Welcome to Flatch (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Dinners, Dresses, and Dumps - full transcript

So Shrub and Beth
are all hot and heavy

and dating or whatever,
so I never see them anymore

because of how
they're always together.

But I'm cool.

I have my crew to hang with,
so I'm chill.

Like, that's good.

Is this the kind of bike tire
you're looking for?

No, Levi.

Does that looks like
a bike tire to you?

Yeah? Okay, you're gonna
have to step it up.

- Okay.
- All of you.



Understood?

Hey, Kelly. Hey.

Hey, remember, this Friday
is Big Stuff Friday

here at the dump,
where all week long,

you can drop your big stuff off
at the church,

and we'll throw it away
for you for free.

Want to know what's trash?
This.

Oh, well, hey, Kelly,

this goes in paper recycling.

Hey, any of your trash rats
need a tattoo or two?

I'm doing two-for-one
Tattoo Tuesdays.

It's like Taco Tuesday,

except with permanent ink
and zero tacos.

Also, if you get a tattoo
of a taco, you get half off.



It's all spelled out here
in the flyer.

Pretty good deal.
- Oh, hell, no.

Got to go.

Hey, Kelly,
let me know if you and Shrub

want to help out
on Friday night.

How the balls do I know
what Shrub wants to do, okay?

I'm not his secretary.

Whatever.

That girl's not right.

She's okay.

Puddle!

Beth's the bomb, dude.

She's, like--

she's, like, my dream girl

and my fantasy girl

just rolled into one.

Oh, that's her.

We're always texting.

So fun.

Also, she's literally

right here.

You gonna text me back?

Yes.

Um, s--

Sorry.

Um...

Oh.

You're fast at that.

So fast.

Kelly! Is that you?

Yeah. What do you want?

Just saying hello.

Welcome home, sweet pea.

"Sweet pea"?

I don't know
what's up with her.

She hasn't called me
"sweet pea"

since they gave her generic
Vicodin for her root canal.

So Jimmy is taking me out

on what will be

our eighth date tonight.

He's taking me to a pretty
fancy place in Pockton.

And I think that he is
officially gonna ask me

to be his girlfriend.

Up till now, things
have been pretty casual.

You know, no-strings-attached
kind of thing,

which I'm cool with it.

But, um, yeah,
sometimes it's good to know

exactly where you stand
in a relationship.

Check her out.
Oh!

Bingo.

This will definitely
seal the deal.

I mean, the dress.

No man can resist
the charms of the dress.

I actually--I wore this dress
on my fifth date with Joe.

He took me
to another fancy dinner.

Well, you know,

"all you can dip chocolate
fountain" kind of fancy.

And then he told me
he loved me for the first time.

He had chocolate
dripping down his chin.

It was so cute.

It was really cute...

And gross.

I like to come here
a couple times a week,

you know,
just, like, blow off steam.

You know, I-I love being
in a relationship.

I really do.
Like, it's amazing.

Um, but, you know,
it can be intense, you know,

just, like, always knowing
that, like, wherever you go,

there's, like, another human
that you're connected to.

It's, like--it's just intense,
you know?

That's why I think
it's, like, really good,

therapeutically, for each us
to sort of have our own...

- It's my turn.
- Space.

Okay.

Ah.

That's--it's really crazy
that that's, like,

the only metal pipe
around, huh?

Yeah.

Only a madman can believe that
she could ever be like before.

Don't argue with me...

Wait, did you hear that?

No, not that. That's my mom.

Did you hear that?
That laugh?

That's my dad.

He's here.
He's back.

So my mom and dad got together
when they were real young.

Like, I was real young, too.

Like, I was
"still in her belly" young,

so I was in my minuses.

And they settled down
for a while.

But Dad's a player.
He's, like, a Tiger King.

You can't keep him caged down
too long.

He has too much love,
if that makes sense.

I mean, look at him.
He's basically irresistible...

Like me.

Anyways, about a year ago,

he got his booty call
Jessie pregnant,

and he's, like, a good guy,

so he felt like he had to
move out and go stay with her,

and that's when Mom started
staying in bed, but...

I always knew he'd come back.

Dad, welcome home!

Hey, Kel.

Go, Dad! You're on fire!

Not right now, Kel.
I got to focus.

Oh, look out,
there's one of those

flying beetle things
behind you, Aldous.

No! Wait.

The other behind you,
you goofball.

- Oh! Nice shot, buddy, yeah.
- Oh!

Oh, man, we make
a great team, don't we?

Yeah.

It's so amazing Dad is back.

I'm, like, super exhausted,

but I think it's just the
adrenaline or whatever, so...

Kel, hey, hey, I hate
to ask again,

but can--you can just
do that later, right?

Yeah.

This level takes
a lot of concentration.

Oh, Jimmy and I had
a great date.

Lot of cheesy garlic bread...

Which was tough on the dress.

But, um, we didn't
really discuss, uh...

our dating situation,
which is cool.

But I did spend the night
at his house

for the first time.

I snuck out early this
morning, because news alert,

I got a lead
on a very big story.

They are finally filling
the pothole on Spurgeon Street.

Yeah, I'm gonna get there
early, get the exclusive.

But a little curveball--

uh, the zipper on the dress
is stuck.

Yeah, I can't get it down.

Um, I don't want
to cut myself out,

because, you know,
it's the dress.

Do you guys think you could,
um, just help me out?

Oh, yeah. No. Cool.

Documentaries.

Can't change
the course of history.

Let the baby gazelle get eaten.

Whatever.

Morning, Pop.
You want some cereal?

Hey, kiddo.
No, I got to fly.

I got a monster day
at the tree farm.

Hey, you know, let me know if
you ever want a hand at work,

'cause I'd be happy
to help out.

I mean, it is
a family business.

So, since we're family,

I'd sort of have to,
if you asked.

You got, like,
a travel mug/go mug

that I could take with me?

You can take that mug.
Just bring it back later, okay?

All right.

Speaking of later,

I was thinking about ordering
your favorite--

ribs from Otis'.

- Oh, yeah? Is that my favorite?
- Yes.

Remember? We used to have
ribs from Otis'.

And then you would put Cheetos
on the side of your plate,

and you'd be like, "Now, that's
a vegetable I can get behind."

That does sound like me.

Well, I have the whole menu
planned out,

just like the old days, okay?

Ribs from Otis', cheese puffs,

and a chocolate cake
for dessert.

- Sounds good.
- Okay, see you then.

Sure. Later, Kel.

So what do you think it is
about this particular pothole

that made it such a
lightning rod for town opinion?

It's big. It's big.
What else can you tell me?

- Nice dress!
- Oh, thank you.

Anyway, back to the pothole.
Can you give me--

Hey, are you running for
Queen of Flatch or something?

Oh, yeah, running for queen.
That's right, Len.

Oh, I love that dress.
What's the occasion?

She's running for queen.

Oh, fancy.

You know, you do bear
a slight resemblance

to a young Princess Margaret.

- Aw, thank you so much, June.
- Mm-hmm.

Um, if you two could excuse me,
I'm actually--

- Who's Princess Margaret?
- She's a British royal.

She smoked 50 cigarettes a day.

You don't smoke, do you?

- Me? No.
- Oh, good.

Then I'll vote for you, too.

No.
I'm not running for anything.

Can I get a picture with you
in that dress?

I am in the middle
of an interview.

Oh, it's okay with me.

Oh, great.

Yeah, sure,
just a quick one.

I don't want to be in it.

Hey, nice dress.

Take a picture, you perv.
It'll last longer.

Kelly.

This better be important.
Okay, what do you want?

I don't really have time
for you today, dude, okay?

I have a super-important family
dinner I'm putting together.

No. Yeah. No.

I just--I just need
to hang out here for a sec.

Wait, dude, did you trip
Len again?

No.
I'm hiding from Beth.

- Wow. I thought you loved her.
- I do.

From afar.

Mm.
- You don't understand.

She's always there,
every time I turn around.

Seriously, it's like,
Beth, Beth, Beth.

It's like a horror movie
without the cool murdering.

God.

Just texting, texting, texting.

38 messages.

And that's just since
I got here.

I told you that this
would end in misery.

Uh, it's not ending, no.
I just--I need a little break.

Okay, well, if you're hiding
from your girlfriend,

that's a really bad sign. Okay.

Yeah, you wouldn't understand
what you're talking about,

because you're not even mature
enough to be in a relationship.

Oh, my God. Stop.

Fine.

Okay, you can stay here.
Just stay out of my way.

And those are not for you.
Those are for my dad.

- Your dad?
- Yeah. He's back.

And we're having
family dinner tonight,

so you're on the street
as soon as he's home.

This is not gonna end well.

Like, she loves him and will
literally do anything for him.

But trust me,
he's just gonna walk in there,

eat all of those cheese puffs,

and then do something
to seriously bum her out,

like the Cheeto Bandito.

And, obviously, I'm aware that
that is a dated reference,

and we've all moved
beyond such a simple

and offensive stereotype.

But it's true.
He's gonna destroy her.

And then guess who has
to pick up the pieces

after Hurricane Bobby
blows through?

Moi truly.

And with this Beth situation,
I literally am about to bust.

My bandwidth is maxed
to the max.

52 messages.

53. Oh, my God.

Okay, what do you think?

Should I use the plastic forks
or the real ones?

I feel like the real ones are,
like, too formal, right?

You know, Kel, um, you know,
Bobby's pretty unpredictable.

I know.

I can see him
being happy with either.

I'm gonna put down both,
'cause--

I mean in life, you know?

I don't want you getting your
feelings hurt

if he doesn't show up.

I think I know
my own dad, Shrub.

Besides, you're one to talk
about relationships.

Look who's home. Dad.

Hi, Dad.

There she is--Kells Bells.

Hey, Shrub.
Looking good there, little man.

- Thank you, Uncle Bobby.
- Yeah.

All right.
This looks great, Kel.

Thank you.

You're cool if your mom and me
eat up in Casa del Tina, right?

- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.

Thanks, Kel.

Okay.

Oh, wait, Dad, you forgot
your vegetables!

The only thing I expect
out of you right now is,

"Hey, Kelly,
can I have some cheese puffs?"

Um, can I?

No, you can't.

Mandy.

Joe's definitely
not here, right?

Oh, yeah.
Coast is clear.

Oh, what are you working on?

Just, uh, practicing
some new tattoo designs,

in case I get any calls today.

I figured if I practice

on these festive
seasonal squashes,

I could use them as Christmas decorations.

- That's Rudolph.
- Oh, yeah.

No, I can--um, I sort of see
the red nose.

- Giuliani.
- Totally.

Very creative.

Can I ask you
to do me a huge favor?

I had a date with Jimmy,
and I just--I really need help

getting out of this dress.

See, the zipper got jammed,

and I have been stuck
in it all day.

Oh, look at you, Fancy Nancy.

Oh, wow.

I haven't seen that
in a while--

the dress.

What's the occasion?
Big Stuff Friday?

Big Stuff...

- She had a date with Jimmy.
- Mandy.

Ha ha.

Business is taking off.

You mind if I take an hour
or so to knock out a tat?

- Do I have a choice?
- Nope.

So things are going well
with Jimmy.

Yeah.

Did he give you
a chocolate fountain?

Not a metaphor.

- Oh, yeah, I know.
- Gross.

I would never use that
as a metaphor.

'Cause I wore the dress
when you took me

to the place
with the chocolate fountain.

Yeah. No.
That's was a fun night.

Yeah.

Well, I have a date...

with a broken dishwasher.

Big Stuff Friday's, like,
our busy time right now.

It's good to see you, though.

The dress still looks great.

- See you soon.
- See you.

Did you like the ribs?

Why is your coat on?

- I got to take off.
- Why?

There's still
chocolate cake, Dad.

Look, Kel, I respect you
too much

not to be straight with you,

but your mom and I are
like fire and fireworks.

We burn bright,
and then we explode.

That's why you can only
have fireworks once a year.

Who says?

I mean, I think there should be
a July 4th every month.

Doesn't work that way.

Oh, Kel,
you and I are so similar.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Can't be tied down, you know?

We're wildcards.

I get that, totally.

Sorry, kiddo.

Catch you around, K-Town.

Cheeto Bandito.

Mom!

Do you want your cake,
or can we eat it?

Leave me alone!

Yeah, I was totally
expecting this.

I think it's, like,
the first step

in them getting
back together, actually.

Sort of like a test run.

Like, everything
needs that, so...

Also, he loved the ribs,
so I nailed that.

All this equipment?

Our nuclear storage units.

Dad?

What do you want?

Okay.

I'm just here
to hang out with Shrub.

Why do you think he's here?

I geo-tracked him.

Plus, he butt-dialed me
three times.

And also his nan told me.

Plus, I can see him.
He's right there.

Hi, Shrub.

Oh, hey... Beth.

She found me.

I found him.

I sent you five emojis,

but you only sent four back.

Beth, can I talk to you
in the kitchen?

Sure.

So what is this,
like, girl talk?

- Yeah.
- Cool.

Want me to French
braid your hair?

- No.
- Okay.

Okay.

Look, B-Town,

I respect you too much
to not be straight up with you.

You and Shrub
are like a firework.

- Like the Katy Perry song?
- No.

Like, there can't be
Fourth of July every day.

Don't you get that?

Like, Shrub isn't into you.
He has his own life.

And you're just
an inconvenience.

You're, like,
a silly little girl,

and he's a Tiger King, okay?

You can't just cage him down.
Don't you get that?

I think so.

Beth...

you and I are so similar.

- We are?
- Yeah.

That's cool. Yeah.

We're wildcards, okay?

So I understand exactly
how you're feeling.

But you got to face the
facts and get your own life.

You can't count on him
for anything.

- I don't--
- No.

It's over, B-Town, okay?

I'm sorry, kid.

Well, um...

- thank you, Kelly.
- Mm-hmm.

It's so important
for us sisters

to be straight up
with each other.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, we're hugging.

That's enough.

You need to go now.

Well, it's done.

Wait. Wait, what?

No, Kel--Kelly, I-I-I didn't
want to break up with her.

I wanted to go on a break.

Dude, Beth's a goddess.
I'm not gonna--

Don't even start.

I mean, I lost my boo,

but I made a new BFF.

Mm, Kelly is so awesome.

That reminds me--
I should text her some emojis.

Um, do you have her number?

Another exercise bike?
Yep.

Goes over there
with the others.

Wow. Nice dress.

Looking good, girl.

I didn't know tonight
was formal.

Yeah, thank you. Thanks.

Cheryl,
are you here to help?

Yeah, um, Joe,
you and I are friends, right?

Yeah. Absolutely.

The kind of friends who will be
there for each other

no matter how bad it gets?

- Yeah, of course.
- Great.

I need you to follow me
behind this dumpster.

Get this zipper unstuck!

Okay. you got it.

Okay.

All right.

It's--it's stuck.

It's really stuck.

Okay. Okeydokey.

And a-one, two--

Oh.

It ripped.

Oh, gosh.

That's my queen.

- Oh, my--
- Hit the road, Len.

Come on.

Oh.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. No, I'm, uh--

I'm fine.

Gosh, it's supposed to be
my lucky dress.

I don't feel unlucky.

I'm sorry about your dress.
I know how much you loved it.

That's okay.

You know, sometimes you got
to get out of something old

to get into something new.

Or something new
with someone old.

- Do you mean me and you?
- I was joking. No, no, no.

- Me and Jimmy.
- Like wordplay.

- You and Jimmy?
- I'm terrible with wordplay.

God, you know me so well.

Huh?

- Okay, well...
- Yeah.

- Thank you for the coat.
- You got it.

- Nope, nope. Yep.
- Okay, here we go.

Thanks.
You're welcome.

I'll just leave that there.

Oh, yeah, Big Stuff Friday.

It's funny, I haven't seen
that dress in a while...

or held her like that.

I forgot how perfect
she fits in my arms...

in--in a platonic way,
of course.

Big Stuff Friday was great.

I got a grill...

and some new drapes.

Big Stuff Friday is the best.

I mean, you can seriously

sometimes snag
something awesome,

like an almost-working
refrigerator.

One time, we got an old
air hockey table, okay?

And we used frozen

hamburger patties as the puck.

Yes, and when it doesn't work,

it's even better,

'cause it's the best stuff

to smash!

That's my bike, you [bleep]!

Go! Go!

Dude, run!
Oh, God!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Oh, God.