Weeds (2005–2012): Season 8, Episode 2 - A Beam of Sunshine - full transcript

Previously on Weeds.

Gentlemen, I sell marijuana.

The profits are
almost instantaneous.

We can funnel it
wherever we need it.

I need messengers,
good-looking messengers.

You make one comment about
what you'd like to do to someone

if you had them
naked and tied up.

When Jill and I were
split up, I didn't get to

see Shayla and
Taylor all that much.

Mom!

Ah!



Is she alive? Yes.

However, she is in a coma...

If we see that the swelling has
come down, we'll bring her out.

We're working shit out. Yeah.

And we're full of emotion.

I'm not in college. I'm
in the Police Academy.

We're criminals.

It's the family business.
What the fuck are you doing?

I think I want to be a cop.

Hey, Mom, any idea
who shot you in the head?

I thought I'd feel
better, but I don't.

It has a cap in the kitchen.

That makes no sense.
A cap in the kitchen?

It's morel. M-O-R-E-L.
It's a mushroom.



I've seen that clue before.

A mushroom has
a cap in the kitchen.

Morel. Yes! That works.

I like crosswords.

By the way, welcome to room 343.

My old neighbor
wasn't here long. Died.

My old, old neighbor,
though, went home quick.

Full recovery,
balloons, lots of family.

You're the Post Road
shooting, aren't you?

Yes. Post Road shooting.
Yeah, that's me. Nancy. Hi.

Everyone in town
knows your story.

How much is enough?
That's what I want to know.

When they've killed off
your whole bloodline?

They...

After what they did to your
father out in the Nevada desert.

And your grandfather.
The incinerator in Sicily.

Hey, Mom.

Shane!

I'll go do the Pony Express?

Wait.

I'll go with you. Help me.

Let's do it!

So, we're Mafia?

Yeah, the cops
read "Mexican Mafia"

on your file and
it got reinterpreted

as Mafia-Mafia on the
Old Sandwich gossip circuit.

Aunt Jill works it in town,
parks in the handicapped spots.

Jill Corleone.

She does the Jersey accent.

It's kind of sad. I have
something I want to show you.

Is that from school?

Yeah.

Honey, I know I've
been pretty out of it,

but I've been so
impressed with your...

Like a train, how it
keeps going up a hill?

Chug-chug. "I think
I can, I think I can."

Perseverance? Fortitude?

Yes. Both.

Crap. At least I got "morel."

Mail call.

You got me the
Sudoku book. I love you!

Have a good one.

So, red lines are people who
want you dead for revenge.

Yellow lines are people who
would profit from your demise,

but for whom it's less personal.

As you can see, we're mostly
red. Guillermo, Cesar, Heylia.

Educated money
says it's Guillermo or...

Be nice.

Be nice? Son-assisted
therapy, I like it.

And how are we doing on
the stair test, young lady?

On my way there right now.

You get up those
stairs, I'll have you back

in your own bed
by tomorrow night,

or whoever else's bed
you want to end up in.

I'm gonna miss your mother very
much when she leaves here, Shane.

She's been a beam
of sunshine for all of us.

You're very lucky to have her.

Beam of sunshine?

That's me.

It's amazing what a
.22 caliber slug will do.

Burn that diagram. Promise me.

Mom, I'm...

I'm serious.

You avoid this topic every time I bring
it up. If you do come home tomorrow,

whoever did this...

might come back
and try to finish the job.

He won't.

How can you be so sure?

Shane, I know because I
know. He got what he came for,

and he regrets it.

You know who did it?

How could I know, sweetie?

Oh, God.

All right. I need to sit
down and stop talking.

You'll try again later.

Right.

Spider. Come on.

Spider doing
push-ups on a mirror.

Ding-dong! Ding-dong!
Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong!

Okay! Okay,
Taylor. I got it. I got it.

What's going on?

You have company.

Guess I'm gonna have to take
a rain check on that last part.

Not an issue.

Insulation.

Oh... No, I was hoping...

Daddy's here!

Hey, hey, hey! It's Uncle Scott,
Stevie, we talked about this.

What a nice surprise, Scott.

Andy, good to see you and
apparently it's good to see me.

Excuse me.

Hey, how was India?

Good, good. Three
weeks with dysentery

gives you plenty
of time to think.

You know, when the sky is gray,

it's just clouds,
not actual sky.

Then the clouds pass,
and you see that the

sky's still there
and it's still blue.

The clouds aren't hurting
the sky. They were temporary.

Wow. Okay.

Hey, I got something
for my girls.

Cookie dough flavor.

I thought those
were discontinued!

I stopped at three Whole Foods
on the way here from the airport.

Mmm!

Babe, you gotta try it.

Oh! Yum.

Finish it. No, it's yours.

Okay, okay, so, anyhow,
I am super jet lagged

and not too used
to wearing shoes,

so I'm gonna head to my hotel.

But I would be
so grateful, Jill,

if you could have
dinner with me.

There's a lot we need to talk
about. I'll see you guys later.

Daddy, I want to stay
at the hotel with you.

Kitten, I'm not going anywhere.

There's plenty of time for us to
talk about what's gonna happen.

Everything will be fine.
Come on. Walk me out.

Shit!

What shit?

He sees the blue
sky behind the clouds.

You should have dinner with him.

No. He wants things.

He wants to see his kids. He's
uncomfortable in shoes. Hear him out,

don't agree to anything,
eat, and then come home.

I do need to find out
which Whole Foods

he went to. I fucking
love these bars.

Pony Express.

Look at you, up out of
bed, making the rounds.

Staircase test.

You'll do it.

Pistachios.

And, don't know how you
drink it, but peach schnapps.

No.

I'd offer you some, Shane,
but peach schnapps is for girls.

Thanks for sparing
my masculinity.

That bad, huh?

It's Tuesday, isn't it?

Gettin' anything from the clown?

The infamous clown is here?

Yeah, I know, he's a
rip-off, but I can't do

morphine. It makes
me sick to my stomach

and these make me giggle.

Pony Express, can you do it?

It's on us.

Thank you.

All right. Quick, quick.

It's the last room at
the end of the hallway.

Got to get there fast
before he sells out.

No checks. Cash only.

This ain't fair.

Anyone with tumors
should get first dibs.

Fuck you. I'm stage four breast.

End-stage leukemia and
already recommended for hospice,

so suck my dick,
pal. Wait your turn.

Three please. Lemon,
lime and cherry.

Yeah. Those are twenties.
That's a huge mark-up.

They should call him
Gouge-y the Clown. Douche.

Come on, man, I'm in pain here.

There's a reason
they call it medicinal.

You okay?

That guy.

Yeah.

Was I like that? A douche?

A gouge-y clown douche?

At least your
customers weren't sick.

Sickness is relative.

I think I was a bad person.

I don't want to be
like that anymore.

Okay. Good for you.

No, no. Good for all of us.

We're not gonna be like that
anymore. That was the before-Botwins.

Now, we're the after-Botwins.

Like those people on the
weight-loss ads. Before, unhappy.

Now, lovely and better-dressed

with our hair done
because we're,

we're feeling good
about ourselves, right?

You notice how they're only
ever smiling in the "after" photos?

The smiling makes
a big difference.

Let me see you smile, honey.

Come on. Really?

Mom, this is dumb.

Go on back in there.
Don't lose your place in line.

Get the lollipops
so Greta will giggle.

I'm tired. I'm gonna
go back in bed.

Yeah, keep 'em coming.

We got this boring-ass shareholder
thing we got to do tomorrow.

Kiku said we need
to get your credit card.

For what? She's charging us?

We're the investors.
Window. We made that bitch.

Sorry. Kiku said.

What bullshit! Company card.

Did you get a chance to
take a look at our proposal?

Remind me again.

Okay, so each trikini
comes with its own scarf...

That can be tied
six different ways.

Sarong.

Sash.

Headband.

Kerchief.

Capelet.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Show me that one again.

Capelet. Mini-cape.

How much do you need?

You're moving.

Is that a safe word I heard?

No. Just one
thing and I'll stop.

Two. First, I prefer
your hair dark.

Why can't you dye
it again? Second,

you need to talk to
your uncles. They come

to the loft and take
from the supply.

And Whit, is he
even related to you?

Am I here to talk
about business?

No, I am not here to
talk about business.

When is your mother coming back?

I need her help. I'm about to
run out of supply, and I can't...

Ah.

You done?

I'm not sure.

Do you think you can stay quiet?

Probably not.

Hello?

Sure. When do you need it?

I can be there in two hours.

Bye, Mom.

Obstacle course again.

He said 85%, right?

Sorry?

In class. Sergeant Salzberg said

85% of all male juvenile offenders
come from fatherless homes?

Not too surprising, right? Your
father dies. You go off the rails.

You punish everybody
any way you can.

You've given this some thought.

Dead father, psych
major, expert on the topic.

But you're not off the rails.

You're here and I'm here. And
we're both in the Dead Daddy Club.

Well, look at that,
kindred spirits.

Mawo sleeper cells of
rage waiting to explode

and this is our
way to get the guns.

You're dark.

You talking shit about
my skin tone, now?

No. I didn't, that was just...

I'm fucking with you. Come on,
let's do this stupid obstacle course.

We should have made sugar.
Everyone likes sugar cookies.

I was thinking
15, 18 bucks each.

Maybe 20, I steeped
the butter for a

long time in my
strongest strain.

No one's gonna need
more than a bite to feel it.

We're not taking
any money for them.

Huh?

It's not right to profit
from pain, honey.

We're not that kind of people.

My mother worked in gift wrap

at the Hudson's on
Woodward, downtown Detroit.

All outo be wrapped the
Hudson's way. Perfect.

Christmas morning, all
apart. She actually cried.

Honey, you're W That was the
past.e-Silas. That was the prologue.

Come here.

Smile.

Here, help me wrap. I'll
teach you Was she nice? son

My mother? No.

Whoa!

Hey, you clean up nice.

Are those Nancy's
shoes and dress?

If she's gonna be home soon
I gotta wear it while I still can.

I look okay?

More than okay. Why
so, you know, fancy?

It's called shoving
it in his face.

I didn't wither on
the vine. I'm thriving.

Good logic. Smart. Might gain
you some leverage with the custody.

Cross your legs a lot
during dinner, slowly,

and dangle the shoe off your
foot. No, that might be too much.

Is he taking you somewhere good?

Chinese. I'm going to have
everything on the menu.

I will order extra and bring
some home. What do you want?

Sesame noodles. Oh, yes.

Good call on the noodles.
Those'll be great tomorrow.

Hmm.

I won't be late.

Okay. Remember,
agree to nothing,

just hear the man
out, be kind and

respectful, and
think of the kids.

And cross your
legs a lot. Good luck.

You're out of your league. Way
the fuck out of your league. Back off!

When will they be satisfied?

Animals.

I always thought we'd stick around
long enough to see the foilage.

It's not "foilage."
It's foliage.

What are you girls doing?

Packing up. Going home.

Home? Why?

Because they're
getting back together.

This is what happens.
He gets control-freaky

and she gets pissed
off and leaves.

We live somewhere
else for a while.

It was Sausalito last time.

She finds a distraction.

Rick.

Rick with the houseboat.
Dad gives her some time.

A couple months.
Then they have dinner.

He apologizes. She remembers
what she likes about him.

He's stable. He's a
good breadwinner.

He talks about all the work
he's going to do on the house.

She got her painting
studio out of it last time.

She sits us down and
tells us we're going home.

Did she say that? She
said you were going home?

Not yet. She will. We're
getting a jump start.

Okay. This is not
gonna happen at all.

That's just... Just
need to make a call.

I'll call.

Hi, it's Jill. Leave a message.

It's probably in her
bag. She can't hear it

if it's in her bag
'cause it's zipped up.

It's muffled under the...

Oh.

Ooh.

Ahh.

So sorry to interrupt.
Looks super-erotic.

Smells like onions.

Oh.

Uh.

I don't think we've met?

Post Road shooting?
Maybe you've heard of me?

My family? Cosa Nostra.

I heard things.

Maybe you should
enlighten drug-pusher

Bozo here about
who he's threatening.

I need to get back to work.

Now that we're
alone, I'll speak frankly.

I come from a long
line of people who can

make other people
disappear, as if by magic.

I didn't know. No, you didn't.

And here I am, trying
to live a better life

and do the right thing and you
bring all this negative shit into it.

I don't want any negative shit.

I've had way too
much of it already.

Here's what's gonna
happen. From now on,

people in pain, they don't pay.

Hospital workers, nurses, I don't
care, gouge 'em. But the patients,

they're your charity.
Price of business.

I'm leaving here tomorrow,

but I'll be back in a week to
check on you, so don't fuck around

to see what you can
get away with, okay?

Yeah, okay.

You got a second chance to
be a better person. Use it, okay?

I just want another. Yeah.

Hello? Uno mas? Ichi? Por favor?

I'm just gonna read it.

"Jill, I come to you today
a clean slate, tabula rasa.

"Empty, but for one
desire, to start fresh.

"I hold no ill-will
for the choices

"you made, no
grudges, no anger."

So good.

"We walked our paths... Mmm-hmm.

"sometimes difficult
and hazardous.

"And those paths led us here."

Oh. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

No problem.

Ah. Okay, go ahead.

"I want you to know,
I regret who I once

"was and what I allowed
our lives to become.

"I was a..."

Fuck-head.

A fuck-head, yes.

"I'm here today to
ask you to release your

"assumptions from
the past and choose,

"instead, to be like the cells of all
continually regenerating living beings

"who cannot but
exist inside change.

"Unfolding, unfolding.

"Jill, I'm not here to reclaim our
old lives, but to redefine them.

"To toss out the calcified remains of
the past and embrace our vital energy.

"Yours, mine. For our sakes,
for our beautiful family's sake."

You have my vow
that I will no longer

attempt to control,
lessen, or diminish

who you are, or what you'll
be, but to embrace it entire.

This word is my troth.

Your what?

Troth. T-R-O-T-H?

Why did you come here?

I'm not a distraction.

I'm not Rick with the houseboat.

You're jealous?

No.

Yeah. You can't
go. The girls can't go.

Oh! Nobody can go.

This isn't just fucking.
This is something else.

Sounds like fucking to me.

WOMAN 2: This
is the ladies' room.

I no longer choose
to embrace all

that you are, Jill, or will be.

You no longer have
my fucking troth!

People don't
change. It's bullshit!

Six months in India
down the fucking Ganges.

Bye-bye, Nancy.

Oh. Oh, goodbye. Good luck.

Oh, stop. Stop, stop. Sweetie,

say thank you to the
clown. He's the one

who made you all
the balloon animals.

Thank you, Mr. Clown.

Good boy. Okay, see you later.

Bye. Good luck.