Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Bear Down - full transcript
Roommates Nelson Dorkoff, Reggie Hatch and Wood Burns wake up the morning after a blow out party at their house to find a hot young bear cub in bed with Nelson and a very dead body in their bathtub.
Good Morning.
I have sleep apnea. That's the only reason I had that mask on.
I look completely ridiculous. It's like an overweight Bear thing.
it's a nightmare at airports trying to check it.
Oh my god!
you are fucking gorgeous!
Thank you. You are too!
So, was last night incredible or what?
Oh yeah, it was amazing, it was
Excuse me.
What was your name again?
You know Wood, sometimes you meet somebody and you just know.
It happened to me to last night.
His name is Todd and he's a bartender at the Eagle.
I can't believe we've never met him before.
Did you get his number?
No. Which is why we've got to be a good back to the Eagle tonight for Meat Rack.
Guys!
There's a guy in my bed.
and I think we had sex! I don't remember.
Ooh, is it that creepy performance artist guy
with the horrible combover and that orange tan?
You two would be totally perfect together.
True.
Actually, Reggie
The guy is amazingly hot!
He's unbelievable!
God, I'm so hung over. I've got dry mouth.
Here, have some juice. Thanks.
That's a Screwdriver!!! Yah, and?
And, it's 8 in the morning drunky!!
Anyway, his names Todd
and he's a bartender at the Eagle.
Imagine that.
2 guys named Todd, who are both bartenders at the Eagle.
No way!
No way that you, this, had sex with Hot Toddy from the Eagle.
I don't even remember meeting him.
I don't know, last night, it's kind of a blur.
I know I had a lot to drink.
but I remember I was in a really good mood
and was just happy that everyone showed up to my party.
To Hell with all of you people!
Ya, all of you!
This party sucks!!
Hey Guys! Hey you.
Good morning.
(coughing)
You alright buddie?
No, no, no!!
This is not happening!
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Feel better.
You want some breakfast?
No. Unless I get to eat you up.
There is some guy passed out in our bathtub!
What does he look like?
At least 9 inches!
Real inches or internet inches though?
Oh, hello.
Hey buddy!
parties over.
(gasps)
Wait a minute. Oh my god.
That's my roommate.
I think he's dead!
I have sleep apnea. That's the only reason I had that mask on.
I look completely ridiculous. It's like an overweight Bear thing.
it's a nightmare at airports trying to check it.
Oh my god!
you are fucking gorgeous!
Thank you. You are too!
So, was last night incredible or what?
Oh yeah, it was amazing, it was
Excuse me.
What was your name again?
You know Wood, sometimes you meet somebody and you just know.
It happened to me to last night.
His name is Todd and he's a bartender at the Eagle.
I can't believe we've never met him before.
Did you get his number?
No. Which is why we've got to be a good back to the Eagle tonight for Meat Rack.
Guys!
There's a guy in my bed.
and I think we had sex! I don't remember.
Ooh, is it that creepy performance artist guy
with the horrible combover and that orange tan?
You two would be totally perfect together.
True.
Actually, Reggie
The guy is amazingly hot!
He's unbelievable!
God, I'm so hung over. I've got dry mouth.
Here, have some juice. Thanks.
That's a Screwdriver!!! Yah, and?
And, it's 8 in the morning drunky!!
Anyway, his names Todd
and he's a bartender at the Eagle.
Imagine that.
2 guys named Todd, who are both bartenders at the Eagle.
No way!
No way that you, this, had sex with Hot Toddy from the Eagle.
I don't even remember meeting him.
I don't know, last night, it's kind of a blur.
I know I had a lot to drink.
but I remember I was in a really good mood
and was just happy that everyone showed up to my party.
To Hell with all of you people!
Ya, all of you!
This party sucks!!
Hey Guys! Hey you.
Good morning.
(coughing)
You alright buddie?
No, no, no!!
This is not happening!
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Feel better.
You want some breakfast?
No. Unless I get to eat you up.
There is some guy passed out in our bathtub!
What does he look like?
At least 9 inches!
Real inches or internet inches though?
Oh, hello.
Hey buddy!
parties over.
(gasps)
Wait a minute. Oh my god.
That's my roommate.
I think he's dead!