Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018): Season 12, Episode 2 - Godspeed My Muscular Friend - full transcript

♪ It's a working man ♪

♪ I am ♪

[humming]

All right.

♪ One, two, three,
four, five... ♪

♪ Six, seven, eight,
nine, ten... ♪

♪ Eleven, twelve ♪

[humming enthusiastically]

[humming continues]

[Barb] Bubbles!

Hey, Barb. Oh, decent,
you got me some empties.



-[clattering]
-I want these out of my park!

All of them!
They're everywhere!

What do you mean,
all of them?

I collected these
coming down here!

Th-th-they're... they're in ditches,
they're in bushes,

they're all over the playground!

They're... They're up trees,
they're under people's cars!

-Okay, okay...
-They're up my ass!

Okay, Barb. Just relax!
I understand, but...

I mean, that's not really my problem.
I mean, I run a very tight ship here.

-[scoffing]
-I run it very clean...

It's not your... It's not your problem?

Well, no, it isn't because once I sell
the fucking bottles to somebody,

who owns the bottles?
They do! Not me!



It's not my responsibility.

Well, it is my responsibility
to keep this park rodent-free,

and it seems to me that the only way
to deal with that

is to go to the source of the problem
and get rid of it!

What? Oh, Barb!

Come on, this is all I got!

This is my business!

Look, I'll fucking work with you,
we can sort this out.

I mean, I can...
I can start a recycling program,

-maybe charge people a deposit.
-Oh, for God's sake!

Bubbles, people aren't gonna...
People aren't gonna pay a deposit.

They can barely pay for the shit water
you're making!

It's not! That's delicious,
quality product.

For God's sake... I wanna see
a drastic change, Bubbles!

And I wanna see it today!

Okay.

[exhaling]

Oh, hey, Julian.
You're in your fucking court clothes.

Big surprise.

On your way to fucking court!

Bubs, I'm not going to court, man.

Well, I've got no more
fucking money.

And I'm not spotting you
any more beer,

I only bottled enough
for my deliveries.

-I owe Donnie a fucking case...
-Bubs, Bubs, Bubs.

I don't want any free beer.
I don't want free anything, man, okay?

-[sigh]
-I'm going to get a job.

What?

I've been thinking about what you said
to me, man, and you're right, you know?

It's time for me to grow the fuck up.
It's time for all of us to grow up.

So I'm gonna go down to the mall,
fill out a bunch of applications

and, you know,
see what happens.

Okay, what's really
going on here, Julian?

Because I know
you're not fucking serious.

[scoffing]
Serious enough

that I'm not taking
this fucking thing with me.

Here, hang on to that for me.

Come on, take it.

Oh, my God.

You're going to the mall
without your drink?

No, I'm still going to have a drink.
You know, I'm not just...

I'm not gonna take the glass with me.
It'll be a little less obvious, you know?

Oh, my God, Julian...

you're fucking serious.

Fucking rights, I'm serious.

Come here! Come here!

[whimpering]

I'm fucking proud of you, Julian.

-Thanks, man.
-Oh, my God.

I love you.

Back at you, buddy.
All right, wish me luck.

[Bubbles whimpers]

Godspeed, my muscular friend.

[sighing]

[theme music]

Dude, this is awesome.

We're gonna make a killing off
these bottles.

It's like almost 250 a pop.

Cory, first of all, we're not
gonna make anything.

It's a fucking deposit
that we've gotta give back.

And what do you mean, "250 a pop"?
Where are you getting that?

Well, I multiple 2 times 24, dude.

224.

2 times 24 is not 224.

Yeah, check it.

Look: 2 times 24.

224.

That's how you multiply, is it, Cory?

Okay, show me what's
10 times 10, Cory?

Well, 10 times 10...
1-0-1-0, dude.

Oh, my God.

That is not how you multiply, Cory.
I'm sorry.

Well, everyone has
their own way of multiple, dude,

and it's all the same results.

-We're gonna rock it.
-Just give me this.

I'll deal with the math.
Get me some empties,

then I'll start doling out
the high fives.

-Okay.
-Okay. Don't use your brain.

Well... Okay.

Wassup, Mo?

All right, cool.

Hey, Trin. Hey, Mo.

[in high-pitched voice]
Who's got your...

belly! Hee hee hee!

[giggling]

-He's just like a big kitty.
-Gotta put you down.

-Hey, Bubs.
-What's going on?

I think Dad's losing it.

Oh, Trin, your dad lost it
a long time ago. No offence.

What's wrong?

No, he gave me his car house.
Said he's giving up.

He said he's gonna be gone forever
after today.

What?

Hey, Ricky, what's going on?
How come you're packing up your suitcase?

Hey, Bubs. I was just about
to come say goodbye.

Well, what's going on?
Are you okay?

Actually, I feel great
and it's all thanks to you.

Thinkin' a lot about
what you said and...

you're totally right.
I'm better off in jail.

What? I never said that, Ricky.

Well, not those exact words,
but you did say I was a loser, and I am.

Not a single thing in
this universe I'm good at except

fucking growing dope
and, well, banging.

And now Susan's gone
and the dope's gone, so...

Only place I'm not a menace
to society or a loser is fucking jail,

so that's where I'm going.

Ricky, you're not a fucking menace
to society now.

Yes, I am.

I almost made my son-of-law
a fucking paralegic.

What?

What happened?
What are you talking about?

Jacob, you wanna come out
here for a second, please?

-[Jacob] What? Hold on.
-What did you do to him?

I'm a fucking asshole,
that's what I did to him.

[Jacob moaning]

What do you need?

-Oh, fuck!
-Fuck...

Jacob, what happened to you?

Ricky made me punch
his engagement horse in the ass.

Then it kicked me through the barn door
and broke my neck.

Oh, my fuck!
Your neck's broke?

He was this close to having fucking
no arms, no legs, because of me.

So I'm gonna do something
really fucking stupid

and probably go to jail
for the rest of my life. So...

Thanks for helping me
see things more clearly.

-Ricky...
-You're really good at that.

Ricky, just hang on now.

I did not fucking say
anything like that,

that isn't what I meant.

Let's just... Why don't
we go down to the store?

We'll get some fucking Moon Mist
ice creams like we used to

and we'll sit at the picnic table

and we'll talk it out,
and we'll figure it out. All right?

Are you buying?
'Cause I don't have a fucking cent.

I'll buy the ice creams.
Moon Mist.

Okay. Jacob, do you want us
to pick you up anything?

No, thanks, I'm okay, man.

-I just need to lie down.
-Sure?

[groaning]

[Ricky] Hang in here. Looking good.

[groaning]

[Ricky] Oh, shit. If you need to use
the bathroom again,

fuck, you've got to hold it
till I get back, I guess.

I'm all in favour of spending some
quality time together down at the track,

but I had an idea last night, Mr. Lahey.

Will you listen to me?

Oh, sure, Randy.
[indistinct]

I think we should hire an Assistant
Assistant Trailer Park Supervisor.

-[chuckles]
-To help us with our workload.

No offence, Mr. Lahey, but you're getting
a little too old to handle the bullshit.

[shushing]

[slurring] The liquor speaks.

There's no liquor here, sir.

The liquor is in each
and every one of us, Randy.

It's all around, all the time.

The liquor's telling us to go down
to the horse track, Randy.

It's a sign!

We can talk about that
other stuff later, okay?

Look. See this?

This half of the money is ours.

We're gonna cherish it,
we're gonna love it,

and we're gonna protect it
for as long as we can, okay?

See this pile?
This pile...

belonged to the almighty Julian.

But guess what?
Now it's free money!

We can be a bit reckless with it
if we want to, Randy,

because it's free, sexy money.

I don't think this is a good idea.

Randy...

Can't you see?

I was really fucked up.

Now I'm so full of life
just playing with this shit!

And, besides,
you told me yourself,

it's got the best canteen
in Atlantic Canada.

Okay then, Mr. Lahey.

But promise me we're not gonna
get too frigging out of control.

Randy.

When have I ever done that?

Working at the mall's pretty much
the bottom of the barrel,

but it's the easiest place to get a job

because there's such
a high turnover rate.

You know, there's a couple
cool stores here.

There's a sports store,
that's all right.

And there's a supplement store,

which would be neat
because I'd get a staff discount.

But you know, it's not about the money,
it's not about any of that bullshit.

It's about feeling good about myself.

And you know,
Bubs made me realize that...

that's something I haven't felt
in a long time, so... here I am.

Maybe I could borrow
your truck later tonight

and be a cab driver
for the drunks at the bars.

You need a chauffeur's
licence for that, Ricky,

and you know what's gonna happen.
You're gonna end up

sitting out front of bars
fucking drunk and high every night.

Yeah, good point. Well, maybe
I could work at the beach,

doing something with the beach?

The beach?

There's not really any jobs
at the beach, Ricky.

Other than a lifeguard,
and I don't think you can do that.

You see? Like, I'm fucked!
There's nothing!

I'm just gonna go back to jail,
it's fucking easier.

We're done finishing these ice creams
and this fucking beautiful joint,

I'm robbing that fucking store
and I'm going to jail! Fuck it!

You're not.
You're not robbing the store.

We can figure this out. Look...

Just think about the last six months.
What have you done?

Name something you've done
where you just felt fucking awesome.

Banging.
Banging was good.

Or eating or getting high or drunk,
I like that.

Video games, hockey.

I don't know... watching sports.

No, I get all that, but you can't get
a job banging.

Like, something you did where
you were just, like, "Fucking right on!"

Like... there must be something, Ricky,
that makes you feel good.

Well, I built that deck.
I know when that was done

I fucking stood back and I'm looking
at it going, "Holy fuck, I built that."

And it caused all these
weird feelings, like... I had...

like, these buttermoth feelings that...

they were trying to fly out
of my fucking mouth

and my heart was about to explode.
It was good, whatever the fuck it was.

Okay. I... See, I know. You're...
That's proud, Ricky. You felt proud.

-That's what you call that?
-That's what you call it.

I am proud.
The fucking deck's amazing.

Right! You did fucking good work
with the carpentry, so that's it!

Why don't you become a handyman?

Bubs, I'm not gonna start giving out
fucking handies. I'm not that desperate.

I don't mean that, Ricky.
Not male prostitute stuff.

I mean, you know, like doing odd jobs,
little carpentry jobs...

-around the park, you know?
-[slurping]

You could do that.

You think?

Well, I mean, not to the level where if
somebody wants a fucking house built.

Or if they want their whole house rewired

or a fucking swimming pool
put in or whatever.

Right.

But say somebody's got a loose railing
on their deck

or, you know, knocked a hole
in the wall and they need it patched.

Who the fuck are they gonna call?

Don't know, I do all that myself. Don't
know who the fuck you call for that shit.

They'd call you, Ricky.
That's what I'm saying.

They would call you!

"Hey, Ricky, can you patch
this hole for me?"

I get it. That's cool. Yeah.

I think we can figure this out, Ricky.

All right, you guys wait here.
Don't be cock-blocking me.

Hey, how you doing?

-Hi there!
-Hi, I'm Julian.

Nice to meet you, Julian.
How can I help you?

Well, your name would
be nice for starters.

-My name's Heather.
-Heather. Holy shit,

I love this outfit.
And your eyes are... beautiful.

Thank you.

Uh, I'm just looking
for a job application.

You're not serious, are you?

Oh yeah, I'm... I'm serious.

I've always wanted to own a place
like this and...

You know, I'm an entrepreneur,
so I've got to start somewhere, right?

Mm-hmm, yeah.
Okay, well... I'll be right back, Julian.

-Okay. All right.
-Just wait here.

Okay, thanks, Heather.

Fuck, that was easy.

How much do you need to make,
realistically, every week to live, Ricky?

Well, with Susan gone,
probably 50, 60 bucks a week.

Just need enough money
for a bit of pepperoni,

some chicken fingers... food, basically...
some dope and liquor.

-There you go, 50, 60 bucks a week.
-Yeah.

You could make that, no problem,
doing the odd, you know...

cutting some boards,
putting up some drywall, whatever.

I bet you'd have so much fucking work,
you couldn't even handle it.

Well, I don't want too much work.

I mean, that is one of my...
life rules, right?

Not to work.

I know, Ricky, but that's what I'm saying
about growing up, you know?

It's time to grow up.

You don't always get everything
exactly the way you want it.

Sometimes you've just
got to bite the cock.

You know what, Bubs?

You're fucking right.

It's time for me to suck some cock.

No, that isn't...
that isn't at all what I said, Ricky.

I meant bite it figuratively,

not go out and start actually...

doing it.

Hmm...

[background chatter]

[pen clicking]

[pen clattering]

Stop fucking filming me!

Okay, Ricky, this is gonna
be fucking awesome!

Look at this,
put that one up, but...

-Looks good.
-Give me another one.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

People don't know this, but the secret
to putting up flyers:

you put two side by side.

Fuck you, pork supper.
Look at this.

Put two side by side.
It's scientifically proven.

-Now that will get people's attention.
-Hey, fellas!

Look at those two fucking cock ovens
wearing their fucking tool belts

in the grocery store. Probably don't know
what the fuck they're doing.

Got some fucking competition now,
you little dick mixers!

Ricky, don't get cocky about it.

If it isn't my two favourite dick pipes.
Get the fuck out of my way!

-Go fuck yourself.
-What the hell are you guys doing here?

Putting up flyers.
Rickey's got a new business.

Oh!

Oh! Look, I've got a little kind
of a fucking, uh, a towel rack thingy

that I want put up in my bathroom.
Do you think you could do that?

-Absolutely.
-A towel rack?

-I can do that in about two minutes.
-How much?

-A buck, buck 50, maybe?
-No, Ricky.

No, it's... Look, if you look close at
the fine print, it's a ten dollar minimum,

ten bucks an hour,
but guaranteed work.

He does fucking great work.

Okay then, sweetie, you got a deal.

-Oh, my fuck. You know what?
-Oof!

People like you are gonna keep me
the fuck out of jail! Thank you!

Get off me, you big fucking oaf!

You smell of weed and ass.
[shudders]

Oh, and Bubba, I need some more
of that Green Bastard beer.

-Okay.
-God, that stuff is delicious.

And tonight is the finale
of Dancing With the Stars.

-Okay...
-See you in a bit. Thanks.

Did I just get my first fucking job?

You just got it, Ricky!
You are officially in business, bud.

I was fucking born to do this!

[giggling]

Decent!

[announcer, indistinct
on loudspeaker]

Look at this!
Randy, Randy...

Go! Go! Go for it!
Go for it!

-Yeah!
-[squealing]

We won 25 bucks, Mr. Lahey!
We won!

[slurring] Hey, that's
two in a row, Randy.

So, buddy, I think...
you know what?

I think I should have the next bet

and I think we should take it up
a few notches, okay, bud?

We shouldn't ruin our good luck streak,
Mr. Lahey.

-Why not, Randy?
-Besides, I got a tingly feeling

that Come From Behind's
gonna take the next one!

Two bucks is another 25.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, look!
Look!

It's a sign, Randy, from the liquor.

Hello! I'd like to pace a "blet",
as you say.

Whoa, whoa!
Not allowed back here.

[cameraman] Just fucking relax.

On Topless Thunder!

-Okay.
-That's a 20-to-1 odds, sir.

Don't make that bet.

Oh, Randy, don't be so ridiculous!

This is a harbinger
from the Gods of Liquor!

We can't fucking lose, bud.

-How much would you like to bet?
-I'd like to bet 24,000.

-No, Mr. Lahey!
-But Randy...

-[indistinct shouting]
-Randy, for fuck's sake!

Randy, stop it! Randy, you gotta bet big
if you wanna win big.

Mr. Lahey, you just
made a big mistake!

No, I didn't, Randy!

Liquor never lies, bud,
as time will tell.

What the frig...

This is the best idea Bubbles ever had.

I can't believe we never
thought of this before.

Anyway, let's get this little
hand towel holder put up

and we're the fuck out of here
in five minutes.

These old homes are
always built to code,

so their studs are every 16 inches,
so we'll just make a little mark here.

Put a couple screws in this
and we're the fuck out of here!

Ten bucks, just like that.

[power drill whirring]

[whirring, grinding]

There we go. Perfect.

Fucking seriously?

Who the fuck built this piece of shit?
He was obviously fucking drunk.

Fuckin' Jesus.
Where the fuck's the stud?

[banging]

Oh, for fuck's sakes.
Now I got a fucking hole here.

Fucking asshole.

You can patch
these little holes and...

you know, they still
look pretty good, but...

the best thing to do when you get
a hole like this is to...

to make a little square.

Then you'll never have
to worry about it cracking.

May as well fucking do it right!

So much for the goddamn
five-minute fucking job.

But anyway...

Fucking idiots that built
this fucking place. Fuck 'em.

Cut a nice little rectangle out of here.

Punch another couple
holes in the corner...

[banging]

All right.

We take our trusty "I'll fucking cut
through anything" saw.

And make sure you try
and stay on the lines,

'cause you wanna be able
to replace a nice rectangle afterwards.

[electric saw whirring]

-[electrical buzzing]
-Oh, for fuck's sakes...

[Marguerite] What the fuck is going on
in there? My goddamn TV just went out.

Chill the fuck out, Marguerite.
It's probably just a breaker, no big deal.

-I'll fix it.
-[Marguerite] Ricky?

[electric saw whirring, rattling]

-What the fuck are you doing?
-Oh, fuck!

[hiss of spraying water]

[Marguerite] What the hell was that?

[thudding, ripping, clattering]

-[Marguerite] Ahh!
-Fuck, fuck!

[Marguerite]
Where is this water coming from?

My TV is still off!

Right in the middle of my show, you...
you cock-sucking idiot!

Oh, I'm gonna kill you!

-[clattering]
-[Ricky] Fuck!

-[Marguerite] What the hell was that?
-Dammit!

[shouting] Fuck!

[Marguerite] Where is this water
coming from?

[Ricky] Get the fuck in here!

-Fuck...
-[clattering]

[Marguerite]
What the doubling heck?

Yee!

I'm up to my fucking ankles
in water out here!

What the...
And my TV's still off!

-Fuck you!
-[Marguerite] What's going on?

[water spraying]

Marguerite, you've got to shut
your fucking water off!

Shut your fucking water off!

-[Marguerite] What the fuck?
-Ahh!

[water spraying]

[indistinct background chatter]

Excuse me, sir.

-What?
-Come with us, please.

Why?

[guard]
Just gonna have a little talk.

Here he is, sir.

Great. Nice work, guys, thanks.
I'll take it from here.

Nice work, you're fucking
superheroes. Nice. Good going.

-Look, I didn't do anything wrong.
-Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

You see, the thing is...
They have this new stuff.

-It's called, uh, security cameras.
-Mm-hmm.

They get your good side here,
don't you think? As you're reaching

into this guy's pocket to steal that
wallet, right there in plain sight,

the footage not lying?

[Julian] Is that it?

Is that it?
What do you mean, is that it?

Me taking a wallet?

-Yeah.
-[Julian scoffs]

Look. Before I thought I'd apply
for this fucking job here...

-[objects clattering]
-I thought that I would, uh,

do a little test on the security,
and guess what I found out?

It sucks shit!
So bad I don't think

I could even fucking work here,
which is unfortunate for you

'cause you could really
use a guy like me, a professional.

Anyway, I thank you for your time.

No, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Let's... let's talk?

Oh. I already have this fucking...

They want me to work over
in this mall in Halifax, okay?

Basically doing
the same thing you're doing:

staring at monitors,
being the big boss man, eating shit,

smoking fucking cigarettes
all day. But that's not me.

You know, I'm the kind of guy
that likes to be out in the field,

taking the bad guys down and putting
them away, making myself feel good.

And just between you and I,

I'm a reformed criminal gone good
and I've made it my life's mission

to put the bad guys down and in jail.

Wish I could've helped you out, man.

W-w-w-w-wait, wait, wait.

[sighing] I'm sorry, okay.

I-I didn't mean to accuse you.

It's just I'm under a lot of stress
and pressure here, right.

I got kids in the food court
throwing subs at me all the time.

I've just been back from
the ashram six months.

Six months and I've already
gained all the weight back,

my wife has moved
into the spare room,

I can't quit smoking,

I got Tweedledum
and Tweedle-dumber

out there with the walkies all day
going, "Gary, come to the food court!"

"Gary, come to administration!"

"Gary, come here!
Gary, come here! Gary, come here!"

Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary!

I can take care
of all of that for you, man.

All of it. I can even help you
get off the fucking butts.

No problem, I'm your fucking guy.

H... h-how?

How do we make that work?

Twenty bucks an hour,
Monday to Friday,

I'm second in command, and when
I am working, I work alone.

You can fucking put those
twat waffles on the weekend.

That's it.

-Come over here, you stupid bastard.
-Fuck off, Marguerite!

-[Marguerite shouting]
-[Bubbles] What the fuck is going on?

-I'm trying to deal with this! Fuck off!
-What the fuck is going on?

-Christ! What is going on?
-Hit me with that fucking broom again,

-I dare you.
-This cock-sucking anti-Christer

son of a bitch has totally trashed
my fucking bathroom!

That's what's happened?
Oh, yeah!

-What are you talking about?
-Be my guest. Go in and take a look!

-Ricky, what did you do?
-Wasn't my fucking fault.

-I nicked the water pipe...
-Oh, Ricky!

Things got a little more complicated.
But I'm going to...

Don't tell me there's water damage,
Ricky!

[Marguerite] Fucking idiot.

Oh, my... Holy fuck!

[Marguerite] Ha! Ha! Grand, isn't it?

Ricky, oh, my God!
Are you joking?

Like I said, it's a little more
complicated now,

-but it's not a big deal...
-Ricky, the bathtub and the toilet,

they're in the kitchen!
Are you kidding me?

Well, they had to go somewhere!
They're not gonna fucking stay here.

It's gonna get dealt with.
So everyone calm the fuck down!

Okay, Marguerite. This is...

This is a major fucking problem, Ricky.

[Ricky]
It's really not as bad as it looks. Okay?

[Bubbles] Oh, my Jesus...
sweet Murphy's tits!

Well, when some fucking idiot
decides to put a stud... like...

it's not 16 fucking inches,
and then they're running pipes

and shit up... What, do they need water up
in the fucking attic?

These people are dumb!

I couldn't find the leak,
so I'm tracing the sink.

Think it would be under the sink.
No! Rip the fucking sink out.

No! It goes around to the fucking tub.
So I rip that out. And under the toilet.

Everything had to fucking come out
in order to fix this properly.

Who the fuck runs fucking pipes...?

[Bubbles] Ricky!

I swear, I'll fix that too.

Who the fuck runs pipes
up here like this?

Oh, my Jesus, Ricky.
Look, Marguerite, calm...

He keeps saying it's not his fault.

-It's not!
-Well, I'm telling you...

Suppose I call the police and we let
them sort out whose fucking fault it is?

Look, Marguerite, I know you're wild,
dear, I know you're wild.

-Yeah.
-I'm gonna give you

two cases of beer right off the bat.
Free.

-Oh...!
-To calm your nerves.

And when I start to drink all that,

where do you suppose
I'm going to piss?

-That's a good point.
-Listen to me right now.

This bathroom looked like shit
when I started.

The little towel rack would have
made it look better, yes, I admit that.

Now it's fucked. I'll fix the whole
thing, I'll do it right,

not like the fuckhead that built this
that didn't do it right.

I'll do it right for 200 bucks.
Brand new bathroom.

200 bucks!
Ricky, what are you talking about?

It's a good deal.

Let me tell you, when all
of that phantasmic work is done,

you can go fucking whistle
for your 200 bucks!

-Fucking loser.
-Just try and stay calm, Marguerite.

-Take a deep breath...
-Hate that fucking guy.

-I'm going to kill him!
-I can't fucking believe, Ricky,

that this started
with a goddamn towel rack!

I know, right?

Anyway, do you think she's gonna
be cool with pissing in a bucket?

She can't piss in a bucket!
She's 82!

Will she piss outside?

Ricky, you figure out
where she's pissing.

She's not pissing outside
like a fucking wild animal.

Well, she might have to piss in your shed
for a few days. I'll let her know. Thanks.

Marguerite? You can piss at Bubbles'
for the next few days.

Uhhh, buh, buh,
buh, buh, buh!

[whistling]

[clattering]

[handle rattling]

Randy.

Hey, Randy, open the door,
the door's locked.

You went too far this time, sir.
You can sleep outside.

Randy...

Hey, listen, Randy,
Randy, Randy!

I-I admit that I...

[slurring] I made a mistake, bud.

I shouldn't have been
listening to the liquor.

It's proof enough, shit, that liquor
doesn't know shit about horses!

Look, Randy.

I don't wanna fight with you, bud,
just open up the door.

Randy, I'll tell you what.

Let me in and...

I'll let you take care
of the money from now on.

You promise, sir?

Yeah, I promise. Cross my heart
and hope to die, Randers.

-All the money?
-All the money.

All of it?

You can take care of it.

And I'll tell you what else I'll do.

I'll give you a nice little
foot massage, Randers.

And I'll, uh...

I'll clean out your belly button

with a nice, soft toothbrush
and some lavender.

[lock clicking]

-Thanks, Randy.
-Okay, Mr. Lahey.

Boop, boop!

[giggling]

Ricky, Mike fucking Holmes couldn't
redo that bathroom for 200 bucks.

-Like, what are you thinking?
-You don't understand, man.

My head's got it mapped out in a way
that I'm still going to come

out of this with 150 bucks profit!
Need to steal a few fucking supplies.

-That's not a bad day's work.
-Ricky! Listen to yourself though.

The whole point of you getting
into business for yourself

is so that you don't have
to break the law anymore.

I'm not.

You just said you're
gonna steal supplies.

Like, stealing is not allowed anymore,
Ricky, that's what I'm saying.

If you wanna turn
your life around,

you make an honest living
being your own boss.

-That's how you do it.
-Boys, check it out!

I got a job at the mall.

I just put in a four-hour shift.
I fucking loved it, man. It was awesome!

A job at the mall?
Doing what?

Oh, Ricky, come on. It's... Look.

He's a cashier, Ricky.

-[giggling]
-I'm a security man.

-That's amazing!
-Yeah, man.

You've got a real job.
You're a working man!

-[Julian] Damn rights, buddy.
-Unbelievable. I'm proud of you, Julian.

I'm very proud of you.

Very proud. Ricky...

Ricky got a legit job today too.

No way. Doing what, carpentry?

How the fuck did you know that?

Ricky, I'm proud of you too.

-Get in here.
-Get over here, man.

-Get in here!
-Are you kidding me?

-Huggie wuggies time.
-All right, buddy!

[Cory] Aw, dudes,
I love hugs!

Look, man.

Fucking hero, dude,
I found one.

But the rest are all broken.
What should I do?

Maybe, Cory, maybe
you should go down

and fucking ram them
in your stupid piss-hole.

-[Ricky laughing]
-Why don't you do that?

Cory, go clean up
the fucking bottles! Go!

Don't ruin beautiful moments, Cory!

Fuck's sakes!

[sighing] Get back in here!

I'm not giving up on my hugs.

-[giggling]
-Right on, boys.

My two best friends
making an honest living.

Right, Ricky?

-Right, Bubs.
-Honest.

-Right on, man.
-Boys... if I was a kitty,

you guys'd both need earplugs right now,
I'd be purring so loud!

[giggling]

[purring]

[theme music]

[seagulls squawking]

[fish] Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...

Fuck off! Jesus Christ!

[whispering]
Fuck.

-[light clicks off]
-Fuck off.