What/If (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - What Drama - full transcript

It's bad enough that you...

I'll get rid of it, I swear!

Baby, don't leave me, please!

No, I can't be alone!

You ruin everything for me.

Wait!

Anne? It's Foster.

Anne?

I know you're not to be disturbed.

And yet, here you are, disturbing.

Maddie Carter called.



Donovan brought her a check for 50K
signed by Avery Watkins.

Retrieve it.

Pay her cash.

I know this can't be
what you wanted for yourself, Maddie.

I'm prepared to give your life a purpose.

Who are you?

Why do you care what happens to me?

Let's just say I have
a vested interest, Madeline.

Wouldn't you like a fresh start?

Beginning with an all-expense-paid trip
to a five-star rehab?

You also get the chance to even the score

with the prom king
who left you in the dust.

Sean?

Hi, Castro.



I have something to show you.

What's this?

Last night at the restaurant, everyone got
back the money they loaned my company.

I said cash,

and you bring me a check
from your wife's company.

You cash this and it's done.

After tonight, my wife and I
never see you again.

Should feel like we won the lottery,
but instead...

Yeah.

I know.

Do you remember when we moved in here?

The dead mouse I found in the sink?

I remember your scream.

I thought we'd get evicted
before we'd even unpacked.

Everybody said
it would be hard living together,

but even that first day it felt like home.

Because I was here with you.

For me too, Lis.

It doesn't feel like home anymore.

It feels broken, like our wedding vase.

It's the same apartment it's always been.

I so want to believe that.

I do, but...

something doesn't unbreak
just because you want it to.

It takes work to put it back together.

Where were you all morning?
It's opening night.

It's also Saturday. I was at confession.

Again? What'd you do this time?

Slow roll a stop sign?

Just been in the mood lately.

Boo.

Ah!

What is all this?

This is...

theater!

For the house staging thing?

Yeah.

- Taking it a little overboard?
- Don't worry.

After tonight, you won't have to hear
about this staging ever again.

Except for when we obsessively
rehash my triumph, obviously.

You want us all to wear masks?

Not you, the audience.

Imagine, each potential buyer
rendered invisible.

The ultimate communion between audience...

and stage.

You like?

Seems like a lot of trouble
just to win an office bet.

It's not about a bet, it's about a house.

A house that was once home
to the same family for over 60 years

and died right alongside
its 93-year-old owner.

Tonight isn't just an open house,
it's a resurrection.

Oh, Angela and Todd confirmed.

So did Cassidy and her nerd herd.

Nothing from your sister and her husband.

I'll remind her.

Good. Those two give good couple.

The offers will come...

rolling in.

Hey.

- Hey, Ang.
- Thank you for seeing me.

I was happy you texted.
I've been meaning to call you.

How is...

everything?

Complicated.

I really need your help.

Still in the same boat?

Yes, and...

taking on water.

What is this?

DNA samples.

From a pregnant woman
and a potential father.

Oh.

- Angela...
- Please.

I can't run the risk
of taking that test anywhere else.

There'd be questions.

Am I allowed to ask if you're...

okay?

I'd go home
and my whole marriage feels like

this endless game of "Let's pretend
we're the same people we were

when we met in high school," only I'm not.

I don't expect you to get it.
You and Sean met at the exact right time,

and you have this perfect relationship.

People need to stop saying that.

Well, it's true.

Isn't it?

Sean had lunch
with his ex yesterday and...

tried to cover it up.

Maddie Carter?

Ugh. Yikes.

Not exactly the comforting response
I was fishing for.

Maddie is, was, and will always
continue to be one of those girls

who's in constant need of saving,
and Sean...

Can't resist a rescue.

And the two-two pitch.

- Hey, man.
- Hey.

You're late, probey.

Can I get a
"Oh, damn, I'm sorry, Lieutenant."

Shit. Cram session. I forgot.

Hell, yeah, cram session.

Huge exam barreling towards us,

entire future hanging in the balance,
and you forgot.

Well, my head's not really in the game.

Yeah, no kidding.

So, Maddie?

You gonna make me ask?

It's handled.

Do I wanna know how?

You really don't. Better we forget
the whole thing ever happened.

Line drive to center field.

Already forgotten.

We hitting the books or what?

I can't.
I'm working on something important.

All right, you do you, Picasso.

I guess I'll surprise Ang,
buy some baby books or something.

How's she doing with all that?

I don't know.

Something's up, but she won't talk to me.

Got any clue what it's about?

Gracie.

Shit, man. That, uh, makes sense.

Yeah.

Well, good pep talk.

Guess I'll catch you
at Lionel's house staging thing tonight.

Fuck.

Hey, at least you're not following it up

with an all-night butt-kiss session
at Station 51.

You did volunteer for that.

Yes, I did, because I'm trying
to kick ass at this Academy shit.

But you, it's like you're trying
to get your ass kicked out.

Do you even want this?

I'm all in, Archer.

Trust me, just...

starting tomorrow.

- Should we get down to business?
- Yes.

Our first priority is clinical trials.
Where are we on FDA approvals?

Ah, technical term, nowhere.

When did curing sick people
become a controversial goal?

I've actually worked on
a lot of these approval applications.

I'd be happy to offer some insight.

On the inner workings
of government bureaucracy

or your dubious sense
of professional loyalty?

Hello, Anne.

I am actually.
Yeah, we're both at the office.

Apparently, I'm yachting in Majorca.

I understand. We'll be right there.

Brace yourself.

We've been summoned.

I got a call from the bank's
fraud department this morning.

In the flurry of Emigen checks doled out

to your friends and family yesterday,

it appears that an unauthorized one

for $50,000 was cashed illegally.

By who?

Investigators are digging up
that information now,

but all signs point to an inside job.

Why would they come to you
and not me or Cassidy?

We're the executors on the account.

Because you are the prime suspect,
Mr. Watkins.

Your signature was on the check.

It's an obvious forgery.

And you must know that
or I very much doubt

I'd be included in this discussion.

If you're not responsible,
it behooves you to determine who is.

I prefer to handle the consequences
of this larceny out of public view.

It's my company.

I will handle it.

I should hope so.

Embezzlement says more
about a company's leader

than it does the thief.

People only take from you
as much as you allow.

You see? It's not so scary up here.

Well, yeah,
not if you're sitting down.

What?

I just can't believe
what a perfect match we are.

Has me wondering what kind of superpowers

all those rapidly dividing cells
might wield one day.

Um, yeah, I should get to rounds.

You just pulled an all-nighter. You must
be dying to go home and go to sleep.

Yeah, that big, empty home...

and that big, empty bed...

Ian.

Angela, I know you need time...

and I'm a patient man,

but I also know the guy

that you're sharing a bed with every night
has home court advantage.

Didn't you tell me Todd's got some kind
of overnight training shift tonight?

Yeah, but...

Then why don't you come over?

See how it feels to really
be together for the night.

Yeah, I've got this thing to do tonight
with friends.

Come over after. It's fine,
you don't have to spend the whole night.

Unless you want to.

Does that seem like an impossible ask?

Maybe, okay?

I'll take a maybe.

For now.

Okay.

I just don't think any of these people
would steal from us.

Is there any reason
why we're ignoring the obvious suspect?

He comes in with this bullshit story
about enlightenment,

and a couple days later, someone cashes
a check for $50,000 with his signature.

Not exactly a case for Scotland Yard.

I am not arguing.

What makes you so eager to trust him?

Hey, Lisa, sorry, this can't wait.

So speak.

I'd prefer to do this one-on-one.

- Cassidy, could you...?
- Just think about it.

We have an account name
for the stolen money.

Carolina Torres.

Does that mean anything to you?

It does.

Are you gonna tell me who it is?

I need to speak with Cassidy first.

- Don't you mean Anne?
- No...

Avery, and if you still want a job here,

you'll remember that it's me
who you work for, not her.

Repeat that name to anyone...

and you're fired.

My, you seem to be enjoying yourself.

Isn't that what money is for?

Hm. Foster informed me of your intention
to shirk your end of our bargain.

I did everything you asked.

It's not my fault Sean changed.

He's no longer the man
who abandoned you for a better life?

He's no longer a violent prevaricator?

Whatever that means.

Look, Sean's story hit a dead end.

Just like mine.

He's found himself a second chance.

I'm not gonna screw that up for him...

or myself.

What do you propose to do instead?

Whatever I want.

I'm rich.

You are many things, Madeline.

Rich isn't one of them.

Are you absolutely certain
this is the choice you want to make?

You know, for a smart lady,
you catch on real slow.

Well, then I'd like to return everything
you brought to the party

before parting ways.

Do you know what a vestigial organ is?

Don't know, don't give a shit.

It's a relic of evolution.

Take the appendix.

A useless organ with a nasty habit
of killing its host.

Luckily...

It can be excised without consequence.

When something lacks purpose...

There's no need to miss it when it's gone.

Tell me, Maddie.

Is there anyone
who will miss you when you're gone?

Or simply those like Sean
who will be relieved to see you go.

Get the hell away from me.

Goodbye, Madeline.

Hey.

- Didn't know you'd be home so early.
- Neither did I.

Fifty thousand dollars was stolen
from Emigen this morning.

Holy shit.

- By who?
- Cassidy's dead aunt.

The check was cashed
using her ID and bank account.

You think Cassidy was involved?
That's ridiculous.

I know that.

You know that.

I just can't let whoever's
trying to frame Cassidy know that.

Who wrote the check?

It came from Avery's checkbook,
but he didn't write it.

Anne did.

Is this the broken vase?

Not anymore.

Now it's a picture frame.

I was trying to show you
that nothing's ever really broken.

Here.

Pick one.

Hm.

These are all pictures
of who we used to be...

not who we are.

We should get going.

I told Marcos
we'd get there early to help set up.

Lisa, we have to talk about this.

No.

We have to go pretend
to be the perfect couple.

Your specialty.

Tonight, I don't want you all to think
of yourselves as actors,

but as exemplars of domestic perfection.

Imagine that this is your house,

your best life.

And as you play out your scenes,

our audiences will wander freely
from room to room,

these masks allowing them the...

illusion of invisibility,

the forbidden pleasures of voyeurism.

They will be your gods,

judging your every move, so...

don't fuck up.

- Questions?
- So you're copying Sleep No More.

Mm. No, honey, Sleep No More copied me.

Any good questions?

Yeah. Why is it Christmas in here?

So very glad you asked.

Each of your vignettes will play out
against a joyous celebratory setting.

Thanksgiving, wedding anniversary,

Fourth of July, new baby.

Tonight, together,

we make this house our very own
circle of life.

Everyone clear on the mission?

Yeah.

Fourth of July pool party,
your wardrobe awaits on set.

Multicultural Thanksgiving party,
you all look great.

Break legs!

Hey, why the face?

Did Mr. Wonderful confess?

No.

He didn't.

Ready for our night
of holy matrimony, wife?

Shades of what might have been, huh?

Aw, you know we only went on one date.

I knew you were gay
before the appetizers came out.

Why didn't you say something?

Mm.

Not my secret to tell.

Shall we?

Would you like cornbread?

Hey, can you hand me that gravy bowl
so I can pour the fake gravy

over these delicious fake potatoes?

This is my favorite part.

Uh...

The DNA sequencer uploaded your results.

Rip it off like a Band-Aid.

There's a 99.9% likelihood that the sample
you gave me came from the father.

Okay, thanks.

Oh, nothing like a dinner with friends

to make a house feel like a home.

If Lionel expected me to convincingly
shack up with your brother,

you'd think he'd have sprung
for some real champagne.

Stare bear, you better be checking out
these new stainless steel appliances.

Henry, oh, my God.

Jesus.

What is wrong?

Come with me.

Mm-hm.

More.

Lisa, I am the Ron to your Harry,

the Miranda to your Carrie.

What is it?

Maybe we should just table this until...

we're in the office.

I mean, look around. We're in an office.

We're always in an office.

Hence our long, fruitful,

some might say unhealthily
boundary-free partnership.

How bad could it be?

You're being framed
for stealing that check.

Fuck.

I knew it.

That piece of shit.

I don't think it's Avery.

Who else could it be?

Anne.

There has been a target on your back
since the day she bought in.

What have I ever done
besides idolize that woman?

It's not about you, it's about...

this company.

And there's just so much more
to the story that I can't tell you.

Not right now.

What am I supposed to do?

- Go to the office and pack up your desk.
- What?

I need Anne to believe her plan worked

long enough for us to figure out
exactly what her game is.

I need a job, preferably at the company
I just spent the last five years

giving my heart and soul to.

We're gonna figure this out together.

But right now, you have to trust me.

Yep, I trust you...

almost as much as I hate you.

Hey, Lisa. Any news?

Avery...

um...

I just fired Cassidy.

Damn. I'm sorry.

What did you offer Miss Carter?

A choice.

And?

She chose poorly.

That's unfortunate.

But not surprising.

I'm not foolish enough
to make my plans reliant

on a person of Maddie's predilections.

I meant unfortunate for her.

Sure.

She turned out to be more like my mother
than I had presumed.

I pledged loyalty to you, Anne.

But don't ask me to stand around
and watch you destroy people's lives.

Is that what you think I'm doing?

What would you call it?

I won't be held responsible
for other people's weakness.

Those who are incapable of evolution

are nothing more than slaves
to their nature.

I might sometimes wish I were wrong
about that,

but wishing doesn't make it so.

Even for me.

Can you believe it?

A wet bar in the living room
and a wine cellar in the basement.

This house is a party waiting to happen.

And the acoustics are so great,

we could rage all night
and the kids sleep right through it.

Woohoo!

You and Angela should buy this place.

Todd.

Have you been telling people?

Shit.

Sean's not people.

I told you I didn't want anyone knowing.

I haven't even decided
what I want to do yet.

I think you mean
what we want to do, right?

Why are two people in this marriage,
but only one is allowed to make decisions?

Because one of us has to be the adult.

The other still acts
like they're in high school.

Back when there was
no question in our minds

that having a baby could only prove
what we already know.

- That we were meant for the long haul?
- We... are not those kids anymore.

You got that damn straight.

Say what you want, but I'm just saying,

no one thinks to wonder whether Leia,

AKA, twin sister of the greatest Jedi
who ever lived, also has the force.

Sure, nothing sexist about that.

It's not about genetics,
it's about midichlorians.

- You did not just say that.
- If you would listen...

You, the dude applying sunscreen at night?

Excuse me if I appreciate verisimilitude.

Sophie, tell him.

Sophie, what are you doing?

Is that ganja?

Lionel said to live our best lives.

Yeah.

Gonna share?

Hey.

Tonight is turning
into the worst staged disaster

since Lincoln got shot.

At least no one's been killed.

Oh. Mm.

Give me time.

And get in bed.

Time to sex this bitch up.

I shouldn't have said
what I said down there.

It's not the same
as saying you didn't mean it.

Gracie would have been ten years old
last month.

Fourth grade.

Nah.

Through your genes, she would've been
halfway to college by now.

That day we came home from the hospital
to that crib we never got to use...

I may have been less than a year out of
high school, but that's the day I grew up.

That's also the day I promised myself

to spend the rest of my life
trying to take the pain out of your eyes.

Somewhere along the way I lost you.

No.

You didn't lose me, Todd.

I was just blinded by the pain.

I'll find my way back.

How do you know for sure?

Because...

we're going to have a baby together.

I'm gonna call the station,
let 'em know I can't do the shift tonight.

No.

You need to go.

From now on when we commit to something...

we do it.

No matter how big or small.

It's the boy.

Hello, Sean.

How's your evening?

Cassidy doesn't deserve this.

Oh, but Avery Watkins does?

Selective conscience
is no conscience at all, now, is it?

You can put a stop to all of this, Sean.

Not with petty theft
or primitive chest-thumping...

but self-sacrifice.

The question remains...

are you man enough now
to do what you should have done

the day you met Lisa?

Who was that?

Never mind, don't answer.

I guess this is just our life now.

It's hard to believe that...

barely a week ago,
things might not have been easy,

but we were happy.

I didn't think I'd ever
have to feel this way again.

Like I don't know where home is.

What if I told you
I might have a way to fix all this?

Sean...

without a time machine,
I would say you're sweet

for thinking you could, but...

I don't know if I believe it.

Come home with me.

- Let's talk.
- We've already...

done so much talking.

What I need to do is some thinking.

I'm not leaving you like this.

I don't need rescuing, Sean.

What I need is some space.

Please.

She has no idea
what you're capable of, does she?

I'm a different man now.

You'd really do anything for her, huh?

Yes.

Hi, honey.

I'm home.

What are you doing here?

It's a truth,

universally acknowledged that a single man

in possession of a good fortune

must be in want of a wife.

- I'm the wife.
- Thanks a lot, Lionel.

I'm gonna ignore that note
of disgruntlement in your voice.

Did he also make you wear the mask?

He mentioned
you'd been craving confession.

I thought we'd play.

Tell you a secret.

It's a good one.

Okay.

Bless me, Father...

- Whatever.
- How about we leave God out of it?

Have it your way.

So...

I'm 17...

alone in the locker room
with the backup quarterback,

shitty throwing arm.

- Humongous...
- Is this a confession or a porno?

Do I have to pick just one?

In that case, it's your turn.

I don't know.

You're feeling guilty about something.

Why not just say it?

Say you're right.

Say I once did something so bad

my life's one big guilt trip.

Why would I tell you?

Because...

tonight I'm officially no one.

Hey.

I can't. I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry.

You're not ready.

You wanna give them a real show?

Come.

I wanted to let you know we've traced
the misallocation of corporate funds

to its source
and taken care of the problem.

Interesting choice of phrasing.

As opposed to?

"My best friend is a criminal,
and I fired her."

You'll forgive me if I don't find that
cause for celebration.

Oh, pleased as I am
to see you exercising leadership,

I wouldn't waste a drop
off my favorite champagne on a thief.

I'm toasting what I think you'll agree

is a significant milestone

on Emigen's path towards success:

the FDA approved clinical trials.

Phase two can start immediately.

Oh, my God.

Where did you hear that?

Information finds me.

You should thank Avery.

You're lucky to have him.

I guess I should thank you first.

Whatever sordid twisted road
we took to get here...

we're here.

That much closer to saving lives.

Exitus actus probat.

Commonly misinterpreted as,

"The end justifies the means."

A more precise translation is,

"The result justifies...

the deeds."

I'm curious.

Now that you're on the brink

of greatness...

are there still limitations
to what you'd be willing

to sacrifice for your cause?

I can tell you that today's events
have definitely clarified my priorities

both with Emigen and Sean.

Good.

It's unhealthy to dwell on deeds done.

Women like us succeed because...

we focus on results.

Excellent advice, Anne.

To women like us.

You said that day we met
on the park bench,

you saw the man I wanted to be.

And I wanted to be him so badly...

I let you believe it.

But being that man...

the man that deserves a life with you
means telling you the truth.

Even if I'm not sure
you'll still love me once you hear it.

You see where Maddie went?

Maddie?

No.

- Get off me.
- Shut your eyes and enjoy it.

- Get off me.
- Get off her!

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Sean. Sean!

You touch her again, and I'll kill you!

Come on. Come on, Maddie.

- You okay? Huh?
- I'm fine.

You all right?

You coming back tomorrow night, man?

And the next?

Because that drunk slut will.

And I'll be waiting.

Get out of here, Maddie! Go!

So did she throw up on your shoes, or...?

Holy shit. Oh, shit.

I thought I could live with it,
but everything just...

fell apart...

after that night...

until I couldn't take it anymore.

And I was gonna turn myself in,
Lisa, I swear, but, um...

that was the day I met you.

And I guess I thought
I might somehow erase what I did...

if I could just love you enough.

But now everything's a mess again.

And I'm doing things I never thought
I would do to keep this secret from you.

Lisa, that Emigen check, I...

Lisa, where are you?

At the office.
We need to finish this thing with Cassidy.

I forgot my keys at the open house.

Could you go grab them for me?

Yeah. When will I see you?

Soon. I'm ready to talk, Sean.

I've made an important decision
about our future.

You afraid I'm gonna steal some furniture?

Are you enjoying this delightful
Julius Caesar reboot?

Et tu, Brute?

Julius Caesar was stabbed in the back
by his best friend.

I think that makes you Brutus.

I think that makes you a pretentious fuck.

You could try
being a little more grateful,

given that Anne's agreed not to prosecute.

And you can try not being a sniveling,

two-faced weasel,
happy to do Anne Montgomery's dirty work.

But we both know the truth.

You know, a little piece
of advice, weasel...

don't fuck with my best friend.

You and I must have
different definitions of best friend.

I try not to steal from mine.

You're not gonna make an excuse?

Try to justify what you've done?

I have to admit, I misjudged you.

I had you pegged as a loyalist.

Well, you can add character judgment
to your resume

under "things I suck at."

Not that you'll need to update your
resume. Your place here seems secure.

Well, you packed light.

Ian, I'm sorry.

I'm not staying.

And... I'm not coming back.

Come inside, Angela.

Just give me a chance to...

talk some sense into you.

- Talk some sense into me?
- What about...

our baby?

It's not our baby, Ian.

I'm sorry.

Lionel?

Hello?

Surprised?

What's going on?
Does Lionel know we're here?

I didn't think we needed
the broker's permission

to christen our new house,

but if you want to clear it with him
I can get dressed.

You...

you bought the house?

I got some good advice tonight.

Lisa, wait. Um...

You asked after that night at the winery
if there's anything I wasn't telling you.

There is something.

- Sean...
- I didn't know if I'd had the nerve

to say everything
I needed to say to your face.

This way I knew
there wouldn't be any question.

Press play.

Before I listen to this,
I have one question.

- Do you love me?
- More than I ever knew was possible.

Then I already know everything
I need to know.

It's not healthy to dwell on deeds done.

We need to stop trying to go back
to the people we were

and start moving forward.

Forget the past.

Forget...

...anyone that tries to divide us.

I've got the cleat.

You and me...

we're gonna crush it.