What/If (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - What History - full transcript

Oh, my God!

Good morning.

Good morning.

What you got there?

Oh, my God.

Todd and Angela look so cute.

Oh, I recognize her,
she was at our wedding.

Yeah, Christine.

Captain of the cheer squad.

Not to mention the genius
behind the '80s theme for our prom.

Who's the young James Spader?



It's Billy.

Christine's ex, total disaster.

I haven't seen him in forever.

It'll be fun to have your old crew here
for the weekend.

Including Maddie,

assuming you're planning to storm
the reunion as the Brat Pack.

I've gotta tell you something.

Maddie OD'd.

She's dead.

Uh...

Sean...

I'm so sorry.

That moment when she called,
you and I were so close to the edge,

I didn't know if we were gonna make it.



Now here we are, stronger for it.

So I'm not saying
I'd change everything, but...

- I just wish I'd known she needed my help.
- Sean.

This is not on you.

It's not your job to save everybody.

Yeah, maybe this is a terrible idea,

bringing these people into our house,

dragging me back
to what my life was like before you.

Or maybe it's exactly what you need.

I know I said we should live our lives
looking forward, but...

when something like this happens,

it's important to surround yourself
with friends and memories, and besides...

It won't just be them, I'll be there too.

Before you say anything, keep in mind

my brain feels like it was scraped off
the bottom of a shoe.

No doubt.

You were in rare form last night.

I just hope Lionel's a good nurse.

The best, but unfortunately,
he's off-duty...

while I was busy
terrorizing our relationship

with alcohol and self-loathing,

I totally forgot Lionel was heading
out of town on a realtor's retreat.

You two are okay though?

Until my next meltdown.

I don't think Lionel knew
what he was signing up for with me.

What are you up to while he's gone?

Moping around, feeling powerless

over our country's
dehumanizing immigration system

while trying not to toss my groceries.

You?

I'm going to do some shinrin-yoku
with some yogi pals.

Some what now?

Forest bathing.
Open invitation if you wanna join.

Is that yoganese for camping?
Because I don't do camping.

Well, before Lionel,
you didn't date guys either.

I'm telling you,
nothing heals like nature.

Woods, bugs.

Dehydrated food that tastes worse
when rehydrated...

Uh-uh.

I'll find some Bear Grylls to binge.

But you're sweet for checking in
on me though.

- Thanks anyway.
- You bet.

VC giant Gage Scott,
announcing a billion dollar lawsuit

against Montgomery Capital this morning,

and right now he joins us on the phone.

Mr. Scott, good morning.
What's your charge?

Tortious interference, Alex.
I'm glad you asked.

Anne Montgomery is a leech
that I will no longer feed.

Break that down for us.

Well, she violated
my contractually exclusive option

to fund what is poised
to be a massive biotech start-up,

Emigen Molecular Sequencing.

Well, biotech has never been
Montgomery's space.

Oh, exactly.

She had to convince my head of acquisition
to breach his NDA to procure it.

Now, I demand retribution

for the immeasurable harm done to myself

and to my pocketbook.

Hang on.

I'm in the middle of something here.

Don't forget the part about the girl.

I think we're having technical
difficulties. Can you hear me?

Wait.

I'm still here. Uh...

Let me just finish by saying

that while Emigen itself
is a bullish investment,

its CEO is a girl too green

to know what a history-making commodity
that she's stumbled onto.

Now, I hope this is a wake-up call
for Lisa Ruiz-Donovan.

Not all angel investors have halos.

So when you were at Anne's
apartment last night,

you're sure that no one
saw you take these pictures?

Uh... No one else was in Anne's study,

but that doesn't mean no one saw.

I mean, I'm not saying
you should join witness protection,

but none of what I'm seeing
matches any public records.

It's gonna take some Bond level decoding.

Thank you for doing this. The fact that
you're still willing to help even after...

You whipped your checkbook out at me?

Yeah, that was a low point
in our friendship.

I'm really sorry.

Well, if it helps
your pitch-black conscience,

you were right,
this definitely feels bigger than us.

These coordinates that were in the journal

match a Botswanan diamond mine,

owned by someone with the initials of LS,

purchased in March of '95.

And it just sold
to a private party last week.

Anne was still getting her MBA
at Cambridge in 1995.

Look.

LS everywhere.

What do you think it stands for?

Ladies serpent? Lingering stench?

Ah, Avery mentioned a rumor

about a private multinational investor
poaching Anne

from the Bank of London,
when she was an intern.

- Okay, I'll start there.
- So...

do you forgive me?

Hmm. Too soon.

But I may reconsider if you tell me

what drove you spy-swipe her ledger
in the first place.

Anne told me she trusts me.

"Trust is the most dangerous thing
you can give away."

Do you think she's setting you up?

Ugh. Him.

Go ahead, pick up.

Get out of here
while I still half hate you.

Hey, can I call you back?

What do you mean, we're being sued?

A billion dollars?

The NDA I signed
only covered contract agents.

Lisa wasn't exclusive to Gage Scott.

She courted half the VCs in town.

What the hell is going on?

I can't believe I fell for it.

Fell for what?

This whole thing is just propaganda

meant to aim a spotlight on Emigen,

create a public demand for it.

The lawsuit is bullshit?

Oh, the turtle almost passed you.

What does he get out of it?

Well, that's between the two of us.

You didn't have to drag Lisa
into the mud with you.

Oh, settle down, puppy.
Be a good little number two.

Well, in this case, she's the number two,

which makes you the number three.

Anne, if we're gonna do this,

I need you to treat me like an equal.

You said you trusted me.

Make me believe it.

Name your terms.

Stop making decisions about
Emigen without consulting with me.

Wait, you're seriously okay
with what they're doing here?

The result justifies the deed.

I'll release a statement to the media
in response to the lawsuit,

field the interview requests,
give them whatever they want.

By the time we're done...

everyone in the world will have heard
of Emigen and our discovery.

What happens next?

We leverage the limelight,

get an FDA panel to convene on a market
fast track as soon as possible.

How soon is that?

Well, the FDA is in session, so...

Will wonders never cease.

With Gage's connections, we could slide
onto their calendar as soon as next week.

Well, that's assuming
that Lisa follows through

with her part in the tactical plan.

Looking forward to it.

Oh, I think you lost her
to the dark side, Avery.

The section of the skull
that we've removed from Mr. Garcia's

decompressive craniectomy will be frozen
until the swelling in the brain goes down.

Dr. Harris...

- Step away from the patient, Dr. Evans.
- What the hell is this?

I need you to come with me, now.

That woman's a liar. Everybody knows it.

- Kara, tell her what she did.
- We have a recording.

- I don't...
- Kara, speak up.

Let's go, Dr. Evans.

This is bullshit!

Hi.

Hi.

- I thought you were going camping.
- Never said where.

My pals opted out of forest bathing
for a leather party in Marin County.

So much for communing with nature.

Well, sometimes it's just as essential
to commune with your fellow man.

In this case, you're the man.

I'm... huh?

Don't argue, just go with it.

Beats the hell out of bingeing Bear Grylls.
Though we both know you meant Queer Eye.

Move that for me?

- Why are we rearranging the furniture?
- We're not.

We're pitching a tent.

Which in my experience,
is at least twice as fun with a buddy.

So that's it?
Dr. Drama is out of your life for good?

Well, they're not letting him into
the building, if that's what you mean.

But the residents,
they praise him like a god,

so things won't exactly be easy
for me moving forward.

As hard as anyone tries to make it...

my money's still on you.

All I know is that I am not taking Todd

or this baby or you guys, or anybody else

who's sane or kind,
for granted ever again.

Thank you...

for sticking by my side, Lis...

and not judging me.

We all make mistakes.

Not everyone has what it takes
to get past them, let alone correct them.

- Ah, there it is.
- This is the last piece.

Thanks for pulling all this together
so fast, guys.

Come on,
you know the Wolverines are on it.

♪ 'Cause we are the wolves ♪

♪ The mighty, mighty wolves ♪

♪ We're in it to win it ♪

♪ We'll fight until we get it... ♪
Come on, Donovan.

♪ You say orange, we say black ♪

- ♪ Orange, black ♪
- ♪ Let's go pack ♪

So how much high school spirit
should I prepare myself for?

Christine will definitely remind you
that she was cheer captain,

and her fiancé Paul

is anybody's guess, considering she...

- dated Billy.
- Yeah.

No one's favorite short stop.

Who will definitely remind you
more than once per minute

that he is now this big time
commercial director.

Billy the disaster?

Todd posted about Maddie and Billy
reached out, fishing for an invite.

I didn't have the heart to say no.

People change, right?

Ten years is a long time.

Oh, who is this?

- Hi. Welcome. Come in.
- Hi. Oh, thank you.

Oh, hi.

Oh, my God, you guys.

- How awesome is this?
- Hey.

What's up?

And horrible, Sean.

I'm so completely devastated for you.

But let's not start on that note.

Lisa, how is it possible

you look more gorgeous
than your wedding day?

Uh, thank you.

And I'm guessing you're Paul.

Yes, everyone, this is my fiancé Paul.

- What's up, Paul?
- Don't stand there like a lunk, Paul.

Come in and meet everyone.

Still playing the lunk card, Tine.

Oh, this guy.

Some nice digs, Donovan.
Can't keep a good man down, eh?

Unless, of course, this pretty little
thing is the one on top.

Billy. Enchanté.

I learned French on the drive over.

Sean, why don't you give your friends
a tour and I'm gonna grab the appetizers.

Baby monitor.

Oh, Paul?

Paul...

Hey, Paul, what business are you in?

He's a petroleum engineer.

Hmm.

Gas, man, huh?

You know that I've been directing
national commercials

since before I graduated USC?

Oh, art imitating idiocy.

Hey, Paul, does Christine still whistle
through her nose when she...?

- Billy! Oh, my God.
- Hey!

Gross! Thank you.

Move it!

Where's your wife at this weekend, bro?

Oh, high school reunions get rowdy.

Why bring sand to the beach, you feel me?

Never again, thank you very much.

There you go.

You must be so relieved
you're not bartending anymore.

Actually, I liked it.

I'd go in every night, meet new people,
leave it all behind when the shift's over.

Yeah, but what about all the gawkers
bellying up

just to check out an ex ball player's
fall from grace?

- That's shady,
- Come on.

How'd you afford
this nice pile of grass, anyway?

- Lisa is killing it in biotech right now.
- Um-hmm.

Oh, yeah? What are you hawking?

Genetically tailored immunity maps.

Hook me up with your marketing team
if you strike gold,

'cause nothing sells like saving lives.

Speaking of, Sean and Todd are halfway
through their firefighter training.

And Angela is about to finish
her surgical residency.

Yeah.

No shit?

Kind of hard to believe
we all ended up where we ended up

based on where it all began.

Know what I think Maddie would want
if she were here right now?

I think she'd want us to be a part
of each other's lives more.

That...

and a time machine.

It just so happens I brought one.

You guys remember the video I shot
on prom night?

Um-mm.

- No.
- Mini Tape got stuck in the camcorder

I stole from AV back in '09.

No one's seen this sucker since.

Is this something we really wanna watch?

- I do.
- All right.

- Yeah.
- I wanna see what you looked like.

Wait.

Longest legal battle
in the history of this country, guess.

Mm.

The Myra Clark Gaines estate sale,

1834 to 1891.

Can't imagine it was worth the legal fees.

Considering Myra died
six years before it was settled,

I doubt she'd disagree with you.

What are you cloying toward?

What if I don't agree to settle
this little lawsuit of ours?

'Cause I could just drag this on and on.

I am well aware

that you would derive sincere pleasure
from irritating me...

- Hm. Um-hm.
- ...for life.

Might I suggest something
a little more mutually pleasurable?

I like the sound of that.

Before I disclose the details...

I need you to do...

one more...

microscopic little favor for me.

Like what?

Call in some of those favors you've been
doling out to your golf buddies

over the years.

Caplan, Hawks, Tillerman, Coy.

I want you to assemble them for me.

Those men are some
of my most valuable assets.

Why would I wanna share them with you?

Why would you wanna do anything? Hm?

Oh, I got plenty of money.

Plenty.

Such a sad little word...

for a man...

of your magnitude.

Hm.

Mood killer.

We have a deal.

I'll make the calls.

Well, the sooner you get started...

Maybe I do like camping.

This isn't camping. It's gramping.

'Cause I'm such a grandpa, right?

Toilet paper...

buck knife...

the disgusting dehydrated food...

What is this iron square thing?

For toast.

Gotta have toast.

It's nice to know there's someone
to call when the apocalypse strikes.

You feel better about zombies
than you do about bugs?

Zombie's aren't real.

Bugs are forever.

Ooh.

Prom night, AKA,
National Lose Your Virginity Night.

Oh, my God.

Ooh, look at these two passion ponies,
just raring to bust down the stables.

Ooh.

Do you think you can keep it in your pants
until prom's over, Romeo?

Oh, get that out of my face.

No, wait, seriously,
since we're channeling the '80s,

I have a Back to the Future
question for the couple right here.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Bro, I don't even know where I'm gonna be
in ten minutes, all right?

Can I stay in high school?
Is that an option?

With your grades,
it's more of a guarantee.

Yo, come on.

All right, Ang.

Um...

Sudan.

Doctors Without Borders.

- What?
- Whoo!

Better get that passport, Romeo.

Oh, baby, oh, honey.

Where do you think you'll be in ten years?

That is, if you can stop
looking at yourself in the mirror.

Probably wondering
why I ever dated you, you dumb lunk.

I know why we are dating.

Okay.

Ugh.

Oh, come on, don't fight it.

You know, you still want me.
No offense, Paul.

There she is.

Maddie Carter!

- All right!
- Oh, yes.

- Yes, work it.
- That's my girl.

- Sean Don.
- Get it, Mad.

Hey, I've got a Back to the Future
question for the golden couple.

Where do you guys see yourself
in ten years?

You more like Kurt and Goldie
or Sean and Madonna?

Uh, Donovan is an all-star pitcher

and I am his wife, slash manager.

I will be the brains behind the brawn.

Hey, I have brains.

I'm married to you, aren't I?

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Party bus is here. Let's do this, bitches.

♪ Hey, we are the wolves
The mighty, mighty wolves ♪

♪ We're in it to win it
We'll fight until we get it ♪

♪ We say orange, you say black ♪

♪ Orange, black, let's go pack! ♪

East Stockton prom 2009,

we about to get you ready.

Hey!
What the fuck's going on down there?

- Todd?
- Todd?

Your dad's en fuego.

Turn it off.

That would be dinner.

This would be awkward.

You know, the first portable tents were
the yurts and the tepees around 450 BC.

Bet you didn't know that, huh, Marcos.

Marcos, coming inside?

You okay?

Uh...

Marcos, have you eaten any chocolate
out of that baggie?

How many?

Four. Okay.

Don't panic.

- Why shouldn't I panic?
- 'Cause everything's fine.

Why wouldn't everything be fine?

That chocolate came from Daddy Duke.

Who's Daddy Duke?

Burning Man legend.

You just ate a quadruple dose
of psilocybin.

That definitely does not sound fine.

It's nothing crazy.
It's just magic mushrooms.

No!

Relax. It's organic.

You don't understand. I don't do drugs.

Am I gonna die?

If by "die," you mean go
on a hero's journey, then, yes.

Hang tight. I'm coming with you.

Stop.

What are you doing?

Give me your hand.

We're getting in the tent.

Chicken Hut asked me
to direct their next campaign.

That's nice.

That's awesome, Billy, yeah.

I got food poisoning there.

Lisa...

have you ever done TV?

Because you have a face for it.

I did a Skype interview
on TechTalk this morning.

Does that count?

What? Why didn't you say something?

Because I wanted today
to be about you and your friends,

something other than my job, for a change.

Damn, Sean, your girl's a baller.

Who's ready for some more wine?

- Angela?
- Um, half.

Shut the front door.

You two are pregnant again?

Yeah, 15 weeks.

Damn, it really is like high school
all over again.

Except this time, it makes sense, right?

- Right.
- Right, yeah.

That's incredible, isn't it?

Even though Maddie's not here,

it's like her memory
is bringing us all closer.

My wife's a lesbian.

- What?
- Yeah.

She left me for her Pilates instructor
last weekend.

You wanted closer.

Boom! There you go, we're close.

Hey. I'm gonna go smoke a joint.

- Uh, backyard?
- That way.

Damn, that's rough.

Well, I can't say I blame her.

What a lunk.

Is there more garlic bread?

Help yourself, Paul.

Mmm.

Why would anyone do this to themselves?

Some do it because their lives
need a jumpstart.

Others want a radical change
in perspective.

Daddy Duke wants to try to meet this...

tiger woman he keeps dreaming about.

By killing the ego,
you awaken into the mystical.

Keep humming if you're digging me.

It's like my head is full of bees.

Whoa!

You are so tiny right now.

Like an ant.

Wait.

That's it!

Look!

Look at what?

Out there.

Did you choose those chairs?

Is that your rug?

You work pro bono.

You can't afford that 75-inch TV.

Where is Marcos in this space?

Marcos is tiny in here...

because Marcos is tiny out there.

Quick, what's your most
Marcos-y possession?

Something that's a hundred percent you.

It's hard to explain.

You don't need to explain,
you just need to get it

and put it out there for everyone to see.

Start taking up some physical space

to relieve the pressure
on your psychic space.

Don't think about it. Just do it.

That's it?

It's an ant-sized statement.

Don't worry.

I think I know
how we can make it monumental.

Stay here while I run to my truck.

You're not leaving me here?

Never.

What's in the truck?

Paint.

All of Silicon Valley's abuzz
on this one,

talking about Gage Scott's
billion dollar lawsuit

over Anne Montgomery's investment,

Emigen Molecular Sequencing.

We have an exclusive Skype interview
to bring you right now.

Lisa Ruiz-Donovan,

she is the CEO
and lead scientist for the company

and joins us right now.

I'll let you take the floor from here.

Thanks for giving me the chance
to set the record straight.

Let me remind everyone that Gage Scott
has threatened more lawsuits

than any VC in town,

settled very few of those in his favor,

and litigated even fewer.

Mr. Scott had his chance to be a part of
Emigen's historic scientific breakthrough,

but threw it away.

Now that clinical trials have proven
that our discovery

will save millions and millions of lives,

he's doing whatever he can
to try to get his hands on it.

You've trained your little gremlin well.

She's serving her purpose.

That's for sure.

Got you your meeting.

When?

DC. End of day tomorrow.

I... trust that's not inconvenient.

On the contrary.

Now...

I believe we have
some unfinished business.

What's the matter?

You didn't actually expect me
to feel something?

Well, I suppose, uh...

there's not enough money
in the world for that, is there?

Just hurry.

Fuck you, Anne.

You know, whoever damaged you...

they sure as hell did a good job.

Jesus Christ.

The key is big, bold strokes.

Comprende, amigo?

More red.

- Looks pretty red.
- More.

No, you.

Whatever's tormenting you in here,
throw it up there,

to make space in here.

Bigger.

Bigger.

Bigger!

Whoo!

Marcos?

Marcos?

Marcos, let me in!

Marcos?

What happened?

It's my fault!

What? What is?

It's my fault. I did it!

- What? What did you do?
- I did it!

Shh...

It's okay. It's okay.

You're safe. I've got you.

Just breathe. You're safe. It's okay.

Shh...

In ten years, I will be

a rich-ass director.

Everyone will know my shit.

And I'll have a hot wife

and an even hotter side piece.

You know I'm just kidding, Christine.

As long as we're rich, I don't care.

You do you, I'll do me.

How about you do me and I'll do you?

Don't be such a perv, Billy.

That's like asking a dog
not to lick its balls.

Zoom in on this angelic, little face.

I love this face.

Not as much as I love you.

We're gonna be friends forever

and ever and ever.

Ooh, Angela is a little busy right now.

A little busy.

Get it.

Angela, get him.

Get him. Todd, ooh, Todd Archer.

Oh, fuck you.

Ooh, a threesome.

Todd?

Get your ass up here! Now!

Todd's busy, Mr. Archer.

Busy?

Fucking little pansy-ass fucker.

- Holy shit.
- Get the fuck out the way!

Dad! Don't! Just chill. Chill, please!

- Don't disrespect me!
- I'm not!

You disrespecting me in my house, boy?
Goddamn it!

Stop!

Sean, don't!

What the fuck?

Shit!

Sean, stop!

Stop, Sean!

Sean, stop! You're gonna kill him!

You ever touch Todd again,
I'll bash your fucking head in!

Okay, stop! Sean!

We're not allowed to talk about it.

Sean!

Sean!

Sean! Stop!

Please! Stop!

- Stop!
- Look at me!

- Stop!
- Look at me!

It's okay.

It's okay.

The things we didn't know
we didn't know, huh?

It was so strange,

seeing ourselves so young.

Kind of makes you wonder
if making plans even makes sense.

You do know our baby can hear you?

I'm just saying, like...

life seems to take you
where it wants to go.

If it didn't,
you'd be living at South Sudan

starting your second tour
in Doctors Without Borders.

And who's to say
you wouldn't still be with me?

Think you really would've wanted me there?

If you're asking if things changed
because I got pregnant...

of course they did.

But not because I felt trapped.
It was because...

for the first time in my life,
I had to ask myself what I really wanted.

And I wanted you.

Even if you had to do it all over again?

I would still choose you.

It's not something I'm proud of.

This thing inside of me.

Where does it come from?

I don't know.

When I see someone
I love being hurt, I just...

I see black.

Has it always been there?

It started when my brother was killed.

Maybe because I wasn't able to stop
what happened to him or...

maybe there's just something wrong
with how I'm put together.

I'll find someplace else to sleep tonight.

No.

I need to be close to you.

Ang... What's going on?

I... Did you...?
Did you pull the monitor out of the box?

I didn't take it out. Why would I...

Because it was in here, baby.
The monitor was in here.

- Why was it in here?
- I don't know.

- Are you okay?
- No, I...

I think I'm dreaming this...

What do you mean, dreaming?
Like sleepwalking?

Wake and bake?

I'm here for Lisa.

Bummer.

Hey, Lisa?

There's a hot witch
on the front porch looking for you.

Anne.

What are you doing here?

Well, you told me
to keep you out of the dark

where major shifts
with Emigen are concerned.

We're flying to DC today.

Wheels up in an hour.

You got us an FDA panel.

Well, I played my part.

But the real credit belongs to you.

Is there any chance that they'll postpone?

Tonight is Sean's ten-year reunion.

I can only assume you're joking.

This is a make-or-break opportunity
to realize your life's work.

She's right.

You have to go.

I don't wanna leave
unless you promise me you'll be okay.

I'm okay.

It's one night apart. This is big.

Soak it in.

I'll be waiting right here for you
when you get home.

- I love you.
- I love you. Go pack.

Sorry to have to rain on your parade.

Pretty sure the force at work here
isn't the weather.

When will you realize
the only force here is your wife?

And one to be reckoned with.

I can imagine how important
reliving the glory days

must be for a man such as yourself.

Have fun in Stockton...

and all those ghosts.