHORE
FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.

I'M SORRY, FAY.
I--I JUST...

I COULDN'T GET RID
OF THAT FEELING THAT
I WAS GONNA DIE.

YOU MEAN,
YOU DIDN'T GO HOME?

NO, BUT I CAME UP
WITH A PLAN TO FOOL GOD.

I'M GONNA FLY BACK
THE WAY I CAME,

RETRACING MY ROUTE,

SO THAT
WHEN I LAND IN NEW BEDFORD,

TECHNICALLY,
I WON'T HAVE FLOWN
COMPLETELY AROUND THE WORLD.

LOWELL'S
HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE THEORY

IS STARTING TO SOUND
PRETTY GOOD.

2 YEARS FROM
NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,

AFTER MY TRIP,
YOU AND I HAVE A DINNER DATE.

OF COURSE, YOU'LL HAVE
TO COME OVER TO NEW BEDFORD

BECAUSE IF I COME TO YOU,

THEN I'LL ALREADY HAVE FLOWN
COMPLETELY AROUND THE WORLD
IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION

AND SO, OF COURSE,
I'D DIE.

2 YEARS FROM THIS
SATURDAY NIGHT?

UH, GEE, HOWARD, I THINK
I'M WASHING MY HAIR.

WELL, HOW ABOUT SUNDAY?

I'M DRYING IT.

HOW ABOUT THE NEXT WEEK?

HOWARD, I'LL CALL YOU.

OK, IT'S A DATE.

[sighs]

THAT MAN IS NUTTIER THAN A
SQUIRREL'S CHEEKS IN OCTOBER.

ARE YOU OK?
OH, YEAH, I'M FINE.

YOU'RE NOT CARRYING
ANY CONCEALED CROCKERY,
ARE YOU?

I'M SORRY YOUR AUDITION
DIDN'T WORK OUT.

LISTEN, FORGET THAT.
THAT'S ALL WATER
UNDER THE BRIDGE NOW.

BITTER, FOUL,
PUTREFIED WATER.

YOU REALLY HAD YOUR HOPES UP,
DIDN'T YOU?

[sighs]

IT'S ALL I EVER DREAM ABOUT IS
BEING A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN.

TO THINK I CAME SO CLOSE,
JOE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF THIS HELPS ANY,

BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT,
I HAD MIXED EMOTIONS.

I MEAN, I WOULD'VE BEEN HAPPY
IF YOU'D GOTTEN IT,

BUT I WOULD'VE MISSED YOU.

I HAD MIXED EMOTIONS, TOO.

I WOULD'VE BEEN HAPPY
TO LEAVE THE ISLAND

BUT I WOULD'VE BEEN SAD

THAT IT TOOK ME
SO LONG TO DO IT.

I WOULD'VE MISSED YOU.
YOU KNOW THAT.

CAN I HELP YOU
WITH SOMETHING?

JOE, I WAS WONDERING...

[sighs]

WELL, YOU REMEMBER
WHEN YOU TOLD ME THAT
IF I WON THE AUDITION

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHETHER
IT WAS MY DRESS OR MY TALENT?

YEAH.

WELL, THE PROBLEM IS--IS

I DIDN'T CONSIDER
HOW I WOULD FEEL
IF I LOST.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

WELL, I DIDN'T GET HIRED.

SO EITHER MY CELLO PLAYING
IS LOUSY OR I'M NOT SEXY.

SO I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WOULD
HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT.

WOULD YOU JUST
LOOK AT ME IN MY DRESS
AND TELL ME IF I'M SEXY?

WAIT, WAIT. I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'RE SEXY OR NOT.

UH, I DON'T THINK
ABOUT YOU IN THAT WAY.

UM, WE'RE BUDDIES.

BUDDIES DON'T TALK ABOUT
PERSONAL STUFF LIKE THIS.

JOE, I'M NOT SUGGESTING
I HAVE YOUR BABY.

JUST LOOK AT ME IN MY DRESS.

OH, CAN'T YOU ASK
SOMEONE ELSE?

WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO ASK?
BRIAN?

GOOD POINT.
BRIAN THINKS AIR IS SEXY.

LOOK,
IF IT MAKES IT ANY EASIER,

I'LL TELL YOU
WHETHER I THINK YOU'RE SEXY.

GO AHEAD, ASK ME.

HELEN...
JOE, JUST ASK ME.

OK. AM I SEXY?
NOT PARTICULARLY.

WHAT?
IT WAS A JOKE, JOE.

I WAS JUST TRYIN'
TO LOOSEN YOU UP.

SEE, IT WORKED BEAUTIFULLY.

OF COURSE YOU'RE SEXY.

NO, I'M NOT.

YEAH, YEAH, YOU ARE.

NAH.
MMM-HMM.

REALLY? HOW?

I DON'T KNOW. UM...

I LIKE IT WHEN YOUR
LITTLE EYES KIND OF
LIFT UP AND LOOK...

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT ME.

DO YOU REALLY THINK
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

REMEMBER
WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY SAW
YOU NAKED WHEN YOU WERE 10?

WE DIDN'T SPEAK AGAIN
UNTIL YOU WERE 12.

COME ON, JOE,
JUST SUCK IT UP.

DO I LOOK SEXY OR AM I JUST
A LOUSY CELLIST?

WELL?

[moans]

THANKS.
I BETTER GO PRACTICE.

[door opening]

[door closing]

WELL, THAT'S ONE CHANGE
YOU DON'T SEEM TO MIND.