When Nature Calls (2021–2022): Season 1, Episode 1 - Let's begin at the Beginning - full transcript

♪♪

Mirren:
The natural world.

Stunning in its beauty.

♪♪

Staggering in its complexity.

♪♪

And although these landscapes,

with their myriad
of wild denizens,

may seem alien at first...

if we look closer,
relatable truths are revealed.

For within this grandeur



resides a wealth
of unexpected drama...

Leopard:
Hey, stripe‐y!

Zebra: Uh, yeah?

I'm gonna mess you up.
Wahhh!

[ Branch cracks, thud ]

[ Cackling ]

We are now empowered

to explore
this once mysterious world

and revel in the entirety
of life on this planet,

an astonishing diversity
of beings

each with their own
fascinating story.

Gorilla #1: Jack,
I want you to draw me

like one of
your French girls.

Wearing fleas.



Gorilla #2:
All right.

Wearing only fleas.

Let us venture
beyond the protective canopy

of Earth's forests...

dive deep beneath
its roaring seas...

traverse its austere
desert landscapes...

and commune
with fellow travelers

on this, our shared home.

Baboon: Errrr....
I don't know about this.

These animals ‐‐
vibrant, diverse, passionate ‐‐

are not so different from us.

And if we listened
close enough...

what would we hear
these noble creatures say?

Turtle: I don't want
to be on reality TV!!

Ohh! Ugh! Ugh!

[ Birds calling ]

Prepare yourself
for a truly unique journey...

and witness the beauty and
wonder that can transpire...

♪♪

[ Wind whistling ]

Male stork:
No, no, that's not right.

I said it's hit, boom, turn,

then shimmy,
whack‐a‐mole, whack‐a‐mole,

then boom, unh,
carrot stick, pop.

Lean with it. Rock with it.

Scoop, cat‐cat, then turn.

Giraffe neck.
Eat the leaves from the tree.

Eat the leaves from the tree.

Then you stand on one leg.
Got it?

Stork: No.
Again.

♪♪

♪♪

Mirren: The animal kingdom stirs
with wonder and possibility.

It is the very tapestry
of creation itself.

♪♪

Join me as we experience

this majestic orb
in a new light.

I'm Helen Mirren.

Yeah, that Helen Mirren.

Legend of the stage and screen,

winner of an Oscar,
four Emmys, one Tony,

four BAFTAs, which is like
the British version

of the MTV Movie Awards.

But, you know, let's not make
a whole thing out of it.

I'm ‐‐ I'm just a regular dame
like you.

Our journey will touch upon
the commonalities

that we, as humans, share
with our brethren in the wild.

We all, animal and human alike,

live and work and love,

and, sometimes,
we don't wear pants.

Tonight, we will focus on what
we learn from our experiences,

how we grow, the life lessons.

Chief among these is how
we master our environment.

And in the forests of Brazil,
there is no greater example

than the crafty, tufted
capuchin monkey.

Dad monkey: Okay.
Gonna fix the HVAC.

Easy. Very easy.
Mr. Fix‐It, that's me.

Is this thing ‐‐
Is this thing hollow?

Is this supposed to, uh ‐‐
Maybe if I...

Whoa.
Shhhh‐ish kebab!

Dang it! That is not
supposed to come off.

Mom monkey: Don, honey,
I do believe you can fix it,

but it might be faster
to call a handyman.

Oh, t‐there's
no need, honey.

W‐We just have a problem
with one of these, uh,

springy dealies.
You gotta roll it out.

Handyman?
I'm a handyman.

I'm a man. I have hands.

This'll do the trick.
Just gotta...

This guy here,
stick this into the, uh ‐‐

Fuuuuudge brownies.

[ Exhales sharply ]
Keep it together, Don.

Gah. Come on!
Maybe if I just...

[ Grunting ]

Don't know what I'm doing here.

Maybe I need a Phillips head?

Hey, honey! Can you
bring me the Phillips head?!

That was
the Phillips head!

I know! And now I need
a flat Phillips head.

That's not a thing, Don.

Kid monkey:
Want me to find you

a YouTube tutorial, Dad?!

A tutorial?!
A‐Absolutely not!

I‐In fact, son,
you should come down here,

learn a thing or two.
It's a good teachable moment.

What am I talking about,
"teachable moment"?

I have
an art‐history degree.

I'm not a friggin'
handyman!

Ugh. This is gonna end up
costing us twice as much now.

Eric: Hey, neighbors!
What's Don ‐‐

Hey! Don!
You need a hand?!

Looks like you need
a pipe wrench!

Dad monkey: I'm fine, Eric,
but thanks!

I‐It's under control!

[Softly] Hey, Siri.
[ Beeping ]

Call handyman.

♪♪

Mirren: While working with
one's hands is a noble pursuit,

there are those,
both human and animal,

who can coast
solely on their looks...

...as we shall see on a visit
to the island of Madagascar

to meet the fetching
sifaka lemur.

[ EDM music plays ]

Photographer: [French accent]
Models aren't born.

They're made!

Once in a blue moon,
you capture a model

that defines beauty, style,
and je ne sais quoi.

He...is...Serge!

♪♪

Temperamental? Yes.

Serge:
Unh! I'm starving!

But it is what you get
when you work with living art!

Hey, everybody! I'm Serge!
And I'm a model! Gah!

Oh. Okay. Uh, that's great.
You look great, Serge!

But less of the talking.

Show me how much
you love nature.

Okay. I'll lick the tree.
I guess!

[ Lips smacking ]

Yes. More of that.
You love that tree, don't you?

[ Camera shutter clicks ]
I love you, tree. Yes.

Yes! Show me!
Love that tree!

You are a sexy mistress
of nature!

Keep going!
You are on fire!

Look! I can almost turn my head
all the way around!

[ Grunting ] Ow!

No, no.

Serge should be seen...
and not heard!

Okay.
I'll be real quiet then!!

Do you hear me?!
I'LL BE REAL QUIET NOW!!

Ugh. Looks like a million bucks,
but, boy, is this guy dumb.

Yes! That's it!
Give me what I need!

♪♪

Mirren: Many animals are
not blessed with a partner ‐‐

one who can serve
as an inspirational muse

or a hunting companion

or just a good hang
you can crack a few beers with.

Solitary creatures must survive

by relying on their own
unique abilities...

especially in the lonely depths
of the mighty ocean.

[ Twinkling ]

Sea fairy: It is I,
the mystical sea fairy..

who only visits
but once a century!

Aren't I so very beautiful?!

Now, I'm ready to grant
your greatest wishes!

Is anyone...?

Nobody's here.

I guess 2021 is going great.

No one needs a wish granted.

A hundred short years ago,
people were stoked to see me,

wishing for stuff
left and right.

Welp. I guess, uh ‐‐ I guess
I'll just come back...later.

♪♪

Mirren: Not all creatures
toil in obscurity.

There are those who exist
to make their presence known.

Yes, another life lesson
our animal friends can impart

is the value in drawing
attention to oneself.

Unless, of course,
you're an antelope

and most of your day is spent
trying not to get eaten.

♪♪

But, still,
there are the bold ones,

the brazen souls who dare
to stand out from the crowd...

like these socially cunning
Japanese squirrels,

who rule their corner
of the Aokigahara Forest.

Narrator: And, now,
grab a rainwater martini

and join the ladies of

"The Real Housewives
of the Forest Biome."

Squirrel #1: Hey, Bev!
Squirrel #2: Yes, dah‐ling.

Do you think I went
a little overboard

on my cheeks this time?

Don't be silly!
They're perfect!

Squirrel #3:
Hey, Bev, what about me?

You couldn't look better
if you tried.

Aww! You mean it?

I swear on my firstborn.
And she's the normal one.

[ All laugh ]

Bev, when are you getting
your cheeks filled?

Why, I'm doing it
right now.

Young squirrel:
Excuse me, ma'am?

Did you just
call me "ma'am"?

[ Gasps ]
Squirrel #3: Oh, no, girl.

Young squirrel:
Yeah, do you know where
the nearest restroom is?

Oh, and now you assume
I work here?

[ Gasps ]

Squirrel #3: Ooh! That's
strike two. Careful, now.

Young squirrel:
I guess I wasn't thinking.

Exactly! Now get your tight fur
out of my sight...

Okay, okay. Geez.

...before I lose my nuts!

♪♪

Mirren: We can learn so much
from the inhabitants

of the animal kingdom.

Wisdom can be gleaned
from the noble lion...

the majestic hermit crab...

and elephants,
who I honestly think

are kind of overrated, actually.

Ohh! What about these guys?!

♪♪

Jerr‐‐
Where's my producer, Jerry?

Jerry:
Uh, yes, Dame Helen?

What is this animal?

What is it?
Some kind of raccoon cat?

Those are, uh...

[ Papers shuffling ]

...coatis.

Hmm! Coatis.

Bring me one. I want one.

Well, they're a‐a wild animal
a‐and protected, I think.

Oh, okay.

Then put me down
for a couple of chipmunks

or ground squirrels till
we get this coati thing sorted.

You got it.

Thank you, Jerry!
You're the best.

I know; I don't tell you that
enough, do I?

And therein lies another
vital lesson we can glean.

Careful communication
is vitally important,

especially in the wild.

Just ask
the North American pika,

who are as social
as they are skittish.

Pika wife: Hey, hon?
Pika: Yeah?

Know what I was thinking
the other day?

Totally!

I can't believe
that tomorrow's

already our seven‐year
anniversary!

Crazy, right?
Wait. Seven years?

Oh, God! Not again!

[ Frantic music plays ]

I'll take this.
And this.

Ooh, and this.

Weasel:
Hey! My begonias!

[Muffled] Sorry, Steve.
Need these more than you!

♪♪

Boobie husband:
There goes Harold again.

Boobie wife: Yeah, I wonder what
he did to Jeannie this time.

Boobie husband:
Poor guy can't win.

[ Panting ]

Happy seventh anniversary,
sweetheart! Heh‐heh!

Harold, I was talking
about it being seven years

since we remodeled
our bathroom.

Oh. Uh, y‐yeah.
Heh. I knew that.

So should I find a vase
for these or...?

And we've been married for
thirteen years, not seven.

Yep. Got it.

♪♪

Mirren:
Our animal friends

mirror our own romantic pursuits
back at us.

We recognize, in their
wild, horny fumblings,

ourselves...

and we see
the same insecurities...

foibles, and sweaty desperation

that often accompany
our search toward...

you know, hooking up,

bumping uglies, what‐have‐you.

And our closest animal relative,

the chimpanzee
of the African Congo,

knows full well
that the art of seduction

can be difficult to master.

♪♪

♪♪

Male chimp: But soft!

What light through
yonder window breaks?

It is the east.
And Juliet is the sun.

Female chimp: Aye, me.

She speaks!

Her eye discourses.
I will answer it.

[ Clears throat ]

Heh heh heh.
Hiiiiiiii! Ehh...

What? Who said that?

Meeee! Heh!
It's me! I said that!

I've been watching you
on your balcony

from down here. Hi!

Ugh! Scram, creep!

Okay. Fair enough.
Bye‐eee!

[ Water bubbling ]

[ Twinkling ]

Sea fairy: 'Tis I! Again!

The mystical wish‐granting
sea fairy. From earlier?

No? Well...

I'm still just...
swimming around,

looking for anyone
who might have a wish.

Nobody? Really?

Maybe it's because
I'm four miles underneath

the surface of the ocean.

You know,
when I appeared last century,

I took the form
of a majestic glowing fox

that wandered from town to town.

This time, I'm a slug floating
in the middle of the ocean.

Not the best choice
in terms of foot traffic, yes.

That's on me.

Still, you'd think
there'd be at least

some blobfish out there wishing
they didn't look so stupid.

[ Laughs ]

Okay, that was unprofessional
of me.

Still? Nobody?

COME ON!!

Well, joke's on you people.

'Cause I can live forever.

And next time I come back,
you'll all be long dead!

So long, [bleep]!

♪♪

♪♪

Mirren: Life in the wild,
like our human existence,

is marked by unpredictability...

...shadowy dangers...

and the grim specter of fright.

[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Laughing joyously ]

Oh, sorry. I just thought
of something funny.

Anyway, perhaps you, too,
have encountered

one of the most challenging
of life's lessons ‐‐

how to face one's fears.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Frog: Okay. Okay.
You can do this, Jake.

I‐It's just the high dive.

A v‐v‐v‐very high dive.

Snake: Hey, Jake.
Jussst jump already.

What are you waiting for?

Frog:
I will! I'll jump!

[Nervously]
On my own time.

I'll jump. Like now.

In three, two...

Ohh, boy.
Okay. Come on.

Just one little jump,
and you'll prove to your friend

that you're not afraid
of heights!

[ Snake chanting ]
Ju‐ump! Ju‐ump! Ju‐ump!

Stheriously,
don't be such a chicken!

Have you always
had that lisp?

I'm trying Invithalign.
That'th it. I'm gonna push you!

What?! Push me?!
Don't!

Fine. I'll just...

j‐u‐u‐u‐u‐u‐u‐u‐u‐ump!

Oh, wow! He did it!

[ Thud ]
Ow! Ugh!

Gah! Unh!

[ Thud ]

Sthorry. I forgot
they drained the pool.

♪♪

Mirren: One of the key lessons
to survival in the wild

is simple awareness.

Is that animal
lurking in the shadows

a friend or a predator?

Is it safe to drink
from this stream?

And where the hell
did I park my car?

In short, one must learn
to be always aware

of one's surroundings.

[ Game‐show jingle plays ]

Game‐show host: And, now,
the brand‐new game show

everyone is howling about!

It's time for...

Studio audience:
Wolf! Or! Rock!

Game‐show host:
Let's meet tonight's contestant!

Rich: Yeah, I'm Rich, a retiree
from Scottsdale, Arizona.

Okay, Rich.
Let's play the game.

Do you see...

a wolf...or a rock?

I'm ready to answer.

Wait till you hear
the buzzer.

Yeah, but I'm ready
to answer now.

Shh! Just...quiet.

[ Buzzer ]

Now, Rich, what did you see?
A wolf or a rock?

Yeah, it's a wolf.
Obviously.

And the answer is ‐‐
Audience?

Studio audience: Rock!
[ Bell dinging ]

Wait. What?!
Wait a minute!

And that's
all the time we have.

Seriously,
what the [bleep]?

Tune in next week for another
enthralling episode of...

Studio audience:
Wolf! Or! Rock!

♪♪

[ Sensual music plays ]

Amber:
Hi, guys. It's Amber.

And welcome to
my OnlyFins Page.

Now, who wants to see me

eat...this...algae?

[ Dramatic music plays ]

♪♪

Mirren: As we pierce the veil
of the animal kingdom

and behold the wondrous
creatures who reside within,

we are struck
by their stories...

and, in some cases,
their body hair...

and we uncover the universal
life lessons within.

Animals, like us, must learn
the value of hard work...

the importance
of conquering their fears...

and the value of persistence.

For those with intricate
social structures,

like the Virunga mountain
gorillas of East Africa,

there can be great pressure
to prove oneself.

Casting assistant: Gorilla
auditioning for role of Gorilla.

Take 1.
[ Clapboard snaps ]

Gorilla: Can't believe I need
to audition, but whatever.

[ Chuckles ]
How 'bout a little swing?

I did this on
"Planet of the Apes."

It's on my résumé.

You probably remember
"Ooh‐ooh, ahh‐ahh!"

Yeah, that's a little bit
of my monologue

from a little film called
"Kong: Skull Island."

Lot of college dudes
still quote that.

Casting assistant: Gorilla
auditioning for role of Gorilla.

Take 2.
[ Clapboard snaps ]

Gorilla: Of course I can.
I'm professionally trained.

Lesson one ‐‐ [Grunts]
no matter how hard ‐‐ unh ‐‐

[Muffled]
...make it look easy.

[ Spits ]

And that's what you call
working with props.

Casting assistant: Gorilla
auditioning for role of Gorilla.

Take 3.
[ Clapboard snaps ]

Gorilla:
Hey‐oh! One‐handed.

Heh. That's some pro [bleep]
right there.

Ope! One hand again. Ha‐ha!

I should be a household name.

Heyyy!
Ooh‐ooh, ahh‐ahh, right? Ha‐ha!

Our grandkids will be quoting
that when we're both dead.

By the way,
I also do my own...

[ Branch snaps ]
...st‐u‐u‐u‐unts!

[ Thud ]

♪♪

Mirren: We depart
the treetops of the lowlands

to once again return
to the haunting majesty

of the ocean floor,

where we check in one last time
with an old friend.

[ Twinkling ]

Sea fairy: 'Tis I. Yep.

The mystical sea fairy.

Still here.

[ Sighs heavily ]
Seriously. What is up?

Everyone keeps swimming by.
Nobody wants a wish.

Acting like I'm the [bleep].

A starfish just gave me
the finger like five times!

How often do you come across

a magical, wish‐granting
sea fairy?

Come on!

I even paid for a whole bunch
of Instagram ads.

Nothing. Ugh!

My dad was right. I should
have gone to law school.

[ Sobbing ]

♪♪

Mirren: The world of nature
is not merely one of splendor...

♪♪

...grandeur...

♪♪

...and endless glimpses
of windswept vistas.

Although, sure,
it's got a buttload of those.

♪♪

Rather, this world can often
embody two ideas at once.

♪♪

Peril and mischief...

beauty and absurdity...

and, like, kind of gross bugs
and cute baby bears.

And all of them speak
to the lessons of life...

when nature calls.

♪♪

Stan Eiseberg:
Are you tired of clambering
up steep, slippery inclines

only to fall back down
like a clumsy fool?

[ Penguin squawks ]

Are you sick and tired
of fighting against gravity

and your own inability
to evolve?

Penguin: Whoopsie!
Stan Eiseberg:
Have you slid down

into the frigid arctic waters
and thought to yourself,

"There's gotta be a better way"?

Well, friends, there is.

Hi. I'm Stan Eiseberg,

for Eiseberg's
Penguin Stairs.

For years, climbing
has been the bane

of penguin
existence.

Our silly little feet
can't grip,

and I don't even think
we have knees.

I try not to dwell on it.
It's pretty upsetting.

But, now, with my patented
stair technology,

you can take the first step
into a brighter future,

one where you're not flailing
like a buffoon

and sliding helplessly into
the mouth of a hungry orca.

So stop being nature's
little clown,

always falling over and soiling
your fancy little tuxedo.

You're a penguin. Be proud.

With Eiseberg's Penguin Stairs.

You're gonna like the way
you slowly climb up somewhere.

I guarantee it.
[ Ding! ]

Announcer:
Eiseberg's Penguin Stairs.

Handrail sold separately ‐‐
because, you know,

you're a penguin
and you don't have hands.

♪♪

Mirren: The living world.

Pulsing with
vibrant beauty and wonder.

An achingly intricate,
natural tapestry ‐‐

lush rainforests...

snow‐swept mountains...

and mighty oceans.

Look all around you.

Our planet is a treasure

of sights and sounds.

Voice: On your left!
Seal: What?

I said, "On your ‐‐"

Unh!
Oooooooof!

[Groaning]
I meant on your right!

[ Splash ]

Mirren:
We are blessed with the ability

to now tour the unspoiled
majesty of nature itself...

to walk beside
our animal brethren.

These beings,
once so mysterious to us,

can now step from the shadows

to reveal themselves
in all their grandeur.

Lizard: Hey, Mitch.
Ya got something on your face.

Mantis: Oh. How embarrassing.
Where? Here?

N‐No. H‐Here.
I‐I'll get it for ya.

[ Muffled ] Thank you.
[ Lizard slurps ]

Now we shall venture deep
into the domain of the animals,

plunge into
the darkest jungles...

soar above towering mountains...

and explore the noble kingdoms

that can exist even in the
smallest pockets of creation.

Ant #1: What are you doing?
Hey, stop it.

I'm gonna f‐a‐a‐a‐all!

Ant #2: And that's for telling
people I overreact to things!

Mirren: Together, we'll discover
that life on this planet

is one sprawling,
shared experience.

Compassion, empathy,
communication.

These are not qualities
reserved only for humans.

And when a being
finds its true voice,

the whole world
should lean in to listen.

Leave what you know behind

and prepare to be humbled
and astonished

by all that is revealed...

♪♪

Announcer: And, now, untamed,
unvarnished, unsolicited.

These are...

Wolf: So...do you guys think
that "The Crown"

is just kinda...boring?

I've watched every episode,

and, honestly,
I'm just kinda bored.

Huh!

Announcer:
This has been...

♪♪

Mirren: So far on our journey
into the natural world,

we have witnessed animals
assert their dominance...

confront their deepest fears...

and contemplate their impact
on future generations.

But how do they apply
this knowledge

while also intermingling
with myriad other creatures

on this, our shared Earth?

As we shall now witness,
animals, like us,

must navigate
familial relationships...

intense rivalries...

and dalliances
with straight‐up weirdoes.

Indeed, our wild planet
is host to...

a world of personalities.

And, now, let us begin at...

hm, the beginning.

Makes sense, I guess.

The earliest interpersonal
relationship for each of us,

whether human or animal,
arrives in childhood.

To see this in action, we travel
to the African savanna,

where a rambunctious
young elephant

makes his presence known.

Bird #1: Ahh.
Lovely day for a walk.

Bird #2: Don't look now,
but that large neighbor boy

is out again!

Oh, no.
You mean...?

Little elephant:
YAYYYYY!

Announcer: Carmichael.
Lives large. Is large.

Carmichael: Hey!
Some friends! Let's play!

Henh‐henh‐henh‐henh‐henh!

Whoa!
[ Screaming ]

Yay! Come here, bird!

Parent elephant:
Oh. Sorry.

Carmichael, sweetie,
leave the Wilsons alone.

They're just out for a stroll.

[ Giggles ] He gets excited.

[Breathlessly]
That's okay.

Carmichael: I'm gonna
hug you with my feet, friends!

I'm just like you!

JUST LIKE YOUUUUU!!
[ Birds screaming ]

Come here. Come here, bird.
Come here.

Friends forever!

God, he's a menace!

We have to move!
That's all there is to it.

We gotta move.

Parent elephant:
Carmichael, let's go.

Carmichael: Did you see me
with my frieeeends?

They were playing with me!
And then they left!

Well, maybe they just couldn't
handle how perfect you are,

my sweet, innocent, little...

Announcer: Carmichael!

♪♪

Mirren: Children,
by their nature, are curious ‐‐

Ever‐watching, always exploring,

and constantly
spilling Goldfish crackers

all over the backseat
of your car.

I mean, really. Did you manage
to get any of it in your mouth?

[ Sighs heavily ] Sorry.

The mind of a child
is a delightful wonder,

but even for our wild cousins,

like these pumas
in the foothills of Patagonia,

their curiosity can be
a bit of a handful.

[ Pumas grunting ]

Puma #1:
Stop touching me!

Puma #2:
I'm not touching you!

Stop touching me!

I'm not touching you!

Puma #3: I'm telling Mom
you're touching him!

Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm gonna tell Mom

you took the batteries out
of her buzzy banana thing.

T‐That's not a banana.
It's a jiggly magic wand!

Puma mom: Boys!
Why are there batteries

out in the living room?

[ Gasps ] Were you playing
around in my room?!

Puma kids: Nooooo!

Puma #3:
But what was that thing?

Puma mom: That was Mommy's...
electric toothbrush.

If she doesn't brush her teeth
once a day,

she gets...cranky.

♪♪

Mirren: Navigating
familial relationships

can be tricky for any species.

But life's struggles are not
relegated merely to one's home.

The outside world presents
its own share of obstacles.

At some point, every animal
on Earth meets their match...

whether in the form
of a physical rival

or a sandwich
they simply couldn't finish.

To face these challenges,
one must dig deep

and find their hunger
to prevail...

...both for victory

and for what remains
of that tuna hoagie.

Competition can push any species
toward greatness...

as evidenced by the interplay

between the tufted
capuchin monkeys of Brazil.

Narrator: If you thought you
knew what "extreme" meant...

Monkey: G'aaaaah!

...you better think again!

A buncha monkeys. Just one vine.

Over crocodile‐infested waters.

[ Monkey screams ]

Whoever can hang on
the longest, wins...

one...million...dollars!

That's right ‐‐
one million dollars of money,

which creates
a whole lotta drama!

Monkey: Y‐Yes, I did just
outswim several crocodiles

that wanted to eat me,
but I'd do it again.

I'd get back up
on that vine again

because I could
really use that money.

That money would
change my life, man.

[Shakily]
It would change my life.

Narrator:
You won't wanna miss...

"Whose Vine Is It Anyway?"

Coming this summer to ‐‐

What's that?
Can't use that title, huh?

Ah. Copyrighted. Got it.

[ Tape rewinding ]
You won't wanna miss...

"American Monkey Warrior,"
only on ‐‐

Really? That one, too? Okay.

[ Tape rewinding ]
You won't wanna miss...

"Monkeying Around."
[ Monkeys chattering ]

♪♪

Announcer: You didn't ask,
and he doesn't care.

These are...

Wolf: I...

I do not get Chris Hemsworth.

I just don't think
he's hot or charismatic.

Like, at all.

Am I wrong?

Well. Just how I feel.

Announcer:
This has been...

♪♪

Mirren: As human visitors
into the realm of the wild,

we underestimate nature
and its inhabitants

at our own peril.

As we have explored so far,

animals are passionate,
complex creatures

who can inspire awe
and reverence.

They can also, quite frankly,

sometimes act like
total jackasses.

In the wild,
as in human society,

it can be tough to decipher
the line between friend and foe.

This is especially true
for a sika deer and a macaque

in the forests of Japan.

Rico: Huh! Easy there, whiskey!
Settle down, girl.

Kwame:
Rico, get off my back,

and stop giving me
these cheesy horse names.

My name is Kwame.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Rico: Hehp!
Run like the wind, Misty!
Kwame: Get off!

Rico: Huhp! Giddy‐up,
Ginger Snap! Giddy‐up!
Kwame: Ow! Rico!

Rico:
Settle down, Seabiscuit,

or it's straight
to the glue factory.

Kwame: Get off my...

Rico: Whoops.
Guess you're right.

Sorry, Chestnut.
Boy, get off me.

You play too much.

♪♪

Mirren:
From the woodlands of Japan

to the boundless serenity
of the ocean,

there is great beauty
in this world.

♪♪

And to fully embrace it,

you must throw caution to the
wind and follow your passion.

Unless your passion is to be
a social‐media influencer,

which I think we can all agree
we've quite had enough of those.

This Chilean king crab

in the coral reefs
of the Pacific Ocean

has found subtle and fascinating
ways to express itself.

[ Telephone line rings ]

Crab mom: Hey, sweetie.
Whatcha doin'?

Crab daughter:
[Breathlessly] Hi, Mom. Just
out for a run. What's up?

You remember how I was taking
that creative‐writing class?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Well, I started
writing a book.

That's great. I'm glad
you're trying something new.

Alright.
Gotta get back to this.

Can I read you a little?

Just something
I've been noodling on.

Uh, o‐okay.

[ Clears throat ]

"My once‐dormant passion

had finally been brought
roaring back to life,

and all because of the
tender touch of...Armando."

Whoa, whoa. Stop.
Armando our mailman?!

Oh, that's just coincidence.

"At first, it was just
innocent love notes.

But soon, I ached for
Armando to deliver...more."

I don't wanna hear this!

"I wondered ‐‐
could Armando's package

fit into my mail slot?"

Mom! This is all wrong!

You're right.
It's not graphic enough.

I'll call you back later with
the more X‐rated version.

[ Dial tone ]
Wait! No, no, no, no, no.

♪♪

Mirren: Spend enough time
in the depths of the ocean,

and you may eventually feel that
you are all alone in this world.

Spend five minutes
listening to a guy

talk about his podcast
where he rewatches every episode

of "NCIS: New Orleans,"

and you will wish you were
all alone in this world.

But the truth is,
we are not alone,

which is fortuitous, as life on
Earth can be full of obstacles.

We journey now
to the Alaskan tundra

to learn that,
in order to triumph

over the wild's many challenges,

the sharp‐tailed grouse must
rely on the power of teamwork.

[ Shuffling ]

Bird #1: Where is it?

Bird #2:
It's in here somewhere.

You're sure this is where
you last saw your phone?

Because if we flew home and
then all the way back here...

Yes. This is where I last
remember having it.

Well, should we try
calling it?

Cheryl, I‐I can't call it.
I‐I don't have my phone!

We'll call it
with my phone!

Let me guess. You didn't
set up "Find My iPhone."

[ Line ringing ]
I did. I‐I did.

I just forgot
the password!

[ Click ]

[ Glass shatters ]

You paid for
AppleCare, right?

♪♪

Mirren: In the wild,
similar species,

and temperaments,
cluster together,

both for protection

and occasionally to get a group
discount at the laser‐tag place.

Whether it be a pride of lions,
a parliament of owls...

or a crap‐ton of penguins,

animals know that it is vitally
important to find your own gang.

[ Upbeat music plays ]

Made monkey:
For as long as I can remember,

I always wanted
to be a made monkey.

[ Accordion playing ]

It was my big day,
the day I got all the bananas,

and everybody came out
to the railing to pay respect.

Vinnie Longtail, Tommy Bananas,
and Little Tom.

There was Johnny "Take Your
Daughter to Work" Carbucci,

and his daughter Claire.

Claire:
Hi! How ya doin'?

I saw Curious George,
Paranoid George,

Disinterested George,
Suspiciously Curious George...

Monkey: Hey.
What's ya PIN number?

I was a made monkey.
I could do anything.

And none of it
would have happened, kids,

if I didn't remember to floss.

[ Grunting ]

♪♪

♪♪

Announcer:
Yes, we're still doing this.

Time for another of our...

Wolf: Honestly,
I actually think it's easier

to pay attention
on Zoom meetings.

I like it.
I really, really like it.

And I'm off.

Announcer:
This has been...

♪♪

Mirren: Knowing one's strengths
and limitations

can be a helpful tool
for survival.

Life on this planet
is chaotic and unpredictable.

And the chacma baboon
of Botswana knows full well

it is impossible to predict when
a new challenge will sneak up

behind you.

Baboon: Hey, guys,
if I ask you something,

will you be real with me?

‐Oh, yeah, Roy.
‐Yeah, Roy, of course.

‐You can trust us.
‐Yeah. We'll keep it...real.

I'm serious, guys!
Did I sit in bubble gum?

Nathan: Turn around.
Let's see it!

No! Oh, no!

[ Friends laughing ]

It's not funny!
Did I?

[ Laughter ]

[ Breathes deeply ]

But, seriously,
you should see a doctor.

♪♪

Mirren: Let's move away
from that troubled baboon.

And not a moment too soon.

The image of whatever
the hell that was

is gonna stick with me
for a while.

The very survival of a species
depends upon

that most sought‐after
of all personalities ‐‐ a mate.

We move now
to the forests of Thailand

to discover that even
a noble great hornbill

can be affected
by the complications of romance.

♪♪

Bird: [Whimpering]
She loves me...

[ Sobbing ]

She loves me not...

[ Wailing ]

She loves me...

[ Chuckling softly ]

[ Moaning ]

[ Sobbing ]

She loves me not?!

[ Sobbing ]

Hey! Hey, buddy!
Relax!

You don't know
how she feels.

[Shakily]
She...loves me?

Sure. It's possible.

Although, and no offense,
but you do seem pretty needy.

[Sobbing]
She loves me not!

Look. I don't know!
You're asking me.

You're asking the tree.
You're a mess, man!

Have some self‐respect!
Damn!

[ Sighs heavily ]

Thank you, Jeff.
I needed that.

Don't mention it.
You're my friend.

[Shakily]
He...loves me?

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

We don't know each other
that well.

[Sobbing]
He loves me not!

Dude, get your [bleep]
together!

♪♪

Mirren: Our foray into the realm
of our animal friends

now draws to a close,

but join us next time

as we weave around
the bend of a river...

gaze up at a wondrous sky...

or just watch this guy
pull something out of his ear

and then seriously contemplate
eating it.

Oh, my God. Please, no. Cut away
before he actually eats it!

Thank you.

Yes, you never know
what you'll see...

when nature calls.

♪♪

[ Dance music thumping ]
Miles: Okay. That's it.

House party's over. My mom's
gonna be home any minute.

Hello? You two
need to leave. Now?

Kyle: Beat it, loser. Can't you
see we're busy over here?

I said...

PARTY OVER!

Kyle: Hey! We're going!

Get out of my house!
No, no, no!

This is my sister's room!

Leave!
[ Frogs screaming ]

I don't even know you!

We're in the same
homer‐o‐o‐o‐oom!

[ Splash ]