Totally Spies! (2001–2014): Season 1, Episode 1 - A Thing for Musicians - full transcript

♪ Here we go,
we're getting on the road till we stop ♪

♪ And then we'll shop ♪

♪ So one, two, three now, baby,
here we go, go, go ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ On a mission undercover
and we're in control ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ We're Totally Spies
so get on with the show ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

(traffic noise in background)

(pop music)



Who is this Ricky Mathis chump, anyway?

I don't know,
but his fans sure seem to like him.

We can't keep his lame,
pretty boy single on the shelf.

(beep)

(banging and screaming)

(fans scream)

CLOVER: Sammy, could I borrow
your cashmere belly sweater tomorrow?

Sure. Sure!
That's what best friends are for!

Hey, what about me?

Don't be crazy, Alex.

We can't wear Sam's sweater
at the same time. We'll stretch it out!

No, Clover I meant...
Aren't I your best friend, too?

(sighs)

Well, of course you are, silly.



And that's why I'm gonna borrow your
leopard print sandals tomorrow! (gasps)

(guitar strumming)

Clover, what is it? What's wrong?

(lightning cracks)

Yeah, what's with all the drool?

I think... I think I'm in love!

Must find out who he is...

(guitar strumming)

Hi. I'm Clover.

Is it me, or does Clover fall in love

more often than Mandy
maxes out her credit card?

What do you say we go out after school?
I'll let you buy me a non-fat latte!

You will? OK.

(lightning cracks)

Sorry, Clover.

Damon's already got plans after school.
He's going to the mall with yours truly.

Oh, yeah. That's right... The mall.

(sirens)

Well, no big deal.

I was only trying to do him a favor
cos he's new around here.

Hmm!

SAM AND ALEX: Clover!

Don't worry, Clover, I'll buy you
a non-fat latte after school.

Besides, wouldn't you rather hang out
with us than some dim-witted musician?

Yeah, I guess so. Only...
I just can't help liking Damon.

Call me crazy, but I just have
this thing for musicians!

I've got to find a way to get his
attention off of Mandy and on to me!

(all scream)

(screaming continues)

Is it me or do our missions only occur
during times of major personal crisis?!

(all shriek)

Well, so nice of you girls to drop in.

Nice for some of us.

ALEX: Ricky Mathis. Never heard of him.

JERRY: That's because
he's an overnight musical sensation.

In fact, as of today,
he's only released one single

the optimistically titled Rock Legend.

Which makes it even more unsettling

there have been similar
occurrences around the globe.

Something's up,
we're just not sure what.

So, where do we fit in?

Your mission is to go undercover
as the opening act on his world tour

and find out exactly what it is
about Ricky Mathis

that's making his fans so... fanatical.

You mean we get to be in a real band?!

A real pretend one.

This is so perfect!

When Damon finds out,
he'll toss Mandy like a day-old muffin

and come running straight to me!

He'll see me as his musical equal!
I'll be irresistible!

Now, all we need is a name.

Actually, ladies, we've already
taken care of your name.

CLOVER: We're called The Spies?
That is so lame.

ALEX: Yeah. Totally unimaginative.

- It was my idea.
- GIRLS: Oh!

Hey, look at these cool instruments!

(rock music)

(music ends)

Perhaps now isn't the best time
for you to er... practice.

Now. Where were we?

- The drop is ready, sir.
- Oh, yes, the gear.

This week you'll be utilizing
the Expandable Cable bungee belt,

the Wind Tunnel 3,000
Tornado Blast hairdryer,

the Suctioncup Bottomed go-go boots,
the Ultra-sensitive earring microphone,

and, my personal favorite, UPWATI.

Upwhaty?

No, no, not upwhaty, UPWATI.

Underwater power-walking apparatus
that's inconspicuous.

JERRY: Now, goodbye
and good luck, ladies.

Or, as they say in show biz,
break a leg.

(all scream)

Wow, look! We have fans already!

(Clover screams)

- GIRL: You're not Ricky!
- BOY: That's not him!

Wow. I guess Ricky Mathis is popular.

GIRLS: Wow!

I can't wait to tell Damon about this.
He'll be so impressed with me!

Is that all she thinks about?

- DAMON:Hello?
- Hi, Damon. It's Clover.

Just thought I'd call to see
what's happening stateside.

I don't know what's going on stateside,
but I'm hanging out at the mall.

So, what's up with you, Clover?

Oh, the usual.

My band, The Spies,
is touring with Ricky Mathis.

We're hanging out at our extravagant and
glamorous hotel in London right now.

Whoa! You're on tour with Ricky Mathis?
I had no idea you were even in a band.

Oh, yeah. I'm quite
an accomplished guitar...erist.

Wow! Awesome.

Hey! Maybe when you get back we can
get together and jam or something.

I could probably
squeeze you in next week.

I'll let you know. Bye.

You must be The Spies.

Spies, that's ridiculous!
Who told you we were spies?

Yes, that's us, The Spies. We rock.

Well, I am Phil Jenkins,
the tour manager.

Ricky's very anxious to meet you.

What do you say we
head up to the penthouse?

(guitar strumming)

- CLOVER: Great song.
- Thanks. I just wrote it.

We're scheduled to record Ricky's
new song tomorrow morning.

I'm sure it'll be his next big hit.

We're sure it will be too.

We're thrilled to be touring
with such a great musical talent.

The feeling's mutual.
I just adore your early work.

- We have early work?
- Shh!

You should come to the recording studio
and hang out, it'll be a blast!

Sorry, Ricky, your recording sessions
are strictly off limits.

Sounds like fun! We'd love to go!

Great.

OK, everybody, we don't want
to keep those hungry fans waiting.

Ooopsie.

Hmm!

That's weird, since when do CDs glow?

So, besides the fact that he has
totally crazed fans and glowing CDs,

Ricky seems pretty normal to me.

Ouch!

CROWD: Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!

Well, here goes nothing.
You ready, Clover?

SAM: Clover? You're not supposed
to be listening to music,

you're supposed to be playing it!

Besides, I took Ricky's CD for evidence.

Too bad, cos I totally dig it.
It's really... infectious.

(cheering)

Wow!

(rock music)

Hey, we sound great!

Yeah, that's because
the music's pre-recorded!

In case you haven't noticed,
none of us are singing

and your guitars aren't even
hooked up to amplifiers!

(cheering)

I guess they won't be wanting an encore.

RICKY: Nice job lip-synching.
Took me forever to get it right.

You lip-synch, Ricky?

I don't like to,
but Phil insists that I don't sing live.

I guess I can't argue with success.

(cheering)

ALEX: So much for the theory
about Ricky being normal.

The guy doesn't even sing!

It's not the only thing
that isn't normal.

Check that out, girls.

SAM: What do you say
we grab a spies-eye view?

ALEX: Good idea.

Clover, you coming?

Are you crazy?
I've got a killer view right here.

It's Spy time!

(cheering)

PHIL: Yeah, Mr Sebastian, everything is
a go for tomorrow's recording session.

I've prepared the special lyrics.

Unfortunately, Ricky invited those
pesky Spies to come along.

We'll have to keep tight security. Huh?

Oh! Hey, hey, girls! What's wrong?
Aren't you having fun?

Hey, I think I've gone deaf.

Actually, the booth is soundproof.

The noise night after night
gives me a headache.

I prefer just to watch.

(lightning cracks)

SAM: So, let's review,

Ricky's fans are nuts,

his CDs glow, he doesn't sing,

and his manager sits in
a soundproof booth during his shows.

Getting freaky.
What do you think, Clover?

I think Ricky was incredible!
I mean, he's so talented.

I could just listen to him all night...

- CLOVER: Must hear Ricky.
- SAM AND ALEX: Wow!

OK. This is weird.
Maybe we should check it out with...

ALEX AND SAM: Jerry?!

Hello, ladies. I hope rock stardom
hasn't gone to your heads.

It hasn't so far but if we keep getting
showered with roses, it might.

Oh, those...
They were sent by one Damon Reynolds.

Hey, Clover, the flowers are for you!
Damon sent them!

Please. Now I'm involved with Ricky,
I'm, like, so over Damon!

Oh man, how deluded can you get?
Not to mention fickle.

So, anyway, Jerry,

what can you tell us about
a Mr Sebastian?

Says here he's the owner of
Ricky Mathis' record label.

Apparently, he used to be quite
the successful guitar player

before he lost his arm in
a freak pyrotechnics accident.

(all scream)

Now he's an eccentric recluse producer

who lives on a remote island
off the coast of Brazuela.

- Ricky!
- So...

RICKY: Who's ready to go to
my recording studio in Brazuela?

Wow!

SAM: I wonder what was up with
that strange radio tower thing

being strapped to the yacht?

ALEX: Ricky says it's so they can
broadcast the concert live.

SAM: I don't buy it. Since when do you
need guards to watch a satellite dish?

ALEX: This is definitely the creepiest
recording studio I've ever seen.

(guitar strumming)

That was great, Ricky.

CLOVER:Yeah, it was totally excellent!

(Alex and Sam groan)

Now, why don't we lay down the lyrics?

RICKY:"I'm Ricky and I'm your master.
Follow me as I spread disaster."

"Take over the government, do as I say.
I'll rule the world and you'll obey."

Phil, I sort of didn't intend
for the new song to be so... aggressive.

What happened to the lyrics I wrote?

Ricky, trust me, I know what I'm doing.

These new lyrics will give your song
that hip, edgy feel

the kids are so wild about these days.

OK, I'd say those definitely fall
under the special-lyrics category.

All the lyrics Ricky sings are special.

Maybe we should take this opportunity
to do a little spying.

I'm right behind ya.

(whispers) I just love it
when fashion has a purpose.

(gasps)

(both gasp)

The secret laboratory's
got to be around here somewhere.

(Alex screams)

Nice work, Alex.

ALEX: Yeah. Anytime.

The new Ricky single is all finished.

MR. SEBASTIAN: Excellent.

SCIENTIST: The frequency
has been successfully added.

Good! Now let's see
the effects firsthand.

I take it the guy with
the scary hook is Sebastian.

And I take it he doesn't
play guitar much these days.

Have a seat. We want to know
what you think of this new song.

(music)

You're Ricky and you're my master.
I'll follow you as you spread disaster.

Take over the government, do as you say.
You'll rule the world and I'll obey.

You're dismissed.

You're Ricky and you're my master.
I'll follow you as you spread disaster

Did you see that? It's like...

It's like Ricky's song hypnotized
that guy or something!

The frequency they were talking about

must be a subliminal
mind control device.

That would explain why Clover's
been acting so crazy!

- Huh?
- Think about it.

Ricky's first song, Rock Legend,

is about rock star worship
and what does it do?

It hypnotizes listeners
into worshipping him!

They do whatever
the lyrics tell them to!

So that means,
if Ricky performs at the concert

the fans will do
whatever the lyrics say!

(screams)

Security! We have intruders!

(both scream)

ALEX AND SAM: Run!

Nice gadget. What was that,
a portable high viscosity oil canon?

That was no gadget,
that was my favorite mousse!

Expensive, too.

You're Ricky and you're my master.

Quick! We can scale down the wall!

(both groan)

So, The Spies are really... spies.

How totally lame and unimaginative.

Don't blame us. Jerry thought of it.

Unfortunately, you'll never have
a chance to report what you've learned

because in approximately 20 seconds,

the only thing you'll be interested in
will be the worshipping of Ricky Mathis.

Which means that tonight you won't mind

when I jam all the radio, TV,
and Internet signals around the globe.

Nor will it bother you when
I take control of the world

with my newly-hypnotized slaves,
because you'll be two of them.

Enjoy your last moments of free will.

(buzzing)

(evil laughter)

(pop music)

Great. Now what are we gonna do?

We can use those to get out!

(groans)

No. Not like that.

(rock music)

Wow, this UPWATI is really great.

Upwhaty?

Don't start that again!

SAM: Now let's get to the concert
before it's too late.

ALEX: I'm getting really sick
of this salt water.

It totally frizzes my hair.

CROWD: Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!

Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!

(chanting continues)

ALEX: Psst! Ricky!

What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be out there playing.

Well, we would be, except your
good friends Phil and Sebastian

decided to lock us in a recording booth

and use a hypnotic version of your new
song to try and turn us into zombies!

Alex, fill him in.
I've get to get to that radio tower!

Now, let's go watch the fireworks!

OK! How the heck am I
gonna stop the broadcast?

Sebastian planned on using my music
to take over some government?

Actually, he planned on using you
to rule the world.

Weren't you paying attention?

There he is!

(fans scream)

MR SEBASTIAN: Where's Ricky?
He should be playing by now.

This crowd is ready to start a riot.

PHIL: We can't wait.
I'll start the music by remote.

CROWD: Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!
Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!

CROWD:
You are Ricky and you're our master.

Oh, no!

(fans yell)

- RICKY: What do we do now?
- Looks like the only way out is up!

What the...?

That's it! Time to get rid of those
annoying spies once and for all.

(pop music)

What's going on here?

Somehow we've picked up
the signal of Ricky's recording.

That's not supposed to happen!
Quick, turn the monitors off.

No, don't shut them off.

Ricky's music is so... wonderful.

(groans)

BOTH: You're Ricky
and you're our master.

You're Ricky and you're our master.

CROWD: You're Ricky
and you're our master.

(yelling)

Don't worry, girls,
we'll take over from here.

BOTH: You're Ricky
and you're our master...

You're Ricky and you're our...

Gee. Thanks, Jerry,
and not a minute too soon.

These vicious criminals
were just about to force Ricky

to autograph their concert T-shirts.

CLOVER: I can't believe
I fell for Ricky Mathis.

I'm, like, so embarrassed.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
You weren't thinking straight.

SAM: Luckily the effects
of the music wore off

and you're not a zombie groupie anymore.

Hey! Clover, you're back!
Did you get my flowers?

Yeah, I got them.

So, I was thinking,
maybe we could get together

and you could tell me about
your tour with Ricky Mathis.

Sorry, Damon. After the tour experience,
I'm like, so over musicians.

(crow caws)

I'm so proud of you, Clover.

Yeah, you've finally
come to your senses.

I just decided it's really dumb

to fall for every guy
with a guitar in his hands.

Excuse me, can anyone tell me
where the music room is?

I'm new and I'm kinda lost.

I'd be happy to take you
to the music room.

I guess this means
she's back into musicians.

Something tells me
she never got over them.

CLOVER: If you don't have lunch plans,

you can buy me a non-fat latte
and I'll give you a tour of the school!