Top Gear (2002–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Election Rally Car Showdown - full transcript

Hello and welcome.
We've got a luxury theme tonight.

A drinks globe with Tia Maria in it,

an onyx coffee table,
that's a sumptuous Wall's Viennetta,

and, appropriately, that is
the new Rolls Royce Phantom.

Have you ever seen anything
quite so enormous?

Look at this. This is
the wheel from our Suzuki Liana.

Compare it, if you will,
to the wheel of the Rolls Royce.

And that is its engine!
A 6.7 litre V12.

Last time I was in anything with an
engine that big, it had a captain!

Everything about this car is vast.

To test it, I took it to the home
of that other automotive colossus.



John Prescott.
LAUGHTER

I went to Hull.

CLASSICAL MUSIC

This is nice. No rev counter -
I have a "power reserve dial".

I'm doing 60 miles an hour
and according to that,

I've got 90% of the engine's power
in reserve, just in case
of emergencies. That's good.

In the old Rolls Royces, the ones
from the '60s and '70s, '80s even,

there was wind noise,
tyre noise, engine noise.

You could hear the clock at 100
miles an hour because it was loud!

But this is like a whisper
in the vestry.

HARSH TECHNO MUSIC

It's a frugal car too.
I drove it to Yorkshire
and got 18 miles to the gallon!

It's quieter and more economical
than I expected.

And it's easier to drive.



I imagined that driving this car
through a village

would be like trying to thread
an oil rig through a letter box.

But it's not that difficult.
It's 14 miles long,

but it's quite narrow.
It's six inches narrower than
a Range Rover, so it's quite easy.

I'm not distracted by toys, either.

In most luxury cars there are lots
of buttons which let you tailor
everything, "just so".

Let me show you the radio as
a prime example. There's one knob.

Push it and Terry Wogan comes into
the car. Turn it, he gets louder.

Push it again and he goes away.

Then there's the gear arrangement.

Tiptronic? I don't think so.
I've got backwards, neutral
and forwards. And that's it.

It seems this car represents
an old-fashioned approach
to luxury motoring.

And I rather like that.

FOGHORN BLARES

Normally, I must be honest,
I don't find the doors on a car
particularly interesting. Unless...

SOFT CLUNK

.. it doesn't have any.
But, look at this.

Not only does this open backwards,
but in here we find...

an umbrella.

Rolls Royce
is making a big deal about this.
Not sure why cos you get it...

on a Skoda Superb. It's the only
thing that's "superb" about it.

Inside I simply push this button
here to close the door because

obviously I can't be bothered
to do it myself.

Then I'm cocooned
in this world of elegant simplicity.

I love the leather and aluminium.

This Art Deco light in here,
the handles and the roof.

That... is...fabulous.

Then you've got the thick carpets
and these picnic tables.

You might think that the back
is the best place to be.

Calming, nice.

But actually, the Rolls
is amazingly good fun to drive.

Nought to 60 in 5.7 seconds

and a top speed of 150.

That's fast by anyone's standards,
especially as the wheels
don't appear to go round.

And it's not just good
in a straight line either.

Don't misunderstand me.
It's far from sporty.

But it's not a hovercraft either.

I didn't want to like this car.

I wanted to say it was too big,
too German, too vulgar.
But it's won me over.

Since it began, Rolls Royce said
it makes the best car in the world.

Now, for 80 years
that hasn't really been the case.

It is now, though!

Once again,
the Spirit of Ecstasy is just that.

And here we are, at journey's end.

The real reason for coming
to Hull...the Humber Bridge.

For 17 years, the longest
suspension bridge in the world.

The towers are
one-and-a-half inches further apart
at the top than the bottom,

thanks to the curvature
of the earth.

There's enough steel in the cabling
here to go round the world twice.

It's British steel,
British designed,

British-engineered and
British-built with British money.

We have the talent in this country
to make stuff like this.

So...why can't we do it today?

The design of this car is British.

The chief engineer
who worked on it is British.

The engine comes from Germany.

So does the gearbox, the brakes,
the suspension and body.

Even the leather on the seats comes
from a flock of cows in Bavaria.

All we do in this country
is put all the bits together
and nail the dashboard in place.

It's pathetic.

This is a great car. An awesome car.
A bit showy perhaps,

and hard to park, but mostly
a majestic, inspiring, serene

and glorious blend of style
and engineering.

I just wish
it was like the Humber Bridge.

I wish it was something
we could be proud of.

Thanks! You've made me feel good
about being British... and stupid.
And useless. Sorry.

The British and Germans do good
stuff. The new Mini? Yep.

The Range Rover? Mmm. And this.
You're absolutely right, actually.

Germans on their own are useless.

All leather shorts and oompah
music designing a Mercedes Maybach.

Maybach's a case in point.
It costs the same - ?250,000.

It's the same size,
but it's just a stretch Mercedes.

They've shoved a branch of Dixons
in the front

and fitted DFS leatherette
reclining sofas in the back.

This is the only true luxury car.
I can explain why. Look. Mmm.

They could've taken a big BMW and
stuffed it full of kit, as you said.

But they went to this and thought,
"What's luxury really about? "

Not gadgets.
It's about peace and quiet,

and light and air and space,
big space.

You can't have a luxury caravan,
can you? No.

Rolls Royce does have a problem.
I was talking to an Arab friend.

He's got a Ferrari F40, an F50,
he's got an Enzo coming.

A Bentley, a Jaguar XJ220,
a Porsche 959

and a Toyota Previa for his wife.
LAUGHTER

He was saying, "I don't want a new
Rolls Royce, they're too flash. "

Yes. I look at that
beautiful woman on the grille
and do you know what I think?

What? Jimmy Saville.
LAUGHTER

And this is it. This is the crux.
Rolls Royce has built
a magnificent car.

They must be careful
who they sell it to.

Nobody called James.
James Saville, James Greaves, no.

James Tarbuck, not a chance.

James...YOU! James May, he can't
have one either. Sorry, mate.

So, the Cool Board.
Where does the Rolls go?

Right now it has been "Tarbucked"
with the Saville brush.

So it can only be uncool,
I'm afraid.

But I'll put this proviso on it.

It'll stay there
till I open Heat magazine

and there's one outside a nightclub
with a member of AC/DC falling out

into a pool of his own sick.

LAUGHTER

Then it's gonna go straight there.

It'll never happen. Sadly, no rock
star will ever buy the Rolls Royce.

It's too big to fit
in a swimming pool.

The Ferrari Enzo? Mmm. Three of
these sold in this country so far.

I think, all of them to rock stars?
True enough.

Eric Clapton has one.

Jay Kay has got one and the drummer
of Pink Floyd is getting one.

Even with the rock star effect,
it is not cool. What do we think?

It's trying too hard. Hold on
a minute, why is the Enzo cool?

It's got everything that
the McLaren F1 was ten years ago.
For that, it's cool.

I nodded off in the middle of that!

Where they're going wrong is this -
the Kristin Scott Thomas test.

Precisely. Here she is, look.

If you pull up to take her out
in a Ferrari Enzo, she'll say, "No,
can we go in my husband's Laguna?"

I've got the new Audi A3.

Cool.

No, that's uncool! There's a man
here I happen to know has an A3.

They're wonderful cars to drive.
You've got a beard! So?!

LAUGHTER

If you're gonna have an Audi,
buy an Audi not a VW Golf
that looks like an Audi.

I think that's an uncool car.

No, it isn't. It's uncool!

I know he's got a beard, but that's
a cool car. Wrong! No, it's cool.

And if you wanna do something
about it...

LAUGHTER

I like a reasoned debate.
Now, I think that's pretty much...

I'm gonna put this Alfa up here.

AUDIENCE: No!

Yes!
Yes. Thank you, yes.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

JeryT
Thank you.

A few weeks ago,
there were some local elections
and the turnout was dreadful.

People started wailing about voter
apathy and the death of democracy.

It's got nothing to do with any
of that. It's cos voting is boring!

So we thought
we could revolutionise democracy

by deciding the result of the next
election using an MG ZR race car.

The major political parties have
sent representatives to take part

and the first is from
the Legalise Cannabis Alliance.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Big party? Small.
This is Mark Gibson.

From the Official Monster Raving
Loony Party... Hooray! Whoo!

..this is Alan "Howling Laud" Hope.

Alan has no experience of this sort
of thing, but does have a Hyundai
and a cat that died recently.

High hopes here!

From the Green Party, Ian Dickson.

Hello. You do know
what you're here to do?

Yes. There's no bus lane and you'll
have to take your cycle clips off.

From the Liberal Democrat Party,
John Ault.

AUDIENCE BOOS

LAUGHTER

It's getting scary in here!

Now, I don't know if this is right,
but you're the only Lib Dem opposed
to speed bumps.

I don't like them unless there's two
together so I can jump the second!

From Labour, Richard Burden.
Wahey!

It's one.
You have done some racing.
Bits and pieces.

Finally, from the Tory party...

Finally, from the Tory party...
AUDIENCE BOOS

..the Shadow Defence Secretary
himself, Bernard Jenkin.
This isn't him, obviously.

Bernard can't make it here tonight
because he's in Iraq.

I don't know why you'd want
to be in Iraq. That's your fault!

Your boss was told by his boss
in America to have a war and he did

and Bernard can't be here. Gone.

I haven't.
He made it for the big day. Yes.

Just think, by the end of tonight
we could have a new government.

We'll find out how they all did
a bit later on. First, the news.

Anyone who's seen an aerial photo
of London

will have noticed the blue bus lane
running through the middle.

It's the Thames. Get buses off the
road and make them go on the river.

We've had a letter from a company
this week, saying they've built
such a thing. Look at that.

It's a bus boat.

It's goes down the river
and pulls out at the far end.
That's fantastic!

The bloke says he wants backing.

You won't get any from us. We spend
our money on petrol and crisps.

But anything that gets buses
off the road is a good idea.

Spending time in traffic is no fun.
We all have to do that.

This is a new service. It's called
"motor flirting". Motor what?
Flirting? Motor flirting.

Members display a sticker
in the back window of their car
with the logo on it.

Another member, when they see that
they think, "They look nice, "

they can contact this service,
give them the reg and they can send
text messages to that person.

Fat ugly blokes will be sending
each other text messages! Him! Him!

They will be texting each other!

"Instead of gazing through the
windscreen, text the motorist you
fancy! " There you go, have that!

I can straightaway
see another use for this.

You can contact people
in other cars.

You're on the motorway.
Say it's not foggy.

And somebody in front
has their fog light on.

You can send them a playful text
message to the effect...

Turn it off! Turn it off.
123-year-old man, turn it off!

LAUGHTER
Precisely!

The Queen of England

had a Rover P5.

I know because I'm sitting in it.

This IS the Queen's Rover P5.

When she ordered this,
she had a fleet of Rolls Royces.

They were chauffeur-driven.
This, she drove herself.

This was more your midweek luxury.

There were two shapes -
the upright saloon

and the coupe which, despite being
the coupe, still had four doors.

But it's this lowered roof line
that butches up the image

and makes it look more caddish.

Inside it was the poor man's Roller,
but still luxurious.

The holy trinity are here -
leather, wood and shag pile.
It's solid, regal and dignified.

"Gentleman's club on wheels"

may be a tired cliche today, but
it was actually coined for this car.

It was the backbone of England.

Harold Wilson had one and
he had a pipe rest fitted to it.

CHEERING AND BOOING
Maggie Thatcher,

when she drove round shouting
at trade unionists, she had one.

But beneath that cosy tradition
lay modernity.

It was Rover's first use
of a monocoque shell.

It could've handled worse than a
Sumo wrestler at a roller disco -

it barely had enough power to
challenge the most rotten chassis.

It struggled along with Rover's
flaccid 3L from 1958-1967.

Yeah, the P5 would do 65mph,

but it took 17 seconds to get there.

And yes it would do 100mph

but not without a fight.

In 1967, the Rover P5
got the engine it deserved.

And the Rover 3.5L V8 was born.

She finally had enough grunt

to shake the rough shag
out of Wilson's pipe.

It does make a nice noise.

That is a great noise! The trees
are moving a bit faster, too.

Shame it happened in the year his
transport minister, Barbara Castle,

introduced the 70mph speed limit.

So the 3.5L V8 engine

Rover P5B coupe is the one to
go for if you're buying one today.

You can get
a really good one for ?8,000

and a really, really good one
closer to ?11,000.

Like an elderly relative,
it will need care and attention

and you'll have to keep
an eye on it.

It hasn't got satellite-navigated,
remote-controlled airbag gizmos.

But it has something else. It has
innate luxuriousness. Ingrained.

The Rover had luxury built into it.

It's as English
as an oven glove with cats on.

Just think how comforting
its upright posture

must've been to the ex-public
schoolboys running the banks,
industry and, indeed, the nation.

When you're used to cold baths
and cross-country runs, a Rover P5
must've been a welcome sight.

It's a plate of mashed potato
on a refectory table.

I want to call it Nursey -
I bet some people did.

Just like Nursey,

the P5's starchy exterior conceals
a warm and comforting bosom

that makes everything all right
with the world.

Channel Four ran a programme
and named the 100 worst Britons.

I was a deserving 66.

But my guest tonight thrashed me.

Welcome Britain's 28th worst person,
Jamie Oliver!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That was a man.
I thought it was a bird.

I think his name's Cindy.
It isn't Cindy, mate. It's a bloke.

As it's our luxury programme,
have a Rocher. Thanks.

Maltesers that have won the Pools.

They get stuck in my throat.
We glued them together.

Let's talk about cars -
no, your scooter.

Yeah. Why do you have a scooter?

The scooter's the
fastest method of travel in London.

I'm fed up with sitting in traffic
in London. Drives me mad.

The scooter... I'd beat any Ferrari
in London. 3am, Baker Street.

LAUGHTER
You had a crash on it on television.

Several - oh, God, lately, yeah!
Tell the nice people what happened.

We were in Chicago and went on the
Oprah Winfrey Show, quite exciting.

And they did this little VT
of the things I've done.

"With Jamie Oliver! " And I drove
in between the audience.

A very proud moment -

this beautifully lit studio,
wonderful flowers and Oprah smiling.

You know when cars slip and you
correct it? There was none of that.

I just went straight on the floor
and I skidded on my front

about four or five metres.

They had an awkward family of eaters
from Chicago at a table for four

and I was going straight for them.

It was really scary, but great.

Did they leave it in? They did,
yeah. They thought I was a stunt man.

Having a scooter is better than
your car. It's a bit cold and wet.

And you've got a Maserati. Yeah.

What possessed you to do that?

It looks beautiful,
they're great value.

They're very fast, they sound
beautiful. Do you not agree, guys?

They won't agree! Oh... They know
about cars. That's why they're here.

But you drive a hairdresser's car
what can you say!

Your Stig took me out in it and
I've never been so scared in my life.

And erm... he crashed it.

Did he? He crashed it on the corner
and smashed up the wheels.

How did he do it? After, he said,
"I'm sorry about that.

"I could've missed that ditch,
but I wanted to show you how it
goes sideways. " Thanks very much.

Seriously. I'm sorry to have to do
this... We rang your restaurant

to find out what you
and your business know about cars.

It's 15, yeah? Yeah.

If you ring, a recorded message
says you can have lunch in...
Three or four months?

July. And for dinner you have to
wait till December. A long time.

So we said, "Could we have a table
for four, for Nigel Mansell?"
Guess when he can have a table.

Three or four months? Friday.

Really? You don't want "mono-brow"
in your restaurant, OK?

It was a trick, so cross him out
of the book... OK...

Don't forget - we are a charity.

Do you know what's funnier?
The next day we booked
for Gilles Villeneuve.

He's dead!

You know what I did?
I phoned and pretended to be you,

and they wouldn't give me a table
till December!

You are an Essex boy, yeah?

Yes. Do you do the Essex thing
with cars - tart them up...

I think it's the lead in the water
or something,

but everyone buys dodgy cars
and does 'em up with spoilers...

At one point my car was worth ?800,
and my stereo ?1,300!

It's just pathetic,
but I was there, so I'm guilty.

But you're still at it today -
you've got a camper van.

Oh, yeah. But not a normal
camper van. It's beautiful.

Just talk us through it.
It's behind us!

I love it dearly. I just wish it
worked more reliably.

What have you done to that?
I've kept it pretty original,

but I've got a pull-out double bed,
a kitchen, TV, DVD and all that
sort of stuff.

But I have got a Porsche 3. 6L engine
in the back, which...

We had this brilliant idea,

where we thought we'd see
if Jamie could cook in his van,

while going round our track
with the Stig driving.

Anyone want to see what happened?
AUDIENCE: Yes!

What we'll make is a beautiful
salad of mozzarella, fig, rocket,
mint - all those beautiful things.

I wanna tear up my mozzarella...

I wanna take the tips off my figs.
Oh, my Lord...

And what I wanna do, is...
put the olive oil in...

Just dress the salad...

Aaaaah!

Still making the salad!

If you toss this up
and put it on there...

Hopefully, it'll look nice.

That was horrible,
and I felt really sick afterwards.

Was he going for it? He was,
but I couldn't see anything. I
wanted to show off and make it good -

"Whatever he does, I'll make it
look beautiful. "

But when the car went, I was like,
"Aaaargh. "

You're not here just to fool around
on our track with your Maserati.

You're the Star In A Reasonably
Priced Car. You see how fast...

Yeah! I forgot about this!
..A Suzuki Liana.

Here's a list of people who've done
it, in this and the last series.

Is there anyone you'd like to beat?
Who do you think I wanted to beat?
AUDIENCE: Gordon Ramsay.

He's a good friend of mine
and I've spent my life chasing him,
and I want to beat him once.

But Gordon did it in exactly
the same time as me,
so you'll beat me too.

That's all right.

Shall we see how you got on?

If I beat you I'll be the happiest
boy in the world. And the deadest.
Let's have a look.

Gordon had a better start than that.
You should have gone to Specsavers!

Your window's down! You won't beat
Gordon, cos he had his window up!

Yes, my son!

That is really tight there.

Did I hit the camera? No.

Gordon had finished by now
and opened another restaurant.
Nice cornering!

That's neat as well.

And across the line...

So...you wanted to beat Gordon
Ramsay... Yes, please...who's here.

Please Gordon, you've got
your Michelin star, this is mine.

He's got more than one Michelin
star. OK, he's got several.

Jamie Oliver,
you have to beat one minute 50.

Yeah.
You did it in one minute...fifty...

..seconds. YES!

CHEERING

You needn't think
it'll look like that next week.

Have a bottle of Babycham.
Thanks.

Thank you for coming.
You have been brilliant. Ladies
and gentlemen - Jamie Oliver!

That's great!

Right, this is THE performance car
yardstick. It's the BMW M3.

You can use it every day,
OR take it to a track.
It'll set your trousers on fire.

Couple of things to know. Avoid the
sequential gearbox which is rubbish

and ruins the whole thing. Another
thing to avoid. Want to guess?

CROWD: The colour! Colour. I mean...

I won't have the red, blue or black
one, I'll have bile yellow!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS
So, avoid that and the gearbox,

and really, you can't do better.
Or can you?

This is the new Audi S4.

It doesn't look like much, but
they've put a V8 under the bonnet.

A big one.

4.2 litres.

They've given it more doors
than the BMW and more grip,

in the shape of four-wheel drive.

Then, there's the price. At ?36,000,
it's ?3,000 LESS than the M3.

So, this is Audi's lump hammer,
built to break BMW's nut.

ENGINES REV

So, has it worked?

TYRES SCREECH

ENGINE ROARS

Amazingly,
despite all Audi's hard work,

in a simple race down our runway,

this was the result...

You see,
although the Audi has 1,000 more cc

and two more cylinders,

it only develops
one more brake horsepower.

But what happens
when the road gets twisty?

TYRES SQUEAL

Being four-wheel drive, the Audi
is the opposite of a barbecue -
it's better when wet.

But it's also very good in the dry.

The handling

is ABSOLUTELY sublime.

This is harnessed lunacy.

But I still don't think
it's as much fun as the unhinged M3.

That's the thing about the Audi.

The engine is a masterpiece.
It really is.

And it's beautifully made
and very safe.

But in terms of sheer entertainment,

it's like a dinner party -

civilised conversation, glass of
wine, a bit of Sade on the stereo.

Now the BMW, on the other hand,

that's more like
a 2am Ibiza beach barbecue.

TYRES SCREECH

So, there you have it.

The yob...

.. and the provincial solicitor.

The Audi is better value,
more practical and more grown-up.

The BMW is more of a hoot and,
in a straight line, quicker.

But we do have one more test
to do -

to see which is the fastest
round our tracks.

That means breaking out The Stig.

That's a problem - he's been
to Nashville and developed
a penchant for Country & Western.

Yee-ha!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Right, first up, the BMW. 343 HP,
rear-wheel drive, 160kg lighter

than the Audi.
Not much can keep up with this.

It's VERY tidy
through the hammerhead and...
Woah-ho - that's seriously quick!

The S4 will need to be pretty
special to get close to this.

Here is the Audi. Four-wheel drive.
What is The Stig listening to?

COUNTRY & WESTERN MUSIC PLayS

Looking good so far.
Little bit of understeer,

but that's not really
slowed him down.

It's the hammerhead. It's THE test
for heavy cars - will it run wide?

No, he's kept it in check. God...

As he blasts
into the follow-through...

A seriously quick car -
fantastic V8 engine,
almost as good as the BMW's.

One more corner...
He's running very wide.

And it's across the line in...

Actually, we'll have to do
the BMW time first.
That did it in one minute 31. 8 -

quicker than an Esprit V8.

However, the Audi S4, which we know
is slower in a straight line,

did it in one minute 30. 9 -
nearly a second quicker!

Just off the Murcielago!
What about in the wet?

It's funny you should mention that.
I was talking to a racing driver
who'd been out in a Lister Storm,

in a race, and it poured with rain.
They sent out the safety car,
which was an Audi RS4.

It was going round to bunch them
all up, and the bloke in the Lister
Storm got on the car-to-pit radio

and said, "Slow him down,
I can't keep up! " They're very good
in the wet AND dry.

So what will you have, Jeremy?

For one lap of a track the M3 is
the one I'd choose, but every day...

The Audi. The Audi.

It's time to sort the big political
issue. That's not foundation
hospitals or Clare Short,

but which is the fastest
political party?

First up, the Tories.

I'm gonna set your music going.
Good luck, take care. Thank you.

Go!
TYRES SCREECH

And clearly Bernard's not
for turning. Doh! Yes he is.

MUSIC PLayS: "Jerusalem" by Parry

Is it me or is that naffest PA ever?

A pretty good performance
from the Tories, but he could
still lose his deposit.

CLOCK CHIMES

Hold on, I've just got to stop
everything here because there
has been a complaint.

Iain Duncan Smith is going to send
a letter to Greg Dyke,

complaining that the BBC is biased
against the Tory party.

The BBC is taking this very
seriously, and so are we!

We saw Bernard Jenkin go round our
dry test track and set his time.

Then we made the other candidates
wait a little bit... until this.

Take care out there. Be brave.
Here's your music. I'll give you
a count-off, OK? Good luck. OK.

ENGINE REVS

For Lib Dem, that was very,
"We went that way, and that was it. "
Down the middle. Really decisive.

And a well-fought campaign there.
But is it a safe seat?
CLOCK CHIMES

I don't even have a licence -
I can't drive! Oh, dear.

CLOCK CHIMES

I have my suspicions
that he might just be a ringer.

He's clearly not a ringer.
I've just seen what's going...

There's some interesting
gear change action occurring.

AUDIENCE LAUGH

Hmm... Could this be a wasted vote?

REGGAE MUSIC PLayS
Yeah, that's chilled. Fire it up.

ENGINE REVS

Things are probably
coming up faster for him.

Mmm! Bit of a shock. I'm guessing.

Of course, the question is,
is he gonna roll?

After the race, probably.

CLOCK CHIMES

The Greens.

Watch out for rabbits and stuff.
Thank you. If I do I'll bring it
back. I'll leave you to it.

This will make you feel better.
MUSIC: "What A Wonderful World"
by The Ramones

ENGINE REVS AND TYRES SQUEAL
The world's first ecologically
sound wheel-spin there.

He left his indicator on. Yeah. I
don't suppose that'll slow him up.

Uh-oh. It looks like the
Green Party's about to have a big
impact on the environment.

But no, he's saved it.

CLOCK CHIMES

But now, our current leaders.

This is the original for you.
MUSIC STRIKES UP

Start your engine.
I'll give you a count off.
ENGINE REVS

Oh dear.
Still, things can only get better.

We can expect a bit of spin
from the Labour Party. Wahey!

There's no spin, but typically,
Labour don't know whether to go to
the left or the right of the line.

But he was soon back on message.
CLOCK CHIMES

Now, just before you write in
to complain, there was a bit of
a brouhaha following that.

Some went in the wet, some in
the dry. All those who went in the
wet had another go this morning.

So, these are the official results.
As the official returning officer
for Top Gear, here they are.

In sixth place,
Alan "Howling Laud" Hope...

Official Monster Raving Loony.

..with two minutes, 13.

In fifth place, Bernard Jenkin MP...
Conservative.

..with one minute 41.8.

In fourth place, Ian Dixon... Green.
..with a time of one minute
41 seconds.

And in third place, Richard Burden,
MP... Labour...one minute, 38.8.

And that means, ladies and
gentleman, we have a new opposition.
And that is Mark Gibson...

Legalise Cannabis Alliance.

..With a time of one minute, 36.5.
And we have a new government
this evening, ladies and gentlemen.

To lead that is John Ault... Lib
Democrat...With one minute, 33.9.

CHEERS

And here is your reward.
It's a safe seat.

It came out of a Volvo, so enjoy
that. There aren't many Liberal
Democrat safe seats, but thank you.

So, round of applause there.

Good night.

Subtitles by BBC Broadcast - 2003