Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - A Bear and Honey - full transcript
Nelson pays a visit to Honey Garrett, the chef who catered his birthday party, and manages to upset the shooting of her reality cooking show before finding out some very disturbing news about Hot Toddy.
And…action.
When having friends over for lunch,
show them that you really care,
by incorporating some fresh flowers in your table scape.
I like to use something unconventional for a vase.
Like this old blender. Isn't that unique?
And what a great conversation starter.
Think of what everyone will be saying about blenders and vases.
Voila!
Up next,
A few helpful hints on one of my favorite topics
Braising.
I'm Honey Garret and you're watching "A Little Bit of Honey".
And we're out!
Excuse me. Ms. Garret.
Who are you?
I'm Nelson Dorkoff.
I hired you to cater my birthday party the other night.
Oh, right.
Well, I'm surprise you remember.
I haven't seen the guest of honor swill that much booze
since I catered Liza Minelli's wedding to that gay troll.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
What are you doing, by the way?
Oh, we're doing a demo for the Food Network.
Oh my God. Do you need a charismatic sidekick with tons of acting experience?
I carry these with me everywhere.
I see that you do.
But sorry, its a cooking show, not "The Biggest Loser".
Listen, Honey…
Don’t get that familiar with me.
I don’t know you.
I was just calling you by your name.
Oh, right.
Before you go back to taping,
I just wanted to ask you a few questions about night of the party.
Your food was delicious by the way.
Oh, what a doll! Now, I don't need a sidekick.
But I would like people to stop by Honey's Kitchen.
Phil, roll…
Phil, get off the phone! And role the camera!
Center yourself Honey.
And…action!
I'm back, and just like the Barefoot Contessa,
I like to have my gay queenie friends stop by the show as well.
And today I have Nelson.
And Nelson, I recently catered your 50th Birthday party.
40th Birthday. If any casting directors are watching.
However, my age range is 30 to 50.
Apparently, my shrimp puffs were a huge hit.
Actually they were very few leftovers of anything, right?
I thought I went overboard preparing you know food for 100,
but then these 20 very large men
came by the party and really cleaned me out.
Now, Nelson, do you have any questions
about my food?
Actually I do. Where you around the food the entire night?
Oh, well course I was. I prepared it.
Well, did you notice anybody suspicious around the food?
Could they have put something in it?
Gee, Nelson, I don't know what you are getting at.
I use only the freshest ingredients.
Listen, Honey.
I'm not friend, don't call me that.
I'm just calling her by name.
Miss Garrett.
Someone was murdered at our party.
And the police believe they were Poisoned.
By my food?!
Maybe.
Oh my God!! Phil! Cut it off! Cut the Goddamn camera off. Get Out here!
Get over here!
Are you trying to ruin me?! Huh?
Did Rachel Ray send you? Huh? Did she send you?
Because I happen to know that she’s very threatened by me.
She will do anything in her power
to make sure that my demo does not reach the executives at the Food Network!
That gravelly voiced bitch!
30 Minute Meal, my ass! 30 minutes, then got shit on your plate!
Then you got to eat it!
Calm down, Honey.
Don’t patronize me! I am NOT your honey....
Oh my God! Did you just change your name to Honey?
Actually I did. I needed something catchier than “A Little Bit O Agnes.”
Look, I’m not accusing you of anything. OK?
But I have to know.
Do you recognize this guy?
Because he was poisoned at our party that YOU catered.
I’ve never seen him before in my life. And I certainly didn’t poison him.
And, I did not hire any waiters. I served everything myself.
So it could not be my food.
The only person I hired was the bartender.
What's his name?
Todd Stevens.
Hot Toddy?
Oh, ya ya.
He was hot! And he was the only straight guy there.
He was flirting with me ALL night.
Okay, that's impossible. Because he's gay,
and he's sleeping with me.
Oh, sweetie, oh my oh… you ARE an actor.
What a crock!
He is! And, I’m nuts about him...
OK, crazy!
Well, you just live in that fantasy land
that you got up there in that noodle.
And, if you're through accusing me of murder.
Then I'd like to get back to my demo.
You Crazy Mother Fucker!!
Jesus Phil, roll camera. We're losing light.
He was bar tending that night? Terrific.
Reggie and Wood are going to have a field day with this.
When having friends over for lunch,
show them that you really care,
by incorporating some fresh flowers in your table scape.
I like to use something unconventional for a vase.
Like this old blender. Isn't that unique?
And what a great conversation starter.
Think of what everyone will be saying about blenders and vases.
Voila!
Up next,
A few helpful hints on one of my favorite topics
Braising.
I'm Honey Garret and you're watching "A Little Bit of Honey".
And we're out!
Excuse me. Ms. Garret.
Who are you?
I'm Nelson Dorkoff.
I hired you to cater my birthday party the other night.
Oh, right.
Well, I'm surprise you remember.
I haven't seen the guest of honor swill that much booze
since I catered Liza Minelli's wedding to that gay troll.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
What are you doing, by the way?
Oh, we're doing a demo for the Food Network.
Oh my God. Do you need a charismatic sidekick with tons of acting experience?
I carry these with me everywhere.
I see that you do.
But sorry, its a cooking show, not "The Biggest Loser".
Listen, Honey…
Don’t get that familiar with me.
I don’t know you.
I was just calling you by your name.
Oh, right.
Before you go back to taping,
I just wanted to ask you a few questions about night of the party.
Your food was delicious by the way.
Oh, what a doll! Now, I don't need a sidekick.
But I would like people to stop by Honey's Kitchen.
Phil, roll…
Phil, get off the phone! And role the camera!
Center yourself Honey.
And…action!
I'm back, and just like the Barefoot Contessa,
I like to have my gay queenie friends stop by the show as well.
And today I have Nelson.
And Nelson, I recently catered your 50th Birthday party.
40th Birthday. If any casting directors are watching.
However, my age range is 30 to 50.
Apparently, my shrimp puffs were a huge hit.
Actually they were very few leftovers of anything, right?
I thought I went overboard preparing you know food for 100,
but then these 20 very large men
came by the party and really cleaned me out.
Now, Nelson, do you have any questions
about my food?
Actually I do. Where you around the food the entire night?
Oh, well course I was. I prepared it.
Well, did you notice anybody suspicious around the food?
Could they have put something in it?
Gee, Nelson, I don't know what you are getting at.
I use only the freshest ingredients.
Listen, Honey.
I'm not friend, don't call me that.
I'm just calling her by name.
Miss Garrett.
Someone was murdered at our party.
And the police believe they were Poisoned.
By my food?!
Maybe.
Oh my God!! Phil! Cut it off! Cut the Goddamn camera off. Get Out here!
Get over here!
Are you trying to ruin me?! Huh?
Did Rachel Ray send you? Huh? Did she send you?
Because I happen to know that she’s very threatened by me.
She will do anything in her power
to make sure that my demo does not reach the executives at the Food Network!
That gravelly voiced bitch!
30 Minute Meal, my ass! 30 minutes, then got shit on your plate!
Then you got to eat it!
Calm down, Honey.
Don’t patronize me! I am NOT your honey....
Oh my God! Did you just change your name to Honey?
Actually I did. I needed something catchier than “A Little Bit O Agnes.”
Look, I’m not accusing you of anything. OK?
But I have to know.
Do you recognize this guy?
Because he was poisoned at our party that YOU catered.
I’ve never seen him before in my life. And I certainly didn’t poison him.
And, I did not hire any waiters. I served everything myself.
So it could not be my food.
The only person I hired was the bartender.
What's his name?
Todd Stevens.
Hot Toddy?
Oh, ya ya.
He was hot! And he was the only straight guy there.
He was flirting with me ALL night.
Okay, that's impossible. Because he's gay,
and he's sleeping with me.
Oh, sweetie, oh my oh… you ARE an actor.
What a crock!
He is! And, I’m nuts about him...
OK, crazy!
Well, you just live in that fantasy land
that you got up there in that noodle.
And, if you're through accusing me of murder.
Then I'd like to get back to my demo.
You Crazy Mother Fucker!!
Jesus Phil, roll camera. We're losing light.
He was bar tending that night? Terrific.
Reggie and Wood are going to have a field day with this.