WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 20 - Young Master Carlson - full transcript

SEVEN, FIVE, FOUR, NINE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GOOD MORNING,
JENNIFER. MR. CARLSON.

PRUSSIAN VALLEY MILITARY
ACADEMY JUST CALLED.

- OH?
- YOUR SON IS MISSING.

- MISSING?
- NOW, I'M SURE THERE'S
NO CAUSE FOR ALARM.

WELL, WHAT DID THEY SAY? THEY SAID HE
MUST HAVE LEFT SOMETIME DURING THE NIGHT.

OH, NO. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CALL
THE COMMANDANT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

UH, YEAH. YEAH, SURE.

MISSING? HOW OLD IS HE?

HE'S ONLY 11 YEARS OLD. WELL, I'M
SURE THAT HE'S GOING TO BE JUST FINE.



I'M SURE THAT HE'S GONNA BE
OKAY TOO, BUT I BETTER CALL MY WIFE.

- THAT WON'T
BE NECESSARY, ARTHUR.
- MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

- HANG UP, ARTHUR.
- BUT, MOM, I...

HANG UP.

- HELLO, JENNIFER.
- HELLO, MRS. CARLSON.

MOTHER, LITTLE
ARTHUR IS MISSING.

- NO, HE'S NOT.
- PRUSSIAN VALLEY JUST CALLED.

HE HAS LEFT PRUSSIAN VALLEY.

THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.
BUT WHERE DID HE GO?

WELL, NATURALLY, HE CAME TO ME.

OH.

LITTLE ARTHUR.

HELLO, FATHER.

- ARTHUR, ARE YOU OKAY?
- I'M FINE. HI.



HELLO. HOW'S IT GOING?

UH, I THINK I'D BETTER
GO CALL THE SCHOOL.

GOOD IDEA. EXCUSE ME.

ARTHUR, WE HAVE SOME
DECISIONS TO MAKE.

WELL, I THINK I DESERVE
AN EXPLANATION.

OH, HE'S EXPLAINED IT ALL TO ME.
HE'S NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.

BUT HE LOVED IT UP THERE. I HAD TO BRIBE
HIM TO GET HIM HOME FOR CHRISTMAS VACATION.

ARTHUR, YOUR SON WAS PASSED
OVER FOR REGIMENTAL COMMANDER.

OH, YEAH? WELL, HE'S ONLY 11.

HE CAN BE REGIMENTAL
COMMANDER NEXT YEAR.

NEXT YEAR? NEXT YEAR, HE SAYS!
DID YOU HEAR THAT? NEXT YEAR!

OH! [Groans]

- TEMPER, TEMPER.
- GOOD BOY.

GOOD BOY. I THINK THE FIRST
THING WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO...

IS GET HIM BACK UP TO SCHOOL
AS SOON AS WE POSSIBLY CAN.

- HE'S NOT GOING BACK.
- WHY NOT?

ARTHUR, YOUR SON HAS
RESIGNED THE ACADEMY.

♪♪ [Bugle]

RESIGNED THE ACADEMY?

♪♪ [Bugle]

FOR THE TIME BEING,
HE'LL BE LIVING WITH ME.

OH, I SEE. WELL, IF YOU
INSIST ON THAT, THEN...

AND WORK UP HERE.

UP HERE? YES.

OH, GOOD.

♪♪ [Bugle]

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

LOOK, MOTHER, ARTHUR
CAN'T WORK UP HERE.

HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN
SCHOOL. I MEAN, THAT'S THE LAW.

OH, A LITTLE TIME AWAY FROM
SCHOOL WON'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

- AW, GOSH. I DON'T KNOW.
- ARTHUR, WKRP IS
A FAMILY BUSINESS.

NOW, I WANT LITTLE
ARTHUR TO LEARN IT.

YEAH, BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE RADIO.
HE LIKES WAR. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, SON?

AFFIRMATIVE.

YEAH, SEE?

TELL YOU WHAT. WHEN, UH... WHEN
SCHOOL'S OUT, IF YOU'RE REAL, REAL GOOD,

MAYBE GRANDMA'LL GET YOU
A NICE SUMMER JOB WITH NATO.

ARTHUR, I'VE GOT TO GO.

COME ON, MOTHER.
THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.

ARTHUR, THIS CHILD HAS JUST
HAD A TRAUMATIC CAREER SETBACK.

NOW HE NEEDS TIME
TO REST AND REFLECT.

THIS IS JUST AN 11-YEAR-OLD
CHILD WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

OH, FIND SOMETHING FOR HIM TO DO
AROUND HERE. IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.

LITTLE ARTHUR, I'LL
PICK YOU UP AT 5:00.

NOW, BE PLEASANT TO THE
HELP AND DON'T GET DIRTY.

OKAY? YES, MA'AM.

THE SAME GOES FOR YOU.

MOM!

SO.

SORRY ABOUT SCHOOL.

YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T BE
HAPPIER HOME WITH MOTHER AND ME?

- I LIKE IT UP AT GRANDMA'S.
- YEAH, I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN
HAVE A LOT MORE FUN AT HOME.

YOU MIND IF I COME IN? GREAT. I WANNA
TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE WAY THIS...

SO LONG. UH, JOHNNY.

I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO MEET MY SON.
THIS IS LITTLE ARTHUR. OH, YEAH?

ARTHUR, I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO MEET
DR. JOHNNY FEVER. HE'S A DISK JOCKEY.

HI. I'M THE MORNING MAN.

THEN, UH, SHOULDN'T
YOU BE ON THE AIR?

WELL, I GOT A LONG RECORD PLAYING.
SEE, I KNOW ABOUT HOW LONG...

WHAT IF THE RECORD
PLAYER BREAKS DOWN?

HMM? WHAT IF THE
RECORD GETS STUCK?

OH, WELL, SEE, THAT DOESN'T
USUALLY... IT'S A POSSIBILITY, ISN'T IT?

WELL, YEAH. IT'S POSSIBLE. IT
COULD HAPPEN, COULDN'T IT?

- I SUPPOSE IT COULD, YEAH.
- YOU'RE NOT AT YOUR POST,
ARE YOU?

MY POST?

WHAT DID YOU WANT, JOHNNY?

I DON'T KNOW. I FORGOT.

AND GET A SHAVE!

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DIE,
SHORTY? UH, NO, NO, NO.

JUST WAIT A MINUTE.
CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS HERE?

NOW, JOHNNY, UH, EXCUSE
US, PLEASE, HUH? OKAY.

- AND GET A HAIRCUT, MISTER!
- OH!

THAT'S IT. JOHNNY,
JOHNNY, PLEASE.

LITTLE ARTHUR'S ONLY GONNA BE HERE
FOR, YOU KNOW, TWO OR THREE DAYS.

WE'RE ALL GONNA
HAVE BIG, BIG FUN.

SO THANKS FOR DROPPING BY
AND GOOD LUCK, OKAY? [Chuckles]

WHEW!

WHY DON'T YOU WAIT
OUTSIDE FOR A MINUTE?

WHY? BECAUSE I'M
GONNA MAKE A PHONE CALL.

JENNIFER'S OUT THERE.

[Door Closes]

HI, HONEY. YEAH.

LISTEN, OUR, UH...
OUR SON'S HOME.

YEAH. HE'S... HE'S
BACK IN CINCINNATI.

HELLO?

HELLO? [Receiver Clicking]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY THINGS?

UH, NOTHING. NOTHING?

NOW LISTEN TO ME,
YOU LITTLE MONSTER.

HI, JENNIFER. HOW'S IT GOING?
ALL OF MY THINGS ARE ALL OVER!

OH, GOOD LORD! WHO IS HE?
CARLSON'S KID. LET'S KILL HIM.

- HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
- UH, NOT TOO WELL.

JENNIFER, PLEASE!

[Exhales]

I'M SORRY.

I, UH, SEE YOU'VE
MET LITTLE ARTHUR.

YEAH, HE'S, UH,
SOMEWHAT OF A, UH... A NAZI.

YEAH, UH... [Indistinct]

WELL, HE'S YOUNG YET.

MR. CARLSON,

IS THIS CHILD GOING TO
REMAIN IN THIS OFFICE?

WELL, PROBABLY FOR THE
NEXT TWO OR THREE DAYS.

THEN HE HAD BETTER LEARN TO
BEHAVE HIMSELF. OH? WHAT DID HE DO?

UH, HE GOT INTO
JENNIFER'S DRAWERS.

WHOA, SON.

HE DUMPED OUT ALL MY
PENCILS. LOOK AT MY STATIONERY.

THIS PLACE IS JUST A MESS.
AND I'M SORRY, JENNIFER.

UH, LOOK, SON, THAT IS A NO-NO.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
[Mr. Carlson] OH, HI, ANDY.

UH, SAY, I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO MEET
MY SON, ANDY. THIS IS LITTLE ARTHUR.

YOU'RE KIDDING.
WELL, HOW ARE YOU?

ARTHUR, I'D, UH, LIKE FOR
YOU TO MEET ANDY TRAVIS.

ANOTHER DEEJAY? OH, NO.

ANDY'S OUR PROGRAM
DIRECTOR HERE.

HE'S, UH, YOU KNOW, IN CHARGE
OF THINGS AROUND THE STATION.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE, UH,
WELL, I'M THE PRESIDENT,

AND HE'S MY FIVE-STAR
GENERAL. HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

WELL, I DO FINE. I DO JUST FINE.

ANDY, UH, LITTLE ARTHUR'S GONNA BE
WORKING AROUND HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE,

SO FIND HIM A VITAL YET, UH,
OTHERWISE MEANINGLESS JOB.

I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND
THE FORT. THANK YOU, SIR.

- NICE BOY.
- YEAH?

ANDY, UM,

- THIS, UH, CHILD IS,
UM, UNUSUAL.
- OH, YEAH?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY?

YEAH, HE DOES SEEM KINDA MATURE
FOR HIS AGE, DOESN'T HE? YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. COME
ON, LOVER. LET'S GO.

I'M NOT A LOVER, SIR. I'M
A LIEUTENANT COLONEL.

HOW OLD IS THIS MAN?

FORTY-NINE. YEAH, RIGHT.

♪♪ [Rock Instrumental]

♪♪ [Volume Increases]

[Mouthing Words]

♪♪ [Continues]

[No Audible Dialogue]

JOHNNY!

♪♪ [Stops] GET THAT
KID OUT OF HERE.

WHAT? COME ON.
THIS IS CARLSON'S SON.

YEAH, I... I KNOW. WE MET.
UH, WE DON'T GET ALONG.

LOOK, I'M SORRY
IF I MADE YOU MAD.

YEAH?

HOW DOES ALL THIS
STUFF WORK? I DON'T KNOW.

HEY, COME ON, JOHNNY.
EXPLAIN IT TO HIM.

UH, WELL, IT'S REALLY
KINDA SIMPLE, SEE.

UM, I SPEAK INTO THIS,

AND MY VOICE IS INSTANTANEOUSLY
TRANSMITTED OUT INTO THE CINCINNATI AREA...

WHERE IT'S HEARD BY WELL
OVER A HUNDRED PEOPLE.

MOST OF 'EM ARE INVALIDS THOUGH.
THEY CAN'T CHANGE THE DIAL.

IS THAT RIGHT?
NO, IT'S NOT RIGHT.

THERE ARE SEVERAL THOUSAND
PEOPLE LISTENING RIGHT NOW. REALLY?

REALLY? THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'RE INTERESTED
IN RADIO? WELL, KINDA.

IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE
HE KNOWS THE FIRST THING

YOU DO WHEN YOU
OVERTHROW A GOVERNMENT...

IS SEIZE CONTROL OF
THE RADIO STATIONS.

AND THEN YOU SHOOT
ALL THE DEEJAYS.

HEY, MEN. WHAT
IT IS? HEY, VENUS.

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO ARTHUR CARLSON JUNIOR.

THE OMEN.

I DIDN'T KNOW CARLSON
HAD A SON. [Mumbles]

WHERE'S THE REST
OF THE BAND? [Laughs]

YOU'RE BLACK!

I AM? OH, MY GOSH! I'M BLACK!

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY BLACKS IN
PRUSSIAN VALLEY. COME ON, ANDY.

I'M HIP.

AIN'T NO BLACKS DUMB ENOUGH TO GO
TO A PLACE CALLED PRUSSIAN VALLEY.

HEY, MAN. HOW COME YOU
DIDN'T TELL ME I WAS BLACK?

[Buzzes]

YEAH. HELLO, JENNIFER.

THE COMMANDANT?
YEAH, PUT HIM ON.

HELLO, GENERAL?

UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

OH, GEE. I... WELL, I-I'M
SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

OH, I SEE.

WELL, GOSH.

LOOK, I'M ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE THAT,
YOU KNOW, YOU'LL BE A GENERAL ONE DAY.

UH, ANYWAY, UH, COLONEL,
IS THIS ABOUT MY...

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT DO THEY KNOW?

UH, LISTEN, UH, COLONEL,
IS THIS ABOUT MY... MY SON?

SO, YOU'RE THE BIG GUY'S KID.

LITTLE BIG GUY.

WELL, ON BEHALF OF,
UH, LES NESSMAN AND I,

WELCOME TO WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

- LES NESSMAN AND ME.
- WHAT?

- LES NESSMAN AND ME.
- I KNEW IT.

ALREADY BUTTERING
UP LITTLE BIG GUY, HUH?

I SHOULD HAVE
KNOWN. I JUST MET HIM.

OH, SURE. LOOK, KID, UH... LITTLE
BIG KID, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

HE JUST DOES THE NEWS
AROUND HERE. I HANDLE THE SALES.

I MEAN, WITHOUT ME, THIS
STATION WOULD BE NOWHERE.

SO, UH, TELL YOUR DAD YOU HEARD
THAT AND YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT.

MY GRANDMOTHER TALKS ABOUT YOU.

HERB TARLEK? UH-HUH.

MAMA TALKS ABOUT ME.

- TELL ME, WHAT DOES SHE SAY?
- AW, NOTHIN'.

LOOK, YOU LITTLE BA... BIG GUY.

COME ON NOW. TELL UNCLE
HERBERT ALL ABOUT IT.

SHE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING.

LOOK, UH, TELL YOU WHAT.

- I'LL GIVE YOU...
- THE FIVE.

THE FIVE... IF YOU TELL
ME WHAT SHE SAYS.

SHE SAYS YOU'RE ADDLE-MINDED.

ADDLE-MINDED?

ADDLE-MINDED.

LES, LOOK UP ADDLE-MINDED.
THIS COULD BE GOOD FOR ME.

CORPORAL?

WELL, I THOUGHT HE LEFT
SCHOOL UP THERE BEC...

OH.

HE'S FLUNKING OUT?

EXCUSE ME, LITTLE BIG GUY, BUT DOES
YOUR GRANDMOTHER EVER SPEAK ABOUT ME?

NO. [Chuckles]

WELL, I'M SURE THERE MUST BE
TIMES... AROUND THE DINNER TABLE, SAY...

WHEN MY NAME JUST COMES UP.

AFTER A DAY OF MY NEWS
REPORTS AT 9:00, 12:00, 2:00...

AND 4:00 AND 6:00 ON FRIDAYS?

I'M LES NESSMAN.

LES NESSMAN, FIVE-TIME WINNER
OF THE BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK AWARD.

DOES THAT RING A BELL? NOPE.

SHE SAYS THAT YOU'RE OBTUSE.

OOH.

"ADULTERY, ADMIRE"...

LET ME SEE THAT. OBTUSE.

ADDLE-MINDED.

OBTUSE!

ADDLE... HI, GUYS.

OH, HI, BAILEY. MET
CARLSON'S SON?

UH, YES. I'VE HAD THE PLEASURE.

WELL, HE'S QUITE A KID, LET ME
TELL YOU. TELL YOUR DAD I SAID THAT.

OBTUSE.

ACCORDING TO WEBSTER'S...

"EXCEEDING 90 DEGREES,

"BUT LESS THAT 180 DEGREES.

"LACKING SHARPNESS OR
QUICKNESS OF SENSIBILITY.

"ROUNDED AT THE FREE END.

DULL."

- THAT'S AN INSULT.
- UH, LES, TAKE IT EASY.

TAKE IT EASY? JUST
CALM DOWN, OKAY?

DON'T TELL ME TO CALM
DOWN. I JUST PAID FIVE

DOLLARS TO FIND OUT I'M
ROUNDED AT THE FREE END.

COOL OFF, LES. HE'S JUST MAD
'CAUSE HE'S NOT ADDLE-MINDED.

I AM TOO. NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I AM. YOU ARE NOT.

YES, I AM! YOU ARE NOT!

YOU GUYS! YOU ARE
BOTH ADDLE-MINDED.

THANK YOU, BAILEY.
YOU'RE WELCOME, LES.

♪♪ [Whistling]

HI, KID. DON'T CALL ME KID.

[Chuckles] OKAY, GENERAL. YOU WANNA
HOP UP FROM THERE SO I CAN USE THE PHONE?

SORRY. THIS IS MY DESK NOW.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAND UP FOR A SECOND
SO OLD VENUS CAN USE THE PHONE THERE?

SORRY.

STAND UP, BOY.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT, BOY.

[Bailey] NOT GOOD, VENUS.
THIS IS NOT WHAT WE WANNA DO.

LOOK, HE'S JUST A LITTLE GUY.

[Herb] AND BESIDES,
IT'S THE BIG GUY'S KID.

I SEE.

WELL, THANK YOU. YEAH.

YEAH, THA-THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ANDY, LOOK, I'M SORRY, MAN. I GUESS
I JUST LOST MY HEAD FOR A SECOND.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. ANDY,
YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

LOOK, THE BOY HAS BEEN HERE
LESS THAN AN HOUR. SEEMS LONGER.

UH, MR. CARLSON, THERE SEEMS
TO BE A SLIGHT PROBLEM OVER HERE.

I'M NOT SURPRISED. LITTLE
ARTHUR, COME WITH ME.

UH, DAD, THIS GUY HERE
JUST TRIED TO KILL ME.

COME WITH ME.

WELL, HE'S GONNA PAY FOR IT.

MY GRANDMOTHER'S
GONNA FIRE YOU. ARTHUR!

YES, SIR? FOLLOW ME!

YEAH, BUT HE JUST TRIED TO
KILL ME. HE LIFTED ME UP AND...

LITTLE BRAT. ALL RIGHT,
LOOK. WHAT HAPPENED?

START... START AT THE BEGINNING.

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, HE'S NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE PICKING ON LITTLE WHITE KIDS.

HOW ABOUT BIG WHITE
KIDS, MAN? HEY, NO!

ALL RIGHT. SIT.

NOT THERE.

HERE.

ALL RIGHT, SON. NOW YOU AND I ARE
GONNA GET A COUPLE OF THINGS STRAIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU
SAID TO VENUS FLYTRAP,

BUT YOU DON'T SPEAK TO HIM OR
ANYBODY ELSE LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!

WELL, DAD...

AND YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF
OF OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY,

- THINGS THAT DON'T
BELONG TO YOU!
- WELL, DAD...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOTTEN INTO YOU, ARTHUR!

UNLESS YOU'RE JUST
DYING FOR ATTENTION.

ARE YOU MAD?

YOU BET I'M MAD.

I'M MAD AT YOU,
AND I'M MAD AT ME.

IS... IS THIS SOME
KIND OF A TRICK?

NO, SON.

THE TRICKS ARE ALL OVER.

WHEN YOU WERE A SIX-YEAR-OLD
CHILD, YOU WERE A RAMBUNCTIOUS KID.

MAYBE MORE RAMBUNCTIOUS THAN
OTHER KIDS YOUR AGE. I DON'T KNOW.

[Sighs] BUT, GOD HELP ME,

YOUR MOTHER AND I, WE LET YOUR GRANDMOTHER
TALK US INTO SENDING YOU AWAY TO SCHOOL.

WELL, YOU CAN'T
BLAME YOUR GRANDMA.

YOU SEE, HER FATHER WENT TO A MILITARY
ACADEMY, A MAN WHOM SHE MUCH ADMIRED.

SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS
DOING THE RIGHT THING.

EVEN THOUGH I HAD DIFFERENT
THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER AT THAT TIME, I...

WELL, SON, AWAY YOU WENT.

FOUR FEET TALL,

DRESSED LIKE GENERAL MacARTHUR,

WAVING AT YOUR MOTHER AND ME
FROM THAT RAILROAD CAR WINDOW.

OH, SON, I'M SORRY.

DAD, I LIKE IT AT
PRUSSIAN VALLEY.

BUT, SEE, I HAVE TO BE
REGIMENTAL COMMANDER.

STOP IT, SON.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
REGIMENTAL COMMANDER.

ALL YOU HAVE TO BE
IS AN 11-YEAR-OLD BOY.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS VERY
SUCCESSFUL AT THE ACADEMY.

OH, I BET YOU WERE.

DID THEY CALL YOU?

NO.

NO, I-I-I DON'T THINK I'M
GONNA CALL THEM EITHER.

YOU SEE, WHAT I... WHAT
I THOUGHT WAS, UH...

WELL, I THOUGHT...

MAYBE YOU COULD GO TO PUBLIC
SCHOOL RIGHT HERE IN CINCINNATI.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? I'LL
HAVE TO THINK SOMETHING LIKE THAT OVER.

MEMORIAL JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL
IS JUST DOWN THE STREET FROM US.

WELL... GOT GIRLS.

♪♪ [Bugle]

OKAY.

OH, SON.

IT'S A GOOD CAREER DECISION.

ONLY THOSE MEDALS SURE HURT.

OH. DAD, ABOUT THOSE MEDALS.

SON, FOR-FORGET
ABOUT THE MEDALS.

LOOK, YOU'RE A CIVILIAN NOW,
HUH? YOU GOTTA ACT LIKE ONE.

I'M NOT SURE I KNOW HOW. AW, LISTEN,
YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF IT IN NOTHIN' FLAT.

UH... [Clears Throat]

SON, UH, AS YOU KNOW,

I'M AN EXTREMELY BUSY MAN,

BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, ALONG
WITH THE BURDENS OF AUTHORITY...

COME MOMENTS OF, UH, RECREATION.

WAIT HERE A MINUTE.

THE COAST IS CLEAR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THAT SUCKER? WOW!

AIN'T IT A BEAUTY? IS IT YOURS?

HUH? YEAH. IT'S MINE, ALL RIGHT.

THIS BABY'S COMPLETELY
REMOTE CONTROLLED TOO.

YOU KNOW WHAT
MY TIME WITH THIS IS?

SEVEN MINUTES, 32 SECONDS AROUND THE
ROOM WITHOUT HITTIN' A STICK OF FURNITURE.

YOU WANNA TRY IT? SURE.

JUST FLIP UP THAT ANTENNA
AND HAVE A GO AT IT.

HEY, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

YOU'RE GETTIN' THE
HANG OF THAT REAL QUICK.

HEY, DO YOU LIKE ROCK AND ROLL?

YEAH. OH, GOOD.

♪♪ [Rock Instrumental]

BASKETBALL.

[Channels Switching]

♪♪ ["The Washington Post March"]

OH, WELL. OLD HABITS DIE
HARD, DON'T THEY, SON?

YOU READY? YOU
GOTTA CONCENTRATE.

ON THREE. ONE, TWO, THREE.

ALL RIGHT! WE DID IT! WE DID IT!

THEY STILL IN THERE? UH-HUH.

WHAT ARE THEY
DOIN'? I DON'T KNOW.

HE DID IT! WITHOUT EVEN
LOOKING, HE DID IT! THAT'S MY DAD!

HI THERE.

♪♪ [Rock]

♪♪ [Man Singing, Indistinct]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Mews]