Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 11 - Bear on a Stage - full transcript
Nelson is forced to return to his old acting class to question his arch nemesis and former comedy duo partner Dickie Calloway about his thorny relationship with the murder victim and the two wind up in an improv stand off.
So, that's not really how Taft Hartley works.
You have to get a job first. Then you become..
Well, well, well. As I live and breath.
Nelson Dorkoff has decided to grace our little acting class once again.
Hello, Dickie.
I'm trying to remember. When is the last time you were here?
I've been working.
An iCarly here, a Big Bang Theory there. It's actually been pretty busy.
I love the Big Bang Theory.
I don't remember seeing you on it.
Was it a crowd scene?
You know, I don't have that much time to watch TV anymore.
You know I got that recurring role on the Walking Dead.
As a Zombie? Yes.
And yet, I still find time to come to class.
I must be one of those weird actors who just likes to keep my instrument sharp.
You okay?
You just made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Hey, I am so sorry. I have not had a moment to email you
to say thanks for inviting me to your Birthday party.
I actually didn't.
I know, I came with people who were invited.
But I just really wanted to be there, Nelson.
To watch you turn another year older.
Yeah, about the party. I need...
Exciting news, boys and girls. Today we’re going to be doing improv.
So pair up and
prepare to impress me.
What do you say, Nelson?
For old time’s sake?
Oh, I wasn’t planning on staying. I need to talk to you about what happened at...
Oh, I totally get it.
You don't want to get up there. You're improv skills are probably really rusty.
Why don't you sneak out the front.
Oh, I am so going to mop the floor with you. Bring it!
Give us a location!
I want to see some real emotions in these scenes, okay?
Some raw emotions. You're at a party.
Go.
There's a dead body in the bathtub!
No, were in a doctor's office. I'm here for my physical.
Really?
And, at the party one of the guests
saw you
having a fight with the victim.
Which would be fine.
If he died of natural causes.
But he didn't die of natural causes. No he didn't.
The Police ruled his death a homicide.
Which begs the question
What were you two fighting about? And were you
the one who killed him?
Dickey, I knew you had a mean streak, okay.
Because you always put me down and always made fun of me.
But, really?
Killing some poor sap at my 40th Birthday party, just to ruin it.
Well, now you've gone too far!
Nelson.
I know it’s been a while since you’ve been to my class,
but it’s customary to let your scene partner respond at some point.
Okay. Alright.
What do you have to say for yourself murderer?!
Yes, Dickie, I love your energy, your focus.
Nelson, as usual, you're a little over the top.
So, pull it back a bit.
Call 911!
He really tried to strangle me right there!
I was just doing the scene!
I may have gotten a little carried away.
You know I'm a method actor.
Carried away, my ass! He was trying to strangle me.
And everything I said really happened at my party.
None of what you said is the truth.
Especially the part about you turning 40.
Wait, wait! So you deny
That you had a big fight with JCub at my Birthday party?
A fight with JCub. That guy's a wierdo!
He's a big fan of mine.
He was upset I wouldn't friend him on Facebook.
You know, I'm closing in on 5,000 friends.
Oh, dear God.
I said you can like me on my fan page
But even that wouldn't satisfy him.
So then he gets this phone call and that's when he really freaked out.
About what?
I don't know Nelson. I don't eve's drop.
He was talking to this guy he was dating.
And he was really upset because they got in a fight
over at Jackie Beats's drag show a couple of days before.
But I stopped listening at that point, be cause it got really tedious.
Just like your Birthday party!
Guys!
This scene is aimless.
Let’s try something else.
Dickie, you start.
You’re in a psychiatrist’s office. Go!
Nelson, why are you so insecurity that you lie about your age
and about the parts you play on television?
I'm here to get my car repaired.
On a skateboard with handles?
What are you grabbing boobs?
Little legs? Be specific!!
He can't even strangle right.
You have to get a job first. Then you become..
Well, well, well. As I live and breath.
Nelson Dorkoff has decided to grace our little acting class once again.
Hello, Dickie.
I'm trying to remember. When is the last time you were here?
I've been working.
An iCarly here, a Big Bang Theory there. It's actually been pretty busy.
I love the Big Bang Theory.
I don't remember seeing you on it.
Was it a crowd scene?
You know, I don't have that much time to watch TV anymore.
You know I got that recurring role on the Walking Dead.
As a Zombie? Yes.
And yet, I still find time to come to class.
I must be one of those weird actors who just likes to keep my instrument sharp.
You okay?
You just made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Hey, I am so sorry. I have not had a moment to email you
to say thanks for inviting me to your Birthday party.
I actually didn't.
I know, I came with people who were invited.
But I just really wanted to be there, Nelson.
To watch you turn another year older.
Yeah, about the party. I need...
Exciting news, boys and girls. Today we’re going to be doing improv.
So pair up and
prepare to impress me.
What do you say, Nelson?
For old time’s sake?
Oh, I wasn’t planning on staying. I need to talk to you about what happened at...
Oh, I totally get it.
You don't want to get up there. You're improv skills are probably really rusty.
Why don't you sneak out the front.
Oh, I am so going to mop the floor with you. Bring it!
Give us a location!
I want to see some real emotions in these scenes, okay?
Some raw emotions. You're at a party.
Go.
There's a dead body in the bathtub!
No, were in a doctor's office. I'm here for my physical.
Really?
And, at the party one of the guests
saw you
having a fight with the victim.
Which would be fine.
If he died of natural causes.
But he didn't die of natural causes. No he didn't.
The Police ruled his death a homicide.
Which begs the question
What were you two fighting about? And were you
the one who killed him?
Dickey, I knew you had a mean streak, okay.
Because you always put me down and always made fun of me.
But, really?
Killing some poor sap at my 40th Birthday party, just to ruin it.
Well, now you've gone too far!
Nelson.
I know it’s been a while since you’ve been to my class,
but it’s customary to let your scene partner respond at some point.
Okay. Alright.
What do you have to say for yourself murderer?!
Yes, Dickie, I love your energy, your focus.
Nelson, as usual, you're a little over the top.
So, pull it back a bit.
Call 911!
He really tried to strangle me right there!
I was just doing the scene!
I may have gotten a little carried away.
You know I'm a method actor.
Carried away, my ass! He was trying to strangle me.
And everything I said really happened at my party.
None of what you said is the truth.
Especially the part about you turning 40.
Wait, wait! So you deny
That you had a big fight with JCub at my Birthday party?
A fight with JCub. That guy's a wierdo!
He's a big fan of mine.
He was upset I wouldn't friend him on Facebook.
You know, I'm closing in on 5,000 friends.
Oh, dear God.
I said you can like me on my fan page
But even that wouldn't satisfy him.
So then he gets this phone call and that's when he really freaked out.
About what?
I don't know Nelson. I don't eve's drop.
He was talking to this guy he was dating.
And he was really upset because they got in a fight
over at Jackie Beats's drag show a couple of days before.
But I stopped listening at that point, be cause it got really tedious.
Just like your Birthday party!
Guys!
This scene is aimless.
Let’s try something else.
Dickie, you start.
You’re in a psychiatrist’s office. Go!
Nelson, why are you so insecurity that you lie about your age
and about the parts you play on television?
I'm here to get my car repaired.
On a skateboard with handles?
What are you grabbing boobs?
Little legs? Be specific!!
He can't even strangle right.