WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 15 - Never Leave Me, Lucille - full transcript
Herb's wife Lucille finally kicks him out...and Johnny gets stuck taking in Herb. Herb views the break-up as an opportunity to start dating other women and enjoying single life. The gang works hard to show Herb that the single life is not all it's cracked up to be.
HUP! ONE!
ONE!
HEY!
HERB? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I WORK HERE, REMEMBER?
WHAT HAPPENED?
LUCILLE LOCK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE
AGAIN LAST NIGHT? HMM? HMM? HMM?
HARDLY. WELL, YOU'VE NEVER
COME IN THIS EARLY BEFORE.
MAYBE I WAS OUT
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
WHY NOT? I'M A VERY
ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.
- SINCE WHEN?
- SINCE LAST NIGHT.
LUCILLE AND I SPLIT
UP, AND I WALKED OUT.
OH, NO! OH, YEAH!
YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL
MARRIAGE, HERB. NOT ANYMORE.
HERB! GOOD MORNING, GUYS.
MORNING, BAILEY. HERB,
IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!
LOOK, LES, IT'S OVER, SO YOU
MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO IT.
HOW CAN YOU SAY A BEAUTIFUL,
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP...
IS OVER, JUST LIKE THAT?
IT WASN'T BEAUTIFUL!
OH, PLEASE DON'T SAY
THAT, HERB! LOOK, LES,
YOU CANNOT BUILD A
RELATIONSHIP ON SEX ALONE!
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
ABOUT THIS, HERB? YEP.
MY MARRIAGE IS OVER.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
I KNOW. TOO BAD.
HERB, THIS IS A TEMPORARY
SEPARATION, ISN'T IT?
NOPE. BUT, UH, THAT'S LIFE.
THAT'S WHAT
PEOPLE SAY. I MEAN...
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE THE COURAGE
TO MOVE ON AND DO THE BEST YOU CAN,
EVEN THOUGH YOUR
WHOLE LIFE IS FALLING APART.
HELLO, JENNIFER? GUESS
WHAT? I'M GETTING A DIVORCE.
HELLO?
HERB, WHAT WILL YOU
DO? WHERE WILL YOU GO?
I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS
I'LL HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU.
OH, THAT WOULD BE FUN!
I'VE JUST GOT THIS
LITTLE MURPHY BED.
IT'S PRETTY SMALL, BUT I
GUESS WE COULD SHARE IT.
NO THANKS, LES.
LOOK, UH, ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
HUH? UH, NO. MY BROTHER'S IN
TOWN WITH MY MOTHER, HERB.
IT'S VERY, VERY CROWDED.
I THINK HERB WANTS A DIVORCE.
JUST LET HIM SLEEP ON THE COUCH!
WELL, HE CAN'T STAY
HERE, BAILEY. I KNOW!
WE CAN DRAW STRAWS.
THE WINNER GETS HERB!
EXCUSE ME.
YEAH? DID YOU JUST CALL ME?
YOU BET.
I AM A FREE MAN.
NO MORE EXCUSES.
ANDY! ANDY, I CANNOT HANDLE
SOMETHING LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW.
HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?
BAILEY, TELL ME THIS ISN'T
TRUE... NOW NOT REALLY.
A LITTLE DINNER, A LITTLE
WINE. WE CAN'T HAVE THIS, LES.
NOW THEY HAVE TO GET BACK
TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN.
HOW ABOUT AROUND 7:30?
EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT
MARRIED, HERB, I'M NOT
GOING TO GO OUT WITH
YOU. NEVER. NEVER, EVER.
WANNA BET? THINGS ARE
DIFFERENT, JENNY-POO.
JENNY-POO?
♪♪
♪♪ HELLO.
HI. HI.
- HERB IS GETTING A DIVORCE.
- YEAH?
WE CAN'T HAVE THAT. NO.
EXCUSE ME. OKAY.
COME ON, MAN. GIVE ME THE BREAD.
LOOK, MAN, I GOT AN IDEA. UH, DOUBLE
OR NOTHING TONIGHT. YOU PICK THE GAME.
IS THERE A SIGN ON ME THAT SAYS
"DUMMY"? WHERE IS IT, ON MY BACK?
VENUS, I'M... FOR THE SAKE OF
RACIAL HARMONY, I BEG OF YOU, MAN.
JUST... VENUS, I NEED YOUR HELP.
DON'T YOU WHITE PEOPLE
HAVE ANY MONEY AT ALL?
I DON'T WANT MONEY.
WHAT IS THAT, A QUARTER?
WE'RE DRAWING STRAWS.
THE WINNER GETS HERB.
WINNER?
WELL, YES. THAT'S
WHO HERB STAYS WITH.
STAYS WITH? YES.
YOU MEAN LIKE, HAVE HERB COME INTO
YOUR HOME AND STAY THERE AND NOT GO AWAY?
IT'S ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
COME ON. TAKE A STRAW, VENUS.
- I WOULDN'T RENT HERB A ROOM.
- YOU KNOW, I WOULD.
- YOU WOULD?
- SURE, FOR... 15 BUCKS A DAY.
JOHNNY, THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN HAVE LIVED
TOGETHER AND LOVED TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS.
TWELVE YEARS, JOHNNY. THEY
HAVE TWO LITTLE CHILDREN.
TEN BUCKS.
JOHNNY, THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL
HOME, A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP.
AND NOW ALL THAT'S IN ASHES, AND YOU
WANT TO MAKE MONEY FROM THEIR MISERY?
NO! I THOUGHT NOT.
I'LL GO TELL HERB.
- LES!
- YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL
HUMAN BEING, JOHNNY.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU STARIN' AT?
YOUR "DUMMY" SIGN'S
ON A LITTLE CROOKED.
UH, JENNIFER, CAN YOU FIND HERB?
YEAH, NOW I WANT TO SEE HIM.
- YOU WANT TO SEE ME, BIG GUY?
- THAT WAS FAST.
WELL, I HAPPENED TO BE
STANDING AT JENNIFER'S DESK.
OH, YEAH? AH, I SEE.
WELL, UH, HAVE A SEAT.
SURELY. UH, LISTEN, HERB, UH,
LES HAS TOLD ME ABOUT THIS...
TROUBLE THAT YOU'RE HAVING AT HOME.
YEAH.
WELL, I, UH...
I JUST WANTED TO SAY
HOW DARN SORRY I AM,
HOW PAINFUL I KNOW
THIS MUST BE FOR YOU,
AND THAT YOU CAN'T
STAY AT MY HOUSE.
THAT'S OKAY, BIG GUY, 'CAUSE
I'M STAYING WITH JOHNNY.
OH, GOOD. THAT'S
VERY GOOD, IN FACT.
SEE, WE'RE GONNA REMODEL OUR
GUEST ROOM. YOU UNDERSTAND.
SURELY. WE HAVEN'T STARTED YET.
I MEAN, THE GUYS HAVEN'T COME IN.
THEY COME IN TOMORROW. WAY I SEE IT, WE'RE
JUST GONNA TEAR DOWN THE WHOLE DARN THING.
ACTUALLY, WHAT I HAVE IN MIND...
PROBABLY TAKE SEVERAL MONTHS.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY,
BIG GUY, 'CAUSE, UH...
WELL, I'M GETTING MY OWN PLACE
IN A COUPLE OF NIGHTS, YOU KNOW?
IT'LL HAVE WALL-TO-WALL
SHAG CARPETING,
SEVERAL FIREPLACES
AND LOTS OF MIRRORS.
LUCILLE.
LUCILLE!
HELLO, JENNIFER.
WHAT YOU ARE DOING
IS A TERRIBLE THING.
NOW MEET ME FOR A DRINK
LATER, AND WE'LL TALK.
SURELY.
HELLO, MR. CARLSON.
UH... H-HI! HOW'S
IT GOING? UH...
- HELLO, HERB.
- HELLO.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU TWO
WOULD LIKE TO BE ALONE.
OH, NO, STAY!
I THINK I'LL JUST
STEP RIGHT IN HERE.
DON'T GO.
UM, WELL, I PACKED YOUR THINGS
AND PUT THEM IN YOUR CAR, HERB.
- THANK YOU.
- GOOD-BYE.
NO, STAY. DON'T GO.
SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING.
WE'RE REMODELING
THE GUEST ROOM. UH...
I CRIED LAST NIGHT, HERB.
OH, GOOD. I MEAN, GO ON.
WELL, I THOUGHT ABOUT
OUR LIFE TOGETHER, AND...
AND WHAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING TO US, AND, UH...
AND I THOUGHT, UH... YES?
I THOUGHT, SO WHAT?
"SO WHAT?"
YEAH! SO WHAT? UH, WE'LL
ALL TALK LATER, OKAY? COME ON.
I MEAN, JUST WHO IS THIS
CREEP I'VE BEEN COOKING FOR...
AND-AND STAYING HOME
FOR EVERY LOUSY DAY?
I THOUGHT ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE.
JUST WHAT'S HE DONE THAT'S
SO DARN IMPORTANT, HUH?
SHE SEEMS TO BE
BEARING UP PRETTY WELL. I...
IT'S ANDY.
HI. HEY. HOW'S IT GOING, JOHNNY?
SO, WHERE'S HERB?
HE'S OUT BUYING DIP.
DIP?
LISTEN, MY MAN.
HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
OH, I'M FINE.
IT'S BEEN REALLY GREAT HAVING
HERB HERE THE LAST TWO NIGHTS.
TOMORROW NIGHT, YOU GET HIM.
OH, HO, HO. NO, NO, NO, I
DON'T. OH, YES, YOU DO.
AND NOT ONLY THAT, MY FRIEND,
BUT YOU GET THE BULLFIGHTER
ON REAL BLACK VELVET.
YOU GET THE BATTERY-POWERED
GO-GO DANCING NOVELTY SENSATION.
YOU GET THE COLOR-COORDINATED
REPROCESSED STYROFOAM CLOTHING.
AND, AS A BONUS,
YOU GET THE SLIDES.
THE SLIDES? YEAH.
HE, UH, TAKES PICTURES
OF HIS CAR. CAR.
CAR.
HEY, GUYS. ALL RIGHT.
BIG NIGHT TONIGHT, HUH?
YEAH. YEAH, BOY.
I GOT SOME DIP,
BEER IN THE FRIDGE,
AND I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOU GUYS GIVING ME THIS PARTY.
OH, IT'S MY PLEASURE, HERB.
IT'S KIND OF A WARM-UP...
FOR MY SUMMER
DINNER DANCE PARTIES.
HEY, JOHNNY, WE HAVE
ANY PIÑA COLADA MIX?
YEAH, WE DO, HERB. THERE'S A
FIVE-GALLON DRUM UNDER THE SINK.
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE. JUST
GOT OFF THE AIR. HOW'D IT GO?
HEY, GUYS. WHAT'S
HAPPENING, HERB?
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
UH, NOTHING SO
FAR. UH, LISTEN. UH...
HE WANTS TO GO TO A PLACE
CALLED THE KING KONG LOUNGE.
YOU GO AWAY FROM
HERE. I'D LIKE TO.
ALL RIGHTY!
DIP. UH, NONE FOR ME, THANKS.
OH? HEY. DO YOU HAVE ANY CHIPS?
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
THE WORLD? COME ON.
COME ON. ALL RIGHT.
NOW, THE WAY I SEE IT,
WE ARE FIVE HEAVYWEIGHT
BACHELORS ON THE MOVE, RIGHT?
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A COUPLE
OF DRINKS HERE, EAT THE DIP,
AND THEN HIT THE SINGLES BARS.
THAT'S A REAL GOOD IDEA,
HERB. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
WHY DON'T WE ALL SORT OF SIT
DOWN HERE, RELAX FOR A SECOND.
HERE. PULL UP A
CHAIR. ALL RIGHT.
PULL UP A CHAIR AND SIT RIGHT
DOWN HERE, YOU BACHELOR, YOU.
WE'LL ALL SIT DOWN. WE'LL
JUST SORT OF, UH... RAP.
RAP. GOOD WORD. YEAH.
I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, HERB. HMM?
BEING SINGLE STINKS.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO
BACK TO LUCILLE TONIGHT?
PACK YOUR BAGS, TAKE YOUR HULA
GIRL... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
NOTHING. WE'RE JUST... RAPPIN'!
IS THIS WHAT YOU GUYS, UH,
USUALLY DO WHEN YOU GET TOGETHER?
YEP. YEAH.
IT'S SORT OF ON THE
DULL SIDE, ISN'T IT? NO!
THIS IS ABOUT AS
EXCITING AS IT GETS.
HEY, VENUS. YEAH?
I BET YOU JUST DON'T SIT
AROUND LIKE THIS AND RAP.
NO, I WATCH A LOT OF TV.
GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE!
YEAH, BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I'M REALLY
FEELING CRAZY... KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YEAH. YEAH.
I GO OUT AND PICK UP A... OH.
CHILI DOG.
CHILI DOG?
WHAT DO YOU DO, LES? I READ.
WHAT DO YOU READ?
WELL, MY FAVORITE AUTHOR IS,
UH, ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY.
YEAH, HE'S GOOD.
HOW ABOUT YOU, ANDY? WELL, I WORK,
I GO HOME, LISTEN TO A LITTLE MUSIC,
AND THEN, UH, JUST GO TO SLEEP.
- WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU GUYS?
- WE'RE SINGLE.
LOOK, GUYS, THERE IS A WHOLE
TOWN FULL OF CHICKS OUT THERE.
YEAH, IT'S HARD TO
FIND ONE YOU LIKE.
HEY, WHAT'S LIKE
GOT TO DO WITH IT?
ONE-NIGHT STANDS GET A
LITTLE OLD AFTER A WHILE, HERB.
THIS IS NUTS.
AH, LISTEN, HERB. I MEAN,
YOU'LL GET USED TO IT, YOU KNOW?
PRETTY SOON, UH, YOU JUST START TO
LIVE WITHIN YOUR OWN MIND, YOU KNOW?
AND THEN GRADUALLY,
ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY,
YOU, UH, FIND YOURSELF
REALLY THINKING ABOUT POLITICS,
SELF-HYPNOSIS,
- HIGH FASHION.
- NOW WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO
PULL HERE? HEY, HERB, NOTHING.
YEAH, YEAH, YOU ARE TOO.
YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME...
TO BELIEVE THAT WE'RE NOT HAVING A
GOOD TIME. HEY, MAN, I'M NOT TRYING...
- RIGHT, VENUS?
- NO, WE'RE HAVIN' A BALL.
DAMN RIGHT WE ARE.
GIVE ME SOME OF THAT DIP.
HEY, HERB. HMM?
WHAT SAY WE TAKE A
LOOK AT YOUR SLIDES.
OH, MAN... NO, COME ON. I HEAR
YOU'RE QUITE A PHOTOGRAPHER.
I AM. WELL, GOOD. LET'S GO.
LET'S LOOK AT THE SLIDES.
ARE YOU CRAZY? I WOULD
LIKE TO SEE HERB'S CAR.
MY CAR? YEAH. OKAY?
- OH. YEAH, SURE.
- ALL RIGHT. GOOD. HERE.
LES, GRAB AHOLD OF THIS, WILL
YOU, AND PLUG THAT IN. SURE.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT
ABOUT THE SINGLES BAR?
WE'LL SEE THE SINGLES BAR AS
SOON AS WE'VE LOOKED AT THE SLIDES.
COME ON, GRAB
THIS. YOU READY? YEP.
OKAY.
SOMEBODY GET THE LIGHTS. YEP.
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S MY CAR.
THAT'S THE FRONT.
THERE'S THE BACK.
I'VE SEEN THIS.
OH, HERE'S ONE WITH THE
DOORS OPEN AND THE HOOD UP.
WHY WOULD ANYBODY TAKE
A PICTURE LIKE THAT? SHH!
HEY. NOW THIS IS A SHOT
OF ME AT DISNEYLAND.
NOW THE OTHER GUY
IS GOOFY, YOU KNOW.
IT'S NOT REALLY GOOFY.
IT'S NOT REALLY GOOFY.
IT'S JUST SOME GUY IN A SUIT.
YOU MEAN THEY DON'T HAVE
THE REAL GOOFY DOWN THERE?
AW. NO.
AH.
NOW THIS IS A SHOT OF A KITCHENETTE
IN A MOTEL IN WHICH WE STAYED.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T FIND TOO MANY
KITCHENETTES IN THESE PLACES,
SO I THOUGHT IT'D MAKE A PRETTY
GOOD SHOT. THAT'S REALLY NICE.
IS THAT WOOD? FORMICA.
AHA.
AH.
AW. CUTE.
THAT'S MY DAUGHTER,
BUNNY. SHE'S CUTE.
- YEAH, REAL CUTE.
- SHE SURE IS.
LUCILLE, HERBERT JR. AND...
OH, THERE'S MY CAR
AGAIN IN THE BACKGROUND.
I'LL BE DARNED. HERB JR.
WEARS WHITE SHOES TOO.
SURE. I MEAN, HE LIKES TO
DRESS LIKE ME, YOU KNOW?
I'M, UH... I'M KIND OF HIS HERO.
NEXT SLIDE, HERB.
UM... LOOK, WHY DON'T
WE JUST GO ON OUT...
NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE'LL GO IN A MINUTE.
COME ON. SLIDES.
THIS IS FUN.
ALL RIGHT.
THERE THOSE LITTLE DICKENS
ARE... BOTH OF THEM IN OUR POOL.
NICE POOL. YEAH.
YOU KNOW IT TAKES...
ABOUT 30 MINUTES TO BLOW
ONE OF THOSE THINGS UP?
BUT IT'S WORTH IT. IT'S
WORTH EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
GEE. HERB AND BUNNY HAVE
GROWN QUITE A BIT SINCE THEN.
AW!
NICE FAMILY, HUH? YEAH.
THAT'S LUCILLE AND
MY BIRTHDAY CAKE.
THE PARTY DOLL. YEAH.
SEE, RIGHT ON TOP IT SAYS
THERE, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BIG HERB."
MY SON AND I HAVE THE SAME NAME,
SO I'M BIG HERB, AND HE'S LITTLE HERB.
THAT'S IT! OKAY, LET'S GO!
HEY, COME ON, HERB.
I'M-I'M LIKING THESE SLIDES.
NO, MAN, NO. I'M, UH...
THAT'S, UH... THAT'S IT.
I, UH... I'M GONNA JUST GIVE
THEM TO LUCILLE ANYWAY.
SHOW THE NEXT SLIDE,
HERB. NO, NO, THAT'S IT. NO.
COME ON! NO! PLEASE.
LIGHTS.
NO. NO LIGHTS.
JUST FOR A SECOND, OKAY?
SURE, HERB.
I, UH... TRIED TO CALL
LUCILLE TONIGHT.
SHE WASN'T HOME.
PROBABLY OUT HAVING A GOOD TIME.
IT'S REALLY STRANGE... I MEAN,
LUCILLE NOT BEING HOME.
SHE'S...
SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN
THERE BEFORE, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW WHERE SHE IS, HERB.
YOU DO? YEP. SURE DO.
BUT THERE MUST BE MANY THINGS...
MANY, MANY THINGS... THAT YOU
FIND WONDERFUL ABOUT HERB.
OH, NONE THAT I CAN THINK OF.
EXCUSE ME, LADIES. YES?
THIS IS COURTESY OF THE
GENTLEMAN AT THE FIRST TABLE.
FINE. OH, WHAT A NICE GESTURE.
WE SHOULD GO RIGHT OVER
AND THANK HIM. NO, LET'S NOT.
OH, WELL, I'LL JUST WAVE. NO, NO,
NO. DON'T WAVE. THEY'LL COME OVER.
OH! WOULDN'T THAT BE EXCITING?
LUCILLE, TELL ME...
HASN'T IT BEEN PRETTY
LONELY WITHOUT HERB?
WELL, YOU KNOW, I
HARDLY NOTICE HE'S GONE.
YOU SEE, I HAVE
THIS POTTERY CLASS.
I MAKE, UH, LITTLE ASHTRAYS...
THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WERE
DONE BY TINY CHILDREN.
REX SAYS THAT
THEY'RE VERY PRIMITIVE.
- WHO'S REX?
- HE'S MY INSTRUCTOR.
SOMETIMES REX TAKES OFF HIS
SHIRT WHILE HE'S FIRING UP HIS KILN.
THESE ARE FROM THE
GENTLEMAN AT THE END OF THE BAR.
OH! WELL, BLESS
HIS LITTLE HEART.
YOO-HOO! UH-HUH! OH, UH,
LUCILLE, LUCILLE. PLEASE. PLEASE.
OH. WELL, TO GET
BACK TO THE SUBJECT,
REX SAYS THAT I'M A REGULAR LITTLE
POTTING FOOL, AND THAT I HAVE...
LET'S FORGET ABOUT REX.
LET'S TALK ABOUT HERB.
- YOU LIKE HERB, DON'T YOU?
- OH, LUCILLE.
JENNIFER, IT'S ALL
RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND.
HERB HAPPENS TO
BE A VERY SEXY MAN.
SHORT MAN IN HAT.
NOW, JENNIFER, LET'S JUST
BE HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER.
I KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMETHING
GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND HERB.
THERE'S NOT!
UH... I'M SORRY. I'M
JUST A LITTLE UPSET.
WE'RE ALL A LITTLE UPSET.
WE LOVE YOU, LUCILLE. OH.
WE LOVE HERB. AND WE WANT EVERYTHING
TO BE JUST THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE.
EVERYTHING. IT'LL
NEVER BE THE SAME.
WHY NOT?
I'M SORRY.
WELL, JENNIFER, YOU SEE,
HERB SAYS THAT I'M A
WONDERFUL HOMEMAKER...
AND A WONDERFUL
MOTHER, WONDERFUL COOK.
BUT I DON'T THINK THAT
HE THINKS ABOUT ME,
YOU KNOW, AS A WOMAN.
JUST A WOMAN... A FRIEND.
BALD MAN WITH SCAR.
BLIND GENTLEMAN.
WOMAN DRESSED AS MAN.
AND GUY WHO SAYS HE'S BIG HERB.
HI, GORGEOUS.
HI, HERB. HI, HERB.
SORRY.
LUCILLE, I... I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
LUCILLE, I'VE DECIDED
TO COME BACK TO YOU.
OH. WELL,
BEFORE YOU DO ME
THIS GREAT FAVOR, HERB,
UM, I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.
WHAT?
I'VE BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO YOU.
CHECK!
YOU WHAT? WELL, HAVEN'T
YOU BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO ME?
NO! NEVER! I MEAN, I SWEAR.
NEVER TELL THAT TO ANYONE.
HOW? I MEAN... I MEAN... I
MEAN, WHY? WELL, NOT IN BODY.
BUT IN SPIRIT.
OH. THANK GOD.
I HAD IMPURE
THOUGHTS AT THE KILN.
GOOD FOR YOU.
LOOK, LUCILLE, CAN'T WE JUST
GO HOME AND TALK THINGS OVER?
WELL, I WAS PLANNING ON
DINING OUT THIS EVENING, HERB.
YEAH? WHO WITH?
OH, SOMEBODY. I DON'T
THINK YOU KNOW HIM.
WE WERE TO DINE AND
THEN PERHAPS GO DANCING.
LUCILLE, I CAN DO ALL THOSE
THINGS. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, HERB.
LOOK, I CAN DANCE. AND I
CAN EAT. YOU'VE SEEN ME EAT.
I WOULD JUST APPRECIATE
YOUR ATTENTION, HERB.
YOU'VE GOT IT.
I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE LIKE
WE WERE DATING AGAIN.
YEAH. EXCEPT AT THE END
OF THE EVENING, WE CAN...
WELL, WE'LL SEE. WE'LL SEE.
WOW.
WELL, I'D BETTER CALL REX AND
TELL HIM TO KEEP HIS SHIRT ON.
COME ALONG, HERB.
LITTLE GUY WITH BOW
TIE, TALL BLACK MAN,
COWBOY AND LONGSHOREMAN.
AH.
♪♪
HI, GUYS.
UH, WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
YOU LIVE AROUND HERE, MAMA?
LOOKIN' FOR A LITTLE
ACTION, SUGAR?
WELL, LES, DON'T YOU
HAVE AN OPENING LINE?
HI. I'M EXTREMELY WEALTHY.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
ONE!
HEY!
HERB? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I WORK HERE, REMEMBER?
WHAT HAPPENED?
LUCILLE LOCK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE
AGAIN LAST NIGHT? HMM? HMM? HMM?
HARDLY. WELL, YOU'VE NEVER
COME IN THIS EARLY BEFORE.
MAYBE I WAS OUT
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
WHY NOT? I'M A VERY
ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.
- SINCE WHEN?
- SINCE LAST NIGHT.
LUCILLE AND I SPLIT
UP, AND I WALKED OUT.
OH, NO! OH, YEAH!
YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL
MARRIAGE, HERB. NOT ANYMORE.
HERB! GOOD MORNING, GUYS.
MORNING, BAILEY. HERB,
IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!
LOOK, LES, IT'S OVER, SO YOU
MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO IT.
HOW CAN YOU SAY A BEAUTIFUL,
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP...
IS OVER, JUST LIKE THAT?
IT WASN'T BEAUTIFUL!
OH, PLEASE DON'T SAY
THAT, HERB! LOOK, LES,
YOU CANNOT BUILD A
RELATIONSHIP ON SEX ALONE!
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
ABOUT THIS, HERB? YEP.
MY MARRIAGE IS OVER.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
I KNOW. TOO BAD.
HERB, THIS IS A TEMPORARY
SEPARATION, ISN'T IT?
NOPE. BUT, UH, THAT'S LIFE.
THAT'S WHAT
PEOPLE SAY. I MEAN...
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE THE COURAGE
TO MOVE ON AND DO THE BEST YOU CAN,
EVEN THOUGH YOUR
WHOLE LIFE IS FALLING APART.
HELLO, JENNIFER? GUESS
WHAT? I'M GETTING A DIVORCE.
HELLO?
HERB, WHAT WILL YOU
DO? WHERE WILL YOU GO?
I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS
I'LL HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU.
OH, THAT WOULD BE FUN!
I'VE JUST GOT THIS
LITTLE MURPHY BED.
IT'S PRETTY SMALL, BUT I
GUESS WE COULD SHARE IT.
NO THANKS, LES.
LOOK, UH, ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
HUH? UH, NO. MY BROTHER'S IN
TOWN WITH MY MOTHER, HERB.
IT'S VERY, VERY CROWDED.
I THINK HERB WANTS A DIVORCE.
JUST LET HIM SLEEP ON THE COUCH!
WELL, HE CAN'T STAY
HERE, BAILEY. I KNOW!
WE CAN DRAW STRAWS.
THE WINNER GETS HERB!
EXCUSE ME.
YEAH? DID YOU JUST CALL ME?
YOU BET.
I AM A FREE MAN.
NO MORE EXCUSES.
ANDY! ANDY, I CANNOT HANDLE
SOMETHING LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW.
HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?
BAILEY, TELL ME THIS ISN'T
TRUE... NOW NOT REALLY.
A LITTLE DINNER, A LITTLE
WINE. WE CAN'T HAVE THIS, LES.
NOW THEY HAVE TO GET BACK
TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN.
HOW ABOUT AROUND 7:30?
EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT
MARRIED, HERB, I'M NOT
GOING TO GO OUT WITH
YOU. NEVER. NEVER, EVER.
WANNA BET? THINGS ARE
DIFFERENT, JENNY-POO.
JENNY-POO?
♪♪
♪♪ HELLO.
HI. HI.
- HERB IS GETTING A DIVORCE.
- YEAH?
WE CAN'T HAVE THAT. NO.
EXCUSE ME. OKAY.
COME ON, MAN. GIVE ME THE BREAD.
LOOK, MAN, I GOT AN IDEA. UH, DOUBLE
OR NOTHING TONIGHT. YOU PICK THE GAME.
IS THERE A SIGN ON ME THAT SAYS
"DUMMY"? WHERE IS IT, ON MY BACK?
VENUS, I'M... FOR THE SAKE OF
RACIAL HARMONY, I BEG OF YOU, MAN.
JUST... VENUS, I NEED YOUR HELP.
DON'T YOU WHITE PEOPLE
HAVE ANY MONEY AT ALL?
I DON'T WANT MONEY.
WHAT IS THAT, A QUARTER?
WE'RE DRAWING STRAWS.
THE WINNER GETS HERB.
WINNER?
WELL, YES. THAT'S
WHO HERB STAYS WITH.
STAYS WITH? YES.
YOU MEAN LIKE, HAVE HERB COME INTO
YOUR HOME AND STAY THERE AND NOT GO AWAY?
IT'S ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
COME ON. TAKE A STRAW, VENUS.
- I WOULDN'T RENT HERB A ROOM.
- YOU KNOW, I WOULD.
- YOU WOULD?
- SURE, FOR... 15 BUCKS A DAY.
JOHNNY, THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN HAVE LIVED
TOGETHER AND LOVED TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS.
TWELVE YEARS, JOHNNY. THEY
HAVE TWO LITTLE CHILDREN.
TEN BUCKS.
JOHNNY, THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL
HOME, A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP.
AND NOW ALL THAT'S IN ASHES, AND YOU
WANT TO MAKE MONEY FROM THEIR MISERY?
NO! I THOUGHT NOT.
I'LL GO TELL HERB.
- LES!
- YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL
HUMAN BEING, JOHNNY.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU STARIN' AT?
YOUR "DUMMY" SIGN'S
ON A LITTLE CROOKED.
UH, JENNIFER, CAN YOU FIND HERB?
YEAH, NOW I WANT TO SEE HIM.
- YOU WANT TO SEE ME, BIG GUY?
- THAT WAS FAST.
WELL, I HAPPENED TO BE
STANDING AT JENNIFER'S DESK.
OH, YEAH? AH, I SEE.
WELL, UH, HAVE A SEAT.
SURELY. UH, LISTEN, HERB, UH,
LES HAS TOLD ME ABOUT THIS...
TROUBLE THAT YOU'RE HAVING AT HOME.
YEAH.
WELL, I, UH...
I JUST WANTED TO SAY
HOW DARN SORRY I AM,
HOW PAINFUL I KNOW
THIS MUST BE FOR YOU,
AND THAT YOU CAN'T
STAY AT MY HOUSE.
THAT'S OKAY, BIG GUY, 'CAUSE
I'M STAYING WITH JOHNNY.
OH, GOOD. THAT'S
VERY GOOD, IN FACT.
SEE, WE'RE GONNA REMODEL OUR
GUEST ROOM. YOU UNDERSTAND.
SURELY. WE HAVEN'T STARTED YET.
I MEAN, THE GUYS HAVEN'T COME IN.
THEY COME IN TOMORROW. WAY I SEE IT, WE'RE
JUST GONNA TEAR DOWN THE WHOLE DARN THING.
ACTUALLY, WHAT I HAVE IN MIND...
PROBABLY TAKE SEVERAL MONTHS.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY,
BIG GUY, 'CAUSE, UH...
WELL, I'M GETTING MY OWN PLACE
IN A COUPLE OF NIGHTS, YOU KNOW?
IT'LL HAVE WALL-TO-WALL
SHAG CARPETING,
SEVERAL FIREPLACES
AND LOTS OF MIRRORS.
LUCILLE.
LUCILLE!
HELLO, JENNIFER.
WHAT YOU ARE DOING
IS A TERRIBLE THING.
NOW MEET ME FOR A DRINK
LATER, AND WE'LL TALK.
SURELY.
HELLO, MR. CARLSON.
UH... H-HI! HOW'S
IT GOING? UH...
- HELLO, HERB.
- HELLO.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU TWO
WOULD LIKE TO BE ALONE.
OH, NO, STAY!
I THINK I'LL JUST
STEP RIGHT IN HERE.
DON'T GO.
UM, WELL, I PACKED YOUR THINGS
AND PUT THEM IN YOUR CAR, HERB.
- THANK YOU.
- GOOD-BYE.
NO, STAY. DON'T GO.
SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING.
WE'RE REMODELING
THE GUEST ROOM. UH...
I CRIED LAST NIGHT, HERB.
OH, GOOD. I MEAN, GO ON.
WELL, I THOUGHT ABOUT
OUR LIFE TOGETHER, AND...
AND WHAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING TO US, AND, UH...
AND I THOUGHT, UH... YES?
I THOUGHT, SO WHAT?
"SO WHAT?"
YEAH! SO WHAT? UH, WE'LL
ALL TALK LATER, OKAY? COME ON.
I MEAN, JUST WHO IS THIS
CREEP I'VE BEEN COOKING FOR...
AND-AND STAYING HOME
FOR EVERY LOUSY DAY?
I THOUGHT ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE.
JUST WHAT'S HE DONE THAT'S
SO DARN IMPORTANT, HUH?
SHE SEEMS TO BE
BEARING UP PRETTY WELL. I...
IT'S ANDY.
HI. HEY. HOW'S IT GOING, JOHNNY?
SO, WHERE'S HERB?
HE'S OUT BUYING DIP.
DIP?
LISTEN, MY MAN.
HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
OH, I'M FINE.
IT'S BEEN REALLY GREAT HAVING
HERB HERE THE LAST TWO NIGHTS.
TOMORROW NIGHT, YOU GET HIM.
OH, HO, HO. NO, NO, NO, I
DON'T. OH, YES, YOU DO.
AND NOT ONLY THAT, MY FRIEND,
BUT YOU GET THE BULLFIGHTER
ON REAL BLACK VELVET.
YOU GET THE BATTERY-POWERED
GO-GO DANCING NOVELTY SENSATION.
YOU GET THE COLOR-COORDINATED
REPROCESSED STYROFOAM CLOTHING.
AND, AS A BONUS,
YOU GET THE SLIDES.
THE SLIDES? YEAH.
HE, UH, TAKES PICTURES
OF HIS CAR. CAR.
CAR.
HEY, GUYS. ALL RIGHT.
BIG NIGHT TONIGHT, HUH?
YEAH. YEAH, BOY.
I GOT SOME DIP,
BEER IN THE FRIDGE,
AND I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOU GUYS GIVING ME THIS PARTY.
OH, IT'S MY PLEASURE, HERB.
IT'S KIND OF A WARM-UP...
FOR MY SUMMER
DINNER DANCE PARTIES.
HEY, JOHNNY, WE HAVE
ANY PIÑA COLADA MIX?
YEAH, WE DO, HERB. THERE'S A
FIVE-GALLON DRUM UNDER THE SINK.
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE. JUST
GOT OFF THE AIR. HOW'D IT GO?
HEY, GUYS. WHAT'S
HAPPENING, HERB?
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
UH, NOTHING SO
FAR. UH, LISTEN. UH...
HE WANTS TO GO TO A PLACE
CALLED THE KING KONG LOUNGE.
YOU GO AWAY FROM
HERE. I'D LIKE TO.
ALL RIGHTY!
DIP. UH, NONE FOR ME, THANKS.
OH? HEY. DO YOU HAVE ANY CHIPS?
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
THE WORLD? COME ON.
COME ON. ALL RIGHT.
NOW, THE WAY I SEE IT,
WE ARE FIVE HEAVYWEIGHT
BACHELORS ON THE MOVE, RIGHT?
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A COUPLE
OF DRINKS HERE, EAT THE DIP,
AND THEN HIT THE SINGLES BARS.
THAT'S A REAL GOOD IDEA,
HERB. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
WHY DON'T WE ALL SORT OF SIT
DOWN HERE, RELAX FOR A SECOND.
HERE. PULL UP A
CHAIR. ALL RIGHT.
PULL UP A CHAIR AND SIT RIGHT
DOWN HERE, YOU BACHELOR, YOU.
WE'LL ALL SIT DOWN. WE'LL
JUST SORT OF, UH... RAP.
RAP. GOOD WORD. YEAH.
I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, HERB. HMM?
BEING SINGLE STINKS.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO
BACK TO LUCILLE TONIGHT?
PACK YOUR BAGS, TAKE YOUR HULA
GIRL... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
NOTHING. WE'RE JUST... RAPPIN'!
IS THIS WHAT YOU GUYS, UH,
USUALLY DO WHEN YOU GET TOGETHER?
YEP. YEAH.
IT'S SORT OF ON THE
DULL SIDE, ISN'T IT? NO!
THIS IS ABOUT AS
EXCITING AS IT GETS.
HEY, VENUS. YEAH?
I BET YOU JUST DON'T SIT
AROUND LIKE THIS AND RAP.
NO, I WATCH A LOT OF TV.
GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE!
YEAH, BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I'M REALLY
FEELING CRAZY... KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YEAH. YEAH.
I GO OUT AND PICK UP A... OH.
CHILI DOG.
CHILI DOG?
WHAT DO YOU DO, LES? I READ.
WHAT DO YOU READ?
WELL, MY FAVORITE AUTHOR IS,
UH, ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY.
YEAH, HE'S GOOD.
HOW ABOUT YOU, ANDY? WELL, I WORK,
I GO HOME, LISTEN TO A LITTLE MUSIC,
AND THEN, UH, JUST GO TO SLEEP.
- WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU GUYS?
- WE'RE SINGLE.
LOOK, GUYS, THERE IS A WHOLE
TOWN FULL OF CHICKS OUT THERE.
YEAH, IT'S HARD TO
FIND ONE YOU LIKE.
HEY, WHAT'S LIKE
GOT TO DO WITH IT?
ONE-NIGHT STANDS GET A
LITTLE OLD AFTER A WHILE, HERB.
THIS IS NUTS.
AH, LISTEN, HERB. I MEAN,
YOU'LL GET USED TO IT, YOU KNOW?
PRETTY SOON, UH, YOU JUST START TO
LIVE WITHIN YOUR OWN MIND, YOU KNOW?
AND THEN GRADUALLY,
ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY,
YOU, UH, FIND YOURSELF
REALLY THINKING ABOUT POLITICS,
SELF-HYPNOSIS,
- HIGH FASHION.
- NOW WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO
PULL HERE? HEY, HERB, NOTHING.
YEAH, YEAH, YOU ARE TOO.
YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME...
TO BELIEVE THAT WE'RE NOT HAVING A
GOOD TIME. HEY, MAN, I'M NOT TRYING...
- RIGHT, VENUS?
- NO, WE'RE HAVIN' A BALL.
DAMN RIGHT WE ARE.
GIVE ME SOME OF THAT DIP.
HEY, HERB. HMM?
WHAT SAY WE TAKE A
LOOK AT YOUR SLIDES.
OH, MAN... NO, COME ON. I HEAR
YOU'RE QUITE A PHOTOGRAPHER.
I AM. WELL, GOOD. LET'S GO.
LET'S LOOK AT THE SLIDES.
ARE YOU CRAZY? I WOULD
LIKE TO SEE HERB'S CAR.
MY CAR? YEAH. OKAY?
- OH. YEAH, SURE.
- ALL RIGHT. GOOD. HERE.
LES, GRAB AHOLD OF THIS, WILL
YOU, AND PLUG THAT IN. SURE.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT
ABOUT THE SINGLES BAR?
WE'LL SEE THE SINGLES BAR AS
SOON AS WE'VE LOOKED AT THE SLIDES.
COME ON, GRAB
THIS. YOU READY? YEP.
OKAY.
SOMEBODY GET THE LIGHTS. YEP.
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S MY CAR.
THAT'S THE FRONT.
THERE'S THE BACK.
I'VE SEEN THIS.
OH, HERE'S ONE WITH THE
DOORS OPEN AND THE HOOD UP.
WHY WOULD ANYBODY TAKE
A PICTURE LIKE THAT? SHH!
HEY. NOW THIS IS A SHOT
OF ME AT DISNEYLAND.
NOW THE OTHER GUY
IS GOOFY, YOU KNOW.
IT'S NOT REALLY GOOFY.
IT'S NOT REALLY GOOFY.
IT'S JUST SOME GUY IN A SUIT.
YOU MEAN THEY DON'T HAVE
THE REAL GOOFY DOWN THERE?
AW. NO.
AH.
NOW THIS IS A SHOT OF A KITCHENETTE
IN A MOTEL IN WHICH WE STAYED.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T FIND TOO MANY
KITCHENETTES IN THESE PLACES,
SO I THOUGHT IT'D MAKE A PRETTY
GOOD SHOT. THAT'S REALLY NICE.
IS THAT WOOD? FORMICA.
AHA.
AH.
AW. CUTE.
THAT'S MY DAUGHTER,
BUNNY. SHE'S CUTE.
- YEAH, REAL CUTE.
- SHE SURE IS.
LUCILLE, HERBERT JR. AND...
OH, THERE'S MY CAR
AGAIN IN THE BACKGROUND.
I'LL BE DARNED. HERB JR.
WEARS WHITE SHOES TOO.
SURE. I MEAN, HE LIKES TO
DRESS LIKE ME, YOU KNOW?
I'M, UH... I'M KIND OF HIS HERO.
NEXT SLIDE, HERB.
UM... LOOK, WHY DON'T
WE JUST GO ON OUT...
NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE'LL GO IN A MINUTE.
COME ON. SLIDES.
THIS IS FUN.
ALL RIGHT.
THERE THOSE LITTLE DICKENS
ARE... BOTH OF THEM IN OUR POOL.
NICE POOL. YEAH.
YOU KNOW IT TAKES...
ABOUT 30 MINUTES TO BLOW
ONE OF THOSE THINGS UP?
BUT IT'S WORTH IT. IT'S
WORTH EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
GEE. HERB AND BUNNY HAVE
GROWN QUITE A BIT SINCE THEN.
AW!
NICE FAMILY, HUH? YEAH.
THAT'S LUCILLE AND
MY BIRTHDAY CAKE.
THE PARTY DOLL. YEAH.
SEE, RIGHT ON TOP IT SAYS
THERE, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BIG HERB."
MY SON AND I HAVE THE SAME NAME,
SO I'M BIG HERB, AND HE'S LITTLE HERB.
THAT'S IT! OKAY, LET'S GO!
HEY, COME ON, HERB.
I'M-I'M LIKING THESE SLIDES.
NO, MAN, NO. I'M, UH...
THAT'S, UH... THAT'S IT.
I, UH... I'M GONNA JUST GIVE
THEM TO LUCILLE ANYWAY.
SHOW THE NEXT SLIDE,
HERB. NO, NO, THAT'S IT. NO.
COME ON! NO! PLEASE.
LIGHTS.
NO. NO LIGHTS.
JUST FOR A SECOND, OKAY?
SURE, HERB.
I, UH... TRIED TO CALL
LUCILLE TONIGHT.
SHE WASN'T HOME.
PROBABLY OUT HAVING A GOOD TIME.
IT'S REALLY STRANGE... I MEAN,
LUCILLE NOT BEING HOME.
SHE'S...
SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN
THERE BEFORE, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW WHERE SHE IS, HERB.
YOU DO? YEP. SURE DO.
BUT THERE MUST BE MANY THINGS...
MANY, MANY THINGS... THAT YOU
FIND WONDERFUL ABOUT HERB.
OH, NONE THAT I CAN THINK OF.
EXCUSE ME, LADIES. YES?
THIS IS COURTESY OF THE
GENTLEMAN AT THE FIRST TABLE.
FINE. OH, WHAT A NICE GESTURE.
WE SHOULD GO RIGHT OVER
AND THANK HIM. NO, LET'S NOT.
OH, WELL, I'LL JUST WAVE. NO, NO,
NO. DON'T WAVE. THEY'LL COME OVER.
OH! WOULDN'T THAT BE EXCITING?
LUCILLE, TELL ME...
HASN'T IT BEEN PRETTY
LONELY WITHOUT HERB?
WELL, YOU KNOW, I
HARDLY NOTICE HE'S GONE.
YOU SEE, I HAVE
THIS POTTERY CLASS.
I MAKE, UH, LITTLE ASHTRAYS...
THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WERE
DONE BY TINY CHILDREN.
REX SAYS THAT
THEY'RE VERY PRIMITIVE.
- WHO'S REX?
- HE'S MY INSTRUCTOR.
SOMETIMES REX TAKES OFF HIS
SHIRT WHILE HE'S FIRING UP HIS KILN.
THESE ARE FROM THE
GENTLEMAN AT THE END OF THE BAR.
OH! WELL, BLESS
HIS LITTLE HEART.
YOO-HOO! UH-HUH! OH, UH,
LUCILLE, LUCILLE. PLEASE. PLEASE.
OH. WELL, TO GET
BACK TO THE SUBJECT,
REX SAYS THAT I'M A REGULAR LITTLE
POTTING FOOL, AND THAT I HAVE...
LET'S FORGET ABOUT REX.
LET'S TALK ABOUT HERB.
- YOU LIKE HERB, DON'T YOU?
- OH, LUCILLE.
JENNIFER, IT'S ALL
RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND.
HERB HAPPENS TO
BE A VERY SEXY MAN.
SHORT MAN IN HAT.
NOW, JENNIFER, LET'S JUST
BE HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER.
I KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMETHING
GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND HERB.
THERE'S NOT!
UH... I'M SORRY. I'M
JUST A LITTLE UPSET.
WE'RE ALL A LITTLE UPSET.
WE LOVE YOU, LUCILLE. OH.
WE LOVE HERB. AND WE WANT EVERYTHING
TO BE JUST THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE.
EVERYTHING. IT'LL
NEVER BE THE SAME.
WHY NOT?
I'M SORRY.
WELL, JENNIFER, YOU SEE,
HERB SAYS THAT I'M A
WONDERFUL HOMEMAKER...
AND A WONDERFUL
MOTHER, WONDERFUL COOK.
BUT I DON'T THINK THAT
HE THINKS ABOUT ME,
YOU KNOW, AS A WOMAN.
JUST A WOMAN... A FRIEND.
BALD MAN WITH SCAR.
BLIND GENTLEMAN.
WOMAN DRESSED AS MAN.
AND GUY WHO SAYS HE'S BIG HERB.
HI, GORGEOUS.
HI, HERB. HI, HERB.
SORRY.
LUCILLE, I... I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
LUCILLE, I'VE DECIDED
TO COME BACK TO YOU.
OH. WELL,
BEFORE YOU DO ME
THIS GREAT FAVOR, HERB,
UM, I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.
WHAT?
I'VE BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO YOU.
CHECK!
YOU WHAT? WELL, HAVEN'T
YOU BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO ME?
NO! NEVER! I MEAN, I SWEAR.
NEVER TELL THAT TO ANYONE.
HOW? I MEAN... I MEAN... I
MEAN, WHY? WELL, NOT IN BODY.
BUT IN SPIRIT.
OH. THANK GOD.
I HAD IMPURE
THOUGHTS AT THE KILN.
GOOD FOR YOU.
LOOK, LUCILLE, CAN'T WE JUST
GO HOME AND TALK THINGS OVER?
WELL, I WAS PLANNING ON
DINING OUT THIS EVENING, HERB.
YEAH? WHO WITH?
OH, SOMEBODY. I DON'T
THINK YOU KNOW HIM.
WE WERE TO DINE AND
THEN PERHAPS GO DANCING.
LUCILLE, I CAN DO ALL THOSE
THINGS. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, HERB.
LOOK, I CAN DANCE. AND I
CAN EAT. YOU'VE SEEN ME EAT.
I WOULD JUST APPRECIATE
YOUR ATTENTION, HERB.
YOU'VE GOT IT.
I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE LIKE
WE WERE DATING AGAIN.
YEAH. EXCEPT AT THE END
OF THE EVENING, WE CAN...
WELL, WE'LL SEE. WE'LL SEE.
WOW.
WELL, I'D BETTER CALL REX AND
TELL HIM TO KEEP HIS SHIRT ON.
COME ALONG, HERB.
LITTLE GUY WITH BOW
TIE, TALL BLACK MAN,
COWBOY AND LONGSHOREMAN.
AH.
♪♪
HI, GUYS.
UH, WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
YOU LIVE AROUND HERE, MAMA?
LOOKIN' FOR A LITTLE
ACTION, SUGAR?
WELL, LES, DON'T YOU
HAVE AN OPENING LINE?
HI. I'M EXTREMELY WEALTHY.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪