Two Weeks to Live (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript

Jay, what you doing?

Stay where you are.

Sorry, sweetheart.
Who are you?

Ohh. You are handsome.

Fuck-it!

Cheers, mate.

Wait, where are
the police?

See they wanted me to plant
a tracker on you guys,

but I knew that they
were full of shit.

So, I stuck it in.

Mrs. D's fish instead.



No harm done.

You have two minutes to explain.

And it better be good.

Okay.

Kim.

There is this TV show called
Crystal Maze and at the

end all the players

they have to stand in
this big fucking Crystal

Dome thing.

Right!

Just give him a chance.

And they blow all these
bits of silver and gold

shit into your face. But
the trick is you only

have to catch the gold ones
to win. If you catch



the silver ones you lose.

Okay, you can kill him.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...okay

I went to
the police because

since dad died

I've just been fucking
lost in the crystal wind.

Shit blowing in my face

and the only person who
can help me separate the

gold from the silver, is
that kid standing right there.

Look man, my loyalties are
to Nicky and Beth

and

he wasn't exactly going
to save himself, was he?

Because, well... love
makes you do stupid shit.

Whoah! Hold your horses.

Sorry, permission to
help a boy.

You do know I don't.

Yeah, that would be..

No, I think you're
nice and everything.

I think you're nice.

Oh, thanks.

I just mean in the same
way that I think that

that candle is nice.

Yeah, that's a lovely candle.

It looks nice.

It smells...

It's scented actually.

..like pine cones.

Wow.

I on-boarded it.

Okay, and I'm sorry, but
when I realised what

they were up to
I on-boarded it.

And out flew the devil
just like Pandora

and her little wooden horse.

Beth babe, you
are a lifesaver.

I thought we
had an agreement.

Brooks!

What the fuck

do they want with Beth?

Hello, Alan.

Well, look what the cat
dragged in.

What do you want?

I've got a cat actually.

Yeah, always bringing
dead birds in.

Heads cut off.

Guts all over the
fucking kitchen floor.

Apparently. He's supposed to
be a gift.

We thought that was quite a bold choice
on his behalf, you know what I mean?

You got your money
and your fall guy.

Why are we even having
this conversation?

No, because your little pal
let the cat out of the bag.

Terry now knows that Ian
did not kill Jimmy and

the money is nowhere
to be seen.

You kept the money.

Oh my God.

So now I need you to
bring me a little gift.

Otherwise, it won't be me
calling you next time.

And Terry is a lot more vicious
than her dad ever was.

Okay.

Meet me in Carl's caff in couple of hours.
I'll send you the location.

You'll get your money and
your dead little bird.

I appreciate that, Joe.

I really do.

Why are they at Beth's house?
Is she okay?

I told you to give that
money back, didn't I?

Now is your chance.

Go and get it.

We're leaving.

They'll be here soon.

Make sure Jay's ready with
the money, over.

Roger that, Mom and
for the record

I'm still super
angry with you.

Roger that, Kim.
Let's deal with that later.

Over and out.

Okay, please don't ask for
my permission and then

say out before I had
the chance to answer.

It's really annoying.

Copy that. Completely understood.
Over and out.

You just spoke right over me.
You do realise that?

Radio comms only, please Kimmy.

Thank you.
Out.

You sure about this, bro?

They are at Beth's house
man. I've got to do this.

But we seriously got to start
talking about the business.

Get us up and running.
You get me?

Shit.
Hold this.

Please say out at the end of your messages.
Out.

Out.

You alright?

What the fuck is going on, Jay?

I find half a
million pounds in cash.

The two police detectives, with
guns, are in our house

going through our stuff.

I'm trying to
make it right.

Okay?
I was just trying to

Look, I know you don't want
to spend the rest of

your life with the geezer off
the fish counter. I get that.

What are you on about?

You know I don't
care about that.

Look, I got plans for me and you
that's all I'm saying.

I don't need plans, Jay. I need my
boyfriend to be honest with me.

Do you want to talk
to me about honesty?

All right, if we're being
honest then Beth, and you

really don't care about
my job and all that,

then

marry me.

What?

No, serious.
Marry me.

Jesus!

Jay.
I... It's..

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Hey, just listen to me...

No, just forget it...

I have to go.

Jay!

Come here, man.

Okay, this is the place.

Alright.
So when he comes out.

Could you..
Can you just stop doing that?

Let me do all the talking.

We need the money
and him in the car.

Tompson!

Soorrrry.

God!

Cuz I hate it when
places only serve dishonest

foreign food.

Yeah.

Like Halloumi.

Ehhh?

It's like stop pretending
to be chicken your

cheesy bastard.

Who's that?

Here we go.

Get into the car, sweetheart.

I was told this was a bag-drop.

Well, we are not exactly going to
do out here in the open.

Are we?

Do not leave that as the
last line of argument.

Listen, this is the
same conundrum, yeah

that I have with tomatoes.

Oh my God, don't get me
started on tomatoes.

It is like... you're not
a fruit, are you?

If you were, you'd be
delicious of fruity

like don't go
around with that.

I'm not a vegetable as..

Yeah, you know what.
Listen - fuck tomatoes.

Fuck tomatoes.

Would you two, please
shut the fuck..

Where's Kim?

There's cameras on the cafe.

If you get in the car.

We'll go somewhere quiet.

While we're still young.
Whenever you're ready.

I'll drive.
You shoot.

What do you want us to do?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe
just take care to stay the

fuck out of my face and
I'll really appreciate it.

Oiiii!

Are you with them bastards?

Get out of the fucking way?

Move!

Or what?

What's going on?

They're gonna kill you.

Could you not see that?

Take this?

Shit!

Fuck this!

Kim.

Take mine.

What are you doing?

I'm going to answer the shots.

SHITTT!!!

Shoot the bloody tires.

I'm trying.
Hold it steady.

Magazine.

Watch my windscreen.

Watch my fucking windscreen.

Shit...shit...shit...shit

Shit...shit...shit...shit

Aaaahhhhhhh!

Whoooaaahhh!

Fuck!

Fuck-it!

We should to find
somewhere to camp.

It'll be dark soon and still
long drive to the cabin.

Who says we're going
back to the cabin?

It's just somewhere safe to
lie low make a plan. Okay?

Even you would agree with that,
wouldn't you, dick wallet?

Dick wallet?

What's a dick wallet?

Right, that's decided then.
We'll camp tonight

and we will leave for the
cabin at first light.

Seriously, what's a
dick wallet?

I think she means some
sort of dystopian future

in which money no
longer means anything.

Right.

And the only currency..

Yeah?

..is for some unknown reason

the savaged penes of
your fallen enemies.

Right.

Which you could carry around in
some kind of bespoke leather-bound

Dick wallet.

Right.
Exactly!

Yeah.
But I mean.

Cool, but

I think it would be
more of a purse.

You have to tell him, you know.

About the business.

Yeah. I could tell him.

Or I could just change my
life plans and start a

landscaping business to avoid
having that conversation.

Okay.

I'll tell him.

I just need you to tell
me exactly what to say

word for word.

It's easy. You just...

look him in the eye.

And you say:

Jay.
You're my brother.

And you know how much I love you

and

care for you.

And I know this is really
hard time for you,

but

I can't start a business
with you, bro.

I've been offered an
internship in London.

I'm really sorry man. I just..

What do I know about landscaping and
with my hay fever I'd be terrible.

Compost gives me a rash.

I'm more of
an indoor person.

I just think

Just....

I get it.

You got to do
what's best for you.

Hey, don't feel
bad about that.

Yeah?

Thanks, man.

He's right, you know.

When this is all over, you
should do whatever you want.

Just don't undervalue what
we have, that is all I ask?

Okay! I'm gonna go and
get some more firewood.

Nicky, you coming?

Sure, you're okay?

I'm fine, kid.

Go on, go with Kim.

Beth's pregnant.

And she didn't tell me.

I mean, why would she?

I mean, what am I really
going to offer her and a baby?

That business was the only
chance I had, man.

Do me a favor.
Close your eyes, Jay.

Now, just imagine

It's

You

and Beth

and the baby.

And... you're in a cabin
in the woods.

There's nothing else.

No pressures.

No expectations.

No TV.

No money.

Nothing.

Just let all that melt away.

Cheers.

I'll leave that
with you, Chump.

Yeah

All right, boss.

Well, let you know.

That was Terry.

She sending reinforcements.

She said if we don't find them then
she'll take one of us instead.

I used to be a
good cop, you know?

Life was a
lot less complicated.

We're going to find this mob

and when we do

we're going to tell Terry
that the money just

disappeared.

And then we're going to
split it 50/50.

I swear.

If she finds out
she'll kill us both.

I gave my whole life
to Terry and her dad.

If I'm going
to die alone.

I'd rather it was with an eight ball
of coke in a beach rental in Malibu.

Do we understand each other?

50 / 50.

And

you have to promise to stop
being such a grumpy prick.

I think I can manage that.

Thank you.

Now fuck off.

That was amazing. I can't believe
I just said what I thought

and saying what I thought
made the situation

10 times better.

I don't get it. It's that what
people just do all of the time?

No, nobody does.

Well, how do you ever
tell anyone what you want?

By dropping subtle hints and sighing
loudly if they get it wrong.

Right. So if I wanted to
kiss you now, how would I

go about it
in your world?

You would spend six or seven
months beating around the bush

and then just drink half a
bottle of vodka and then

I'd like to kiss you now.

Oh.

Please.

My ways better.

See?

Wow!

That's number 16 well and
truly crossed of the old list, ehh?

You read my book?

I'd say more like..
browsed

or leafed...
really.

Dipped my toe in, even though it'll go
'the waters cold in here. I'm out.'

Say something.

You see, you can't trust him.

Kim!

Kim!

Nice one, dipshit.

Looks like we might get
our little bird after all.

Where are those reinforcements?

Any minute now.

All right, then.