Veronica Mars (2004–2007): Season 4, Episode 4 - Heads You Lose - full transcript

Convinced the bomber is still at large, Veronica visits Chino to learn more about Clyde and Big Dick. Mayor Dobbins' request for help from the FBI brings an old flame to Neptune. Veronica confronts her mugger.

Previously on Veronica Mars...

Give me your wallet and phone.

I'm sorry.

Give me your wallet, kid.

They're saying four dead.

The motel owner, Sul Ross...

- No to NUTT.
- Was one of 'em.

I'm waiting on forensic
results from a piece of shrapnel

that I think may prove to be the
proverbial nail in Maloof's coffin.

This nail was pulled from my back.

"Re-enter the Senate race.

The next time we won't miss."

Someone's claiming
credit for the bombing?

The same emailer's been
blackmailing me for the past year.

Where's the ring, raghead?!

I don't know!

Liar! Abu Ghraaaah!

Kill those two guys back there.
I never want to see them again.

How you doin' out there?

So, my stunt double on this movie

was Chris Hemsworth's
stunt double on Thor,

which basically makes us
Eskimo brothers.

So, you slept with your stunt double?

Hm? Mm! What? No.

That doesn't mean...

And hey, I don't, but if I did,

I could do a lot worse
than my stunt guy.

Know what I mean?

'Sup. Hey, I'm Bryce.

Hey, Bryce, this is a
private convo, buddy.

C'mon, share the wealth, bro.

Alyssa, you'd be into that, right?

A little two-on-you action?

Move along! God, I am so sorry.

- Yeah, your friend sucks.
- Hmm?


Hey, come back!

I was a hundred feet away from a
bombing today. I need to be held.


You got Dick.

They're now saying one dead,
12 injured, two critically.

I've seen people blown up by IEDs.

It's horrifying, but you
kind of expect it in Yemen.

Like, how do you not just keep
reliving that in your head?

How you get past that?

Ohhhh, baby! Yes!

- I got it.
- Chlamydia?

Could have been so much worse.

No, dude,

the new Lifetime Christmas movie,

I got that. Okay, it's gonna be so rad.

It's about this sad
but smokin' hot chick

who falls in love with a
mannequin who comes to life.

I play her jealous ex,
who's also a mannequin.

Ripped from the headlines.

I'm sorry. She fell in love
with two mannequins?

Ahh. So goodbye, Neptune,

and hello, Romania.

Hey, the bartender said
that you're the owner?

- Yeah.
- Well, I saw this clown's friend

put some powdery shit
in those girls' drinks.

That guy over there.

That guy is not my friend.

I lose two-thirds of my patrons,
but the predators stick around.


- Yeah.
- Yeah, you see the doofus at table 20?

- I see him.
- I wanna talk to him.

Hey. You familiar with
Lifetime? Or... Christmas?

Or mannequins?

Hm. Hm-mm.

- All right, buddy, let's go.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's... okay.

Maybe he'll get hit by a car.

Wait. They speak English
in Romania, don't they?

No, don't do this! Please!

Okay! We'll go home! You'll
never hear from us again!


This latest explosion

just reinforces our sense that...

what happened at the Sea Sprite
was bigger than Perry Walsh.

That's not what the
police chief is saying.

She says he planted the
bomb before he died.

You're stickin' to your theory?


We still believe that it's possible

that these bombings are part
of an orchestrated campaign

to destroy Neptune's reputation
as a spring break destination.

If we are going to continue paying you,

you could at least find the ring
the Carr family stole from us.

No one stole anything.

I gave Tawny that ring.





That was, uh...

I'm just eager for us
to put this behind us.

We're gonna keep digging.

I'm talking to some of the other
businesses on the boardwalk.

Veronica is heading out of town
to speak to some past associates

of people that we
believe might be involved.

We'll keep you apprised.

Business was already shot to hell

after the first bomb, and
judging by last night's crowd,

Chattanooga Charlie's is on
a rocket ship to oblivion.

You ever seen the Country
Girl Shake with four people?

Can't say I have.

Yeah. It's sad.

Spring break pays for my year. It
pays for everybody's year down here.

Ya know, now you got that
quote-unquote "civic group",

the nutjobs or nutball... what is it?

I think it's just NUTT.

Well, the measures they wanna pass,

even if I could scrape enough
together to adjust my signage,

the parking regs and one-way streets
would do me in, I mean...

But I guess the owner of the Sea
Sprite would probably trade problems.

You two were friends?

I just got to know him recently.

I mean, all us boardwalk businesses
are under siege right now,

and Sul was kind of our Princess
Leia, organizing the resistance.

You know, sendin' out
emails, passin' out flyers.

When you say "under siege, um...

there's no
delicate way to put this, um...

has anyone taken a dump
in your ice machine?

See, where I'm from, the
phrase is "turd in a punchbowl".

It's a crazy question, I know, I...

I just learned that Sul was dealing

with a serial defecator at his motel.


Gotcha. I...

I mean, there's been some pretty bad
shit goin' down around here, yeah.

Did you see the mural outside...

Dolly Parton, Davy
Crockett, Phil Fulmer,

Smoky Mountains risin' up behind 'em...

on the side of my buildin' out here?

Can't say I did.

Yeah, damn right you
didn't. You know why?

'Cause a bunch of dickhead
bikers kept taggin' it.

So I just painted over
the whole damn thing.

It's just as well I'm gettin' out.

You're closin' down?

Done sold the place.

I ain't stickin' around for that
piece of shrapnel with my name on it.

If you don't mind my asking,
to Team Casablancas Realty?

Hell no. No.

I mean, they made an offer,
but that offer was a joke.

No, I'm sellin' to some nice people

from back home who reached out to me.

I mean, they're gonna
keep the place as is, so...

- Huh.
- Yeah.

Folks are from Murfreesboro.

Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna
be takin' a haircut,

but it ain't nothin' like the scalpin'
Big Shithead was gonna give me.

Plus, they're big Vols fans, so I
know they're accustomed to misery.

Besides, it's not like I
got much of a choice at this point.

You said they reached out to you.

How, exactly?

I've sent men to jail,

and I've taken satisfaction
from it. Always.

When you're raped and your
best friend is murdered,

all before your 17th birthday,

you don't develop a keen sense of mercy.

My trip to Chino to visit
the ghosts of cases past

didn't soften my stance.


you're still a private investigator.

In Neptune.



There are a few names
I wanted to run by you...


That was your job in high school, right?


But by now, I suppose now, you...

you probably got big, fancy offices,

an assistant.

Hmm? No?



I'd love to see pictures. Come on.

Sorry, I...

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Have you landed a husband?

What have you been up to, Tim?

Kill anyone else?

I see you haven't made
use of the copious free weights.

Have... you landed a husband?

Well, if you must know...

I must. I must.

I've been writing legal
motions for my fellow prisoners,

and a number of them have been released.

I'm quite well-thought-of around here.

MS-13, the Bloods, the
Aryan Brotherhood...

they all think you're a righteous dude?

About those names.

There's nothing I'd like to do more

than help the college
freshman who put me here. Yes.

Dick Casablancas.

Clyde Pickett. Perry Walsh.

What about 'em?

Stop it, Tim.

If I'm sure of anything
about my old T.A., it's this:

you know what I'm asking.

You know I'm unmarried,
you know I don't have kids,

you know the case I'm investigating.

They have search engines in here.

Now dazzle me with your insights.

What's this, your autobiography?

It's a list of books.

We'll trade.

I'll tell you what you wanna know,
and you send me those books.

They're hard to come by in here.


Clyde Pickett? Don't know him.

Now, Big Dick and Perry,
those two I saw a lot of.

They both worked in the library,
I spend many hours in there.

Were they friendly?

Can't say, but they
had nothing in common.

I suppose they both were misogynists,

though in very, uh, different ways.

Awful people.

You know what it's like when
someone makes your skin crawl?

I sure do.

Oh. Self-awareness was never
your strong suit, was it?

Which is why I've had to
rely on charm and good looks.

God. It is good to see you,
Veronica. How's tricks?

You still with... Puz?

I think that's the last that I heard.

News does travel slow around here.

So few Hearst alums around
to shoot the shit with.

You told me you knew Clyde Pickett.

So, you ever see Logan?

God, the way he treated
you back in the day.

It's a good thing you
got rid of that guy.

Total train wreck, huh?

Logan Echolls is a decorated Navy pilot

now serving as an intelligence
officer for his country.

How 'bout you? Are you still a rapist?

So you two keep in touch, huh?

Next time you see him...

this is gonna make him laugh...

ask him about that time that
we went to this club in Tijuana.

Dirty's, I think it was called.
That may be a loose translation.

He was with Rosa, or Easy Ezzy. Hmm.

Now me, I... I didn't
consider her easy per se,

I considered her a capitalist.

Eh, hold on, hold on.

I'm gonna tell you some stuff, okay?

I just miss discourse
with someone worthy.

Clyde Pickett.

So you and Logan, huh?

That's a love story for
the ages. Good for you kids.

Last chance.

Got a parole hearing comin' up.

It's about goddamn time, right?

But we get the news in here.

Ya know, guy at Stanford,
he gets six months.

Guy at University of Wisconsin
gets three years for multiple rapes,

and yet, here I am. Hmm?

Learnin' harmonica

and draggin' my tin cup
across the bars of my cell,

well into my second decade.

Where's the justice?

When did you say that
parole hearing was again?

- I didn't.
- Oh.

That'll be easy enough to find out.
I'm gonna put it in my datebook.

There's a lot of stuff I'd
like to tell the parole board.

Clyde Pickett... you say?

Mercer told me

Clyde was Big Dick's protector,

and it was kind of a joke
to the rest of the prisoners.

Clyde was respected,
people didn't mess with him,

but Clyde conned Big Dick,

saw him as a future payday,
which seems to be coming true.

And Big Dick worked for Perry Walsh
in the library. That's interesting.

Perry's misogyny fits
with his manifesto.

Or fits with someone writing
a manifesto to sound like Walsh.

And who appears clever
enough to do that?

- Your buddy Clyde.
- He's not my buddy.

What did you learn
down at the boardwalk?

Same sort of harassment happening

to Sul Ross has been
going on everywhere.

Just enough to imagine
it's a conspiracy.

At the same time, just enough to believe

that we're batshit-crazy
conspiracy theorists.

Matty, hi.

You guys talking about the bombing case?

As a matter of fact. You...
mind givin' us a minute?


Her dad was trying to organize
the boardwalk businesses.

Well, that explains why he was targeted.

Big Dick has been trying to
buy up boardwalk real estate

for the past couple of years...
lowball offers, though.

Most resisted. Spring
break was a gold mine,

so property owners never
felt like they needed to sell.

Post bombings, Casablancas is
getting even more aggressive.

Offers are pennies on the dollar.

He can't even overpay

to destroy a community
like a regular cuss-head.


... gets weird.

Most owners have also
recently been approached

by Mom-and-Pop outfits.

They got letters with personal appeals.

Better offers than... than
Dick's, but not by much.

Some have sold, some are holding out.

Did you get offer sheets
on the ones selling?

Yeah. Buyers are all shell companies.

I'm looking into it.

Wish we had Mac around. This
computer stuff ain't my strong suit.

Hey... Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey. Hey. Can you see
what's around my neck?!

Can you see what's around my neck?!

Is it a bomb?! It's a bomb.

- Stop! You can't just...
- He's got a bomb!

- Hey! Somebody help me!
- Oh, my God!

- Somebody help!
- 911. What's your emergency?

- There's a bomb!
- What's your address?

Ma'am, please tell me your address.

Where are we?!

Where are we...

The forensics report
as soon as it comes in.

- Yes, Chief.
- I want a copy of the witness canvass

- on my desk now.
- You got it.

Hey, Chief, phones don't stop ringin'.

People think anything
the size of a bread box

- they don't recognize is a bomb.
- Wonderful.

And just to remind you,

San Diego mayor's office
and the chief of staff.

- Oh, shit. That's this morning?
- It's now.

They're both in your
office waiting for you.

And something else.

- Is it related to the bombing?
- No.

- Well, kind of... But...
- Just go deal with it yourself.

Jim! Sheila! How are you?

We heard on our way here.

The boy had a bomb
locked around his neck?

Yeah, karmic justice.

He spent last night trying
to roofie girls at nightclubs.

But we're on top of it.

Uh, would you excuse
me for just a moment?

Just make yourself comfortable.

Who's that with Dobbins?

That's what I was trying to tell
you. The mayor called in the FBI.

Marcia, maybe it'd be best

if we do this another time.

Everyone still thinks you'd be
a good fit for us in San Diego.

Most everyone.

You've come such a long way.

I mean, it'd be a shame for
you to have to turn around...

You have a lot on your plate here.

We'll have our offices reschedule.

Well, should we just get
them on the phone now? I...

Worry about these bombs.

We'll be in touch.


Come on over here. I
want you to meet someone.

Chief Langdon, this is
Agent Woods from the FBI.

Thanks for accommodating us.

Leo D'Amato. How ya doin'?

Agent D'Amato, Agent Woods.

While it's lovely to meet both of you...

Oh, no, it's lovely to meet you.

Too. Ha.

Ah... you weren't done, were you?

Well, as I've already
explained to the mayor,

this is not an FBI matter.

None of the bombings occurred
at a college, university,

or a property used in
interstate or foreign commerce.

We're not here to investigate terrorism.

We think we might be
dealing with a serial killer.

Which is very much within
the bureau's jurisdiction.

You know what? The
more the merrier. Right?

I mean, why not.

We've already got a pizza boy,
private investigators, and...

Private investigators?

Which ones?

Hey. Uh, I'm Leo.

I didn't order a pizza.

Oh, I'm not...


Um, I'm a friend of
Veronica's. Is she around?

She's not. Uh, was she expecting you?

Not really. I haven't
seen her in a few years.

I lost her number.

Normally, I woulda called first.

Instead, you brought a pizza.

I did.

It's kind of a running joke.

Oh, I love jokes! Let's hear it.

It's not really a...

Okay. Uh, in the past,

when Veronica needed information,
she would bring me food.

Yeah. That's a good one.

That's a good one. She
does love information.

She does.

Well, would you mind letting
her know I stopped by?

Oh, don't worry. I'm sure
she'll be back any minute.

Come on in.

Oh! Let's go!

I'll be right back.

Who are they?


This is you, right?

Just keep running your mouth.

Well, what I wanna know, Juan Diego,

is, what do you have
against the Sea Sprite?

Or is it just when you
gotta go, you gotta go?

Somethin' like that.

I don't think it is.

Is the same person that's having you

screw with the boardwalk businesses

having you mug people?

What is it, a hundy for
every wallet you hand them?

Tell me the truth,

and I'll give you back
the cash I took from you.

Yo, Juan Diego, she took your money?

How 'about I just take that money...

and whatever else I want from you?

Yeah, that's right, man.

Come on, young buck.

The money is one thing, but when
you add the sexual component,

it really makes me want to shoot you.

Can't we all just get along?

Too late for getting along now.

Yo, Kha'n!

Get her purse from her car...

Aaah! Ohhh!


Let her go... before she hurts you too.

Oh, damn.

The next one goes in your bike.

Hit the road, boys. You
all got better things to do.

Quite the mentoring
program you've got here.

How's the straight life?

You wouldn't be chopping cars in
here like your uncle did, right?

I think the words you're
looking for are "thank you".

Who's she?

Her dad used to be sheriff.

The two of 'em are P.I.s now.

They have some weird
history with my brother.


Vandalism. Bombings.

Regular Fagin now, huh?

What did you say?

Relax. It was a literary reference.

Oh, I got the Oliver Twist shout-out.
But did you say bombings?

Yeah. It was me
behind the grassy knoll, too.

You, your boys...

you're doing grunt work for the
people who want to destroy this town.

Fine. Whatever.

Sell out, then!

Ya know, it must be nice
to have choices, Veronica.


Hey, buddy.

- Hi!
- Hi yourself.

Mushroom? That's not your usual.

Okay. I think I see
where this is headed.

Are you accusing me of being
with another woman, because... ?

I am definitely not accusing you of...

Oh. Shit.

The jig is up.

Hey, Veronica.

Hi... Leo.

I think Piz is back
there too. Somewhere.


- The FBI.
- Mm-hm.

Wow. I am very impressed.

And a little jealous, I think.

I heard you got married,
but... I don't see a ring.

I noticed that too.

- Ah, divorced.
- Hmm.

I'm here on this bomber case.

People upstairs knew I
had some local knowledge.

Police chief says you and
your dad are workin' the case.

She's a piece of work.

That she is.

So you G-men come to town and
piggyback off the local shamuses?

- It's page one of the handbook.
- Okay.

Fine. How about lunch tomorrow?

Uh, yeah. That sounds good.

Good to see you, Leo.

Yeah, uh, you... you too.

Oh. Sorry.

Thanks for the hospitality.

- Thank you for the pizza.
- Yeah, you got it.

Hey. I know that was a little, um...

Sounds like you two spent
quite a bit of time together

when I was landing on aircraft
carriers in the Persian Gulf.

On the rape case at the
Grand. I told you about that.

My version, it was "this
San Diego police detective".

I didn't know there was a history.

There it is. That vintage
Logan Echolls jealousy.

- Oh, I'm gonna mainline it.
- No, no.

- Unh!
- It's no biggie. Seriously.


Hunt cannot bar us from Golden Square

as long as we stay chaste within it.

Go back and gather the girls.

We'll send word to Abbadon
to prepare the house.

I have business with this harridan.

All rightie.

Got a six-foot sub if
anyone's interested.

No tomatoes. I... I know how
you feel about tomatoes, Carol.

Thanks. I'm... I'm not hungry.

You know what? I'll have a piece.

Good. You see how that doesn't work?

Yes, I do, Don.

So you're not going to go on TV
and articulate some baseless theory

about how you can insert a section
of hoagie into your disc drive

and then have said hoagie come
out of my disc drive in D.C.?

I don't have a disc drive, Don.
Do you still have a disc drive?


Great. Uh, shall we get started?

Why'd you have to mention
the group on the air?

My mother was watching, Penn.

Okay, Carol, I... I
didn't... I didn't mean...

The group hadn't
landed on Daniel Maloof.

That was all you.

I see half a stranger back there.

Move into frame, love.

Oh, this is Matty Ross.

I invited her. Her...
dad owned the Sea Sprite,

and she's here looking for answers.

- I'm so sorry for your loss.
- Sorry.


We were actually just discussing

how Penn was shown up
by the Neptune police.

Uh, Neptune police didn't show him up.

Well, they did find this
Perry Walsh character.

Although he's obviously
the patsy, right?

No. No, not the police. That was, um...

that was me telling Veronica Mars

about how we weren't
supposed to have gum

in our vending machines.

Veronica and I staked out the
place, got pictures of the guy,

and then her dad tracked him down and

gave the information to the police.

Uh... Huh. Uh...

What's that about blind
squirrels and nuts?

But... But they're wrong, right?

There's no way that Perry Walsh
attached a horse collar bomb

to a guy that fell asleep on the beach.

Well, they don't think
Walsh is the guy, either.

- What?
- What?

Well, what...

what do they think?

Does it matter?

Neither has credibility.

It has something to do with Chino

and... and stuff happening on
the boardwalk during spring break.

Logic, folks.

Let's focus on logic and facts.

So, I just had a very weird experience.

If this is one of your "I met a
woman with a cane fetish" stories,

I'm not interested.

No such luck!

I tracked down Clyde Pickett's ex,

the lovely, lovely Ichiko Doi.

You know how he mentioned
she broke up with him

- when he got arrested?
- Mm-hm.

Here's what he didn't mention.

She knew where he was
stashing his cash reserves,

and absconded with said reserves.

How much did she steal?

Three hundred and ninety-two
thousand dollars, give or take.


You're not gonna tell
Clyde where she is, are you?

That was my recommendation to her,

but, uh, Ichiko wants
him to get in touch.

She's still crazy about him.

Or mostly just crazy?

Told ya. Weird.


Back here!

Or she knows him better than we do.

Clyde doesn't sound like a guy

who would strap a bomb around
a college student's neck.

If he is who she says he is, it...

it puts quite a dent
in our operating theory.

Ho-ho! The brain trust.

I can feel the synapses firing.

Did you order a pizza?

Okay, fine. Yeah. I deserve that.

So, no pizza?

I just wanted to run a
proposal by the two of you.

Do you have a minute?

I'll bite.

What do you say...
we pool our resources?

- I say no.
- Get...

Let me get the pitch out first, okay?

Mars and Murderheads
united to solve the case.

W-We would work for free, and yes,

some of them are bozos,
one in particular,

but most of them have some
serious investigative skills.

Daniel Maloof.

Wants to see us ASAP.

You remember Maloof, right?

You wrongly accused him of murder?

I know that I've made a mess of things,

but I-I'd love a chance
to set things right.

If not for me, for Matty and Sul.

Well, that's a... a
generous offer. We...

There's... 'Kay. There's no need.

Was probably a stupid idea anyway.

Well... thank you for your time.

Unless you were into it.

She's out there, ya know.


The woman with the cane fetish.

And she's smart as a whip.

With legs up to here
and dimples of Venus.

I'm not gonna have to call
this cane woman "Mom", am I?

Time will tell.

Well, look at this.

Just the man we're hopin' to find.

That's sweet, Keith. Thank you.

So you said it was urgent?

Uh, let's wait.

I think he doesn't want me to hear.

Logan, head on in.
I'll just be a minute.

It's from the blackmailer.

He always sends from
different email addresses,

but I'm sure it's him.

He claims responsibility
for the Sea Sprite bomb.

He says my family should live in fear

if I don't resume my political
career, run for the Senate.

I'm just gonna forward
myself this email.

No, no. He said not to forward
or to show it to anyone.

That's why I asked
you to come in person.

Yeah. Gut feeling here:

it's an empty threat. He wants
something from you, Mr....

- Maloof.
- Maloof.

Sorry, I, um...

The point is,

why would your blackmailer
set off the other explosions?

It doesn't make any sense.

You all might want to see this.

Hey! There's the rest of the dream team!

- Pimpin' cane, Keith.
- Vinnie.

Maybe it's not a woman
with a cane fetish.

Mother, what's going on?

I hired my own P.I.

To find the ring.

Oh, come on.

You gotta let it go. The ring is gone.

Is it?

You have my word. I will scour the
globe for as long as it takes...

weeks, months, years...

Decades. Centuries. Millennia!

If necessary.

And, oh, uh, hey, by the way,

thank you for the opportunity.

Ya know, if you guys didn't drop
the ball on finding the ring...

- They don't care about the ring.
- They don't care about the ring?

You don't care about the ring?

From what I hear, it's an heirloom
that dates back to the pharaohs.


Ya know what, this
is gonna be fantastic.

This is gonna be absolutely fantastic,

the three of us workin' together.

We're not working together.

Sure. We're like the Avengers, ya know?

I'm Tony Stark, Iron Man...

obviously... and your dad, he's...

I don't know, is there
a... a bald Avenger?

And you're Pepper Potts.

Ya know? You're, uh, you're the girl

who helps me on with my iron
suit and runs my errands.

I got it: Captain No-hair-ica.

Captain No-hair-ica.

Oh, man, I wish my mom could see me now.

Oh. Workin' for a congressman.

Why don't you just tell her tomorrow
when she's cleaning your room?

Hey. Hey, Keith. Seriously.

You know what you guys need to
solve this whole bombing thing?


Oh, wait. I was still on bald Avengers.

No. More like a 1998
Econoline panel van, okay?

Low mileage, great for surveillance
and whatnot. You know what I mean?

- Wink, wink, wink...
- We got it covered, Vin.

I'm gonna need that retainer check now.


I haven't found the ring yet.
I'm good, but I'm not that good.

No, I-I need your
help on something else.

I want you to locate two men.

They're in a black Yukon
with Mexican plates.

Obviously, I'm willing to
pay on top of the other fee.

Well, obviously I wouldn't
do it if you weren't.

So, what is your big FBI brain
telling you about these bombings?

Well, I'd say it's even money
that your chief of police

detonates her next bomb
right here in this office.

You're not feelin' the love?

Ooh, no.

She is slow-walking
every piece of evidence.

Got nothin' on the first two bombs.

I never thought I'd say this,
but I kinda miss Sheriff Lamb.

Yeah. He was dumb and easy to
manipulate, I'll give him that.

Yeah. A good lay, too.


You know, those deputy jobs
were very hard to come by.

Off that, I think I'm gonna head out.

What, because I sold my
body to advance my career?

Veronica, I was young.

I think I'm gonna go
do a little research.

On this nail.

Those are the nails that
forensics found at the bomb sites.

Wanna go with me to the hardware store?

Why not?

Nails are to the left.


Clyde Pickett.

Who's Clyde Pickett?

Met Neptune's biggest
real estate developer

while doing time in Chino.

We're working an angle that
involves the two of them.

Find everything all right?

This looks like the one used
in the bombs, doesn't it?


And here's your change, sir.

- Thank you.
- Have a great day.

Would it be rude to follow him?

Be malpractice not to.


Looks a lot like Mars Investigations.

You are in the FBI.


Clyde asked us to find his ex.

My dad thought taking the case would
allow him to explore our theory.


This shouldn't take long.

Dad's just filling him
in on what he knows.

So you found Ichiko!

- A lovely woman.
- Right?

I can see why you were so
interested in finding her.

So where is she?

Ah. Well, she wasn't quite ready
for me to give you that information.


But... here's her email address.

She said she'd love to hear from you.

Oh. Journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step, right?

So, you never told me.

What did you think of the
concierge medical care?

I never knew what
velvet handcuffs were before,

- But now...
- Right?

Once you taste luxury,
it's hard to go back.

If the hoi polloi find
out about these places,

I'm putting all my savings
in guillotine futures.

Pro tip. Invest in baskets.

For the heads. Smart!

Always think of the ancillary
markets. I learned that from Big Dick.

You two... are an unlikely pair.

Yeah. Well, we can't all be
Butch and Sundance, right?

How did you two come to be?

You want to hear the story?

Ohh. Very much.

You got somethin' to drink?

Will this do?

Redemption 10 Year. Yes,
that will do very nicely.

Must be pretty boring
babysitting a congressman.

"The life of the creative man

is led, directed and
controlled by boredom."

Susan Sontag.

You're a strange individual.


So you're an active naval
intelligence officer?

Why aren't you somewhere more, uh...

Dangerous than the presidential
suite at the Neptune Grand?

I'm gone for long stretches
and back for extended leave.

They're just never kind
enough to let me know

when those stretches are gonna happen.

So how does that go over
with your girlfriend?

Uh, truthfully, I don't know
if it helps us or harms us.

Two natural loners and a 70-pound dog

in a 600-square-foot apartment
is its own kind of challenge.


Why take this job for which
you're completely overqualified?

May have overspent on a ring.



I won't say a thing.

Well, that's probably best.


Uh, if you wanna...

if you wanna head out,

I'm gonna stay in for the night.

You won't be ordering room service?

I appreciate your vigilance.

Good night, Logan.

You won't believe it.

- What are you doin' comin' here?!
- I had to!

I want to call it off.

Don't kill anyone. Not for me.

A day late and $100,000
short, my friend.

This is from the congressman.

You bring the money?

What is going on in there?

You got M&Ms in that jacket?

Chocolate raisins?

You're a human vending machine.

Okay. Uh, yes? No?


Ya know, Liz...

my... sh... that's my ex...

she'd always give me a hard
time about being fully stocked.

Snacks, uh, may have
gone through the wash.

More than once.

Is that why she left you?

Why would you think that she left me?

She left me.

What happened?

What happened.

We got married too soon.

It was in the madness of love,

the madness faded, as it does,

and neither of us were
happy with what we found.

How about you and Logan?

What about me and Logan?

Don't pretend like you don't
understand the question.

A... A woman well into her 30s...


... has been with the same
guy for five straight years.

If marriage isn't the
conversation that you're having,

it's most certainly the conversation
that you're dancing around.

We quite gracefully danced
around it until a couple weeks ago

when he poleaxed me by proposing.

Uh... I don't see a ring,

so... I'm guessing...

You're goddamn right I said no!

And I don't even think
he wanted to get married.

He barely reacted to the rejection.

Made me think he just asked so
he could have the upper hand.

Like he wanted

to be able to wear the
"I love you more" pants.

You ever consider

putting on the peace offering tank top?

Me? Maybe he should put on

the "I defied the
well-established boundaries

of our rock-solid
relationship" hair shirt.

All right. You know,

from the way that
you've talked about him,

to be honest, I was
expecting someone different.

The hair-trigger temper,
random acts of violence...

what are... what are
other things that we expect

from a young Marlon Brando?

I don't like to use this term...

but I'll do it because
I'm in Southern California,

but your boy... seems chill.



Uhh. All right, we're
goin' in. That's it.

They better not be playin' Twister.

All right.

Yeah. Keith...

if I ever write my auto...

my... ography,

I got the title. Here it is.

- What is it?
- It's... It's... It's...

"It's" is the first word of the title.

"It's Hard to Find Good Help:
the Clyde Pickett Story."

- That is a good title.
- Right?

Case in point: we're doin' this job,

a little savings & loan
in Wallawa... whatever,

Oregon, and, uh,

I catch one of my boys
carryin' a grenade.

- No! No!
- Yeah! Yeah!

- And I say, "Kid, wh... why?!"
- "Why?"

And he... he says, "Just in case."

So at this point,

I know I'm gonna end up in jail.

You're goin' down. You're goin' down.

Mm. Mm.

Let me tell ya about a
couple of Darwin Award winners

that deputied for me...

Number one daughter!

Dad. You remember...


Leo! Oh...

Hey, Sheriff.

Oh, Leo was one of my
deputies. One of the good ones.

- Now he works for the FBI.
- Yeah.

Good for you, Leo.

Leo, Leo.

Leo, this is Clyde
Pickett. Clyde Pickett.

Leo D'Amato, it's nice to meet you.

Yeah. Fed, huh?

Is anybody in this town
not in law enforcement?

You're here on business, I assume?

Yeah, still lookin' for Jimmy Hoffa.

So, boys, you just
doin' some day drinking?

Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa!

Here... No, I... I got it.

Thanks. I think that's
my cue to hit the road.

Thanks for the drink.

Ohh. Okay.

Okay, let me know how
it goes with Ichiko.

Yeah, lovely Ichiko.

- Dad...
- Yeah.

What the hell is goin' on here?

Two old booze hounds
deep in the giggle juice,

bumpin' gums?

I was doin' my job.

And what's with the fake-aloo?
Our mark's no Jasper.

We tailed our meat
from the hardware store.

Coulda been the same kind of nails
used as shrapnel in the bombs.

But you came up dusty.

I'm no bunny. I knew it was a long shot.


I think I know how you
turned out like you did.

Sheriff Mars...

always a pleasure.

Back atcha, Leo.

- Thanks for the company, Leo.
- Bye.


Are you still good to hit
the City Council meeting?

There isn't a bottle of
rye that can hold me down.

All the same, I think I'll drive.

So, assuming Dick is
still the big cheese,

what are we looking for tonight?

- He's gonna want to turn the screws.
- Yep.

You see what happens
when we don't prune the vine.

Violence and death.

I'm sorry, Mr. Casablancas.

I may need a little
help with the metaphor.

I don't think I'm the only one.

It's simple, Mark.

Old Neptune, clean,
decent, respectable Neptune,

was the healthy fruit on tended vine.

And Neptune now... ?

Rotten fruit... from an un tended vine.

Violence is the unintended consequence
of letting a town go to seed.

What are we doing about the bombs?


I didn't find the analogy at all
hard to follow, Mr. Casablancas.

Thank you.

So you're saying this serial
killer that is terrorizing our town

is doing so because of a lack of
one-way streets on the boardwalk

and neon signs taller than 12 feet?

Smirk if you want,

but I predict that this will continue
if these measures are not passed.

Dobbins just got my vote in
the next mayoral election.


- Hey.
- Max!

Wow, hi! Long time.

- Yeah.
- How are you?

Screwed, actually, if these
measures get put into effect.

Okay, I've made my point.

Keep fiddlin' while Rome burns!

You own a business on the boardwalk.

How, High Are You.

- Mm.
- I'm good. Name's Keith.

- How are you?
- No, no, Dad.

He owns the dispensary at Dickens
and 3rd, How, High Are You.

Ahh. How's clever workin' out?

Right now not so good.

And just when you thought it was
safe to sell recreational marijuana.

Well, good luck to ya.

Are you gonna get up there and speak?

You know, I spoke to
the other merchants,

and it was collectively decided
that the weed dealer going up there

wasn't putting our best
foot forward, so... yeah.

Hey, did you know Sul?

Hi, my name is Penn Epner.

You gain some clarity when
you barely escape death.

And you see people that
you know and care about die

feet from you.

I have a restless mind,

and when I'm not earning a living
as a undervalued working class shmo

in a town that doesn't want us around...

I've been digging into this crime.

The focus here is the
Tidy Town measures.

We were discussing the bombs earlier.

Right, well, let's get to it.

Vote no on NUTT.

- Okay...
- Vote no,

because the people that are
pushing these regulations

are trying to drive out the businesses

that own the valuable
boardwalk real estate.

They're responsible for the muggings!

They're responsible for the vandalism!

And they're responsible for the bombings

that are killing Neptune as a
spring break destination city!


Please remove the speaker.

What is happening?

Who exactly, do you ask?
Big Dick Casablancas,

and his right-hand man Clyde Pickett!

You little piece of shit!

All right, given the chaos,

tonight's vote will be postponed.

No! The measures have
the votes! Mark, call the vote!

You're gonna regret this!
Call the goddamn vote!

Meeting's adjourned.

You come here! Come here!

You see these people!

That cussing mothercusser. He...

Bugged our office. I
believe you're right.