Udan Patolas (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Crossroads - full transcript
Valentine's brings love for Lovelle and Punni but pain for Amrit. Noor's job offer in London threatens to break the gang.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Noor, what the f**k!
How many times have I told you
that I'm sleeping!
So should I turn into a pigeon
to get to the toilet?
- Chee choo!
- Chee choo?
Chee choo?
Chee choo...
Hey! Why don't you hire
a carpenter, Noorpreet?
Good idea. That might just solve
your problems, Noorpreet.
It's like my ears
are shedding tears now.
If that idiot wants to stay in his
great grandmother's bungalow...
...how is that my fault?
If you want to date a bungalow boy...
No pain, no gain. Remember.
The bungalow is fine,
but it's a stone-age bungalow.
I can make money selling tickets
for a tour of that museum.
I give him such a lovely massage before
he sleeps.
And if I wake up to pee at night...
...I move as slow as a snail.. and the moment
I step on the floor.. M**********r!
Chee choo...
His floor makes so much noise...
...that it can give a competition
to Arnab.
Noorpreet, calm down.
All such heritage properties
have wooden flooring.
"Noor, what's that noise?
I'm trying to sleep here!"
I'm sorry to say this, Noorpreet.
But, every relationship has some hassle.
- Even mine does.
- But it can't be shittier than mine.
Your boyfriend at least sleeps
after he gets a massage.
Karan just can't sleep
without watching sports.
Lovely, every boy watches sports
before he sleeps.
I'm sorry but I don't think even Anushka
watches as many of Virat's matches...
...as he does. Okay?
First, he watches cricket,
then football and then tennis..
If he doesn't find anything,
he'll settle for kabaddi.
No problem at all.
And by the way, we have replays
after all that.
Nobody cares about my problems.
Didi! Be gentle. It hurts.
What's your problem, Punni?
I got a boyfriend
with such great difficulty.
And, he turned out to be a miser.
'I have never met a dumber boy
than him.'
I've given him so many hints.
But I still haven't seen his wallet.
The other day,
I gave him a hint saying...
..."Razy,
my perfume is over."
It's over!
Don't knead me like dough, please!
I'm not lying to you. I swear.
I'm really out of perfume.
Which perfume is that, Punni?
I'll get you one.
- Chance by Channel.
- Which channel?
It's called 'Chanel', Punni.
And, Amrinder, she wants
her boyfriend to be thoughtful.
Not you.
But obviously,
you'll never get it.
That's true. I won't get it.
Because Akaash is very thoughtful.
Touchwood.
No "Chee choo" for me.
If Cyrus barks at me again,
Noorpreet will bite his head off!
I hope he doesn't mess
with me until the 14th.
Why? What's on 14th?
Oh, 70 percent sale at Zara. I know.
You idiot! It's Valentine's day!
Oh, that's so sidey.
Valentine's is kiddy stuff.
We're above all that now.
Because every day is Valentine's day
for you. Right, Amrinder?
But for us, every single day is rotten.
With that chee choo!
Enough, I'm done!
This day is rotten, my life is rotten.
Even this massage is rotten.
Don't you have mustard oil?!
Someone take this mountain off my head,
please!
Yes, Mr. Pooraswami, I have signed
many deals with this merchant...
...and he's a bloody crook
Hundred percent.
Everything is going just fine.
I will update you soon.
Yeah. Okay. Thanks.
- What happened?
- Thanks, Fazal.
Work, work, work, babe.
Listen, before I forget,
I'll be travelling again soon.
There's some issue
with the mining permit.
Oh, all okay?
Uh, yeah. But forget about that.
You tell me, how was your day?
Nothing.. just met up with the girls.
A usual day. That's it.
Try me.
We were just talking about
our relationships.
Who has the most "Chee choo"
in their relationship!
- That's it.
- Chee choo?
Usual issues.
What's your "Chee choo"?
I was just listening to them.
That's it.
You know what?
I really like your friends.
They are such genuine girls.
Like, zero pretence.
I really like that.
That's why I love them.
Why don't you invite them home...
...when I'm gone?
You can have your pyjama party
or whatever you call it.
When are you leaving?
In three days.
Oh!
What happened?
Any issues?
No. Nothing.
I just didn't know that
You were leaving on the 14th.
Why?
Do you want to spend
Valentine's day with me?
I know, I'm kidding. I know
you don't like all that stuff.
Valentine's day, heart-shaped
chocolates, teddy bears, red roses.
Cyrus Mehta, huh?
I must say, good choice.
- Your boyfriend is a legend.
- Thanks, babes.
- What's so funny?
- You know, just that...
'The whole
finance market knows it.'
Look at her.
She really doesn't know.
You know,
you're dating 'Fat Finger,' right?
Fat Finger? What's that?
You're palpitating. I think
you should just tell her Romil...
...and get done with it.
Okay, I'll tell you.
A few years back...
...your Cyrus shook
the whole stock market.
'Because of a small mistake.'
He just wanted to sell
one crore shares of his company.
But instead of seven zeros, he pressed
nine zeros with his fat finger.
And he sold 100 crore shares
of his company.
And ever since he's gone a little...
But, I must say that...
...you both are made for each other.
Couldn't get better.
And, I think I should go now.
- I have lots of work.
- Me too.
Hi, Karan.
I'm driving and, Puneet and Noor
are with me. So...
'Oh! Hi, Noor. Hi, Puneet.'
- Hi.
- Hi...
'I called to ask...'
'...do you all want to join me
for dinner at Fella bar tonight?'
Fella bar? Yeah. I love Fella bar.
Yeah. Count us in.
'Sick. See you later then, baby.'
- See you.
- Baby...
Only two weeks in and
you're already 'baby'?
Great speed! At this rate,
he might get you pregnant by tomorrow.
I'm telling you, Punni.
She has done it already.
- Am I right? Tell me, you lying b***h.
- Yeah.
- You have done it, right?
- Lovely, you are such a cheater.
You over speed
and the ticket is cut on us.
What do you tell us?
No kissing, till four dates.
No sex, till eight.
Oh, please. I haven't done anything
with him. Okay?
What a liar you are!
Lovely, follow your own rules first.
Should I slap you now! I said
I didn't do anything with him.
Is it? Then there's only one reason
for him to call you baby.
What?
He doesn't want to take a wrong name
and get into trouble.
- Noorpreet, you're so smart.
- I know, right?
He is playing safe. I think he calls
every girl 'baby'.
Do you remember
what had happened to you?
- What?
- Once you called Aman...
...as Shaan in bed?
It was the end.
You said
you and Aman didn't do it.
- Yeah. We didn't do it.
- No.
There is something fishy
about Karan. I'm telling you.
- I'm telling you.
- Says the expert.
He's comfortable with me,
that's why he calls me baby. Okay?
Oh, so much comfort in just two weeks?
What are you? A mattress?
Don't be so dumb.
Or you'll fall flat on your face.
Trust me,
this sports problem is nothing.
This 'baby' business is
your real "chee choo".
- Are you done?
- Yes.
Baboo is just my pet name. Okay?
- Hey!
- Hi.
Hi.
- Hi, good to see you.
- Hey!
- Hello.
- What's up! Hey, man.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
'So, how's work?'
- Hello.
- Noorpreet, listen carefully.
When I come in...
...please say, "Wow, Puneet.
You smell so nice".
"Which perfume is that?"Okay?
- Yeah, Sure. See you.
- Okay.
- Nice place, man.
- Yeah.
- Thanks for the plan.
- Hmm.
What is this Karan? We thought you
wanted to spend some time with us.
Sorry, guys. I had forgotten
about the football game.
'Spain versus Portugal,
dude.'
You made this plan
because you had forgotten?
Cyrus, you too can't sleep
without watching sports?
Oh no. I can put him to sleep
within a minute. Right?
Also, wake me up. Right?
F**k! Goal!
Dude!
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Baby...
- Yes, your smell.. Which perfume...
- Hey!
- Hey. - Hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- Good.
- Hi.
- Hey!
- Hello.
Hey. What's up, man!
- Good. How are you?
- Good.
Oh, my God, Puneet.
You smell so nice.
Which perfume is it, sweetheart?
It's so funny that you asked, Noor.
In fact, I was just thinking.
I'm running out of perfume.
By the way, it's Chance by Chanel.
Ah, Chanel!
Is anyone going abroad
anytime soon?
Uhm, no.
'Hello.'
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?
- 'Hi. Very well, thanks.'
What a beautiful day, Amrit.
You smell fantastic, Puneet.
Which perfume is that?
It's going to get over.
By the way, Akaash, have you met
my boyfriend Cyrus?
Of course. He's famous.
Mister Fat Finger.
No offence. I'm a big fan.
- Big fan.
- Not at all.
By the way, Razy, I have heard
that you are one of the top...
- ...ad film directors of the country.
- 'Oh, yes.'
- Which ad are you making now?
- Now? There's a client from New York.
They want to launch
their perfume here.
So, I'm directing their ad.
- Which perfume?
- Dolme Feretto.
Dolme Feretto? What's that?
I've never heard of Dolme Feretto?
Limited edition.
Completely new in the market.
I've got some samples
at my office. Trust me.
Girls are going nuts.
I'm really happy
that we are all together.
- This round is on me.
- Oh, nice! - So sweet, Punni.
Yes! Come on, guys!
Last two minutes...
- Cheers, guys.
- To love.
- To love.
- To love.
What's this?
South Africa.
Valentine's Day.
And I know, you will say
it's cheesy and all that.
But I want you to be with me
on that day.
And you can't say no.
Please.
If this is what you really want...
- But...
- But what?
Don't you want me to be with you
every other day?
Baby, turn around!
- Baby, please.
- Oh, yes.
Turn around, baby.
You look so nice.
Once more, baby.
Once more.
- Baby?
- Don't shoot.
- Baby, once more, please.
- No.
- Baby, please turn around.
- No. I'm not looking good. Please.
You know, sometimes, I feel
I should listen to you guys.
I'm pretty naive sometimes, man.
Poor innocent birdy.
Forget it.
Noorpreet, what's up with you?
'Huh?'
- Any "chee choo" last night?
Don't talk about it.
I feel like chopping off his fat finger
and shoving it in his ear.
His ears are sharper than dogs.
Cyrus should learn to sacrifice, right?
- I don't know.
I don't know what he wants now.
'He's been calling me
since morning. Bloody son-of-a...'
Sorry, Dad.
This son-of-a-fool Kaaju.
Someone tell him it's
Valentine's day tomorrow.
It isn't Brother's Day.
You know, from tomorrow,
you guys won't take my calls too.
- Why? What happened?
- I'm going to start stinking.
Only three sprays of
Chanel are left now.
I will have to start bathing twice.
God! Such a drama queen, Punni.
Oh, by the way, you guys
owe me one thousand each...
- ...for the shots we had yesterday.
- I knew this. What a show-off!
Take this, Amrinder's share too.
Here.
Anyway,
Amrinder tuned out to be a hippo.
- She means hypocrite.
- You're right.
She escaped slyly.
"Valentine's day is kiddy stuff."
What is wrong with you guys?
She is happy. Let her be.
Let's talk about us.
What's our plan?
I have decided.
We will wait until tomorrow.
Then it's our way or the highway.
I just don't want
this "chee choo" anymore.
'This is the limit, Cyrus.
What do you want me to do?'
- Or get me a diaper.
- And what should I do?
Should I move out just because
I have a squeaky floor?
I didn't say that.
I don't know. Do something.
Because...
..I will go mad like this.
You become a demon
every night, baby.
Okay.
- I have a great idea.
- What?
Let's go home.
Have some champagne.
Then you and I will make some noise
on that squeaky floor.
- Ooh.
- What say?
And I promise. I will never
complain about it anymore.
And tomorrow,
I'll fix that floor forever.
Why tomorrow? Why not today?
Is today special?
Uhm, nothing special.
Just...
- Just...
- Just like that.
Fine.
Okay.
Yes! Baby, come fast.
You have to see this six.
And you have to see me.
Baby.
Wow!
What happened?
- What happened?
- Are you going somewhere?
- Yes.
- Where?
To the room.
Well...
..I think there's still some time
for the second innings. So...
Baby.
You look so hot.
But the game...
We can play games
in the room too.
'But it's up to you.'
Yeah?
F**k!
What's the time?
It's 11:55.
It's late, isn't it? Don't worry.
I'll drop you.
It's okay. I'll go by myself.
Oh, I forgot something.
What?
- It's in this bag.
- Oh my God!
Razy, you remembered?
Thank God!
Happy Valentine's day, baby.
- To you too.
- Thank you.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
And it's just what you wanted.
Nice, huh?
- What's this?
- Limited edition.
Dolme Feretto.
Sample?
Baby, it's the most wanted perfume.
All over India.
Go to hell.
I'm tired of telling you this.
Chanel.. Chanel.. Chanel
Are you deaf?
- What's happened to you suddenly, Punni?
- You never listen, do you?
Feretto.. Feretto..
Why don't you have a funeral
for your emotions!
Oh, God!
How naive are you?
You wanted a Chanel, right?
And I'm giving you
a ten times more expensive gift.
It's Feretto.
Let it be, you emotionless guy.
Am I any less than
a limited edition?
Keep your free sample with you.
What happened to you?
You're fighting with me
on Valentine's day?
- Huh?
- I'm not fighting.
Then?
I'm breaking up with you
because you are useless.
Punni? Punn...
F**k! Dude!
Dude! Insane.
Hell yeah, buddy! Come on.
Oh my, God! What a six!
Baby, come here.
Have you gone insane?
- Huh?
- Huh?
It's f**king Valentine's day.
Yeah?
We were gonna have the best kiss.
I'm standing here dressed like
a p**n star for you.
And you left me for a six?
-Baby, look at that...
- Don't you 'baby' me.
Don't you dare 'baby' me.
Bloody...
You like to replay, right?
You replay this 'baby'
for everyone, right?
Disgusting.
That's it.
No! It's a great over.
Bro, don't do that, please.
Bro? Wow! Now I'm your bro.
Have you gone bonkers?
Crazy girl.
What's wrong with you?
Now, that's a f***g six.
Enjoy.
What a retarded girl are you!
How can someone be so dumb?
F*****g duffer.
- What did you say?
- Duffer.
The one who doesn't understand
anything.
You bloody...
What the f**k is this?
You f***r. Who the hell are you
to call me duffer?
Bloody a****e. B****d.
Bloody, fat finger.
Noor, excuse me.
Oh, normally you can hear
even the slightest noise.
And now you're deaf?
Fat finger...
After screwing up big time,
you dare call me a duffer!
Huh? "Excuse me, Noor?"
Shut up! And keep quiet.
Come on, let's fix your ears.
Let me do something. Here.
Valentine's day special.
Only for you.
Alright? Look at this.
- Noor, stop it.
- Did you hear that?
- Noor, stop it. Stop.
-
Noor, stop it. Please.
- Noor, stop it.
- Here you go.
- What?
- 'Noor, stop!'
- You want more?
- 'Noor, stop it.'
- Take this. Faster.
- 'Noor, stop it. Stop it!'
- Here you go...
-
- Can you hear now?
- Stop it!
- Are your ears open now?
Here you go... - Noor, stop it.
-Here you go...
-
What? Noor, that's an urgent call.
Please give it to me?
- Please free my hands.
- Aww. You want the phone?
Boo Boo! F**k off. Bloody fool.
My bladder will blast
if I stay with you anymore.
One minute.
To hell with you.
Hello? Cyrus is busy.
Can I take a message?
Oh! So, you want to buy more shares
of Allianz Private Limited?
It's going to boom? Mm-hmm.
Sure, I'll tell him. Thank you.
I must help you then.
Come, let's buy some shares.
- Come on.
- Noor...
Give me my laptop. Open
my stock account. Please. Noor!
Relax, baby. I know how to do it.
Thanks to my work.
- Oops!
- What happened?
Instead of buying the shares,
I sold them all, by mistake.
What?
Sorry, fat finger.
- Sorry.
- No!
Noor, cancel it.
I will go bankrupt. Noor!
Noor, what did you do?
Cancel it.
'Noor, I'm not kidding.
Noor, let me go, Noor.'
Happy f*****g Valentine's day.
Mister, Bandra?
I can't even get a taxi.
What a shitty Valentine's day.
- This piece of shit.
- Yeah, tell me.
- Happy Valentine's day, girl!
You will go crazy after
listening to what I have to say.
If I go any crazier,
I'll land up in a mental hospital.
- Go on.
- Oh, man! You remember?
I had promised you that
I will set you up in London.
Take the next flight, girl!
I don't even have a chance in Dehradun.
I can't even stop a taxi.
Mister, take me to Peddar road?
Yes?
You must've heard about
the Markson & Sons.
One of their partners is my fan.
A volcano is erupting in my head.
Please don't roast marshmallows there.
Hey! They were looking for
a partnership. So, I took a chance.
I will sleep and you...
You will sleep with girls for work?
Hey! Idiot, listen to me first.
Sleeping means,
I'll be the sleeping partner.
But on the front, you will be
the partner of Markson & Sons.
'But you have to tell me
your decision, right now.'
I have come to talk to you
asking for a loo break.
Hello? Tell me, Sister.
'You won't get another chance
like this. Think! Partner!'
'You'll be settled in London.
Head of Markson & Sons.'
'Noor, tell me, yes or no?'
I need to know right now.
Yes or no?
Sir, I have some work, I just remembered.
Please take me to Bandra.
Ma'am, you had said Peddar Road.
Now you're saying Bandra!
Yes, I just remembered something.
Bandra, please.
No! That won't do, ma'am.
Don't fool me like this, ma'am.
- Come on, get out of my cab.
- Kaaju, I'll call you later.
Bloody, shove this taxi
up your a**.
Hi, can I get a whisky sour,
please?
Sure, ma'am.
- And your room would be?
- 101, Presidential suite.
Oh, I didn't recognise you,
Mrs. Goel.
- Huh?
- You look different.
Huh?
Just met you last month
with sir.
But... Uhh.
One whisky sour coming your way.
Aditya?
What are you doing here
at this hour?
Is everything alright?
Yes, it is.
Uhm, Puneet.
Please sit.
I know you will be shocked
to hear this, but...
Ever since I have met you,
I haven't stopped thinking about you.
Okay, uh, Puneet...
Will you be...
Will you be my...
My girlfriend?
Thank God. You scared me!
Shall we go then?
To my garden where there are
lots of Labradors.
They're waiting for you.
Either all the boys
of the world are crazy...
...or I am.
I mean, how's it possible
that I date only idiots? How?
You know what? You are right.
I only attract fools.
I just attract fools.
Shut up, now.
- It's so cold.
- Was I a fool?
No, right?
And when you know only
this hot chocolate can cool you down...
...then why are you eating this cold stuff?
Give that. Take this.
Thank you, Angad.
No...
There's no need for thanks.
- Can I tell you something?
- Hmm?
I knew...
...that it's Valentine's day and
some idiot will hurt you...
...and you will be crying
on this couch.
Hmm?
And me...
...I've been alone anyway...
...waiting for you.
- Angad, please...
- Shh...
Don't say anything.
I'm not asking for anything.
Just a cup of hot chocolate
and your company.
And?
- And...
- And?
And?
And...
Just to chill.
- Just to chill.
- Hmm.
- Hey! Let's watch some TV?
- Hmm.
- Brother Ritvik, one more question.
- Yes.
- You're so handsome and dashing.
- Thank you.
So, I hope you have a girlfriend.
Do you even know
the meaning of a girlfriend?
I mean... there are friends
who are boys... and then..
'Amrit, I would have
told you.'
'But you didn't.'
'What's the big deal?'
It's not like I shared a room
with a hooker!
'No, but you were snuggling
in your ex-wife's arms.'
'Dude she's the mother of my kids.'
'We have spent a lifetime
together.'
'And, what am I, Akaash?'
'Damn it, Amrit.'
Stop trying to be my wife.
We are not married, okay?
'Bye, Akaash.'
One second, wait...
Is there any place for this box?
No. Not at all.
- Please keep it... Okay, fine.
- It'll leak, anyway.
Tell her to give it to Kaaju.
He likes this cauliflower
and turnip pickle.
- You tell her.
- Are you done?
Oh, shit.
What happened?
Are you looking for something?
- Huh?
- What is it?
I'm packed.
But I can't find one thing.
What? The lighter, right?
I threw it.
It's not allowed in check-in.
- She doesn't even know that.
- I can't find my sisters.
I see only sad souls here.
Come on. Sit down.
Crazy girl, here.
I've got champagne for you.
Come on.
- Take this.
- I don't want it.
- Come on, have it.
- I don't want. - Okay, give it to me.
Guys, come on now. Please.
We're happy for Noorpreet, right?
I mean, she is going to be
a partner, in London.
So, can we just all please cheer up
and celebrate now?
Yeah? Amrinder, come on.
Guys, just imagine. I can get you
so many things from duty-free.
Hey, Punni, you can get your Chance
by Channel.
It's Chanel, Lovely.
Where are you from, darling?
Amrinder?
Amrinder.
Please don't cry.
It's okay if Akaash is not with you.
We are here for you.
Now that she is going to live with
a dumb ass like you...
...what do you expect her to do but cry?
- In that case, you definitely don't need to cry.
- Guys, you should be happy.
And, Lovely, you failed to
turn me into a modern lady.
Now, you'll see. I'll speak better
American than you, when I 'return back'.
By the way, you're not going
to America, but, sure.
And it's not 'return back'.
It's 'return'.
Punni, now keep licking
this rented shitty house of yours clean.
You know, actually...
What?
One more bird is going to fly
out of this nest.
Because Aditya has asked me to
move in with him in his penthouse.
What?
And you're going?
How punctual are you?
Perfect timing, idiot.
Amrinder, I'm really sorry.
I'm leaving at the wrong time.
But don't worry, these two will
entertain you a lot.
Really, their nuisance value
is super high now.
And now there are two more monkeys
in this circus.
Aditya and Angad.
And you, listen to me properly.
If you get married in my absence,
I will break your legs.
I hope it happens.
And you too, Lovely.
Don't end up married.
- I hope, not.
- "I hope, not."
Just look at her blushing.
She's bursting with joy inside.
Come on, guys.
Come here.
Take care, b****es.
Okay?
And please... Don't call me.
You small-town girls, eww.
Please! Get lost.
Come on, girls.
I'll miss my flight. Come on.
Come on, let's go.
Come on I'm getting late.
I'm going to London, mate.
Come on, let's go.
- What happened?
- I'll miss you, Noorpreet.
I'll miss you too.
Miss you too.
Ring-a-ring-a-rosies.
A pocket full of posies.
A-tishoo, a-tishoo.
We all fall down.
Guys, let's go we're getting
very late. Come on.
Noorpreet, hurry up, now.
- Got the keys?
- Yes.
Oh, I forgot my keys.
I'll get it, you guys move.
Okay, we'll get the luggage down.
Meet us in the car, okay? Hurry up.
Stupid f****g pig.
A car runs smoothly
on its four wheels...
...what will happen if you pull out
even one of its wheels?
It'll stop running, right?
Four of us are just like that.
Incomplete without each other.
Pretty pointless.
Wheels might part.
They might get punctured.
But this car...
...like our friendship...
This will forever remain the same.
One, strong and everlasting.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Noor, what the f**k!
How many times have I told you
that I'm sleeping!
So should I turn into a pigeon
to get to the toilet?
- Chee choo!
- Chee choo?
Chee choo?
Chee choo...
Hey! Why don't you hire
a carpenter, Noorpreet?
Good idea. That might just solve
your problems, Noorpreet.
It's like my ears
are shedding tears now.
If that idiot wants to stay in his
great grandmother's bungalow...
...how is that my fault?
If you want to date a bungalow boy...
No pain, no gain. Remember.
The bungalow is fine,
but it's a stone-age bungalow.
I can make money selling tickets
for a tour of that museum.
I give him such a lovely massage before
he sleeps.
And if I wake up to pee at night...
...I move as slow as a snail.. and the moment
I step on the floor.. M**********r!
Chee choo...
His floor makes so much noise...
...that it can give a competition
to Arnab.
Noorpreet, calm down.
All such heritage properties
have wooden flooring.
"Noor, what's that noise?
I'm trying to sleep here!"
I'm sorry to say this, Noorpreet.
But, every relationship has some hassle.
- Even mine does.
- But it can't be shittier than mine.
Your boyfriend at least sleeps
after he gets a massage.
Karan just can't sleep
without watching sports.
Lovely, every boy watches sports
before he sleeps.
I'm sorry but I don't think even Anushka
watches as many of Virat's matches...
...as he does. Okay?
First, he watches cricket,
then football and then tennis..
If he doesn't find anything,
he'll settle for kabaddi.
No problem at all.
And by the way, we have replays
after all that.
Nobody cares about my problems.
Didi! Be gentle. It hurts.
What's your problem, Punni?
I got a boyfriend
with such great difficulty.
And, he turned out to be a miser.
'I have never met a dumber boy
than him.'
I've given him so many hints.
But I still haven't seen his wallet.
The other day,
I gave him a hint saying...
..."Razy,
my perfume is over."
It's over!
Don't knead me like dough, please!
I'm not lying to you. I swear.
I'm really out of perfume.
Which perfume is that, Punni?
I'll get you one.
- Chance by Channel.
- Which channel?
It's called 'Chanel', Punni.
And, Amrinder, she wants
her boyfriend to be thoughtful.
Not you.
But obviously,
you'll never get it.
That's true. I won't get it.
Because Akaash is very thoughtful.
Touchwood.
No "Chee choo" for me.
If Cyrus barks at me again,
Noorpreet will bite his head off!
I hope he doesn't mess
with me until the 14th.
Why? What's on 14th?
Oh, 70 percent sale at Zara. I know.
You idiot! It's Valentine's day!
Oh, that's so sidey.
Valentine's is kiddy stuff.
We're above all that now.
Because every day is Valentine's day
for you. Right, Amrinder?
But for us, every single day is rotten.
With that chee choo!
Enough, I'm done!
This day is rotten, my life is rotten.
Even this massage is rotten.
Don't you have mustard oil?!
Someone take this mountain off my head,
please!
Yes, Mr. Pooraswami, I have signed
many deals with this merchant...
...and he's a bloody crook
Hundred percent.
Everything is going just fine.
I will update you soon.
Yeah. Okay. Thanks.
- What happened?
- Thanks, Fazal.
Work, work, work, babe.
Listen, before I forget,
I'll be travelling again soon.
There's some issue
with the mining permit.
Oh, all okay?
Uh, yeah. But forget about that.
You tell me, how was your day?
Nothing.. just met up with the girls.
A usual day. That's it.
Try me.
We were just talking about
our relationships.
Who has the most "Chee choo"
in their relationship!
- That's it.
- Chee choo?
Usual issues.
What's your "Chee choo"?
I was just listening to them.
That's it.
You know what?
I really like your friends.
They are such genuine girls.
Like, zero pretence.
I really like that.
That's why I love them.
Why don't you invite them home...
...when I'm gone?
You can have your pyjama party
or whatever you call it.
When are you leaving?
In three days.
Oh!
What happened?
Any issues?
No. Nothing.
I just didn't know that
You were leaving on the 14th.
Why?
Do you want to spend
Valentine's day with me?
I know, I'm kidding. I know
you don't like all that stuff.
Valentine's day, heart-shaped
chocolates, teddy bears, red roses.
Cyrus Mehta, huh?
I must say, good choice.
- Your boyfriend is a legend.
- Thanks, babes.
- What's so funny?
- You know, just that...
'The whole
finance market knows it.'
Look at her.
She really doesn't know.
You know,
you're dating 'Fat Finger,' right?
Fat Finger? What's that?
You're palpitating. I think
you should just tell her Romil...
...and get done with it.
Okay, I'll tell you.
A few years back...
...your Cyrus shook
the whole stock market.
'Because of a small mistake.'
He just wanted to sell
one crore shares of his company.
But instead of seven zeros, he pressed
nine zeros with his fat finger.
And he sold 100 crore shares
of his company.
And ever since he's gone a little...
But, I must say that...
...you both are made for each other.
Couldn't get better.
And, I think I should go now.
- I have lots of work.
- Me too.
Hi, Karan.
I'm driving and, Puneet and Noor
are with me. So...
'Oh! Hi, Noor. Hi, Puneet.'
- Hi.
- Hi...
'I called to ask...'
'...do you all want to join me
for dinner at Fella bar tonight?'
Fella bar? Yeah. I love Fella bar.
Yeah. Count us in.
'Sick. See you later then, baby.'
- See you.
- Baby...
Only two weeks in and
you're already 'baby'?
Great speed! At this rate,
he might get you pregnant by tomorrow.
I'm telling you, Punni.
She has done it already.
- Am I right? Tell me, you lying b***h.
- Yeah.
- You have done it, right?
- Lovely, you are such a cheater.
You over speed
and the ticket is cut on us.
What do you tell us?
No kissing, till four dates.
No sex, till eight.
Oh, please. I haven't done anything
with him. Okay?
What a liar you are!
Lovely, follow your own rules first.
Should I slap you now! I said
I didn't do anything with him.
Is it? Then there's only one reason
for him to call you baby.
What?
He doesn't want to take a wrong name
and get into trouble.
- Noorpreet, you're so smart.
- I know, right?
He is playing safe. I think he calls
every girl 'baby'.
Do you remember
what had happened to you?
- What?
- Once you called Aman...
...as Shaan in bed?
It was the end.
You said
you and Aman didn't do it.
- Yeah. We didn't do it.
- No.
There is something fishy
about Karan. I'm telling you.
- I'm telling you.
- Says the expert.
He's comfortable with me,
that's why he calls me baby. Okay?
Oh, so much comfort in just two weeks?
What are you? A mattress?
Don't be so dumb.
Or you'll fall flat on your face.
Trust me,
this sports problem is nothing.
This 'baby' business is
your real "chee choo".
- Are you done?
- Yes.
Baboo is just my pet name. Okay?
- Hey!
- Hi.
Hi.
- Hi, good to see you.
- Hey!
- Hello.
- What's up! Hey, man.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
'So, how's work?'
- Hello.
- Noorpreet, listen carefully.
When I come in...
...please say, "Wow, Puneet.
You smell so nice".
"Which perfume is that?"Okay?
- Yeah, Sure. See you.
- Okay.
- Nice place, man.
- Yeah.
- Thanks for the plan.
- Hmm.
What is this Karan? We thought you
wanted to spend some time with us.
Sorry, guys. I had forgotten
about the football game.
'Spain versus Portugal,
dude.'
You made this plan
because you had forgotten?
Cyrus, you too can't sleep
without watching sports?
Oh no. I can put him to sleep
within a minute. Right?
Also, wake me up. Right?
F**k! Goal!
Dude!
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Baby...
- Yes, your smell.. Which perfume...
- Hey!
- Hey. - Hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- Good.
- Hi.
- Hey!
- Hello.
Hey. What's up, man!
- Good. How are you?
- Good.
Oh, my God, Puneet.
You smell so nice.
Which perfume is it, sweetheart?
It's so funny that you asked, Noor.
In fact, I was just thinking.
I'm running out of perfume.
By the way, it's Chance by Chanel.
Ah, Chanel!
Is anyone going abroad
anytime soon?
Uhm, no.
'Hello.'
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?
- 'Hi. Very well, thanks.'
What a beautiful day, Amrit.
You smell fantastic, Puneet.
Which perfume is that?
It's going to get over.
By the way, Akaash, have you met
my boyfriend Cyrus?
Of course. He's famous.
Mister Fat Finger.
No offence. I'm a big fan.
- Big fan.
- Not at all.
By the way, Razy, I have heard
that you are one of the top...
- ...ad film directors of the country.
- 'Oh, yes.'
- Which ad are you making now?
- Now? There's a client from New York.
They want to launch
their perfume here.
So, I'm directing their ad.
- Which perfume?
- Dolme Feretto.
Dolme Feretto? What's that?
I've never heard of Dolme Feretto?
Limited edition.
Completely new in the market.
I've got some samples
at my office. Trust me.
Girls are going nuts.
I'm really happy
that we are all together.
- This round is on me.
- Oh, nice! - So sweet, Punni.
Yes! Come on, guys!
Last two minutes...
- Cheers, guys.
- To love.
- To love.
- To love.
What's this?
South Africa.
Valentine's Day.
And I know, you will say
it's cheesy and all that.
But I want you to be with me
on that day.
And you can't say no.
Please.
If this is what you really want...
- But...
- But what?
Don't you want me to be with you
every other day?
Baby, turn around!
- Baby, please.
- Oh, yes.
Turn around, baby.
You look so nice.
Once more, baby.
Once more.
- Baby?
- Don't shoot.
- Baby, once more, please.
- No.
- Baby, please turn around.
- No. I'm not looking good. Please.
You know, sometimes, I feel
I should listen to you guys.
I'm pretty naive sometimes, man.
Poor innocent birdy.
Forget it.
Noorpreet, what's up with you?
'Huh?'
- Any "chee choo" last night?
Don't talk about it.
I feel like chopping off his fat finger
and shoving it in his ear.
His ears are sharper than dogs.
Cyrus should learn to sacrifice, right?
- I don't know.
I don't know what he wants now.
'He's been calling me
since morning. Bloody son-of-a...'
Sorry, Dad.
This son-of-a-fool Kaaju.
Someone tell him it's
Valentine's day tomorrow.
It isn't Brother's Day.
You know, from tomorrow,
you guys won't take my calls too.
- Why? What happened?
- I'm going to start stinking.
Only three sprays of
Chanel are left now.
I will have to start bathing twice.
God! Such a drama queen, Punni.
Oh, by the way, you guys
owe me one thousand each...
- ...for the shots we had yesterday.
- I knew this. What a show-off!
Take this, Amrinder's share too.
Here.
Anyway,
Amrinder tuned out to be a hippo.
- She means hypocrite.
- You're right.
She escaped slyly.
"Valentine's day is kiddy stuff."
What is wrong with you guys?
She is happy. Let her be.
Let's talk about us.
What's our plan?
I have decided.
We will wait until tomorrow.
Then it's our way or the highway.
I just don't want
this "chee choo" anymore.
'This is the limit, Cyrus.
What do you want me to do?'
- Or get me a diaper.
- And what should I do?
Should I move out just because
I have a squeaky floor?
I didn't say that.
I don't know. Do something.
Because...
..I will go mad like this.
You become a demon
every night, baby.
Okay.
- I have a great idea.
- What?
Let's go home.
Have some champagne.
Then you and I will make some noise
on that squeaky floor.
- Ooh.
- What say?
And I promise. I will never
complain about it anymore.
And tomorrow,
I'll fix that floor forever.
Why tomorrow? Why not today?
Is today special?
Uhm, nothing special.
Just...
- Just...
- Just like that.
Fine.
Okay.
Yes! Baby, come fast.
You have to see this six.
And you have to see me.
Baby.
Wow!
What happened?
- What happened?
- Are you going somewhere?
- Yes.
- Where?
To the room.
Well...
..I think there's still some time
for the second innings. So...
Baby.
You look so hot.
But the game...
We can play games
in the room too.
'But it's up to you.'
Yeah?
F**k!
What's the time?
It's 11:55.
It's late, isn't it? Don't worry.
I'll drop you.
It's okay. I'll go by myself.
Oh, I forgot something.
What?
- It's in this bag.
- Oh my God!
Razy, you remembered?
Thank God!
Happy Valentine's day, baby.
- To you too.
- Thank you.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
And it's just what you wanted.
Nice, huh?
- What's this?
- Limited edition.
Dolme Feretto.
Sample?
Baby, it's the most wanted perfume.
All over India.
Go to hell.
I'm tired of telling you this.
Chanel.. Chanel.. Chanel
Are you deaf?
- What's happened to you suddenly, Punni?
- You never listen, do you?
Feretto.. Feretto..
Why don't you have a funeral
for your emotions!
Oh, God!
How naive are you?
You wanted a Chanel, right?
And I'm giving you
a ten times more expensive gift.
It's Feretto.
Let it be, you emotionless guy.
Am I any less than
a limited edition?
Keep your free sample with you.
What happened to you?
You're fighting with me
on Valentine's day?
- Huh?
- I'm not fighting.
Then?
I'm breaking up with you
because you are useless.
Punni? Punn...
F**k! Dude!
Dude! Insane.
Hell yeah, buddy! Come on.
Oh my, God! What a six!
Baby, come here.
Have you gone insane?
- Huh?
- Huh?
It's f**king Valentine's day.
Yeah?
We were gonna have the best kiss.
I'm standing here dressed like
a p**n star for you.
And you left me for a six?
-Baby, look at that...
- Don't you 'baby' me.
Don't you dare 'baby' me.
Bloody...
You like to replay, right?
You replay this 'baby'
for everyone, right?
Disgusting.
That's it.
No! It's a great over.
Bro, don't do that, please.
Bro? Wow! Now I'm your bro.
Have you gone bonkers?
Crazy girl.
What's wrong with you?
Now, that's a f***g six.
Enjoy.
What a retarded girl are you!
How can someone be so dumb?
F*****g duffer.
- What did you say?
- Duffer.
The one who doesn't understand
anything.
You bloody...
What the f**k is this?
You f***r. Who the hell are you
to call me duffer?
Bloody a****e. B****d.
Bloody, fat finger.
Noor, excuse me.
Oh, normally you can hear
even the slightest noise.
And now you're deaf?
Fat finger...
After screwing up big time,
you dare call me a duffer!
Huh? "Excuse me, Noor?"
Shut up! And keep quiet.
Come on, let's fix your ears.
Let me do something. Here.
Valentine's day special.
Only for you.
Alright? Look at this.
- Noor, stop it.
- Did you hear that?
- Noor, stop it. Stop.
-
Noor, stop it. Please.
- Noor, stop it.
- Here you go.
- What?
- 'Noor, stop!'
- You want more?
- 'Noor, stop it.'
- Take this. Faster.
- 'Noor, stop it. Stop it!'
- Here you go...
-
- Can you hear now?
- Stop it!
- Are your ears open now?
Here you go... - Noor, stop it.
-Here you go...
-
What? Noor, that's an urgent call.
Please give it to me?
- Please free my hands.
- Aww. You want the phone?
Boo Boo! F**k off. Bloody fool.
My bladder will blast
if I stay with you anymore.
One minute.
To hell with you.
Hello? Cyrus is busy.
Can I take a message?
Oh! So, you want to buy more shares
of Allianz Private Limited?
It's going to boom? Mm-hmm.
Sure, I'll tell him. Thank you.
I must help you then.
Come, let's buy some shares.
- Come on.
- Noor...
Give me my laptop. Open
my stock account. Please. Noor!
Relax, baby. I know how to do it.
Thanks to my work.
- Oops!
- What happened?
Instead of buying the shares,
I sold them all, by mistake.
What?
Sorry, fat finger.
- Sorry.
- No!
Noor, cancel it.
I will go bankrupt. Noor!
Noor, what did you do?
Cancel it.
'Noor, I'm not kidding.
Noor, let me go, Noor.'
Happy f*****g Valentine's day.
Mister, Bandra?
I can't even get a taxi.
What a shitty Valentine's day.
- This piece of shit.
- Yeah, tell me.
- Happy Valentine's day, girl!
You will go crazy after
listening to what I have to say.
If I go any crazier,
I'll land up in a mental hospital.
- Go on.
- Oh, man! You remember?
I had promised you that
I will set you up in London.
Take the next flight, girl!
I don't even have a chance in Dehradun.
I can't even stop a taxi.
Mister, take me to Peddar road?
Yes?
You must've heard about
the Markson & Sons.
One of their partners is my fan.
A volcano is erupting in my head.
Please don't roast marshmallows there.
Hey! They were looking for
a partnership. So, I took a chance.
I will sleep and you...
You will sleep with girls for work?
Hey! Idiot, listen to me first.
Sleeping means,
I'll be the sleeping partner.
But on the front, you will be
the partner of Markson & Sons.
'But you have to tell me
your decision, right now.'
I have come to talk to you
asking for a loo break.
Hello? Tell me, Sister.
'You won't get another chance
like this. Think! Partner!'
'You'll be settled in London.
Head of Markson & Sons.'
'Noor, tell me, yes or no?'
I need to know right now.
Yes or no?
Sir, I have some work, I just remembered.
Please take me to Bandra.
Ma'am, you had said Peddar Road.
Now you're saying Bandra!
Yes, I just remembered something.
Bandra, please.
No! That won't do, ma'am.
Don't fool me like this, ma'am.
- Come on, get out of my cab.
- Kaaju, I'll call you later.
Bloody, shove this taxi
up your a**.
Hi, can I get a whisky sour,
please?
Sure, ma'am.
- And your room would be?
- 101, Presidential suite.
Oh, I didn't recognise you,
Mrs. Goel.
- Huh?
- You look different.
Huh?
Just met you last month
with sir.
But... Uhh.
One whisky sour coming your way.
Aditya?
What are you doing here
at this hour?
Is everything alright?
Yes, it is.
Uhm, Puneet.
Please sit.
I know you will be shocked
to hear this, but...
Ever since I have met you,
I haven't stopped thinking about you.
Okay, uh, Puneet...
Will you be...
Will you be my...
My girlfriend?
Thank God. You scared me!
Shall we go then?
To my garden where there are
lots of Labradors.
They're waiting for you.
Either all the boys
of the world are crazy...
...or I am.
I mean, how's it possible
that I date only idiots? How?
You know what? You are right.
I only attract fools.
I just attract fools.
Shut up, now.
- It's so cold.
- Was I a fool?
No, right?
And when you know only
this hot chocolate can cool you down...
...then why are you eating this cold stuff?
Give that. Take this.
Thank you, Angad.
No...
There's no need for thanks.
- Can I tell you something?
- Hmm?
I knew...
...that it's Valentine's day and
some idiot will hurt you...
...and you will be crying
on this couch.
Hmm?
And me...
...I've been alone anyway...
...waiting for you.
- Angad, please...
- Shh...
Don't say anything.
I'm not asking for anything.
Just a cup of hot chocolate
and your company.
And?
- And...
- And?
And?
And...
Just to chill.
- Just to chill.
- Hmm.
- Hey! Let's watch some TV?
- Hmm.
- Brother Ritvik, one more question.
- Yes.
- You're so handsome and dashing.
- Thank you.
So, I hope you have a girlfriend.
Do you even know
the meaning of a girlfriend?
I mean... there are friends
who are boys... and then..
'Amrit, I would have
told you.'
'But you didn't.'
'What's the big deal?'
It's not like I shared a room
with a hooker!
'No, but you were snuggling
in your ex-wife's arms.'
'Dude she's the mother of my kids.'
'We have spent a lifetime
together.'
'And, what am I, Akaash?'
'Damn it, Amrit.'
Stop trying to be my wife.
We are not married, okay?
'Bye, Akaash.'
One second, wait...
Is there any place for this box?
No. Not at all.
- Please keep it... Okay, fine.
- It'll leak, anyway.
Tell her to give it to Kaaju.
He likes this cauliflower
and turnip pickle.
- You tell her.
- Are you done?
Oh, shit.
What happened?
Are you looking for something?
- Huh?
- What is it?
I'm packed.
But I can't find one thing.
What? The lighter, right?
I threw it.
It's not allowed in check-in.
- She doesn't even know that.
- I can't find my sisters.
I see only sad souls here.
Come on. Sit down.
Crazy girl, here.
I've got champagne for you.
Come on.
- Take this.
- I don't want it.
- Come on, have it.
- I don't want. - Okay, give it to me.
Guys, come on now. Please.
We're happy for Noorpreet, right?
I mean, she is going to be
a partner, in London.
So, can we just all please cheer up
and celebrate now?
Yeah? Amrinder, come on.
Guys, just imagine. I can get you
so many things from duty-free.
Hey, Punni, you can get your Chance
by Channel.
It's Chanel, Lovely.
Where are you from, darling?
Amrinder?
Amrinder.
Please don't cry.
It's okay if Akaash is not with you.
We are here for you.
Now that she is going to live with
a dumb ass like you...
...what do you expect her to do but cry?
- In that case, you definitely don't need to cry.
- Guys, you should be happy.
And, Lovely, you failed to
turn me into a modern lady.
Now, you'll see. I'll speak better
American than you, when I 'return back'.
By the way, you're not going
to America, but, sure.
And it's not 'return back'.
It's 'return'.
Punni, now keep licking
this rented shitty house of yours clean.
You know, actually...
What?
One more bird is going to fly
out of this nest.
Because Aditya has asked me to
move in with him in his penthouse.
What?
And you're going?
How punctual are you?
Perfect timing, idiot.
Amrinder, I'm really sorry.
I'm leaving at the wrong time.
But don't worry, these two will
entertain you a lot.
Really, their nuisance value
is super high now.
And now there are two more monkeys
in this circus.
Aditya and Angad.
And you, listen to me properly.
If you get married in my absence,
I will break your legs.
I hope it happens.
And you too, Lovely.
Don't end up married.
- I hope, not.
- "I hope, not."
Just look at her blushing.
She's bursting with joy inside.
Come on, guys.
Come here.
Take care, b****es.
Okay?
And please... Don't call me.
You small-town girls, eww.
Please! Get lost.
Come on, girls.
I'll miss my flight. Come on.
Come on, let's go.
Come on I'm getting late.
I'm going to London, mate.
Come on, let's go.
- What happened?
- I'll miss you, Noorpreet.
I'll miss you too.
Miss you too.
Ring-a-ring-a-rosies.
A pocket full of posies.
A-tishoo, a-tishoo.
We all fall down.
Guys, let's go we're getting
very late. Come on.
Noorpreet, hurry up, now.
- Got the keys?
- Yes.
Oh, I forgot my keys.
I'll get it, you guys move.
Okay, we'll get the luggage down.
Meet us in the car, okay? Hurry up.
Stupid f****g pig.
A car runs smoothly
on its four wheels...
...what will happen if you pull out
even one of its wheels?
It'll stop running, right?
Four of us are just like that.
Incomplete without each other.
Pretty pointless.
Wheels might part.
They might get punctured.
But this car...
...like our friendship...
This will forever remain the same.
One, strong and everlasting.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.