Wilfred (2011–2014): Season 4, Episode 6 - Patterns - full transcript

I have the Sagansky file.
And, um, I refreshed your candy bowl--
just Ikes, no Mikes.
Anything else I can do for you, Mr. Newman?
Oh. Genevieve, you-you don't have to call me that.
You've known me my whole life.
I know, that's true.
You know, once I gave you a bath.
Oh, just a reminder-- I'm gonna be late tomorrow,
so, uh-- I'm gonna be visiting my uncle.
Again?
Every month for 30 years,
ever since I started working with your father.
30 years? I... Hmm.
I didn't know it was that long.
Well, have a good...
Back then...
it was just your dad and I.
I mean, it was way before Ms. Goldsmith.
He used to always call me his "original partner."
"Partner"?
(laughs): Oh, oh, you've got work to do.
Well, have a good evening, Mr. Newman.
(laughs)
JENNA (calls): Wilfred?
Wilfred?
Have you seen Wilfred?
This is the second time he's run away this week.
You know Wilfred-- he always comes back.
Yeah. I'm just nervous he'll get picked up by animal control.
Listen, can we talk?
I-I kind of have someplace to be.
I'm sorry, Ryan.
I shouldn't have blamed you.
I mean, I was the one who kissed you-- it was my fault.
Hey, maybe we could have dinner Friday night.
Dinner? Yeah.
I need to get out and start socializing.
I've been cooped up in my house for way too long.
Plus...
it'd be nice to, you know, reconnect.
Yeah, that-that... sounds fun.
Great. Now, if I could only find Wilfred.
I swear, I need to get him one of those GPS tracking collars.
I'll keep an eye out.
Thanks.
Oh, hey, mate. What are you doing here?
I was pretty clear about needing some space.
Just tinting your windows.
Thought I'd do something nice for you.
As in, the opposite of "ruining your life."
Well, it's disgusting. You can't even see out of them.
Or... into them.
Why are you hiding from Jenna?
Dude, she's driving me crazy.
Ever since she came back Drew-less from Wisconsin,
she's just so clingy.
I don't get a moment's peace.
Do you know what it's like
to have someone constantly demanding your attention?
Ryan? Do you?
Ryan, look at me. (whistles)
Ryan! Ryan!
I just need a break.
Well, you'll get one Friday.
I'm going out to dinner with her.
Makes sense.
Things are rocky with Drew, so you're swooping in,
hoping that it's finally your chance,
just like old times. No, it's not.
This is different. I'm just helping out a friend.
Camera?
Binoculars?
What's up, Nancy Drew?
Nothing. Ryan, if this
has to do with binoculars, I'm in.
I love binoculars. Everyone knows that.
Come on, tell me what's going on.
Remember that guy from the woods who called me a while ago?
Yeah. He wanted you to tell your dad's partner
that the price had doubled, right?
I think I know who my dad's partner is.
So it's not that lawyer chick?
I've already told you too much.
Aw, come on, Ryan, stop shutting me out!
For the last time, I'm not a trickster god
trying to ruin your life; I'm not Krungel.
There is no Krungel!
Come on, mate, I'm just hanging out with you.
Just let me tag along.
I'm sorry, this is too important.
Come on, get out.
No. I'm going, and there's nothing you can do to stop me.
Hey, Jenna! I found Wilfred!
You treacherous bastard!
JENNA: Wilfred?
Wilfred, come!
Goddamn it, Wilfred!
Wilfred! Get back here!
That's it.
Hey!
Hey, you!
Hey!
(grunting)
(both panting)
You got me, Ryan.
How you been?
Bruce?
You look different. I did a cleanse.
I feel fantastic.
I don't want to gross you out with all the details,
but they take this huge hose and they snake it right up...
How do you know Genevieve?
Who's Genevieve?
My secretary-- the one who made the drop.
Damn. This latex itches.
Why are you wearing makeup?
What the hell is going on?
It's called "prosthetics."
And why do you think I'm wearing it?
(scoffs) Another game.
Exactly.
Did Wilfred put you up to this?
Is he here right now? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's the master bedroom; no reason to go back there
unless you're gonna be sleepin' or sexin'.
Wilfred's not here, but he called this morning.
Said he was bored and wanted to get a game going
'cause you wouldn't hang out with him.
Also, he wanted to get you back for snitching on him
to that hot little blonde chick, who...
I hear is single, so I was thinking
maybe you could put in a good word for me.
Ugh.
Hey, where are you going?
Game's not over. I'm not playing.
I'm never playing your stupid games again.
I was supposed to meet someone.
Maybe I'm not too late. You forfeit?
Whoo-hoo!
I win, I win, I win!
(sighs)
(sighs)
Figures you'd be here,
exactly where I told you not to be.
Is there a problem, mate?
I had a chance to find out
who my dad's been paying off all these years,
and you ruined it.
Well, I'm sorry,
but you shouldn't have ditched me with Jenna.
Do you know what this is? It's a GPS collar.
Jenna wants to put it on my body
so she can know my every move.
That would make it impossible for me to sneak away
and hang out with you. Well...
maybe that's for the best.
What does that mean?
It means I still can't trust you;
and today is a perfect example why.
This was important to me, and you mess it up
with your ridiculous game with Bruce.
And now you're dribbling all over the floor.
Every time.
Why do dogs do that?
Ryan, what do I have to do?!
How can I prove my loyalty to you?
I-I'll do anything.
Well, for starters, you can stop playing games with Bruce.
Hmm. How about I send you one of those fancy gift baskets?
That's the deal, Wilfred.
I'm tired of your games messing with my life.
Ryan...
what you're asking...
What, no more games?
At all?
All right.
Promise.
No more games.
Now, wait just a minute.
What are you doing here?
Did you know he... No.
Spying?
On my home turf?!
(seething breath)
Respect.
You can't end the games now.
Score's all tied up.
Since when?
Since today.
Jesus.
Did you crawl through a window this afternoon?
(stammers)
And you were bitching about me messing up your life?
Now, if you want to end this,
that's fine, but there ain't no way
this ends in a tie.
Mm, what are you saying?
We play the endgame.
Sorry, Bruce.
No more games.
Wilfred giving up games. Ha!
(chuckles) Now, that's a joke.
Get out.
And stay out.
You don't want to play, don't play.
But there will be an endgame.
Oh, did you want to see me, Mr...
Oh, dear.
Close the door.
(door closes)
I don't know what that is.
I saw you make the drop. No.
I mean, I don't know what it's for.
It's just something I did for your father.
How long have you been doing it?
Every month for 30 years.
And you never asked him why?
Ryan, your father trusted me completely.
He told me everything.
(whispers): He even told me about the black women.
But this is something he didn't tell me about,
so he must have really wanted it to be a secret.
Who's your contact?
I don't even know his name.
He called this morning; he was really angry.
Whatever happened totally spooked him.
He wants the rest of his money now,
in one final drop.
When?
Uh, today, 2:00.
Get the rest of the money together
and make the drop.
JENNA: Ryan, Wilfred ran away again.
He's been gone for hours. Again?
Yeah, I don't understand it.
One minute we're taking a little snuggle nap,
and the next minute he's gone.
What about that GPS collar?
I misplaced it before I could put it on him.
And after everything I have been though, I don't think
I could handle it if anything happened to him.
I-I have someplace I really need to be.
Otherwise, I'd blow it off and help you look.
Y-Yeah, okay.
I'm... I'm sure he's fine.
I-I'll see you later.
(sighs)
Jenna, wait.
I'll look for him.
Thank you so much, Ryan.
As usual, you're always there for me.
(urinating)
Hey!
(gasps)
Geez, Ryan.
I thought that was the cops.
I can't afford another pissing ticket.
Look, I don't have a lot of time, so let's cut to the chase.
(urinating) Are you and Wilfred playing another game?
We ain't playing no game.
So you have no idea where Wilfred is?
I didn't say that.
I got a pretty good idea.
But if you want the info, you're gonna have to outsmart me
in a battle of wits. (opens zipper)
(urinating) Oh, yeah.
This is a little game they call
"Moonlight Falling on the Egret's Feathers."
Don't ask me why they call it that.
It just boils down to whoever eats a Post-it note faster wins.
I told you, no more games.
Suit yourself.
Fine.
I got to warn you,
I'm pretty good at this game.
All right, come on.
On three.
One...
two...
Oh!
Ah, damn it! That's not fair.
I didn't have enough saliva.
Where is he?
He's down at the beach.
Said he was gonna take a leak on tower 24.
(music playing in distance)
(music continues)
Shit.
(music playing)
(music stops)
(grunting)
Wilfred!
Where the hell is Wilfred? I just saw him
through the window.
I told you he was at the beach.
Bullshit! I was just there.
Where'd you park?
I don't know. Lot six.
Lot six!
Goddamn it to hell, that's it!
That's the ball game.
You two were playing a game.
Not just a game, the endgame!
And because your stupid ass
couldn't just park in lot seven, Wilfred won.
I need a drink.
I knew I couldn't trust him.
Wilfred?
Get out here! If you screw up
this second, I swear I'll...
You're dribbling.
(chuckles) Shit.
I hate when that happens.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
(chuckles) I already told you,
that's off-limits.
This is your bedroom, huh?
What? I took in a stray and let him sleep in my room for now.
I thought it would be nice to have a dog
that didn't talk back all the time.
Wh-What are you doing with that?
That's, uh... that's not yours.
You know, I'm starting to think that it wasn't Wilfred
I saw through the window.
(exhales)
Go get it! (strained grunt)
(grunts)
(laughing): Stop!
(laughing)
That's so good. Oh, that's good.
Oh, do it again! (laughing)
Chin! (laughs)
You're... you're a dog.
(panting)
That's crazy.
Oh, you want more?
I'll bop you on the nose if I have to. No! No!
(panting)
All right.
All right, Ryan.
I guess the jig is up.
Stand back.
You ain't never seen a dog shed like this.
(grunts)
(fabric snapping)
Bet you didn't see that coming, huh?
Holy shit.
You're...
y-you're... Krungel's the name.
So y-you're the trickster god?
You're out to ruin my life? Yeah.
And the damndest thing is, I don't even know why I do it.
I just do it, you know? It's, uh... it's what I do.
Where's Wilfred? Don't you have to get over to your precious little money drop?
What did you do?
Well, I kind of drugged him,
and I took him to the 9th Street kill shelter.
He's there now, and he could go at any minute.
Wilfred was microchipped years ago.
You talking about this?
Time to make a choice, Ryan.
Either solve your mystery or save your friend.
It don't really matter, 'cause either way,
you lose.
(laughing maniacally)
Shit!
I missed him.
For a good cause though, right, mate?
He was just here.
He was Krungel-- I saw him with my own eyes.
I know you saw it, mate, but if Bruce can wear prosthetics,
who's to say he couldn't also wear a dog costume?
Are you sure it wasn't just another one of his tricks?
He brought up Krungel, not me.
I told him about Krungel.
He knows about all that god stuff.
God, I hate this!
I'm afraid it gets worse.
How can this be worse?
You parked under the sign at the kill shelter.
So?
(sighs)
That was a game, too?
It was the real endgame.
And Bruce won.
Game, set and match.
I doubt we'll be seeing him again.
I'm gonna miss him.
You're gonna miss him?
He drugged you and took you to a kill shelter.
Bruce plays hard.
Tough competitor.
(sighs)
You okay, mate?
I'm just pissed at myself.
I swore I wouldn't get caught up in your games with Bruce.
And that's exactly what happened.
I keep doing the same stupid things over and over again.
And I wonder why I'm in the same place as I started.
Don't be so hard on yourself, Ryan.
The first step in stopping a bad pattern is...
recognizing it.
Wilfy!
Wilfy!
(Jenna laughing)
Oh...
Ah...
(playful growling, laughing)
Thanks, Ryan.
I don't know what I would do without you.
(sighs)
And you, mister,
why do you keep running away?
(sighs)
Do you want to come in for a glass of wine
to... celebrate?
Uh, thanks, but I'm really tired.
Okay.
But we're still on for Friday night, right? Dinner?
You know, I-I totally forgot.
I've got a work thing Friday night.
Okay. Well, uh, well, thanks again, Ryan.
I... I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
I'm just glad he's okay.
Look, I know how important it was
for you to find out who was blackmailing your dad,
and I wanted to thank you for saving my life instead.
Of course, Wilfred.
You're more important to me than anything.
And whether or not Bruce is the trickster god,
I trust you.
Goddamn it!
What?
(sighs) I know how to find the blackmailer.
What? How?
Remember that GPS collar I nicked off Jenna?
Well... I slipped it into that bag of money,
and you can track him on your phone.
Oh, my God, Wilfred, that's genius.
Thanks, buddy.
Wait. Why did you wait until now to tell me?
Well, because I was gonna steal the money
to buy some binoculars.
You know how much I love binoculars.
And you needed thousands of dollars to buy them?
You know, they only cost a hundred bucks.
I'll never understand money.
(slow, steady beeping)
(beeping accelerating)
Hey. Hey!
What the hell are you up to?
I'm done with you, kid.
Stay the hell away from me.
Not until you tell me what you're up to, Bruce.
Bruce? Who the hell is Bruce?
Don't bullshit me.
Take off that disguise. (yelling)
(grunting) Give it.
(grunts)
(pants, groans)
Keep your hands off me, boy!
You're crazier than your mother.
Leave me alone.
(truck door closes)
(engine starts)