Warehouse 13 (2009–2014): Season 1, Episode 12 - MacPherson - full transcript

Previously on
Warehouse 13...

So you know. It's MacPherson.
I'm right.

Yes, I'm afraid you are.

And he now has a sword which
renders him invisible.

Now it's up to you
to stop him.

You always hurt
the one you love.

Artie!

No! No, no!

Okay, just stop. Okay?
Stop and think this through.

Uh, guess what?
I'm still taking the artifact.

I can't let you
do that, Pete.



Turn around.

No, MacPherson is alive.
And he's loose somewhere in the world.

Stopping MacPherson is not your job.
My what?

Protecting the world
happens to be my job,

and right now, that is
being threatened

by an insane
ex-Warehouse agent

who is competing for artifacts
that belong right out there.

Mrs. Frederic said
that she would handle it.

I can do it.

Artie, he ran a sword
through your chest.

I'm all right.

You could have died.

Please, just let Mrs.
Frederic handle it, okay?

This... This is
your job, Artie,



and you're not doing it.

You have Pete, Myka and Claudia
spread out through the Warehouse

taking inventory
for you day after day.

Meanwhile, all of...
Yeah, all these things are piling up.

Yes, they are.
All right.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'm pretty hard to kill.

Pete?

Yeah Really
What's all this?

Pete?

Nice one.
Did not see that coming.

Hey.

Playing with
yourself again?

One game.
A quickie. We got time.

Besides, none of this stuff's
going anywhere. Right, buddy?

Okay, this stuff is
dangerous, all right?

All right.
This is Lewis Carroll's mirror.

Alice in Wonderland,
"Off with their heads."

That's chick lit right?
Chick lit.

Right.
I mean, come on,

not everything in
here is dangerous.

You got that cuddly, little
ferret from a cooking pot.

Yeah. He peed
in my shoes.

That was...
That was me.

That's funny.

So, what, are you
still mad at Artie?

No.

No. I'm not.
I'm not mad at Artie.

No, I'm mad at you.
No, you're not mad at me.

Yes, I am. You're not mad at me.
You're not mad at me,

because when you're mad at me,
your neck gets all longer

until you're like that.
It's like a giraffe or whatever.

And then when
you're mad at Artie,

your neck gets all
over here to the right.

Yes.
Just like that.

Look, I know the MacPherson-DC
thing is still bugging you, okay,

but everybody has a past.

But he
lied, Pete.

Artie's past is
treasonous, hazardous

and, hey, there's a crazy
man who wants us dead

and he wants the Warehouse
all for himself.

It would have been nice
knowing that going in, Pete.

Artie should have told
us about MacPherson.

Yes, yes, I get it.
Daddy issues.

Can't deal with the old man.
You're an...

Oh, my God, the mirror.
I got it! Watch out!

Oh, wait!
Look, big, shiny thing.

Pete!

Sick!

Let's...
That sounds like...

The Studio 54 disco ball.

God, I hate disco.

Okay.

Whoa!
Okay. Oh, God.

Myka, are you okay?

Hey!
What's going on?

Myka, are you okay?

What's going on? Huh?

Ask him.

You can't...
You can't...

This is just...

I know
you're feeling lost.

What?
Artie's past, MacPherson.

It can be a bit
disorienting. I know.

I feel pretty clear,
actually.

If things are
the way they are,

don't fight it,
just go with it.

Whenever I don't, I always end
up right back in the same place,

not a good one.

Thank you for the tea.
You're welcome.

Hi.
Hey.

I'm gonna do it. I'm doing it.
I'm doing it. Okay. Um...

They're excellent, yeah.
I don't know what... Ooh! Mmm!

So, today's... Where is he?
Pete? In the room, please.

You do something different
with your hair? Mmm-mmm.

Would you
help me with this bag?

I don't care about
your high score, dude.

Dude, take your meds.
I want a turn, bro.

I know.
I know. I know.

You saved at least?
I saved.

Thank you.
Focus. Focus.

What are you doing here?
Focusing.

No, no, no, no, no. You don't...
We're gonna... We... You...

All right, never mind. Fine.

Just try...
Try to pay attention.

Gary and Jillian Whitman,
take one each,

aka, more aliases than I
even care to mention.

They are small-time thieves who
have inexplicably hit the big time.

I smell artifacts.

I smell a loser.

- No. Come on.
- Claudia.

Claudia.

Let's let Artie
get through this

so we can just not be here any
longer than necessary, all right?

Thank you very much, Myka.
Much appreciated.

You're welcome.

So, what is this, um...
What is this artifact?

I don't know.
It's unconfirmed, but if there is one,

it's giving these two an
unbelievable amount of luck,

the kind that defies all
the laws of probability.

They've had
winning streaks in Miami,

Detroit and Atlantic City
and they've not...

Not one single gaming commission
alarm bell has been tripped.

Well, how?

How?
Well, they go into a gaming room

and it has high rollers...
Anybody?

Okay, fine.
And, they're really good.

And they win just enough money
to stay under the radar. Right?

And then they... Fine.

Then they move on,
they don't get caught.

Okay, so they're taking a
little back from the house.

OMG what's the BFD
What?

Yeah, iniquitous hands with
the means to exploit fate.

"Iniquitous" means "bad."

Thanks, Roget.

So, where are they now?

Three hours ago, they
checked into room 1510

at the Maximus Hotel
in Las Vegas.

So, I've also prepared
rundowns, this is yours,

of possible artifacts that are still
in the wild that might be responsible.

And there's also plane tickets
and reservations for the Maximus

and all that stuff.
Vegas, baby.

Kicking it!

Where's the money?
Hmm?

Well, we need to roll high.

Yeah, there's $10,000
in Pete's envelope.

Oh, snap.

Oh, yeah.

Doubt it. Do you...

Are you sure this is enough?
Get out. Get out. Pack.

Boys.

Hey, hey,
do me a favor.

Yes, yes, yes, my liege,
I shall bring you receipts.

Yeah, that, too.
But also one more thing.

Is she mad at me?

No.
Okay.

Yes. Maybe. A little.

But, look, a trip to Vegas
will un-bunch the pants,

and it should be fun.

No, no, no, no.
Please, don't have fun.

Yeah, or crap out.

That's so funny. Later.

So, what am I doing?

What do you mean,
"What are you doing?"

Well, Leena told me Mrs.
F is keeping you off the MacPherson trail.

So, I mean, it doesn't mean I
can't look for him, probably...

I'm only going to say this
once, are you listening?

Yeah.
Back off!

The man will
kill you, kill you.

Understood?

Yeah. Yes, sir.

Why, hello.
How are you? Hi.

All right.

Va-va-voom!

Your tie's crooked.

Well, you just knocked
everything crooked.

How are my teeth?
Your teeth are fine.

Perfume.
That's a first. Mmm-hmm.

So, I've been going
over the possibles.

I've been sniffing
10 grand.

Nothing in Artie's hit list
suggests a multi-part object,

which means we're
looking for one thing,

and it should be
in their possession.

Why?

Carson's rule of
linear transfer.

It means they have
to have it on them.

Forced outcomes
require tangency.

Well, someone's been
paying attention.

Mmm-hmm. Some of us
longer than others.

Okay, well, let's assume that it is a
single artifact shared by two suspects.

Why don't we each take one
and we'll compare notes?

Okay. I'll take Lady Luck.
You take her date.

And I got these.
I, uh...

What is it?

I cleaned them with
alcohol, all right? So...

And a little
bit of spit.

Kidding.

Testing. Sorry.
Ow!

Okay. Oh, you have the
Tesla, right? Yes.

I'll trade you
for the Farnsworth.

But you...
You have the gun.

I know, but it's
the boring one.

Well, you lost the toss.
I know.

Let's just go
find this artifact

and see if we can't
change somebody's luck.

Okay, that thing is so freaky.
What, this? Yeah.

No, the thing behind you.
Yeah, that.

Well, trapped desires

refracted by light,
sounds, sex,

mind-altering drugs, into a disco ball.
Disco ball.

A disco ball.
I know. I know.

Dude, how?
Well, unknown, unknown,

but mirrors are usually
just gonna reflect light,

but this thing projects
yearnings and cravings.

You know what
this thing does?

It imparts the grim,
stampeding inhumanity

against anything decent.

Don't worry.
Not in here.

In here, it's just a round,
shiny object, but out there...

It's the '80s?

The '70s.

By the way, I'm sorry I came down
on you a little hard at Leena's.

You know, whatever.
It's just because I owe you, you know,

for helping me
and saving Joshua.

I mean, the guy
hurt you, you know.

It pisses me off.
Yeah, yeah.

If finding MacPherson helps you...
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

Just... Just help me lift this thing.
We'll do it on three.

All right. Well, can Mrs.
Frederic find him? I don't know.

On three.
One, two, three.

Well, the guy used to
work here though, right?

Yeah. And what, the
place drove him nuts?

Something lured him to the dark side?
Yeah. No.

He is the dark side, and things are
lured to him, people especially,

which is why you're never going
to mention his name ever again.

Just to you? To anyone.
Promise me.

Yes.

Is that Myka?

Whatever it is,
it's not good.

Red five.

You're pushing
our luck.

Yeah, and it's
pushing right back.

Take a break.

I'm okay.

We've got enough, okay?
Nobody's legs are getting broken.

Everybody's paid off.

Well, college for five
kids won't be cheap.

We're having three.

And it won't matter if you're
not around for the honeymoon.

Oh, I'll be around.

It's going to be the
best years of our lives.

Just five more spins.
Three.

Okay,
we found them.

You see anything?

Besides two
scoundrels in love?

No, but they might have
something off-site.

All right, I'm going
to go toss their room.

Call me if you see them chewing on a
rabbit's foot or adjusting a magic girdle.

Red 23.

- Careful!
- Stop yelling!

Start listening.
I'm so running over your toes.

All right, just get it straight.
Not like that!

Okay!

Could you close the door behind you?
Got it.

You know what?
Pull all the Dodgson files, would you?

And pull anything that's got
a listed cross-reference

like Alice Liddell,
Lewis Carroll.

What are you still
standing here for?

I'm not
your girl Friday.

What kept you?

Three pumpkin pies and a broken oven
thermostat that you keep promising to fix.

Um... Yeah.
What's this?

Well, this is
why I called you.

Artie, what happened?

Yeah, optical divagation, I think.
Wait, what?

Kind of like a retinal
flare after a photo flash.

My best guess is the blast
from the disco ball,

it kind of fritzed this mirror's
primary reflective capacity.

And then, it probably clipped
part of Myka's psyche,

infused it in there.
I don't know.

You know, it's kind of like shadows
on a wall after Hiroshima.

It's a pretty
lively shadow.

Yes, but is it?

Is it what?
Alive.

Uh-huh.

You want to?
Sure.

Uh, what's that about?

I'm going to pull her back if she falls in.
Get your mind out...

Okay.
Thanks.

So?
Nothing.

So, what is it,
just a shadow play?

Well, the glass is
like a barrier.

If that's alive,
I can't tell.

Let's just ask her.
It.

It. It might have
something to tell us.

I mean, why can't
we just talk to her?

Because we do not converse
with reflected entities, okay?

Because...
Because two words, Bloody Mary.

That's just an urban legend, though, right?
Of course, it isn't.

Shadows have power, and
you let this thing speak

and there is no telling
what could happen.

Pete was playing ping-pong
with one of those things.

Weren't you supposed to go
pull files or something?

Thank you.

Okay, oh, and pull anything from Studio 54.
Got it.

54.
Heard you.

Can I make a suggestion?
Sure.

I haven't lost a penny, Mom.
Is Myka with you?

No, she's downstairs
on the Whitmans.

I'm getting ready to search their room.
What's up?

Nothing.
How's your radar?

You mean am I having
a vibe or something?

Yeah. Give it a second.

Anything out of the ordinary?
Anything at all?

With Myka?

With anything.

You know, now that you mention
it, there is something.

What?

The buffet is
overpriced.

Other than that.

No. No vibe, no trouble.
It's all good.

All right.
Are you sure?

Artie, is there something I should know?

No, no, no, no, no.
Everything's good, it's just a status check.

Don't dawdle, stay in touch, goodbye.

"Kirk, out."

He's fine, so is Myka.
Okay? Okay.

Put it down on black 15.

Myka.
Yes?

I got nothing.

Yeah, nothing's going
on down here, either.

They're still winning and
I'll be damned if I know how.

...cons of the situation, I just don't...
Yeah, I know. I have.

I just think that that's...

What if, maybe, we
put those two together?

I don't think
that's going to work.

What about what
we tried in...

What is that?

Oh, that's just
something I whipped up.

Yeah. What do you mean?
Just now?

Yeah, that's right.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

What...
What are you doing?

I'm opening a line
of communication.

The CIA uses laser mikes to
read vibrations off windows

to hear what's going on on the
other side of the window, right?

Yeah. I want to hear
what she has to say.

Bloody Mary, shadows
have power, I get it.

But what if that's not
just a shadow, Artie?

Artie, that look on her face
is somebody who's trapped.

Believe me, I know that
look, and so do you.

If things get hinky,
you can pull the plug.

What've you got to lose, okay?
I do need to do this.

Don't...
I mean, just wait.

I just...
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.

Let me think.

Myka. Myka,
where are you?

Oh.

Hey.

So, Mr. Whitman
doesn't look good.

No sign of
any artifact?

Not even a glimmer.

What's up with his hand?
I don't know.

Look, if you want to get some
rest, I'll stay with them.

Not if they
split up.

If they do,
I'll call you.

No, no, let's
stay together.

If they've got something,
it's on them.

I want to
know what it is.

I've been burned by this before.
They look real and they'll say anything.

Say something.

Artie, when I get out of here, I'm
hugging her and I'm kicking your ass.

Yeah, well, that won't be happening.

Why? Artie, it's me.

No, no, you're
just a reflection.

The real Myka's in Las Vegas
on a mission with Pete.

What? No, no,
I'm not. Artie.

You see, that's
exactly what I mean.

You just don't do it.
Turn that thing off.

Artie, if I'm in Vegas with
Pete then how can I be here?

No, just don't
turn it off!

Whatever that thing is, it's
never getting out of here.

Lewis Carroll's Alice,

you're so sweet,
so innocent, so not true.

This woman was
as mad as a hatter

and Charles Dodgson, aka Lewis
Carroll, was not writing books.

He was chronicling this young woman's
descent into a sociopathic madness.

All of his books, he
didn't write these books.

These are Warehouse fabrications,
brilliant fabrications,

to hide the truth
about that mirror.

Here's a report from Warehouse field agents.

Yeah? The mirror crossed
paths with Alice Liddell.

I bet it crossed
paths. When?

Well, right before the murders.
That's terrifying.

Yeah, and there's no mention
of where the mirror came from.

Okay, well, where do any
of these things come from?

Okay, but, Artie, these agents, they
trapped her inside of the mirror.

Yeah. Somehow her
energy, her essence...

Even they weren't
sure how it happened.

Wouldn't it have
been nice, Leena,

if these Warehouse field agents
had bothered to figure it out

before she killed
one of them?

Lot of loose
ends here, okay?

So, I'm not... Hey,
that is why, Claudia,

taking inventory
is so important!

So, what are we saying?
What are we saying?

Are we saying that
just Myka's image

got melded with the
crazy essence of Alice?

Yeah, yeah, that's
exactly what I'm saying.

Looks like Myka isn't Myka.
And if we give voice to that thing,

it will trick us somehow
to try to get out,

and that is not
going to happen.

We've done enough.

No, we promised each other
we'd stop at $5 million.

I'm a lying, convicted thief, Gary.
I'm breaking the promise.

No. We're so close.

We're just a few
thousand away.

It won't make
any difference.

You need to
see a doctor.

We don't have any insurance.

Please.

We'll be paying
out of pocket.

And I won't go
unless we offset

what that'll cost with
an hour's worth of betting.

Listen to yourself.

You listen.
My hand can rot off.

I'm not going
to any doctor.

We should
take it now.

Take what?

Whatever it is they've got, you
know, force them to hand it over.

Well, we're not
even sure...

One more round of betting and
then I'm cashing us out.

You're the boss.

I was just trying to keep her distracted.
We're clear.

I want him.

Sorry?
You follow the girl.

I'll stay here and I'll
call you if he comes out.

Are you sure? Yeah.
I can handle him if there's trouble.

All right. Okay.

I'II...

I'll call you if I catch anything.
Do that.

Artie, I know you're not as
sure about this as you're pretending.

I'm not pretending.

You know when you hold a
mirror up to a second mirror

and you get that sort of
reflected infinity thing?

Mmm-hmm.
Well, what happens if that mirror

is reflected in something like
the Studio 54 disco ball?

Is it possible to get some
kind of artifact interaction,

something completely
unexpected?

I don't know.

What if
the disco ball goes off

and someone is standing
in front of Alice's mirror?

Well, I think we know
what happened.

Do we really?

Could reflections
switch places?

Could people?

She pulls to the right.

Pardon?

It's something I noticed
a couple minutes ago.

When Myka's mad at me,
she pulls to the right.

She's mad at you now,
has been for about a week.

So, is she?
Pulling?

To the right?

Red 23!

Excuse me, miss.
Hi, you dropped this.

Keep it.
Maybe you'll get lucky.

That's what I'm hoping.

Red 21!

Holy bananas!

Okay.

Oh.

Uh...

Okay.

You are really
mad at me.

I feel sorry for you, actually.
And why is that?

Because of all the things
right in front of your face

that you simply
refuse to see.

Like what?

Like me.

Oh, well...

Yeah, well, I need to
ask you a question

that only the real Myka would
know the answer to.

You know what? You're wasting time,
Artie, 'cause Pete's in danger.

Yeah, well,
so are you, right?

In danger, if you're really
who you say you are.

Okay. Okay, fine.

Here's what you and I both know,
but we never talk about it.

All right?
Mmm-hmm.

That I don't trust you.

That I need you
to tell me the truth

and not treat me
like some chess piece

that you move around on a
board that only you can see.

That I am valuable.
That I matter.

And that I deserve to know
everything I can about this world

that you send me
into every day

so at least I have
a fighting chance.

You know,
in spite of everything...

In spite of everything,
I like you.

I think you're great.

I want you to
think the same of me.

I screwed up.

Honey,
my key's not working.

Hi.

Where's him?

Him's not here.
What room you looking for?

My room.

Who are you?
You're cute.

And you're faking it.
Never con a con artist.

You had your chance
to walk away.

You won't get another.

Hey. Hey. Uh...
Pete with you?

No. Listen, I'm a bit busy.
Can I call you back?

Yeah. No, sure.
Everything okay?

It will be as soon as I can get back to work.

Okay. Oh, I've got
some bad news.

Leena tells me that
your ferret escaped

and she's been
trying to call for it.

She doesn't
know its name,

I don't even know if you finally
did name that thing. Did you?

No. No, actually
I never did.

Just put some food out and it'll come back.
I got to go.

Now, where were we?

Myka did name the ferret.
She's just not telling Pete the name.

Why not?
Because she named it Pete.

Yeah, it's cute, but it's so annoying.

No, that's good. I like that.
You think that's funny? Huh?

Because if she thinks
we know, she'll kill him.

Jillian, hi.
The name's Pete.

Look, you're in trouble
and I'm here to help.

That chip that you have, the one
that's changed your luck...

Hey!

Let go or I'll scream.

Jillian, it's
hurting you, okay?

That is a contact wound.
Wishing objects do that.

This one seems to
be a bit addictive

and we both know
that that's bad, right?

So, you keep the money,
but you give me the chip.

No.
Gary's sick, too, isn't he?

You got to stop while
you're ahead, Jillian.

Trust me.
Don't make me use this.

The Jubilee Grand,
right? The fire?

What are you going
to do with it?

I am going to put this on a
shelf and ignore it forever.

Damn it!

Wow.
I know. Now watch.

Watch what?

That chip allows
you to see the future.

Damn it!

Are you all right?
Yes, thank you.

Yeah, I can see
the attraction.

You have to tell him
what's going on, Artie.

Well, he may have
figured it out already.

Seriously? I mean, it's Pete
we're talking about here.

I can't...
I can't get a hold of him.

I mean, his cell keeps
going to voice mail.

Alice has obviously
got the Farnsworth, so...

Well, dude,
he's in a big hotel.

There was this man
at the bar one night

bragging about how he miraculously
survived the inferno.

He said that this
chip saved his life.

And you stole it.
That's what we do.

Pete Lattimer,
white courtesy phone.

Phone call for Pete Lattimer.
Jillian, take the money and run,

don't walk, find a beach,
never look back.

I am going to go
get your husband.

Hold on. You're not arresting us?
You're letting us go?

What happens in Vegas, okay?
Just get out of here.

It looks like you were
telling the truth.

Don't hurt Jillian.

Oh, Gary, do you know what?
Hurting is half the fun.

You want to know what's more fun?
The other half.

Who are you?

You've had
your wishes, Gary.

Now it's my turn.

And now I'll know when
they're coming for me.

And if I can see them,
I can kill them.

I bet you didn't
see that coming.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.

I had to use the Tesla.

He's dead.

You killed him.

Pete, what's going on?

Change of plans.

Pete...
What, do you think I'm an idiot?

Don't answer that.

Just stop, okay?
Just put down the gun

and let's think
this through.

Okay. Guess what?
I'm still taking the artifact.

I can't let you
do that, Pete.

Die trying to
stop me, Alice.

Oh, clever boy. What tipped you?

The real Myka
would never kiss me.

Never.

Not if her life
depended on it.

Which is...
A shame.

You're a good kisser.

So, Artie hasn't
figured this out yet?

No, not yet,
but when he does,

he'll set the real Myka free
and you will, poof, disappear.

It doesn't work
that way, Pete.

Meaning what?

Meaning nothing comes
out of the mirror

unless something
goes back in.

Really?

And I am done
with that.

Oh. Well,
I beg to freaking differ.

Freak.

I suppose I should have destroyed
that mirror when I had the chance.

Turn around.

This is on you.

You're the one
who set me free.

Yeah?

Well, I'm fixing that
right now. Turn around.

Oh, my...

I'm never going
back into that mirror.

Do you hear me?

Never.

And this,
this is my ace.

That's it.
Cash me out.

"Curiouser and curiouser."

Artie, now!

Hey, Pete, help me.

Artie, where is Myka?

Thank you.
Yeah, you're welcome.

All right.
Okay.

Okay. Here, let's get this.
So, what now?

Now... Now we move Alice
to the dark vault.

What's the
dark vault?

It's better than
the "Oy, Gevalt."

Yeah. No, the dark vault...
You've never seen the dark vault? Yeah.

I'm going to hazard
a guess here,

you're never going to want
to see the dark vault

after we move that to the...
Okay, you get the...

No, you know what?
Let's do this tomorrow, okay?

But, you know, we better secure it.

You know,
let's move that trunk.

When I say "let's,"
I mean you.

Little known, but apropos
fact, by the way,

Steven Rubell, who was one of
the co-founders of Studio 54,

he considered calling
his club Wonderland.

Wow.

Oh, my God!

- Other side.
- Hey, lady!

Okay.

Yeah. Hey, let's go.
Hey, hey, my 10 grand.

Right, about that.
Well, Artie, you know,

uh, last-minute
Apache helicopter rides

to the middle of nowhere, South
Dakota, don't come cheap.

Okay, I know
a guy with a Chinook.

Would've cost you about half
if you would have called me.

Well, I had to beat
Alice here, didn't I?

Hey, hey!

What's going on Did it work?
Look who's here.

Oh, my God!
She's back.

Making breakfast, come on. Come on.

- So, Myka, you said I was
- What?

Previously on
Warehouse 13...

Is that... Is part of that a
Bell + Howell Spectroscope?

Surprise. I repurposed it.

What? Without asking me?

I'm only going to say this
once, are you listening?

Yeah.
Back off!

Just do
as you're told, please.

Vibe,
it happens all the time.

So why do
you trust them?

Well, one time I didn't and I should have.

My dad was a fireman.

He died that night in a house
fire saving a couple kids.

Apparently Martino and your partner were
having an affair and he was married.

Her history doesn't
bother you?

I read the press release
of what went down in Denver.

You're a hero.

Lives were saved.
Lives were lost.

Want to do a shot?

Sorry, I don't drink.

Sure you do.

Do I know you?

I haven't had a drop
in five years.

Probably 'cause
you drank enough

for a lifetime
the night you killed me.

It was an accident.

It was an accident.

I was 17.
It was prom night.

I'm so sorry.

Lee?

Lee, what are
you doing? Lee.

No.
Lee, talk to me.

Doc, I gotta...
I have to get away from her.

Lee!

Lee!

Damn it!

We have a man down.
C-Block, second tier.

Stay back!

We'll need a doctor
down here right away!

Get out of the way.
Yeah, we got a...

Yeah, we got a situation down here.
We got to secure this...

You're going to jail, missy!

Well, better safe
than sorry, right?

What are you
talking about?

Unexplained suicides
up in Riverton.

We are off
to see the warden.

You use soap on a rope?

Hey, I don't judge your
personal hygiene products,

although you might want to
invest into some moisturizers.

You're a little dry
around the nose.

You want to swap
beauty tips?

Then we can talk
about the hair

that's sprouting
from your shoulders,

your nose and your ears.

Ow!

Or, you know, you could just tell
me about the prison suicides.

Well, let's go
with the suicides.

Inventory.
What a bone.

Tycho Brahe's snot pocket.

Check.

This place is falling apart.

Venus de Milo's arms. Rad.

You know what?

I cannot work
under these conditions.

What you doing?

Re-building a carburetor.

That's funny.
No, I mean, what's the tune?

Something I've been
working on for my father.

Oh. How old is
your father?

No, I mean, that's
really good for you.

Can I have the keys
to the cherry picker?

Why? And no, you can't.

I just want to fix
this light bulb.

It's flickering.
It's really annoying.

Just let it go, Claudia.

You know, it's just
going to burn out

and you'll have
me fix it later.

Okay, here's the thing.
You know, these bulbs, they never burn out.

They're Shelby bulbs.
They were invented

by Adolphe Chaillet
108 years ago.

So there's no need...
What am I doing even talking to you?

I am busy.
I will tighten the bulb later.

Artie.

Fine.

I know you have a corner
on the whole vibe thing,

but this place is creepy.

Well, maybe it just
needs a woman's touch.

Agents
Bering and Lattimer?

Sorry to keep you waiting.

There's a tropical storm
headed this way

and the preparations
are endless.

I'm Corinne Huggins,
the warden.

I'm not sure what the Secret
Service's interest is in all this,

but I expect to be
kept in the loop.

Of course.
Good. This way.

Riverton hadn't had
a suicide in two years.

Now, including Donaldson, we've
had four in the past month.

His parole had just
come through, right?

He had reconciled
with his wife,

he was looking forward
to being with his family.

Not a very high risk
for suicide.

None of them were.
All four were model prisoners.

Had anything new been brought
in before the first suicide?

Furniture? Art work?

Agent Lattimer, this is a
maximum security facility,

not a college dormitory.

There's been nothing new.
No woman's touch.

Right. Of course.

What about new inmates?

There's been
a freeze on intake.

We've been operating over capacity
since before I took over.

And when was that?

Just over a month ago, just
before the first suicide.

I bet she's got some demonic
tchotchke on her desk

that she uses
as a paperweight.

Okay, I take back the
"woman's touch" comment.

My predecessor had been
here quite a few years.

There hasn't been much time
to look at paint chips.

You killed me, Bunny.

As it is, we've had to store
his things in the anteroom closet

until his estate
is out of probate.

Myka?

Okay, so this prisoner, Donaldson,
didn't leave a suicide note.

Mind if I look through
his stuff?

You killed me, Bunny.

These are his
personal effects.

Cool, love that.

- Ouroboros.
- Huh?

It's the snake. It's a symbol of
self-reflection and cyclicity.

And the best Rush album
since Roll the Bones.

Snakes and Arrows rocks.

Written by one of our inmates.
His path to salvation.

Creepy. Who's John Hill?

Though we're surrounded
by concrete and razor wire,

I can show you more freedom
than the men who hold the keys.

What's he in for?

Killed his wife.

A lot.

Darkness has descended
on this house.

Death has returned
to Riverton.

And those who do not learn from
history are doomed to repeat it.

Dr. Cooper's
ready for y'all.

Regret has no place
in your life.

Your only salvation is here.

Artie, if you won't let me use
the cherry picker, then how am I...

Hmm.

No way.

What every fashionable girl
is wearing this fall.

Awesome. Suck it, Magneto.

Sweet. I can totally
see my house from here.

Okay. This is
mildly disconcerting.

Great. Now we know
they last 108 years.

And do you think freaky cult
leaders are born with crazy eyes,

or is it some sort of
corrective surgery?

Pete, what is it?

You don't see that?

See what?

That guy standing there.

It's my dad.

So, Pete saw his father,
but you didn't, right?

Yeah, but I should probably
mention that I saw Sam earlier.

What? Why didn't
you say anything?

Well, you know, Sam's dead
and your father's dead.

I mean, you can understand
my reticence, right?

You're both hallucinating?

And when were you
gonna mention that to me?

Well, we just did.

What was that?

Tropical Storm Inez.

Uh, you didn't say
that there was a storm.

Why is that important?

How many times do I have to tell
you about electrical energy?

It can crank up the intensity of an
artifact, I don't know, tenfold.

And if an artifact is causing
these hallucinations,

then a powerful
electrical charge

can make these visions
seem absolutely real.

Well, they seem pretty real now.

All right, then, listen.
You're gonna have to stay in constant contact.

You got that?
Constant.

I don't care if you have
nothing to report,

every hour you're going
to call me, all right?

And meanwhile, you're going to find
out everything about these inmates

who killed themselves.

Start with the last one,
Lee Donaldson.

According to your statement, Lee
said something before he jumped.

"I have to get away from her.
" That's what he said.

I can only think
he meant Claire.

That's the girl he killed
in the hit and run, right?

He quit drinking, but never forgave
himself for taking a life.

Well, guilt's a powerful thing.
He was your trustee, right?

More than that.
We were friends.

I'm trained in recognizing
the warning signs.

I don't know why
I didn't see them.

Did Lee have any enemies?

John Hill, Riverton's
self-proclaimed messiah,

leading his personal
religious cult.

Lee was an early convert,

but after Hill started
capitalizing on the suicides,

Lee saw what he really was,

an opportunist,
preying on fear.

Lee got out, and Hill didn't
like losing one of his lambs.

Hill may have strange religious
beliefs, but he's harmless.

I don't particularly
like what he has to say,

but you can't deny
the calming effect

it's had on some
of the inmates.

How are we today,
Mr. Hill?

Another day above ground, Warden.
Another day above ground.

Indeed.

These are agents
Bering and Lattimer.

They'd like to ask you some questions.
All right.

I'll be
in my office.

Where'd you get
that necklace?

Well, you could say
it's always been with me.

Or you could say
where you got it.

The object itself is
of no importance.

Its value lies in
what it represents.

And what is that?

Some demand
that we consume ourselves

with remorse for
our supposed sin.

Ouroboros reminds us
to transcend the cycle,

and walk the path
to enlightenment.

No remorse, huh?
What about the path to parole?

I was and am his
instrument on Earth,

and with my hands, it is his
will and not mine that is done.

To feel remorse

is to shame God.

What about those who are remorseful?
Like Donaldson.

Lee's death revealed
his greater purpose.

A man cannot be saved
without sacrifice.

Oh, I see. Well,
that's a neat trick, huh?

Now you get
to tell your boys

you can protect them
from sacrifice,

like Donaldson.

My followers are free because
they know the way to freedom.

You killed me, Bunny.

The cruelest prison is the one
that we build for ourselves

out of fear and regret.

I'm done.

Sam?

This isn't real.
This can't be real.

Hey.

Sam again?

Yeah.

I can't move.

Okay, no. No need to panic,
just take off the coat.

Can't take off the coat.
Okay, new plan.

I'm so getting grounded.

Incoming!

Better you than me. Ow!

Artie!

This is the last one.

What is it
you're looking for?

I'm not sure.
Anomalies, patterns.

Riots.

Well, that's a little
specific, but sure.

Sure.
No. No, look.

For decades, Riverton was
known as "the Snake Pit."

Dozens of inmates
went insane here.

Then in 1979,
during Hurricane David,

there were
uncontrollable riots.

I mean, the place
almost burned down.

Six months later,
it was closed.

Reopened a year later
under Warden Matthews.

He was here until
he died last month.

So what did he
do differently?

Warden? You okay?

I beg your pardon.
The week is catching up with me.

I was just asking what
Matthews did differently

to whip this place
into shape.

Well, he was
very religious.

He instituted
daily prayers.

He swore it turned
the place around.

That's him.
Hmm.

Hey, hey, hey.
This looks familiar.

Check out what he got rid
of when he moved in.

And no more riots.

He wasn't
a very tolerant man.

Anything he thought was
pagan he had taken out.

Well, let's go see
the good reverend.

Goodbye,
snakes and arrows.

And that should
take care of that.

Warden, I had your
permission to wear that.

I'm not
sure I understand.

What exactly
is the danger?

I'm sorry.
We can't disclose that information.

Well,
I was quite clear,

you get free reign of my
institution, I get some answers.

Please don't misconstrue
our silence as disrespect.

It's just beyond our
authority to tell you.

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure there
won't be any more suicides.

Cause of death, brain hemorrhage
due to blunt force trauma.

Final report to come.

You could
have helped me, Doctor.

Lee, I'm sorry.
I tried, I did.

I thought you were my friend.
You ignored the warning signs.

You let me die, Doctor.

Stop, Lee! Lee,
I'm your friend!

You killed me, Doctor.

Listen to me!

You told me the suicides would stop.
Now we have another one.

Clearly, you're not
able to help,

and you're not being truthful
with me about what's going on.

I promise you, Warden, we have
told you everything that we know.

Oh, really?
And what exactly are you looking for?

Well, it could be anything.

Look, sometimes freaky stuff causes
other freaky stuff to happen.

After the storm passes,
I expect you two to be gone.

I'm going to request a federal
team of investigators.

Okay, so he was here alone and he
was depressed about Donaldson.

Medical examiners record
their autopsy findings.

Maybe he has a recorder
around here somewhere.

Right.

So look for one.

Well...

Fine, I'll do it.
Well,

I'm over here.

I'll do it.
I'll do it. Okay.

God. Sorry, I just
want to lift your...

Hey, Myka.

Okay, play it.

Lee,
I'm sorry. I tried, I did.

Lee, I'm sorry.
You're my friend!

Okay, okay, so now he's
talking to the dead guy,

but he should know better.
He's a doctor.

What's that static sound?
Did you hear that?

Yeah.

Play it again.
Okay.

Lee, I'm sorry.
I tried, I did.

Lee, I'm sorry. You're my friend!

Did you hear that?
Yeah,

it sounded like, I don't know,
bad cell phone service.

That's 10,000
cycles per second.

It could be the
electrical interference

that any natural material
makes when it vibrates.

Okay, so where
does it come from?

Well, any number of
minerals or heavy metals,

or it could be an artifact
that contains both.

But just give me a second,
just one... Ah!

Uh...
Yeah, okay, does that sound familiar?

That's it.

So, Artie, we're looking
for some kind of

a mineral artifact that
causes hallucinations.

Is that banging?
Do you hear a...

Yeah, no... You do that,
you do that. But I...

Artie Hello? What...

No, I'm okay.
I'm okay. I just...

You know what? Artie, we got it.
Thanks. We'll call you later.

Yeah, all right.

S-O... SOS?

Claudia! Claudia!
Claudia! Claudia!

Artie!

Hi, Artie. Hi.

Huh. Funny story.

So I kind of tried
to fix this light bulb,

even though you
expressly told me not to.

And, man, have I
learned my lesson.

You were so right
about this place.

You just never know
what to expect.

Okay, you're pissed.

Can we move past
that part for now,

and get to the part where
you get me down from here?

That wouldn't be Volta's lab
coat that you're wearing?

All part of the hilarious story
I should really tell you

when I'm back
on planet Earth.

The reason, Claudia, that Volta's
lab coat is in the Warehouse

is because Volta couldn't
control its magnetic field,

as you may have noticed.

Each metallic object
that it connects to

makes the coat
stronger and stronger.

That explains so much.
Thank you.

My glasses.

Those better not
be scratched!

You know, when I was
in Girl Scouts,

we would make these little
mini-metal detectors

so we could hunt for gold.

Most speakers are coated
with a polymer film

that picks up
VHF frequencies,

but we never found any gold, but we
did find a lot of worthless minerals.

Uh-huh.
Mmm-hmm.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

I want you to know that
you can tell me things.

I got the report
about Denver.

What did it say?

I don't know,
I didn't read it.

Intellectually, I know I did
everything by the book.

Of course you did.
You're you.

What if I missed something, Pete?
What if it's my fault?

Myka, the only person
responsible for Sam's death

is the piece of garbage that
pulled the trigger that day.

You protected the President.
That's the gig.

You're a hero
and so is Sam.

Okay?

Yeah.
Okay?

Mmm-hmm.

That's a cool-ass
science project.

Yeah, it's...

You know, it's...

It's not working.

Sounds like it's working.

No, it's not.
It's just crackling at everything.

Well, maybe there's
minerals everywhere.

Well, there can't...
How can there be... Minerals.

The miners... Mine!

They are everywhere, including
in the ground. Come on.

Thank you.
I'm sorry about the...

Look. Quartz mines.

Quartz.

Do you see?

This building was built
on an old quartz mine.

And back then, indigenous
materials would have been used

when building
a new structure.

Quartz as in the mineral?

As in hallucination-inducer.

As in this whole freaking structure
is one giant tuning fork

and mother nature's
just banging away.

Okay, now I've got
these magnets.

They're attached
to this thing.

When I let go, they're
coming right at you.

They'll stick to you and the stuff near you.
Okay, here they come!

Ow!

Okay, they're on.

Would it have killed you to put
a warning label on this thing?

Saying what, "Only put
on in case of stupid"?

Ugh. Just bottom-line
this for me, Artie.

Worst-case scenario?

Oh, why not?

The entire warehouse buckles in on
itself, crushing us both to death.

Okay, yeah, I changed my mind.
Sugar-coat it.

Okay, it must
be the storm,

because I can't
get any reception.

Okay, so the whole building

is causing hallucinations, right?
Right.

So, maybe we should
start thinking about

what stopped them
for 30 years.

Okay, so the prison opens.
Right.

There's a hurricane, suddenly
there's a ton of violence,

the prison closes, it
reopens with a new warden

and suddenly
the violence stops.

Right. He dies.
Uh-huh.

His stuff goes into storage.
Uh-huh.

The suicides start.
Mmm-hmm.

I don't know.

Maybe the old Bible-banger had
something that was curing the crazy.

Right.

Maybe this is what Mrs.
Frederic meant by endless freaking wonder.

Let's go. Yeah, let's get...
Yeah, let's get out of here 'cause it's...

Warden? Warden Huggins!
Go!

Warden,
what's wrong?

It's locked.

Have you got the keys?

Stop. Stop. I'm sorry!

Okay, he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Warden Huggins, this is Agent Bering.
Are you all right?

Get back, Dr. Cooper!
No, that's not true!

Look out. Let me
bust the door down.

But it's... It's...
Ready? One, two, three.

It's a warden's door.

It's probably
sturdier than most.

Well, I wish you would have said
that about five seconds ago.

No.
Get away from me!

That's not a good sign.

We have to go through the
ex-warden's stuff in storage.

You can't
keep us out, Corinne.

You'll never control
this prison.

How many more have
to die by your hand?

I mean, how much "World's Greatest
Warden" crap can you have?

We don't even know
what we're looking for.

Why would this time
be any different?

Okay, look, give me the Farnsworth.
I'm going to try Artie again.

Don't let the vision
of demons fool you, brothers.

It appears that Riverton is
now the land of the blind,

and we are its
one-eyed kings.

Just a minute. Yeah?

Artie. Artie, thank God.
Okay, what shuts down quartz?

Of course it's quartz.
It's quartz, right.

Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
I should have known. Quartz.

Artie... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, listen. Um...

Pierre Curie,
his brother Jacques,

they proved the existence of a
converse effect of piezoelectricity.

You know what that is,
don't you?

Yeah.
Yeah.

So, what you've
got to do is you...

Artie!

Yeah, sorry. Yeah.

Okay, the frequency of a piece of
quartz can be completely canceled out

by its proximity to a
second piece of quartz.

Now the second piece is
probably what the artifact...

I'm having a little...
The image is breaking up.

It's a large piece, okay?

Is the storm... worse?

A lot.

When you find the artifact,
you got to put it exactly...

Exactly... before...

...proximity... the
original frequency...

...essential...

Artie! Artie!

Okay, big piece
of quartz in the closet.

Hey, hello. Can we get back to me, Artie?
There's a bicycle on me.

We're going to have to
reduce the magnetic field,

but we're going to
do it very gradually.

And we have to do
that just because

we wouldn't want to destroy
your central nervous system.

No. No, we wouldn't.
We would not.

Hey, what is that?
That sounds bad. What is that?

Artie! Artie!

Box of crap.
Box of crap.

Warden, whatever you're
seeing, it's not real.

You're perfectly safe.

It's the cross.

Uh...

Claudia, new plan.

But, listen, you have to do exactly,
exactly as I say. Got that?

You're the man!

Stay right there.

What?

Bingo.
You found it?

What is it that they say about
those who live by the sword?

Stand aside, please.

Is that some sort of prison
term for "You're a dead woman"?

I can't take the door
off its hinges

if you're standing
in front of it.

Do you really think we're
just gonna let you in there?

If the prison is
in an uproar,

that means the warden
is in trouble.

She's always supported my work.
I would like to help.

- Good?
- Yeah, yeah.

Warden, no. Wait!

Get out of here.
Let's move. Get out!

Target has arrived.
Repeat, target has arrived.

Sam? Sam?

It's happening again.

You should
have warned me, Petey.

Dad?

If you knew I was never coming home,
why didn't you say something?

Repeat, target is on the move.
Let's move in.

Negative. Negative.
The plan is to extract at the stairs.

Sam, wait!

I was a kid. It was just a feeling.
I was afraid.

Well, it's time to be a man.
Take responsibility for your actions.

Your fears, your regrets.

It's your fault.
You were late.

Was I?

You killed me, Bunny, and now
you've got to make it right.

Time to pay
the price, boy.

The cruelest prison is the
one we build for ourselves

out of fear and regret.

What?

Not a day goes by
that I don't miss you,

but you would have gone
to work that morning

whether I would have warned you or
not, and I have no more regret...

Regret...
...about not stopping you.

And I have no more fear...
...out of fear...

...that I did
the wrong thing.

Regret has no place
in your life.

It wasn't my fault. It's just...
It's who you were.

And who I try and be
every day of my life.

The cruelest prison is the
one that we build for ourselves.

Stay away from me, Sam!

Myka. Myka, listen to me.

You can fight this.

Okay?

You know what happened in Denver.

All your planning and preparations,
they weren't enough.

You know the truth.

Don't be afraid of it.

This is the report.

Remember?

You know what's in it.

Don't be afraid.

Sam said I killed him.

You know
that's not the truth.

Myka, listen, you don't need a report

to tell you what you already
know in your heart.

You did everything right.

Sam didn't listen to you.
That's why he's dead.

He screwed up. Not you.

Do you understand?

Now tell Sam the truth.

I'm sorry, Sam.

Sorry's not going to
bring me back, Bunny.

I'm sorry because
you made the mistake,

not me.

You were late.

No.

No.

You were early.

The target made you
and you got yourself killed.

I love you, Sam.

I always will.

But I have to move on.

I have to move on.

Wow, it's... You okay?
It's getting worse. Yeah, I'm fine.

What are we going to do with this?
Okay.

Artie said... The picture in
the old warden's office...

Right. Right. Yes.

So it was there.

Hurry, Artie!

Oh, good idea!

What is that?
It sounds like a truck.

No, there's no truck.

Oh, my God!

All right, it's a truck.
Wait, wait.

Come on! Come on!

Hang on!

Hey, what's that for?
To get rid of the body?

No, it's a good backup plan
if this doesn't work.

What do you mean
if it doesn't work?

I don't think
I'm going to like this.

Whoa, girl!

Come and get me!

Artie, no, don't do it!
No, please, Artie!

Oh, God, I hope
you're a good shot.

Please, Artie,
please be good at this.

Just don't move!

Okay! I promise
I'll be good from now on!

Grab it!
Okay, I'm trying.

Got it.

Artemis Maximus!

That was awesome!

Yeah, it kind of was
awesome, wasn't it? Yeah.

All right,
let's get out of here.

You got to take that off right away.
Okay.

Now. Now.
Yeah.

Oh, God.

Hey, are you hurt?

No. No, I'm fine.
What happened?

Well, it's a long story.
I hope you like the cross.

Pete!

Oh, my God.
Help me.

What happened?

Oh, God.

Oh, man.

Okay, okay,
he's losing a lot of blood.

We got to get him out of here.
No, no, no. No. No.

It's all right.

He's chosen me
for sacrifice.

I'm on a new path.

How many times do I have to write this, Artie?

Okay. All right.
Claudia, all right. Okay.

You know what?

No.

Yeah.

Enough of doing it
that way. All right.

So, now, Claudia. Okay.

Now focus,
don't just write it.

Believe it.
No.

Yes.
Oh.

How long you been
working on that?

Since I lost my father.

Artie, I'm sorry.
When did he die?

He's alive.

I just hope that
finishing this

will help us find
each other again.

Myka!

Yeah?

Hey.
Hey.

So listen,
I'm taking the girls out

for a little
night on the town.

You know, which in this
part of South Dakota

means going
for ice cream.

Mmm-hmm.

You want to come?

I'm beat.

All right. You want me to
bring you something back?

You know I don't
eat sugar.

Right. Butter pecan, caramel
sauce, chocolate sprinkles.

You all right?

I'm good. You know...

All right, well, remember,
if you want to talk...

Maybe tomorrow.

I'll have my people
call your people.

You do that.

Bye.
Bye.

Previously on
Warehouse 13...

That'll take you
directly to who has the sword,

and that will lead you
to MacPherson.

Who
Who?

I wasn't here when everything went
down between Artie and MacPherson,

but I know it was bad.

It's called the past
rearing its ugly head.

And someone out there

is running around using...
That's right, someone,

and that someone
is MacPherson.

He wanted more
than the sword.

He wanted to mess us
up as a team.

Now it's up to you
to stop him.

Hello, Arthur.

Done. I win.

It's not a race.

Said the tortoise
to the hare.

You know, in the story,
the tortoise actually wins.

It's a fairy tale.
How is a turtle going to beat a rabbit?

It's not a fairy tale.
It's a fable, a life lesson.

Slow and steady
wins the race.

Okay, here's a life lesson,
Pete fast, Pete win.

You all finished?

Hey. Hey, Artie. Artie.
Yeah?

If you were making a bet, who's
faster, a turtle or a rabbit?

Yeah. You finished
the reports?

Yeah. Who are these going to?
Not Mrs. Frederic.

Yeah, she doesn't seem
like the paperwork type.

No, these go above all
our pay grades. Who?

Myka, one day you'll know all
answers to all questions.

Just not today.

Okay. Fine.
Enjoy your top secrets.

I just got to go.
I just can't leave that courier waiting.

What A courier?

What is this,
the Wells Fargo Wagon?

Haven't you ever
heard of e-mail?

No, no, no. That's not
nearly secure enough,

because we...
It doesn't matter.

You guys are having a day
to yourselves, right?

Have fun. Claudia's doing chores.
And I'll see you later.

Doing chores where?

Uh... In the Warehouse.

Scalpel.
Thank you, Nurse.

There's an awful lot of blood.
I think I need some suction.

Ganza! Good as new.

And get into the corners this time.
Don't make me push you.

Go on.

Ew, warm.

Mmm.

Frosty goodness.

Okay. "Repair auto-vac."
Slice-o-pie.

"Tighten and
lubricate zip line."

It sounds kind of dirty
when you say it like that.

God, ancient junk-oleum.

You got to update this
turd some day, Artie.

Hey, be careful. No.

No, no, no, no. Crap.

Crappity, crap, crap, crap!

Oh, my God.
This is not good!

This is not going to look
good on my report card.

Oh, my God. Okay,
don't panic. Oh, my God.

WWAD? What would Artie do?

Um...

Momentum. Got to get
momentum. All right.

Come on, momentum,
let's go.

No, no, no, no, no.
This sucks!

So if it isn't Mrs.
Frederic, then who's getting those reports?

I don't know.
Mr. Frederic?

Claudia?
I brought donuts.

Donut. It's chocolate.

Mmm.

What's "AD"?

Artifact disturbance.

You know, you really
need to read the manual.

That can't be good.

Claudia?

Claudia!

Um... Sorry.
Yeah, I was just wondering...

I was hoping that you could take a
message to the higher-ups for me.

This MacPherson situation, I realize
that they prefer a hands-off approach,

but they... You're talking.
We don't talk.

Oh. I didn't think
there was a rule.

I just thought you weren't
particularly social.

I see I was
right about that.

God. Hi.

She would like a word.

I'm sure she would.

Let's just follow the zip line.
She's bound to turn up.

I just hope she's okay, you know.

Uh, Claudia's
like bamboo.

You can bend her all you
want, she'll never break.

This is hers.
How do you know?

We have to get rid
of Artie's BeDazzler.

Hello.
Hmm.

Is that a dodgeball?

How did that
get in here?

Hell, no.
Um...

Did that just do what I think it did?

Yeah. Yeah.

Gosh! Is that thing
having babies, or...

Yeah, look.
Okay, okay, let's get out of here.

Okay.

Those things hit us every time we look away.

Yeah, I'm going to go with you on that

so I don't end up
with a concussion.

Um, ooh...
The screen. What?

Right? Let's read the screen.
Yes.

"Baylor Dodgeball.

"Used for military dexterity
and agility training.

"Multiplies upon contact."
That we already know.

"Acquired after the bludgeoning
deaths of five cadets in 1972."

Bludgeoning is bad.

Agreed. Agreed.

Okay, there's a neutralizing
station around the corner.

There should be. Okay.
Ah! Ah! Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Ready? On three.
Okay.

Three.

Let's see how these puppies
like a neutralizer flea bath.

Why isn't it working?

Okay, this is bad.

What's happening?
Why isn't it working?

I don't know.
It's busted.

Okay, what do
we do now?

Plan B.

What's Plan B?
I was hoping that you knew.

No.
Okay, wait.

What's that one? "Breathe underwater.
" "Hear colors."

Okay. "Grow
fingernails fast."

"Summon locusts."
That's not...

They're dodgeballs.
Yes, yes, that's already established.

That's how you win at dodgeball.
You have to catch it.

No, these are too fast.

And what about that whole
death-by-bludgeoning thing?

No, no, no, no.
Look, you look away, right?

And when they go
for you, I'll catch one.

I think we should go with Plan C.
What's Plan C?

Well, I run away
and you get pummeled.

Look!

Pete?

Pete?

Who smells like tuna
fish now, Ralph Brunsky?

Who?

Huh?

Who?

Oh, I was just having a
little playground flashback.

Oh.

Hi, there. Welcome to Ted's.
I'm Theadora, but everybody calls me Ted.

Party of one?

No, no, I'm meeting that
woman right over there,

and it's rarely a party.

Hello.

Oh, Arthur, have a seat.

Why are we
meeting here?

We need to
have a chat.

The pie of the day
is banana cream.

I highly recommend it.
Made it myself.

Yeah, a steak, bloody, black
coffee, two pieces of the pie.

Two? Um, just
a house salad.

Leena's got me
on a diet.

Maybe just one piece of
that pie, 'cause she made it herself.

How are things
at the Warehouse?

They're good.
They're fine.

A little chaotic, but it's
a good kind of chaos.

And the missions?

No one's been killed.

You can't ask
for more than that.

And we have an excellent
retrieval rate.

What about the incidents in
Paris or Las Vegas or Colorado?

Mrs. Frederic,
you know all about those.

Why are you
asking me about them?

I'm forgetful.
Refresh my memory.

You were saying
about Paris?

Claudia, there's half
a donut in the office.

How far do you think she could have
gotten before the zip line snapped?

Could be the other end of
the Warehouse.

There's an end?
I hope so.

Duck and cover.

Okay, that was
bigger than usual.

To hell with this.

I'm going to see if I can
spot her from up here.

Well, be careful.

Whoa.
What is it?

Go down the aisle, cross
two over and turn right.

It's Leena's.

But how?

And there's a Claudia-shaped
hole in the roof.

Claudia?

Are you here? Wait, you guys!
No, no, no, no!

Don't close the door!

Thank God. We were following
the zip line, and the...

Yeah, no, I'm good. I mean, we're
all trapped in here for eternity,

but otherwise
I'm solid. Yeah.

Okay.

Let's just get back to the
office so we can fix the...

What
What?

What the hell?

This is what
I've been saying.

First the goo doesn't work,
Mmm-hmm.

Then one of those static
balls tries to cook us

and now, a clingy house.
The Warehouse is in a bad mood today.

FYI, if anyone has
to use the bathroom,

don't flush.

Trust me. Okay.
Okay, you know what? Just...

We just have to wait and think
about this for a second.

New plan.

Scoring that an 8.5. Next time, you
got to stick the landing!

Let's all just stop and think about this a second.

That's a good plan.
Good plan. Claudia,

did you try climbing back out of
the same hole that you fell in?

Yeah, came right back in
through the fireplace.

I don't recommend it.

And you trust
Pete and Myka?

With my life.
They're consummate professionals.

Mrs. Frederic, I have to ask
you, why specifically...

Excuse me, we're having a private...
Do you mind?

Oh, no,
that's all right.

Okay.

What is he...

Very sorry.
Private party.

Wait, what is going on?

I thought they
would never leave.

Okay, here we go. You be careful now.
This is a hot plate.

I think we can begin.

Mr. Valda?

Hello, Irene. Mr.
Valda, nice to see you again.

This is Agent Nielsen.
Just a minute.

What is this?

That's a house salad.

Bering and Lattimer are
consummate professionals.

Thank you, Theadora.
So, as you stated in the past,

Agents Bering and
Lattimer's mission was...

Look. Do you mind telling me
exactly what is happening here?

Arthur, Mr. Valda's asking the questions.
Please don't interrupt him.

Yeah. Well, I don't think I'm going
to be answering any questions

until you tell me
what this is about.

Sometimes he forgets we
answer to a higher authority.

What higher authority?

The...

The Regents.
These are the Regents?

The Regents meet here?

They do today.

Do you really
expect me to believe...

What exactly were you
expecting, Agent Nielsen?

Hooded, cloaked figures
standing in half-light

around a perpetually
burning flame?

He's seen
too many movies.

You know, I just would have thought that...
This waitress is a Regent?

John Adams was a farmer, Abraham
Lincoln was a small-town lawyer.

Plato, Socrates were teachers,
Jesus was a carpenter.

To equate judgment and wisdom
with occupation is, at best,

insulting.

Yeah, that's not what I meant.

I know what you meant.

Who would you have
control the Warehouse?

Kings? Popes? Politicians?

There'd be nothing
left of it.

Yeah. No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.
It's just, you know, I didn't think...

Yes, that's one of the reasons
we needed to speak with you.

Your reluctance to think.

Irene?
Mrs. Frederic.

Thank you, Theadora.
So as I was saying,

you stated in the past that Agents
Bering and Lattimer's mission

was to "Snag it, bag it
and tag it," correct?

Yeah, well, you know,
I mean, I said that.

I didn't mean to denigrate
the job description.

Yet in their brief
tenure as field agents,

they managed to destroy
James Braid's chair...

If you just
let me explain.

Lewis Carroll's mirror.

That wasn't destroyed.

Your agents released a malevolent
entity into the Warehouse,

allowing it access to
dangerous artifacts.

It was an accident.
It was a total accident.

It is not uncommon
for artifacts to be

occasionally destroyed
for the greater good.

And Agents Lattimer and Bering, I mean,
they've repeatedly shown bravery,

they've shown quick-thinking.
They're an excellent team,

and they're probably
the best agents

that the Warehouse has ever had.
Arthur,

their abilities are
not in question here.

Oh.

This is about me?

Not only you.

Your former partner.

MacPherson?

Okay, okay, so this version of the
B&B is in the Warehouse because...

It's an artifact.

But can this whole
place be an artifact?

Like, is that
even possible?

Yeah, pretty much
anything is possible.

Okay, so maybe there was an artifact
in the original

that they couldn't take out, right?
Mmm-hmm.

So they just moved the whole thing.

And rebuilt the new one without it.

Look for anything here that's
different from our B&B.

All right. Okay, that was kind of cool.
All right.

We had this little, like, group-think thing going on.
Gold stars all around.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey. Hey.

I do not recognize
that chair.

You were sleeping
in it last week.

What about
this ugly lamp?

Those light bulbs burnt out
a month ago, but this...

This is new. Or old.

It's fused to the wall.
This is it. Huh.

It's a painting
of this room.

And we can't
leave this room.

Seems like quite the
coinky-dink, don't you think?

Yeah, how very
Salvador Dali.

Do you think this
painting's keeping us here?

Maybe. Pete,
look at the lamp.

What?
Okay, now look at the painting.

Claudia put it back
in a different spot.

It changed because
of what you did.

Okay, okay.
So maybe

if I do something
to the picture...

That happens.

Sick!

After you.

Okay.

Your turn.
Don't mind if I do.

Don't even bother.

At least
that was new.

Man, you know what?
This thing is useless.

Did I do that?

Well, neither of us did.

I can see the Warehouse.

Okay, there's a letter
opener, if I remember...

Yes. Okay.

Okay.

Let's go.

All right.
Safe and sound.

What?
That.

Maybe we should
have stayed inside.

We need to get
back to the office.

No need.

"What are you doing wasting time
installing backup terminals in the aisle,

"foolish red-haired girl?"

Because you never know when
you might need one, Artie.

Nice.
Hey-oh.

Okay, looks like the
problem is in the Gooery.

What's a Gooery?
I'm guessing it's Claudia-speak

for the Neutralizer
Processing Center.

Uh-huh.
Right. Of course.

Well, it's Chapter
197 in the manual.

It's 1,000 pages long.
I'll wait for the movie.

Okay, the Neutralizer
Processing Center

is what pumps the purple
goo through the Warehouse,

creating a stability field.

Yeah, it's like all the gack in
here are nuclear rods, right?

As long as there's
coolant, it's all good.

The Gooery jakes
out the coolant.

It keeps the artifacts from getting
all artifact-y on their own.

Okay, so the Gooery, cool name by
the way, needs to go back online.

Man with a plan.

Okay, so does Chapter 198
say what happens

if we don't get
it working again?

The same thing that happens to the
nuclear rods without the coolant,

except probably worse.

We've got maybe
half an hour left.

What's the fastest way there?
Let me see.

We got to go through
aisle Haddonfield 79,

then loop around
Carlsbad 22...

No, no, no, no. Why don't we
just go straight through here?

Because that's the Dark Vault.

Okay. See? Now, I know what that is.
Didn't read the manual.

That's where all
the dangerous stuff is.

Yeah, like mega dangerous, dude.
Mondo.

Okay, okay, but we still...
We can't loop around. I say we take the risk.

I agree. It's not often
that I agree, but I agree.

Guys, if we're going to do this
thing, let's do this thing.

Wait, no, no, no.

You're not going anywhere, Claud.
You're going to stay put.

I'm coming with.
No, no. We're the agents.

We're the ones that agreed
to risk our lives, not you.

Yeah, but this is my home, too.
You might need my help.

She's right.
She has read the manual.

Am I never going to
hear the end of that?

She knows this place, okay?
I say that she comes with.

Please.
Okay, fine, but you stick close

and you do exactly as we say.
All right.

Suicide mission
with the team.

Kind of exciting.
I'm excited. Come on.

And, in attempting
to save Joshua Donovan,

you placed his sister, yet
another civilian, in danger.

I'm sorry.
Excuse me, please.

If this is about MacPherson, then
why am I being asked about cases

that have absolutely nothing
to do with MacPherson?

Agent Nielsen,
I will ask the questions.

It might be wise to let this
run its course for now.

All right, fine.
Fine. Yes. Yes.

In saving Joshua, I maybe put
Claudia in a little danger,

but I promised her
that if...

You promised?

You promised?

It sounds as if
personal feelings

became involved in
professional judgment.

This has been an issue
in the past, has it not?

It may have come up, but his
artifact-retrieval rate is excellent.

It's the highest in years.
Thank you.

It's simply the facts.

Very well, then.
The facts.

Thank you, Theadora.

Did you or did you not, on two separate
occasions, involve Daniel Dickinson,

A high-ranking Secret Service
officer, in Warehouse 13 matters,

all of which were classified
at the highest level?

Yes.

We have a unique relationship with
the United States government,

a relationship that your
actions have now complicated.

I contacted a fellow
government official

in the normal course
of performing my job,

a job to which I have dedicated
the last 40 years of my life.

No one's questioning
your dedication, Arthur.

What we are questioning,
Agent Nielsen, is your future.

It's sealed with an
omega-level security code.

Can you hack it?
Pope, Catholic, bear, woods,

you know the drill.

And done.

Man, this place
is creep-tastic.

Okay. Don't look, don't touch.
Just keep moving.

These objects
are so dangerous

they can only be controlled
by purple containment fields.

Why are the neutralizer
systems still working in here?

Backup generators because
everything's so dangerous.

Don't worry. They should hold
up long enough for us to

Realize my karma sucks.

We're starting to lose them.
Just keep moving.

This is going to take me a minute.
Is it a different code?

Yeah, I gotta use an
FTL ASCII binary algorithm.

Did you just
make that up?

Hey, little guy.
What are you in for?

Almost there.
Hang in there, guys.

And we're good.

Okay, let's go.

Pete? Pete?

Pete?

Pete, what are you...

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Pete.

Crap. Pete! Can you hear us?
Pete, what are you doing?

Pete, come to the door.
Pete!

Pete, can you hear me?
Pete, are you okay?

Pete. Pete, are you okay?

Attention, Warehouse agents.

Mrs. Frederic.
Thank God.

Emergency
evacuation required.

Repeat, emergency
evacuation required.

Mrs. F, we're down here!

Energy levels
approaching critical mass.

That's a recording.
Yeah.

Emergency
evacuation required.

That's the most I've
ever heard her say.

I know.

Well, this is
a whole other code level.

It's going to take
me a few minutes.

I'm sorry.

You know what?
What?

You know what? Step aside.
Just stand over there.

What are you...

Okay, that was
flat-out awesome.

Pete, what are
you doing, man?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop. We gotta go.

The circle.

I think it's there
for a reason, right?

Pete, what you doing?

Nothing.

He's looking
at a typewriter.

It's not just any typewriter.
It's Sylvia Plath's.

She wrote this poem
called Ennui,

and ultimately, she took
her own life and...

Myka, I spend some serious
time in the bell jar.

I know who Sylvia Plath is.
Right.

What's that thing
doing to him?

It's sucking
the life out of him.

We have to get him out
of the containment field.

Pete.

Pete, can you
come here?

Why? What's
the point?

What do we do?

There's no time.

Okay, you, go to the
Gooery, get it online.

I'll stay here
and deal with this.

Like, just on
my own, or...

Yeah.

Claudia, you know
this Warehouse, okay?

I trust you.

Right. Yeah.
No, I'll just...

Yeah, I'll do it then.
Go. Get going. Tick-tock.

I have a few
more questions.

Do you? Really?

Yeah, I have a few of my own.

Arthur, don't do
anything foolish.

This exercise is a pointless
and insulting waste of time.

I asked you
not to do this.

If MacPherson
is out there...

What? Lf? Lf?

I have a wound
right here, right here,

in my shoulder
that should prove it.

He's out there.
He's out there,

and he's planning
something far worse

than any of you can imagine.
What are you doing about it?

What are you doing?
You're tying my hands.

You leave us
no choice.

You say MacPherson is a threat,
and you use that to justify

violating Warehouse protocol
time and time again.

Pretty soon, you're going to
be making up your own rules

just to sanction
your actions.

Does this sound familiar,
Agent Nielsen? Huh?

Sound like someone we both knew?

Mr. Valda, he
knows the rules.

He knows that I'm forced to
follow them, don't you see that?

And if I'm going to take
MacPherson, and I am,

then rules have
to be broken.

That's the only
thing that'll work.

You know what's
not going to work?

Reining in the one person that can
stop him before it's too late.

Look at all of you.
You know, you're not out in the field.

You're here, hiding in plain sight.
What are you doing?

You're judging me, you're
judging my methods because

you're afraid of him.

Tell me I'm wrong.
Arthur.

No, no, no, no, no.

Mr. Valda, look at me.

You tell me right to my
face, tell me I'm wrong.

Yeah, well, either
fire me or kill me.

Or let me do my job.

Better make a decision,
and you better make it fast

before he makes
it for you.

I believe the ball
is in your court.

Okay, Pete, we're running
out of time here, so...

Okay, look, what
I'm going to do,

I'm going to take
off my belt. All right?

I'm going to throw
it to you, you grab it

and I'll pull you out
of there, okay, Pete?

Whatever.

Okay, grab the belt.

Pete, grab the belt.
Pete, grab it. Grab the belt.

Okay. You're
a rabbit, right?

Pete, you're not a tortoise, so win.
Win the race. Just grab it.

Win, lose,
what's the diff?

Okay.

Warehouse,
give me something.

Give me something.

Thank you.

Okay, Pete.

You again!

You okay?

Yeah. What was that?

Okay, listen, we're
running out of time.

The Warehouse is about to explode.
Okay, so just come on.

Oh, boy.

Critical
mass in five minutes.

Critical mass
in five minutes.

Really? Cliche, much?

Yeah.

Gross.

Well, it's not so bad.
Kind of smells like chicken.

Critical mass
in four minutes.

Are you okay?

I'm okay. I'm just a little
drained, that's all.

You go. Go ahead.
I'll catch up.

Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah. You go.

Okay.
Go.

Myka.

Yeah?
Thank you.

Okay, ugly, I'm just
going to pull you out.

This is slippery.

Okay, the gloves
are coming off.

Yeah. Okay.

Now I want Italian food.

No. Not the plan. Nope.

Critical mass
in three minutes. Shut up.

Claudia?
Myka!

Hey, I know it looks like I'm
having a bunch of fun, but help.

Almost there.

No, no, no, don't touch.
Way too sticky.

No point in us both
getting ground up.

Okay, pull.

What is this stuff?

If I remember properly, it's hours
of fun for the whole family.

All right.

No, they lied.
It's not even minutes of fun, really.

Where's Pete?
Still bored out of his mind?

No, he'll be here in a minute.
Just keep pulling.

Critical
mass in two minutes.

Mind if I yell? I'm going to yell.
Pete! Pete, help!

Pete.
Chicks.

Pete. Pete, you have to find
something to cut this stuff.

"Stuff"? You don't mean
our arms, right? No.

Don't touch it.

- It's sticky. MRS.
- Attention, Warehouse agents,

energy levels are now at omega levels.
Critical mass in one minute.

We're boned.

How much time
did she just say?

Fifty seconds.
See, see?

Even on tape,
she still creeps up.

Please! Just please
go find something.

Okay, okay.
Wait. My tool belt.

What?

Right there.
Get the snow globe.

Okay.

I got it.

Hey, hey, hey.
Use it to freeze the gears.

Pete.

Okay, okay.
I got an idea. Hold on.

Hold on, hold on.
All right.

30 seconds.

You guys gotta pull really hard.
Yes.

You ready? Now.

Attention, Warehouse
agents, emergency abated.

Nice work.
Thank you.

God. How do you do that?

That was quite
a performance.

Sounded better in my head.

So am I fired?
Worse.

They want you
to stay.

Bering and Lattimer are not the
best agents we've ever had.

You are.

They said that?
It was said.

And they were smart
enough to believe me.

Oh.

Thanks.

Simply the facts.

What about MacPherson?

Good hunting. Try not
to get yourself killed.

No, no, no. Don't try to be
all friendly with me now.

Um... Hey, Myka?
Yeah?

I just wanted to say thanks for,
you know, trusting me before.

Claudia, I...

I know what it's like
to be your age

and have no one
believe in you.

Yeah.

You're good. No, you're really good.
You'll be fine.

Thanks.

Hey, you know, if
you're not busy later,

maybe you could show me how to
do that Kick thing.

'Cause, like, I tried it on a light
switch and I think I broke my toe.

And I know I broke
the light switch.

That would be fun, you know,

and maybe you could teach me
how to hack into the...

The grid?
Yeah.

You want to
hack the grid?

I want to hack the grid.
Okay. Yeah, I'm down.

Okay, so I cleaned up
the last of the mess.

You know, I bet Artie
won't even notice.

Won't notice what?

Your welcome-back
surprise party.

Surprise!

You look surprised.
Doesn't he look surprised?

Tell me.

The zip line crashed and
there were these dodgeballs.

Some glob got in
the Gooery gears.

And then we went
to Leena's B&B...

We went to the Dark Vault
and I was standing...

There was a thunderstorm
brewing above the Warehouse.

She came over and pushed me.
In the Dark Vault...

I cut my arm.
We fixed it.

We fixed everything.
But it's fixed.

Good as new.
It's all...

Totally.
Fixed.

How long did you have before the
Warehouse was going to explode?

Under a minute.
More like 30 seconds.

That's lucky.
I once got there with 17.

And her voice gets
really annoying

when she's counting down
seconds one at a time.

You didn't lose that thing I had
made for you, did you? That...

Oh, no.

Great. That's good.
It survived. Yay!

Wait, are we not
in trouble?

You guys had it
under control, right?

That we did, amigo.
That we did.

All right.
I don't know about you guys,

but I'm starving.
Who wants Mexican?

Uh, I do. Need tacos stat.

Artie?
No, I had pie.

Well, I almost had pie.
But go, go, go, enjoy yourselves.

Enjoy yourselves.
Now I want pie.

You always want pie.
Who doesn't want pie?

Maybe just bring me
one taco.

Whatever.

And rest up

because you are
going to need it.

Previously on
Warehouse 13...

Whoever stole the sword has other
things that belong in the Warehouse,

which would mean
that we have competition.

Lattimer and Bering, right?

They're so raw, so
untrained, so corruptible.

What about your folks?

Colorado Springs.

They own a bookstore
called Bering & Sons.

Well, they must be
proud of you.

You ever see that movie
The Great Santini?

With the tough dad
and the scared kids?

It's like that, huh?

Yeah, except it wasn't
over in two hours.

Yeah, just up
the street. He's open.

Oh, my.

Myka?

Artie, I'm here,

in MacPherson's apartment.

Myka, be careful.

MacPherson's gone.
It's another dead end.

Found him.

Pete's having
better luck in Montreal.

How much better?

MacPherson's headed east
on Sainte-Catherine!

Artie,
I've got the cops on me.

I'll get rid of the cops.
You just stay on MacPherson.

There's an alley on the right.
He's heading for the subway.

We got him, Artie.

Be careful, Pete.
We do not know if he has them.

Artie.

Give it up, MacPherson.
We win this one.

Artie, he has the cymbals.
He has the cymbals.

Pete, you got to get out of there.
Just get out of there.

If you see the cymbals,
cover your...

Pete, Artie, what happened?
Is everything okay?

Pete?

Pete, can you hear me? Pete!

Nevermore.

Pete, Pete.
Pete, you got to get up.

Mom, I'm up.
And I won't be late.

I'm okay.
I managed to cover my ears.

Where is he
Where's MacPherson?

He's gone, Artie.

I lost him.

I lost MacPherson.

Hey, Mom, listen, I'm busy right now.
I can't really...

Myka, it's your father.

He started feeling bad,
and I...

What?

Just come on home.
Just come back. Just come home.

We got to wrap it up.

Artie,
I need to go home.

I'm going home.
My father's dying.

Dude.

Does Tamara know
you're stalking her,

or is this just
for makeup tips?

Give it back, Greg.

Boo-hoo, baby.

Yeah, I don't know, Leena.
It's complicated.

MacPherson put decoys and bogus
informational breadcrumbs...

Put them all over the world.

And my software narrowed
them down to two locations,

and Montreal turned out to be,
you know, the one that was...

Did you say you
wanted no ice in your...

God, don't do that.

Mrs. Frederic,
what did you do with Leena?

Sorry, would you care
for a... No.

You're here because you
want to know what happened.

Two policemen dead, Arthur.
I know what happened.

The Montreal police have a
dashboard camera in the car.

But I told Pete to...
He had the recording...

How did you...
Please.

Look,
we were following a lead.

You took a shot in the dark.

We hit
the center of that target.

With a small caliber bullet.

Pete's caliber is very large.
We...

You know what?
I'm done with this analogy.

We had an agreement.

You were supposed to
gather information.

I know.

Bring it to me.
Yeah.

And we would plan
to get MacPherson together.

You had no
offensive strategy,

no defensive posture,
no containment plan.

You were not prepared.

Where's Lattimer and Bering?

Out.

Manage my assets better,

or I swear on the ashes of
the first twelve Warehouses,

I will take them away.

I can get MacPherson again.

I don't doubt it.

And you make no moves against him
without consulting me first.

Yes, ma'am. Do you have...

How does she do that?

All right, everyone.

Please close your booklets,
ladies and gentlemen.

Tamara, can you
gather them up, please?

Okey-doke. John
Steinbeck's East of Eden.

Betrayal, lost love,
jealousy. Good stuff.

Please read the first 50 pages

for discussion tomorrow,
if you would.

Have a good one.

Bobby,
can you come here for a sec?

You okay?
You seem a little distracted.

Computer lab thing. Up late.

Did you talk to her yet?

I've got something for you.

"So with the world
thy gentle ways Thy grace..."

Thanks, Tamara.

No problem.

Poetry. Burns, Blake, Byron.
That's just the B's.

Let them do
the talking for you.

Good luck.

Mom. Mom? Mom.

Myka, hi. Hi.

Your cell phone isn't working,
and I tried calling, but...

The battery died.
Where is he?

He's fine.
Don't worry. He's upstairs.

Why don't you go
up and see him?

Sorry I scared you,
but he's fine now.

Hey.
Hey.

Yep. A wasted trip, kiddo.

You bring a gun in here?

Yeah. It's packed downstairs,
disassembled.

I thought you were in the hospital.
I thought you were dying.

Your mother overreacted.
I'm fine.

It's not a stroke?

No, no, no. Not a stroke.

No,
we've got a few more tests,

but, oh, God, you should
have heard him screaming.

I didn't scream.
I've never screamed in my life.

Do you remember
what happened?

No, I don't remember anything

except waking up
in the ambulance

wondering what
the fuss was all about.

Jeannie,
get the girl some food.

Mom, I'm not hungry.

That's because you've starved
your hunger nerve to death.

The doctors said
it might be a virus.

You're too skinny.

An inner ear or
a spinal inflammation.

They've got him on steroids
and an anti-viral.

Mrs. B.

Okay, I am gonna need this recipe.
The hot sauce is killer.

Great. You've got some...

Look at you.

Sorry.

What are you...

We've met Pete.

He's a pip.

Just got here.
Met your dad.

Are these yours?
I found them in the kitchen.

Yeah. I'm so sorry.
They're for collecting evidence. I'm sorry.

What are you doing here?
Well,

I thought you
might need the support.

Artie disagreed
but was overruled.

By who?

By me, the pip.

Well,
I don't need any support.

Miss Independent,
me, neither.

Seriously, Dad, I've been
here for like what, a minute?

Miss Touchy, too.

Oh, please, Warren.

I've got to go
down to the basement.

Eat something.

I'm not hungry.

Well, I'm going to get
that guest room ready.

And for your bed, I've got some new
flannel sheets I got at Dodi's.

No, no, no.
You are my guests.

It's my house.
You're my guests.

Wow.

What about work?

Well, work vanished
and until it reappears,

I'm here as a friend in this
hopefully not-too-stressful time.

I mean, it could have been worse, right?
Your dad.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

And you're right,
it could have been worse.

Hey, wait.
Wait, Myka. Myka. Myka.

Yeah.

I was talking to your dad.
He thinks you're still in D.C. They both do.

Well, yeah, and if you
tell them any differently,

I swear I will drop a
dictionary on your crotch.

What? I'm supposed to tell
them that I'm working

for the world's most
dangerous Antiques Roadshow?

No, you tell them the truth,
or at least part of the truth.

I don't know,
something to cut the stress.

I'm not stressed.

You're lying to them.

It's a force of habit,
you know?

It keeps my dad from
being disappointed.

You have hot sauce
all over your face.

"...
beauty Shall be an endless theme of praise

"and love"

"...gently
To sleep on her breast

"Deeply to sleep From the
heaven of her breast"

"...
tenderly kissed me She fondly caressed

"and then I fell gently..."

Dad!

Mom!

Myka, get back.

Watch your eyes.

Warren. Warren.
What happened?

What happened is your
dad's got an artifact.

Myka! Myka! Hey!

Where's the notebook?
It's this way.

Myka.
Mom, it's okay.

Myka, who is it? Is she...

This is Claudia.
We work with her.

What's that?

That is...

Claudia, back here.

That's for me.

No, you wait just a minute.
I want some answers, Myka.

Now, first of all, who's
the man in the little TV?

His name is Artie.

And is he a doctor?
No. But...

No. Your father
belongs in a hospital.

This isn't medical.

Mom, this is something else.

And how do you know? You're not a doctor.
You protect the President.

Not anymore.

I'm still with the government,
but I am doing this now.

What? What are you doing?

I'm trying to help Dad, Mom,
so just let me do that.

Trust me, please.

You ready?
Yeah.

Mom, just stay here.
Whatever you see or hear, just stay put.

But...
Just don't move.

Do you...

It'll be okay. They do this kind
of stuff all the time, so...

Claudia.
I got to...

What's going on?

They're really good at this.

Here it is.

Kill it.

Duck and cover.

What's happening?

Mom, how's Dad?

He's the same.

Why? Was something
supposed to happen?

Check his arms.

It's still there.

It's ink.

Ink. Take it out.

Now what?

The neutralizer failed because
I think we're dealing

with a bifurcated object.

It's got at least two parts, and
they're each dependent on the other.

And that notebook is
just one half of the package.

So what's the other half?

You know, based on the
manifestations of the ink,

then that would tell me
that it's a pen.

Most...
Well, a pen. Anyway...

By the way, the shipper's address?
That's completely phony.

MacPherson sent it,
didn't he?

I don't know that.

So what? He's coming
after family now?

What does he want?

Well, he wants to hurt us
because we're going after him.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Just stop it.

We don't know who sent it or why.
If it is MacPherson,

it could be revenge,
or mischief,

or a diversion so
that we're doing this

while he's doing
something else.

Just in case,
just to be safe, I've...

I'm circling the wagons around
Joshua and around Pete's family.

Who or why does not matter.

What matters is your father
and the notebook.

Now. Now, listen, I've analyzed the text.
It ain't good. It's Poe.

Edgar Allan Poe.

The reason that the book is
getting under your father's skin

is because
the pen is not with it.

So, what? We bring the pen
together with the notebook,

and this all stops?

Yeah.

Well, probably if it follows a typical
bifurcated artifact scenario.

It can't be an accident that this
book found its way to your dad.

Look, Myka, right now
your father is a conduit.

The notebook, the pen, they're
linked through his energy,

through his love
of the written word.

So where is this pen?

Well, I'm searching for
coinciding incidents right now.

You know,
I've got all the filters off.

But it's causing
trouble somewhere.

But I'll find it.
You'll get it.

The next time
he has an attack,

I'll trace the pen,
you'll retrieve it

and reunite it
with the notebook.

How long does he have?

I don't know what you're...
How long do we have... What?

How long does he have, Artie?
My father can't take this much longer.

A day, maybe two.

But you can help him.

Until I land on something,
Myka,

just surround him
with his books,

with his world,
and read to him, Myka.

Read to him
books that he loves,

and use those words to fight
what's happening to him.

And just try and keep him
connected to reality if you can.

Bobby's not that bad.

Look, all I'm saying
is watch out.

Geek love. Ugh.

"I might have been improved
for my whole life.

"I might have been made another
creature perhaps, for life,

"by a kind word
at that season."

Do you want me
to take over?

No. No, I'm fine.

He's gonna be okay, Mom.

I'll be back in a sec.
I'm just gonna take these dishes.

The freak's probably swiped your
panties from gym class or something.

Gross.

Tiger.

Dad?

Tiger.

Stop it.

Fire.

Dad?
Fire!

Dad.

Help! Somebody get some help!

Artie's got something.

What?

At the precise moment your
dad was shouting, "Fire,"

a kid in Portland, Oregon was burned
by some bizarre wall of flame

shooting from his locker.
No one can explain it.

Well, what about
the "tiger" thing?

Kid's a football star
for the Kingford Tigers.

Let's go.

Wait, Myka,
I need you to stay here.

I have to help my dad, Pete.

I know, but we've got two artifacts.
He's connected to one.

I need you to stay on the notebook.
I'll take care of the pen.

Myka, look at me.

No one can help your dad
right now more than you can.

I can't let you go alone.

I'll take Claudia.

Keep her safe.

Yeah.

There's something else.

What?

I think I'm hot for your mom.

I'll break it to Dad.

Okay.

I needed
to speak with you, Bobby.

Is everything okay?
Is the poetry inspiring you?

Not so much.

You know, it seems we had a little
burglary here the other day.

The story is that it was one of the
pens that Edgar Allan Poe used.

Oh, he used it.

I noticed that you were
fascinated with the pen.

Are you saying I took it?

You saying I took it?

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna
go to the lounge for a soda,

and if the pen should
show up while I'm gone,

well, we'll just chalk it up to
something strange and mysterious.

Back in a bit.

Mr. Ives. Mr. Ives.

No.

Here.

Wall? Wall? Wall what?

You.

No.

The young man's
burns weren't serious,

but they've kept him
out of football practice.

He does have a reputation
for scaring people.

Really Does he like horror
novels, Stephen King, Lovecraft, Poe?

You're assuming the boy reads.
No, he's just a bully.

Look, I mean,
how big a deal is this?

I mean, the school's got a
reputation to maintain,

and if it gets out that the
government is investigating

a teenage prank,

it'll put a lot
of parents off.

You mean donors?

Why do you think
it's just a prank?

Well, we're not schooling
little terrorists here.

Somebody in the science class got
tired of Permut picking on them

and gave him a hot foot.

Oh, yeah?
How's he doing?

He's fine.
You want this open?

No, we'll take it from here.

You'll want to
step back, please.

Why? It's not dangerous.

Please.

Thank you.

Okay.

You ready?

Why not?

Okay, we're in business.
Here we go.

So,
you had any other incidents?

With what? Fire?

Well, anything strange,
say a tell-tale heart, perhaps?

What?

Here we go.
Got to love Artie.

What's that?

You don't happen to have Edgar Allan
Poe's pen lying around, would you?

Well, actually...

Yes?

Mr. Ives' classroom.
He likes to collect items from famous people.

The pen is here, then?

Well, was. Got stolen.

This last one
was the worst.

I know.

Dad?

If you'd been a boy,
I'd have called you Sue.

What?

Johnny Cash. It's a song.

A Boy Named Sue.

Okay.

Make you tough.

Well,
I'm sorry I wasn't a boy.

I'm sorry I wasn't a father.

He has regrets.

About me?

Yes. About his life.

What do you mean?

He wanted to write books.

I know.

I know that he
wanted to write books.

Did you know
he wrote a novel?

No.

Twelve times.
Over and over again.

Unpublished.
He loved it too much to let it go.

He was afraid.

Where is it?

A long time ago, when he finally
gave up, he told me to burn it.

He hasn't
written a thing since.

Come on, Pete.

Mr. Ives? Hello?

Nice place for a pen.
Soaking up all that Poe juice.

Wow.

Do you know that ravens
are actually brilliant?

They've adapted to humans
like rats and cockroaches.

They figured out
how to figure us out.

What?

Me.

Hear anything?

Just the beating
of my hideous...

Stop it.
Okay.

Listen.

What is that?

A rat in the wall?

Short story.
Guy walled up.

Cask of Amontillado.
Of Amontillado.

Here, take it off there.

I don't want avian flu.

Take it!
All right.

Mr. Ives?

Who did this to you?

Bobby. Find him. Stop him.

Bobby, not cool.

Myka,
something's wrong.

Artie, I need help.

What's this?

A poem.
I wrote it for you.

I got to go.

We're losing him.

Myka, just read to him.

Read it.

I have read. I've read him everything, okay?
It's not working.

You have to find
the words that he loves.

You just have to
find a book that means

more to him than
anything in the world.

Mom, tell me
you didn't burn it.

What?
Dad's book.

Aunt Cindy's bureau,
the bottom drawer.

Okay, so Ives said that Bobby had a crush on...
What's her name?

Tamara.

Tamara. Right.
There's always a girl.

What? Don't blame her. Blame testosterone.
Crazy, crazy man hormone.

I'm not blaming the girl.
I'm blaming Poe.

Bobby?

Crazy, scary man hormone.

Check out
Miss Teenage Zombie.

Oh, right.

Bobby and...

Tamara.

Tamara, was it? Right?

That's a nice pen, Bobby.
Why don't you give it up, huh?

Come on, give it here.

You've got to be
kidding me.

Bobby!

I got it.

Bobby,
you've got to stop this.

I know you're all full of Poe
up to your creepy eyeballs,

and "Nevermore"
and crap, but...

But this isn't fiction.
It's real!

This is the most real I have
ever felt in my entire life.

"The Blue Willow Sky by Warren Bering.
Chapter One.

"When the girl was born,
his first thought was fear."

It's beautiful.

Bobby, you're a good person,
but you're hurting people.

You're hurting yourself
and you're hurting Tamara,

and it has to stop.

People like you
don't see me.

You don't believe in me.

People like you need to
be shocked into seeing.

You need to be horrified.
Then you'll understand.

Understand what, Bobby?
Tell me what.

That words have power.

"For her. For his daughter.
She was his life."

But this isn't fiction.
It's real! It's real!

"She was his life.
His only job now was keeping her safe.

"She was his life."

It's working, Myka.

Words have power.

Something's happening.

Go, go! Claudia,
get the pen.

Who are you? What...

One second. Nice, Claud.
Here's the bag.

Get him to a hospital.
This still has a hold on him.

And Myka's dad.

Myka, I got it. Hey.

Hey.

How is he?
Is that it?

That's it.

Well, he's not worse,
but he's not better,

not completely.

His strength is
the only thing

that's keeping that pen
from flipping completely out.

Okay,
the notebook's in place.

Good. Take the pen,
keep it in the bag,

and just, you know,
approach the notebook.

I'm on it.

Be careful!

I am.
Would you stop yelling at me?

God, somebody turn down
his volume or something.

Okay, now what?

You know, put the bag
right over the notebook,

turn it upside down,

dump the pen out.
Make sure it lands

on the notebook
and stays there.

That's it?
Just dump it out?

Yeah.

Just lay it on the notebook?

Yeah,
this isn't Cirque du Soleil.

Just dump the pen on the book
and stand back.

All right.

Artie, nothing's happening.

That's okay.
It's all right. It's fine.

It's been a while since
they've been together.

Probably they're just
getting reacquainted.

Whoa, wait, whoa, whoa.

Dad?

What's this?

Hi.

Did I doze off?

Um...

Sort of.

I was dreaming.
You were reading, and...

You didn't burn it.

No.

I did.

Okay, well,
I think I've got everything.

- Honey.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know what it is
you do for a living,

but you do it very well.

I mean that.

I'll see you soon,
and we'll talk.

We'll talk about something
other than books.

Oh, Mom.

Bye, honey.
Thank you so much.

And you take care of Pete.

I always do.

Hello.
Hello.

Got everything?

Yeah.

Called the cab?

No.

No, no. No, I didn't.

I think, Mr. Poe,
that when your things arrive,

we'll stick them in...

Yeah. Madrid Section.
That is, if Leena agrees.

Arthur.

Pete and Myka are
in Colorado Springs.

Yeah, I know.
I should have tried...

And so is MacPherson.

What? How did he...

He was there the whole time.

He had us all distracted.

I think that was
MacPherson's intent.

I'll take the Farnsworth.

Good choice.

Hey, Artie.
We're heading home.

Myka. Myka, listen. Myka!

That was weird.

Hold on.
Vibe?

Huge. Your dad.

What?

Is this Poe?
Are we back into the Poe thing again?

I don't know.

You two are good.

I see why
Mrs. Frederic drafted you.

I kill this, and it's
lights out for Mom and Dad.

You hurt my father.

He glimpsed the mind of one of the
greatest authors in the world.

He'll thank me later.

You'll be dead later.

What do you want?

I want what you
risked your lives to get.

I'd have done it myself,
but I lack the means.

You have until
the count of one.

You came after family.

Arthur started it.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Ask him.

Pete.

Now let them go.

Do it.

Thank you.

Consider it a loan.

What the hell was that?

Jack the Ripper's lantern.

At least we know
where that is now.

He used us from
the very beginning.

No, he used me.

Previously on
Warehouse 13...

Claudia Donovan, Warehouse
13, next generation.

Don't you want to be
with people your own age?

Artie, I'm not my own age.

This place is my home.

MacPherson's headed east
on Sainte-Catherine!

I want what you
risked your lives to get.

I can get MacPherson again.

I don't doubt it.

You came after family.

Arthur started it.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Ask him.

Don't quote Warehouse dogma to me, Arthur.
A woman's life is at stake.

Many peoples' lives are at stake.
And you made an oath.

I love her,
and I'm going in there.

And you love her.
I know that you love her, too.

Then you know how
agonizing this is for me.

We can save her life.

What about the consequences?
She lives, other people die.

You want that on your head?
You can't play God.

Well, neither can you.
Neither you nor Frederic nor the Regents.

They sit there, Arthur, and they hoard
the things that can save the world.

We help them. Well, not anymore.
I'm finished with it.

Now, give me that.

No. No, I can't.
Give me that.

Arthur.

Arthur.

Five
firemen died that night.

Only the woman survived.

Who was she?

Carol Augustine. She lives in D.C.
Now. Alone, as far as we know.

And she was
MacPherson's wife?

Yes.

Did they ever nail the
murdering son of a...

MacPherson was given five
consecutive life sentences

and banished
from the Warehouse.

So obviously,
MacPherson escaped.

After serving two
years in confinement,

there was an unexplained
explosion in the prison.

Dozens were killed.

We were told that
MacPherson was among them.

We were misinformed.

Well, then he shows up at the
Japanese embassy in D.C.

Yes, and we've had Carol under
surveillance ever since.

I've been monitoring
the D.C. Operation,

and he hasn't
made any contact.

No, he went after
my family instead.

I can understand why
Artie's obsessed with him.

Well, this guy has no trouble
killing anybody, does he?

As you go after him, you'll
do well to remember that.

Come on.

So how do you banish somebody
from the Warehouse, anyway?

It sounds very Romeo and Juliet.
No, no, no, no.

There's nothing romantic about it.
The walls of this Warehouse

are infused with this very
rare mineral called Painite.

Before MacPherson
was incarcerated,

he was permanently injected with a
substance that reacts violently

when in proximity
of this Painite.

Violently?
Mmm-hmm.

Could you be a tad more
specific with your modifiers?

I could.

If MacPherson were to
enter this Warehouse,

then his blood
would turn acidic

and immediately eat
through his own veins.

Dude.
Indeed.

Where are you, by the way?
Already through the Middle East,

heading into North Africa.
I'll find him.

Yeah.
It's what I does.

Well, you may have
met your match

when it comes to hacking
through with MacPherson.

Oh, yes. Who the best?
What? What?

You got a nibble?
A chomp.

What?
Edgar Allan Poe's pen...

Let me see.
...for sale.

No. Let me see.
Excuse me. Uh-huh.

Collection? Why would he
be selling artifacts if...

Don't...
Don't click that!

Um...

I always run a virus scan
before I enter an unknown site.

That's a good idea.
So, yeah.

No. No, no, no, no.
You do not shut down the Claudi-o-meter.

Terribly,
terribly sorry.

Life in the cyber world, bro.
I'm going to need a sec.

You know, you could try...
Touch it and die.

Thank you
for waiting, gentlemen.

Mr. Freitag, I feel
that this may be of

particular
interest to you.

What exactly does this do,
Mr. MacPherson?

Run your fingers
along the rim.

Consider it a gift, a
taste of things to come.

Mr. MacPherson, what other
artifacts will be for sale?

Mr.Pak, already greedy for more, I see.

Well, I am in the process of
collecting others as we speak,

but in the meantime,
behold the Phoenix.

This is the reason why
we're here in my factory,

this demonstration.

Very perceptive,
Mr. Freitag.

Yes, I didn't think that cautious
gentlemen such as yourselves

would want to spend this kind
of money on hearsay or legend.

You would be correct.

Carson, would you just
hold this for a moment?

Thank you.

What are you doing, man?
He'll die in there!

Patience! Patience.

Patience.

Yes. There.

As you see, in the right hands,
this can be uniquely useful.

What is it
What's wrong with them?

Cause and effect, gentlemen,
cause and effect.

Even anomalies are bound
by their own laws of nature.

Insignificant
collateral damage,

but appropriate
for a demonstration.

Mr. MacPherson,
make it stop.

It cannot be stopped.

For every life the Phoenix
saves, others will be lost.

Those who touch the Phoenix,
they will be spared,

but others are
less fortunate.

You dare to do this
in my factory?

A demonstration,
Mr. Freitag.

If you haven't
the stomach for it,

perhaps the Phoenix
is not for you.

Gentlemen, imagine this tool in the
hands of one of your patriots.

The commitment
of a suicide bomber

who never, ever dies.

I managed to crash the
computer system, so I'm sorry.

Until we're up and running,
deaf, dumb and blind.

Don't worry. I'll get us back online.
A girl loves a challenge.

Oh! It's just great.

The fate of the Warehouse in the
hands of a 16-year-old kid.

Okay, 19.
Nineteen.

And the same kid
who found you

and hacked into
super-Secretville once already.

Okay? A little
faith, please.

Why is he selling the pen?

I mean, God knows what else he's got.
What is he up to?

Okay, let's go over what we don't know.
That could take weeks.

Months. Hmm.
Years. Hmm.

Look, Artie, you must
have forgotten something.

You know MacPherson
better than anybody.

There must be some small
detail that you've overlooked.

Yeah, something insignificant,
a contact he might have used,

a favorite place, a relative that
you might have forgotten about.

You two are, what,
interrogating me?

They're investigating.
That's why we hired them, is it not?

Um, so, about Carol...

How do you know
about Carol?

What did... What...
You told them?

Everything?

No, of course you did.
Of course you did.

No wonder I'm getting
the third degree.

You think you might have asked me
before you just blurted out...

Agent Nielsen!

You're forgetting yourself.

Arthur, no one knows what he's
capable of better than you

except, possibly, me.

Bering and Lattimer will need to know
everything if they're to survive this.

Everything.

Yeah, sorry.
You're right.

It's just that I never should have
gone to see Carol in the first place.

When MacPherson went to D.C.
And the years had just twisted his thinking,

I just didn't know if I was
putting her life in danger.

The three of you
need to speak to her.

No. No, no, no.

I've already put enough of
a spotlight on that woman.

We've got no
choice, Arthur.

She's our only lead.

Dude, don't sweat it.
I'll cover it from here.

After being magnetized to the ceiling

and nearly ground up in the
Gooery, I think I'm prepped.

What? Why are you shaking
your jowls at me?

You should all
get going.

I'll stay with Claudia, and she
will brief me on those two events.

No matter what he said,
you're not safe.

I haven't seen James
MacPherson in 15 years.

I never even
visited him in prison.

Well, that's hard to believe
since he saved your life.

Others died that
night in my place.

I wouldn't have
made that choice.

And I've never forgiven
James for making it for me.

Artie knows that.

You like fresh-cut flowers.
I beg your pardon?

They're all around
the apartment.

Well, as you said, I like them.
Mmm-hmm.

There's a jewelry box in the
trash with some wrapping paper.

I had a birthday.
Your birthday's in four months.

We're very good
at the Google.

There's two umbrellas behind me.
One's pink, one's black.

Was it raining three days ago?
I think it was.

He's not the man you think he is.
Carol.

He's changed.
Carol, listen to me.

I would like to protect you from whatever
the hell it is he's planning to do.

God, you come barging in
here, disrupting my life.

He's only been
here a few times.

When was the last?

Three days ago.

Well, it's easy to understand how
you would have forgotten that.

What's this?
I have no idea.

Let me see that.

This is an
Egyptian symbol.

It's a was scepter.
Represents power.

The deities used to carry this
around as a sign of their control

over the forces of chaos.

It's funny.

It's the same as the pendant
you're wearing around your neck.

Oh. Let me see that.
That's very nice.

It's from James?
Yes.

You know I have to
ask you for it, Carol.

Amazing.

You think working in some
magical storage unit

gives you the right
to do as you please.

Stop protecting him.

I never
could decide.

Does Mrs. Frederic
hire arrogant people,

or do you just get
arrogant by working there?

What is it?
I got a really bad feeling.

About what?

I think it's
about Artie.

I think...
I think he's going to...

Never mind.
It's gone now.

"6166 Broadview.
" Ironically, the warehouse district.

We're up and running.
Taking her to warp speed, Captain.

Okay, so you think you can
hack into MacPherson's site?

Well, yeah, duh.
But major firewall-age.

I mean, you get past one, and
there's another one set up right...

Claudia? Claudia,
what's wrong?

Who's that?

That's him.

That's James MacPherson?

Claudia...
Leena,

I know him.

How?

He was Joshua's
physics professor.

I mean, I was just a kid,
but I remember that face.

He was the one who gave
Joshua Rheticus' compass.

He contacted me.

What? When?

Eight months ago.
I was tracking Artie,

trying to find this
place and I hit a snag.

And, out of the blue, I hear
from Professor Reynolds, right?

He friends me.
We e-mail back and forth.

"How's Joshua?"
Blah, blah, blah.

I fill him in, tell
him about my project,

and he suggests a few
ways around the firewall.

The Warehouse firewall?

Leena, I think
James MacPherson

helped me hack
into the Warehouse.

Tool and Die factory.

Why "Tool and Die"?
What is he doing?

I don't know.
Maybe he's got a new career.

He doesn't exactly strike
me as the blue-collar type.

All right, this is a German machine, I think.
I think they all are.

Why would he go to the trouble...
Can I help you?

We're not open
to the public.

We're looking for
James MacPherson.

There's no one here
by that name.

Do you know him?
Who are you?

Secret Service.
We're going to need to look around.

Yes, well, by all means,
make yourself at home.

I hear a loud buzzing.
Can you hear it, too?

I can read your lips, but I can't
hear anything you're saying.

I can't hear anything!
I can't hear.

I can't hear you.

What is going on?
What the hell is going on?

What are you doing?

Okay. All right. Just...

There. You can hear me?

Yeah.
Yes? Yes. All right.

God.
Artie, what was that Okay?

That was the
Goblet of Severan.

A Goblet of Severan because, obviously,
the Goblet's in the Warehouse,

so there must have been
another one that survived.

Well, I bet I can
guess what it does.

Right? Pete, here, put
this glass in your pocket.

This was designed by a
Roman glassblower in 221

for the Emperor Elagabalus, who was a
ridiculously incompetent young man.

The only way he could get a room
quiet was by using this thing.

It emitted a high-pitched sound and
brought everyone to their knees.

I could have used one of
those in high school.

Indeed.
All right, so why don't we just... Let me...

This has that
Egyptian symbol on it.

The was scepter?
Yes.

Maybe Carol's...

Like

this.

And now it opens.

Always interesting.

Hold this.

Oh. Hmm.

The Phoenix.

What
What?

It's the Phoenix.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Here, here, let me see. Let me see.
I look great in glasses.

Oh, my...
That is amazing.

What
What is that?

"Starting bid, $20 million.
" It says that?

Yeah, it's
like a catalogue.

But the Phoenix is
in the Warehouse.

He's selling it?
$20 million, and that's just the starting.

No, he can't have it.
It's in the Warehouse.

That doesn't make any sense.
Why would he sell it?

I mean, he's not doing
this for the money.

Yeah, what kind of
a villain would...

Listen to me.

The Phoenix is in the Warehouse.
He doesn't have it.

Well, but even if
he did have it, right,

he's not doing this
for the money.

No, he's not doing it
for the money.

He's doing it for another reason.
I just don't know why.

Here, check it.

This is too easy.
He wants us to find these things.

Exactly. Which is what's making me very,
very nervous about following this lead,

and making me very nervous about
dragging the two of you with me.

No, no, no, no, Artie.
No, don't even worry about that.

We can actually go...
All right, fine.

Yes, now, obviously
it's a trap of some sort,

but he would know
that I know it's a trap.

So what is he planning,
knowing that I know he knows?

Guys, this...

This has the date,
time and address

of the auction,
and it's today.

The auction is today.

Is she certain?

She claims that MacPherson
was posing as Joshua's professor.

That's how he made
his initial contact.

She's very upset.
Where is she now?

At the B&B. Your bodyguard's
keeping an eye on her.

What is it?

I've just always felt
that she was out of tune.

Something hovering.
I just could never tell what exactly.

This is troubling.

Do you think that he could
still be using her somehow?

Yes?

MacPherson claims
to have the Phoenix.

The Phoenix is
in the Warehouse.

I know.

I'll get back to you.

Now I'm getting angry.

I told him
the Phoenix was gone.

He was genuinely surprised
and distraught,

and then he told me about
the Goblet of Severan.

Well, here it is,
safe and sound.

Open it, please.

Okay.

That's not possible.

He can't possibly have access
to Warehouse things unless...

Yes. These new video displays
record access, do they not?

Hang on.

There's my access
of just a few moments ago.

Let me just toggle back
to see the last person.

MacPherson certainly knows
how to pick his spots.

Mrs. Frederic.
Go ahead, I'll catch up.

I feel like Custer walking
into Little Bighorn.

If he wanted us dead, he's
had several opportunities.

This? This is about
something else.

All right. Well, what?

Okay, this is the place. This is the time.
There's nothing here.

Hey, guys, the Phoenix
and the Goblet of Severan,

Mrs. Frederic says they've
been taken from the Warehouse.

And she seemed shaken.

Mrs. Frederic seemed shaken?
Yeah.

That is so
not comforting.

Oh, great. Great.
So what do we do now?

Just wait for MacPherson
to drop a net on us?

If he's ahead of us,
we can't see him.

We're going to have to follow the
trail he leaves until we can see him.

And we watch
each other's backs.

What?

Good afternoon.
Huh.

Do you see that?

Did the boy cause this?

Artie. Artie, you still
got those glasses?

Good idea.
You know, I think I may...

Oh, I thought I knew
what these were.

This is...
But they're not the originals.

He replicated Timothy
Leary's reading glasses.

But why?
Check these out.

The guy who
gave us LSD?

Yeah, Dr. Leary experimented with a
lot of different ways to see beyond

what our brains are
capable of seeing.

Okay, can I see
those, please?

You know, the originals,
when you put them on,

you never want
to take them off.

Tell me about it.

Artie?
Yeah.

That wooden box, can I see that?
Thank you.

Fancy.

James always did have a flair
for the dramatic.

Ladies first.
What?

Uh...

Yeah, age
before beauty.

What? He's
older than me.

He's older than both
of us put together.

All right, shut up.

Hold that. Children.
I'm working with children.

Hand that to me.

Be careful.
Here.

Okay, don't tilt it.
I've got my lunch in there.

Lower. Okay, I got it.

These are
Warehouse 13 crates.

Okay, it's
really bad again.

What is
Your vibe? Yeah.

About...
Yes.

Well, when did
you get it again?

As soon as we walked in here.
It just kicked me in the gut.

Well, are you sure?

Yeah, that's why
I'm telling you.

Yeah, but you
can't tell him

unless you're positive.
Okay, okay, stop. Stop.

What are you talking about?
What vibe? About me?

Yeah.
What about me?

Look, I don't know.
Artie, man, I hate this.

Just tell me exactly what you're feeling.
It's nothing.

I mean,
I don't know yet.

Look, Artie, all I know is
I've got a really bad feeling

in the pit of
my stomach.

When you get a really specific
feeling, just let me know, will you?

You'll be the first.

Okay, look, down here.

See?
Yeah.

I'm going to go down there alone.
Yes.

And I want you guys to
go back around that way.

I think it meets up
around the other side.

No, no, no. No, Artie.
Artie. Artie, no.

We shouldn't split up.

Look, if he really is
planning an ambush,

don't you think it's best that
we're not all caught up in it?

He does have a point.
He has a point.

Artie.

Keep your Tesla handy.

I'm fine. Go.

I don't want to tell you
anything more about it, gentlemen,

because I prefer not to have any
competition in the bidding.

But it is all true.

We were there.

Everything Mr.
MacPherson talked about...

I've seen it
with my own eyes.

In the ashes, to survive
the blast of a furnace.

And seeing truly is believing,
wouldn't you say, gentlemen?

Thank you all so much
for joining me here today.

Mr. Pak, how are your
ears? A little better?

How's your vibe now?

Not good. Not good.

As Mr. MacPherson
has told you all...

What's he doing?
I don't know.

The price of
this particular item

is starting at
20 million U.S. Currency.

Okay, possibilities.

Artie knocked MacPherson out and
is pretending to take his place.

Yeah, but they knew him.
They called him Mr. Nielsen.

No, MacPherson has some kind
of mind control over Artie.

Well, that's a strange way to use it.
Well...

Okay, Pete,

what if Artie's trading in 30 years
at the Warehouse for $20 million?

Or... Snap.
What?

Artie is MacPherson.

Uh, no, come on.
You don't actually believe that, do you?

Hold it right
there, buddy.

Yeah, yeah.
Stay there until we figure this out.

Cut it out, you two.
That's not me. I'm me.

Well, how are we
supposed to know that?

Look.

Security cameras. So?

He's setting me up.

I mean, he tried to do it a few
weeks ago with the Honjo Masamune.

You don't remember?

He went after the sword,
plus he dug up my past.

I was arrested
for treason.

This time, he's going
to make sure it sticks.

And that must be why Mrs.
Frederic sounded so strange.

So, what, did he go out and
get an Artie suit? Huh?

How do we know that you're not
him pretending to be you?

The Thimble.

You really did read the
whole manual, didn't you?

I did.
What thimble?

Harriet Tubman's Thimble.

She wore it as she stitched the
rags of her fellow slaves.

It became imbued with her
dream of a better life,

and it developed properties of light
refraction so that people saw an image

different from the image of the
person wearing the thimble.

It came in very handy for the Underground
Railroad during the Civil War.

All right, well, let's
just go in and blast them.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, he's expecting that.

Well, what's
he not expecting?

This... I didn't...

No. No,
there's no way.

There's absolutely no...
Claudia. Claudia.

Leena, Mrs. Frederic,
this place is my home.

I would never do anything to hurt
any of you, least of all Artie.

We know you wouldn't,
not on purpose.

What does that mean?

Do you think he put some kind of
bug in my brain or something?

There are any number of methods
to create sleeper agents.

Apparently, MacPherson has amassed

quite a collection of
Warehouse artifacts.

Then torture me!
You people do that.

You've got to have some kind of truth
serum laying around here somewhere.

Pump me full
of it. Read me.

Read my colors, tell my fortune,
whatever it is you do.

You can tell, right?

Yes, I can.

And I have. Claudia, I'm sorry,
but something is wrong.

Oh, my God. I'm like the freaking
Manchurian Candidate or something.

What the hell!
Let her go.

For the time being, it's best if
she weren't in the Warehouse.

What if she disappears?
She's being watched.

I have never seen her
this upset before.

That's what made James
such an excellent agent.

He'd get inside your head,
throw you off your game.

Just when you thought you had
the upper hand, he'd strike.

$48 million
going once, going twice...

Sold for $48 million
to Mr. Pak.

And when I get confirmation that
the money is in our account,

then the Phoenix
will be yours.

Wrong again, Arthur.

Remember these?

Gentlemen, this
next item is something

that we went through a great
deal of trouble to acquire.

Edgar Allan Poe's
notebook and his pen.

Together, they give their
owner the unique ability

to make what they
write actually happen.

What is that? It's a fire alarm.
We must get out of here.

There's no need to panic.
Mr. Nielsen,

I'd rather not be here
when the authorities arrive.

Excellent point.

Next time, Mr. Nielsen.
Gentlemen, you don't...

Federal agents!
Don't bother.

I'm sorry you went to all that
trouble getting Poe's pen.

I guess you wasted your
time attacking my family.

Okay, pal, time for you
to finally get yours.

Just don't kill him.

He's an excellent bodyguard.
I'd hate to lose him.

Then who the hell...

James MacPherson,
you're under arrest.

Aren't you adorable?

You didn't really think it was
going to be that easy, did you?

Do you remember
our old friend Erik?

He made those wonderful
implosion grenades

which I demonstrated
for you a few weeks ago.

Before his untimely death, I had him
bring back yet another old favorite,

the Eggshell Bomb.

This time with
a pinch of promethium.

If the slightest pressure
cracks the shell,

it results in a small
nuclear reaction.

Small, but dazzling.

Carson.

Now, you two drop those
little toys of yours

Or Arthur will lose his footing.

Thank you.

Jaw getting tired, Arthur?
Won't be long now.

You were
a Warehouse agent.

What the hell
happened to you?

Fifteen years of exile.

And now I want to give Arthur back the
gift he gave me, but unfortunately,

you're going to be tried for
your crimes posthumously.

In your soul, you believe as I do.

That's the vibe
you've been feeling.

How do you know
what I'm feeling?

Because I know you,
Peter Lattimer,

better than you
know yourself.

I was you.

Shall I tell you the thought that
crosses your mind occasionally?

What if these artifacts really
do belong out in the world

instead of being locked up by
a gang of autocratic Regents

who see the universe through the
blindness of their own bureaucracy?

Walk out of here
with me now

and follow what you know
to be true in your soul.

That's a nice speech.
It sounds even better with the fancy accent.

But it still doesn't
cover the fact that

you are out of your gourd,
MacNuttypants.

You put a bomb
in a man's mouth.

Not really a great
recruiting tool.

Fair enough.

Well, I'll be saying
goodbye, then.

What, do you expect us to just
let you walk out of here?

No, no. I expect you to die while
you're trying to save Arthur.

And I'd say he's got
about 30 seconds.

Hey, Mac!

Good catch.

So we're never turning him
in to the government?

The government?
No, I don't think so.

He's already proven that
prisons can't hold him.

So then what happens to him?
I mean, we're not going to,

you know...
No, no, no, no.

Although he would happily kill all
of us without blinking an eye.

No, we don't
operate like that.

We'll put him in
the Bronze Sector.

Arthur, I'm honored.

Okay, look, I promise to read
the manual this weekend,

but what is
the Bronze Sector?

Actually, I don't remember
that being in the manual.

Bronze Sector,
children, is where

the most dangerous people
in history have been...

What's the generous phrase?
Preserved.

Yes, preserved.

People whose removal from
society had to be certain,

they're put in
the Bronze Sector.

Locked for all eternity
in Warehouse 13.

How poetic.

Even a twisted mind
can be an artifact.

Let's go.

Aren't you
forgetting something?

Not that
I can think of.

My blood. If I
remember correctly,

my veins will
burst upon entry.

I say we give it a try,
see what happens.

James, what a bittersweet
reunion. You've aged.

Mrs. Frederic, you haven't.
You must tell me your secret.

Perhaps on a warm
summer day over tea.

Perhaps not.

All this time
you've had them.

How simple.
I wish I'd thought of it.

What are those?

Crystalline diamonds
with a trace of palladium.

Palladium?
Yeah,

it neutralizes the
minerals in his blood.

So he doesn't
go kablooey.

Unfortunately.

Wow.

That is a load
off my mind.

Goodbye, James.

Yeah, let's go.
Let's go.

So why is the Bronze Sector
not in the manual?

No, no, no, it's far too dangerous
for there to be a written record.

If someone were
to find this place,

somehow reverse
the process...

The point is, we don't want
these people out in the world.

So this place is filled with,
like, the worst guys ever, right?

Hitler, Mussolini,
Michael Vick?

No, no, these are
men and women

who would have become
Hitlers and Mussolinis.

Or worse, except
we got to them first.

A room filled with evil
that you've never heard of.

It seems so unfair.

No, this is a process that
was first explored in...

Mesopotamia.
In 1230 BC...

Uh, '50.

1250 BC.

Anyway, the bronzing
process was too heavy,

and it kind of
cracked open.

Let's just say it
was unsuccessful.

Here, what we do is we flash-freeze
the bodies cryogenically

and we preserve
them by bronzing.

Unfortunately,
it's a painless process.

Really?
How many times have you tried it?

It's about as painful
as a sword in the chest.

Touche.

What a beautiful creature.

A farewell gift, Arthur?
You shouldn't have.

Just ignore the monster in the cage.

Pete and Myka, the stolen
artifacts have been loaded in.

Can I get your help
replacing them?

Fine by me.

I'd rather
not see this.

Wait. Come on,
I want to watch this.

When's the next time something
like this is going to happen?

Hopefully never.

Who says you can never go
home again, eh, Arthur?

James.

You know, I thought I'd have
a lot more to say to you.

Goodbye, James.

Arthur, we can still be partners.

Pleading for your life, that's
out of character for you.

I'm not pleading for my life.
I'm pleading for yours.

You know, maybe I should
go check on Artie.

I'm sure he's fine.

You know what?
I'll go check.

I'll be back in a second.
Okay.

What a waste.

Downtown, baby

How she looks so...

Turn around.

My dear, thank you for
remembering our appointment.

That is a relief.

Wave to Arthur so he can
enjoy the tape later.

We're clear.

You won't be needing
that anymore.

So was it
all worth it?

Unfettered access to Warehouse 13?
Time will tell.

Hmm.

There's work to be done.
The codes I implanted

when Arthur tried to access
my site need to be activated.

Go on, now.

Tempus fugit.

Late as usual.

How did you...
Get away from there!

Or what?

You've had your chance,
Arthur. So many chances.

Go ahead, fire it.

You see, there's a way around
almost anything, partner.

No!

Artie.
Artie?

Artie, are you okay?
Artie, hey!

Can you hear me?

Artie, get up!

Artie!
Artie.

Artie, get up.
Artie, get up.

Pete, hurry!
Look out, look out.

No. No. No, no, no.

Artie!
Wait, wait, wait!

Wait for us!
James!

Self-destruct sequence initiated.

The umbilicus will
self-destruct in five, four,

three, two, one.