WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 18 - Who Is Gordon Sims? - full transcript
When Venus has an issue with his photo being used in a promotion, he reveals that his real name is Gordon Sims and that he is a Vietnam War deserter. An emotionally mixed Carlson helps Venus turn himself into the army, get his story out, and give restitution.
OH, JOHN. GOOD.
STAND OVER HERE
UNDER THE WKRP SIGN.
YEAH. OH, THAT'S GOOD.
OKAY, LET'S SHOOT HIM.
HEY, LAST WORDS. HOLD IT.
WHAT... WHAT IS THIS FOR?
IT'S A FULL-PAGE AD
IN THE NEWSPAPER...
TO PROMOTE YOURS AND
VENUS'S PERSONAL APPEARANCE...
AT HEINRICH MALZER'S
WORLD OF ORIENTAL BARGAINS.
- THE USED CAR GUY?
- THAT'S HIM.
FORGET IT. I DON'T DO
PERSONAL APPEARANCES.
WAIT, JOHN, JOHN.
JOHNNY, JOHNNY, PLEASE.
WOULD YOU TRY TO LOOK LIKE
A DEDICATED PROFESSIONAL?
SURE.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?
LOOK, VENUS, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
LOOK, WOULD YOU MIND STEPPING
OVER HERE UNDER THE WKRP SIGN?
THAT'S TERRIFIC. THAT'LL
BE FINE RIGHT THERE.
NOW, UH, WET
YOUR LIPS. LIKE THAT.
AND PRETEND THAT YOU'RE
HAPPY. OKAY, SHOOT HIM, LES.
- LES?
- YES, VENUS?
YOU TAKE MY PICTURE, I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR ARMS AND YOUR CAMERA.
YOU WILL? NO, NO. IT'S A JOKE.
- SHOOT HIM, LES. GO AHEAD.
- I'M NOT JOKING, LESTER.
HEY, VENUS, IT'S JUST SOME
JIVE AD FOR THE PAPER, MAN.
IN THAT CASE, YOU CAN
DEFINITELY FORGET IT.
THIS IS SILLY. GIVE ME THAT.
HEY, VENUS?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH VENUS, JOHNNY?
I DON'T KNOW, LES. YOU KNOW MEN.
WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN
LITTLE... PECULIARITIES.
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
BAILEY, DO WE HAVE
EVERYBODY'S HOME ADDRESS?
YEAH, I THINK SO.
IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE.
- YOU GOT JOHNNY'S?
- FEVER.
NOPE.
- YOU GOT LES'S?
- NESSMAN.
- NOPE.
- WELL, DO YOU HAVE YOURS?
QUARTERS. UH-UH.
DO YOU HAVE ANYBODY'S? YEAH.
A MR. LOUIS DE ANGELISTO.
WELL, WHO'S HE? I DON'T KNOW.
A HECK OF A SYSTEM
YOU GOT THERE, BAILEY.
Y-YOU WANT ME TO FIX
IT? UH, YEAH, PLEASE.
TRAVIS? UH-HUH.
WE GOTTA HAVE A
POWWOW. WE DO, HUH?
YEP. ANDY, SOMETHING
TERRIBLE HAPPENED.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, LES? IS
THE WATER FOUNTAIN BROKEN?
NOT THIS TIME.
THIS MORNING, VENUS FLYTRAP
THREATENED LES NESSMAN PHYSICALLY,
THEN TRIED TO STICK
EKTACHROME INTO MY MOUTH.
WHAT?
THIS MORNING, VENUS
FLYTRAP THREATENED LES...
TELL HIM, LES. TELL HIM.
ANDY, THIS MORNING, VENUS
FLYTRAP... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
AFTER THE EKTACHROME. ANDY,
SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH VENUS.
HE REFUSED TO LET ME TAKE THIS
PICTURE FOR THE CAR DEALER AD.
OH, HE WENT CRAZY.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT
IT? GEE WHIZ, HERB. LET ME SEE.
HOW WELL DO WE REALLY
KNOW VENUS ANYWAY?
OH, COME ON, LES. SPARE ME
WITH YOUR THEORIES, ALL RIGHT?
ANDY, WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW HIS REAL NAME.
WE DON'T KNOW WHERE HE'S
REALLY FROM. COME ON, LES!
BAILEY, YOU'RE HIS FRIEND.
WHAT DO YOU REALLY
KNOW ABOUT VENUS?
YOU PROMISE NOT
TO TELL? I SWEAR.
WELL, UH, YOU'RE GONNA THINK
THIS IS A LITTLE CRAZY AT FIRST,
BUT, UH, I THINK HE'S BLACK.
THAT'S RIGHT!
HA, HA, HA. VERY FUNNY.
WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHERE HE LIVES.
WE DON'T KNOW WHERE
ANYBODY LIVES, LES.
WHAT? ANDY,
DO YOU REALIZE THAT HE COMES IN HERE
LATE AT NIGHT WHEN NONE OF US ARE AROUND?
YES. GO ON.
WHY DO YOU THINK
HE DOES THAT, ANDY?
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE HE'S
A NIGHTTIME DEEJAY, LES.
EXCUSE ME, SHERLOCK. LOOK, ANDY,
THE BIG GUY REALLY WANTS THIS AD.
OKAY, I'LL TALK WITH
HIM TONIGHT, HERB.
THANKS. AND, BAILEY,
SEE IF YOU CAN GET EVERYBODY'S
HOME ADDRESS, OKAY?
SURE. WHY DOES HE
WEAR THOSE CLOTHES?
SHUT UP, LES.
ALL THOSE LITTLE
MIRRORS ON HIS TROUSERS.
LOOK, LET'S GO GET SOME MORE
SHOTS OF JENNIFER. COME ON.
HERB, WE ALREADY HAVE A
HUNDRED PICTURES OF JENNIFER.
LOOK, I BUY THE
FILM... I SAY WE SHOOT.
JOHN. HERBERT.
HEY, BAILEY. OH, JOHNNY,
COULD YOU PLEASE
TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE?
- YOU'VE BEEN THERE.
- YEAH, BUT I NEED THE ADDRESS.
THE ADDRESS.
YOU KNOW, I WALK BY
THAT MAILBOX EVERY DAY.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE PHONE NUMBER?
PHONE NUMBER.
UH, I KNOW THERE
ARE SEVEN DIGITS.
UH, I... IT'S STARTS
6-5... NO. NO, IT'S 2.
AND, IN FACT, THERE ARE MANY EXAMPLES
IN HISTORY OF HOGS REPLACING HORSES.
IN THE 19th CENTURY, AN ENGLISH
GENTLEMAN TRAINED SWINE...
AND DROVE FOREIGN HAM THROUGH
LONDON WITH THESE CURIOUS STEEDS.
ALTOGETHER, WHEN HIS POTENTIAL
ISN'T REPRESSED, AS IT ORDINARILY IS,
THE PIG IS A VERITABLE PANDORA'S
BOX OF EXCITING POSSIBILITIES.
THIS HAS BEEN LES NESSMAN WITH A
WRAP-UP OF TODAY'S MAJOR NEWS STORIES.
STAY TUNED FOR THE, UH, VENUS
FLYTRAP SHOW IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING.
♪♪ THE ISSUES AND
EVENTS THAT SHAPE OUR TIME.
LES NESSMAN, FROM THE
FOUR CORNERS OF THE WORLD,
FROM THE NEWS CAPITALS...
- HI, LES.
- HI, VENUS.
LES, ABOUT THIS MORNING...
I'LL JUST GET MY TEAR
SHEETS AND BY ON MY...
I'M SORRY, VENUS. IT'S
OKAY, MAN. IT'S OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT. YEAH.
HEY, LOOK, MAN...
I'M SORRY.
DAMN.
♪♪ BANGKOK, MOSCOW, CINCINNATI.
LES NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
ALL RIGHT, MY CHILDREN,
THIS IS WKRP IN CINCINNATI...
WITH MORE MUSIC AND LES NESSMAN.
YOU'RE LISTENING TO VENUS
FLYTRAP, FIRST OFFICER OF FUNK.
CLEARANCE FROM THE TOWER. SEAT
BELTS FASTENED. HEADPHONES ON.
THE STEWARDESS WILL START
DANCING IN THE AISLES, PLEASE,
AS WE BEGIN OUR ASCENT.
♪♪
WHAT'S HAPPENING, ANDY? OH,
NOT MUCH. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF?
OOH. MET ME A NICE
LADY LAST NIGHT.
WHOO-HOO. BEAUTIFUL.
UH-HUH. AND ALL
I HAD TO SAY WAS,
"HEY, MAMA, WHAT IT IS
WITH YOUR FINE SELF?"
SEE, THAT'S HOW BLACK
GUYS TALK TO LADIES.
YOU KNOW, WAY DOWN HERE.
THEY TALK TO ONE
ANOTHER LIKE THIS.
HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S
GOIN' ON? WHAT IT IS?
SEE, THEN A FINE LADY
WALK BY. THEY GO...
"HEY, MAMA, CAN I
WALK YOU HOME?"
YEAH, I CAN DIG IT. ALL RIGHT.
SO, VENUS... YEAH?
WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING?
NOTHING, ANDY. FORGET IT.
WHY WON'T YOU LET
LES TAKE YOUR PICTURE?
JUST DON'T WANT
HIM TO. THAT'S ALL.
VENUS, WE NEED THAT PICTURE
FOR THE ADVERTISEMENT.
UH, CAN I PASS ON THIS
ONE? ALL RIGHTY? OKAY.
NO. I NEED A GOOD REASON.
OKAY.
THERE'S THIS GUY
NAMED GORDON SIMS, SEE?
YEAH. WELL, UH, HE'S HOT, MAN.
HE'S WANTED BY THE
LAW. YOU UNDERSTAND?
GO ON.
WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT OLD
GORDON TO GET INTO ANY TROUBLE.
HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
UH, I LOVE THE MAN.
♪♪
♪♪
EXECUTING A SOUTHERLY TURN
DOWN THE MIGHTY OHIO RIVER...
AND HEADED INTO A DEEP
PURPLE, FROSTY NIGHT...
WITH, UH, NO PARTICULAR
PLACE TO LAND.
♪♪
GORDON,
WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THIS TOMORROW, OKAY?
UH-OH!
DID YOU CALL ME?
NO. UH, IT WAS THE RAFT.
OH. THEN COULD BAILEY AND
I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
OH, YEAH, SURE, FINE.
UH, COME IN. COME IN.
- HELLO, MR. CARLSON.
- OH, HI. YEAH.
MR. CARLSON, BAILEY AND I WOULD LIKE
TO JOIN THE WOMEN IN BROADCASTING CLUB.
UH-HUH. AND USUALLY THE EMPLOYER
PAYS THE DUES OF THE MEMBERS.
- I SEE.
- THERE'S ALSO
AN INITIATION FEE.
FINE. NO PROBLEM. OH. THANK YOU.
UH, WHAT DOES THIS
ASSOCIATION DO?
OH, ALL SORTS OF
IMPORTANT THINGS.
THEY'RE PLANNING ON
PICKETING THIS VERY
STATION FOR NOT HAVING
A FEMALE DISK JOCKEY.
AH, WELL, I GUESS IN ESSENCE
I'D BE HELPING TO PAY FOR THAT.
YEP. AH.
WELL, REAL GOOD.
NICE RAFT.
OH, YOU NOTICED, HUH? YEAH,
I'M-I'M REAL PROUD OF IT. UH...
IF I COULD JUST FIGURE A WAY
TO DEFLATE THIS DARN THING.
I'LL NEVER GET IT
THROUGH THAT DOOR.
I GOT IT.
OH, I HATE TO DO THIS.
HI.
OH.
UM, HI, TRAVIS. COME ON IN.
SACRIFICING RAFTS?
I JUST COULDN'T FIND A
WAY TO GET IT DEFLATED.
UH-HUH. UH, LISTEN, SIR, I
THINK WE CAN GO AHEAD...
AND RUN THAT ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE
CAR DEALER WITHOUT VENUS'S PICTURE.
- WHY?
- HATES TO HAVE HIS PICTURE
TAKEN, I GUESS.
THAT'S CRAZY. LOOK, I
GAVE A DIRECT ORDER,
AND FOR ONCE I'D LIKE
TO HAVE IT CARRIED OUT.
UH, HE CAN'T.
GIVE ME ONE GOOD
REASON WHY HE CAN'T.
WELL, UH, I-I CAN'T.
AH, COME IN.
UH, HI, MR. CARLSON.
VENUS, WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO PULL?
SIR, HE'S NOT TRYING TO PULL
ANYTHING. IT'S OKAY, ANDY.
MR. CARLSON, UH, I'D BE TAKING TOO MUCH OF
A CHANCE IF I HAD MY PICTURE IN THE PAPER.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
- WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE
TROUBLE WITH THE LAW.
- WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE?
I CAN GET MY ATTORNEY ON THE PHONE.
WE CAN GET THIS THING TAKEN CARE OF.
MR. CARLSON, UH...
I'M A DESERTER FROM
THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
FOR THE PAST, UH, EIGHT YEARS...
I'VE BEEN LIVING UNDER
FALSE NAMES AND I.D.'s NOW.
WELL, FORGIVE
ME, VENUS, BUT I...
LOOK, LOOK, EIGHT YEARS WAS
A LONG TIME AGO. I THINK THAT...
- DESERTER?
- YES, SIR.
HE WAS A KID. HE PROBABLY
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING.
YOU RAN AWAY? YEAH.
LOOK, SIR, THE POINT OF THIS IS NOBODY
NEEDS TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
- TRAVIS, I KNOW.
- IT WAS VIETNAM!
WHAT DIFFERENCE IS THAT
SUPPOSED TO MAKE? PLENTY!
ANDY, IT'S OKAY. YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY. I'M QUITTING.
- IF IT WAS ANYTHING ELSE...
- MR. CARLSON, WE CANNOT ASK HIM TO QUIT.
I'M SORRY, TRAVIS, BUT I
CANNOT CONDONE THIS...
CAN I?
YOU WERE IN THE MARINES, RIGHT?
- YES.
- DID YOU SEE ANY COMBAT?
YES.
WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I SAW
AN AWFUL LOT OF COMBAT MYSELF.
SO I GUESS I UNDERSTAND HOW
YOU FEEL, SO I'LL JUST BE MOVING ON.
OH, THAT'S A
GUTLESS THING TO DO.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID. I SAID THAT'S
A... THAT'S A GUTLESS THING TO DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
HELL YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT!
HOLD IT. NOW LET'S EVERY...
JUST KEEP IT CALM, OKAY?
YOU'RE GONNA RUN AND RUN...
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO... TURN
MYSELF IN, GO STAND BEFORE A FIRING SQUAD?
THE ARMY DOESN'T HAVE
FIRING SQUADS ANYMORE.
YEAH, BUT THEY
HAVE PRISON, RIGHT?
ARE YOU SAYING THEY CAN'T MAKE
A FAIR, RATIONAL, HUMANE DECISION?
MR. CARLSON, LOOK, I DON'T
EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME...
OR OUR GENERATION OR MY
COLOR OR THAT WAR I GOT STUCK IN.
BUT I'M A DECENT
MAN. YES, SIR, I AM.
OKAY. THEN LET'S BUILD ON THAT.
I'LL GET MY ATTORNEY ON THE
PHONE. HE'LL CALL THE ARMY.
WE'LL JUST TAKE A LOOK
AT WHERE WE ARE HERE.
ANDY, WOULD YOU
TALK TO THIS MAN?
VENUS, SIT DOWN.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
I JUST WANT YOU TO PUT YOURSELF
IN MY HANDS FOR A LITTLE BIT.
I MEAN, I WAS AN OFFICER. I KNOW
HOW TO HANDLE THESE THINGS.
ALL RIGHT. WHERE'S MY PHONE?
IT'S, UH, UNDER YOUR RAFT, SIR.
OH, YEAH.
OH, MAN, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
AH, COME ON. WE'RE HERE NOW.
YEAH, OKAY.
LOOK, WHEN THEY COME IN, TELL
'EM GORDON SIMS JUST LEFT, OKAY?
W-W-W-WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO'S GORDON SIMS?
NEVER MIND.
LET'S JUST CALM DOWN. I MEAN,
THEY'RE GONNA BE FAIR WITH US.
MR. CARLSON, YOU
LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD.
GENTLEMEN, I'M
MAJOR EDMUND HUNTER.
I'LL BE THE INVESTIGATING
OFFICER IN THIS CASE.
HI. HI. I'M GORDON SIMS.
- VENUS, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
- SIT DOWN, GENTLEMEN.
NOW, MR. SIMS...
LOOK, HE'S NOT SIMS. HIS
NAME IS VENUS FLYTRAP.
OH. THEN YOU'RE SIMS?
HOW MANY YEARS
HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING?
I'M GORDON SIMS.
THAT'S MY REAL NAME.
YEAH?
MAJOR, UH, WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN TO ME?
ANY NUMBER OF THINGS, MR. SIMS.
- THEY'RE NOT GONNA
SHOOT HIM, ARE THEY?
- WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
AH, SEE?
YOU KNOW, WHAT THIS
MAN DID WAS WRONG.
IT WAS VERY WRONG. BUT
THE WAY I SEE IT, MAJOR...
MR. SIMS, I'VE GONE
OVER THE ARMY'S REPORT.
NOW I'LL NEED YOUR
SIDE OF THE STORY.
WELL, I HATED
THE WAR, SO I LEFT.
COME ON, SIMS.
NO, THAT'S IT. YOU
WERE IN VIETNAM.
I WAS. IN SAIGON.
WELL, I DIDN'T GET THERE MUCH.
I WAS IN CU CHI,
CHEO REO, BAN SONG.
KEPT US BLACK FOLKS
PRETTY CLOSE TO THE ACTION.
VENUS, THE MAN IS
TRYING TO HELP YOU.
YEAH, WELL... OKAY,
HERE'S MY STORY.
NOW, THIS IS HIS STORY.
YOU WRITE THIS DOWN.
WHO IS THIS GUY?
MY FATHER.
OKAY, LET'S HEAR YOUR STORY.
JUST REMEMBER
I'VE HEARD THEM ALL.
YEAH.
WELL, UM... I HAD
JUST COME BACK...
FROM WHAT SEEMED
LIKE MY 8,000th FIREFIGHT.
I WAS WITH A GUY WE
CALLED WEIRD LARRY.
WEIRD LARRY USED TO SLEEP ALL DAY
AND THEN GO OUT AT NIGHT TO HUNT.
HE'D SHOOT ANYTHING. I
WAS JUST THE OPPOSITE.
I GOT SO I COULDN'T
PULL THE TRIGGER.
SOME GOT LIKE THAT.
SOME GOT LIKE WEIRD LARRY.
I GOT SO I HATED
WEIRD LARRY'S GUTS.
WELL, ANYWAY, WE
WERE ON OUR WAY OUT,
AND, UH, WE GOT A
CHOPPER TO SAIGON.
WERE YOU PLANNING
TO DESERT THEN?
NO. WE WERE ON OUR WAY
HOME. IT WAS OVER FOR US.
WELL, ANYWAY, UH, RIGHT
OUTSIDE OF DA NANG,
THE CHOPPER GOT A CALL
FROM AN S-AND-D TEAM.
THEY HAD SOME
VIETCONG PRISONERS.
AND WE PUT DOWN
IN THIS SMALL VILLAGE,
AND FIVE MINUTES LATER
WE WERE BACK IN THE AIR...
WITH THREE CHARLIES,
A COUPLE ARVN INTERROGATORS...
OUR GUYS, THE PEOPLE WE
WERE FIGHTING TO HELP, RIGHT?
AND YOU WENT TO SAIGON?
YEAH.
BUT ON THE WAY,
THEY START QUESTIONING
THESE PRISONERS,
AND I DON'T THINK THEY
WANTED TO TALK, BECAUSE, UH...
WELL, BECAUSE THEY TOSSED
ONE OF 'EM RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.
RIGHT OUT THE DOOR. WE WERE
AT ABOUT A THOUSAND FEET.
GO ON.
YEAH.
WELL, UH, THEY GOT THIS
OTHER GUY, AND THERE HE GOES.
WEIRD LARRY AND I WERE JUST KIND
OF SITTING THERE WATCHING ALL OF THIS,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN WEIRD STARTED
GIGGLING, LIKE HE'S LOVING THIS, RIGHT?
THEN HE TURNED
AT ME AND HE SMILED.
AND, UH, HE STOOD UP,
AND HE WALKED RIGHT
OUT THE DOOR TOO.
BOY, WEIRD LARRY SHOWED
ME WHAT IT WAS RIGHT ABOUT...
RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
I SAW IT!
AFTER 10 MONTHS AND
29 DAYS, I FINALLY GOT IT!
YEAH.
WELL, SOMETHING JUST SNAPPED.
WEIRD LARRY TOOK HIS WAY
OUT. I DECIDED TO TAKE MINE.
SO WHEN WE GOT
BACK TO THE STATES,
I TURNED LEFT INSTEAD OF
TURNING RIGHT AT THE AIRPORT,
AND THAT WAS THE LAST ANYBODY
EVER SAW OF OLD GORDON SIMS.
IT WAS EASY.
ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
ONE DAY YOU'RE IN A CHOPPER OVER
IN 'NAM WITH A GUY NAMED WEIRD LARRY,
AND A FEW DAYS LATER YOU'RE
DRIVING DOWN THE FREEWAYS OF L.A.
AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN 23 YET.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN SEEN
COMBAT THOSE LAST THREE WEEKS.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GONNA SAY?
FOR NOW.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
MR. SIMS, COULD WE SPEAK
WITHOUT YOUR FATHER PRESENT?
OH, NO. NO, YOU DON'T. I
KNOW HOW THE ARMY WORKS.
THE MARINES USED TO WORK THE SAME
WAY. BOY, YOU GUYS TAKE THE CAKE.
MR. SIMS, YOU WILL STAY ON THIS
BASE UNTIL I FINISH MY INVESTIGATION.
IT MIGHT TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
OH, NO, SIRREE. OH, NO. I
CAME HERE FOR ACTION.
NONE OF THIS ARMY
"HURRY UP AND WAIT" STUFF.
NO, SIR, WHAT I WANT IS JUSTICE, AND IF I
DON'T GET IT HERE, I'M GOING TO WASHINGTON.
I THINK A GENERAL DISCHARGE MIGHT BE IN
ORDER. I DON'T THINK THERE'LL BE A TRIAL.
REALLY?
I THINK UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
OH. WELL, UH...
GORDON? VENUS.
VENUS.
UH, I'LL HAVE YOUR
STUFF SENT OVER.
YEAH, UH, THANKS, POP.
WHEW. OH, BOY.
HERE YOU GO, JENNIFER.
A COMPLETE AND UP-TO-DATE
LIST OF ALL THE EMPLOYEES.
THEIR HOME ADDRESSES
AND PHONE NUMBERS.
- THANK YOU, BAILEY.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
JENNIFER, MAY I SEE
THAT LIST, PLEASE?
OH, SURE. THANK YOU.
FLYTRAP. FLYTRAP. OH, ANDY!
VENUS GAVE US HIS ADDRESS
AND HIS PHONE NUMBER.
AHA! WHAT DO YOU
MAKE OF THAT, LES?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.
WHERE HAS HE BEEN LATELY?
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR DAYS.
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
I CAN TAKE IT.
HE'S WORKING... FOR
THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
WHAT'S HE DOING FOR THEM?
HE'S PEELING POTATOES.
PEELING POTATOES?
OOH.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
STAND OVER HERE
UNDER THE WKRP SIGN.
YEAH. OH, THAT'S GOOD.
OKAY, LET'S SHOOT HIM.
HEY, LAST WORDS. HOLD IT.
WHAT... WHAT IS THIS FOR?
IT'S A FULL-PAGE AD
IN THE NEWSPAPER...
TO PROMOTE YOURS AND
VENUS'S PERSONAL APPEARANCE...
AT HEINRICH MALZER'S
WORLD OF ORIENTAL BARGAINS.
- THE USED CAR GUY?
- THAT'S HIM.
FORGET IT. I DON'T DO
PERSONAL APPEARANCES.
WAIT, JOHN, JOHN.
JOHNNY, JOHNNY, PLEASE.
WOULD YOU TRY TO LOOK LIKE
A DEDICATED PROFESSIONAL?
SURE.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?
LOOK, VENUS, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
LOOK, WOULD YOU MIND STEPPING
OVER HERE UNDER THE WKRP SIGN?
THAT'S TERRIFIC. THAT'LL
BE FINE RIGHT THERE.
NOW, UH, WET
YOUR LIPS. LIKE THAT.
AND PRETEND THAT YOU'RE
HAPPY. OKAY, SHOOT HIM, LES.
- LES?
- YES, VENUS?
YOU TAKE MY PICTURE, I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR ARMS AND YOUR CAMERA.
YOU WILL? NO, NO. IT'S A JOKE.
- SHOOT HIM, LES. GO AHEAD.
- I'M NOT JOKING, LESTER.
HEY, VENUS, IT'S JUST SOME
JIVE AD FOR THE PAPER, MAN.
IN THAT CASE, YOU CAN
DEFINITELY FORGET IT.
THIS IS SILLY. GIVE ME THAT.
HEY, VENUS?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH VENUS, JOHNNY?
I DON'T KNOW, LES. YOU KNOW MEN.
WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN
LITTLE... PECULIARITIES.
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
BAILEY, DO WE HAVE
EVERYBODY'S HOME ADDRESS?
YEAH, I THINK SO.
IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE.
- YOU GOT JOHNNY'S?
- FEVER.
NOPE.
- YOU GOT LES'S?
- NESSMAN.
- NOPE.
- WELL, DO YOU HAVE YOURS?
QUARTERS. UH-UH.
DO YOU HAVE ANYBODY'S? YEAH.
A MR. LOUIS DE ANGELISTO.
WELL, WHO'S HE? I DON'T KNOW.
A HECK OF A SYSTEM
YOU GOT THERE, BAILEY.
Y-YOU WANT ME TO FIX
IT? UH, YEAH, PLEASE.
TRAVIS? UH-HUH.
WE GOTTA HAVE A
POWWOW. WE DO, HUH?
YEP. ANDY, SOMETHING
TERRIBLE HAPPENED.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, LES? IS
THE WATER FOUNTAIN BROKEN?
NOT THIS TIME.
THIS MORNING, VENUS FLYTRAP
THREATENED LES NESSMAN PHYSICALLY,
THEN TRIED TO STICK
EKTACHROME INTO MY MOUTH.
WHAT?
THIS MORNING, VENUS
FLYTRAP THREATENED LES...
TELL HIM, LES. TELL HIM.
ANDY, THIS MORNING, VENUS
FLYTRAP... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
AFTER THE EKTACHROME. ANDY,
SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH VENUS.
HE REFUSED TO LET ME TAKE THIS
PICTURE FOR THE CAR DEALER AD.
OH, HE WENT CRAZY.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT
IT? GEE WHIZ, HERB. LET ME SEE.
HOW WELL DO WE REALLY
KNOW VENUS ANYWAY?
OH, COME ON, LES. SPARE ME
WITH YOUR THEORIES, ALL RIGHT?
ANDY, WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW HIS REAL NAME.
WE DON'T KNOW WHERE HE'S
REALLY FROM. COME ON, LES!
BAILEY, YOU'RE HIS FRIEND.
WHAT DO YOU REALLY
KNOW ABOUT VENUS?
YOU PROMISE NOT
TO TELL? I SWEAR.
WELL, UH, YOU'RE GONNA THINK
THIS IS A LITTLE CRAZY AT FIRST,
BUT, UH, I THINK HE'S BLACK.
THAT'S RIGHT!
HA, HA, HA. VERY FUNNY.
WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHERE HE LIVES.
WE DON'T KNOW WHERE
ANYBODY LIVES, LES.
WHAT? ANDY,
DO YOU REALIZE THAT HE COMES IN HERE
LATE AT NIGHT WHEN NONE OF US ARE AROUND?
YES. GO ON.
WHY DO YOU THINK
HE DOES THAT, ANDY?
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE HE'S
A NIGHTTIME DEEJAY, LES.
EXCUSE ME, SHERLOCK. LOOK, ANDY,
THE BIG GUY REALLY WANTS THIS AD.
OKAY, I'LL TALK WITH
HIM TONIGHT, HERB.
THANKS. AND, BAILEY,
SEE IF YOU CAN GET EVERYBODY'S
HOME ADDRESS, OKAY?
SURE. WHY DOES HE
WEAR THOSE CLOTHES?
SHUT UP, LES.
ALL THOSE LITTLE
MIRRORS ON HIS TROUSERS.
LOOK, LET'S GO GET SOME MORE
SHOTS OF JENNIFER. COME ON.
HERB, WE ALREADY HAVE A
HUNDRED PICTURES OF JENNIFER.
LOOK, I BUY THE
FILM... I SAY WE SHOOT.
JOHN. HERBERT.
HEY, BAILEY. OH, JOHNNY,
COULD YOU PLEASE
TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE?
- YOU'VE BEEN THERE.
- YEAH, BUT I NEED THE ADDRESS.
THE ADDRESS.
YOU KNOW, I WALK BY
THAT MAILBOX EVERY DAY.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE PHONE NUMBER?
PHONE NUMBER.
UH, I KNOW THERE
ARE SEVEN DIGITS.
UH, I... IT'S STARTS
6-5... NO. NO, IT'S 2.
AND, IN FACT, THERE ARE MANY EXAMPLES
IN HISTORY OF HOGS REPLACING HORSES.
IN THE 19th CENTURY, AN ENGLISH
GENTLEMAN TRAINED SWINE...
AND DROVE FOREIGN HAM THROUGH
LONDON WITH THESE CURIOUS STEEDS.
ALTOGETHER, WHEN HIS POTENTIAL
ISN'T REPRESSED, AS IT ORDINARILY IS,
THE PIG IS A VERITABLE PANDORA'S
BOX OF EXCITING POSSIBILITIES.
THIS HAS BEEN LES NESSMAN WITH A
WRAP-UP OF TODAY'S MAJOR NEWS STORIES.
STAY TUNED FOR THE, UH, VENUS
FLYTRAP SHOW IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING.
♪♪ THE ISSUES AND
EVENTS THAT SHAPE OUR TIME.
LES NESSMAN, FROM THE
FOUR CORNERS OF THE WORLD,
FROM THE NEWS CAPITALS...
- HI, LES.
- HI, VENUS.
LES, ABOUT THIS MORNING...
I'LL JUST GET MY TEAR
SHEETS AND BY ON MY...
I'M SORRY, VENUS. IT'S
OKAY, MAN. IT'S OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT. YEAH.
HEY, LOOK, MAN...
I'M SORRY.
DAMN.
♪♪ BANGKOK, MOSCOW, CINCINNATI.
LES NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
ALL RIGHT, MY CHILDREN,
THIS IS WKRP IN CINCINNATI...
WITH MORE MUSIC AND LES NESSMAN.
YOU'RE LISTENING TO VENUS
FLYTRAP, FIRST OFFICER OF FUNK.
CLEARANCE FROM THE TOWER. SEAT
BELTS FASTENED. HEADPHONES ON.
THE STEWARDESS WILL START
DANCING IN THE AISLES, PLEASE,
AS WE BEGIN OUR ASCENT.
♪♪
WHAT'S HAPPENING, ANDY? OH,
NOT MUCH. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF?
OOH. MET ME A NICE
LADY LAST NIGHT.
WHOO-HOO. BEAUTIFUL.
UH-HUH. AND ALL
I HAD TO SAY WAS,
"HEY, MAMA, WHAT IT IS
WITH YOUR FINE SELF?"
SEE, THAT'S HOW BLACK
GUYS TALK TO LADIES.
YOU KNOW, WAY DOWN HERE.
THEY TALK TO ONE
ANOTHER LIKE THIS.
HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S
GOIN' ON? WHAT IT IS?
SEE, THEN A FINE LADY
WALK BY. THEY GO...
"HEY, MAMA, CAN I
WALK YOU HOME?"
YEAH, I CAN DIG IT. ALL RIGHT.
SO, VENUS... YEAH?
WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING?
NOTHING, ANDY. FORGET IT.
WHY WON'T YOU LET
LES TAKE YOUR PICTURE?
JUST DON'T WANT
HIM TO. THAT'S ALL.
VENUS, WE NEED THAT PICTURE
FOR THE ADVERTISEMENT.
UH, CAN I PASS ON THIS
ONE? ALL RIGHTY? OKAY.
NO. I NEED A GOOD REASON.
OKAY.
THERE'S THIS GUY
NAMED GORDON SIMS, SEE?
YEAH. WELL, UH, HE'S HOT, MAN.
HE'S WANTED BY THE
LAW. YOU UNDERSTAND?
GO ON.
WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT OLD
GORDON TO GET INTO ANY TROUBLE.
HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
UH, I LOVE THE MAN.
♪♪
♪♪
EXECUTING A SOUTHERLY TURN
DOWN THE MIGHTY OHIO RIVER...
AND HEADED INTO A DEEP
PURPLE, FROSTY NIGHT...
WITH, UH, NO PARTICULAR
PLACE TO LAND.
♪♪
GORDON,
WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THIS TOMORROW, OKAY?
UH-OH!
DID YOU CALL ME?
NO. UH, IT WAS THE RAFT.
OH. THEN COULD BAILEY AND
I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
OH, YEAH, SURE, FINE.
UH, COME IN. COME IN.
- HELLO, MR. CARLSON.
- OH, HI. YEAH.
MR. CARLSON, BAILEY AND I WOULD LIKE
TO JOIN THE WOMEN IN BROADCASTING CLUB.
UH-HUH. AND USUALLY THE EMPLOYER
PAYS THE DUES OF THE MEMBERS.
- I SEE.
- THERE'S ALSO
AN INITIATION FEE.
FINE. NO PROBLEM. OH. THANK YOU.
UH, WHAT DOES THIS
ASSOCIATION DO?
OH, ALL SORTS OF
IMPORTANT THINGS.
THEY'RE PLANNING ON
PICKETING THIS VERY
STATION FOR NOT HAVING
A FEMALE DISK JOCKEY.
AH, WELL, I GUESS IN ESSENCE
I'D BE HELPING TO PAY FOR THAT.
YEP. AH.
WELL, REAL GOOD.
NICE RAFT.
OH, YOU NOTICED, HUH? YEAH,
I'M-I'M REAL PROUD OF IT. UH...
IF I COULD JUST FIGURE A WAY
TO DEFLATE THIS DARN THING.
I'LL NEVER GET IT
THROUGH THAT DOOR.
I GOT IT.
OH, I HATE TO DO THIS.
HI.
OH.
UM, HI, TRAVIS. COME ON IN.
SACRIFICING RAFTS?
I JUST COULDN'T FIND A
WAY TO GET IT DEFLATED.
UH-HUH. UH, LISTEN, SIR, I
THINK WE CAN GO AHEAD...
AND RUN THAT ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE
CAR DEALER WITHOUT VENUS'S PICTURE.
- WHY?
- HATES TO HAVE HIS PICTURE
TAKEN, I GUESS.
THAT'S CRAZY. LOOK, I
GAVE A DIRECT ORDER,
AND FOR ONCE I'D LIKE
TO HAVE IT CARRIED OUT.
UH, HE CAN'T.
GIVE ME ONE GOOD
REASON WHY HE CAN'T.
WELL, UH, I-I CAN'T.
AH, COME IN.
UH, HI, MR. CARLSON.
VENUS, WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO PULL?
SIR, HE'S NOT TRYING TO PULL
ANYTHING. IT'S OKAY, ANDY.
MR. CARLSON, UH, I'D BE TAKING TOO MUCH OF
A CHANCE IF I HAD MY PICTURE IN THE PAPER.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
- WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE
TROUBLE WITH THE LAW.
- WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE?
I CAN GET MY ATTORNEY ON THE PHONE.
WE CAN GET THIS THING TAKEN CARE OF.
MR. CARLSON, UH...
I'M A DESERTER FROM
THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
FOR THE PAST, UH, EIGHT YEARS...
I'VE BEEN LIVING UNDER
FALSE NAMES AND I.D.'s NOW.
WELL, FORGIVE
ME, VENUS, BUT I...
LOOK, LOOK, EIGHT YEARS WAS
A LONG TIME AGO. I THINK THAT...
- DESERTER?
- YES, SIR.
HE WAS A KID. HE PROBABLY
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING.
YOU RAN AWAY? YEAH.
LOOK, SIR, THE POINT OF THIS IS NOBODY
NEEDS TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
- TRAVIS, I KNOW.
- IT WAS VIETNAM!
WHAT DIFFERENCE IS THAT
SUPPOSED TO MAKE? PLENTY!
ANDY, IT'S OKAY. YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY. I'M QUITTING.
- IF IT WAS ANYTHING ELSE...
- MR. CARLSON, WE CANNOT ASK HIM TO QUIT.
I'M SORRY, TRAVIS, BUT I
CANNOT CONDONE THIS...
CAN I?
YOU WERE IN THE MARINES, RIGHT?
- YES.
- DID YOU SEE ANY COMBAT?
YES.
WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I SAW
AN AWFUL LOT OF COMBAT MYSELF.
SO I GUESS I UNDERSTAND HOW
YOU FEEL, SO I'LL JUST BE MOVING ON.
OH, THAT'S A
GUTLESS THING TO DO.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID. I SAID THAT'S
A... THAT'S A GUTLESS THING TO DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
HELL YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT!
HOLD IT. NOW LET'S EVERY...
JUST KEEP IT CALM, OKAY?
YOU'RE GONNA RUN AND RUN...
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO... TURN
MYSELF IN, GO STAND BEFORE A FIRING SQUAD?
THE ARMY DOESN'T HAVE
FIRING SQUADS ANYMORE.
YEAH, BUT THEY
HAVE PRISON, RIGHT?
ARE YOU SAYING THEY CAN'T MAKE
A FAIR, RATIONAL, HUMANE DECISION?
MR. CARLSON, LOOK, I DON'T
EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME...
OR OUR GENERATION OR MY
COLOR OR THAT WAR I GOT STUCK IN.
BUT I'M A DECENT
MAN. YES, SIR, I AM.
OKAY. THEN LET'S BUILD ON THAT.
I'LL GET MY ATTORNEY ON THE
PHONE. HE'LL CALL THE ARMY.
WE'LL JUST TAKE A LOOK
AT WHERE WE ARE HERE.
ANDY, WOULD YOU
TALK TO THIS MAN?
VENUS, SIT DOWN.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
I JUST WANT YOU TO PUT YOURSELF
IN MY HANDS FOR A LITTLE BIT.
I MEAN, I WAS AN OFFICER. I KNOW
HOW TO HANDLE THESE THINGS.
ALL RIGHT. WHERE'S MY PHONE?
IT'S, UH, UNDER YOUR RAFT, SIR.
OH, YEAH.
OH, MAN, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
AH, COME ON. WE'RE HERE NOW.
YEAH, OKAY.
LOOK, WHEN THEY COME IN, TELL
'EM GORDON SIMS JUST LEFT, OKAY?
W-W-W-WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO'S GORDON SIMS?
NEVER MIND.
LET'S JUST CALM DOWN. I MEAN,
THEY'RE GONNA BE FAIR WITH US.
MR. CARLSON, YOU
LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD.
GENTLEMEN, I'M
MAJOR EDMUND HUNTER.
I'LL BE THE INVESTIGATING
OFFICER IN THIS CASE.
HI. HI. I'M GORDON SIMS.
- VENUS, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
- SIT DOWN, GENTLEMEN.
NOW, MR. SIMS...
LOOK, HE'S NOT SIMS. HIS
NAME IS VENUS FLYTRAP.
OH. THEN YOU'RE SIMS?
HOW MANY YEARS
HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING?
I'M GORDON SIMS.
THAT'S MY REAL NAME.
YEAH?
MAJOR, UH, WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN TO ME?
ANY NUMBER OF THINGS, MR. SIMS.
- THEY'RE NOT GONNA
SHOOT HIM, ARE THEY?
- WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
AH, SEE?
YOU KNOW, WHAT THIS
MAN DID WAS WRONG.
IT WAS VERY WRONG. BUT
THE WAY I SEE IT, MAJOR...
MR. SIMS, I'VE GONE
OVER THE ARMY'S REPORT.
NOW I'LL NEED YOUR
SIDE OF THE STORY.
WELL, I HATED
THE WAR, SO I LEFT.
COME ON, SIMS.
NO, THAT'S IT. YOU
WERE IN VIETNAM.
I WAS. IN SAIGON.
WELL, I DIDN'T GET THERE MUCH.
I WAS IN CU CHI,
CHEO REO, BAN SONG.
KEPT US BLACK FOLKS
PRETTY CLOSE TO THE ACTION.
VENUS, THE MAN IS
TRYING TO HELP YOU.
YEAH, WELL... OKAY,
HERE'S MY STORY.
NOW, THIS IS HIS STORY.
YOU WRITE THIS DOWN.
WHO IS THIS GUY?
MY FATHER.
OKAY, LET'S HEAR YOUR STORY.
JUST REMEMBER
I'VE HEARD THEM ALL.
YEAH.
WELL, UM... I HAD
JUST COME BACK...
FROM WHAT SEEMED
LIKE MY 8,000th FIREFIGHT.
I WAS WITH A GUY WE
CALLED WEIRD LARRY.
WEIRD LARRY USED TO SLEEP ALL DAY
AND THEN GO OUT AT NIGHT TO HUNT.
HE'D SHOOT ANYTHING. I
WAS JUST THE OPPOSITE.
I GOT SO I COULDN'T
PULL THE TRIGGER.
SOME GOT LIKE THAT.
SOME GOT LIKE WEIRD LARRY.
I GOT SO I HATED
WEIRD LARRY'S GUTS.
WELL, ANYWAY, WE
WERE ON OUR WAY OUT,
AND, UH, WE GOT A
CHOPPER TO SAIGON.
WERE YOU PLANNING
TO DESERT THEN?
NO. WE WERE ON OUR WAY
HOME. IT WAS OVER FOR US.
WELL, ANYWAY, UH, RIGHT
OUTSIDE OF DA NANG,
THE CHOPPER GOT A CALL
FROM AN S-AND-D TEAM.
THEY HAD SOME
VIETCONG PRISONERS.
AND WE PUT DOWN
IN THIS SMALL VILLAGE,
AND FIVE MINUTES LATER
WE WERE BACK IN THE AIR...
WITH THREE CHARLIES,
A COUPLE ARVN INTERROGATORS...
OUR GUYS, THE PEOPLE WE
WERE FIGHTING TO HELP, RIGHT?
AND YOU WENT TO SAIGON?
YEAH.
BUT ON THE WAY,
THEY START QUESTIONING
THESE PRISONERS,
AND I DON'T THINK THEY
WANTED TO TALK, BECAUSE, UH...
WELL, BECAUSE THEY TOSSED
ONE OF 'EM RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.
RIGHT OUT THE DOOR. WE WERE
AT ABOUT A THOUSAND FEET.
GO ON.
YEAH.
WELL, UH, THEY GOT THIS
OTHER GUY, AND THERE HE GOES.
WEIRD LARRY AND I WERE JUST KIND
OF SITTING THERE WATCHING ALL OF THIS,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN WEIRD STARTED
GIGGLING, LIKE HE'S LOVING THIS, RIGHT?
THEN HE TURNED
AT ME AND HE SMILED.
AND, UH, HE STOOD UP,
AND HE WALKED RIGHT
OUT THE DOOR TOO.
BOY, WEIRD LARRY SHOWED
ME WHAT IT WAS RIGHT ABOUT...
RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
I SAW IT!
AFTER 10 MONTHS AND
29 DAYS, I FINALLY GOT IT!
YEAH.
WELL, SOMETHING JUST SNAPPED.
WEIRD LARRY TOOK HIS WAY
OUT. I DECIDED TO TAKE MINE.
SO WHEN WE GOT
BACK TO THE STATES,
I TURNED LEFT INSTEAD OF
TURNING RIGHT AT THE AIRPORT,
AND THAT WAS THE LAST ANYBODY
EVER SAW OF OLD GORDON SIMS.
IT WAS EASY.
ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
ONE DAY YOU'RE IN A CHOPPER OVER
IN 'NAM WITH A GUY NAMED WEIRD LARRY,
AND A FEW DAYS LATER YOU'RE
DRIVING DOWN THE FREEWAYS OF L.A.
AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN 23 YET.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN SEEN
COMBAT THOSE LAST THREE WEEKS.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GONNA SAY?
FOR NOW.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
MR. SIMS, COULD WE SPEAK
WITHOUT YOUR FATHER PRESENT?
OH, NO. NO, YOU DON'T. I
KNOW HOW THE ARMY WORKS.
THE MARINES USED TO WORK THE SAME
WAY. BOY, YOU GUYS TAKE THE CAKE.
MR. SIMS, YOU WILL STAY ON THIS
BASE UNTIL I FINISH MY INVESTIGATION.
IT MIGHT TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
OH, NO, SIRREE. OH, NO. I
CAME HERE FOR ACTION.
NONE OF THIS ARMY
"HURRY UP AND WAIT" STUFF.
NO, SIR, WHAT I WANT IS JUSTICE, AND IF I
DON'T GET IT HERE, I'M GOING TO WASHINGTON.
I THINK A GENERAL DISCHARGE MIGHT BE IN
ORDER. I DON'T THINK THERE'LL BE A TRIAL.
REALLY?
I THINK UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
OH. WELL, UH...
GORDON? VENUS.
VENUS.
UH, I'LL HAVE YOUR
STUFF SENT OVER.
YEAH, UH, THANKS, POP.
WHEW. OH, BOY.
HERE YOU GO, JENNIFER.
A COMPLETE AND UP-TO-DATE
LIST OF ALL THE EMPLOYEES.
THEIR HOME ADDRESSES
AND PHONE NUMBERS.
- THANK YOU, BAILEY.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
JENNIFER, MAY I SEE
THAT LIST, PLEASE?
OH, SURE. THANK YOU.
FLYTRAP. FLYTRAP. OH, ANDY!
VENUS GAVE US HIS ADDRESS
AND HIS PHONE NUMBER.
AHA! WHAT DO YOU
MAKE OF THAT, LES?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.
WHERE HAS HE BEEN LATELY?
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR DAYS.
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
I CAN TAKE IT.
HE'S WORKING... FOR
THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
WHAT'S HE DOING FOR THEM?
HE'S PEELING POTATOES.
PEELING POTATOES?
OOH.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪