Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018): Season 12, Episode 7 - The Big Cock - full transcript

Boys.

Hey, Julian.
Where have you been?

I was just...
running around, man.

Okay, well, I think
this is the final tweak.

No way.

I think this is
the final tweak right here.

I just want to make a toast

to the two best friends
and the two best business partners

a guy could ever have.

Let this be the final one.

-Here, Ricky.
-Looks pretty clear, man.



-Thanks, buddy.
-Oh, it's clear. It's clear as fuck.

-It smells fucking good.
-[exhalation]

All right!
Let's try it out.

-[Bubbles] Come on, baby.
-Excited.

Come on, baby.

Holy fuck, that's smooth, man!

That is fucking delicious!

-Yes!
-Awesome!

Yes!

I've been workin' with Ricky and Julian
non-stop on this beer

and I've gotta say it's been
the greatest time of my life.

There's no illegal stuff,
no fucking bullshit;

everybody's
pulling their weight.

The boys actually kept
their fucking word.



[voice breaking] And I've never been
more proud of them.

It's been really, really hard
not breaking the law,

but we promised Bubbles we wouldn't
and we're sticking to it.

Other than picking a few magic mushrooms
under the trailers and...

[exhaling]

...selling them for a bit
of grocery money here and there,

I'm 100% on the straight of narrow.

And it feels really
good not having secrets.

I mean, well, other than
what I just told you guys,

but... just keep
that to yourselves.

[Julian] It's been actually pretty
cool working for Bubs

and, you know, just sitting back
and letting him run things for once.

I've been working
as a sales rep,

and... I don't mean to sound
like I'm bragging or anything,

but I just locked in
a deal with the Legion

to supply them with beer

for the provincial dart
championship coming up.

That's 60 cases.

I mean, that's fucking
massive for us.

And I did it. Hm.

To Julian, and to 60 cases!

Let this be the start of many more
fucking deals to come!

-Fuck yeah.
-Way to go, Julian!

Boys, it's not just me, okay?
It's all of us. We're a team.

We should probably fucking include
Big Hawk in this too.

[laughing] The guy you did
the deal with,

that's his fucking name
or is that a nickname?

-It's his fucking nickname, obviously.
-Well, it's a fucked name either way.

All right, to Big Hawk!

All right.

-Big Hawk.
-Fuck that is smooth. That's like a...

[Julian] Boys, speaking of names,
I've been thinking about this

all fucking night, you know.

Check this out...

Freedom 35.

-That's what the beer should be called.
-[Ricky scoffing]

No, think, boys.

It's something we've been trying
to achieve our entire lives

and because of this fucking beer,

I think we're finally gonna
make it this time.

-It's perfect.
-No, it's dumb. It's a dumb fucking name.

It's not a dumb name, Ricky.
Dumb's not the word.

But, Julian, it's fucking huge decision.

So you know,
maybe we should think about it,

get consensus amongst
the board of directors.

It's actually kind of too late.

I think it's fucking perfect.

Here, check these out.

Holy fuck!

-[Ricky] Those are nice.
-That's the logo?

[Julian] And... check out this shirt,
buddy.

Oh...

We have uniforms, boys.

-[Bubbles] It's got my name on it!
-Yep.

I never had a shirt
with my name on it before.

That's fucking badass.

Decent!

-You know what, Julian?
-What?

-I do love it.
-Thank you.

-I think it's fucking perfect.
-So do I.

Freedom 35, that's the name.
I love it!

If you guys like it, I guess,
but, if it's gonna have a shitty name,

it's gonna have to have
a fucking kick-ass fucking slogan.

I already thought of that.
Check this out:

"Freedom 35. Drink the dream."

Oh yeah, that's really fucking catchy.

-It's not...
-What?

[Bubbles] It's not bad, Ricky.

But you know, Julian,
I think slogans should...

be a little more, you know, developed.

How about this?

"Freedom 35.

This is what freedom tastes like."

-Eh?
-All right, okay...

That's gonna look good on the box.

No, they both fucking suck, actually.

You guys clearly know
nothing about markeling.

Okay, what do you
fucking think then, genius?

It's just got to be...
simple and basic.

Like... all right.

"Freedom 35.

Drink our beer."

-It's kind of right on the nose.
-[Ricky gurgling, spitting]

-Ricky!
-Ricky!

Fuck!

Here, you're getting it
on your uniform.

All over my new uniform!

All over my fucking joint!

Now it's gotta be laundered.

[theme music]

-Do you like it hard or soft?
-Ricky!

Hard or soft?

-Would you fuck off?
-Was that too much?

-I'm just fucking around, Bubs.
-I'm trying to fucking focus here.

Okay, no, I'm not gonna bug you.
It's all good.

Rick, put the beer cock down
and stop fucking around, okay?

We've got a big day ahead of us.

-We all need to be focused.
-No shit!

Don't worry about me.
I'm fucking razor-focused, bud.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

What's the plan, then?

We gotta get all the fucking shit
done, boys! Yeah!

Wrong. Just to be clear again,

we've gotta go to Reggie's,
pick up all the bottles,

-get back here, do all the bottling...
-I know.

...all the labelling,
and get to the Legion for 5:00

or else Big Hawk's gonna be
pissed off, and so will I.

So let's get this done.

That's pretty much
what I fucking said, Julian.

No, it isn't.

-You all set, Bubs?
-Yes. Just remember,

I've got no power steering,
no power brakes.

Take it fucking easy.

We were able to buy my truck
back from the pawn shop,

except the dirty cocksucker
that runs the place

sold the goddamn
engine out of it.

But, not a big deal.

You know, if the business
keeps growing the way it has been,

I'll be able to put a brand
new engine in it someday.

Hopefully.

-Here we go.
-[engine roaring]

Ricky, Ricky!
Slow the fuck down...

All right, and we're off.

[singing William Tell Overture]

Randy, you've got to admit, bud,
you've got a gift.

And I'm telling you,
we go back to that track,

you use your old fucking noggin,

we're gonna win back
all the money we lost, bud.

We? You lost the money.

We talked about this.

We're never going back
to the track again.

If you go back to the track,
you're gonna lose.

At the horses and me, Mr. Lahey.

Randy...

[George] Gentlemen!

I took the liberty of...

making a few purchases,
for the company.

I see.

We're gonna have to up the surveillance
if we're gonna take those guys down.

Who said anything about
taking those guys down?

Since Julian got out,
they haven't even been frigging with us.

Sorry. Am I missing something here?

Yeah, George, maybe
you are missing something.

'Cause every time
we kick the old shit hive,

the old fucking shit bees
swarm the shit out of us.

Yeah. George,
we're really not interested.

-Just let them make their beer.
-Please.

Tell me you two don't
actually believe

that all they're doing down there
is making beer?

Please tell me
you're not that stupid!

You're always talking about shit, Jim.

Why don't you wake the fuck up
and smell it for once?

Goddamn idiots!

We've got a problem, Rands.

What the fuck is that?

I don't know, it's some kind of...

robot thingy.

Hey, the Reg! 'Sup, buddy?

Ricky! How you doing,
you old ostrich fucker?

-[Julian chuckles]
-Please tell me

you are packing some of those
fucking mushrooms, bro.

I got so fucked up on those things,

I could have sucked the cock
off a crocodile.

-[Ricky clearing throat]
-What mushrooms are you talking about?

'Shrooms? Must have got those
from somebody else.

I haven't had 'shrooms
in a fucking long time. Like, years.

[Julian] Think we can grab those fucking
bottles? We're in a bit of a rush, Reg.

-Yeah. No bottles.
-What?

Crushed the shit out
of those bottles.

What? What the fuck do you mean?

Yeah, I was tripping on them 'shrooms,
bro, and I...

I got on the old
front-end loader and, uh...

well, I was like a Tyrannosaurus rex
fucking a goat up there.

-[Ricky laughing]
-Pretty much trashed the whole yard.

Oh, yeah? Okay,
so we're fucked then! This is great.

Oh, you know...
calm down, buddy.

I mean. I feel slightly
responsible here. It's...

Why don't you go up
to the recycling people?

They've got a shit-ton
of bottles up there.

Jesus Christ, Reg,
we were coming to you

because you said you'd front them
and we'd get you back later.

This is fucking great, Julian!
This is great.

There's no way we can do this
by 5:00 now! We're fucked!

Hey, hey, calm down.
We can still do it on 5:00.

[panting] How, Ricky?

A fucking good, old-fashioned
bottle drive, that's how.

I'll round up my hockey kids.
We can fucking do this.

Okay. Let's go, Julian.
Let's get it going. Right now.

-Okay.
-Let's go.

-Bottle drive.
-Ride with me. We'll figure this out.

So dude, seriously.
[clearing throat]

You can get your hands
on some of those mushrooms though?

[coughs]
I've got a shit-ton of them.

I've gotta keep it
on the fucking down low.

I've got some guys.
We can move that shit, buddy.

-Let's do a deal. Come on.
-I can't do it. Like, it's...

it's kind of like
my retirement or whatever.

I can sell a little for
some money when I need it, but...

I can't get into anything illegal.
I promised Bubbles.

-Tiger teabaggin'...
-[Bubbles] Honk, honk!

-I'm coming!
-Let's go, Ricky! You said bottle drive,

not bottle sit-in-the-fucking-junkyard-
where-there's-no-bottles!

I get it.

'Cause your fucking crazy friend
smashed them, high on mushrooms!

[sigh]

All right, look, if you change your mind,
I got some Japanese.

They will pay top yen
for this kind of good shit.

-Don't forget that.
-Top what?

Top yen, baby.

Top yen. It's good yen.

-Top yen?
-Yen's good.

-What's a top...
-Top yen.

-Okay.
-Yung chow yen.

[Bubbles] Hon-n-n-nk!

Seriously, tiger teabaggin' fucker.

You know what "can't"
means to Reggie?

-What?
-It means "can."

[engine ignition]

[Ricky] All right kids,
let's get some bottles.

And follow my leaf,
let me do the talking,

'cause rich people are fucked.

[knocking at door]

How you doing, darling?
We're on a bottle drive,

trying to raise some money
for these poor little girls.

They need braces.
Their teeth are fucked.

Got anything you can
help us out with?

-No! Please get off my property.
-What the fuck?

-[door closing]
-Thanks for your cock-sucking support!

Fucking rich people.
They make me sick!

[Julian knocking at door]

Hey, bud. I'm just raising
money for the kids.

Uh, do you got any empty beer bottles
kicking around?

-[man grunts]
-No? What about full ones?

Mm-hmm.

You got any fucking booze here
that you don't want?

-Mm-hmm.
-No?

[Bubbles] Oh, for fuck's sakes!

-Fuck off, then.
-That sucks.

-Julian.
-What?

We're trying to get empty bottles,

not bottles of liquor.

Bubs, I didn't know this was gonna
take so fucking long, okay?

Let's just move it on
to the next house. Let's go.

How's it going? I'm just doing a little
bottle drive, trying to get some empties.

We're actually trying to raise money
for little Darren here. He needs eyes.

They're falling out. He caughtched
a disease. You got anything here?

[woman] No, sorry. Can't help you.

-This blows.
-This isn't working.

I know, because everyone
in this fucking neighbourhood

is a fucking asshole!

A full case! Aren't you just
a little angel sent from heaven.

Thank you, ma'am.

[girl] You have yourself
a wonderful day.

All right. Let's go.

-[giggle]
-[box creaking]

-[glass shattering]
-You s... stupid son of a...

-[woman] I'll just go grab a broom.
-Sorry, it was an accident!

No, I didn't mean you.
I meant the box.

-Oh, I'm sorry.
-[clinking]

Sorry about that.

It's not a big deal. Let's just...
let's just go.

[whispering] Let's just go.

-[Ricky knocking at door]
-[dog barking]

How's it going?
Just on a little bottle drive here,

trying to raise some money
for little Darren.

He needs a new heart, new lungs,
new veins. It's a mess.

My organs are totally fucked.

That's right.
Can you help us out?

-Pathetic. What are you doing?
-Oh, that's nice.

That's just fucking...
What the fuck is wrong

with the people
in this fucking neighbourhood?

[Julian] We got fuck all, Bubs.
How'd you guys make out?

Well, not good, Julian. I mean,
what are we gonna do here?

There's no way we're gonna get enough
to bottle up 60 cases.

This neighbourhood
sucks buffalo balls.

We could be screwed here.
It's a lot harder than it used to be.

Do any of your dads
fucking drink a lot, kids?

Oh! My dad's an alcoholic,
and both of my uncles are too!

They live with us.

-Do you have a lot of empties there?
-Yeah, the whole shed's full!

-Ah...
-Oh, my God.

Ronnie, there's only one word right now
that works for me to call you

and I'm not allowed
to use that word anymore.

I'm gonna have to make up a new one.
Are you fucking de-tarded?

You can't say that.
It still means the same thing!

It means the same thing
but it's not a bad word, right?

Well, then in that case,
you're ducked in the head.

That means fucked
in the head, dummy.

Okay. I know what it is.
Everybody shut the fuck up.

Get the fuck in the cars.
We're getting out of here.

[girl] My God, the language.

[Ricky] Where the fuck
do you live, Ronnie?

[Bubbles] Holy fuck, we did it boys,
we did it.

Fucking rights, we did.
Look at all these fucking things.

There has to be enough here
for 60 cases, isn't there?

60? Ricky, we could make 80 cases
with the bottles here.

You had the fucking idea.

-You saved the day, bud.
-Fucking right, buddy.

No matter how fucked things get,

if you just use your brain,
you can accomplish anything.

Yeah. Just be careful, Ricky.

I got this.
Top of my game, buddy.

Ricky! Ricky!

[clattering]

Jesus Murph... Ricky!

[Ricky] Who the fuck built
those steps all crooked?

You went down like the ten chocolate
layer cakes guy from Sesame Street.

-Are you all right?
-Yeah. A little dizzy though, boys.

And my fucking head feels like it's
sweating all of a sudden for some reason.

-Ricky...
-Still got my fucking joint though.

-Ricky...
-Holy fuck.

-[grunting]
-Ricky... uh-oh.

That's fucking weird.
Why the fuck is my sweat red, boys?

I'm gonna have to go...
take a piss or something.

-Ricky...
-[thud]

Good job, Ronnie.
Keep 'em flowing.

Normally I wouldn't allow the kids

anywhere near the open
liquor bottling stage like this.

But a lot of the bottles
we got from Ronnie's place,

they're full of old cigarette butts

and loogies, even
[whispering] prophylactics.

So I just thought it was better to just
put Cory and Jacob on that station.

This beer's fucking delicious.

Jesus Murphy!

Can you guys not show that, please?
Maybe just cut that off?

We're gonna have to hurry up
with this. We're running out of time here.

Can you just hold still, please?

-This isn't working.
-It's still bleeding, Dad.

It's just a little cut. Jacob, hurry the
fuck up with the duct tape, would you?

Here, Ricky. I don't think
it's gonna stop the bleeding though.

Correct. It won't, Jacob.

Gonna have to borrow
part of your shirt too, bud.

-Good thinking, dude.
-Nice.

[loud music playing on car stereo]

[engine revving, brakes squeaking]

[Ricky] Hey! Well, if it isn't three of
the most fucked people in the world!

[Tommy] Hey, Ricky!

Long time no fucking see, man.

What the fuck are you
doing with that Band-Aid?

[Ricky] Just getting ready
to ram it right up your ass.

Hey, word on the street, man, is you're...
sitting on a shit-ton of 'shroomies.

-Now, is that true?
-Is that right?

Well, I'm standing as you can fucking see,
so I guess it's not true, is it?

[laughs] That's cute, man,
but you see, Reggie told me.

He says you got a whole bunch.

We'd be real interested
to take them off your hands,

-if you know what I mean.
-No idea what you're talking about, bud.

Are you saying Reggie's a liar?
Is that what you're fucking saying here?

No. I said I don't know what the fuck
he's talking about.

-Call it whatever the fuck you want.
-Look man,

will you just fucking listen to me
for a second, all right?

Now Terry and Dennis here
got a really good connection

back in J-A-fucking-pan, man,
and we wanna make 'em happy.

So if you are sitting
on a shit-ton of 'shroomies,

let's say it'd be in your best interest
to work out a deal with us now.

Really? Okay. How about this deal:
get the fuck back in your car

and fuck the fuck off
to wherever you fucked on from.

-All right. That's what we'll do.
-Perfect.

-No problem, man.
-All right.

No problem at all.
It's very unfortunate for you,

but not a big fucking deal, Ricky.

[car doors opening]

What the fuck is that
opposed to mean?

Unfortunate for me?

[car doors closing]

[George] High-res surveillance.

This thing flies high enough
that the boys are none the wiser.

I wish I had this fucking thing
years ago, Randers!

Fuck, George, this is really impressive!

I think we can be pretty confident

that there's something
illegal going on there.

Wouldn't you say, guys?

We don't know that for sure.

Plus we already told you
that we're not interested if they are.

Right.

That's Tommy Rector,
aka Tommy Bean, but...

I don't recognize the other two.

Well, I do.

That's Dennis and Terry.
Those are Cyrus' old shit buddies.

The last time they were in the park,

they shot it up real fucking good
with machine guns.

Well, let's see
where they're going, shall we?

Wait... you can follow them
out of the park?

Seven kilometre range, Jim.

I don't think we should
be following them out of the park, Ge--

Randy!

Ricky, was that Tommy Bean?

Yep. And Dennis and Terry
were with him too.

What? What the fuck did they want?

Fucking Reggie told them
I had a shit-ton of mushrooms.

They were here to buy them.
All of them, one-shot deal.

What do you mean all of them?
I mean, you don't got any, right?

-[Ricky grunts]
-Ricky?

-My fuck, Ricky!
-All right, Julian,

I'm gonna be totally
fucking honest with you.

Cory and Jacob managed to get
their hands on a few, that I took,

and I've been selling just enough
for grocery money for my family,

-which makes it not illegal.
-Oh, for fuck's sakes, Ricky!

How many's a few?

[Bubbles] All right, boys.
The last labels are just going on.

Let's get these dirty whores on the truck
and get the fuck to the Legion.

♪ Hee-hee ♪
Michael Jackson!

Bubbles is gonna lose
his goddamn fucking mind!

Don't tell him.

"Don't tell him"...

Fuck's sakes, Ricky.

[buckles clicking]

Okay, boys,
we're ready to rock.

Nice.

Look, I know I keep getting emotional
and everything, but...

-let's go with the hugs.
-Bubs, we don't have time for hugs.

-We've gotta get going, man.
-Nope, don't care.

Love you guys, and I want hugs
and I'm not ashamed to say it.

[whimpering]

-Thanks for everything, boys.
-All right.

I'm fucking proud of you, guys
and I mean that.

-[low] We gotta fucking talk.
-About what?

-Julian.
-What?

Into the buddy mobile, please.

-Are you serious?
-You're ridin' with me. Yeah, let's go.

Come on.

Best buddies.

Going to make a big deal.

-[engine revving]
-Easy, Ricky, easy, easy!

[Julian] Easy!

Honest to fuck, Julian,
I can barely contain myself.

I mean, our lives
are so perfect now,

and they're only gonna get perfecter,
as Ricky would say.

Yeah, well, shit can always go
wrong though, buddy.

-We've got to stay on top of things.
-What? What do you mean?

What do you think's
gonna go wrong?

I don't think anything's
gonna go wrong.

I'm just saying,
shit can always be perfecter.

Well, yeah, obviously.
I mean, if I had an engine in this thing,

-that would make things better.
-[engine roaring]

Dude, I can't imagine if I went out
with a dog. That's kind of weird.

[Ricky] Well, you know what, Cory?

Then better to be safe than sorry
and never fucking date a dog.

[Cory] No, I mean,
if I fell in love with it,

I guess I could, but I don't know.
I just don't think I would though.

[Jacob] Can we stop the...
so I can take a piss?

Oh, my God. Why the fuck
did I even bring you guys?

-[gunfire, glass shattering]
-What the fuck?

-Holy fuck!
-[gunshot]

Jesus Christ, somebody's
shooting at us!

Julian, what the fuck is that?

Tommy Bean! Oh, for fuck's sakes!

Do you got any guns up there?

I've got one with me...

Uhh... I've got one under the seat
and there's a shotgun in the trunk.

Well, pull over! We've gotta fight
these fucking guys!

[Ricky] Okay, boys, we're gonna have
to fucking shoot this out.

Guys, no pussying out, all right?
You ready?

-Yeah, dude, I'm ready.
-All right, I'm pulling in.

There's a little street here.
I'm pulling in! Get ready!

Julian, we're not getting
in a fucking gunfight!

Bubs, we're already in a gunfight,
if you haven't fucking noticed.

And when you are in a gun fight,
you need fucking guns! Trust me!

[Bubbles whimpering]

-Alright, alright.
-[Julian] Stay down, Bubs!

-[screaming]
-[gunfire continues]

[Tommy] It didn't have
to be like this, Ricky!

I was gonna buy them off you.
But one way or another,

we ain't leaving here
without those 'shroomies!

[Ricky] It's not mushrooms,
you stupid fuck! It's beer!

[Tommy] Beer? What the fuck
you talking about, beer?

[Ricky] We're taking Bubbles'
beer down to Legion

for the fucking dart championships,
and now we're fucking late!

[Tommy] So you mean...

you don't got 'shroomies
in those Freedom 35 boxes?

[Ricky] Why the fuck would we have
'shrooms in the bottles?

Well... I thought you was
transporting them that way.

Which, when I heard,
I thought it was fucking brilliant,

but now that I say it out loud,
it is pretty fucking stupid. Ah, shit!

[Ricky] I mean, it'd be easy
to get them in,

but how the fuck'd you
get them back out?

I didn't think that far ahead, all right?

[Dennis] You could just break
the bottles to get them out.

[Terry] That would work.

Oh, yeah,
that's a fucking brilliant idea!

What'd you do about all the small, tiny
little pieces of glass in the mushrooms?

Do you know what a fucking nightmare
that would be to deal with?

It wouldn't be all that bad, actually.

Is this conversation really
fucking happening right now?

We need to get
to the fucking Legion!

All right, Tommy, what the fuck
are we gonna do here?

Well, I don't know.
I fucked up!

Look, man, we're going
to drive away, all right?

But if I find out
you have mushrooms, Ricky,

I will come back
and I'll fucking kill you, man!

[Ricky] Fuck off!

The fucking door's locked.

-Christ.
-For fuck's sakes!

That was fucked.

Oh, boys!

It's all shot to shit,
for fuck's sakes!

Ricky, do you want to tell me
what the fuck just happened here?

No fucking idea, man.
That was a fucking weird one.

You have no idea why Tommy Bean
and the flappy bird brothers

just fucking started blasting us,
asking you about mushrooms?

Bubs, Bubs, listen.
Calm down, okay?

We'll deal with this later.
We can still make this delivery. Let's go.

-Come on.
-Take your gun back.

They must have thought
we were someone else, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, thought
you were someone else.

-No fucking idea...
-Bubs, get in the truck!

How was that speed
for you? Was it okay?

-[door slamming]
-[Bubbles] Yes.

-Just fucking tow me!
-[Julian] We're two men down.

This is bullshit!

Bubs, I know it's bullshit.
Just calm the fuck down.

Hey, are you fucking
coming with me or wh...?

Get the fuck in the car!

[Julian] It's not that bad.
[Bubbles] What are you talking about?

Julian, here, at least try to fucking...

-Here he comes. Hey, how's it going?
-Hey.

It may not look the best,
but most of this is mint condition.

That's the brew master right there.
When you taste this beer,

it's gonna feel like a diamond rainbow
spraying right out of your ass.

Pickled Jesus in a long white robe!
What happened here?

I can't take this stuff
all smashed up like that!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, listen...

It's Big Cock, right?

Big Cock?

No. It's Big Hawk, with an H.

What, like the fucking bird? Sorry.

These fucking guys
said it was Big Cock.

Where the fuck did you get
a nickname like that?

I'd understand if it was Big Cock.
I assumed you were packing or whatever.

[chuckling] I gave it to myself.

-You named yourself Big Hawk?
-Mm-hmm.

What, do you got a set of wings
hiding there under your shirt?

[laughter]

No, no, I just wanted something tough,
you know.

Not like the tiger or anything,

but birds are kind of tough,

and Blue Jay and The Eagle
were already taken,

so... Big Hawk.

Right. Well, that's pretty fucked,

but anyway...
The beer's here.

Like I said, most of it's mint condition.

A deal's a deal. Come on,
let's make this happen.

No, no,
I can't do it.

I can't sell beer
that's all smashed up.

It's not smashed up, it's shot up.

What? Who in the name of Christ's kittens
was shooting at you?

Probably one of the other three clients

we had to turn down to
make this deal happen.

I mean, someone's obviously pissed off
you're getting the last of this shit.

But look, look,
we'll clean this all up, okay?

We'll even stock your fridges for free.

Look, that's a...
that's a $200 value

right there, for free.
Throw it in.

[Ricky] Come on, Big Cock.
You can do this.

-We need it.
-You don't understand

the bullshit we just went through
to get this stuff here on time.

But I'm a man of my word.

I said it was gonna be here on time.
Here it is.

-Please.
-Just a few short.

-Come on, Big Hawk.
-All right, fellas.

You get it looking good
and get it in the fridges,

-and we'll call it a deal.
-Yes!

-Right on!
-[Ricky] That's the shit right there.

[Hawk] Now come on inside
and we'll get you all squared up.

Yes! Yes!

All right,
let's load them in, boys.

-All right, come on.
-[glass shattering]

Holy fuck, Bubs.

Listen, man, you got to get it together
and stop fucking up.

[shouting] Me?

Bubs, just pick up the ones that aren't
broken, I'll go deal with Big Hawk.

[Ricky] We just lost a bunch of money
there 'cause of you not being careful.

-[gunfire on video]
-Holy shit!

I think we have sufficient evidence
to go to the cops.

-Wouldn't you say, Jim?
-Not yet.

Mr. Lahey, why are
you talking about...

-Randy. Randy...
-...going to the cops and evidence?

-Randy!
-I don't...

Let the man think, would you?

Listen, if the three shit-kateers

are getting into gunfights

with the likes of Tommy Bean,
Dennis, and Terry,

then there's a lot more here
than meets the eye.

It's just the tip of
the iceberg, Randy.

Tip of the shitberg.

[Randy sighing]

Yeah, jack it, Bubs!
Jack that crow.

-Fucking come on, you.
-I hope he doesn't blow all over you.

-[chuckling]
-Ricky...

[sighing] Come on, Bubs,
don't be pissed, man. I'm sorry.

I'm not pissed, Ricky,
but it's just, like...

what's the fucking point? Seriously?
What is the fucking point?

Well, I guess the fucking point
is that I promised you

I wasn't gonna break the law
and I did, but I thought

that because it was
for fucking groceries and shit,

then that makes it
not that illegal.

Imagine if this
was six months ago.

I definitely would've been selling
like fucking crazy.

So this kind of means I'm getting
a little better, doesn't it?

In a weird, illogical,
fucked-up kind of way, sort of, Ricky.

It's just like...

Ricky, we're so fucking close.

Like, we're so fucking close
to being set up,

I can fucking taste it.

And then you'll never have to sell

any amount of "grocery" mushrooms
ever again.

But if you guys
aren't there with me

when all that good stuff happens,

then it's not even worth it to me.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

And I wanna be right there with you,
just don't give up on me.

Ricky, if I was gonna
give up on you,

I probably would've did it

one of the other thousand times
that you fucked up.

-Thanks, buddy.
-[sighing]

Hey. Get my belly, will you?

Come on, deedle it.

Ricky, belly-gettin's
not something you ask for.

Belly-getting is
something that you earn.

[Julian] Hey, boys!

I just got off the phone with Big Cock.

He said he was really impressed
with the customer service,

and the beer's going great, man.
People are fucking loving it!

-Yeah!
-And he wants more.

-Fucking awesome, boys.
-All right, boys, put it in.

Boys, can we just get this
back on track, please?

Fuck, yeah, we can.

Let's definitely get things
back on track.

-Okay...
-[car horn honking]

-Who the fuck is that?
-[guns cocking]

-[Bubbles] What?
-[clattering]

Ricky... Julian!

Is this really fucking happening
right now?

It's... it's just Candy.

[Ricky] Fuck, I hope
she's not here to tell him

he's going back to fucking jail.

Ricky, why would you say that?

Why are you gonna get me
all worked up now?

Do you think that's
what she's doing?

-[Julian] It's a pellet gun.
-[chuckling]

[Ricky] Oh, kissy, kissy, kiss-kiss!

[Bubbles] Oh-ho-ho!

[singsong]
Julian and Candy up a tree.

-B-A-N-G-I-N-G!
-[giggling]

That's fucking funny, man.

I don't know what it means,
but that is fucking funny.

-[laughing]
-What? You don't know what it means?

The B-I-N-I-G-N-E thing.

But it's in a tree!
Julian in a fucking tree!

-[laughing]
-No, Ricky...

And he's probably fucking
naked too, isn't he?

-What?
-[laughing harder]

No, Ricky it was...

Like a fucking bear!
[cackling]

[clattering]

Ricky! Ricky, are you all right?

Here, who's got your belly?
Who's got your belly?

Oh, my fuck,
that's fucking funny!

-Are you all right?
-[laughter]

Ricky, that wasn't
even the funny part.

[theme music]

[seagulls squawking]

[fish] Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...

Fuck off! Jesus Christ!

[whispering] Fuck.

-[light clicks off]
-Fuck off.