Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018): Season 12, Episode 8 - Will You For To Be Fucking Married To Me? - full transcript
Lahey tries to squeeze his way into the beer business. Ricky and Susan's fighting prevents Candy from getting a private moment with Julian.
[Bubbles] Finally, one of those.
Box number 2, boys.
Ah, yes!
Decent!
That's even nicer than
I thought it would be.
There's nothing better
than unboxing brand-new shit.
You know it's gonna make you
a lot more money.
[Ricky] You're fucking starting
to sound like Julian.
Eat my ass, Ricky. Making money
is what business is all about.
I'm not just doing this
for the fun of it.
Well, we're doing it
for the fun of it too, Julian.
Think about it.
Working with my two best buddies,
everything legit,
on the up-and-up,
beer's amazing.
[giggle]
I'm telling you, boys,
if we can just keep doing this
the way we're doing it,
we're gonna be
fucking unstoppable!
-Yeah!
-Unstop... Ricky!
All right. You okay to hold down the fort
while we get supplies?
-Yeah, of course, I am.
-Where's the list then, bud?
Uh... just wait.
Where is the fucking list?
Right there. Get exactly
the things I want. Don't...
try to get, you know,
fancy with it.
All right. No problem.
Guys, I want to tell you
how proud I am of you two.
I just wish we had've gotten
our shit together, like, 20 years ago.
-Mmm.
-Yeah. This is cool.
-Yeah, me too.
-No shit.
Who's the one that's been saying,
-"Get your shit together"?
-[coughing]
Ricky...
-Rick...
-[spitting]
-Rick, just...
-Don't be spitting on my fucking floor!
-Sorry, man.
-Clean that up.
Forgot we were fucking inside.
Your place looks fucked.
[Bubbles] Ricky, you know...
big fucking loogs like that,
your body's trying to tell you
to chill out. You know that, right?
I know, but my brains are
telling me to smoke more,
-They're the ones that make the talk.
-[horn honking]
Oh, let's go. Come on.
What the fuck is going on here?
Candy took the day off work,
she's gonna come get supplies with us,
then, she's fucking taking me out
for lunch to talk to me about something.
[Ricky] Oh, fuck. Sorry, man.
She's fucking breaking up with you.
-What do you mean?
-Think about it.
She needs to talk to you, lunch,
that's break-up shit.
Was just a matter of time anyway,
I guess.
You think so?
Well, look at her.
She's a good-looking chick,
rich and smart.
Look at you. You're fucked-looking,
just a muscle dummy.
And you're dumb, broke,
and you're a criminal.
Not anymore, man,
I'm getting my shit together. Come on.
Oh, great. We'll see.
This is gonna be a real good time.
Can't fucking smoke dope
in the car now, Julian.
Just get in the fucking car.
Fuck's sake.
-Hey, baby.
-[sweetly] Hi!
-How you doing?
-Nice shirt. Good.
-Right on.
-Handsome.
-[vehicle approaching]
-[Ricky] What the fuck does she want?
-[tires grinding on gravel]
-[Ricky] Jesus Christ!
[Julian] Ricky, ignore her.
Don't even fucking talk to her.
I should at least see
what she fucking wants.
-Get in the fucking car.
-[car door opening, closing]
That's a little fucking close.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Well, to be honest, Ricky,
I can't stop fucking thinking about you.
And I'm not happy about it.
Oh, really? Well, if we're being honest,
I can't stop fucking
thinking about you either.
It is driving me fucking nuts!
It's making me insane!
Oh-h-h-h-h-h! Poor baby!
How do you think I feel?
You think I like not being able to
stop thinking about a fucking loser?
Think I like not being able to stop
thinking about a fucking bitchy asshole
who keeps yelling at me, treats me like
fucking shit? That's awesome!
-[Susan] What are we gonna do about it?
-I don't know.
We're not getting back together.
Are we?
I don't know, maybe we are.
Oh, you want to get back together?
-Yeah, maybe I fucking do!
- Well, let's fucking do it then...
Oh, ho, ho! Great news!
-That'll be a great fucking time!
-Great fucking news, Rick!
Once again, Susan gets her way
and we get back together, right?
-Goddamn fucking right I do.
-All right. Perfect.
We're fucking back together then.
[Candy chuckling]
[Candy laughing]
-[Julian] They're so fucked.
-[laughing]
[theme music]
-[Mr. Lahey] For fuck's sakes!
-[clattering]
[muttering]
...fuck...
Fuck...
-[Mr. Lahey] How you doing?
-[man] Uh, good?
Jim Lahey, supervisor.
I just noticed you driving around here
three or four times.
Anything I can do to help you?
Yeah, I'm looking for Julian.
-Julian?
-Mm.
Oh, you just missed him.
-Oh...
-Yeah, he just left.
Uh, don't know when he'll be back.
Sometimes he's gone
for three or four days.
-Oh... well, that sucks shit.
-Yeah.
-Days, huh?
-Yeah.
Listen uh...
I'm a good friend of his.
Uh, anything I can do to help you?
Well, I bought a bunch of beer from him
and it sold out real quick.
Now I've got a big event coming up
and I want 200 cases of the stuff.
200 cases?
-Yeah.
-Oh, geez!
Well, I'll be sure
to let him know then.
Oh, well, groovy.
Just tell him to call Big Hawk.
Yeah well, I'll have to take...
take your word for it...
[chuckling]
Mr. Big Cock.
[Julian] We should get supplies
all the time, you know?
All right.
This wine stinks, though.
How do people drink wine?
It doesn't stink. It's good.
-Is it?
-Yes. Makes you do crazy shit.
I'm gonna have to
try some wine then.
What the fuck is she doing,
stringing him along?
-Ridiculous.
-Baby, you're so suspicious.
[sighing]
Sorry, babe.
All right, one of these right here.
Why don't you use the organic kind?
Well, this is the one on the list and, uh,
that's almost twice the money.
-So we'll get this one, I guess.
-Yeah, but...
the organic kind is grown without GMOs
and disgusting spider DNA.
-Well...
-You can sell the beer for more.
I get it, but I don't know anything
about spiders and shit,
and Bubbles said to get this one,
and Bubbles is the beer
expert, right? Not you.
So we'll get this one.
I never said I was a fucking beer expert.
And God forbid you
use your fucking brain for once.
I don't need to use my brain,
because we have a list.
So why would I use my fucking brain
if I don't have to?
That might be the dumbest thing
anybody has ever said
-in the history of the world, Ricky.
-Actually, it's not.
It's not even the fucking dumbest thing
I've said today. So wrong again, Susan!
Jesus fucking Christ,
here we fucking go again, aren't we?
-Yep. Yep.
-Okay, great. You know what?
You take this fucking bag of fucking hops.
I'll get the rest of this shit.
Just stay the fuck away from me till
we leave! Fuck!
You carry your own oats!
Soulmates.
-Wow.
-[Julian chuckles]
[Mr. Lahey] Where'd George put
the drone thing, Randy?
[Randy] You don't need
the drone, Mr. Lahey.
I still can't believe
you let him move in here.
Well, George is right, Randy.
The boys are up to something.
You've got to stop this, Mr. Lahey.
You're gonna get pulled right back
into the shit abyss.
I'm not gonna get sucked back
into the shit abyss, Randy!
Look, there's something going on,
and that's re...
Guess what?
Today, there was a shady-looking guy
driving around the park
looking for Julian,
wanting to buy some fucking beer, Randy.
Is that not shit abyss-y
enough for you?
Geez, Mr. Lahey, maybe
he was just trying to buy some more beer.
-Did you ever think of that?
-[mocking laughter]
George is getting you all worked up.
Those boys have been keeping
their noses clean.
Th... Those boys have
had shit-encrusted noses
ever since they were this high to
a shit-erpillar, Randy.
And what about the fucking gunfight?
What about that, huh?
-They were protecting themselves.
-Randy,
what are you trying to tell me?
I think we should bury
the hatchet, Mr. Lahey.
-What?
-And maybe try to work with those guys.
Work with them?
Are you nuts?
Well, being part of a beer company
might be fun.
And plus, it's better for Sunnyvale
if everyone just gets along.
Randy, I don't know.
Mr. Lahey, please,
just come and talk to Bubbles with me
and see what he's got to say.
I don't like seeing you like this.
What the fuck?
Get out of here, shit bag!
I've got a few of
my new parts installed
and now this baby's going
to the next fucking level.
I mean, the cold filtering process
is just gonna be unbelievable.
At this point, I mean,
if I was lighting off a Saturn 5 rocket,
I'd be on the horn with
Mission Control right now:
"She's good to go, baby!
Light the fucking fuse."
[giggling]
[Randy] Hey, Bubbles.
Hey, Randy.
Mr. Lahey.
What do you guys want?
Got a question for you.
I'm gonna get straight to the point,
no beating around the bush.
Okay. Well,
by saying that, Randy,
you're actually
beating around the bush.
[chuckle]
Okay, here it goes.
Is this beer business
that you've got going
with Julian and Ricky legit?
Is it legit?
Okay, Randy, you tell me.
Here, look.
-You tell me...
-[bottle hissing]
if I'd be put my heart
and soul into that
if it wasn't fucking legit.
Drive that into your guts.
Yeah, there you go.
Crank that into your shit tank.
-Tell me it's not legit.
-[loud burp]
Holy frig, that's amazing!
Try it, Mr. Lahey.
That's fucking 100% my recipe
with the boys,
and that is heart and soul, Randy.
It's good, isn't it, Mr. Lahey?
Peasantly supplising.
That's an...
extremely good beer, Bubbles.
Oh, I know it is.
Can we buy a couple cases off you?
Well, if you got money, Randy,
I'll take your fucking
money all day, baby.
I've got no change, though.
Two cases right there,
just bottled.
-[Randy] Awesome.
-So is that all you wanted?
Come down here and snoop around,
see if I'm breaking the law?
No. We wanted to come down here
and bury the hatchet
once and for all
-and have a fresh start with you guys.
-[Lahey] Right.
Well, that would be, actually,
really cool, Randy,
if I believed you,
but I don't.
We want everyone working together
for the betterment of
Sunnyvale, as a team.
Well, I've always been for
the fucking betterment of Sunnyvale,
Randy, you know that.
[Mr. Lahey] That's true.
Okay well, if you're gonna do this
big beer deal with Big Hawk,
I was thinking that
you're probably gonna need...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, R...
-No, let me finish, Mr. Lahey.
-Big Hawk?
-You're gonna need more space,
and that's something that Mr. Lahey and I
could easily arrange through Barb.
Just wait, just pump the fucking
brakes there, Randy.
What are you talking about,
deal with Big Hawk?
Bubbles didn't know anything about it.
-I was just about to tell you, Bubs.
-Tell me what?
Well, I, I bumped into
Big Cock this morning
and he wanted me to tell you guys
that he would like to
order 200 cases of beer.
-What?
-[Mr. Lahey] Yeah!
200 cases?!
Yeah, yeah...
-Holy fuck!
-This might be the perfect time
for us partner up with some good,
honest help, Bubbles.
-Partner up? Who partner up?
-Put 'er up there.
Look, I got a contract here, too, Bubs,
-if you're interested.
-A contr... For who? What?
-This is...
-No, just... Shields up! Shields up!
Something's not fucking right here!
-What's wrong?
-What do you mean, what's wrong?
You're down here talking about
the betterment of Sunnyvale
and there's a secret deal
with Big Hawk going on...
I don't fucking think so.
Shields up!
Off my property!
Fucking beat it right now,
both of yous.
-Come on, Randy, get going.
-[smack]
Randy, get the beer!
[frustrated sigh]
[Bubbles] I don't trust you, Lahey.
You're up to something,
and I fucking know it.
Yeah, that's it, skittle away.
Skittle away, bud.
[exhaling]
Now, what I was saying before
about the cold filtering...
process... No, you know what?
I can't do this right now,
I'm too ranged up.
I'll tell you guys about it later.
-I just need to take a fucking minute.
-[clattering]
See? Look,
crashing into things,
which I normally wouldn't do
if I wasn't all jinkity-janked!
I don't know how Big Hawk
and Lahey got together
to flush this one out,
but this is fucking huge.
-This is huge.
-[phone ringing]
All right, fine,
I'll fucking listen!
Okay, good!
Can you stop talking?
'Cause you can't listen and talk
at the same time unless you're a wizard!
[Julian] Surprise, surprise.
Look at them,
still fighting in the parking lot.
[cellphone buzzing]
-What's up, Bubs?
-Hey, Julian, big fucking news.
[Julian] Just a sec,
I've got to put you on speakerphone.
- What's up, man?
-Uh, we might have a deal
for 200 fucking cases,
that's what's up.
No fucking way!
Are you kidding me?
[Bubbles] Yes, sir. You've got to
get back here right away.
We've got to deal with this.
[Julian] Okay. We're gonna
grab a quick bite.
- We'll be back in a bit.
-Not a bit.
You've got to come now.
I've got to know if this is real!
Bubs, calm down.
Just give Big Hawk a call,
fucking ask him
if the deal's for real, man.
[heavy sigh]
Well, what if he starts questioning me,
asking me about numbers and stuff?
I don't want to look stupid.
Tell him I'll call later and
work out the details, okay?
I've got to go, all right?
See you, man. Bye-bye.
Sweet!
-Holy fuck!
-Shit!
You're like my good luck charm.
-Thanks, baby.
-All right, let's go.
-Okay.
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
-Fucking awesome!
[giggling softly]
This could be big, fellas.
-Cross your paws.
-[kitten mewing]
[nervous giggle]
[Candy] Oh, here they come.
-Hey.
-[Susan] Hey.
Is everything okay?
-Yeah. Everything's great.
-Yeah!
So good.
Hey, would you mind, uh,
getting your own table,
'cause I have something
I want to talk to Julian about
and it's kind of important?
Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen.
-[Susan mouthing silently]
-Pardon?
I know what you're going to
talk about, no way
I'm leaving my best friend alone.
Just do it in front of me.
I don't give a fuck.
-Thank you.
-What are you talking...
What the hell is he talking about?
I...
Thanks. What the fuck is...
Can I get a couple draft,
and a vodka cran?
-A vodka cran for her.
-Rum and coke, please.
[Candy] Water's fine.
Thanks.
Oh, look at us.
We're so fucking happy.
Don't be so jealous.
I think it's sweet.
How do you guys
get along so well with each other?
Um, I think it's open communication
and being 100% honest
with each other.
[giggling]
That's weird, 'cause...
me and Ricky are totally honest
with each other,
yet we fight constantly.
Right, baby?
[awkward laugh]
Y... Yeah.
Why are you being so spazzy?
-I just don't know what... to order.
-What's wrong with your fucking eyes?
I'm just...
There's so much stuff on here.
You've never lied to me, have you?
Well, is not telling you something
the same as lying? It's not, right?
Are there things you haven't told me?
Well, yeah. There is...
some things I haven't told you,
but not because I was trying to lie.
I know you'll go fucking nuts.
And what things haven't you told me
because I will go fucking nuts?
Promise me you won't go nuts,
and I'll tell you.
Okay, I promise.
You know what?
It's not a big deal,
because we were broken up anyway
but...
I want to tell you this.
I hooked up with someone.
-Oh, is that it?
-Yeah.
You thought I'd go fucking nuts over that?
That's no big deal.
-Okay, good.
-I hooked up with some people, too.
Who?
It doesn't matter, does it?
Actually, know what?
It totally doesn't matter.
Were they, uh...
-were they bigger than me, though...
-Oh, my God, Ricky. Seriously?
It's not like I'm going to ask
if she had nicer tits than me.
-Did she have nicer tits than me?
-Not really.
You know I'm an ass man, anyway, so...
-Oh, so she had a nicer ass than me?
-Oh, my fuck, Susan.
-I didn't fucking say that.
-Who was she?
I thought it didn't matter!
Actually, it doesn't.
-Good. Great.
-As long as it wasn't that bitch, Sarah.
Oh, my fucking fuck!
You fucked Sarah?
Fuck you!
You said you weren't
gonna go fucking nuts
and here you are going
fucking nuts again, Susan!
And you know what?
We didn't even fuck!
It was just a little bit of oral,
for fuck's sakes!
Get the fuck back!
What the fuck is going...? Fuck!
[Julian clearing throat]
Well, I think I'm gonna
have the chicken balls.
-Combo one.
-[Ricky] ...one fucking night!
-We were drunk!
-[Susan] Oral? That makes it better?
[Ricky] It's better than fucking,
actually, right in...
[Susan] ...what?
[Randy] Holy frig, this beer's good.
Damn good!
Then you had to go fucking open
your big fucking mouth, Randy!
How was I supposed to know what to say
and what not to say?
Look, we should have waited
till they agreed to have us on board.
By then, we could have taken them
with a big fucking deal, Randy,
and then all trust issues
would have been fucking eliminated!
Well, that could still
happen, Mr. Lahey.
You fucked her, bud.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go down to
beer bottle Bubble bullshit brewery
and shut the whole fucking thing down!
-[chair clattering]
-Mr. Lahey!
Mr. Lahey.
That's not you, all right?
That's the old Mr. Lahey.
Here, have a seat.
All right? You're not
that person anymore.
Think about it, Mr. Lahey.
Things have been pretty
good around here lately.
-No bullshit!
-[grunt]
You know what?
Suck my cock, Ricky!
-Suck it dry!
-That's fucking nice talk.
[Candy] Did she just tell him
to suck her cock?
-Yeah. She says that all the time.
-Wow.
She doesn't have one, though,
does she?
I don't think so,
but I'm beginning to think she might.
[sighing] Fuck...
Oh, wow.
I didn't expect that to happen.
Most fucked up couple
on the planet.
The guys have started
an honest business
and they're doing
pretty frigging good at it!
Eh, it's lipstick on a shit pig, Randy!
Mr. Lahey,
let's just leave them alone, okay?
And enjoy each other,
alone, no one else.
[George] Oh, there's nothing better than
a day near the beach with a drone.
You should see the footage.
I even got some nice Speedo shots
of these French fellas for you guys.
What, uh,
what are you guys doing here?
Having a little party without me?
What's the occasion?
We're just trying to have
some alone time here, George.
Freedom 35?
That's smooth.
Yeah.
The three shit-keteers
have started their own...
beer bottling brewery.
Randy and I went down,
tried to get involved,
but Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu-Bubbles
shut the fuck down us-us.
Hm. Surveillance from the inside.
That's brilliant, Jim.
We're not doing surveillance from
the inside, George!
Look, they've started a legit business
-and we would like to be involved with it.
-[groaning]
Build something for the park,
for the future.
-[Mr. Lahey] Right.
-Everyone working together on one team.
-[Mr. Lahey] Yeah.
-He's not serious, is he, Jim?
Legit?
You think they're just selling beer
down there?
Give me a fucking break.
Well, I've got no reason to believe
there's anything more.
That's why you're an assistant
trailer park supervisor.
And Jim and I,
we're police officers, Randy.
Well, you're not anymore!
And you're my assistant now,
George!
-Randy!
-You're siding with him?
I'm not siding with anybody,
Randy!
Look... Look reality
in the bum cheeks, Randy!
Think about it for a second.
Why wouldn't Bubbles want us to
get involved in his business?
Because you're a drunk,
Mr. Lahey!
[Randy] Frig's sakes.
Frig off, George.
-You want to get involved, Jim?
-[door slamming]
We can very easily make that happen.
Well, what have you
got in mind, Georgie?
I got a few ideas,
if you're ready to listen.
So how do you think
our relationship's going?
Hm, I think it's going great.
But, you know,
if you don't feel the same way
as me...
that's fine, I get it.
I totally get it, Candy.
Julian, what...
Get what? Get what?
You know, look at you.
You're... beautiful,
you're successful, smart.
And... look at me. I'm...
I'm a loser compared to you.
-Julian...
-No, you've got smart friends.
You might not want to
bring me around them.
I totally get it.
I understand.
What are you talking about?
Understand what?
-All right. I was talking to Ricky.
-Baby...
-I was talking to Ricky, he said...
-Oh, God...
...you were probably gonna
dump me during lunch.
-[scoffing]
-You know...
I'm just paranoid.
-Julian...
-I don't know what to think.
And you're gonna
listen to that guy?
-[indistinct yelling outside]
-[sigh]
Julian, look...
[sigh, clearing throat]
I didn't bring you here
to break up with you.
I brought you here...
[deep breath]
to ask you to marry me.
-What?
-[laughs]
Yes.
[clearing throat]
Julian,
will you marry me?
-Are you fucking serious?
-Yes!
Look, I don't want to
lose you again, baby.
What do you say?
[chuckle, stammering]
Yes! Of course I do!
-Yay!
-[loud smacking]
-Fuck, I love you.
-I love you, too.
I'm getting married, man.
-[applause]
-Yeah, right on.
Thank you.
-Cheers, baby.
-[giggling] Cheers, baby.
You are fucking something else.
Wow.
[exhaling]
Well, that's the operation in a nutshell.
I'm confident I can deliver.
Oh, that is something good.
Now, consistency is key.
You keep it consistent
and it'll continue to sell.
What more can I tell you?
You've got a good thing going here,
real good.
Well, you don't have to worry
about a thing, Big Hawk.
Look, my middle
name's consistency.
That's what people around here call me,
Bubbles Consistency!
[laughter]
Look, I'm very, very happy to be
doing business with you, Big Hawk.
[clearing throat]
Look, if things go good,
I might even let you
start calling me just...
The Hawk.
Oh, that would be awesome.
-That would be awesome.
-[chuckling]
-Big Hawk's out.
-All right.
[quietly] Oh, yes!
Yes! Did you guys fucking see that?
Holy fuck!
[buttons clicking]
Come on Julian, pick up.
Pick up.
Julian, call me back right away!
Holy fuck, the deal's real,
and it's done, baby!
You should have saw me fucking
-wheeling dealing with Big Hawk.
-[man] Sir.
-It was unbeliev...
-Sir.
Just hang on.
I'll call you back.
-Is your name Bubbles?
-What's that?
Is your name Bubbles?
Uh, it might be.
Who's asking?
Ryan Duggins,
I work for the city.
You're hereby ordered to
cease productions and operations
immediately, sir.
What?!
What are you talking about?
That's a fucking legitimate business.
That's registered business.
It's 100% legit.
-I'll get my registration papers!
-Sir... it's not necessary.
We're aware of the registration.
It's not a registration issue.
I'm actually kind of not sure how this
business was registered to start with.
This is a zoning issue.
Sunnyvale Trailer Park
is not commercially zoned.
Well, that's not
my fucking problem, is it?
-I did what I was supposed to do.
-[Duggins] Listen, sir,
we're gonna be checking up on you
quite regularly.
[stapler clicking]
This is a... pretty elaborate set-up.
I'm surprised we just had one complaint.
Oh, a fucking notice?
One complaint you had, eh?
Yeah, I fucking wonder who that was!
[sobbing]
[clattering]
Fucking dirty son of a whore!
-[sobbing]
-[Randy] Bubbles...
You couldn't fucking
leave well enough alone!
You had to come fuck everything up
on me, didn't you?
I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.
Oh, yeah, you don't know what
I'm talking about!
You called the fucking city
and had my whole business shut down!
You miserable prick!
-It wasn't me, Bubbles.
-Oh, yeah.
-It wasn't fucking...
-[George] Who were you talking to Bubbles?
I don't know, some lizard-y looking
little fuck!
-Hoggins or Doggins or something!
-Oh...
Ryan "Do Anybody" Duggins.
Yeah, I know him well.
Oh, big surprise.
You know the fucking big mean guy
from the city.
Listen, I can help you out.
It'll just take a call.
Oh yeah, you'd do that for me,
would you, George?
You're gonna make a call and
fucking make everything better?
-Yeah, I will.
-[whimpering]
-But it'll cost you.
-Yeah? What's it gonna cost me?
Well, the only way I see the city
going for it is, uh,
if our names are attached to it.
-Mine and Jim's.
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah?
-[Randy] Mr. Lahey!
[mocking tone] Randy!
You think that's fucking fair, do you?
You just fucking come in
and take part of my fucking heart
and soul for doing fucking nothing?
-I don't fucking think so, baby!
-[clattering]
-[whimpering]
-Bubbles...
That's bullshit.
That's bullshit.
I am willing to make
all your dreams happen
for just a small crumb of the pie.
I promise I'm going to steer
the old shit ship straight, Bubbles.
-No fucking bullshit!
-Oh, yeah.
-All you have to do is just team up...
-Look, it would be a shame...
-We can make your fucking business...
-[overlapping conversation]
I've got hundreds of
contacts from my days...
[Randy yelling]
Would you guys just leave him alone?
Get your fucking greasy hands off me,
you fucking humpback shit whale!
You want to fucking go?
-I'll go with you!
-Let's fucking go!
I'll take the pants off right now!
Come on, right fucking now!
Let's go!
I'm not signing anything!
Everybody just shut the fuck up!
[moaning, panting]
These are your options, Bubbles.
-Take it or leave it.
-[panting]
[whimper]
Yeah, you know what?
You know what... George?
I'd rather have no fucking business
and still have my fucking friends
than team up with you fucking shit balls.
Fucking assholes!
[slap]
There, Randy,
I knocked your burger.
Here, sorry, here.
Have another one.
-I'm sorry about that.
-[slap]
Bubbles!
Frig off!
Friggin' perfectly good burgers...
You sure you won't consider, Bubbles?
Jim, we'll work on it.
[Bubbles] Hey, Big Hawk?
Hey, it's Bubbles here.
Listen, I... got some bad news.
I know I told you my
middle name was Consistency.
I should have told you my middle name's
The Big Fucking Letdown Guy.
I got shut down by the city.
I'm not gonna be able
to deliver that beer.
I'm sorry, bud.
The Hawk.
[whimper]
[Julian] Bubs! Get over here, man,
I got some good news.
Yeah, well we've got to have
a business meeting, Julian.
No, we're getting drunk tonight and
celebrating, buddy.
No, I don't think so.
-Business meeting.
-Just hang on for a minute.
Fuckbrains got engaged.
Ricky, what the fuck are you doing?
I wanted to tell him myself, man.
What? Engaged?
What do you mean en...
Like to get married?
-Yes!
-We're getting married, man.
Oh, my fuck. Well...
Congratulations.
A little bit sudden, don't you think?
Well, sudden's one word,
fucked is another one.
I don't think it's fucked,
I think it's romantic.
-Yeah, romantic.
-You know what's not romantic?
The thought of you banging Sarah
going around and 'round in my head.
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!
You've just got to keep bringing this up
fucking constantly?
You just told me about it an hour ago!
And yeah, maybe I am!
You know?
I... I thought I could deal with it.
I don't think I can.
What the fuck
am I supposed to do?
If you can't fucking get over it,
maybe we should move on.
Yeah, but I want to be with you, Ricky.
I love your dumb ass, you fucking idiot.
Maybe... maybe if you
committed to me,
I could get rid of these images of
-her blowing you...
-Oh, my God...
...and you mowing down
on her dirty red box.
What the fuck are you saying?
If I commit to you,
and we get married,
engaged and shit,
that you can finally forget
about this shit?
-Yeah, maybe I am.
-Oh, my fucking God!
-That's all it's going to take, is it?
-Yeah.
Fine.
-Will you for to be fucking married to me?
-[Bubbles] Ricky!
Yeah.
Yeah, I fucking will.
[Ricky] Well, great then,
I guess we're fucking getting
married then, aren't we?
-Yeah, I guess we fucking are.
-All right.
-This is gonna be something, isn't it?
-Yeah.
-Bottle kids!
-[kids screaming]
[glass shattering]
[Bubbles] Get going,
you little bastards!
What was that?
-So are we really doing this?
-Yeah!
[panting]
[Bubbles] Rick...
Let's get in the trailer.
-I love you.
-[whispering] I love you.
-Did that really just fucking happen?
-Un-fucking-believable, isn't it?
-Baby...
-Yes, it is!
-Let's go make this official. Come on.
-All right, okay. Just...
-just give me one second.
-Okay.
Fuck. So what did you want to
talk about, buddy?
[sigh]
Nothing, Julian. Just go.
-Are you sure...
-Just go. We'll talk later.
-Yes.
-All right. Okay. You sure, buddy?
I mean best man?
-[whimper]
-Huh?
Fuck, man, I thought you'd be happier.
I'm happy, Julian.
-Deedle deedle, congratulations.
-Okay. You sure?
Yes.
-See you in the morning, man.
-Yeah, you just go.
I'll deal with everything.
[voice trembling]
You guys just go enjoy
your engagement banging.
[sigh, whining]
[theme music]
[seagulls squawking]
[fish]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...
Fuck off! Jesus Christ!
[whisper]
Fuck.
-[light clicks off]
-Fuck off.
Box number 2, boys.
Ah, yes!
Decent!
That's even nicer than
I thought it would be.
There's nothing better
than unboxing brand-new shit.
You know it's gonna make you
a lot more money.
[Ricky] You're fucking starting
to sound like Julian.
Eat my ass, Ricky. Making money
is what business is all about.
I'm not just doing this
for the fun of it.
Well, we're doing it
for the fun of it too, Julian.
Think about it.
Working with my two best buddies,
everything legit,
on the up-and-up,
beer's amazing.
[giggle]
I'm telling you, boys,
if we can just keep doing this
the way we're doing it,
we're gonna be
fucking unstoppable!
-Yeah!
-Unstop... Ricky!
All right. You okay to hold down the fort
while we get supplies?
-Yeah, of course, I am.
-Where's the list then, bud?
Uh... just wait.
Where is the fucking list?
Right there. Get exactly
the things I want. Don't...
try to get, you know,
fancy with it.
All right. No problem.
Guys, I want to tell you
how proud I am of you two.
I just wish we had've gotten
our shit together, like, 20 years ago.
-Mmm.
-Yeah. This is cool.
-Yeah, me too.
-No shit.
Who's the one that's been saying,
-"Get your shit together"?
-[coughing]
Ricky...
-Rick...
-[spitting]
-Rick, just...
-Don't be spitting on my fucking floor!
-Sorry, man.
-Clean that up.
Forgot we were fucking inside.
Your place looks fucked.
[Bubbles] Ricky, you know...
big fucking loogs like that,
your body's trying to tell you
to chill out. You know that, right?
I know, but my brains are
telling me to smoke more,
-They're the ones that make the talk.
-[horn honking]
Oh, let's go. Come on.
What the fuck is going on here?
Candy took the day off work,
she's gonna come get supplies with us,
then, she's fucking taking me out
for lunch to talk to me about something.
[Ricky] Oh, fuck. Sorry, man.
She's fucking breaking up with you.
-What do you mean?
-Think about it.
She needs to talk to you, lunch,
that's break-up shit.
Was just a matter of time anyway,
I guess.
You think so?
Well, look at her.
She's a good-looking chick,
rich and smart.
Look at you. You're fucked-looking,
just a muscle dummy.
And you're dumb, broke,
and you're a criminal.
Not anymore, man,
I'm getting my shit together. Come on.
Oh, great. We'll see.
This is gonna be a real good time.
Can't fucking smoke dope
in the car now, Julian.
Just get in the fucking car.
Fuck's sake.
-Hey, baby.
-[sweetly] Hi!
-How you doing?
-Nice shirt. Good.
-Right on.
-Handsome.
-[vehicle approaching]
-[Ricky] What the fuck does she want?
-[tires grinding on gravel]
-[Ricky] Jesus Christ!
[Julian] Ricky, ignore her.
Don't even fucking talk to her.
I should at least see
what she fucking wants.
-Get in the fucking car.
-[car door opening, closing]
That's a little fucking close.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Well, to be honest, Ricky,
I can't stop fucking thinking about you.
And I'm not happy about it.
Oh, really? Well, if we're being honest,
I can't stop fucking
thinking about you either.
It is driving me fucking nuts!
It's making me insane!
Oh-h-h-h-h-h! Poor baby!
How do you think I feel?
You think I like not being able to
stop thinking about a fucking loser?
Think I like not being able to stop
thinking about a fucking bitchy asshole
who keeps yelling at me, treats me like
fucking shit? That's awesome!
-[Susan] What are we gonna do about it?
-I don't know.
We're not getting back together.
Are we?
I don't know, maybe we are.
Oh, you want to get back together?
-Yeah, maybe I fucking do!
- Well, let's fucking do it then...
Oh, ho, ho! Great news!
-That'll be a great fucking time!
-Great fucking news, Rick!
Once again, Susan gets her way
and we get back together, right?
-Goddamn fucking right I do.
-All right. Perfect.
We're fucking back together then.
[Candy chuckling]
[Candy laughing]
-[Julian] They're so fucked.
-[laughing]
[theme music]
-[Mr. Lahey] For fuck's sakes!
-[clattering]
[muttering]
...fuck...
Fuck...
-[Mr. Lahey] How you doing?
-[man] Uh, good?
Jim Lahey, supervisor.
I just noticed you driving around here
three or four times.
Anything I can do to help you?
Yeah, I'm looking for Julian.
-Julian?
-Mm.
Oh, you just missed him.
-Oh...
-Yeah, he just left.
Uh, don't know when he'll be back.
Sometimes he's gone
for three or four days.
-Oh... well, that sucks shit.
-Yeah.
-Days, huh?
-Yeah.
Listen uh...
I'm a good friend of his.
Uh, anything I can do to help you?
Well, I bought a bunch of beer from him
and it sold out real quick.
Now I've got a big event coming up
and I want 200 cases of the stuff.
200 cases?
-Yeah.
-Oh, geez!
Well, I'll be sure
to let him know then.
Oh, well, groovy.
Just tell him to call Big Hawk.
Yeah well, I'll have to take...
take your word for it...
[chuckling]
Mr. Big Cock.
[Julian] We should get supplies
all the time, you know?
All right.
This wine stinks, though.
How do people drink wine?
It doesn't stink. It's good.
-Is it?
-Yes. Makes you do crazy shit.
I'm gonna have to
try some wine then.
What the fuck is she doing,
stringing him along?
-Ridiculous.
-Baby, you're so suspicious.
[sighing]
Sorry, babe.
All right, one of these right here.
Why don't you use the organic kind?
Well, this is the one on the list and, uh,
that's almost twice the money.
-So we'll get this one, I guess.
-Yeah, but...
the organic kind is grown without GMOs
and disgusting spider DNA.
-Well...
-You can sell the beer for more.
I get it, but I don't know anything
about spiders and shit,
and Bubbles said to get this one,
and Bubbles is the beer
expert, right? Not you.
So we'll get this one.
I never said I was a fucking beer expert.
And God forbid you
use your fucking brain for once.
I don't need to use my brain,
because we have a list.
So why would I use my fucking brain
if I don't have to?
That might be the dumbest thing
anybody has ever said
-in the history of the world, Ricky.
-Actually, it's not.
It's not even the fucking dumbest thing
I've said today. So wrong again, Susan!
Jesus fucking Christ,
here we fucking go again, aren't we?
-Yep. Yep.
-Okay, great. You know what?
You take this fucking bag of fucking hops.
I'll get the rest of this shit.
Just stay the fuck away from me till
we leave! Fuck!
You carry your own oats!
Soulmates.
-Wow.
-[Julian chuckles]
[Mr. Lahey] Where'd George put
the drone thing, Randy?
[Randy] You don't need
the drone, Mr. Lahey.
I still can't believe
you let him move in here.
Well, George is right, Randy.
The boys are up to something.
You've got to stop this, Mr. Lahey.
You're gonna get pulled right back
into the shit abyss.
I'm not gonna get sucked back
into the shit abyss, Randy!
Look, there's something going on,
and that's re...
Guess what?
Today, there was a shady-looking guy
driving around the park
looking for Julian,
wanting to buy some fucking beer, Randy.
Is that not shit abyss-y
enough for you?
Geez, Mr. Lahey, maybe
he was just trying to buy some more beer.
-Did you ever think of that?
-[mocking laughter]
George is getting you all worked up.
Those boys have been keeping
their noses clean.
Th... Those boys have
had shit-encrusted noses
ever since they were this high to
a shit-erpillar, Randy.
And what about the fucking gunfight?
What about that, huh?
-They were protecting themselves.
-Randy,
what are you trying to tell me?
I think we should bury
the hatchet, Mr. Lahey.
-What?
-And maybe try to work with those guys.
Work with them?
Are you nuts?
Well, being part of a beer company
might be fun.
And plus, it's better for Sunnyvale
if everyone just gets along.
Randy, I don't know.
Mr. Lahey, please,
just come and talk to Bubbles with me
and see what he's got to say.
I don't like seeing you like this.
What the fuck?
Get out of here, shit bag!
I've got a few of
my new parts installed
and now this baby's going
to the next fucking level.
I mean, the cold filtering process
is just gonna be unbelievable.
At this point, I mean,
if I was lighting off a Saturn 5 rocket,
I'd be on the horn with
Mission Control right now:
"She's good to go, baby!
Light the fucking fuse."
[giggling]
[Randy] Hey, Bubbles.
Hey, Randy.
Mr. Lahey.
What do you guys want?
Got a question for you.
I'm gonna get straight to the point,
no beating around the bush.
Okay. Well,
by saying that, Randy,
you're actually
beating around the bush.
[chuckle]
Okay, here it goes.
Is this beer business
that you've got going
with Julian and Ricky legit?
Is it legit?
Okay, Randy, you tell me.
Here, look.
-You tell me...
-[bottle hissing]
if I'd be put my heart
and soul into that
if it wasn't fucking legit.
Drive that into your guts.
Yeah, there you go.
Crank that into your shit tank.
-Tell me it's not legit.
-[loud burp]
Holy frig, that's amazing!
Try it, Mr. Lahey.
That's fucking 100% my recipe
with the boys,
and that is heart and soul, Randy.
It's good, isn't it, Mr. Lahey?
Peasantly supplising.
That's an...
extremely good beer, Bubbles.
Oh, I know it is.
Can we buy a couple cases off you?
Well, if you got money, Randy,
I'll take your fucking
money all day, baby.
I've got no change, though.
Two cases right there,
just bottled.
-[Randy] Awesome.
-So is that all you wanted?
Come down here and snoop around,
see if I'm breaking the law?
No. We wanted to come down here
and bury the hatchet
once and for all
-and have a fresh start with you guys.
-[Lahey] Right.
Well, that would be, actually,
really cool, Randy,
if I believed you,
but I don't.
We want everyone working together
for the betterment of
Sunnyvale, as a team.
Well, I've always been for
the fucking betterment of Sunnyvale,
Randy, you know that.
[Mr. Lahey] That's true.
Okay well, if you're gonna do this
big beer deal with Big Hawk,
I was thinking that
you're probably gonna need...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, R...
-No, let me finish, Mr. Lahey.
-Big Hawk?
-You're gonna need more space,
and that's something that Mr. Lahey and I
could easily arrange through Barb.
Just wait, just pump the fucking
brakes there, Randy.
What are you talking about,
deal with Big Hawk?
Bubbles didn't know anything about it.
-I was just about to tell you, Bubs.
-Tell me what?
Well, I, I bumped into
Big Cock this morning
and he wanted me to tell you guys
that he would like to
order 200 cases of beer.
-What?
-[Mr. Lahey] Yeah!
200 cases?!
Yeah, yeah...
-Holy fuck!
-This might be the perfect time
for us partner up with some good,
honest help, Bubbles.
-Partner up? Who partner up?
-Put 'er up there.
Look, I got a contract here, too, Bubs,
-if you're interested.
-A contr... For who? What?
-This is...
-No, just... Shields up! Shields up!
Something's not fucking right here!
-What's wrong?
-What do you mean, what's wrong?
You're down here talking about
the betterment of Sunnyvale
and there's a secret deal
with Big Hawk going on...
I don't fucking think so.
Shields up!
Off my property!
Fucking beat it right now,
both of yous.
-Come on, Randy, get going.
-[smack]
Randy, get the beer!
[frustrated sigh]
[Bubbles] I don't trust you, Lahey.
You're up to something,
and I fucking know it.
Yeah, that's it, skittle away.
Skittle away, bud.
[exhaling]
Now, what I was saying before
about the cold filtering...
process... No, you know what?
I can't do this right now,
I'm too ranged up.
I'll tell you guys about it later.
-I just need to take a fucking minute.
-[clattering]
See? Look,
crashing into things,
which I normally wouldn't do
if I wasn't all jinkity-janked!
I don't know how Big Hawk
and Lahey got together
to flush this one out,
but this is fucking huge.
-This is huge.
-[phone ringing]
All right, fine,
I'll fucking listen!
Okay, good!
Can you stop talking?
'Cause you can't listen and talk
at the same time unless you're a wizard!
[Julian] Surprise, surprise.
Look at them,
still fighting in the parking lot.
[cellphone buzzing]
-What's up, Bubs?
-Hey, Julian, big fucking news.
[Julian] Just a sec,
I've got to put you on speakerphone.
- What's up, man?
-Uh, we might have a deal
for 200 fucking cases,
that's what's up.
No fucking way!
Are you kidding me?
[Bubbles] Yes, sir. You've got to
get back here right away.
We've got to deal with this.
[Julian] Okay. We're gonna
grab a quick bite.
- We'll be back in a bit.
-Not a bit.
You've got to come now.
I've got to know if this is real!
Bubs, calm down.
Just give Big Hawk a call,
fucking ask him
if the deal's for real, man.
[heavy sigh]
Well, what if he starts questioning me,
asking me about numbers and stuff?
I don't want to look stupid.
Tell him I'll call later and
work out the details, okay?
I've got to go, all right?
See you, man. Bye-bye.
Sweet!
-Holy fuck!
-Shit!
You're like my good luck charm.
-Thanks, baby.
-All right, let's go.
-Okay.
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
-Fucking awesome!
[giggling softly]
This could be big, fellas.
-Cross your paws.
-[kitten mewing]
[nervous giggle]
[Candy] Oh, here they come.
-Hey.
-[Susan] Hey.
Is everything okay?
-Yeah. Everything's great.
-Yeah!
So good.
Hey, would you mind, uh,
getting your own table,
'cause I have something
I want to talk to Julian about
and it's kind of important?
Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen.
-[Susan mouthing silently]
-Pardon?
I know what you're going to
talk about, no way
I'm leaving my best friend alone.
Just do it in front of me.
I don't give a fuck.
-Thank you.
-What are you talking...
What the hell is he talking about?
I...
Thanks. What the fuck is...
Can I get a couple draft,
and a vodka cran?
-A vodka cran for her.
-Rum and coke, please.
[Candy] Water's fine.
Thanks.
Oh, look at us.
We're so fucking happy.
Don't be so jealous.
I think it's sweet.
How do you guys
get along so well with each other?
Um, I think it's open communication
and being 100% honest
with each other.
[giggling]
That's weird, 'cause...
me and Ricky are totally honest
with each other,
yet we fight constantly.
Right, baby?
[awkward laugh]
Y... Yeah.
Why are you being so spazzy?
-I just don't know what... to order.
-What's wrong with your fucking eyes?
I'm just...
There's so much stuff on here.
You've never lied to me, have you?
Well, is not telling you something
the same as lying? It's not, right?
Are there things you haven't told me?
Well, yeah. There is...
some things I haven't told you,
but not because I was trying to lie.
I know you'll go fucking nuts.
And what things haven't you told me
because I will go fucking nuts?
Promise me you won't go nuts,
and I'll tell you.
Okay, I promise.
You know what?
It's not a big deal,
because we were broken up anyway
but...
I want to tell you this.
I hooked up with someone.
-Oh, is that it?
-Yeah.
You thought I'd go fucking nuts over that?
That's no big deal.
-Okay, good.
-I hooked up with some people, too.
Who?
It doesn't matter, does it?
Actually, know what?
It totally doesn't matter.
Were they, uh...
-were they bigger than me, though...
-Oh, my God, Ricky. Seriously?
It's not like I'm going to ask
if she had nicer tits than me.
-Did she have nicer tits than me?
-Not really.
You know I'm an ass man, anyway, so...
-Oh, so she had a nicer ass than me?
-Oh, my fuck, Susan.
-I didn't fucking say that.
-Who was she?
I thought it didn't matter!
Actually, it doesn't.
-Good. Great.
-As long as it wasn't that bitch, Sarah.
Oh, my fucking fuck!
You fucked Sarah?
Fuck you!
You said you weren't
gonna go fucking nuts
and here you are going
fucking nuts again, Susan!
And you know what?
We didn't even fuck!
It was just a little bit of oral,
for fuck's sakes!
Get the fuck back!
What the fuck is going...? Fuck!
[Julian clearing throat]
Well, I think I'm gonna
have the chicken balls.
-Combo one.
-[Ricky] ...one fucking night!
-We were drunk!
-[Susan] Oral? That makes it better?
[Ricky] It's better than fucking,
actually, right in...
[Susan] ...what?
[Randy] Holy frig, this beer's good.
Damn good!
Then you had to go fucking open
your big fucking mouth, Randy!
How was I supposed to know what to say
and what not to say?
Look, we should have waited
till they agreed to have us on board.
By then, we could have taken them
with a big fucking deal, Randy,
and then all trust issues
would have been fucking eliminated!
Well, that could still
happen, Mr. Lahey.
You fucked her, bud.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go down to
beer bottle Bubble bullshit brewery
and shut the whole fucking thing down!
-[chair clattering]
-Mr. Lahey!
Mr. Lahey.
That's not you, all right?
That's the old Mr. Lahey.
Here, have a seat.
All right? You're not
that person anymore.
Think about it, Mr. Lahey.
Things have been pretty
good around here lately.
-No bullshit!
-[grunt]
You know what?
Suck my cock, Ricky!
-Suck it dry!
-That's fucking nice talk.
[Candy] Did she just tell him
to suck her cock?
-Yeah. She says that all the time.
-Wow.
She doesn't have one, though,
does she?
I don't think so,
but I'm beginning to think she might.
[sighing] Fuck...
Oh, wow.
I didn't expect that to happen.
Most fucked up couple
on the planet.
The guys have started
an honest business
and they're doing
pretty frigging good at it!
Eh, it's lipstick on a shit pig, Randy!
Mr. Lahey,
let's just leave them alone, okay?
And enjoy each other,
alone, no one else.
[George] Oh, there's nothing better than
a day near the beach with a drone.
You should see the footage.
I even got some nice Speedo shots
of these French fellas for you guys.
What, uh,
what are you guys doing here?
Having a little party without me?
What's the occasion?
We're just trying to have
some alone time here, George.
Freedom 35?
That's smooth.
Yeah.
The three shit-keteers
have started their own...
beer bottling brewery.
Randy and I went down,
tried to get involved,
but Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu-Bubbles
shut the fuck down us-us.
Hm. Surveillance from the inside.
That's brilliant, Jim.
We're not doing surveillance from
the inside, George!
Look, they've started a legit business
-and we would like to be involved with it.
-[groaning]
Build something for the park,
for the future.
-[Mr. Lahey] Right.
-Everyone working together on one team.
-[Mr. Lahey] Yeah.
-He's not serious, is he, Jim?
Legit?
You think they're just selling beer
down there?
Give me a fucking break.
Well, I've got no reason to believe
there's anything more.
That's why you're an assistant
trailer park supervisor.
And Jim and I,
we're police officers, Randy.
Well, you're not anymore!
And you're my assistant now,
George!
-Randy!
-You're siding with him?
I'm not siding with anybody,
Randy!
Look... Look reality
in the bum cheeks, Randy!
Think about it for a second.
Why wouldn't Bubbles want us to
get involved in his business?
Because you're a drunk,
Mr. Lahey!
[Randy] Frig's sakes.
Frig off, George.
-You want to get involved, Jim?
-[door slamming]
We can very easily make that happen.
Well, what have you
got in mind, Georgie?
I got a few ideas,
if you're ready to listen.
So how do you think
our relationship's going?
Hm, I think it's going great.
But, you know,
if you don't feel the same way
as me...
that's fine, I get it.
I totally get it, Candy.
Julian, what...
Get what? Get what?
You know, look at you.
You're... beautiful,
you're successful, smart.
And... look at me. I'm...
I'm a loser compared to you.
-Julian...
-No, you've got smart friends.
You might not want to
bring me around them.
I totally get it.
I understand.
What are you talking about?
Understand what?
-All right. I was talking to Ricky.
-Baby...
-I was talking to Ricky, he said...
-Oh, God...
...you were probably gonna
dump me during lunch.
-[scoffing]
-You know...
I'm just paranoid.
-Julian...
-I don't know what to think.
And you're gonna
listen to that guy?
-[indistinct yelling outside]
-[sigh]
Julian, look...
[sigh, clearing throat]
I didn't bring you here
to break up with you.
I brought you here...
[deep breath]
to ask you to marry me.
-What?
-[laughs]
Yes.
[clearing throat]
Julian,
will you marry me?
-Are you fucking serious?
-Yes!
Look, I don't want to
lose you again, baby.
What do you say?
[chuckle, stammering]
Yes! Of course I do!
-Yay!
-[loud smacking]
-Fuck, I love you.
-I love you, too.
I'm getting married, man.
-[applause]
-Yeah, right on.
Thank you.
-Cheers, baby.
-[giggling] Cheers, baby.
You are fucking something else.
Wow.
[exhaling]
Well, that's the operation in a nutshell.
I'm confident I can deliver.
Oh, that is something good.
Now, consistency is key.
You keep it consistent
and it'll continue to sell.
What more can I tell you?
You've got a good thing going here,
real good.
Well, you don't have to worry
about a thing, Big Hawk.
Look, my middle
name's consistency.
That's what people around here call me,
Bubbles Consistency!
[laughter]
Look, I'm very, very happy to be
doing business with you, Big Hawk.
[clearing throat]
Look, if things go good,
I might even let you
start calling me just...
The Hawk.
Oh, that would be awesome.
-That would be awesome.
-[chuckling]
-Big Hawk's out.
-All right.
[quietly] Oh, yes!
Yes! Did you guys fucking see that?
Holy fuck!
[buttons clicking]
Come on Julian, pick up.
Pick up.
Julian, call me back right away!
Holy fuck, the deal's real,
and it's done, baby!
You should have saw me fucking
-wheeling dealing with Big Hawk.
-[man] Sir.
-It was unbeliev...
-Sir.
Just hang on.
I'll call you back.
-Is your name Bubbles?
-What's that?
Is your name Bubbles?
Uh, it might be.
Who's asking?
Ryan Duggins,
I work for the city.
You're hereby ordered to
cease productions and operations
immediately, sir.
What?!
What are you talking about?
That's a fucking legitimate business.
That's registered business.
It's 100% legit.
-I'll get my registration papers!
-Sir... it's not necessary.
We're aware of the registration.
It's not a registration issue.
I'm actually kind of not sure how this
business was registered to start with.
This is a zoning issue.
Sunnyvale Trailer Park
is not commercially zoned.
Well, that's not
my fucking problem, is it?
-I did what I was supposed to do.
-[Duggins] Listen, sir,
we're gonna be checking up on you
quite regularly.
[stapler clicking]
This is a... pretty elaborate set-up.
I'm surprised we just had one complaint.
Oh, a fucking notice?
One complaint you had, eh?
Yeah, I fucking wonder who that was!
[sobbing]
[clattering]
Fucking dirty son of a whore!
-[sobbing]
-[Randy] Bubbles...
You couldn't fucking
leave well enough alone!
You had to come fuck everything up
on me, didn't you?
I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.
Oh, yeah, you don't know what
I'm talking about!
You called the fucking city
and had my whole business shut down!
You miserable prick!
-It wasn't me, Bubbles.
-Oh, yeah.
-It wasn't fucking...
-[George] Who were you talking to Bubbles?
I don't know, some lizard-y looking
little fuck!
-Hoggins or Doggins or something!
-Oh...
Ryan "Do Anybody" Duggins.
Yeah, I know him well.
Oh, big surprise.
You know the fucking big mean guy
from the city.
Listen, I can help you out.
It'll just take a call.
Oh yeah, you'd do that for me,
would you, George?
You're gonna make a call and
fucking make everything better?
-Yeah, I will.
-[whimpering]
-But it'll cost you.
-Yeah? What's it gonna cost me?
Well, the only way I see the city
going for it is, uh,
if our names are attached to it.
-Mine and Jim's.
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah?
-[Randy] Mr. Lahey!
[mocking tone] Randy!
You think that's fucking fair, do you?
You just fucking come in
and take part of my fucking heart
and soul for doing fucking nothing?
-I don't fucking think so, baby!
-[clattering]
-[whimpering]
-Bubbles...
That's bullshit.
That's bullshit.
I am willing to make
all your dreams happen
for just a small crumb of the pie.
I promise I'm going to steer
the old shit ship straight, Bubbles.
-No fucking bullshit!
-Oh, yeah.
-All you have to do is just team up...
-Look, it would be a shame...
-We can make your fucking business...
-[overlapping conversation]
I've got hundreds of
contacts from my days...
[Randy yelling]
Would you guys just leave him alone?
Get your fucking greasy hands off me,
you fucking humpback shit whale!
You want to fucking go?
-I'll go with you!
-Let's fucking go!
I'll take the pants off right now!
Come on, right fucking now!
Let's go!
I'm not signing anything!
Everybody just shut the fuck up!
[moaning, panting]
These are your options, Bubbles.
-Take it or leave it.
-[panting]
[whimper]
Yeah, you know what?
You know what... George?
I'd rather have no fucking business
and still have my fucking friends
than team up with you fucking shit balls.
Fucking assholes!
[slap]
There, Randy,
I knocked your burger.
Here, sorry, here.
Have another one.
-I'm sorry about that.
-[slap]
Bubbles!
Frig off!
Friggin' perfectly good burgers...
You sure you won't consider, Bubbles?
Jim, we'll work on it.
[Bubbles] Hey, Big Hawk?
Hey, it's Bubbles here.
Listen, I... got some bad news.
I know I told you my
middle name was Consistency.
I should have told you my middle name's
The Big Fucking Letdown Guy.
I got shut down by the city.
I'm not gonna be able
to deliver that beer.
I'm sorry, bud.
The Hawk.
[whimper]
[Julian] Bubs! Get over here, man,
I got some good news.
Yeah, well we've got to have
a business meeting, Julian.
No, we're getting drunk tonight and
celebrating, buddy.
No, I don't think so.
-Business meeting.
-Just hang on for a minute.
Fuckbrains got engaged.
Ricky, what the fuck are you doing?
I wanted to tell him myself, man.
What? Engaged?
What do you mean en...
Like to get married?
-Yes!
-We're getting married, man.
Oh, my fuck. Well...
Congratulations.
A little bit sudden, don't you think?
Well, sudden's one word,
fucked is another one.
I don't think it's fucked,
I think it's romantic.
-Yeah, romantic.
-You know what's not romantic?
The thought of you banging Sarah
going around and 'round in my head.
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!
You've just got to keep bringing this up
fucking constantly?
You just told me about it an hour ago!
And yeah, maybe I am!
You know?
I... I thought I could deal with it.
I don't think I can.
What the fuck
am I supposed to do?
If you can't fucking get over it,
maybe we should move on.
Yeah, but I want to be with you, Ricky.
I love your dumb ass, you fucking idiot.
Maybe... maybe if you
committed to me,
I could get rid of these images of
-her blowing you...
-Oh, my God...
...and you mowing down
on her dirty red box.
What the fuck are you saying?
If I commit to you,
and we get married,
engaged and shit,
that you can finally forget
about this shit?
-Yeah, maybe I am.
-Oh, my fucking God!
-That's all it's going to take, is it?
-Yeah.
Fine.
-Will you for to be fucking married to me?
-[Bubbles] Ricky!
Yeah.
Yeah, I fucking will.
[Ricky] Well, great then,
I guess we're fucking getting
married then, aren't we?
-Yeah, I guess we fucking are.
-All right.
-This is gonna be something, isn't it?
-Yeah.
-Bottle kids!
-[kids screaming]
[glass shattering]
[Bubbles] Get going,
you little bastards!
What was that?
-So are we really doing this?
-Yeah!
[panting]
[Bubbles] Rick...
Let's get in the trailer.
-I love you.
-[whispering] I love you.
-Did that really just fucking happen?
-Un-fucking-believable, isn't it?
-Baby...
-Yes, it is!
-Let's go make this official. Come on.
-All right, okay. Just...
-just give me one second.
-Okay.
Fuck. So what did you want to
talk about, buddy?
[sigh]
Nothing, Julian. Just go.
-Are you sure...
-Just go. We'll talk later.
-Yes.
-All right. Okay. You sure, buddy?
I mean best man?
-[whimper]
-Huh?
Fuck, man, I thought you'd be happier.
I'm happy, Julian.
-Deedle deedle, congratulations.
-Okay. You sure?
Yes.
-See you in the morning, man.
-Yeah, you just go.
I'll deal with everything.
[voice trembling]
You guys just go enjoy
your engagement banging.
[sigh, whining]
[theme music]
[seagulls squawking]
[fish]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...
Fuck off! Jesus Christ!
[whisper]
Fuck.
-[light clicks off]
-Fuck off.