Top Gear (2002–…): Season 10, Episode 10 - German Performance Saloon Cars - Top Gear Awards 2007 - full transcript

Tonight, the great,
the good and the rubbish

in the Top Gear Awards.

We go on a motoring holiday
with the Stig,

and Dr Who travels
through space and time

a bit more slowly than usual.

Speed up!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome!

Thank you so much, thank you.

Wow! Now, we begin with James May

who has found a car that seems
to make him rather cross.



This is the culprit...

..the Jaguar S-Type.

This car really, really winds me up.

It sums up everything
that's wrong with Jaguar.

You see, what they did with
the S-Type was to make a car

that they hoped would appeal to
Germans and Americans

and, you may ask,
what's wrong with that?

Well, quite a lot, actually.

You see, Mr Jonathan Foreigner has
this ridiculously outdated view of
what Britain is.

He thinks we all live in
Anne Hathaway's cottage

and then go out to Ye Olde Tearooms
where we eat some Kendal Mint Cake.

Then maybe we'll go out to a red
phone box and ring up some
Beefeaters in the Tower of London,

to see if we can have
our bowler hats back.

It's rubbish!



And Jaguar absolutely pandered
to this view with the S-Type.

Just look at that retro grille -

it's gawpingly awful.

Now, I've been banging on
about this for years.

And maybe, at last,
they've listened.

Because this is the replacement
for the S-Type...

Grrr!..the Jaguar XF.

As soon as you look at it you think,
Ah, that's more like it.

Look at the new grille and
the subtly bulging bonnet

and the gills on the side...!

Then there's the back,

which looks as though
it came from the XK.

Sounds like an XK as well.
You ready?

IT ROARS

This is the first time since
I started this job

that I've been in a Jaguar saloon

and felt that I was
in the right decade.

In Beverly Hills
your retired dentist,

he's going to have a heart attack
because,!That's not
a proper Jaguar.!

Well, so be it.

And there are more treats
on the inside.

Imagine you're a bank manager.

Now, in the olden days you'd have
climbed into your Jaguar,

checked your parting in the
polished woodwork of your fascia,

and you'd have been on your way.

Now though...

..the first thing you notice is this
red starter button pulsating
like a heartbeat.

You touch that once to turn
the ignition on,

and you're immediately bathed in
this beautiful pale blue light,

Iike something from a funky vodka
bar and then, look at that!

Look at those opening.

Put your foot on the brake, press
it again to start the engine...

and this thing rises up
from the centre console.

That is actually the gear change.

I know none of that
is strictly necessary,

but as you watch it you can feel
all those years of financial
drudgery just falling away,

until your 12 years old and back in
the world of Thunderbirds.

However, once you look past
all this futuristic garnish,

it's not quite so Tomorrow's World.

Under the skin, the basic structure
is from the old S-Type,

and the suspension is from the XK.

The engines are also pretty old hat.

We've still got the V6 diesel,
the V6 petrol and the V8 petrol,

with or without the supercharger,

and they've been around
for donkey's years.

As Clarkson pointed out when he
drove the XK,

you get the sense that Jaguar is
pushing the limits not
of its technology,

but of its overdraft.

But, if you were to keep
any old bits, it'd be these

because for a saloon,
this is superb.

It goes like a four-door XK.

It has the supercharger
on the 4.2-litre V8,

and it'll do nought to 60
in 5.1 seconds.

But interestingly this isn't
the most powerful version
they're going to make.

There will be a Jaguar XFR,
with even more POWER.

And guess who'll be driving
that one.

The BMW M3 is the world's
best-selling performance car.

And is driven exclusively by BLEEP.

That doesn't matter.
It does, honestly,

because every single one of them
talks about marketing and solutions

and they've all got those ridiculous
mobile-phone earpieces in.
He's right.

The point is there's a new one out.

To see if it's any good,
I took it to Spain

to the Stig's favourite
holiday resort.

Behind tough security,
to keep out the riff raff,

there are pleasant gardens
where he can relax,

a pool where he can unwind,

and in the evening
a top-notch restaurant,

where he can gorge on meat.

It's a lovely spot
with excellent views,

and - oh, yes, nearly forgot -

in the grounds there's a
51/2-kilometre race track.

It was built as a plaything
by a Dutch oil billionaire

and features copies of some
of the best corners

from other race tracks
around the world.

It is a fantastic place.

But the car I'm driving
is even better.

TYRES SCREECH

The last M3 had a
straight-six engine.

This has a four-litre V8.

But don't think for a minute
it's become a big, lazy muscle car.

Yes, it's a big V8,
but it revs at 8,300rpm.

It's such a screamer.

That said, it is softer
than the old car.

And more forgiving,

but it's also noticeably faster.

Get out of the way.

TYRES SCREECH

That'll be Jeremy then.
Here I come.

This is Mercedes' answer to the M3.

It's the AMG C-Class
and it's not a car,

it's a complete animal.

TYRES SCREECH

Oh! Cripes!

TYRES SCREECH

You don't really drive this car,
you cling on for dear life!

Sure, the new M3 has a
top-notch conventional weapon
under the bonnet,

but this,

this has a nuke.

It's a 6.2 litre V8.

It's not the full-fat 6.2
they put in their bigger cars.

But even this semi-skimmed version

has 450 brake horse power.

So the 'umph' is as phenomenal
as the noise it makes.

ENGINE ROARS

Listen to that!

It's not only louder, more powerful

and more exciting than the M3,

but it's simpler as well.

It even has an automatic gear box.

I will admit, however,
that there are one or two things

I'm not sure about.

It's not a very pretty car.

I don't like the way Merc
has copied BMW's iDrive system,

their old control centre was better,
it was easier to use.

And then, rising above all this,

is the problem -

the traction control.

ENGINE ROARS

When it's on,
it's constantly interfering,

every time you go near the throttle.

Eventually, of course, you become
impatient and turn it off.

But be advised, if you do that,

you'd better be awake.

TYRES SCREECH

Oops-a-daisy.

I've got it. There...
Oh, there. No.

This is just an axe murderer
with headlights.

And I absolutely adore it.

This is mental.

Jeremy, there's more to life
than a big shouty engine.

No, there isn't. I'm
sorry, but the whole point of an M3

is you can't tell
it isn't an ordinary BMW.

Look, it's got M3 written here,
grooves...

It's got more trinkets on it
than a pensioner's mantelpiece.

I'm sorry, you cannot pitch up in
your sparkly disco glitter ball...

Nobody ever said a Mercedes
had to be restrained.
you like the chrome. Honestly.

I don't like the chrome very much.

Well, that's all there is.

Sunshine roof - oh, you haven't
got one. What the hell? What?

What's this? Carbon fibre.

Carbon fibre roof?

It's to keep the centre
of gravity low,

it keeps the weight down in the car,
it's light, that helps the balance.

That's why this is such a good car.
It makes you look like a BLEEP.
Like your chrome is gonna help.

Both of those cars are ostentatious.

Has the captain arrived?
I believe so. In an Audi.

This Audi is a very, very good car.
Couldn't agree with you more.

I remember when I drove this
a couple of years ago,

I believed that was one of
the greatest engines ever made.

But you cannot ignore
the engine in that Mercedes.

You just can't. Nobody saw
a 6.2 litre...

..With 6.3 written on the side!

That's just... Is it a 6.2?
Yes. It says 6.3 on it.

Because that's history
and tradition. It's lying.

It's just a random number. It isn't.

'Instead of bickering,
we decided to get scientific
and discuss practicality. '

First things first,
I'll just get in the back.

Ya! Yes, all right!

There is a four-door version coming.

And the rear legroom is?
Plentiful.

Pitiful. The Audi.

And - oh, deary me!

If we pop this seat
into MY driving position...

That's hardly a fair test.

Do you want to hop in? I'd love to!
Oh, I can't. I've got legs!

'We could have argued all day,
but when it comes to practicality,

'facts are the facts. '

The Mercedes has the biggest engine,
the most gears,

the most space in the front,
the most space in the back,

and the biggest boot.

The end.

After this momentous victory
for the Mercedes,

I decided we should
have a drag race.

I'm actually, for the first time
in one of our drag races,
genuinely tense about this.

I want this car to win.

Don't lose! Don't lose, mad car.

If I take the handbrake off,
that'll increase my chances.

I'm not going to win this.
I'm going to humiliate them.

ENGINES REV

'Despite its four-wheel drive
system, the Audi took the lead. '

I'm winning, I'm winning.

'And then lost it. '

Come on, come on!

Come on, baby, come on.

How did that happen?

Rock 'n' roll!

No, no, no!

Loser!

Oh!

That's a pointless
and irrelevant test.

James and Richard were annoyed.

They'd lost out to the Merc's
superior practicality

and its straight-line performance.

Desperate for a victory,
James got out his tape measure

to try and find any area
where the Audi was best.

I'm measuring the steering wheel
to see whose is fattest.

Meanwhile, Richard hauled me into
the circuit's conference suite,
for a PowerPoint presentation.

Right, what I've got here is
a graph showing the torque curves
for each of the three...

You're only doing this on
a PowerPoint so M3 drivers
know what you're on about.

It's the easiest way to show it. No.

What do you want for supper,
darling? I'll get the laptop.

As you can see on this graph,
40% of me wants shepherd's pie
with peas... Shut up!

.. 60% wants lamb chops. That's
an increase... Pay attention.

This is useful information.
These are the torque curves.

That's your Mercedes,
that's the Audi, that's the BMW.

Jezza's wing mirrors
are an inch bigger than mine.

So, the blue line is the Mercedes
and that's on the top.

You've immediately assumed,
being you, that higher up the graph
is better. Is it?

Yes, it is.

Hammond's are two foot as well.

I've got the smallest
windscreen wipers.

Have you got power?
Yes. Look at the blue line!

It's not as simple as that.
You've got to look at the...
Yeah, you're...

You've lost. I have.

Yes!

My gear stick's got the biggest
knob diameter by half an inch.

APPLAUSE

You are such a child!

I am a child, I admit.

We'll pick that up later on because
now it's time to put a star
in our reasonably-priced car.

My guest tonight needs
no introduction

because he's Dr Who!
Ladies and gentlemen, David Tennant!

How are you? Very good, very good.
Have a seat. Thank you.

You are like a good-looking version
of Richard Hammond.

The smoking jacket thing...

This is new.
I've never worn this before.

This is new too.
Will you be wearing it again? No.

It's so nice to have a good-looking
chap in that chair for once.

And popular too.
Two years you've won the most
popular television actor

at the National Television Awards,
am I right?

I think that might be accurate, yes.

I didn't spoil it for you
by telling you you'd won
while the nominations...

Is that what that meant? Yeah.

I may have actually got all the
winners and losers before

and I had a great evening telling
the losers...

Now, as a kid, is it true
you wanted to be Dr Who?

Didn't everyone
who grew up in the '70s?

I thought they did. Yeah...

I wanted to be Julie Christie's
underwear.

I don't know where to go with that.

Wherever you like.

You wanted to be the Doctor.

I did, yeah. I thought that would be
quite a laugh.

Then I grew up and thought, that's
never going to happen, that's absurd,
but I'd quite like to be an actor.

Then, funnily enough,
it came back round again.
Who'd have thought it? I know.

You took your name from
Neil Tennant, is that right?

It sort of is. I was 16 when
I joined Equity, the actors' union.

There's a rule that there's not
allowed to be two actors
with the same name.

So, David McDonald, my real name,
was disallowed.

So, at 16, I thought,
where do you find a new name from?

So I looked in Smash Hits.

That's what you read when you're 16,
isn't it?

It's a good job it wasn't Madonna.
Yes. You'd look ridiculous then.

So that was it...
I read somewhere, how many times
have you auditioned for Taggart?

Oh, about 26.

No way.

I went up for Taggart every week
in Scotland and they
never gave me a part.

You must be the only Scottish person
never in Taggart. Some people have
played four different murderers!

So we've got the Christmas special,
obviously.

What's the storyline?
It's a big disaster movie, really.

The Titanic has crashed through
the walls of the TARDIS.

At the end of the last series,
you might have caught that.

Mayhem ensues from there on in.

Kylie Minogue is serving
as a waitress on the Titanic.

She gets swept up... By you?

Yeah, a little bit. Um...

Cos I know you've got two hearts.
Yeah.

So, have you got two...?
LAUGHTER

You'll have to ask Kylie.

Well, Billy Piper calls you
David ten-inch, doesn't she?

That could be two fives...

God bless her for it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Have you ever asked about
the details of the TARDIS?

Do you know how it works?
Of course I do. How does it work?
You wouldn't understand. Try me.

It's very complicated.

Is it? Is there some maths?

It's got a lot to do
with a gravitic anomaliser.

I thought it would do. Yeah.

What's its top speed?

Er, well, it's relative.

As is time.

Ahh!

All right. Cars.

Yeah.

Occasionally we have people on
with pretty poor car histories.

Yeah, sure. James Blunt springs to
mind. It was one and it was a Lada.

Right. You talk us through it.

My first car - Ford Fiesta.

Second car?

Ford Escort.

We're moving up. Yeah.

And then?

And then, I had a Skoda.

LAUGHTER

You see, it's still a punch line.
It is. If it's a good car...?

Is it a modern or an old Skoda?
Modern Skoda. A non-comedy...
I still have the Skoda.

You do! Yeah. Dr Who has a Skoda.

Yes. What sort is it?
Skoda Octavia Ambiente.

It was the best car I had
until recently when it went in
for a service

and came back with a list of things
which suddenly made it
not financially viable any more.

You haven't got the Skoda? I do,
but I'm trading it in next week.

By the time this broadcasts
I'll have done the exchange
so they'll have got it by then.

Someone will be going,!I've got
Dr Who's BLEEP. It doesn't work!!

!What are all these
flashing lights?!

I understand that you've been -
how can I put this? -

whinging about when Billie Piper
came here, about her lap.

And how you think
she may have cut the corner a bit.

To be fair, Jeremy... Yeah?

I've seen it. She clearly drove
a track that she made up.

You're right. She did make it up.

And then you said, we're going to
have to deduct, or add a few extra
seconds for you.

We did say that.

Then she just kind of battered
her eyelids at you...

and her time stands.

Actually, the main reason was...

she had a completely
see-through top on.

I can't deduct points for that.

Could you?
Listen, Billie's very charming...

Mmm.

I've been on the receiving end
of her eyelid-fluttering... Yes.

It butters many parsnips. But...

LAUGHTER

I just know she'll beat me now and
I'll never hear the end of it!

We don't know. We don't know
if you've cut corners or anything.

All I do know, is that you did have
a bit of a problem with third gear.

Yeah.

Who'd like to see David's problems
with third gear?

Yes?
AUDIENCE: Yes!

Let's play this.

Third gear, come on, find it.
There it is.

Where are you, third gear?
Thank you.

Third gear, you loony.

Fourth. Come on.

Third gear, where are you?

Oh, there you are.

It wouldn't go in!

Do you know where third gear was
after he finished
that particular session?

All over the track.

I broke the car, didn't I?

You broke third gear.

Yeah. So we got you the spare car
and who'd like to see
what he did to that?

AUDIENCE: Yeah!
Here we go!

TYRES SCREECH

A good fast start with a lot of
wheel spin and some Scottish mist.

Yeah. Coming down
to the first corner.

What am I looking at the wing mirror
for? There's no-one behind me!

It's good highway-code sense. It is.

And across the zebra very fast.
That's probably a bit too fast.

That was bad! That was BAD!

Yeah. It is the understeer.
You've got to kill that understeer
by being slower to go faster.

It sounds ridiculous but it's true.
I know, and I could hear the Stig
in my head every time I messed up.

This is better. Yeah! Look at that!

That's a very good hammerhead.
It's pretty good.

Speed up!

It does look slower on the telly
than it is when you're in the car.

Get right out to the edge.
Third gear, come on!

No! Fourth through there!

Fourth through the tyres.
That's a good line.
It's good I made the camera wobble.

Braking. Third gear. Braking.

That's a bit slow.
Quite pedestrian actually.

Very slow.

Here we go, round Gambon.
There we go, and across the line!

It's...

Oh.

It's so frustrating though.

It's so frustrating because
I didn't have a clean round.

I didn't have one round
when I didn't do something stupid.

But you didn't cross any lines.

So I don't have to flutter
my eyelids at you. No, you don't.

So, where do you think you came?
It's not great.

Jools Hollandish?

1.49.9. No, it's better than that.

Good. You're in the 1.40s.
Have I beaten Billie, the Piper?

What did she do?

Apparently, she did 1.48.3.

She did a 1.48.3.
You did a 1.48...

Come on.

...8.

AUDIENCE: Ohh.

Billie Piper the assistant
is faster than the master.

But strictly speaking... Yeah?

..where Billie's, you know,
taking her penalties...

You'd have been faster.
If you'd have thought to wear
a black see-through top,

you would now have beaten
Simon Cowell.

If I undo a button...

No. James might rush in
and put you further up, but no...

Anyway, there you are and it's been
a pleasure having you here.

Lovely to be here.
Thank you for coming.

Ladies and gentlemen, David Tennant.

And now...

Hush. And now it is time for the
glittering Top Gear awards ceremony

held here in front of
whoever's bothered to turn up.

Yes, it's where we celebrate
all that's good and bad
in the world of cars

here in the glittering West End
of Guildford.

It is now time for the lifetime
achievement award.

Now, this is awarded to the person
who's done the most

to ruin the lives of Britain's
33 million motorists.

And the nominees are:

Ken Livingstone, for not realising
that the introduction of bendy buses
to London's streets

is about as sensible as introducing
a fleet of oil tankers
to the Shropshire Union Canal.

Ken Livingstone,

for deciding that
if you earn a living and pay tax,

and spend some of what's left
on a car,

and then pay value added tax
on that,

and then buy some road fund licence
tax to put the car on the road

and then pay fuel duty tax
on the fuel and value added tax
on that fuel duty tax,

you should then pay ?25 tax

to drive into the centre
of the capital.

Right, and the final nomination
is Ken Livingstone,

for putting my flat 50 yards inside
the new enlarged congestion zone.

Jeremy, it's about 33 million
motorists, not just you.

Right, the winner. Where is it?
Here we go.

It's not Ken Livingstone!

It's the traffic Wombles
who close motorways for six hours

every single time somebody's
door mirror comes off
so they can retrieve it safely.

So, well done, them.

APPLAUSE

OK. This is the award
for the ugliest car of the year.

And the nominations... There's
no point. It's the Mini Clubman.

It is. By miles.

That's the ugliest.

So, let's get on.
Here's the big one.
The worst car of the year award.

The nominations... Actually,
it's the Mini Clubman, isn't it?

No, it's not.
It isn't the Mini Clubman!

No, it isn't the Mini Clubman.

No. The winner this year
and indeed for every year
whilst we have breath in our bodies,

is the most stupid,
useless and dangerous car
ever to stalk the Earth.

It is the totally terrible
and disgusting G-Wiz.

It's not a car that, is it? No.

Neither is it, as they claim
to get round safety regulations,
a quadricycle.

But we did think,
with a few modifications,

it might just make a very good
radio-controlled car.

I went to find out.

For this experiment,
we've come here to Swindon.

It's the Wiltshire branch
of the Science Museum.

So, it's got the sort of academic
atmosphere we need.

It's also got a socking great runway

which is excellent,
because a good radio-control car

needs to be fast.

So, that means we'll have to make
our normal G-Wiz a lot faster.

Let me demonstrate the problem
with speed by carrying out
a simple drag race.

I shall pilot the G-Wiz.

48 volts.

0-40 in quite a while.

And I'll put it up against
an everyday normal car.

A genuine 500-horsepower Mustang.

Should be close.

CARS REV

..Two, one, go!

We're off, we're off, we're off!

It's pulling away.

It's pulled away some more.

So, not good.

But, our radio-controlled version
should pep things up.

We've made it using the scientific
principle of more is more.

Basically it's got ten times more
battery power.

And to help put that power down
we fitted it with fat tyres
from a Formula 3 racing car.

So, let's run the drag race again.

Three, two, one, go!

Yeah. Try that!

That's more like it.
Come on! Come on!

Yes.

Come on!

Yes!

But a good radio-control car
should also handle well.

So, along with the fat tyres,

our G-Wiz has been lowered
and widened.

To test its handling
we've made ourselves a circuit

and to really find out
if our mods have worked,

it'll be racing against
a conventional remote-control car.

Now, for this race, I shall pilot
the little remote-control car

because to get the best
out of the G-Wiz for this test,

it needs to be controlled
by our finest driver.

Someone who has never sat
on Santa's knee.

Someone who has never watched
Moonraker on Boxing Day.

Right, here we go.

Oh, come on!

Not to worry. I had a back-up.

Yes!

First corner coming up.

Time to see what the Stig makes
of our handling changes.

Oh, he won't like that.

No, that's not good.

Second corner.

And I knew that if I caught the Stig
he'd squash me again.

But no matter.

Because the pick-up is carrying
a special low.

When I press this little button...

BUZZ

Oh, yeah.

It worked.

That's one less.

Oh, yes. It's a start.
That is what's called a start. Yeah.

And now, the award for the
worst-dressed presenter on Top Gear.

LAUGHTER

Whoa!

And the nominations are...

Richard Hammond's shorts
in the London race.

Yeah.

And Richard Hammond's Spandau Ballet
tribute coat a couple of weeks ago.

Yeah. Check that out.

The winner, and I have
a good feeling about this one...

Oh.

It's Jeremy Clarkson
from a British Leyland cars film
for his dry suit.

What? I thought
that was in the bag for me!

Whoa, yeah.

I'm sorry. What about James May
in the Aston Martin? Look!

Ah, yes, but I'm not actually
dressed at all there.

All right, I'll move on. This is for
the best noise we've heard all year.

And the nominations are...
the Ascari A10.

LOUD ENGINE NOISE

Ooh, that's a good noise.

The Aston Martin DBS for this.

LOUD ROAR

And the tunnel we went through
on the Italian Riviera.

LOUD ECHOING ENGINE NOISE

But the winner was in fact
none of those.

The best noise we heard in motoring
all year

was Richard Hammond
when Oliver sank.

Float!

Oliver!

Yeah.

You thought you'd seen the last
of him, but we've flown him
9,000 miles to be here tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Oliver is here!

Oliver! Oliver!

We're going to burn it!

Yes, we are! No!

Hey, hey, hey,
time for the best driver award.

This is for the guest who's
come to our track and performed,
not the fastest, but the best.

The nominations are...
Jennifer Saunders.

Can't let the girls down. She was
nearly the fastest of all of them.

We were hugely impressed
with her competitiveness and style.

Then there was Lawrence Dallaglio
who was also fast,

bearing in mind he'd turned up
with two 400lb shoulder muscles.

The winner actually it turns out
is the fastest.
It's Simon Cowell, everybody.

Sadly, Simon couldn't be here
to collect his award in person,

so earlier today,
James dropped it off at his house.

This is it.

DOORBELL RINGS

DOORBELL RINGS

Well done, anyway.

To Simon!

Well done, Simon.

If you haven't got your award,
the milkman has it.

Right, that's that one done.
We can move on to the big one.

The Top Gear
Car of the Year Award 2007.

This is a tricky one
because we decided
that all three of us had to agree.

It was very hard to find one
we all liked.

The Aston Martin DBS I nominated,
because it's the most fun
I've had all year. Too expensive.

James said it was too expensive
so that was that out.

What about the Porsche 911 GT3 RS?
Broke down,
and it has scaffolding in back.

If you won't agree. It has to be
the Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead.

Puff Diddley would feel daft scooting
about in one of those. It is flashy.

It is a bit ostentatious, James,
if we're honest. All right.

Audi R8? It's brilliant.
It's a fabulous car,
but I just don't want one.

The Audio R8 is like... It's like
going on holiday in Germany.

Everything is very clean and
efficient, you just don't go there.

It's lacking something. Yeah. Um...

Has anybody got any ideas
what could be our Car of the Year?

AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT
Who said Oliver?

Oliver! Yeah.

I would rather eat
my gentleman vegetables.

We've had a Fiat 500. Fiat 500.
James... Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Anyone else?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Suzuki Swift!
For crying out loud! Suzuki Swift!

It is actually a very good car. This
is important. It's like the Oscars.

Ah, I've got an idea.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Ford Mondeo!
The same one! The Ford Mondeo.

Actually, I can't think
of anything wrong with it.

James, can you think of anything
wrong with the Ford Mondeo? It
drives well. I can't. It looks good.

It's got a huge amount of space.
It drives as well as a Beamer.

Loads of dealers.
I like the interior.

Very well priced. Good engines.
There's loads of room.

Hmm! As it happens. As it happens,
we never mentioned it when it came
out, we never road tested it,

but there we are, the 2007 Top Gear
Car of the Year is... What about
the Subaru Legacy Outback?

That's brilliant!
That is an excellent car.

That's made it complicated.
No, it hasn't. Here we go.

The most prestigious award
in motoring,

the Top Gear Car of the Year 2007
is...

either...

the Subaru Legacy Outback
or the Ford Mondeo.

Yeah! Well done! One of those two!

Now, earlier on, the three of us were
at a private race track in Spain.

Fabulous place -
pools, restaurants, the lot -

but we were there
to find out which is the best
small, fast German saloon.

I reckoned it was the BMW M3,
James reckoned it was the Audi RS4

and Jeremy reckoned it was
the 6.2 litre Mercedes C-Class.

Yes, and after part one of the film,
the Mercedes was winning.

I had the largest diameter knob.

You did, however, the Mercedes
was the fastest in a straight line,
the most practical,

and the most powerful, and now we're
going to get back to the action.

What we're going to do now
is find out how fast each car
will go round the track.

For that,
we need our team racing driver.

Some say that as we speak he is
actually relaxing in the resort pool
and he is, actually. He is.

MUZAK PLAYS

We dragged him out of the pool
and plonked him into
his holiday hire car.

This is Emerson Fittipaldi's
F1 Lotus,

which won the world championship
in 1972.

Amazingly, it produces
420 brake horsepower,

the same sort of power
you get from our saloons.

So, first up, let's see how fast
this gets round the track.

They brought that car out in 1970.
1971 season began.!What have you
done to change it?!!Nothing.!

Didn't change it until '75.
Every year, they said,
!It was good last year. Look!!

Aw!

An interesting thing about that car
is it had torsion beam suspension
which was forgiving in slow corners,

which made the tyres last longer.
You managed to find something boring
about something exciting. It isn't.

Do we have a time? 2.15.16.

Yes! 2.15.16 is... The time.
..the time it did.

The Stig then switched to the Merc.

I'm getting ready to run away.

Look at it! Look at it move!
What a machine!

Pile on the brakes. Look at that!
He's missed the apex.

He was going straight on!

When do you feel most alive?

When you're right...
that close to death.

Every time you get in that car,
the greatest thing in your life is
you can get out alive?

You get to every destination and go,
!Yes! I'm alive!! You don't think
that might wear a bit?

The Merc has more power
than the Lotus F1, but could it beat
its 2.15 lap time?

2.43.
LAUGHTER
You thought...

Next up, Captain Slow's Audi.

I'm going to be 430 years old
by the time it gets here.
So it's gonna take six months?

When it comes through, it'll look
quick. You'll be able to see it.

Oh!

So when you were saying that
it won't slide, what you meant was,
!I can't slide it.! Yes.

SCREECHING

I hate that sound of understeer.
That... Disappointing, isn't it?
It sounded disappointing.

Could we have a time, please?
2 minutes 43.5 to beat.

The RS4 did it in 2 minutes 43.9.

Ooh!
JEREMY LAUGHS

Hang on! That means your extra
45 horsepower has bought you
less than half a second.

All that noise. All that noise.
It is the sound made by an idiot.

So with the Audi out of the running,
it was the M3's turn.

It is impossible for your car
to be faster than my car.

I've got more brake horsepower
and more brake horsepower per ton.
It's out of control.

Boring! Boring?

Boring there.

M3 drivers have no friends.

It's just dreary. It's not dreary.
It's aggressive, it looks menacing,
purposeful, but not overstated.

The M3 did a 2 minute 38. 9.

RICHARD SIGHS

JEREMY COUGHS

That is quite funny.
RICHARD LAUGHS

'How can you argue with that? '

There's been a bit of an argument.

Jeremy told the Stig
he hadn't tried hard enough
in his Mercedes on the fast lap.

The Stig said the Mercedes
was too wayward and uncontrollable.

Jeremy said rubbish -
he could hit an apple on the apex
of any corner at full speed.

So, here's the apple, and here comes,
I imagine, a very big crash.

SCREECHING

Damn! I'll go again.

SCREECHING

SCREECHING

The important thing is,
Jeremy won't get bored.

SCREECHING

Actually, I did.

LAUGHTER

I'll bet you Stig couldn't do it
in your car. Don't have that bet.
I would eat it if he could hit it.

SCREECHING

The great taste of Michelin.

There was another issue
with the mad Merc.

Whoa! That's canvas showing!

Hang on, your rear tyres lasted...
how long? 35 miles.

That's going to be inconvenient
if you live 40 miles from work.

We left Stig to his holiday
and headed for home,

still unable to agree
which of our cars was the best.

On the way, we tried each other's
cars, and that made things worse.

This Audi is just a very,
very nice place to be.

That four-wheel drive system, after
all of our two-wheel drive lairiness,

suddenly to have that security,
that planted feel,

it does make sense.

This Mercedes is pretty revolting.

It's really chintzy and glitzy
and cheesy and...

It has a very exciting engine,
though.

Tremendous engine, in fact.
It's fantastic.

To annoy Hammond, I dressed like an
M3 driver before taking the wheel.

The thing is, we're not reviewing
the people who buy this car,
we're reviewing the car.

When Richard Hammond says it's
poised and balanced and precise,
he is talking absolute... sense.

What a car!

What a masterpiece!

So, sublime,

civilised,

insane.

All slightly different,
but, truth be told...

.. all absolutely brilliant!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd