Top Gear (2002–…): Season 32, Episode 1 - Episode #32.1 - full transcript
Paddy, Chris & Freddie take a road trip across Florida in an ancient camper van (SUV) and take part in a series of unusual vehicle races.
Hello and welcome to Top Gear!
We're back!
It's a brand-new series
and it's a very important one,
because this is a big year
for the Beeb.
It is. 2022 is the centenary.
100 years of the BBC.
Go on, the Beeb!
Go on, the Beeb.
100 not out -
now, that's a big innings,
but we've got the weight of history
on our shoulders, boys.
We have indeed, Fred.
Did you see that trailer
they put out?
All the greatest moments
of the BBC
from all over the years -
Attenborough, Strictly,
Line Of Duty.
It was spine-tingling stuff.
Were we in it?
No, we weren't.
But don't worry,
because we've put
our very own trailer together.
Forget 100 years of history -
here's what we've got coming up
over the next few weeks.
Open the taps, Christopher.
See what she can do.
Oh, my Lord, it's fast.
Spin it, Fred!
Yes!
Where does that jumper start
and stop, and your chin finish?
Right, stop there.
I have turned a Sinclair C5
into a bobsled.
This is the one now - 12 into 13.
This looks terrifying.
Oh, my God!
Ohh-ohh...
Feels good!
Man, this is such a rush!
Go on, we're there!
Go on, Chris!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Ohh!
That's my theme tune right here!
Look at me - when I grab hold
of that, do not pull it!
Have you got it? Yeah.
Oh... *bleep*!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Howzat?
All that to come,
but tonight, we're kicking off
by talking about motorsport.
Isn't that right, Fred?
That's right, Pad.
Because see here at Top Gear,
we love a bit of racing.
But if we're being honest,
we've not had much success.
We? It's you two. Not fair.
Formula Off Road, Baja, the GT Cup -
barely ever a finish,
definitely no silverware.
But we reckon the problem isn't us,
it's just we haven't found
the right race yet.
Exactly. There's got to be
something we're good at.
So, the producers said, "Fine.
"You want to fail at a load
more motorsports? Go ahead."
And they packed us off
to a corner of the world
that just loves
a bit of wacky racing -
Florida!
Welcome to the sun-soaked
seaside playground that is Miami.
# Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga... #
Oh, yes. For a mission
to find a motorsport
we were actually good at,
there were definitely worse places
to kick off from.
Miami, baby!
Tell you what,
it's all right, this, in't it?
Here to conquer
the world of motorsport
and get a tan at the same time,
Patrick! Oh, all over it!
Miami, Monaco...
..Morecambe.
It doesn't matter, boys,
because we're going racing.
Oh-oh!
Yes, we were.
And because
any professional race team
needs a slick, sophisticated way
of getting to the paddock,
I'd taken the liberty of sorting out
a proper F1-inspired team bus.
What is that?
I'm glad you asked.
This, my friends,
is the Holiday Rambler
Aluma Lite XL.
Wow.
35ft of driving pleasure.
Ignore that. Right, let me talk you
through the old girl.
Ignore that?
Where have you got this from?
Is that wee coming out of there?
What's that?
Ignore that. Come round this side.
Come on in!
Here we go.
Fred, this feels like a crime scene.
Eh? Now, let me just talk you
through it.
Living area.
Driving area. Yeah.
Dining table and...
You're going to love this, you two.
..your beds.
The kitchen turns into a bedroom.
You've got all this to yourselves,
you two. Ohh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I've looked after you!
Who gets the master suite, then?
Finders keepers.
And anyhow, the boys were about to
get a little treat of their own -
two front-row seats on the Rambler's
maiden voyage down Ocean Drive.
Ocean Drive
by Lighthouse Family
# We'll live on Ocean Drive
# Don't know why
# You're so blue
So blue
# The sun's gonna shine
on everything you do... #
# And the sky... #
Whoa!
Oh, lively, Chris, innit?
I tell you what, Pad, you've chosen
a beauty. She drives straight.
Thank you. A lot of power.
Eh - 7.4-litre V8... 7.4?
7.4 V8, big block, straight
out of a Corvette Stingray.
It's got more grunt
than it's got brakes.
So, we've got the idea that
we're going racing,
we've got our team,
we've got our team truck.
Race team. Now what we need is...
..team captain.
What are you thinking?
Well, we've got
an obvious candidate.
Which one of the three of us
has captained
an international England side?
I understand why
you're plumping for me,
but the captaincy...
Don't think of yourself
as a captain. Think of yourself
more of a sacrificial lamb.
Oh, my word.
Hands up Flintoff captain.
Hands up Flintoff not captain.
Outvoted. Get your arm down!
Miami, baby!
Here we go, road trip!
Open the taps, Christopher.
See what she can do.
Listen to that V8!
Do you know what, Paddy?
It's not what I expected, this RV,
but it's perfect. Thank you.
'80s Americana.
What's that flapping about, Chris?
What's that noise?
That's that window...
Windscreen rubber.
Do you know what I like about
these '80s motors, like this?
They're proper. You get in and go,
"That's comfortable."
They did know how to make comfort.
I feel like Captain Kirk on the...
Is it the SS Enterprise?
Do you mean Kirk or Cook?
Kirk. Captain Kirk.
The one that sailed a boat
or the one that had a starship?
Captain Kirk.
In the middle on the starship,
sat in the seat...
The one that discovered
Botany Bay in Australia?
..weighing it all up.
That's near Chorley, that...
It is, yeah...Botany Bay!
At the risk of rambling
too far off brief,
it was just as well
that the first pit stop on
our motorsport map of Florida
was located just up the coast
at the Palm Beach
International Raceway...
Oh, Chris!
Wa-hey, boys, here we are!
..where we'd been told to get
stuck in to something called...
..donk racing.
It started on the streets
of Miami back in the late '80s,
taking the head-to-head, high-stakes
world of illegal drag racing...
..and giving it
a uniquely outlandish edge.
Donk racing has become so popular
that it's now a fully legalised
official motorsport.
A motorsport driven by a love of
big old '70s Chevrolet barges,
modified with huge horsepower
and simply enormous wheels.
Oh, look at this!
Look at these things, Pad.
Are you all right, lads?
Some of the paint jobs
are unbelievable. Look at that!
Spinners!
Yay! Love a spinner!
How big are them wheels, Chris?
What size?
26.
Imagine if you hit a British pothole
in that. Wow!
This is proper Americana, though,
innit?
Noise! Power! That's what we want!
We weren't just here to spectate,
though.
We'd been invited to compete.
So, to see about some cars,
we tracked down
the big boss himself -
Sage Thomas...
How are you? What's up? What's up?
..otherwise known as...
How are you, boss?
..the Donkmaster.
Welcome to America, men.
So, what's donking?
It's donk racing.
What we have here is the
National Donk Racing Association.
You act a donkey in a donk.
You see how flamboyant it is
and shiny it is.
No, you've lost me. What?
You act a donkey.
You act like a donkey.
You got to be wild!
So, a middleweight donk
has speakers, AC,
cruise control,
all this kind of stuff.
But it has to have that?
Yes, it has to have that.
And it has to have the 26-inch
wheels that you see here.
They call this one Gold Digger.
One question.
How big is the engine in this?
- Seven litres.
- Seven litres?
This car here, it makes over
900 horsepower to the rear tyres.
So 0 to 60 - how fast would that be?
This'd go to 60mph
in under two seconds.
These can run about 150mph
in a quarter mile.
That's outrageous! Absolutely.
And better still, the Donkmaster
had been kind enough to
line one up for each of us.
This is a bit of me.
Is that you? That's me!
Chris? That one.
I'll go Gold Digger.
Have they all got the same power?
Nah. So, this one makes about
1,000 horsepower,
so you picked the right one.
That's what I want to tell you.
You ready for training?
Yes! Here we go.
1,000 horsepower.
In a straight line.
That's where he's worst - straight
line. It's where he's at his worst.
Suddenly very aware
that all that horsepower
sat inside someone
else's pride and joy,
before hitting the track,
we took a couple of minutes
to have a quick pootle around
the car park...
Whoa! That has just got
a mind of its own!
..which, unfortunately, was all the
time Harris needed in HIS donk...
..to kill it.
That broke.
That's gone.
So, that went well!?
The first time
I put the throttle down...
Oh, dear.
..the diff went bang.
Oh, no! And now this is the bit
that I don't like.
This is the bit... Racing driver...
Well done!
Pro driver! What happened, Chris?
You pair of...
Am I not allowed to say anything?
Go on, then.
Um...
FREDDIE CHEERS
Suffice to say, with
the competition already under way...
..I would now have to share a donk
with Fred
who, as team captain, had
bravely volunteered to run first
and show the locals
what we were made of.
Thank you! Thank you! Thanks, lads.
Thanks for popping in.
Thanks for coming.
I'm feeling quite nervous
for him here.
I'm up against it here.
I'm up against a bloke who does it
every day of the week.
My main concern -
not hitting a wall.
Keep it straight. Keep it straight!
The Donkmaster's telling me
to keep it straight.
That's what I'm thinking. Yeah.
That's what I'm thinking.
Let's go. Let's go.
Light on the throttle.
Just...rrr-rrr! Mmm.
It's one of the most ridiculous
sights I've ever seen!
Come on, Fred! Take this fella.
Oh... Oh-oh. Oh, God.
Oh, you... *bleep*!
It spun out.
Ohh!
Ah.
THEY LAUGH
What is he doing?
Who do you think won?
That was no good. No good.
Hell, when he went sideways,
my heart was beating.
LAUGHTER
I went at it too hard.
I wanted to go
and then was just too keen.
At what point did you realise
you were doing an 80mph burn-out?
I was enjoying it for a minute
and then I started seeing the wall.
Hey, there was a bit, it went
like that and we all went, "Ooh!"
Paddy, I'm here. I know.
You came second. You're allowed
to these days. You came second,
Where am I going here, now, then?
Uh... Am I reversing out?
Just go sideways up there
for 100 yards.
So, the captain was out,
and our American racing debut
was off to a rocky start.
Well done, sir.
I owe you $20.
Let me tell you, the guy who owns
this car, his ass, about this big.
Was he not happy?
Listen, you were hanging the wall.
No, I was all right with it. OK.
But for the next race,
me and Harris had been drawn
against each other
which meant, as long as
we kept our noses clean,
at least one of us would be
through to the next round.
Woo! Yeah!
Come on, boys.
Ohh!
Oh-ho-ho! Whoo!
Ohh! Chrissy Harris!
Woo! That's fast!
Woo! I think we might have
beaten him!
Paddy!
That is outrageous!
Man, that donking's visceral.
Beating McGuinness had sent Harris
straight into the quarterfinals.
Win the next round, and we'd be
in with a shot at the podium.
The only problem was,
his next opponent...
..would be the Donkmaster himself.
The Donkmaster's car has a
parachute on the back of it.
I think you have to be
going quite fast
to require the services
of a parachute to stop.
Go on, Chrissy!
Shall we have a bet on him?
Who, the Donkmaster?
Yeah, of course.
Come on! Come on!
No idea what I'm doing at all.
Who do we come for for bets?
We're on the Donkmaster.
Who are you going on?
On the Gold Digger right here.
100? Ooh! Ooh!
Come on, the Donkmaster!
Oh, good luck, Chris.
Chris, good on you, son.
Good luck, Chris!
Good luck, Chris!
That's lovely!
Here we go, here we go!
Come on, Chris! Come on!
I think I cheated.
He's cheating,
he's gone at red light.
There he goes!
He didn't beat me by that much.
Woo! Ohh!
Have we won? Yeah.
Just clap.
Oh, no... I'll get dinner.
Oh, Chris, good effort, that.
Unlucky, Chris.
Well done. That was amazing.
But I jumped the start so
I was disqualified before I started.
But you had to try. Looked good,
though. You looked amazing.
It was like the Bristol Donker...
Look, we won!
Shh! Not now.
Donkmaster won! Not now.
Thank you. Thank you.
So, our team spirit
needed some work.
And retreating back to
the Holiday Rambler,
it was time to conclude that
when it comes to donk racing,
we probably made better
spectators than competitors.
I were catching him at the end.
No, you weren't.
You nearly had me, Pad.
If it had gone on for another
six miles, you'd have caught me.
No, I reckon about another four.
Joking aside,
I think, for our first attempt
at something,
we all got through it in one piece.
Job's a good 'un.
That was a result. Job's a good 'un.
And we won $100, didn't we, Pad?
$100. Yes, we did.
Time to set our sights
on our next race...
..taking place the following morning
over on Florida's west coast.
To reach it, we'd be crossing
the enormous tropical wilderness
of the Everglades...
..which, in a highly
reliable vehicle,
driven by a highly skilled driver,
would be no problem at all.
Hang on, it just keeps...
It's cut out.
Have you got any power now? No.
None. Freewheeling.
What have you done to it?
I haven't...
You've been in it two minutes,
you've broken it.
Exactly. You've had it
for an hour-and-a-half...
No, no. It was absolutely fine.
Was it fine when I was driving?
Don't bring me into this.
Was it fine when I was driving?
Don't bring me into this squabble.
Are you scared of his physicality?
I'm having a nice time.
Do you know what
you're forgetting here?
I'm captain. OK. All right?
I'm beginning to understand
why it didn't work for you, Andrew.
You going to have a look
at the engine, Chris?
For what good it'll do!
Oh, there he goes. Oh, here we go.
Ohh, lovely.
Flaming heck!
Turn it off, turn it off.
I've got no hairs on me legs!
My God! What are you doing?
What are you going to do with that
now? The heat! It's hot.
Get that open.
Ooh, pristine, that, innit?
That looks lovely.
There's nothing wrong with that
at all.
No, spotless.
Put the lid back on it.
Bit of throttle.
Bit more.
Not a lot of fuel there, Fred.
Have you not filled it up?
What do you mean, I didn't fill it
up? You've handed it to me empty.
Fuel gauge says full. Give it a...
What are you doing now? It's broken.
Put the fan cover back on.
You've been driving it
and you've not filled it up.
You've handed it over empty.
Let's just go and get
some petrol, for God's sake!
Since neither of the two clowns
had considered
a 7.2-litre V8 might
at some point need a top-up,
we limped along to
the next petrol station,
and soon had the Rambler
fully brimmed, back on track
and ready to head
straight into the Everglades...
..also known as alligator country.
That's Gatorsville in there, innit?
How much to swim across that?
$100.
I can't see... What's that
over there? Where?
There's something over there. Where?
On the other side of the river.
Where are you looking? Over there!
Oh, it's a heron.
Truth be told, the further
we rolled across the Everglades,
the more it looked like
the so-called alligator country
was missing a crucial ingredient.
Well, we've been in gator country
for several hours now
and I've not seen a sniff.
I've seen a heron,
both alive and dead.
We've seen vultures.
Snake! Snake! Is that a snake on the
ground there? Where? Where? Where?
What's that dead there? That?
THUD
That's a branch, Chris. Well done!
But the day was wearing on,
and it turned out the overnight
campsite we were booked at
was a bit more...
..rural.
Watch out on that tree.
Jesus!
Slow it down round here.
Yeah. Let's have a look.
Got to be summat.
There's one! Where? Where?
There, there, there, there!
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey. Hey!
Look at that lad.
Tell you what, it's bigger
than you think, that.
How big is that? Five foot?
No, it's bigger.
Is it? It's bigger than you think.
When it comes out of th'watter...
Can you speak in...?
"When it comes out of th'watter..."?
They live in water.
Whoa, Jesus Christ!
Look at this lad here!
Look at the size of this one!
In here!
Look at this! Crikey, he's large.
Oh, my God, this lad here!
Right here, Fred.
That's what I was looking at,
that one.
Flintoff, what are you doing?
That's it, Fred.
Just open the door, invite him in.
I'm straight in if he comes.
Tell you what, they go quick, Fred.
Do they? They come out quick, my
friend. Is that more than 6'1"?
That's a big lad.
Look, there's one there!
Oh, he's gone.
Oh, where's he going now?
With that in mind, we decided to get
to our campsite before nightfall.
So, we saddled back up...
..and hurried on deeper
into the wild.
Oh, no.
Fred?
Right, Andrew...
Chris, I'm doing 20mph.
That is your first official warning.
I'm doing 20mph.
Andrew!
And thanks to Flintoff,
we were soon rumbling up to
the slightly unnervingly named
Trail Lakes Camp Ground.
So, we're camping at a place
with lakes full of alligators.
That's the one.
Keep that Labrador on a lead.
That's lunch!
Imagine bringing your kids here.
What you've got to do...
Apparently, their eyes are like
cats' eyes, they're reflective.
There's seriously alligators
in that? Yeah.
Proper big ones? Big 'uns.
Why would you want to camp
by a load of alligators?
Why are we doing that?
A bit of fun, innit?
We enjoyed the RV. Enjoyed it.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Hey! And come on,
what do you reckon?
I know we've had
a few little technicals today.
It has done us proud.
Done us proud, hasn't it?
It's comfy. Extremely comfy.
I'm slightly nervous about
the sleeping situation.
You don't have to be. I've told you.
Master bedroom - that's mine.
Dining table - that's you.
Couch - that's you.
I'm not sleeping with him.
You're not sleeping with him.
He's in the dining room.
Have you seen how long he is?
It's the same room.
Why am I going to sleep on
a dining table or a couch?
You're on the couch. It pulls out.
Don't think of it as a couch, Fred.
Are you naked or are
you a pyjamas man?
Absolutely in the buff, mate. Sorry?
The next morning, we were
back on the dusty trail
where, having decided
we'd missed a trick
on the previous day's drive
through Miami,
McGuinness had generously opened up
his holiday wardrobe.
What do you think
of the outfit, boys, eh?
Miami Vice!
Have I pulled it out the bag
or what?
Not in Miami, Pad. You what?
We're not in Miami. Where are we?
Naples.
Near enough, innit?
Naples, baby!
How many days more of this
are there?
At least one, because we'd been
told our next motorsport test
could be found somewhere
in the nearby marshes.
And, so far, tracking it down
in the RV hadn't been easy.
Here you are, Chris,
what's this coming up here?
Whoa, whoa, Pad,
we've missed our turn, I think.
What? Down there.
How do you know that were it? Were
it signposted? Just listen to me.
Oh! Ohh! OK.
Don't worry.
I'll spin it round down here.
I don't want to get us stuck, lads.
I don't want to get us stuck. Nose
down there and go back in there.
I reckon you could drive
just round...
There she goes.
Oh... Don't worry.
Ohh!
We'll have a little run into it now.
This is perfection. Oh, my word.
And we are...
No, we're not.
Oh, dear, we might be.
I cannot believe
you've gone into wet sand!
We're in the middle...
We are in the middle of nowhere
dressed like three clowns...
On private land!
..on private land, where we're
going to get shot.
After a phone call to the nearby
race venue, wherever it was,
we were told someone had been
sent out to look for us...
..which left plenty of time for
a little more hopeless digging.
No. No, no, throw more power at it.
That'll help.
Shut up a minute. Shut up a minute.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear, Patrick.
And once we were
well and truly stuck...
Gino D'Acampo don't have this
problem with Gordon Ramsay.
..we decided to pass
the time some more
by settling down to a
friendly game of cards...
Play snap.
Snap it is!
Is that what we're playing?
..although, if you'd like
to play along at home,
we do not recommend
our optional house rule.
Snap! Whoa!
That's a nine and a seven!
Right, because you went early...
Yeah.
..you've got to let us give you one
of them on t'face.
Ow! That was a punch!
What about mine? Yeah, go on.
So you don't do that!
I'm taking me glasses off!
Ohh! He's out. He's out.
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ow! Ow!
Sadly, there was no time
for another round,
because the very American cavalry
had arrived.
Ha! One thing I will say,
I don't think it'll struggle
pulling us out. Look at it!
All it took now...
Oh, that's lovely.
..was a bit of good
old-fashioned teamwork
to get us hitched up...
You comfy in there?
I'm being the pilot.
I'm going to drive us
out of this thing.
..and a bit of good
old-fashioned horsepower...
Paddy? Yeah.
..to get us out.
Yes, boss!
Done well!
How deep? Such a helmet.
With the Rambler finally
back on track,
it was time to do the same
with our motorsport adventure.
And for our next taste
of Florida's unique take on racing,
we soon found ourselves arriving
at what could only be described...
..as a swamp.
Look at this, lads.
Oh! Oh! Swamp buggy racing!
Oh, that'd be fun. That'd be good.
Oh, hello! Good Lord.
Swamp buggy racing,
as you can probably tell...
..sits firmly in
the specialist interest corner
of the racing community.
In fact, it is so specialist
that this is the only place
in the world that does it.
70 years of competition has seen
traditional Everglades
water transport
evolve into bespoke
high-performance machines
that generate up to
1,000 horsepower...
..and hit speeds of up to 80mph...
..on muddy water.
Fantastic!
Are we still happy
with the garments?
Hey, how cool do we look?
All we need is an explosion
behind us now as we walk off.
Look at these things. Look at 'em!
I've never seen anything like 'em.
And we were just in time to see how
the seasoned pros wade into battle.
Are you ready to see
some swamp buggy racing?
Let's go swamping!
Look at the state...!
Look at this thing.
Good God! Why would you
want to be strapped into it?
Here we go!
That's a tsunami!
Whoa!
I've never seen anything
like this in my life.
Can you smell how angry they are?
Oh, he's took a bit of the bike!
Wow.
Yay!
Wowsers. Hey, guys. What do you
think of swamp buggy racing?
That's outrageous! That is mega.
What's the origins of it?
It's over 70 years of doing this?
Yeah. It started off
as hunting buggies
out of necessity to get into
the swamp and hunt for food,
and naturally, one guy's like,
"I'm going to get to camp
before you get there."
And they raced to camp. I love that.
Next thing you know...
That's how it all starts.
Can I just check, have we done
an alligator scan of the water?
Yeah. Are we alligator-free? Yeah.
Well, we scanned it. We didn't
say it was free of alligators.
Do you race and there are sometimes
alligators in there? Oh, yeah.
There's one that lives under...
If you're an alligator
and one of them comes towards you,
you're out of there.
He usually stays hidden
in his hole. Usually.
And with that, it was time
to get ready for the race...
Come on, guys.
Let's get you into the buggies.
Here we go. They're over there.
..where, presumably, with
our reputation at donk racing
preceding us,
it turned out we wouldn't be
competing in the top-level buggies
that the pros drive.
Instead, we'd be cutting our teeth
on something rather more...
..agricultural.
Yes, swamp buggy racers
begin their careers
in clapped-out,
jacked-up old Jeeps...
Look at these things. Look at 'em.
I'm not sure about this.
..complete with about
150 horsepower...
Let's race.
..and no brakes.
Look at his...!
I forgot you don't brake. I forgot!
Has he crashed into him?
What on earth are you doing?
The race itself would see
seven buggies competing
in a one-lap dash,
with the top three finishers
taking home silverware.
Here we go.
Seven cars in the field,
three of us.
This is our best chance of a podium.
One of us has got to get on.
Here we go, then.
Swamp buggying, here we go.
Ohh!
Now, I had got off
to a lightning start
and was leading the field.
Harris had found himself
stuck in the middle...
..and the big lad... Go! Go!
..well...
Ohh!
..he was busy getting
just plain stuck.
Come on!
So, that was the captain out...
..again.
But we still had two horses
in the race.
And right up at the front,
I was locked in
a do-or-die battle for glory!
McGuinness is having a go.
McGuinness might win!
Go, Pad!
First, General Lee.
Second place - Mr Paddy McGuinness!
And third place...Captain Bridges.
Well, well, well...
Nearly won it!
First time I've ever done it!
Fourth place I'll take that.
I'm still alive.
That is unlike anything
I've done before.
You OK?
Yeah, fine. That's how you dismount
a swamp buggy!
Oh, what a day.
I don't think I'm going to be
a swamp racer.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear.
It's fair to say
that was an anti-climax.
I work with a gentleman, I'm going
to use one of his favourite sayings.
I was embarrassed for you.
There's plenty to go round.
There's plenty to...
You'll be next. Anyhow,
the main thing is...
We got on a podium.
We've got silverware.
We have got silverware.
We've got silverware, boy!
Second. Where did you come?
Fourth. Sorry.
Couldn't do any more than that.
Right, there's a podium to stand on.
I'm not sure there is, Pad. I think
you might be disappointed here.
I'll make one.
Having discovered, then,
that McGuinness's racing future
lay in a remote Floridian swamp,
we had our very first trophy.
Second place -
Mr Paddy McGuinness.
Thank you.
Once the hero of the hour
had taken the dubious honour
of joining the Queen of the Swamp
for the traditional dip...
What is happening here?
..and after another rummage through
his wardrobe for some dry clothes...
..we got back on the road
in the trusty Rambler...
That cap is actually...
It suits you.
I'm very comfortable in my pink.
And this would have fitted me
in about 1993.
..which, as it turns out,
may also have been the last time
the Rambler had its oil changed.
She's making some odd noises now.
Yeah! Can you hear
that knocking noise?
I want the expert ear of McGuinness
on this. Ready? He'll go...
Be right.
Just needs a little breather.
Our great American adventure
is in jeopardy here. It's not!
Because this thing is knackered.
Nowt wrong with it.
Have the faith.
You two just don't have any
mechanical sympathy at all, do you?
Car park over there.
Oh, we're in a church!
Oh, God.
Oh, you can't say that now, Chris!
Are you going to stay in the car
and just oversee everything
and do nothing?
No, we're going to play Frisbee.
Sounds awful.
O ye of little faith, Christopher.
So, your solution to this -
we've got a dead vehicle
and you're playing Frisbee.
You've got it.
What a shot, that, eh?
Are you seeing this, Chris?
To be fair, while the Rambler cooled
down enough to top the oil up,
we had to do something.
Do you want to join in on
the Frisbee? Might as well.
Although, on balance...
Lovely throw.
Oh, he's done it before.
..we probably should have just
played cards again.
Lovely. Ooh...
Oh, what's happened?
Gone over, twist?
I landed right on it
and it did something very odd.
Ooh...
In fact, Harris had managed
to badly damage his ankle.
You get him in, Pad. I'll see what's
in t'freezer, get some ice on it.
Yeah, get in here, brother.
Oh, listen.
We should all know what happens
when middle-aged men do sport.
We shouldn't have done it.
Can you reach?
Right, put a towel on it.
Go. Now...
Mother...!
Ooh, ooh... You all right?
On the plus side,
the Rambler had cooled off,
and after a big slug of oil,
was soon feeling much better.
I've got to say, boys,
she's purring. She's purring.
Here we go.
Do us a favour, Fred.
Cover his toes up.
They need painting, them!
What's wrong with my toes?
You got your nail clippers, Paddy?
I think that might be
the more serious job!
It had been an eventful day.
I mean, who'd have thought that
between 1,000-horsepower drag racing
and ploughing rusty jeeps through
chest-high, muddy swamp water,
that our only injury would come
from Frisbee in a church car park?
I'm not sure I'm going to be much
use for the rest of this adventure.
Well, what's new?!
But it wasn't all bad news.
I tell you what, though.
Once the children are out playing,
it isn't half peaceful here.
After all, we still had
one last race ahead of us...
Wahey!
Wahey! Oh...! Oh, no, get it!
..and to stand any chance
of taking part,
the doctors have mercifully
prescribed taking a break
from Maverick and Goose.
# Take my breath away... #
Our last morning on the road...
..and having now reached the very
back of the McGuinness wardrobe,
all we had to do was nurse
the Rambler to our final race.
Don't ask too much of her, Fred.
Don't ask too much of her.
No, I'm just backing off
a bit there, Chris.
I get a feeling she's on
her last legs, this. Yeah, I know.
We never did sort out that
flapping windscreen thing, did we?
I know, listen to it. Part of the
character of the vehicle, that, Pad.
Yeah. What's your state of play,
here, Chris?
Are you...on the sidelines now?
Or are you...?
Are we going to try and get the
old sprained ankle into a boot?
No, but we're in a good place.
We've got one trophy. Yeah.
We can win another.
We'll find a way. We'll find a way.
And we needed to, because
after a few more hours of coaxing...
She is still running, boys.
I would not have had money on
this still running now. Yeah.
..later that afternoon,
we found ourselves
pulling into our last stop...
..at somewhere called
the Freedom Factory -
an old-school oval race
track with a twist.
It's the brainchild of YouTube
sensation Cleetus McFarland
who set out to build the kind
of place where anything goes
in anything that goes.
So, to see what madcap, made-up,
just-for-the-fun-of-it race
we'd be joining in on, the man
himself stopped by for a chat.
It's an Audi S3.
Anybody home?
Hello. Whoa, come on.
Hello. Hey, guys!
Nice machine you got here!
Wow.
How are you? How are you doing?
How are you? I'm Chris. Chris.
Nice to meet you. I'm Fred, nice
to meet you. Nice to meet you all.
Cleetus. Yes, sir, Cleetus
McFarland. That's the name.
What a great name. Yes, sir.
What are we racing today, Cleetus?
We're going to be racing
on the oval track
in one of the most
sought-after cars in America,
and that's the Ford Crown Victoria.
Yes! Police car? Yes.
Yeah, retired police cars. Yes!
Bought right from the auction,
and we put tyres on it...
Show us one. Come on, show us one.
Come and check it out.
All right. Look at these!
This is what we're working with,
guys. Yeah!
So, these things average
from 50 to 200,000 miles.
They're little beat up,
but we got them ready for you guys.
They got a roll cage... Love that.
..like I said, nitrous.
So, is it just the three of us
racing? No, sir.
We got 11 cars total racing tonight.
You're up against a bunch of the
best, finest team of rednecks...
Love it! ..we could come up with.
Just to be clear, then,
our great American motorsport
adventure
would be ending that night
on a packed grid of ex-police
V8 Crown Vics,
race-prepared and fitted out
with tanks
of performance-boosting
nitrous oxide
in a Nascar-inspired
floodlit oval race
called the Dirty 30.
And, if that wasn't quite
American enough for you,
before our turn in
the evening's main event,
there was still time for
a light hot dog supper
in front of the monster truck
tug-of-war.
I'm going blue.
Go on!
Look at the little 'un.
He's not moving him.
Oh, he's going!
It's like watching two
chess grandmasters, isn't it?
Tactics.
With the crowd whipped up,
it was time to prepare for the race.
First, there was
the highly technical grid draw
where it looked like luck
might finally be on our side...
I got 11, dude. I'm in last!
Are you kidding me?!
I literally got the worst one.
..because, while
the big lad, Cleetus,
would be starting at the back,
I had taken eighth, Paddy fifth,
and Harris would be starting
all the way up in third.
You got three? Unbelievable.
This is the one guy
I've got to worry about!
# O say can you see
# By the dawn's early light... #
Chris Harris has drawn three.
Cleetus is desperate
to beat Chris -
he's worried about Chris,
I can see it in his eyes -
and Harris,
he's done his usual thing.
Building up to a race, he gets
a bit intense, a bit moody.
# And the rocket's red glare
# The bombs bursting in air... #
Well, I'm in...I'm in fifth
going out.
Er...
That will probably change
to about 11th by lap 29,
but we just want to get round
in one piece.
# O say does that star-spangled...
# ..banner yet wave... #
# O'er the land of the free
# And the home of the...
# ..brave! #
Gentlemen, start your
engines!
Yeah!
Woo!
Brother! Come on, Chrissy!
Chris Harris, battling an
injury, is on crutches in his car.
You know, maybe not
driving with them,
but he truly is using
crutches to get around.
Here we go!
Wow.
I've got to tell you,
the adrenaline is pumping!
This is a formation lap now,
side by side, and then,
we're just going to see
what happens when it goes green.
Come on, Chrissy Harris,
get the win, lad.
Dear Lord.
My ankle absolutely bloody kills.
Here goes to American racing.
The pace car is coming off
the track,
making its way into the centre
of the field.
Stay calm, stay smooth, stay safe.
They are going
to be off and under way
here at the Dirty 30,
the very first lap
at the Freedom Factory.
Fire me up.
And they have the green.
We're off! We are off!
I want to point out
the number 188.
That's Chris Harris.
And he's actually squeezing his way
right into second place
here in the first lap,
the first lap is not even over,
and the man with crutches
is in second place.
Going high to begin with.
Whoa!
There's one gone.
Nearly tucked in front of me there.
Oh, this is such a rush!
It's terrifying!
So, Paddy and Freddie
are at the back of the pack,
but Chris Harris, now passing
lap traffic in the 188,
going through Turn 3 and giving
himself a clear, open shot.
Right...
I've got one right on my tail now.
I've got a bit of understeer.
All these drivers
are here to race,
and there's been
some clean racing, too.
Come on, Pad!
Come on, Pad!
Oh!
*bleep*!
Oh, Paddy!
Paddy just spun out.
Oh, I've knocked Paddy off.
He is going to be fuming!
Flintoff, you dick!
He's facing
the wrong way!
We've got the car of Cleetus
avoiding contact.
Oh, my gosh.
The caution has come out.
That was a close call.
Under caution.
Oh, I gave Paddy a nudge there.
He is going to be after me now,
that lad.
Can you believe me own
team-mate rammed me off?
What a bell-end.
I'm now being rubbed by Cleetus.
That's a phrase I never thought
I'd say in my life.
Here we go.
And it's green.
Who has the jump?
Oh, here comes Chris.
Oh, my gosh,
look on the back straight.
Chris Harris transitions
into the first position!
Is he going to be able
to hold it through Turn 3?
And he does!
Through Turn 4, Chris Harris
is now in first place.
Woohoo-hoo!
Come on, Chrissy Harris!
I can see him up there! 188.
He's our saving grace.
Come on now, boy.
I think that was
a total vet move by Chris
on a rookie, Zach.
Just passed him real quick
and got up in front.
Now we are halfway through
the race, folks.
We are lap number 14, about to start
lap number 15.
Oh!
We have a spin-off.
Carson spins into the infield.
We are still under green.
There is no caution.
Man, this is crazy!
Chris Harris fighting for his life
to hold down the first position.
The veteran Cleetus McFarland
coming up the inside in Turn 4.
Is he going to be able to
get him on the main straight?
Oh, door-to-door racing.
Cleetus clinches
the first-place position.
Whoa...
Whoa! Going through Paddy.
I'm taking another one, there we go.
That's what I'm talking about!
Come on.
Oh, and it looks
like we have another spin-out.
Payback's a bitch, baby!
Freddie,
Freddie Flintoff hits the gate.
Paddy got me back there.
Oh, and there's
a car spun around in Turn 2.
That's the menace, Freddie.
I've got a flat tyre. Flat tyre.
The blowout looked like
it had taken me out of the race
with just nine laps to go.
We're going in.
Unfortunately,
Freddie has had to come off
the track due to car malfunction.
Where are my team-mates?
The red one back there...
Where's the blue one gone?
Did you see your buddy
blew a tyre and spun out?
But this is Florida racing.
Never had a conversation
with the other driver
whilst I'm going round.
And it turns out,
in the Dirty 30...
..the show's not over
until you run out of wheels.
Freddie has
come out in a new car
with orange spray paint on it,
with the orange number 11.
It's the white Crown Vic
that has come out there.
Rejoining the back of the pack,
though, by this point,
a podium finish for me and
McGuinness was out of the question.
The real race was all Harris.
Number 99,
he's very quick.
He's driving very aggressive
as well.
What's he going to be able
to do the inside?
Looks like Chris falling
back to third place.
Come on,
Harris has dropped to third.
These cars are
driving hot.
Oh!
Oh...
Bit of a tap there.
Got away with it, I think.
Did you see
Chris Harris avoid that?
He shake left, shake right,
came on the inside,
avoided the contact.
And here he is able to close
the gap, potentially, on Cleetus.
Two to go, come on. Keep it going.
Ooh, Flintoff!
Just a tickle on the wall.
Woo! Man, this is knackering.
These guys are driving
on the wrong side of the car.
Can we talk about that?
They are literally on
a steering wheel on the
incorrect side of the vehicle.
Ooh!
Oh, contact! Oh!
Paddy riding along,
he's smoking on the final lap.
We're going to avoid a caution.
Oh, that... That was intense.
Paddy is completely broken down.
Paddy is out. We've got Cleetus
on the back straight.
This is the final lap.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Chris and Cleetus
coming across for the finish line.
The race winner, Cleetus McFarland!
Oh, second!
Second place
given to Chris Harris.
What an amazing performance
from these guys.
Wow!
What an experience that was.
The Dirty 30 was done,
and with it was our voyage
to discover some of America's
most brilliantly bonkers ways
of going racing...
..and, rambling home with
two trophies from three races,
Team Top Gear was a failure no more.
# I've never felt this way
# Oh, show me heaven
# Cover me
# Leave me breathless
# Oh-oh-oh
# Show me heaven, babe
# Leave me breathless. #
We're back!
It's a brand-new series
and it's a very important one,
because this is a big year
for the Beeb.
It is. 2022 is the centenary.
100 years of the BBC.
Go on, the Beeb!
Go on, the Beeb.
100 not out -
now, that's a big innings,
but we've got the weight of history
on our shoulders, boys.
We have indeed, Fred.
Did you see that trailer
they put out?
All the greatest moments
of the BBC
from all over the years -
Attenborough, Strictly,
Line Of Duty.
It was spine-tingling stuff.
Were we in it?
No, we weren't.
But don't worry,
because we've put
our very own trailer together.
Forget 100 years of history -
here's what we've got coming up
over the next few weeks.
Open the taps, Christopher.
See what she can do.
Oh, my Lord, it's fast.
Spin it, Fred!
Yes!
Where does that jumper start
and stop, and your chin finish?
Right, stop there.
I have turned a Sinclair C5
into a bobsled.
This is the one now - 12 into 13.
This looks terrifying.
Oh, my God!
Ohh-ohh...
Feels good!
Man, this is such a rush!
Go on, we're there!
Go on, Chris!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Ohh!
That's my theme tune right here!
Look at me - when I grab hold
of that, do not pull it!
Have you got it? Yeah.
Oh... *bleep*!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Howzat?
All that to come,
but tonight, we're kicking off
by talking about motorsport.
Isn't that right, Fred?
That's right, Pad.
Because see here at Top Gear,
we love a bit of racing.
But if we're being honest,
we've not had much success.
We? It's you two. Not fair.
Formula Off Road, Baja, the GT Cup -
barely ever a finish,
definitely no silverware.
But we reckon the problem isn't us,
it's just we haven't found
the right race yet.
Exactly. There's got to be
something we're good at.
So, the producers said, "Fine.
"You want to fail at a load
more motorsports? Go ahead."
And they packed us off
to a corner of the world
that just loves
a bit of wacky racing -
Florida!
Welcome to the sun-soaked
seaside playground that is Miami.
# Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga... #
Oh, yes. For a mission
to find a motorsport
we were actually good at,
there were definitely worse places
to kick off from.
Miami, baby!
Tell you what,
it's all right, this, in't it?
Here to conquer
the world of motorsport
and get a tan at the same time,
Patrick! Oh, all over it!
Miami, Monaco...
..Morecambe.
It doesn't matter, boys,
because we're going racing.
Oh-oh!
Yes, we were.
And because
any professional race team
needs a slick, sophisticated way
of getting to the paddock,
I'd taken the liberty of sorting out
a proper F1-inspired team bus.
What is that?
I'm glad you asked.
This, my friends,
is the Holiday Rambler
Aluma Lite XL.
Wow.
35ft of driving pleasure.
Ignore that. Right, let me talk you
through the old girl.
Ignore that?
Where have you got this from?
Is that wee coming out of there?
What's that?
Ignore that. Come round this side.
Come on in!
Here we go.
Fred, this feels like a crime scene.
Eh? Now, let me just talk you
through it.
Living area.
Driving area. Yeah.
Dining table and...
You're going to love this, you two.
..your beds.
The kitchen turns into a bedroom.
You've got all this to yourselves,
you two. Ohh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I've looked after you!
Who gets the master suite, then?
Finders keepers.
And anyhow, the boys were about to
get a little treat of their own -
two front-row seats on the Rambler's
maiden voyage down Ocean Drive.
Ocean Drive
by Lighthouse Family
# We'll live on Ocean Drive
# Don't know why
# You're so blue
So blue
# The sun's gonna shine
on everything you do... #
# And the sky... #
Whoa!
Oh, lively, Chris, innit?
I tell you what, Pad, you've chosen
a beauty. She drives straight.
Thank you. A lot of power.
Eh - 7.4-litre V8... 7.4?
7.4 V8, big block, straight
out of a Corvette Stingray.
It's got more grunt
than it's got brakes.
So, we've got the idea that
we're going racing,
we've got our team,
we've got our team truck.
Race team. Now what we need is...
..team captain.
What are you thinking?
Well, we've got
an obvious candidate.
Which one of the three of us
has captained
an international England side?
I understand why
you're plumping for me,
but the captaincy...
Don't think of yourself
as a captain. Think of yourself
more of a sacrificial lamb.
Oh, my word.
Hands up Flintoff captain.
Hands up Flintoff not captain.
Outvoted. Get your arm down!
Miami, baby!
Here we go, road trip!
Open the taps, Christopher.
See what she can do.
Listen to that V8!
Do you know what, Paddy?
It's not what I expected, this RV,
but it's perfect. Thank you.
'80s Americana.
What's that flapping about, Chris?
What's that noise?
That's that window...
Windscreen rubber.
Do you know what I like about
these '80s motors, like this?
They're proper. You get in and go,
"That's comfortable."
They did know how to make comfort.
I feel like Captain Kirk on the...
Is it the SS Enterprise?
Do you mean Kirk or Cook?
Kirk. Captain Kirk.
The one that sailed a boat
or the one that had a starship?
Captain Kirk.
In the middle on the starship,
sat in the seat...
The one that discovered
Botany Bay in Australia?
..weighing it all up.
That's near Chorley, that...
It is, yeah...Botany Bay!
At the risk of rambling
too far off brief,
it was just as well
that the first pit stop on
our motorsport map of Florida
was located just up the coast
at the Palm Beach
International Raceway...
Oh, Chris!
Wa-hey, boys, here we are!
..where we'd been told to get
stuck in to something called...
..donk racing.
It started on the streets
of Miami back in the late '80s,
taking the head-to-head, high-stakes
world of illegal drag racing...
..and giving it
a uniquely outlandish edge.
Donk racing has become so popular
that it's now a fully legalised
official motorsport.
A motorsport driven by a love of
big old '70s Chevrolet barges,
modified with huge horsepower
and simply enormous wheels.
Oh, look at this!
Look at these things, Pad.
Are you all right, lads?
Some of the paint jobs
are unbelievable. Look at that!
Spinners!
Yay! Love a spinner!
How big are them wheels, Chris?
What size?
26.
Imagine if you hit a British pothole
in that. Wow!
This is proper Americana, though,
innit?
Noise! Power! That's what we want!
We weren't just here to spectate,
though.
We'd been invited to compete.
So, to see about some cars,
we tracked down
the big boss himself -
Sage Thomas...
How are you? What's up? What's up?
..otherwise known as...
How are you, boss?
..the Donkmaster.
Welcome to America, men.
So, what's donking?
It's donk racing.
What we have here is the
National Donk Racing Association.
You act a donkey in a donk.
You see how flamboyant it is
and shiny it is.
No, you've lost me. What?
You act a donkey.
You act like a donkey.
You got to be wild!
So, a middleweight donk
has speakers, AC,
cruise control,
all this kind of stuff.
But it has to have that?
Yes, it has to have that.
And it has to have the 26-inch
wheels that you see here.
They call this one Gold Digger.
One question.
How big is the engine in this?
- Seven litres.
- Seven litres?
This car here, it makes over
900 horsepower to the rear tyres.
So 0 to 60 - how fast would that be?
This'd go to 60mph
in under two seconds.
These can run about 150mph
in a quarter mile.
That's outrageous! Absolutely.
And better still, the Donkmaster
had been kind enough to
line one up for each of us.
This is a bit of me.
Is that you? That's me!
Chris? That one.
I'll go Gold Digger.
Have they all got the same power?
Nah. So, this one makes about
1,000 horsepower,
so you picked the right one.
That's what I want to tell you.
You ready for training?
Yes! Here we go.
1,000 horsepower.
In a straight line.
That's where he's worst - straight
line. It's where he's at his worst.
Suddenly very aware
that all that horsepower
sat inside someone
else's pride and joy,
before hitting the track,
we took a couple of minutes
to have a quick pootle around
the car park...
Whoa! That has just got
a mind of its own!
..which, unfortunately, was all the
time Harris needed in HIS donk...
..to kill it.
That broke.
That's gone.
So, that went well!?
The first time
I put the throttle down...
Oh, dear.
..the diff went bang.
Oh, no! And now this is the bit
that I don't like.
This is the bit... Racing driver...
Well done!
Pro driver! What happened, Chris?
You pair of...
Am I not allowed to say anything?
Go on, then.
Um...
FREDDIE CHEERS
Suffice to say, with
the competition already under way...
..I would now have to share a donk
with Fred
who, as team captain, had
bravely volunteered to run first
and show the locals
what we were made of.
Thank you! Thank you! Thanks, lads.
Thanks for popping in.
Thanks for coming.
I'm feeling quite nervous
for him here.
I'm up against it here.
I'm up against a bloke who does it
every day of the week.
My main concern -
not hitting a wall.
Keep it straight. Keep it straight!
The Donkmaster's telling me
to keep it straight.
That's what I'm thinking. Yeah.
That's what I'm thinking.
Let's go. Let's go.
Light on the throttle.
Just...rrr-rrr! Mmm.
It's one of the most ridiculous
sights I've ever seen!
Come on, Fred! Take this fella.
Oh... Oh-oh. Oh, God.
Oh, you... *bleep*!
It spun out.
Ohh!
Ah.
THEY LAUGH
What is he doing?
Who do you think won?
That was no good. No good.
Hell, when he went sideways,
my heart was beating.
LAUGHTER
I went at it too hard.
I wanted to go
and then was just too keen.
At what point did you realise
you were doing an 80mph burn-out?
I was enjoying it for a minute
and then I started seeing the wall.
Hey, there was a bit, it went
like that and we all went, "Ooh!"
Paddy, I'm here. I know.
You came second. You're allowed
to these days. You came second,
Where am I going here, now, then?
Uh... Am I reversing out?
Just go sideways up there
for 100 yards.
So, the captain was out,
and our American racing debut
was off to a rocky start.
Well done, sir.
I owe you $20.
Let me tell you, the guy who owns
this car, his ass, about this big.
Was he not happy?
Listen, you were hanging the wall.
No, I was all right with it. OK.
But for the next race,
me and Harris had been drawn
against each other
which meant, as long as
we kept our noses clean,
at least one of us would be
through to the next round.
Woo! Yeah!
Come on, boys.
Ohh!
Oh-ho-ho! Whoo!
Ohh! Chrissy Harris!
Woo! That's fast!
Woo! I think we might have
beaten him!
Paddy!
That is outrageous!
Man, that donking's visceral.
Beating McGuinness had sent Harris
straight into the quarterfinals.
Win the next round, and we'd be
in with a shot at the podium.
The only problem was,
his next opponent...
..would be the Donkmaster himself.
The Donkmaster's car has a
parachute on the back of it.
I think you have to be
going quite fast
to require the services
of a parachute to stop.
Go on, Chrissy!
Shall we have a bet on him?
Who, the Donkmaster?
Yeah, of course.
Come on! Come on!
No idea what I'm doing at all.
Who do we come for for bets?
We're on the Donkmaster.
Who are you going on?
On the Gold Digger right here.
100? Ooh! Ooh!
Come on, the Donkmaster!
Oh, good luck, Chris.
Chris, good on you, son.
Good luck, Chris!
Good luck, Chris!
That's lovely!
Here we go, here we go!
Come on, Chris! Come on!
I think I cheated.
He's cheating,
he's gone at red light.
There he goes!
He didn't beat me by that much.
Woo! Ohh!
Have we won? Yeah.
Just clap.
Oh, no... I'll get dinner.
Oh, Chris, good effort, that.
Unlucky, Chris.
Well done. That was amazing.
But I jumped the start so
I was disqualified before I started.
But you had to try. Looked good,
though. You looked amazing.
It was like the Bristol Donker...
Look, we won!
Shh! Not now.
Donkmaster won! Not now.
Thank you. Thank you.
So, our team spirit
needed some work.
And retreating back to
the Holiday Rambler,
it was time to conclude that
when it comes to donk racing,
we probably made better
spectators than competitors.
I were catching him at the end.
No, you weren't.
You nearly had me, Pad.
If it had gone on for another
six miles, you'd have caught me.
No, I reckon about another four.
Joking aside,
I think, for our first attempt
at something,
we all got through it in one piece.
Job's a good 'un.
That was a result. Job's a good 'un.
And we won $100, didn't we, Pad?
$100. Yes, we did.
Time to set our sights
on our next race...
..taking place the following morning
over on Florida's west coast.
To reach it, we'd be crossing
the enormous tropical wilderness
of the Everglades...
..which, in a highly
reliable vehicle,
driven by a highly skilled driver,
would be no problem at all.
Hang on, it just keeps...
It's cut out.
Have you got any power now? No.
None. Freewheeling.
What have you done to it?
I haven't...
You've been in it two minutes,
you've broken it.
Exactly. You've had it
for an hour-and-a-half...
No, no. It was absolutely fine.
Was it fine when I was driving?
Don't bring me into this.
Was it fine when I was driving?
Don't bring me into this squabble.
Are you scared of his physicality?
I'm having a nice time.
Do you know what
you're forgetting here?
I'm captain. OK. All right?
I'm beginning to understand
why it didn't work for you, Andrew.
You going to have a look
at the engine, Chris?
For what good it'll do!
Oh, there he goes. Oh, here we go.
Ohh, lovely.
Flaming heck!
Turn it off, turn it off.
I've got no hairs on me legs!
My God! What are you doing?
What are you going to do with that
now? The heat! It's hot.
Get that open.
Ooh, pristine, that, innit?
That looks lovely.
There's nothing wrong with that
at all.
No, spotless.
Put the lid back on it.
Bit of throttle.
Bit more.
Not a lot of fuel there, Fred.
Have you not filled it up?
What do you mean, I didn't fill it
up? You've handed it to me empty.
Fuel gauge says full. Give it a...
What are you doing now? It's broken.
Put the fan cover back on.
You've been driving it
and you've not filled it up.
You've handed it over empty.
Let's just go and get
some petrol, for God's sake!
Since neither of the two clowns
had considered
a 7.2-litre V8 might
at some point need a top-up,
we limped along to
the next petrol station,
and soon had the Rambler
fully brimmed, back on track
and ready to head
straight into the Everglades...
..also known as alligator country.
That's Gatorsville in there, innit?
How much to swim across that?
$100.
I can't see... What's that
over there? Where?
There's something over there. Where?
On the other side of the river.
Where are you looking? Over there!
Oh, it's a heron.
Truth be told, the further
we rolled across the Everglades,
the more it looked like
the so-called alligator country
was missing a crucial ingredient.
Well, we've been in gator country
for several hours now
and I've not seen a sniff.
I've seen a heron,
both alive and dead.
We've seen vultures.
Snake! Snake! Is that a snake on the
ground there? Where? Where? Where?
What's that dead there? That?
THUD
That's a branch, Chris. Well done!
But the day was wearing on,
and it turned out the overnight
campsite we were booked at
was a bit more...
..rural.
Watch out on that tree.
Jesus!
Slow it down round here.
Yeah. Let's have a look.
Got to be summat.
There's one! Where? Where?
There, there, there, there!
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey. Hey!
Look at that lad.
Tell you what, it's bigger
than you think, that.
How big is that? Five foot?
No, it's bigger.
Is it? It's bigger than you think.
When it comes out of th'watter...
Can you speak in...?
"When it comes out of th'watter..."?
They live in water.
Whoa, Jesus Christ!
Look at this lad here!
Look at the size of this one!
In here!
Look at this! Crikey, he's large.
Oh, my God, this lad here!
Right here, Fred.
That's what I was looking at,
that one.
Flintoff, what are you doing?
That's it, Fred.
Just open the door, invite him in.
I'm straight in if he comes.
Tell you what, they go quick, Fred.
Do they? They come out quick, my
friend. Is that more than 6'1"?
That's a big lad.
Look, there's one there!
Oh, he's gone.
Oh, where's he going now?
With that in mind, we decided to get
to our campsite before nightfall.
So, we saddled back up...
..and hurried on deeper
into the wild.
Oh, no.
Fred?
Right, Andrew...
Chris, I'm doing 20mph.
That is your first official warning.
I'm doing 20mph.
Andrew!
And thanks to Flintoff,
we were soon rumbling up to
the slightly unnervingly named
Trail Lakes Camp Ground.
So, we're camping at a place
with lakes full of alligators.
That's the one.
Keep that Labrador on a lead.
That's lunch!
Imagine bringing your kids here.
What you've got to do...
Apparently, their eyes are like
cats' eyes, they're reflective.
There's seriously alligators
in that? Yeah.
Proper big ones? Big 'uns.
Why would you want to camp
by a load of alligators?
Why are we doing that?
A bit of fun, innit?
We enjoyed the RV. Enjoyed it.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Hey! And come on,
what do you reckon?
I know we've had
a few little technicals today.
It has done us proud.
Done us proud, hasn't it?
It's comfy. Extremely comfy.
I'm slightly nervous about
the sleeping situation.
You don't have to be. I've told you.
Master bedroom - that's mine.
Dining table - that's you.
Couch - that's you.
I'm not sleeping with him.
You're not sleeping with him.
He's in the dining room.
Have you seen how long he is?
It's the same room.
Why am I going to sleep on
a dining table or a couch?
You're on the couch. It pulls out.
Don't think of it as a couch, Fred.
Are you naked or are
you a pyjamas man?
Absolutely in the buff, mate. Sorry?
The next morning, we were
back on the dusty trail
where, having decided
we'd missed a trick
on the previous day's drive
through Miami,
McGuinness had generously opened up
his holiday wardrobe.
What do you think
of the outfit, boys, eh?
Miami Vice!
Have I pulled it out the bag
or what?
Not in Miami, Pad. You what?
We're not in Miami. Where are we?
Naples.
Near enough, innit?
Naples, baby!
How many days more of this
are there?
At least one, because we'd been
told our next motorsport test
could be found somewhere
in the nearby marshes.
And, so far, tracking it down
in the RV hadn't been easy.
Here you are, Chris,
what's this coming up here?
Whoa, whoa, Pad,
we've missed our turn, I think.
What? Down there.
How do you know that were it? Were
it signposted? Just listen to me.
Oh! Ohh! OK.
Don't worry.
I'll spin it round down here.
I don't want to get us stuck, lads.
I don't want to get us stuck. Nose
down there and go back in there.
I reckon you could drive
just round...
There she goes.
Oh... Don't worry.
Ohh!
We'll have a little run into it now.
This is perfection. Oh, my word.
And we are...
No, we're not.
Oh, dear, we might be.
I cannot believe
you've gone into wet sand!
We're in the middle...
We are in the middle of nowhere
dressed like three clowns...
On private land!
..on private land, where we're
going to get shot.
After a phone call to the nearby
race venue, wherever it was,
we were told someone had been
sent out to look for us...
..which left plenty of time for
a little more hopeless digging.
No. No, no, throw more power at it.
That'll help.
Shut up a minute. Shut up a minute.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear, Patrick.
And once we were
well and truly stuck...
Gino D'Acampo don't have this
problem with Gordon Ramsay.
..we decided to pass
the time some more
by settling down to a
friendly game of cards...
Play snap.
Snap it is!
Is that what we're playing?
..although, if you'd like
to play along at home,
we do not recommend
our optional house rule.
Snap! Whoa!
That's a nine and a seven!
Right, because you went early...
Yeah.
..you've got to let us give you one
of them on t'face.
Ow! That was a punch!
What about mine? Yeah, go on.
So you don't do that!
I'm taking me glasses off!
Ohh! He's out. He's out.
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ow! Ow!
Sadly, there was no time
for another round,
because the very American cavalry
had arrived.
Ha! One thing I will say,
I don't think it'll struggle
pulling us out. Look at it!
All it took now...
Oh, that's lovely.
..was a bit of good
old-fashioned teamwork
to get us hitched up...
You comfy in there?
I'm being the pilot.
I'm going to drive us
out of this thing.
..and a bit of good
old-fashioned horsepower...
Paddy? Yeah.
..to get us out.
Yes, boss!
Done well!
How deep? Such a helmet.
With the Rambler finally
back on track,
it was time to do the same
with our motorsport adventure.
And for our next taste
of Florida's unique take on racing,
we soon found ourselves arriving
at what could only be described...
..as a swamp.
Look at this, lads.
Oh! Oh! Swamp buggy racing!
Oh, that'd be fun. That'd be good.
Oh, hello! Good Lord.
Swamp buggy racing,
as you can probably tell...
..sits firmly in
the specialist interest corner
of the racing community.
In fact, it is so specialist
that this is the only place
in the world that does it.
70 years of competition has seen
traditional Everglades
water transport
evolve into bespoke
high-performance machines
that generate up to
1,000 horsepower...
..and hit speeds of up to 80mph...
..on muddy water.
Fantastic!
Are we still happy
with the garments?
Hey, how cool do we look?
All we need is an explosion
behind us now as we walk off.
Look at these things. Look at 'em!
I've never seen anything like 'em.
And we were just in time to see how
the seasoned pros wade into battle.
Are you ready to see
some swamp buggy racing?
Let's go swamping!
Look at the state...!
Look at this thing.
Good God! Why would you
want to be strapped into it?
Here we go!
That's a tsunami!
Whoa!
I've never seen anything
like this in my life.
Can you smell how angry they are?
Oh, he's took a bit of the bike!
Wow.
Yay!
Wowsers. Hey, guys. What do you
think of swamp buggy racing?
That's outrageous! That is mega.
What's the origins of it?
It's over 70 years of doing this?
Yeah. It started off
as hunting buggies
out of necessity to get into
the swamp and hunt for food,
and naturally, one guy's like,
"I'm going to get to camp
before you get there."
And they raced to camp. I love that.
Next thing you know...
That's how it all starts.
Can I just check, have we done
an alligator scan of the water?
Yeah. Are we alligator-free? Yeah.
Well, we scanned it. We didn't
say it was free of alligators.
Do you race and there are sometimes
alligators in there? Oh, yeah.
There's one that lives under...
If you're an alligator
and one of them comes towards you,
you're out of there.
He usually stays hidden
in his hole. Usually.
And with that, it was time
to get ready for the race...
Come on, guys.
Let's get you into the buggies.
Here we go. They're over there.
..where, presumably, with
our reputation at donk racing
preceding us,
it turned out we wouldn't be
competing in the top-level buggies
that the pros drive.
Instead, we'd be cutting our teeth
on something rather more...
..agricultural.
Yes, swamp buggy racers
begin their careers
in clapped-out,
jacked-up old Jeeps...
Look at these things. Look at 'em.
I'm not sure about this.
..complete with about
150 horsepower...
Let's race.
..and no brakes.
Look at his...!
I forgot you don't brake. I forgot!
Has he crashed into him?
What on earth are you doing?
The race itself would see
seven buggies competing
in a one-lap dash,
with the top three finishers
taking home silverware.
Here we go.
Seven cars in the field,
three of us.
This is our best chance of a podium.
One of us has got to get on.
Here we go, then.
Swamp buggying, here we go.
Ohh!
Now, I had got off
to a lightning start
and was leading the field.
Harris had found himself
stuck in the middle...
..and the big lad... Go! Go!
..well...
Ohh!
..he was busy getting
just plain stuck.
Come on!
So, that was the captain out...
..again.
But we still had two horses
in the race.
And right up at the front,
I was locked in
a do-or-die battle for glory!
McGuinness is having a go.
McGuinness might win!
Go, Pad!
First, General Lee.
Second place - Mr Paddy McGuinness!
And third place...Captain Bridges.
Well, well, well...
Nearly won it!
First time I've ever done it!
Fourth place I'll take that.
I'm still alive.
That is unlike anything
I've done before.
You OK?
Yeah, fine. That's how you dismount
a swamp buggy!
Oh, what a day.
I don't think I'm going to be
a swamp racer.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear.
It's fair to say
that was an anti-climax.
I work with a gentleman, I'm going
to use one of his favourite sayings.
I was embarrassed for you.
There's plenty to go round.
There's plenty to...
You'll be next. Anyhow,
the main thing is...
We got on a podium.
We've got silverware.
We have got silverware.
We've got silverware, boy!
Second. Where did you come?
Fourth. Sorry.
Couldn't do any more than that.
Right, there's a podium to stand on.
I'm not sure there is, Pad. I think
you might be disappointed here.
I'll make one.
Having discovered, then,
that McGuinness's racing future
lay in a remote Floridian swamp,
we had our very first trophy.
Second place -
Mr Paddy McGuinness.
Thank you.
Once the hero of the hour
had taken the dubious honour
of joining the Queen of the Swamp
for the traditional dip...
What is happening here?
..and after another rummage through
his wardrobe for some dry clothes...
..we got back on the road
in the trusty Rambler...
That cap is actually...
It suits you.
I'm very comfortable in my pink.
And this would have fitted me
in about 1993.
..which, as it turns out,
may also have been the last time
the Rambler had its oil changed.
She's making some odd noises now.
Yeah! Can you hear
that knocking noise?
I want the expert ear of McGuinness
on this. Ready? He'll go...
Be right.
Just needs a little breather.
Our great American adventure
is in jeopardy here. It's not!
Because this thing is knackered.
Nowt wrong with it.
Have the faith.
You two just don't have any
mechanical sympathy at all, do you?
Car park over there.
Oh, we're in a church!
Oh, God.
Oh, you can't say that now, Chris!
Are you going to stay in the car
and just oversee everything
and do nothing?
No, we're going to play Frisbee.
Sounds awful.
O ye of little faith, Christopher.
So, your solution to this -
we've got a dead vehicle
and you're playing Frisbee.
You've got it.
What a shot, that, eh?
Are you seeing this, Chris?
To be fair, while the Rambler cooled
down enough to top the oil up,
we had to do something.
Do you want to join in on
the Frisbee? Might as well.
Although, on balance...
Lovely throw.
Oh, he's done it before.
..we probably should have just
played cards again.
Lovely. Ooh...
Oh, what's happened?
Gone over, twist?
I landed right on it
and it did something very odd.
Ooh...
In fact, Harris had managed
to badly damage his ankle.
You get him in, Pad. I'll see what's
in t'freezer, get some ice on it.
Yeah, get in here, brother.
Oh, listen.
We should all know what happens
when middle-aged men do sport.
We shouldn't have done it.
Can you reach?
Right, put a towel on it.
Go. Now...
Mother...!
Ooh, ooh... You all right?
On the plus side,
the Rambler had cooled off,
and after a big slug of oil,
was soon feeling much better.
I've got to say, boys,
she's purring. She's purring.
Here we go.
Do us a favour, Fred.
Cover his toes up.
They need painting, them!
What's wrong with my toes?
You got your nail clippers, Paddy?
I think that might be
the more serious job!
It had been an eventful day.
I mean, who'd have thought that
between 1,000-horsepower drag racing
and ploughing rusty jeeps through
chest-high, muddy swamp water,
that our only injury would come
from Frisbee in a church car park?
I'm not sure I'm going to be much
use for the rest of this adventure.
Well, what's new?!
But it wasn't all bad news.
I tell you what, though.
Once the children are out playing,
it isn't half peaceful here.
After all, we still had
one last race ahead of us...
Wahey!
Wahey! Oh...! Oh, no, get it!
..and to stand any chance
of taking part,
the doctors have mercifully
prescribed taking a break
from Maverick and Goose.
# Take my breath away... #
Our last morning on the road...
..and having now reached the very
back of the McGuinness wardrobe,
all we had to do was nurse
the Rambler to our final race.
Don't ask too much of her, Fred.
Don't ask too much of her.
No, I'm just backing off
a bit there, Chris.
I get a feeling she's on
her last legs, this. Yeah, I know.
We never did sort out that
flapping windscreen thing, did we?
I know, listen to it. Part of the
character of the vehicle, that, Pad.
Yeah. What's your state of play,
here, Chris?
Are you...on the sidelines now?
Or are you...?
Are we going to try and get the
old sprained ankle into a boot?
No, but we're in a good place.
We've got one trophy. Yeah.
We can win another.
We'll find a way. We'll find a way.
And we needed to, because
after a few more hours of coaxing...
She is still running, boys.
I would not have had money on
this still running now. Yeah.
..later that afternoon,
we found ourselves
pulling into our last stop...
..at somewhere called
the Freedom Factory -
an old-school oval race
track with a twist.
It's the brainchild of YouTube
sensation Cleetus McFarland
who set out to build the kind
of place where anything goes
in anything that goes.
So, to see what madcap, made-up,
just-for-the-fun-of-it race
we'd be joining in on, the man
himself stopped by for a chat.
It's an Audi S3.
Anybody home?
Hello. Whoa, come on.
Hello. Hey, guys!
Nice machine you got here!
Wow.
How are you? How are you doing?
How are you? I'm Chris. Chris.
Nice to meet you. I'm Fred, nice
to meet you. Nice to meet you all.
Cleetus. Yes, sir, Cleetus
McFarland. That's the name.
What a great name. Yes, sir.
What are we racing today, Cleetus?
We're going to be racing
on the oval track
in one of the most
sought-after cars in America,
and that's the Ford Crown Victoria.
Yes! Police car? Yes.
Yeah, retired police cars. Yes!
Bought right from the auction,
and we put tyres on it...
Show us one. Come on, show us one.
Come and check it out.
All right. Look at these!
This is what we're working with,
guys. Yeah!
So, these things average
from 50 to 200,000 miles.
They're little beat up,
but we got them ready for you guys.
They got a roll cage... Love that.
..like I said, nitrous.
So, is it just the three of us
racing? No, sir.
We got 11 cars total racing tonight.
You're up against a bunch of the
best, finest team of rednecks...
Love it! ..we could come up with.
Just to be clear, then,
our great American motorsport
adventure
would be ending that night
on a packed grid of ex-police
V8 Crown Vics,
race-prepared and fitted out
with tanks
of performance-boosting
nitrous oxide
in a Nascar-inspired
floodlit oval race
called the Dirty 30.
And, if that wasn't quite
American enough for you,
before our turn in
the evening's main event,
there was still time for
a light hot dog supper
in front of the monster truck
tug-of-war.
I'm going blue.
Go on!
Look at the little 'un.
He's not moving him.
Oh, he's going!
It's like watching two
chess grandmasters, isn't it?
Tactics.
With the crowd whipped up,
it was time to prepare for the race.
First, there was
the highly technical grid draw
where it looked like luck
might finally be on our side...
I got 11, dude. I'm in last!
Are you kidding me?!
I literally got the worst one.
..because, while
the big lad, Cleetus,
would be starting at the back,
I had taken eighth, Paddy fifth,
and Harris would be starting
all the way up in third.
You got three? Unbelievable.
This is the one guy
I've got to worry about!
# O say can you see
# By the dawn's early light... #
Chris Harris has drawn three.
Cleetus is desperate
to beat Chris -
he's worried about Chris,
I can see it in his eyes -
and Harris,
he's done his usual thing.
Building up to a race, he gets
a bit intense, a bit moody.
# And the rocket's red glare
# The bombs bursting in air... #
Well, I'm in...I'm in fifth
going out.
Er...
That will probably change
to about 11th by lap 29,
but we just want to get round
in one piece.
# O say does that star-spangled...
# ..banner yet wave... #
# O'er the land of the free
# And the home of the...
# ..brave! #
Gentlemen, start your
engines!
Yeah!
Woo!
Brother! Come on, Chrissy!
Chris Harris, battling an
injury, is on crutches in his car.
You know, maybe not
driving with them,
but he truly is using
crutches to get around.
Here we go!
Wow.
I've got to tell you,
the adrenaline is pumping!
This is a formation lap now,
side by side, and then,
we're just going to see
what happens when it goes green.
Come on, Chrissy Harris,
get the win, lad.
Dear Lord.
My ankle absolutely bloody kills.
Here goes to American racing.
The pace car is coming off
the track,
making its way into the centre
of the field.
Stay calm, stay smooth, stay safe.
They are going
to be off and under way
here at the Dirty 30,
the very first lap
at the Freedom Factory.
Fire me up.
And they have the green.
We're off! We are off!
I want to point out
the number 188.
That's Chris Harris.
And he's actually squeezing his way
right into second place
here in the first lap,
the first lap is not even over,
and the man with crutches
is in second place.
Going high to begin with.
Whoa!
There's one gone.
Nearly tucked in front of me there.
Oh, this is such a rush!
It's terrifying!
So, Paddy and Freddie
are at the back of the pack,
but Chris Harris, now passing
lap traffic in the 188,
going through Turn 3 and giving
himself a clear, open shot.
Right...
I've got one right on my tail now.
I've got a bit of understeer.
All these drivers
are here to race,
and there's been
some clean racing, too.
Come on, Pad!
Come on, Pad!
Oh!
*bleep*!
Oh, Paddy!
Paddy just spun out.
Oh, I've knocked Paddy off.
He is going to be fuming!
Flintoff, you dick!
He's facing
the wrong way!
We've got the car of Cleetus
avoiding contact.
Oh, my gosh.
The caution has come out.
That was a close call.
Under caution.
Oh, I gave Paddy a nudge there.
He is going to be after me now,
that lad.
Can you believe me own
team-mate rammed me off?
What a bell-end.
I'm now being rubbed by Cleetus.
That's a phrase I never thought
I'd say in my life.
Here we go.
And it's green.
Who has the jump?
Oh, here comes Chris.
Oh, my gosh,
look on the back straight.
Chris Harris transitions
into the first position!
Is he going to be able
to hold it through Turn 3?
And he does!
Through Turn 4, Chris Harris
is now in first place.
Woohoo-hoo!
Come on, Chrissy Harris!
I can see him up there! 188.
He's our saving grace.
Come on now, boy.
I think that was
a total vet move by Chris
on a rookie, Zach.
Just passed him real quick
and got up in front.
Now we are halfway through
the race, folks.
We are lap number 14, about to start
lap number 15.
Oh!
We have a spin-off.
Carson spins into the infield.
We are still under green.
There is no caution.
Man, this is crazy!
Chris Harris fighting for his life
to hold down the first position.
The veteran Cleetus McFarland
coming up the inside in Turn 4.
Is he going to be able to
get him on the main straight?
Oh, door-to-door racing.
Cleetus clinches
the first-place position.
Whoa...
Whoa! Going through Paddy.
I'm taking another one, there we go.
That's what I'm talking about!
Come on.
Oh, and it looks
like we have another spin-out.
Payback's a bitch, baby!
Freddie,
Freddie Flintoff hits the gate.
Paddy got me back there.
Oh, and there's
a car spun around in Turn 2.
That's the menace, Freddie.
I've got a flat tyre. Flat tyre.
The blowout looked like
it had taken me out of the race
with just nine laps to go.
We're going in.
Unfortunately,
Freddie has had to come off
the track due to car malfunction.
Where are my team-mates?
The red one back there...
Where's the blue one gone?
Did you see your buddy
blew a tyre and spun out?
But this is Florida racing.
Never had a conversation
with the other driver
whilst I'm going round.
And it turns out,
in the Dirty 30...
..the show's not over
until you run out of wheels.
Freddie has
come out in a new car
with orange spray paint on it,
with the orange number 11.
It's the white Crown Vic
that has come out there.
Rejoining the back of the pack,
though, by this point,
a podium finish for me and
McGuinness was out of the question.
The real race was all Harris.
Number 99,
he's very quick.
He's driving very aggressive
as well.
What's he going to be able
to do the inside?
Looks like Chris falling
back to third place.
Come on,
Harris has dropped to third.
These cars are
driving hot.
Oh!
Oh...
Bit of a tap there.
Got away with it, I think.
Did you see
Chris Harris avoid that?
He shake left, shake right,
came on the inside,
avoided the contact.
And here he is able to close
the gap, potentially, on Cleetus.
Two to go, come on. Keep it going.
Ooh, Flintoff!
Just a tickle on the wall.
Woo! Man, this is knackering.
These guys are driving
on the wrong side of the car.
Can we talk about that?
They are literally on
a steering wheel on the
incorrect side of the vehicle.
Ooh!
Oh, contact! Oh!
Paddy riding along,
he's smoking on the final lap.
We're going to avoid a caution.
Oh, that... That was intense.
Paddy is completely broken down.
Paddy is out. We've got Cleetus
on the back straight.
This is the final lap.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Chris and Cleetus
coming across for the finish line.
The race winner, Cleetus McFarland!
Oh, second!
Second place
given to Chris Harris.
What an amazing performance
from these guys.
Wow!
What an experience that was.
The Dirty 30 was done,
and with it was our voyage
to discover some of America's
most brilliantly bonkers ways
of going racing...
..and, rambling home with
two trophies from three races,
Team Top Gear was a failure no more.
# I've never felt this way
# Oh, show me heaven
# Cover me
# Leave me breathless
# Oh-oh-oh
# Show me heaven, babe
# Leave me breathless. #