Weeds (2005–2012): Season 7, Episode 1 - Bags - full transcript

Previously on "Weeds"...

So done with this country.

We need to go far, far away.

Look, I'm going to Copenhagen
with or without you.

Oh, my sister Nancy.

What a big fucking surprise.

Agent Lipschitz,
my client is a very busy man.

Your wife, Mr. Reyes --

Do ask her to call
when you speak to her next.

I'll let her know.

And unless I get my son,



it'll be turned over
to the police.

And your son will be arrested
for murder.

Are you sure
you want to do that?

'Cause, once upon a time,
I knew a lot.

Ow!

Dead hoes tell no tales.

Take her into the bathroom.
Clean her up.

Andy?
Yeah, yeah, shut up.

It's plan "C."

Nancy!

Did you do
what I asked you to do?

Yeah....But --
Where's the baby?

He's right over there.

Uh, I'm gonna change the baby.
You guys go ahead.



She's not coming, is she?

No, she's not.

Silas, get on the plane.

So, the police won't know
anything about Shane?

You are
a devoted mother, aren't you?

You'll say nice things
about me to Stevie?

I'll tell him his mother
loved him very much.

She was willing to sacrifice
everything for him,

and it won't save you.

What will?

Nothing.

Except plan "C."

What's that?

Hands up!
Hands up! FBI!

I killed Pilar Zuazo.
Please, arrest me.

Could you please,
for the record,

state your name?

Nancy Botwin --
B-O-T-W-I-N --

number 81426-370.

Ms. Botwin, we have called
this hearing today

to determine whether or not
you should be released early.

Wait.

I'm seeing she's only served

three years of this sentence.

I'm sorry,
Ms. Botwin,

you are not yet eligible
for parole.

Right, but --
Dan, she's eligible.

She's not even halfway through.

We've been asked to rule on her case now.
Who asked?

Well, why did they
tell you and not me?

You know, you're not
higher-ranking, Marci.

Maybe I'm easier to talk to.

Maybe you're just easier.

Could you two stop?
Sorry, Ms. Botwin.

Yes. Nancy Botwin,
81426--

Ms. Botwin,
after careful consideration --

Careful consideration?
This is bullshit.

You want to throw a tantrum
in front of an inmate, Dan,

that's fine --
go to town...baby.

So I'm a baby for not
wanting to set a killer free

after three years?

Uh, i-it was
manslaughter...actually.

It was an accident -- self-defense.
Sure.

Ms. Botwin, you are to be
released to a halfway house,

where you will serve out
the rest of your sentence

or until you have proven
yourself rehabilitated,

whichever comes first.

Effective immediately.

Wait, no.
A halfway house?

I'm supposed to go
into witness relocation.

No. I have nothing here
about witness relocation.

Then there's a mistake.

Where's agent Lipschitz?

Agent Lipschitz?

FBI agent Lipschitz?

Maybe he's somewhere
trying to change his name.

You're one to talk, Babcock.

Better
than "Lipschitz."

We're done here.

This hearing is adjourned.
Return the inmate to her cell.

Wait.

Well, I-I'm not
going anywhere

until you can guarantee
my protection.

This is bullshit. I have a deal!

I don't know
what just happened.

What is it?

They're releasing me.

How?

I don't know,
but it's happening.

They're sending me
to a fucking halfway house.

Esteban's gonna
have me murdered.

No protection, no answers --
nothing.

Uh...

Calm down. Relax.
There must be a mistake.

No, there's no mistake.
They're fucking me over.

Fucking feds!

You know, they did
the exact same thing

to Daria in block "C."

Three days she's out
before someone finds her

and shoots her up the ass
and then in the eye.

Not helping, Zoya.
Shit. Sorry.

The ass and the eye?

What am I supposed to do?!

Look at me.
I can't! I'm totally losing my shit here!

Oh, me too.

All right!

All right!

That's enough.
You ready or what?

Shut up.
You shut up!

You want trouble?

No, no, she doesn't.
Please.

I'm coming.

Goodbye, Zoychka.

Goodbye.

Wait, Nancy.

I've been saving these
for myself.

I want you to have them.

Make a plan for yourself...
For both of us.

Who knows?

Maybe she'll get sprung
soon, too,

and you'll see each other
on the outside.

She tied her ex-boyfriend
to the bed,

soaked him in kerosene,
and then set him on fire.

Yeah, maybe not so soon.

You think you're
so fucking handsome

you can walk around
ignoring everyone else's needs!

Yeah, well, I have needs!
I want a baby!

I thought I was your baby.
Oh, that is not cute.

You're not a baby.
You're a man.

You're a cruel man
who won't commit!

Not my laptop!

Jesus, Renata!

Nice save.

This is 'cause of your sister,
isn't it?

You have to live
your own life, Renata.

This has nothing
to do with Stina

and her stupid, smug baby!

This is about us!

Well, I can't handle
this version of "us."

Bastard!
You're a bastard!

Can we not do this now?

We have a show in half an hour.

Oh, no more show for you,
bastard!

You're out of the show!

And you will never puppeteer
in Copenhagen again --

this I swear.

Okay.

Sweetie, I know
you don't mean that.

I'm gonna go now
and try to fix the naked king,

and maybe we can talk later.

Deep breaths.

Go home, Silas.

No, come on.
It's fine.

Just, uh,
slap on a little more base.

Go home. There will not be
any good photos today.

You got a zit the size
of Iceland on your chin.

Can't Sigrid teabag me
a little bit more?

She's really good at it.

Be back tomorrow at 9:00,
and know that today

is getting out of your check,
my friend.

Oh!
Come on, Gunder.

I've doubled the sales
of your weird flower water.

And for that only, I thank you.

Gunder. Gunder.

Hey, Gunder!
Come on!

Gunder?

Ah.

Everyone get a wienerbrod
and a shirt, yes? Terrific.

We are standing
in Fristaden Christiania,

or the Free State
of Christiania,

the world-famous Pusher Street,

which is -- was -- world-famous
for its open cannabis trade.

Brightly colored stands
used to line the street here,

where all manner of "soft drugs"
were available for sale.

In 2004, the government decided
to crack down on the drug trade

and razed all the stands
but for one,

which is now
in the National Museum.

As you can see, this action
was completely successful,

because there are
no longer drug stands.

There are only tables
up and down the street

from which drugs are sold.

If you chose to support
the local soft-drug trade,

might I recommend buying from my
friend Thorben, third table down?

He has some lovely product.

You can tell him wonderful,
wonderful tours sent you,

or just show him your shirt.

Uh, one of the other ways
Christiania makes money

is from the fabulous
Christiania cargo bikes.

The factory's right over there.
Order one.

Have it shipped home.
You'll love it.

Now, feel free
to walk around this main area,

but do not go up
any side streets,

do not take any photos,

or someone will yell at you
or hit you or both.

Uh, we'll be heading over
to "The Little Mermaid"

in 15 minutes,
so 15 minutes, right back here.

Have fun. Don't forget to,
uh, stay hydrated.

Drink, drink, drink.

Wienerbrod?

No luck with, uh,
Carol from Cleveland?

Ugh. Too needy.

Why don't you stop
with the tourists,

start going after
Danish chicks?

Tourists are on vacation.

Everyone's up for banging
tall strangers on vacation.

They're easy pickings.

No, no. Time to
put down roots, man.

Look at me --
I'm a local character.

People point me out.
God morgen!

'Cause I got
a Copenhagen wheel,

and they say, "Hey,
there's fun bike Andy."

Oh, "Bike Andy."

I thought they were saying
"bi Andy."

What? That's not
an outrageous assumption.

I mean, you do shave your legs.

Wow.

Maybe they are saying
"bi Andy."

I hope this doesn't
impact my campaign.

Who gives a shit?

You're running to be a leader
of a group of smelly hippies.

If anything, it'll help.

Christiania is
an independent country, Doug.

I would run a country.

Yeah. Yeah.

I would like to run a country.

Then again, they're all
a bunch of anarchists,

so they'll never listen
to anything I say anyway.

I'm sorry,
what were you saying?

Hi.

Um, Nancy Botwin?

You have a visitor.

He's waiting for you
in Ed's office --

through the door,
down the hall.

Lipschitz.

We had a deal.

Deal's off.

Fuck you,
"the deal's off."

You promised me
witness protection.

It's no longer necessary.

W-why?

They found Esteban's body
in a corner of the prison yard.

When?

A week ago.
You're safe now.

I'm sorry for your loss.

What about all my testimony,
all the things I told you?

They were very helpful.

The Zuazo case is closed.

The Reyes cartel has disbanded.

Maybe some justice was served.
Probably not.

The world keeps turning.

So, why am I here?

The FBI doesn't
give a shit about you,

but, hey, you made my career.

So this is the best I could do.

You can serve out the rest
of your sentence here.

Or would you rather
go back to prison?

Oh, no.
I'm okay.

My stuff!

God!

Thank you.
You're welcome.

So, what do we do now?

I have some papers
for you to sign.

Always paperwork with you guys.

Well, this is the last of it.

In mere seconds,
all connections,

ties, deals, et cetera,

between you and the
Federal Bureau of Investigation

will be officially terminated.

And, uh, unofficially?

Our dance is done,
Ms. Botwin.

Aw. I'm almost feeling
wistful about that.

Signature, please.

You're on your own now.

Good luck with
the rest of your life.

Try to stay out of trouble.

Oh.

She's all yours.

Hi, Nancy.
So nice to meet you.

I'm counselor Ed.

Why don't I show you around,
give you the 5-cent tour?

Nothing less, nothing more.

We can, and will, perform
supervised random drug tests

at any time.

If you have taken drugs,
we won't have missed them,

and back you will go
into the system.

You're quite the poet.

Well, it helps people remember.

Remember, personal items
must be stored away out of sight

and are subject to search
at any time.

I also have to mention that we have
our share of theft around here,

although our policy
is zero tolerance.

If you jack, you will go back.

Would you like me to lock
your jewelry up in the office?

Yes, please.
Wise choice.

Better under lock and key
than subject to random thievery.

The refrigerator is locked.

You are allowed
to bring in outside food,

but dry goods only.

Over here is our dining room.

You drop a crumb,
you grab the broom.

Did I miss lunch?

You did. Dinner will be
in 2 1/2 hours.

I think tonight
is spaghetti night.

Oh, no, no.
Fish cutlets.

Come here.

I have low blood sugar.

Is there any way I could
just run out and just --

You don't have low blood sugar.

I-I do.

I haven't eaten
since breakfast.

You have
the freebie-jeebies.

You just got out of prison
and you think you're free,

so you want to get out,
hit the streets,

smell some fresh air,
buy a coffee,

and flirt with a stranger.

You can't fool me.

I didn't just fall off
the turnip truck.

You learn to trust,
then you adjust.

Oh, what's wrong?

Migraine.

You're okay.

No, Ed. No.
I'm really not...Okay.

I've spent the whole morning

moving from one prison
to another.

I'm hungry.
I'm tired.

I thought being released
would...

...give me some sense of,
uh, well, um...release.

Please forgive me if I'm sad.

Right now,
life feels really bad.

Nice.

Thank you.

They give you gate money
when you were processed out?

$100 and a bus ticket.

You got two hours.

Two hours for what?

To buy some food and feel free.

Then you get your ass back here

and join the ranks
of stability house.

Keep your nose clean
and show me

that you're on the road
to rehabilitation.

If you are one minute late,
I will call the police,

have you arrested,
and thrown back in jail.

You come in late,
you seal your fate.

10-4.

Nancy?

Did you get
computer privileges?

Where are you?

Manhattan.
Manhattan?

I'm living in, um,
a halfway house

in Washington Heights.

Please don't tell anyone yet.

I want to get myself
together first,

get settled,
get Stevie back with me.

C-can I see him?

Uh, he's watching his movie
with the girls.

It's his reward for spending
five nights in a row

sleeping in his own bed instead
of always coming into ours.

How, um --
how were you released?

You didn't even serve
half of your thing.

Good behavior.
Overcrowding.

I don't know, Jill.
Can -- can you get him?

I don't have
a whole lot of time.

We need to discuss this.

Scott and I -- Girls!
God damn it!

Annancy!

Hi.

How's my baby boy?

Come on, buddy.
You're missing the movie.

It's the good part.

Okay, you saw him.
You happy?

What did he call me?

"Annancy" --
"Aunt Nancy."

I show him your picture.

Uh, we got to go.

Talk to you later.

She's out?
Yep.

She's in a halfway house
in Washington Heights.

Maybe she'll date
a Puerto Rican kingpin next.

How is she?
What did she say?

She said, "Don't tell
anyone I'm out."

So you called us right away?

I don't take orders
from my sister.

Isn't it enough
I'm raising her child?

Can we say hi to Stevie?

Scott just took him out
for lunch with the girls.

I'm hosting a kegel workshop
here later.

I got to shave.
I have to make onion dip.

I got to go.
I'll talk to you guys later.

Bye.

Is Washington Heights
closer to JFK or Laguardia?

What are you doing over there

with the tap-tap
and the questions?

Mom's out.

What about Renata?

Aren't you still
her little puppet boy?

They're marionettes, asshole.

And Renata just wants me
for my sperm.

She sounds perfect.

Shane, you heard Jill.
She doesn't want us to know.

Now, why doesn't she
want us to know?

I've stopped
trying to figure out

how that woman thinks.

It's beyond
all normal comprehension.

It's hot, huh?

It's good.

You sweat good --
get all your crap out.

Wow.

You certainly must have
a high tolerance for heat.

I come from a very cold place.

This is warming 34 years
of cold in my bones.

Minnesota.

So, aren't you supposed to do,
like, hot/cold, hot/cold,

like in, then out...

Then back in again?

Are you trying
to get rid of me?

If you want to be naked,
be naked.

I don't care.
I used to look like that.

What are you doing?

Scavenger hunt.

Somebody left something
behind one of these rocks.

She's on a scavenger hunt.

Thank you, Zoya.

You're gonna put those
all back now, right?

There.

Good?

What?
You're going now?

A few hours.

What are you doing?

Going to New York to find mom.

And then what?
I don't know.

She went to jail for me.

Now she's out,
so I'm going to find her.

Mm.

You don't think I should come,
too, do you?

Do whatever you want.

'Cause New York's a big city.

I'll be fine.

She left me in charge
of you guys.

Plan "C," she said --

"Run, take care of my children,

somewhere cold
with great smoked fish."

But that was it.
She released us.

She never said,

"and then come back immediately
when I get out."

Was that an implied part of it?
God damn it, Nancy.

Be a man.
Make your own decision.

Huh.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Fuck it.

I'm not --
No, I'm not going.

I'm...

Oh, I got a campaign to run.

I'm gonna rule a nation.

Although Neils
did just pull ahead

by 20 points in the polling.

Fine. Then I'll throw out
this e-ticket.

You need me.

No, I just wanted to rack up
as many charges as I could

on the credit card
before Renata canceled it.

One for you, too, Doug.

I'm not left behind?

It's a middle seat.
Thanks a lot.

Would you guys shut up already?

I need sleep.
I got a shoot in the morning.

Forget your shoot.
We're going to America --

Land of hot sauce and
catastrophic wealth imbalance.

Go ahead,
give Silas his ticket.

I didn't get him one.

What? Why not?
He's fine here.

He has his flower water thing.

You're all going?

Um...I...

Yeah.
Shane needs me.

Okay.

Besides, you hate mom.

I do not hate mom.

Whatever you say.

Go. Pack.

I'll tell mom
you say "hi."

She's just gonna
fuck you up again.

No, she's not.
She's been rehabilitated.

♪ Who am I to feel so free? ♪

♪ who am I? ♪

♪ who am I to feel so free? ♪

♪ who am I? ♪

♪ who am I to feel so free? ♪

♪ who am I? ♪

♪ who am I ♪

♪ to feel so free? ♪

♪ Who, how, what, why? ♪

♪ I feel so free, I could never die ♪

♪ I could never die ♪

♪ I could never die ♪

♪ I could never die ♪

♪ ooh! Ow! Oh! ♪

♪ I feel so free,
I could never die ♪

♪ I feel so free,
I could never die ♪

♪ oh! ♪