Wilfred (2011–2014): Season 2, Episode 2 - Letting Go - full transcript

S02E02 - Letting Go

(Sighs heavily)

(Knocking on door)

(Dog barks)

Woman: Sorry!
He's not usually like this.

Leash aggression.

(High-pitched):
Come on, come on.

Ryan! Oh, my God.

It's been a while.

Yeah. My new job
is pretty intense.

Long hours.



I was actually
on my way there now,

but I wanted to stop by
and say hi.

Well...

uh, yeah, I'm...
I'm really glad you did.

You want to come in?

Yeah.

So, Wilfred's back from
Wisconsin, huh?

I guess that means Drew...

Ryan can see clearly
now the rain is gone!

(Drew chuckles)

What's up, bro!

Mm, welcome back, Drew.

Good to see you, man.

Did you hear the news?



I'm moving to L.A.

For reals this time!

Finally tying
the ol' knot-a-roo.

That's great.

Wow.

Well, I can't believe
it's been three months

since I've seen Wilfred.

Oh, he's going to be
so excited.

Wilfred!

Wilfy!

Guess who's here!

(Jenna chuckles)

Drew-be-do-be-do!

What's up, bro!

(Grunts, chuckles)

I finally taught Wilfy
how to shake.

Hey, buddy.

I brought you your ball.

Drew, have you seen this?

Jordy Nelson's
high ankle sprain

isn't as bad as we thought.

Might even start Sunday.

Thank God.

Nelson really takes
the top of the defense.

Uh... I don't think
he remembers me.

Of course he does.

Just give him a second.

Hey, you want some coffee?

Drew:
Warning, bro.

It's decaf.

All that's allowed
these days.

If it means that much
to you, Drew.

You can drink
whatever you want.

Okay, Wilfy,
want to play some catch?

Huh? Come on!

Hells, yeah!

"Catch" is the shit!

I'm so glad you stopped by.

I thought maybe you were,
I don't know, avoiding me.

Work's been crazy.

Well, I've missed you.

By the way, I'm sure you've
noticed... I'm not pregnant.

False positive.

Uh, sorry to hear that.

It's okay. I mean...

that's why Drew and
I got engaged but...

we're still really
excited about the wedding.

Come on! Whip it over here!

Let's see that arm, champ!

Wilfred:
My bad. My bad.

It's just under
the bush over here.

I'm all over it Drew-ish
Community Center.

Hey. I just wanted
to say good-bye.

Gotta head to the office.

Listen, I'm sorry you had to
witness that squabble in there.

Things have been sort of tense
between me and Jenna.

Really?

I didn't notice.

Yeah, she was going through
my luggage yesterday

and she found a bottle of
this stuff called Maxtanol.

They're over-the-counter
but, turns out,

technically,
they're kind of steroids.

And I had no idea.
A guy at the gym

turned me on to them
for maximum core rippage.

Of course,
Jenna assumed the worse.

Wilfred:
Got it!

Drew:
All right, Wilfy!

Bring it back.

Here you go, bro.

Here's the ball.

Right where you wanted it.

All the way back.

Oh. Right, right, right.

Of course.

Good boy.

Let go.

Let... go.

Wilfy, let go!

Oh, uh, you wanted
the ball.

Right. Sorry.

I don't know why I do that.

Come on, Wilfred,
get your head in the game!

Wow, Wilfred seems
really into playing catch.

Yeah, I took him to my parents
lake house after the accident.

We totally bonded.

Wilfy got in the best
shape of his life.

Nothing like a little fresh
Wisconsin air

to get you back on your feet.

Wilfred:
Okay, I got this one!

Let's do this!
Drew! Drew!

Drew! Drew! Drew! Drew!

Aw, shit!

Although,
let's be honest,

he's never going to be
a champion.

Jenna:
Oh, Jesus, Drew!

I just tripped of over
your suitcase

for, like, the fifth
time this morning!

Could you please finish
unpacking?!

Coming, sweetie!

(Chuckles)

Wilfred, I know you're having
trouble remembering who I am,

but I hope that, with time...

I remember you, Ryan.

Memory is like
the Packers when

they're behind by two touchdowns
in the fourth quarter.

It comes back.

So...

How have you been?

Wisconsin was kick-ass.

There's a beautiful lake there.

I took 37 shits in it.

But you always thought
Drew was a dick.

Drew picked up the
broken bundle of bones

I called a body, after
that car accident.

He helped create what
you see before you.

We've showered together.

I won't say another
bad word about him.

I'd appreciate that.

Jenna: Look, I just,
really need you

(Argument continues)
Geez.

They're clearly
having problems.

Should I say something?

Like what, Ryan?

Drew and Jenna are getting
married... get over it.

Yeah, but,
they're only getting married

because Jenna thought
she was pregnant.

And she only thought that
because I switched her pee

for that drug test.

Don't you think I need
to do the right thing and...

You know, spending
the last few months

with Drew, sitting on the
couch, watching A-Rodge

thread needles, doing
chest and back Tuesdays,

arms and cardio Thursdays,
not having to help

solve any deep,
emotional problems,

it helped me realize this little
relationship of ours

has been very one-sided.

What do you mean?

I mean, you're selfish.

From now on,
if you got a problem,

figure it out yourself.

Wait, Wilfred, I need you.

Well, I don't need you,
Ry-Am Woman, Hear Me Roar.

You're on your own.

Hey, you know, I was thinking
rather than ordering in,

maybe you an I could
grab a bite at Cestone's?

Actually, I brought my lunch.

Oh, okay.

You know what,
I don't get it.

I've calculated
my facial proportions

and I am 94% symmetrical.

Which, according to the index,
is borderline hot.

And I dressed up this
boring old lab coat

with the quirky Japanese robot
pin, so you know I'm fun.

And everyone in the office
already knows

- I am a total sex addict.
- What?

And see, I have this
edgy sense of humor

which sometimes crosses
the line...

(Taps desk)

...like right now,
for instance.

Oh, God, you totally
have a girlfriend, don't you?

Uh, not exactly.

Look, Amanda,
you seem great.

Ooh, this is awkward.
(Chuckles)

You know, I'm just going
to go have sex

with whoever's in
the men's room.

Well, there's that edgy
sense of humor again, so...

good stuff.

Hey.

Hey.

I like the suit.
You look nice.

You, too.
What?

My mustard-stained
sweatpants?

Mustard stains are
the new black.

You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.

(Crying): I'm just...

(Sighs)

Relationships
can be, uh, tough.

You could always
call it off.

Call what off?
My eight-year relationship?

It was a joke.

A bad joke.

I'm sorry.

No, it's my bad.

I don't have much of a
sense of humor these days.

I'll see ya.

See ya.

Hey! Small world.

You jog, huh?

It's Thursday, Ryan.
I told you, arms and cardio.

So what was up with
Drew this morning?

I woke up at 6:00

when he slammed the
car door and sped off.

Was he pissed off
about something?

Drew drives hard.

Dude's confident
behind the wheel.

Did he and Jenna
have another argument?

Relax, I'm not asking
for advice or anything.

I'm just trying to
make small talk.

And I'm just trying to
focus on my pace.

Uh, seven minute miles...
ever heard of 'em?

So you think Jenna might...

Dude, are you still
sweating over that?

I told you, it's over.
Let it go.

Yeah, but...

Okay, c-can we just
slow down for a second?

Why?

So we can spend the whole day
talking about your problems,

you selfish prick?

I'm not Dr. Phil, okay?

I'm Dr. Wilfred.

And I only call myself that
when I'm DJ'ing.

What do you want me to say?

- I need your help.
- And what about my problems?!

You don't think
I'm dying inside right now

because Drew thinks
I'm a loser?!

I guess I never
thought about it.

If this bromance
is going to work,

we need to have
an equal relationship.

Like those two guys
over there.

Those... guys?

Yeah. See that one guy?

He's scratching the other
guy behind the ear.

And the first guy, he's psyched,

because he's helping the other
guy, who's his friend.

Now, the first guy,
he's throwing that ball.

And the other guy,
the naked hairy guy,

he's running
and bringing it back,

because that's what
bros do for each other.

It goes both ways,
R-R-R-Ry-Sharona.

(Dog barks)

Man: Get in there.
Get in there.

Good. Get in there.
Get in there.

Tunnel!

Come on, up, up.

Stay, stay, stay.

(Dog barks)

Nice grab, bro.

Hey, cute, pooch.

- What's the breed?
- Um, he's uh...

- Time to stand up.
- I don't really know.

Couldn't even do that
for me, eh, Ryan?

Keeps you guessin', huh?

(Chuckles)
You have no idea.

Hey, Jellybeans, huh?

What's up, bro?

Hey, you look good out there.

Let's, on the count of three,
both say what we can bench.

One, two, three...

35 pounds.

Hey, you didn't say it.

Oh, oh, what?
You're ignoring me now?

You're better than me,

you beautiful
golden-haired prick?

Jellybeans has been training

all month for the Health Kibble
Incredible Dog Challenge.

Kind of a fun thing
to do on a Saturday.

Huh, kid?

Yeah, that's it!

Attaboy.

If I can win this competition,

then Drew will finally
see me as a champion.

But Jenna would never let Drew
enter me into the contest.

He's not allowed to do anything
even slightly competitive.

Well, maybe I could
sign you up.

I was on the track team
in high school.

I could train you.

You'd do that for me?

Wait. What's in it for you?

Come on, Wilfred,
I'm your friend.

Cut the shit.

You just need me to help you
solve your little Jenna dilemma.

Okay, fine.

You're right.

Do we have a deal?

Deal.

Weak grip, mate.

Flexbar Hand Exerciser,
ever heard of it?

(Film projector whirring)

What are you doing?

Just studying some
film from practice.

Listen, I-I was thinking
maybe later tonight

we could start talking
about Jenna...
Oh, hang on, hang on.

Look at this.
See what I did there?

I got super tired,

stopped running,

and started dry-heaving.

I've got to not do that.

God! Who am I kidding?

There's no way
I can beat Jellybeans.

I'm never going to be
the champion he is.

He's so fast, and strong!

He's got the glossy coat
of a healthy one-year-old.

And his nose...

God, his nose gets...
so wet...

Don't worry,
we'll get you there.

Maybe if we took a break,
and talked.

There's only one way
I can win this competition.

You need to put a jar
of flesh-eating bacteria

all over Jellybeans'
legs and genitals.

I'm not doing that.

Fine! You don't want to do
whatever it takes to help me,

- the deal's off!
- W...

Uh, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.

You want to be
faster and stronger?

What if I could get you...

Maxtanol?

Maxtanol?

It's an over-the-counter
stimulant.

Drew says that
it helps you achieve...

"maximum core rippage."

That's just the kind
of rippage I need.

No.

No, I can't.

It's against my
code of ethics.

Your "code of ethics"?

I have a strict policy against

taking any drug
that's not illegal.

They're never strong enough.

No, if I'm going to
win this thing for Drew,

I'm going to need
the good shit.

- You mean real steroids?
- I'm talking about

the back-alley shit.

The shit that
Kathleen Turner uses.

Think you can
handle that, bro?

Wilfred, I...

See, this is how
friendships work, Ryan.

I scratch your back,

you scratch the area
directly above my penis

until my leg goes apeshit.

Oh, oh, oh,
ask this guy.

He's perfect.

- Can I help you?
- Um...

Yeah.

I was... I was wondering...

You seem like someone that
would know where I could

get something that would
make me, uh... stronger?

Maybe something that... you
can't find in a health store?

If you're asking me what
I think you're asking me,

it's illegal.
Really?

You're not on steroids?

So that's, like,
your natural package?

Hey, buddy.

Think I know what
you're looking for.

Drew is gonna shit!

I'm gonna look just like
that Kathleen Turner dude.

All right,
let's do this.

(Zipper unzipping)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

I-I just want steroids.

Yeah, and this is what
you're gonna do to get 'em.

You know what?
Never mind.

Aw, typical.

Won't even shlob
this guy's knob

to help a friend get steroids.

You selfish prick.

(Sighs)

Fine.

Look, I'll give you money,

but I'm not going
to do... that.

(Zipping up)
Fine.

150 bucks.

And a hug.

A hug?

A long hug.

I want it to be tender,
like we're sisters at a funeral.

That's really good.

I can feel your heart
beating against mine.

(Dog barking) Jenna:
Oh, hi!

Drew:
Ryan!

This is great, Ryan!

Wilfred looks like
he's having so much fun.

I'm gonna go give
the little fella a pep talk.

Wow.

You guys seem... happy.

Things are better.

You know, I think we were
both sort of using Wilfred

as a way to avoid our issues,

but thanks to you, we got some
time alone to work things out.

Awesome.

God, Jenna and Drew are
even worse than I thought.

It's like they've tricked
themselves into believing

everything's all right,
when it's not.

Ryan, please!
I'm trying to focus, here.

It's hard enough with

Jelly "The Intimidator" Beans
over there,

staring me down,
trying to get inside my head.

Oh. We get it, Beans.

We all know you got tasty balls,
no need to flaunt it.

Jesus,

is there no limit to
this guy's arrogance?

Announcer:
Next on deck, Wilfred!

Shit! That's it,
give me the pills.

Very funny, Ryan.

Here we go.
Down the hatch.

Whoa, you're going to
take them all at once?

Um... obviously.

More steroids equals
more championishness.

Nah, I'm sorry,
I can't let you do this.

What? Why the hell not?

Wilfred, read the label.

This stuff can cause liver
damage and heart disease.

You're too important
to me as a friend.

- You mean ex-friend.
- Fine.

I won't let you do something
I know will hurt you.

I'd rather let you go.

You were right.

I am selfish.

Damn right you are.

And I'm going to humiliate
myself in front of Drew!

Announcer:
Wilfred, you're up!

Yay, Wilfy!

(Barking)

Ryan, I'm slow and I'm weak.

I can't do this!

Yeah, you can.

You just need
the proper motivation.

Whoa. Whoa!

What's this about?

You know I don't do
the leash thing!

What's the matter, Wilfred?
It's just a little leash.

Screw you, Ryan!

What are you looking at,
Jellybeans?

Huh? You do not want
what I'm bringing.

Oh, you want some too?

Let me see your papers,
you filthy immigrant!

Let go!

Let go!

Let go!

(Grunting)

(Grunting)

Oh, no, he's not gonna win.

Ah...!

(Grunting)

(Grunting, groaning)

No, no, no, no, no!

Jellybeans!

Wilfred, no!
(Yelling)

Sorry.

I blocked off my whole weekend
on my calendar for your wedding.

It's gonna be awesome.

That really means
a lot to us, Ryan.

Dude, check it out.

(Laughs)

Wilfred's all proud
of himself.

That's hilarious.

Hilarious?

You see what it says there?
"Participant."

You think they give
one of those to every dog

who takes part in
the competition?

They need to give you the award
for the silliest dog, Wilfy.

(Laughing)

Come on, babe.

We'll see you at the car.

All right...

you upheld your end
of the bargain,

now it's my turn.

You want to know
how to deal with

your little Jenna/Drew
situation?

Plant that in Drew's luggage.

Jenna will find it,
throw a fit,

and call off her
engagement with that...

unloving, emotionless...
monster.

Let it go, Wilfred.

(Voice breaking):
But we showered together.

(Sobs)

So when I saw her
in the break room,

I asked her out to dinner.

She said yes.
Really?

- The girl from your office?
- Yeah.

That's great, Ryan!

I'm happy for you, dude.

(Sighs)

- You okay?
- Yeah.

I just got reminded
of a pretty intense relationship

I haven't thought about
in a while.

- Jenna's couch?
- Good girl.

The sex was incredible.

But eventually I just got tired
of sitting around all day

watching TV with her.

The break up was pretty tough
on her.