WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 17 - Commercial Break - full transcript
The biggest account in years just signed with WKRP..."Ferryman's Funerals". The staff creates a jingle and runs commercials for the $600/day account. However, Carlson has second thoughts about selling upbeat commercial time to a company trying to sell funeral services to young rock music fans.
HELLO. MR. MORRISON?
HOW ARE YOU TODAY, SIR? I'M HERB TARLEK,
GENERAL SALES MANAGER OF WKRP A.M. RADIO.
YEAH, I'M, UH, CALLING
TO INQUIRE ABOUT THE
MORRISON TIRE COMPANY
ADVERTISING ACCOUNT.
YES, SIR. UH, HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED
ADVERTISING ON OUR RADIO STATION?
WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER
ADVERTISING ON OUR RADIO STATION?
OKAY, FINE.
THAT'S IT. I'M BUSHED.
- WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES, LES?
- I'M BUSY, HERB.
HEY, THERE'S A NEW SHOW AT THE
PARIS THEATER, KICK ME, KISS ME,
AND IT'S IN 3-D.
I'D RATHER NOT,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SUIT YOURSELF, MR. BORING, BUT THIS IS ONE
GUY WHO'S NOT GONNA THROW HIS LIFE AWAY.
HERB? HMM?
- WHY DON'T YOU
JUST DO YOUR JOB?
- WHAT?
YOU HEARD ME.
LOOK, BAILEY, I JUST DID. I ASKED
MR. MORRISON IF I COULD SELL HIM SOMETHING.
HE SAID NO. THAT'S IT.
THEN WHY DON'T YOU
JUST CALL SOMEBODY ELSE?
BAILEY, IT'S NOT THAT
EASY. BELIEVE ME.
IF YOU COULD GET SOME NEW
ACCOUNTS, THEN WE COULD ALL GET RAISES.
AND-AND LES... LES COULD BUY THE
TRAFFIC HELICOPTER HE ALWAYS WANTED.
MAKE A CALL, HERB.
I'LL CALL TOMORROW. KICK ME, KISS
ME STARTS IN 15 MINUTES, AND I'M...
MAKE A CALL. LOOK, IF YOU MISS
THE BEGINNING OF THESE SHOWS,
I WON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
MAKE A CALL, HERB. NOW.
THANKS.
HELLO. HERB TARLEK HERE,
GENERAL SALES MANAGER.
MR. FERRYMAN.
YES, SIR. HOW ARE YOU, SIR?
YEAH, WELL, THANKS
FOR RETURNING MY CALL.
LUNCH? SURE.
SAY, UH... UH, 12:00?
SURE. YOU BET, SIR.
UH, NO-NO, SIR. NO,
SIR. CERTAINLY, SIR.
SIR? OH! YES, SIR. R-RIGHT.
SEE YOU, SIR.
- WHO WAS THAT?
- WHO WAS THAT?
THAT WAS MR. RANDALL FERRYMAN,
OWNER OF ONE OF THE LARGEST
FUNERAL HOME CHAINS IN THE COUNTRY.
- DOES HE HAVE
A BIG ADVERTISING ACCOUNT?
- THE BIGGEST.
AND HE'S ON HIS WAY TO
CINCINNATI TO... BURY US ALL.
OOH!
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
HERB, WHY WOULD A CHAIN OF FUNERAL HOMES
WANNA ADVERTISE ON A ROCK-AND-ROLL STATION?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T CARE.
JUST BE CALM AND PRETEND WE
DON'T NEED THE BUSINESS, OKAY?
MY. COMMISSION CITY, OPEN YOUR
PEARLY GATES TO HERB TARLEK AND SAY...
THERE'S A DEAD MAN IN THE LOBBY.
THAT'S FERRYMAN.
I DON'T THINK I LIKE
THE SOUND OF THIS.
OH, THERE'S NOTHIN' WRONG WITH
A FUNERAL HOME ACCOUNT, TRAVIS.
MR. CARLSON, MEET MR. FERRYMAN.
MR. FERRYMAN, THIS IS MR. CARLSON,
OUR CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER...
AND PRESIDENT OF
WKRP ENTERPRISES.
OH, AND THIS IS ANDY TRAVIS, VICE
PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF PROGRAMMING.
GENTLEMEN, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
UH... HAVE A SEAT, SIR.
UH-UH, SIT DOWN RIGHT HERE.
JUST, UH, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
UH, CAN I, UH, GET YOU A CIGAR?
THAT WOULD BE NICE. CIGAR.
I DON'T HAVE ANY CIGARS. TRAVIS?
UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CIGARS!
GENTLEMEN, I'LL COME
STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.
DO IT.
I HAVE JUST OPENED A CHAIN OF
SIX FUNERAL HOMES IN CINCINNATI.
I WANT TO ADVERTISE.
UH, YEAH. ON A
ROCK-AND-ROLL STATION?
YES. THAT'S HOW I
DID IT IN CALIFORNIA.
YOU SEE, I'M A VOLUME DEALER.
I'VE GOT TO MOVE THEM
IN AND MOVE THEM OUT.
UNFORTUNATELY, PEOPLE AREN'T
DYING FAST ENOUGH NOWADAYS.
IT'S A PROBLEM.
SO, NOWADAYS, I'M MOSTLY
SELLING PRE-NEED TO YOUNG PEOPLE.
MOST OF YOUR
LISTENERS ARE YOUNG?
UH, YEAH, MOST OF 'EM.
AND, UH, BUYING A CEMETERY PLOT
WOULD BE THE LAST THING ON THEIR MINDS?
WELL, I'D SAY IT'D BE PRETTY
FAR DOWN THE LIST, YEAH. YEAH.
SO WHY NOT BUY AHEAD OF TIME? WOULDN'T
THAT SAVE THEM A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY?
WOULDN'T THAT BE A NICE
HEDGE AGAINST INFLATION?
GENTLEMEN. IT SURE WOULD.
MY BROCHURE. IT EXPLAINS
EVERYTHING. IT'S HEAVY.
IN MY BUSINESS,
PEOPLE WANT HEAVY.
"OVER 6,000 SATISFIED
CUSTOMERS"?
THAT'S YOUR SLOGAN?
YES. BUT I NEED SOMETHING NEW.
YOU GENTLEMEN COME
UP WITH SOMETHING.
NO PROBLEM. YEAH.
I THINK, UH, WE CAN COME
UP WITH SOMETHING HERE. UH...
HOW ABOUT, UH... HOW ABOUT THIS?
MUSIC COMES UP.
♪ HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH ♪
♪ HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH ♪♪
I DON'T WANT THAT. I WANT
SOMETHING LIGHT AND BOUNCY.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT, UH...
♪ HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH
HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH ♪
♪♪ THAT'S BETTER.
UH, MR. FERRYMAN,
I THINK, SIR, YOU'D BE WISE TO
TAKE YOUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.
YEAH, I MUST SAY THAT
I AGREE WITH THAT.
THIRTY COMMERCIALS A DAY...
AT $20 A COMMERCIAL.
THAT'S $600 A DAY.
UH,
MAY WE THINK, UH, THAT OVER
AND-AND GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT ONE?
OF COURSE.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
MR. FERRYMAN! HOLD IT!
LISTEN TO THIS.
"FERRYMAN'S FINE FUNERALS.
PIONEERS IN FOLLOW-THROUGH."
HUH. "FROM PRE-NEED
COUNSELING BY OUR
PROFESSIONALLY-TRAINED
'GRIEF GUIDES.'
"FERRYMAN WAS FIRST WITH
DRIVE-IN GRAVESIDE SERVICES.
ALL-ELECTRIC ETERNAL FLAME"?
"AND MOURNERS AS YOU NEED THEM."
THIS IS DEEPLY WEIRD, MAN.
IT IS ALSO THE BIGGEST
ADVERTISING CLIENT WE'VE EVER HAD.
WE ARE ALL GONNA GET RICH.
IS THAT RIGHT, ANDY?
IT'S A BIG CONTRACT.
HOW BIG? SATURATION BUY,
30 SPOTS A DAY EVERY SINGLE DAY.
HEY, MAN, HOW IS
THAT GONNA SOUND?
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK TO THE MUSIC AFTER
THESE IMPORTANT WORDS ABOUT DEATH.
WAIT. THIS GUY WANTS
A ROCK-AND-ROLL JINGLE,
AND BY GOLLY, WE'RE
GONNA GIVE HIM ONE.
I GUESS I SHOULD SAY YOU ARE.
I AM?
USED TO HAVE A BAND,
DIDN'T YOU? YEAH.
OKAY, LOOK, LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
CAN'T WE DO A CHEAPO COMMERCIAL?
I MEAN, HIRE PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS,
BUT MAYBE SING THE JINGLE OURSELVES.
CAN ANYBODY AROUND HERE SING?
ANY JERK CAN SING. NOW LISTEN.
THESE ARE THE COPY POINTS THAT
YOU GOTTA WORK INTO THE JINGLE, OKAY?
NOW, "A: ALL-WEATHER
FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
UH, THAT'S PLASTIC FLOWERS.
MAINTENANCE-FREE
ARTIFICIAL TURF."
PLASTIC GRASS.
THEY ACCEPT ALL
MAJOR CREDIT CARDS."
THAT'D BE YOUR PLASTIC MONEY.
"SIX CONVENIENT
LOCATIONS, OPEN WEEKENDS,
"ALL-NIGHT HOTLINE,
GROUP DISCOUNT RATES...
AND... FREE PARKING."
HOW AM I GONNA GET ALL
THIS STUFF INTO ONE SONG?
COME ON NOW, VENUS. JUST
WRITE A CATCHY LITTLE TUNE.
MAKE IT LIGHT, MAKE IT EXCITING.
WELL, OKAY. OKAY. GOOD.
I'LL CALL AROUND, TRY TO BOOK A
STUDIO. HERB, YOU CAN, UH, MAYBE...
AUDITION THE SINGERS. GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, COME ON,
EVERYBODY. LET'S HOP TO IT!
JOHN?
SING SOMETHIN' FOR ME.
FEVER. HI, LADIES.
- HI.
- CAN EITHER OF YOU SING?
- UH, I SANG IN THE CHORUS
IN SCHOOL.
- SING SOMETHING.
OH, NO. I COULDN'T
SING IN PUBLIC.
NO, COME ON,
BAILEY. NO, COME ON.
COME ON. NO, I
COULDN'T DO IT. NO!
COME ON. SING. SING A SONG.
SING OF GOOD THINGS... HERB.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD.
♪ AMAZING GRACE ♪
♪ HOW SWEET THE SOUND ♪
♪ THAT SAVED A WRETCH ♪
♪ LIKE ME ♪
♪ I ONCE WAS LOST ♪
♪ BUT NOW I'M FOUND ♪
♪ WAS BLIND ♪
♪ BUT NOW I SEE ♪♪
OUT OF SIGHT!
BEAUTIFUL.
MISS BAILEY QUARTERS.
OKAY, JENNIFER, YOU'RE NEXT.
UH, WHAT WOULD I SING?
ANYTHING. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
AH! THERE YOU GO.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
COME ON.
♪ HAPPY ♪
♪ BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY ♪
♪ BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ DEAR HERBIE ♪
♪ HAPPY ♪
♪ BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ TO ♪
♪ YOU ♪♪
ALL RIGHT.
GET, UH, JENNIFER ON
THAT LIST, QUICKLY. YEAH.
THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT... ARE
YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO STAY AWAKE?
THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT IS
THAT I BE ABLE TO STAY AWAKE.
- YEAH. RIGHT IN THERE.
- MR. FERRYMAN, THIS IS WHERE
WE PUT IT ALL TOGETHER.
MR. FERRYMAN, HOW ARE YOU, SIR?
READY TO COOK.
WHERE ARE THE PICKERS?
WELL, NOW, UH, SIR, THE MUSICIANS
ALREADY LAID DOWN ALL THEIR TRACKS,
BUT OUR PROFESSIONAL SINGERS
ARE REHEARSED AND RARIN' TO GO.
WHAT PROFESSIONAL SINGERS?
UH, THESE PROFESSIONAL SINGERS!
♪ MMM ♪
GOOD GRIEF.
MR. FERRYMAN, UH, THIS IS
OUR PROFESSIONAL ANNOUNCER.
AND, UH, HE'LL BE, UH, READING
THE PROFESSIONAL SALES COPY.
UH, JOHN, SAY HELLO.
EXCUSE ME. UH, SIR, WE
HAVE TO GO. WHY DON'T
YOU STEP IN THE BOOTH?
WE CAN HEAR BETTER.
REMEMBER, KEEP IT
YOUNG, KEEP IT HIP.
HIP? YEP.
UH, YOU READY? YOU BET.
OKAY, CHARLIE? EVERYBODY
SETTLE DOWN. OKAY.
YOU READY, JOHNNY?
ROLL TAPE! TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE ONE!
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
CUT! YEAH?
PUT MORE EMPHASIS ON "FERRYMAN."
HE'S RIGHT. I'M SORRY. UH, THERE SHOULD BE
MORE EMPHASIS ON "FERRYMAN." THAT'S ALL.
- EMPHASIZE FERRYMAN, JOHNNY. ROLL TAPE!
- TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE TWO!
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE... R-R...
CUT!
- YES?
- I THINK "LOVED ONES"
NEEDS MORE LOVE.
WELL, OF COURSE
IT DOES. DO IT, GUYS.
I MEAN, WHY DON'T I THINK
OF THESE THINGS MYSELF?
RIGHT. MORE LOVE, JOHNNY.
ROLL TAPE! TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE THREE!
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
UGH. UGH. CUT! WHAT IS IT NOW?
UH, PUNCH UP
"REASONABLE." THAT'S ALL.
PUNCH UP RE... PUNCH IT.
JOHNNY, CAN YOU PUNCH THAT UP?
PUNCH? RIGHT.
HERB, I'M GONNA COME
OUT THERE AND PUNCH YOU.
ROLL TAPE. TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE FOUR.
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
HOW'S THAT? PERFECT.
TAPE'S STILL ROLLIN'.
EVERYBODY READY? YEAH.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
♪♪ ♪ HEY, YOU'RE
YOUNG AND SWINGIN' ♪
♪ NO TIME TO THINK
ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ BUT THERE AIN'T
NO WAY TO DENY IT ♪
♪ SOMEDAY YOU'RE GONNA BUY IT ♪
♪ SO PLAN TODAY FOR A FERRYMAN ♪
♪ TOMORROW ♪
♪ FERRYMAN, FERRYMAN ♪
♪ HE'S THE MAN WITH THE
PLOT THE MAN WITH THE PLAN ♪
♪ FERRYMAN, FERRYMAN ♪
♪ HE'S THE MORTICIAN
MAN WHO LOVES YOU ♪
♪ A LOT ♪
SIX... COUNT 'EM...
SIX CONVENIENT
LOCATIONS, PLUS GROUP
RATES AND FREE PARKING.
IT'S ALL YOURS AT
FERRYMAN FUNERAL HOMES.
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH BYE-BYE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ BYE-BYE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ BYE-BYE ♪♪
♪♪
HOW SOON, JOHNNY? WHAT?
I SAID HOW SOO... OH!
I'M SORRY. I'M MEAN,
UH, HOW SOON?
JUST KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON,
BAILEY. A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
- HEY, WE READY?
- YES. WHERE'S MR. CARLSON?
IN HIS OFFICE, I GUESS.
OKAY, THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT.
ALL RIGHT. MOVE OVER, STEVIE
WONDER. MAKE ROOM FOR THE 'TRAP.
♪♪
WE'LL BE PUMPING IT RIGHT ON THROUGH TO
"HEART OF GLASS" FROM BLONDIE IN A MOMENT.
BUT FIRST, DIG THESE
VERY IMPORTANT WORDS.
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
♪ HEY, YOU'RE
YOUNG AND SWINGIN' ♪
♪ NO TIME TO THINK
ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ WITH THE PLAN ♪
♪ FERRYMAN, FERRYMAN ♪
♪ HE'S THE MORTICIAN
MAN WHO LOVES YOU ♪
♪ A LOT ♪♪
OH, VENUS, CONGRATULATIONS
FOR A FINE, FINE COMPOSITION. SHH!
THANKS. MY BEST WORK TO DATE. ♪♪
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA
GET MY DOG OUT OF THE POUND,
AND MAYBE BUY A SET OF DRAPES.
YOU WERE WONDERFUL.
I KNOW, HERB.
HEY, MR. CARLSON.
SIR, DID YOU HEAR IT?
YEAH, I SURE DID.
GOOD, WASN'T IT?
I'M AMAZED THAT YOU CAN
ALL SING SO WELL TOGETHER.
YOU SHOULD BE COMMENDED
FOR THE FINE JOB THAT YOU DID.
HEY, CAN I SEE YOU FOR A
SECOND, ANDY? WELL, SURE THING.
THEY HAVE GONE TO
TALK ABOUT RAISES.
SOMETHING'S WRONG.
WHAT, IS FERRYMAN UPSET?
WELL, I'D SAY THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD
WORD FOR IT. HE'S, UH... HE'S VERY UPSET.
- WELL, WHY? WHAT DOES HE WANT?
- SIT DOWN, ANDY.
I'VE TOLD YOU I WANTED THIS
RADIO STATION TO MAKE MONEY.
OF COURSE, I'VE BEEN ON YOUR BACK
ABOUT THAT PRACTICALLY ALL THE TIME.
- WELL, WHY IS HE UPSET?
- THIS FERRYMAN ACCOUNT
IS THE BIGGEST THING...
THAT'S COME IN TO
THIS STATION IN YEARS.
I'VE DREAMED. I MEAN THAT.
I'VE LITERALLY DREAMED, WAITING FOR
SOMEBODY WITH THAT MUCH CASH TO COME TO US.
DON'T WORRY. IF FERRYMAN'S UPSET, WE'RE
GONNA STRAIGHTEN THIS WHOLE THING OUT.
ANDY, ANDY, LISTEN. I WANT YOU
TO KNOW I REALLY LIKE THE SONG.
I THINK THE JOB THAT EVERYBODY
DID ON THAT THING WAS MARVELOUS.
BUT, WELL, FRANKLY, WHERE I COME
FROM, THAT COMMERCIAL'S IN BAD TASTE.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
A FUNERAL PARLOR TALKING
ABOUT VOLUME BUSINESS.
G-GROUP RATES? CREDIT CARDS?
"ONE DAY YOU'RE GONNA BUY IT."
WE-WE-WE GOTTA TAKE
A STANCE. DON'T WE?
I MEAN, REGARDLESS OF THE
AMOUNT OF MONEY INVOLVED.
HUH? LOOK, I WANNA BE A
WINNER AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY.
HUH. I'D LIKE TO HAVE THE PEOPLE IN RADIO
IN THIS TOWN RESPECT US FOR WHAT WE DO.
WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO IS BE
ABLE TO BUY MY WIFE A FUR COAT...
AND MAYBE TAKE HER ON ONE OF THOSE
SPECIAL, YOU KNOW, LITTLE VACATIONS.
YEAH, BUT I DON'T...
MR. CARLSON.
YOU RESIGNED THE
ACCOUNT, DIDN'T YOU?
I DID, YEAH.
OH, MR. CARLSON.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON.
- GOOD MORNING.
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
THIS IS A CHECK FOR THE
FIRST MONTH IN ADVANCE...
$18,000.
NOW LET ME SEE YOU
RESIGN THE ACCOUNT.
WE, UH... WE RESPECTFULLY
RESIGN, MR. FERRYMAN.
C-CAN I HOLD THAT
THING FOR A MINUTE?
OF COURSE.
IT'S HEAVY.
MR. FERRYMAN, HOW'S IT GOING?
OH, HELLO, HAL. UH,
HERB. LET'S HAVE LUNCH.
YOUR MR. CARLSON HAS
JUST RESIGNED MY ACCOUNT.
- WHAT?
- UH, THAT'S RIGHT. HERE, MR. FERRYMAN.
W-WAIT A MINUTE. 18,000...
NOW, LOOK. WE'RE
GONNA CASH THIS,
AND I'M GONNA HAVE IT STUFFED
AND PLACED OVER MY MANTEL.
LOOK, MR. FERRYMAN, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM. WE NEED YOUR BUSINESS.
OH... OH, SO TERRIBLY.
LOOK, DON'T FORGET LUNCH.
- WILL YOU STOP IT?
- NO, I WON'T STOP IT.
THEN YOU'RE FIRED.
I JUST MADE THE
BIGGEST SALE IN MY LIFE.
IF YOU FIRE ME, I'LL BLOW UP THIS
WHOLE BUILDING AND EVERYBODY IN IT.
EXCEPT YOU, MR. FERRYMAN.
GOD LOVE YOU.
MR. FERRYMAN, HERE,
PLEASE. TAKE YOUR CHECK.
TAKE IT.
WE WISH YOU THE VERY BEST,
BUT, UH, SIR, WE ARE... WE'RE OUT.
THANKS, ANDY.
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
JUST, UH, GIVE ME MY JINGLE,
AND I'LL BE ON MY MERRY WAY.
OH, NO. UH-UH. YOU DIDN'T
PAY FOR THAT JINGLE.
IT'S NOT YOURS. IT'S OURS.
AND... WE'RE GONNA BURN IT.
- I'LL SUE.
- OH, FINE. THE WAY THE COURTS
ARE WORKING TODAY,
WE'LL PROBABLY BE, UH, CUSTOMERS
OF YOURS BEFORE IT GETS TO TRIAL.
MY LAWYER WILL
CONTACT YOUR LAWYER.
SIR, WE CAN'T AFFORD LAWYERS, SO WHY
DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR LAWYER CONTACT HERB?
WE'LL HAVE LUNCH.
SIR, I'VE BEEN CURIOUS
ABOUT ONE THING.
THERE'S A LOT OF ROCK-AND-ROLL STATIONS
IN CINCINNATI. WHY'D YOU PICK OURS?
I CHECKED AROUND.
I FIGURED THIS STATION WAS JUST
BAD ENOUGH OFF TO TAKE MY BUSINESS.
THANKS.
NOW I'LL HAVE TO FIND A STATION
WITH EVEN LOWER RATINGS THAN YOURS.
YEAH, WELL, GOOD LUCK!
MEN, THERE GOES THE BIGGEST CHUNK OF
BUSINESS THAT EVER WALKED IN TO WKRP.
AH.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE.
OH, AND, HERB? HMM?
YOU'RE A GUTSY GUY TOO.
THANKS.
WELL, BIG GUY, UH, AM I FIRED?
NO. I DON'T THINK WE COULD
GET ALONG WITHOUT YOU, HERB.
THANKS.
I WANNA GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.
WE HAD THE ACCOUNT,
AND I WAS FIRED.
AND THEN WE LOST
IT, AND I WAS REHIRED.
THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY, FINE.
I JUST WANNA GET STRAIGHT
HOW THINGS RUN AROUND HERE.
- HERB!
- YES, SIR.
UH, LET'S GO TO
LUNCH PRETTY SOON.
- YOU MEAN IT?
- YEAH.
BIG GUY. AH... NO KISSING, HERB!
HEY? I DID IT.
I FINALLY LANDED THE MORRISON
TIRE COMPANY ACCOUNT.
HOW'D YOU DO
THAT? I'M A SALESMAN.
WILLY LOMAN HAS NOTHIN' ON ME.
LISTEN TO THIS. ♪♪
♪ HEY, YOU'RE
YOUNG AND SWINGIN' ♪
♪ NO TIME TO THINK
ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ BUT THERE AIN'T
NO USE IN DENYIN' IT ♪
♪ ONE DAY YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE A FLAT ♪
♪ SO PLAN TODAY FOR A MORRISON ♪
♪ TOMORROW ♪
♪ MORRISON, MORRISON ♪
♪ HE'S THE MAN WITH THE
JACK THE MAN WITH THE PLAN ♪
♪ MORRISON, MORRISON ♪
♪ HE'S THE TIRE-MAKIN'
MAN WHO LOVES YOU ♪
♪ A LOT ♪
HEY!
- ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH
OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
- HEY!
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ BYE-BYE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
HOW ARE YOU TODAY, SIR? I'M HERB TARLEK,
GENERAL SALES MANAGER OF WKRP A.M. RADIO.
YEAH, I'M, UH, CALLING
TO INQUIRE ABOUT THE
MORRISON TIRE COMPANY
ADVERTISING ACCOUNT.
YES, SIR. UH, HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED
ADVERTISING ON OUR RADIO STATION?
WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER
ADVERTISING ON OUR RADIO STATION?
OKAY, FINE.
THAT'S IT. I'M BUSHED.
- WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES, LES?
- I'M BUSY, HERB.
HEY, THERE'S A NEW SHOW AT THE
PARIS THEATER, KICK ME, KISS ME,
AND IT'S IN 3-D.
I'D RATHER NOT,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SUIT YOURSELF, MR. BORING, BUT THIS IS ONE
GUY WHO'S NOT GONNA THROW HIS LIFE AWAY.
HERB? HMM?
- WHY DON'T YOU
JUST DO YOUR JOB?
- WHAT?
YOU HEARD ME.
LOOK, BAILEY, I JUST DID. I ASKED
MR. MORRISON IF I COULD SELL HIM SOMETHING.
HE SAID NO. THAT'S IT.
THEN WHY DON'T YOU
JUST CALL SOMEBODY ELSE?
BAILEY, IT'S NOT THAT
EASY. BELIEVE ME.
IF YOU COULD GET SOME NEW
ACCOUNTS, THEN WE COULD ALL GET RAISES.
AND-AND LES... LES COULD BUY THE
TRAFFIC HELICOPTER HE ALWAYS WANTED.
MAKE A CALL, HERB.
I'LL CALL TOMORROW. KICK ME, KISS
ME STARTS IN 15 MINUTES, AND I'M...
MAKE A CALL. LOOK, IF YOU MISS
THE BEGINNING OF THESE SHOWS,
I WON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
MAKE A CALL, HERB. NOW.
THANKS.
HELLO. HERB TARLEK HERE,
GENERAL SALES MANAGER.
MR. FERRYMAN.
YES, SIR. HOW ARE YOU, SIR?
YEAH, WELL, THANKS
FOR RETURNING MY CALL.
LUNCH? SURE.
SAY, UH... UH, 12:00?
SURE. YOU BET, SIR.
UH, NO-NO, SIR. NO,
SIR. CERTAINLY, SIR.
SIR? OH! YES, SIR. R-RIGHT.
SEE YOU, SIR.
- WHO WAS THAT?
- WHO WAS THAT?
THAT WAS MR. RANDALL FERRYMAN,
OWNER OF ONE OF THE LARGEST
FUNERAL HOME CHAINS IN THE COUNTRY.
- DOES HE HAVE
A BIG ADVERTISING ACCOUNT?
- THE BIGGEST.
AND HE'S ON HIS WAY TO
CINCINNATI TO... BURY US ALL.
OOH!
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
HERB, WHY WOULD A CHAIN OF FUNERAL HOMES
WANNA ADVERTISE ON A ROCK-AND-ROLL STATION?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T CARE.
JUST BE CALM AND PRETEND WE
DON'T NEED THE BUSINESS, OKAY?
MY. COMMISSION CITY, OPEN YOUR
PEARLY GATES TO HERB TARLEK AND SAY...
THERE'S A DEAD MAN IN THE LOBBY.
THAT'S FERRYMAN.
I DON'T THINK I LIKE
THE SOUND OF THIS.
OH, THERE'S NOTHIN' WRONG WITH
A FUNERAL HOME ACCOUNT, TRAVIS.
MR. CARLSON, MEET MR. FERRYMAN.
MR. FERRYMAN, THIS IS MR. CARLSON,
OUR CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER...
AND PRESIDENT OF
WKRP ENTERPRISES.
OH, AND THIS IS ANDY TRAVIS, VICE
PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF PROGRAMMING.
GENTLEMEN, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
UH... HAVE A SEAT, SIR.
UH-UH, SIT DOWN RIGHT HERE.
JUST, UH, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
UH, CAN I, UH, GET YOU A CIGAR?
THAT WOULD BE NICE. CIGAR.
I DON'T HAVE ANY CIGARS. TRAVIS?
UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CIGARS!
GENTLEMEN, I'LL COME
STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.
DO IT.
I HAVE JUST OPENED A CHAIN OF
SIX FUNERAL HOMES IN CINCINNATI.
I WANT TO ADVERTISE.
UH, YEAH. ON A
ROCK-AND-ROLL STATION?
YES. THAT'S HOW I
DID IT IN CALIFORNIA.
YOU SEE, I'M A VOLUME DEALER.
I'VE GOT TO MOVE THEM
IN AND MOVE THEM OUT.
UNFORTUNATELY, PEOPLE AREN'T
DYING FAST ENOUGH NOWADAYS.
IT'S A PROBLEM.
SO, NOWADAYS, I'M MOSTLY
SELLING PRE-NEED TO YOUNG PEOPLE.
MOST OF YOUR
LISTENERS ARE YOUNG?
UH, YEAH, MOST OF 'EM.
AND, UH, BUYING A CEMETERY PLOT
WOULD BE THE LAST THING ON THEIR MINDS?
WELL, I'D SAY IT'D BE PRETTY
FAR DOWN THE LIST, YEAH. YEAH.
SO WHY NOT BUY AHEAD OF TIME? WOULDN'T
THAT SAVE THEM A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY?
WOULDN'T THAT BE A NICE
HEDGE AGAINST INFLATION?
GENTLEMEN. IT SURE WOULD.
MY BROCHURE. IT EXPLAINS
EVERYTHING. IT'S HEAVY.
IN MY BUSINESS,
PEOPLE WANT HEAVY.
"OVER 6,000 SATISFIED
CUSTOMERS"?
THAT'S YOUR SLOGAN?
YES. BUT I NEED SOMETHING NEW.
YOU GENTLEMEN COME
UP WITH SOMETHING.
NO PROBLEM. YEAH.
I THINK, UH, WE CAN COME
UP WITH SOMETHING HERE. UH...
HOW ABOUT, UH... HOW ABOUT THIS?
MUSIC COMES UP.
♪ HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH ♪
♪ HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH ♪♪
I DON'T WANT THAT. I WANT
SOMETHING LIGHT AND BOUNCY.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT, UH...
♪ HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH
HOO, RAH, HOO, RAH ♪
♪♪ THAT'S BETTER.
UH, MR. FERRYMAN,
I THINK, SIR, YOU'D BE WISE TO
TAKE YOUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.
YEAH, I MUST SAY THAT
I AGREE WITH THAT.
THIRTY COMMERCIALS A DAY...
AT $20 A COMMERCIAL.
THAT'S $600 A DAY.
UH,
MAY WE THINK, UH, THAT OVER
AND-AND GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT ONE?
OF COURSE.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
MR. FERRYMAN! HOLD IT!
LISTEN TO THIS.
"FERRYMAN'S FINE FUNERALS.
PIONEERS IN FOLLOW-THROUGH."
HUH. "FROM PRE-NEED
COUNSELING BY OUR
PROFESSIONALLY-TRAINED
'GRIEF GUIDES.'
"FERRYMAN WAS FIRST WITH
DRIVE-IN GRAVESIDE SERVICES.
ALL-ELECTRIC ETERNAL FLAME"?
"AND MOURNERS AS YOU NEED THEM."
THIS IS DEEPLY WEIRD, MAN.
IT IS ALSO THE BIGGEST
ADVERTISING CLIENT WE'VE EVER HAD.
WE ARE ALL GONNA GET RICH.
IS THAT RIGHT, ANDY?
IT'S A BIG CONTRACT.
HOW BIG? SATURATION BUY,
30 SPOTS A DAY EVERY SINGLE DAY.
HEY, MAN, HOW IS
THAT GONNA SOUND?
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK TO THE MUSIC AFTER
THESE IMPORTANT WORDS ABOUT DEATH.
WAIT. THIS GUY WANTS
A ROCK-AND-ROLL JINGLE,
AND BY GOLLY, WE'RE
GONNA GIVE HIM ONE.
I GUESS I SHOULD SAY YOU ARE.
I AM?
USED TO HAVE A BAND,
DIDN'T YOU? YEAH.
OKAY, LOOK, LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
CAN'T WE DO A CHEAPO COMMERCIAL?
I MEAN, HIRE PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS,
BUT MAYBE SING THE JINGLE OURSELVES.
CAN ANYBODY AROUND HERE SING?
ANY JERK CAN SING. NOW LISTEN.
THESE ARE THE COPY POINTS THAT
YOU GOTTA WORK INTO THE JINGLE, OKAY?
NOW, "A: ALL-WEATHER
FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
UH, THAT'S PLASTIC FLOWERS.
MAINTENANCE-FREE
ARTIFICIAL TURF."
PLASTIC GRASS.
THEY ACCEPT ALL
MAJOR CREDIT CARDS."
THAT'D BE YOUR PLASTIC MONEY.
"SIX CONVENIENT
LOCATIONS, OPEN WEEKENDS,
"ALL-NIGHT HOTLINE,
GROUP DISCOUNT RATES...
AND... FREE PARKING."
HOW AM I GONNA GET ALL
THIS STUFF INTO ONE SONG?
COME ON NOW, VENUS. JUST
WRITE A CATCHY LITTLE TUNE.
MAKE IT LIGHT, MAKE IT EXCITING.
WELL, OKAY. OKAY. GOOD.
I'LL CALL AROUND, TRY TO BOOK A
STUDIO. HERB, YOU CAN, UH, MAYBE...
AUDITION THE SINGERS. GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, COME ON,
EVERYBODY. LET'S HOP TO IT!
JOHN?
SING SOMETHIN' FOR ME.
FEVER. HI, LADIES.
- HI.
- CAN EITHER OF YOU SING?
- UH, I SANG IN THE CHORUS
IN SCHOOL.
- SING SOMETHING.
OH, NO. I COULDN'T
SING IN PUBLIC.
NO, COME ON,
BAILEY. NO, COME ON.
COME ON. NO, I
COULDN'T DO IT. NO!
COME ON. SING. SING A SONG.
SING OF GOOD THINGS... HERB.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD.
♪ AMAZING GRACE ♪
♪ HOW SWEET THE SOUND ♪
♪ THAT SAVED A WRETCH ♪
♪ LIKE ME ♪
♪ I ONCE WAS LOST ♪
♪ BUT NOW I'M FOUND ♪
♪ WAS BLIND ♪
♪ BUT NOW I SEE ♪♪
OUT OF SIGHT!
BEAUTIFUL.
MISS BAILEY QUARTERS.
OKAY, JENNIFER, YOU'RE NEXT.
UH, WHAT WOULD I SING?
ANYTHING. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
AH! THERE YOU GO.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
COME ON.
♪ HAPPY ♪
♪ BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY ♪
♪ BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ DEAR HERBIE ♪
♪ HAPPY ♪
♪ BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ TO ♪
♪ YOU ♪♪
ALL RIGHT.
GET, UH, JENNIFER ON
THAT LIST, QUICKLY. YEAH.
THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT... ARE
YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO STAY AWAKE?
THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT IS
THAT I BE ABLE TO STAY AWAKE.
- YEAH. RIGHT IN THERE.
- MR. FERRYMAN, THIS IS WHERE
WE PUT IT ALL TOGETHER.
MR. FERRYMAN, HOW ARE YOU, SIR?
READY TO COOK.
WHERE ARE THE PICKERS?
WELL, NOW, UH, SIR, THE MUSICIANS
ALREADY LAID DOWN ALL THEIR TRACKS,
BUT OUR PROFESSIONAL SINGERS
ARE REHEARSED AND RARIN' TO GO.
WHAT PROFESSIONAL SINGERS?
UH, THESE PROFESSIONAL SINGERS!
♪ MMM ♪
GOOD GRIEF.
MR. FERRYMAN, UH, THIS IS
OUR PROFESSIONAL ANNOUNCER.
AND, UH, HE'LL BE, UH, READING
THE PROFESSIONAL SALES COPY.
UH, JOHN, SAY HELLO.
EXCUSE ME. UH, SIR, WE
HAVE TO GO. WHY DON'T
YOU STEP IN THE BOOTH?
WE CAN HEAR BETTER.
REMEMBER, KEEP IT
YOUNG, KEEP IT HIP.
HIP? YEP.
UH, YOU READY? YOU BET.
OKAY, CHARLIE? EVERYBODY
SETTLE DOWN. OKAY.
YOU READY, JOHNNY?
ROLL TAPE! TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE ONE!
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
CUT! YEAH?
PUT MORE EMPHASIS ON "FERRYMAN."
HE'S RIGHT. I'M SORRY. UH, THERE SHOULD BE
MORE EMPHASIS ON "FERRYMAN." THAT'S ALL.
- EMPHASIZE FERRYMAN, JOHNNY. ROLL TAPE!
- TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE TWO!
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE... R-R...
CUT!
- YES?
- I THINK "LOVED ONES"
NEEDS MORE LOVE.
WELL, OF COURSE
IT DOES. DO IT, GUYS.
I MEAN, WHY DON'T I THINK
OF THESE THINGS MYSELF?
RIGHT. MORE LOVE, JOHNNY.
ROLL TAPE! TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE THREE!
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
UGH. UGH. CUT! WHAT IS IT NOW?
UH, PUNCH UP
"REASONABLE." THAT'S ALL.
PUNCH UP RE... PUNCH IT.
JOHNNY, CAN YOU PUNCH THAT UP?
PUNCH? RIGHT.
HERB, I'M GONNA COME
OUT THERE AND PUNCH YOU.
ROLL TAPE. TAPE'S ROLLING.
FERRYMAN FUNERALS, TAKE FOUR.
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
HOW'S THAT? PERFECT.
TAPE'S STILL ROLLIN'.
EVERYBODY READY? YEAH.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
♪♪ ♪ HEY, YOU'RE
YOUNG AND SWINGIN' ♪
♪ NO TIME TO THINK
ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ BUT THERE AIN'T
NO WAY TO DENY IT ♪
♪ SOMEDAY YOU'RE GONNA BUY IT ♪
♪ SO PLAN TODAY FOR A FERRYMAN ♪
♪ TOMORROW ♪
♪ FERRYMAN, FERRYMAN ♪
♪ HE'S THE MAN WITH THE
PLOT THE MAN WITH THE PLAN ♪
♪ FERRYMAN, FERRYMAN ♪
♪ HE'S THE MORTICIAN
MAN WHO LOVES YOU ♪
♪ A LOT ♪
SIX... COUNT 'EM...
SIX CONVENIENT
LOCATIONS, PLUS GROUP
RATES AND FREE PARKING.
IT'S ALL YOURS AT
FERRYMAN FUNERAL HOMES.
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH BYE-BYE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ BYE-BYE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ BYE-BYE ♪♪
♪♪
HOW SOON, JOHNNY? WHAT?
I SAID HOW SOO... OH!
I'M SORRY. I'M MEAN,
UH, HOW SOON?
JUST KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON,
BAILEY. A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
- HEY, WE READY?
- YES. WHERE'S MR. CARLSON?
IN HIS OFFICE, I GUESS.
OKAY, THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT.
ALL RIGHT. MOVE OVER, STEVIE
WONDER. MAKE ROOM FOR THE 'TRAP.
♪♪
WE'LL BE PUMPING IT RIGHT ON THROUGH TO
"HEART OF GLASS" FROM BLONDIE IN A MOMENT.
BUT FIRST, DIG THESE
VERY IMPORTANT WORDS.
FERRYMAN MEMORIAL PARK
OFFERS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES...
COMPLETE FUNERAL SERVICES
AT A REASONABLE PRICE.
♪ HEY, YOU'RE
YOUNG AND SWINGIN' ♪
♪ NO TIME TO THINK
ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ WITH THE PLAN ♪
♪ FERRYMAN, FERRYMAN ♪
♪ HE'S THE MORTICIAN
MAN WHO LOVES YOU ♪
♪ A LOT ♪♪
OH, VENUS, CONGRATULATIONS
FOR A FINE, FINE COMPOSITION. SHH!
THANKS. MY BEST WORK TO DATE. ♪♪
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA
GET MY DOG OUT OF THE POUND,
AND MAYBE BUY A SET OF DRAPES.
YOU WERE WONDERFUL.
I KNOW, HERB.
HEY, MR. CARLSON.
SIR, DID YOU HEAR IT?
YEAH, I SURE DID.
GOOD, WASN'T IT?
I'M AMAZED THAT YOU CAN
ALL SING SO WELL TOGETHER.
YOU SHOULD BE COMMENDED
FOR THE FINE JOB THAT YOU DID.
HEY, CAN I SEE YOU FOR A
SECOND, ANDY? WELL, SURE THING.
THEY HAVE GONE TO
TALK ABOUT RAISES.
SOMETHING'S WRONG.
WHAT, IS FERRYMAN UPSET?
WELL, I'D SAY THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD
WORD FOR IT. HE'S, UH... HE'S VERY UPSET.
- WELL, WHY? WHAT DOES HE WANT?
- SIT DOWN, ANDY.
I'VE TOLD YOU I WANTED THIS
RADIO STATION TO MAKE MONEY.
OF COURSE, I'VE BEEN ON YOUR BACK
ABOUT THAT PRACTICALLY ALL THE TIME.
- WELL, WHY IS HE UPSET?
- THIS FERRYMAN ACCOUNT
IS THE BIGGEST THING...
THAT'S COME IN TO
THIS STATION IN YEARS.
I'VE DREAMED. I MEAN THAT.
I'VE LITERALLY DREAMED, WAITING FOR
SOMEBODY WITH THAT MUCH CASH TO COME TO US.
DON'T WORRY. IF FERRYMAN'S UPSET, WE'RE
GONNA STRAIGHTEN THIS WHOLE THING OUT.
ANDY, ANDY, LISTEN. I WANT YOU
TO KNOW I REALLY LIKE THE SONG.
I THINK THE JOB THAT EVERYBODY
DID ON THAT THING WAS MARVELOUS.
BUT, WELL, FRANKLY, WHERE I COME
FROM, THAT COMMERCIAL'S IN BAD TASTE.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
A FUNERAL PARLOR TALKING
ABOUT VOLUME BUSINESS.
G-GROUP RATES? CREDIT CARDS?
"ONE DAY YOU'RE GONNA BUY IT."
WE-WE-WE GOTTA TAKE
A STANCE. DON'T WE?
I MEAN, REGARDLESS OF THE
AMOUNT OF MONEY INVOLVED.
HUH? LOOK, I WANNA BE A
WINNER AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY.
HUH. I'D LIKE TO HAVE THE PEOPLE IN RADIO
IN THIS TOWN RESPECT US FOR WHAT WE DO.
WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO IS BE
ABLE TO BUY MY WIFE A FUR COAT...
AND MAYBE TAKE HER ON ONE OF THOSE
SPECIAL, YOU KNOW, LITTLE VACATIONS.
YEAH, BUT I DON'T...
MR. CARLSON.
YOU RESIGNED THE
ACCOUNT, DIDN'T YOU?
I DID, YEAH.
OH, MR. CARLSON.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON.
- GOOD MORNING.
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
THIS IS A CHECK FOR THE
FIRST MONTH IN ADVANCE...
$18,000.
NOW LET ME SEE YOU
RESIGN THE ACCOUNT.
WE, UH... WE RESPECTFULLY
RESIGN, MR. FERRYMAN.
C-CAN I HOLD THAT
THING FOR A MINUTE?
OF COURSE.
IT'S HEAVY.
MR. FERRYMAN, HOW'S IT GOING?
OH, HELLO, HAL. UH,
HERB. LET'S HAVE LUNCH.
YOUR MR. CARLSON HAS
JUST RESIGNED MY ACCOUNT.
- WHAT?
- UH, THAT'S RIGHT. HERE, MR. FERRYMAN.
W-WAIT A MINUTE. 18,000...
NOW, LOOK. WE'RE
GONNA CASH THIS,
AND I'M GONNA HAVE IT STUFFED
AND PLACED OVER MY MANTEL.
LOOK, MR. FERRYMAN, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM. WE NEED YOUR BUSINESS.
OH... OH, SO TERRIBLY.
LOOK, DON'T FORGET LUNCH.
- WILL YOU STOP IT?
- NO, I WON'T STOP IT.
THEN YOU'RE FIRED.
I JUST MADE THE
BIGGEST SALE IN MY LIFE.
IF YOU FIRE ME, I'LL BLOW UP THIS
WHOLE BUILDING AND EVERYBODY IN IT.
EXCEPT YOU, MR. FERRYMAN.
GOD LOVE YOU.
MR. FERRYMAN, HERE,
PLEASE. TAKE YOUR CHECK.
TAKE IT.
WE WISH YOU THE VERY BEST,
BUT, UH, SIR, WE ARE... WE'RE OUT.
THANKS, ANDY.
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
JUST, UH, GIVE ME MY JINGLE,
AND I'LL BE ON MY MERRY WAY.
OH, NO. UH-UH. YOU DIDN'T
PAY FOR THAT JINGLE.
IT'S NOT YOURS. IT'S OURS.
AND... WE'RE GONNA BURN IT.
- I'LL SUE.
- OH, FINE. THE WAY THE COURTS
ARE WORKING TODAY,
WE'LL PROBABLY BE, UH, CUSTOMERS
OF YOURS BEFORE IT GETS TO TRIAL.
MY LAWYER WILL
CONTACT YOUR LAWYER.
SIR, WE CAN'T AFFORD LAWYERS, SO WHY
DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR LAWYER CONTACT HERB?
WE'LL HAVE LUNCH.
SIR, I'VE BEEN CURIOUS
ABOUT ONE THING.
THERE'S A LOT OF ROCK-AND-ROLL STATIONS
IN CINCINNATI. WHY'D YOU PICK OURS?
I CHECKED AROUND.
I FIGURED THIS STATION WAS JUST
BAD ENOUGH OFF TO TAKE MY BUSINESS.
THANKS.
NOW I'LL HAVE TO FIND A STATION
WITH EVEN LOWER RATINGS THAN YOURS.
YEAH, WELL, GOOD LUCK!
MEN, THERE GOES THE BIGGEST CHUNK OF
BUSINESS THAT EVER WALKED IN TO WKRP.
AH.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE.
OH, AND, HERB? HMM?
YOU'RE A GUTSY GUY TOO.
THANKS.
WELL, BIG GUY, UH, AM I FIRED?
NO. I DON'T THINK WE COULD
GET ALONG WITHOUT YOU, HERB.
THANKS.
I WANNA GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.
WE HAD THE ACCOUNT,
AND I WAS FIRED.
AND THEN WE LOST
IT, AND I WAS REHIRED.
THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY, FINE.
I JUST WANNA GET STRAIGHT
HOW THINGS RUN AROUND HERE.
- HERB!
- YES, SIR.
UH, LET'S GO TO
LUNCH PRETTY SOON.
- YOU MEAN IT?
- YEAH.
BIG GUY. AH... NO KISSING, HERB!
HEY? I DID IT.
I FINALLY LANDED THE MORRISON
TIRE COMPANY ACCOUNT.
HOW'D YOU DO
THAT? I'M A SALESMAN.
WILLY LOMAN HAS NOTHIN' ON ME.
LISTEN TO THIS. ♪♪
♪ HEY, YOU'RE
YOUNG AND SWINGIN' ♪
♪ NO TIME TO THINK
ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ BUT THERE AIN'T
NO USE IN DENYIN' IT ♪
♪ ONE DAY YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE A FLAT ♪
♪ SO PLAN TODAY FOR A MORRISON ♪
♪ TOMORROW ♪
♪ MORRISON, MORRISON ♪
♪ HE'S THE MAN WITH THE
JACK THE MAN WITH THE PLAN ♪
♪ MORRISON, MORRISON ♪
♪ HE'S THE TIRE-MAKIN'
MAN WHO LOVES YOU ♪
♪ A LOT ♪
HEY!
- ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH
OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
- HEY!
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ BYE-BYE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪