Top Gear (2002–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Bus Jumps Over Motorbikes - full transcript

In tonight's program...

a supercar from a shed...

in Leicestershire...

A rock star in our reasonably priced car...

And how many motorbikes can you jump...

with a bus?

But first...

the 1960s.

Now it was possible to go fast back then
if you had enough money to buy a Ferrari...

or a Maserati.

But then one day, Ford thought...



hang on a minute, we've got all these
cars, flooding down our production lines...

why don't we fit some of them, with big engines.

Now, if you think about it, this was an
incredibly important moment cause suddenly...

everyone could afford to go fast.

They actually created the boy racer.

Suddenly, Mr. Barrington Smythe
who was doing down the motorway...

got overtaken by Barry Smith.

And we've actually been joined tonight by...

several members of the Ford RS Owners Club.

Here they are.

And let, no... let me give you a flavour of...

the kind of people who drive RS Fords okay?

-Lee.

-Your name is?



Lee? Okay.

Now standing at the back
there, we've got... Wayne.

Okay, now Wayne's girlfriend,
anyone wanna hazard a guess...

what Wayne's girlfriend... Tracy!

So it's...

A word of warning though.

A word of warning, which
I've learned over the years...

Never, ever...

slag off a fast Ford.

Cause these people don't
write polite letters saying...

Dear Sir, I strongly disagree with
what you said on Top Gear the other night.

Just, slug a brick.

Yeah, a brick, with git written on it...

comes through your... window.

And bearing that in mind,
Ford, should be worried.

Because when they dropped
the RS Escort Cosworth here...

they said, there would be
an RS version of the Focus.

They promised us, it would have...

300 horsepower...

and four wheel drive.

And here it is.

Now it is... quite a looker.

Well, it's better looking
than your hair actually...

Sorry mate, but... you got an RS?

RS hairdo that, fantastic.

Anyway, disappointingly, this...

doesn't have 300 horsepower
and four wheel drive, it has...

front wheel drive, and
only 212 brake horsepower.

Still, we're going to be testing it out...

on our track. But first of all,
we thought it'd be a good idea...

to have a look at the competition.

Most obvious contender is this... the Subaru Impreza.

So, we fitted it with the Stig...

and launched him...

onto our test track.

Whereas the Ford is a jumped up road car...

this is a scaled down rally car.

Turbocharged engine, four wheel drive.

Not the best looking car in the world, I admit.

And he crosses the line in...

here we come now, 1...

:39.

Next up is the Honda Civic Type R.

Now what you need to know about
the Civic most of all, is that...

my mother has one.

err, it's a mothery sort of car.

except of course for this one, which is a...

mother of a car.

Is it gonna beat the Subaru?

Is it gonna be faster? Crosses the line in...

1:38.06, and the Honda was faster than the Subaru.

Much to the disappointment of
the Subaru Owners Club, here all...

five of them...

who have been pointing out that if it was
raining, it would've been different, but it wasn't...

and you lost.

You lost.

Anyway, now is the time to find out how...

the watered down Ford gets on.

Traction Control switched off and...

On the left there we've got a
map of the circuit, on the right...

in the centre there's a G-meter there
that shows us how much G we're getting.

Down for acceleration. Up for braking.

Right and left obviously for cornering.

And that was nearly 1G through there, the first corner.

That's amazing.

That's about as much as you could possibly generate...

Corvettes used to generate that much.

Now he's going through the Steady State corner...

45 miles an hour.

50...

60...

66 on the exit.

Foot hard down. Now a really fast car is...

topping the tonne before he has to brake.

90... ooh...

99, didn't quite make the tonne as he brakes...

hard and into the hammerhead.

It's a left, and then a really hard right's...

gonna make understeer, everything understeer...

except the Honda didn't and...

Ooh wow, he's gone a bit wide there...

he's wide on the way out, that's okay. Now...

is he gonna reach 100 here, is he gonna lift?

Is he gonna lift for the Follow Through?

Changed up into fourth, and... yes...

lifted there down to 80 miles
an hour for the Follow Through...

so he didn't follow through, into Bentley Bend.

Into Bentley Bend.

And...

again, this is gonna be the fastest part
of the track, he's flat out through there.

Flat out still, 10... 102
miles an hour, that's very quick.

The Suzuki Liana's only doing 87. Through Baccarat...

Into the really tricky one where you spin all the...

power away.

Is it gonna waste all that power?

How tidy is it, let's look.

That's very tidy.

Well, there's one thing for sure...

the RS Owners Club won't be
poking dog mess through the...

Stig's letter box after that performance.

1:33.80.

That's nearly 4 seconds faster than the Honda.

4 seconds... that's a week...

if you're a dog.

So... plainly...

I had to go and drive this car...

in the real world.

But where?

Obviously it had to be somewhere
with miles and miles of...

empty roads. And that means finding somewhere on there...

where no one wants to live.

Wales!

Sheep.

There are so many empty roads out here,
it's hard to know where to start.

Welcome then, to RS country.

Nothing but the odd woolly
maggot, to spoil the fun.

Sitting here, there's no evidence that I'm
sitting in something that can nuke a Subaru Impreza.

Apart from the sporty seats and the start button and this...

hideous steering wheel...

which appears to have come from a Southall motorist's discounts store...

for 9.99 pounds.

It just feels like a normal...

3-door Focus. And um...

sounds like one too.

And, like a normal focus, there's no cup-holder.

There's nowhere to put my can of... piping hot coffee.

Even when you bury the throttle
into the Dagenham deep pile...

there are still no real clues.

Obviously, it's fast. I mean,
anything with a 2 liter...

turbocharged engine pumping out...

212 brake horsepower...

isn't gonna mooch around like a Saturday shop-girl.

But...

it doesn't have the same straight line oomph...

as a Subaru Impreza.

In fact from 0-100 miles an hour...

this is... 2 seconds slower.

The reason it was so fast around our track is simple...

this thing corners like it's in a cartoon.

Between the front wheels,
there's a new type of differential.

I won't bore you with how it works...

but I will tell you this...

you can turn into any corner,
and seemingly any speed...

and the front just goes... Boof!

Boof.

There's no fuss, no drama, no understeer, just...

endless grip.

It's rather like one of those...

American marines in a Hollywood movie...

Now matter how... suicidal the order,
no matter how stupid... it just obeys.

Sir, yes Sir!

Run in front of all those... enemy guns over there.

Sir, yes Sir!

Go around this hairpin bend at 150 miles an hour.

Sir, yes Sir!

It gets away with it, that's the
joke. It does go around hairpin bends...

at 150 miles an hour.

I have never driven a front wheel
drive car that drives so well...

I can't think of any car that grips so well. And yet...

this one is yours for less than 20,000 pounds.

So, once again, Ford has delivered
a supercar for supermarket prices.

This car does what all good
Fords should do; it brings power...

to the people.

I mean... look at the badges
you get in this one tiny area.

Brembo... RS... OZ Racing...

In clothing terms that like going around in a pair
of trousers that have been jointly designed by...

Oswald Boateng, Alexander McQueen and Paul Smith.

So, a fantastic car in every way then.

No.

Afraid not.

It's not... a very firm ride.

I don't like, a very firm ride.

In fact, the only people who are gonna mind
the very firm ride are people with osteoporosis.

And people who are old enough to have
osteoporosis will never buy a car...

that has a steering wheel, like this.

Especially, as it won't pick up Radio 2.

The horror.

I might have to listen to Radio 1.

The radio and the ride though are
nothing compared to what happens when you...

turn off a nice smooth A road like
this and head for somewhere like...

Yugvukveyeye...

On a bumpy, twisty road like this
one the differential causes the front...

wheels to squirm and writhe.

It's awful. It's like riding around on an...

angry horse.

That's not me making it duck and weave...

it's doing it itself.

Relax your grip or your concentration
for a second on a rural road...

and you'll end up in a sheep.

I used to have an Escort Cosworth.

I'm a huge fan of RS Fords and I
respect what they've done with this...

as a piece of engineering, it's brilliant.

It's so good in fact that I'm gonna let...

the cameraman take it back to the Top Gear bunker.

And me...

I'm gonna go... in the Subaru.

Or as they say in Wales where,
of course, they're allergic to vowels...

The Sbrrrrvvzzznnrrrgghh...

What was wrong with it?

I'll tell you what's wrong with it...

is that the diff, okay?

When you accelerate...

say, to pull out to overtake someone...

and you're going round a corner,
and you give it full throttle...

Yeah.

The diff just grabs the front wheels and you go...

in whatever direction they're pointing.

You're joking?

No you have... no control.

You just sit there and go, "Oh I have...
I'm not strong enough to turn this wheel."

And then...

If you run over a camber change or even a white line...

it grabs the wheels and pulls you the other way.

Super torque steer.

yeah so you lift off, and it goes,
"Oh, I'm not doing that anymore."

and you just wobble about, honestly...
If you had one of these, okay...

and then someone said,"where
do you work," you'd have to say...

well, wherever it takes me.

Thing is, no dealers in the UK have got these as demos.

So, if you're wanna buy one...
if you get into an RS, you know...

"I wanna buy an RS Focus...

but before I give you the money I wanna drive one."

You can't.

But I saw an ad the other day, someone was saying...

buy an RS Focus, what 1,200,
something or... 1,200 quid off list.

No?

Obviously, this is a bad plan.

Can't see that happening, it wouldn't
have been a Ford dealer for sure...

because, touring the Ford dealers, their Fords sold to...

March... April.

That's probably a broker... and
to be honest that's probably a spoof ad.

What we used to do all the time.

Really?

Yeah, advertise it when you
haven't got it. Phone will be red hot.

All the while phoning...

So he hasn't got any Focuses to sell.

I can't comment on the specific
incident, but I'd be very surprised.

So, how's it work, you phone up
and say,"I want the car," what's he gonna say?

Oh, thanks very much for phoning,
yeah, let me take your name and number. I'm...

very busy, I'll phone you back. Then they've got you...

and then they'll phone you back...
Oh fellow with the RS... Okay, yeah okay...

erm...

Take your credit card deposit and then we'll...
phone you back with the sh... all this kinda stuff.

Basically, all they want you to do is phone them.

And then at that point, as it gets closer and
closer to the delivery, chances are they'll say...

Oh, well actually we've got a
slight delay and that car's been put back...

but I have got the option on another one...

but it's gonna be closer to list price.

You're not gonna lose the car for 1000 pounds are you?

And that's it, you're suckered in.

What are you gonna do, March/April, when they say...

"we've got your new car, but it's list price."

You take it.

You take it, because if you go somewhere
else, you're at the back of the queue again.

In the news this week, more news of Americans...

becoming very, very gullible.

This is a bit... worrying
actually, the prob... I'm gonna...

quote direct from the press here...

The popularity of television broadcasts...

of live, high speed car chases...

has led to a dramatic rise in criminals
trying to out race pursuing officers.

This is Los Angeles. In other words...

they're surprised... that when you put these guys...

these guys stealing cars and
driving really fast on the telly...

more people do it.

No, you can buy a beeper...

and it goes off when a chase is happening.

Yeah.

And he'll be, "what, there's one
on, I'll turn over and watch that."

And the Americans are surprised
more people are stealing cars.

To this, they've actually got
people... there are cases of offenders...

waving to helicopters...

filming the pursuit and attempting spectacular...

"Get a load of this!"

And the thing is of course, they've
got those big powerful police cars...

they wouldn't work here... I don't think...

cause it would be like your beeper going off...

There's a medium speed police chase... chap in an Astra.

But, anyway... other items in the news...

Car news.

Vauxhall...

I love Vauxhall.

The on I particularly like...

is the Zafira.

It's the sort of Astra sized
estate thing, with 7 seats and...

fold the back seats into the boot.

Well now, they've done it again,
with an even smaller one...

It's called the Mer... iva.

and unpronounceable meaningless name... there it is.

That it?

That's a Meriva. Only got 5 seats...

but the ones in the back will fold into the floor...

completely.

Or you can take the middle one out.

Oh there's some shots of it, look, from the
mo... motorshow which is happening at the NEC...

Apparently serving up... lots of cars.

In Birmingham.

Look, they just fold into the floor
and you can take the middle ones out.

It's a fantastically clever piece of design. Vauxhall...

hopeless at everything, but very good at seats.

Well they are, they're really... I would...

family cars, these are very good. Zafira and that...

very, very good.

Maybe they should just make a range of furniture...

and forget the whole car thing.

Because your seats could fold into your floor...

In your living room... and you'd have loads of space.

Exactly.

And then if loads of people came
around you could fold them all out.

That's a, it's a... no, it is, it's a very good idea...

No mate, maybe we should...

Vauxhall seating in your dining room.

erm, I've got a ncie car coming up... Mazda...

RX-8, which is going to be glorious, it's a rotary engine...

which. of course means it's only a 1.3 and it develops...

250 brake horsepower.

Of course it's rot... yeah no... see...

well it's... oh no, it's a Wankel thing, isn't it?

It is.

That's a Wankel thing.

Just get the whole...

There's nothing funny about Wankel.

Wankel is cool. Says here...

that, as a safety measure...

a safety measure, the rear doors...

Cause it's got these... these
rearwards opening doors. The rear doors...

can only be opened when the front doors...

are open.

As a safety measure, which if you think about it...

mmhmm...

That's not a safety measure, that's
a really nasty design fault...

And they've thought...

Cause it's shiny side down in a ditch...

you wanna open all the doors pretty quick.

What I like is the optimism here,
in the press release it says...

he's talking about the engine right?

With a name derived from the word genesis...

derived from, so not similar...

They've called it the... Renesis.

I know what we're gonna do,
start with A... uh, Aenisis?

Benises...

Could've started with a P, could've been bad...

How'd they get it right?

That close.

The VW...

Touareg...

toua... tou...

we did evolve a technique for actually saying it.

Yeah... yeah...

Touareg (muffled).

How can you not know it's a...
it's a Saharan tribe of people.

-Yeah.

-The Touareg?

I don't wanna say it, but that's what it is.

It's the... Touareg.

The Touare... i'll tell you what it is, it's a...

Volk... it's a Porsche Cayenne...

with the word Porsche crossed out
and Volkswagen written in, in crayon.

The most amazing thing about that is the V10 diesel engine.

Yeah.

Oh, I've nodded off.

Just lost the... diese... aughhhhhhhh...

That's be fun...

but it... you say the word diesel
and my seat goes into recline mode.

Cause i'm...

We're not gonna get the fixed again now, you need...

Stop everything. At the NEC, this week...

Actually stop everything, I'll
tell you what I saw this morning...

Go on.

Ready? I saw a bus...

on the M4 bus lane.

An actual bus?

First time in 5 years...

It was a bu... it was an airport bus taking some
stewardesses for a little light sex in London.

But...

it was a bus.

How about... it was... I can't... it's a bus!

Splendid.

You can see everyone crammed into those
two lanes, been there for 4 & 1/2 years...

Finally one comes along...

It's worth their money now...

I mean it's... it's been used.

Yes, exactly, a million quid that cost.

Anyway, listen, the most important
thing of the week apart form the bus...

Yes...

is... MG, okay?

They have got a new car, at the motorshow, this week...

Here it is...

God, it's smoking badly. Like an early MG.

Anyway, this is it. Now I think
that is a fabulous looking car.

I think it's desperately...

desperately ugly.

But hey, that's my view.

You know those glasses you wear occasionally?

It's...

Where are you on this? Where are you on...

No, i'm... it...

Jeremy's there... there.

That tall lanky fellow over there.

Do you like it?

I'd have to see it in the flesh, no, um...

You see? you...

there's too many grilles, look at it.

That's like something designed
by a heating engineer, it is.

That's the first...

Except, anyway, it's a fantastic looking car.

Looking plumb.

It's a fantastic looking car...

Let's have a show of hands,
where are we. Show of hands.

Who think it's a fantastic looking car?

Who thinks it's ugly and got
too many radiator grilles?

Ah, yes.

That's kind of a split Jeremy.

That's 50/50.

Anyway, okay, well I'm gonna bring them round.

Would you like to know, about it's engines?

Yes?

Well it's got a Mustang V8 under there.

Not, no, it's not a very good engine that.

However...

You can get one standard tune...

and there's about 3 different levels of tune okay...

you can get one... 410 horsepower.

Well.

That's plenty in store, yeah.

65,000 pounds, 410, this is MG coming back.

However... they are selling
a range of accessories...

which will allow you to take that
power upto... anyone wanna guess?

965 brake horsepower.

That's 100 more than Michael
Schumacher has in his Ferrari.

In an MG.

In an MG.

In an MG. This is astonishing.
Do you you what they've... I mean...

What staggers me about that car...

is they can't possibly, have designed it...

in the time it's taken... since BMW left.

No.

They' must've... they must've had an underground...

Now they had... they must've...

production lie, that BMW, when they were running it...

never knew about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Vat are ze doing in ze parade ground?

I'll keep it quiet.

I'm not doing anything mate, i'm just uh...

This is something... something near the houses.

Vat is zis vaulting horse you haf here?

Underneath...

Have ve looked underneath ze stove?

They had one there...

and he was going to... just about
BMW leaving you know, the day...

Ve haf tried and ve haf failed wiz you people...

Turrah...

Turrah mate... take car, be good, thanks for coming.

Right, break out that V8, get the supercharger,
kick the nitrous, we'll get something...

going here, let's...

Time to get it started.

They had that lot, al...
all those cars they've done...

Must have.

ZTs and the ZRs and the ZSs...

Yeah...

In secret.

They had that lot, ready to go
as soon as BMW were out the door.

Good on 'em.

Right, erm... I feel the need for some science...

coming on now, okay?

Now, how many times in our lives
are we gonna have to watch some...

insane loon, jumping over buses on a motorbike?

you know the, off a ramp...

It would be rather more interesting,
rather than jumping buses in a bike...

big wow...

to see how many bikes you can jump...

with a bus. So we did.

We must nearly all of us remember, in 1978...

Eddie Kidd, legendary stunt motorcyclist
and the inspiration behind a million...

scuffed elbows, and bent push bikes...

jumped, 14 buses.

But we wanted to do it differently.

We wanted to see what would
happen if you jumped a bus...

over 14 bikes. Now that would be something.

14 bikes, that's about 30 feet.

Okay, Eddie Kidd's jump was nearer 200 feet...

but the, he wasn't doing it, in a bus.

It's a 1970s Daimler Fleetline.

11 liter engine, in cream
and green, the Ipswich livery.

And it's... a beauty.

And that's... the set-up.

We honestly have no idea, what's gonna happen.

But then that's often the way with science.

Sometimes you've just gotta have faith, in your ideas.

Ahh, the joy of prolonging that...

Ah, we're gonna do it, we're
gonna do it later on so...

we'll put you out of your misery,
but I just thought, I mean...

how many bikes do you reckon it actually cleared?

I reckon...

A million.

A milli... no, I reckon...

I don't know this actually, I reckon...

5.

5? Okay, let's have a look at a couple more...

more suggestions?

There were 14, you fool. Struggle...

There were 14 there... pieces...

Would he have went back and did
them again, that wouldn't count...

Right, well, look, we will take your
bets over the next, you know, few moments...

3.

Write some down and... and you
could win a... uh, something...

Packet of Werther's Originals.

Nice.

Yeah, it's okay.

Now, this...

down here, is the Noble M12 GTO.

It's plastic body, is made in
South Africa, by a company that...

makes plastic replicas of ACs...

for the American market.

It's then flown...

in an aeroplane to Leicestershire...

where it's taken to a shed, where a man...

called Lee, fits it with a Mondeo engine.

Not a particularly promising start then.

But it's not a bad car.

It's not a bad car at all.

It's quite a dainty looking little
thing, but that huge wing on the back...

suggests it's no fairy cake.

It's... much the same story in here.

It's very comfortable. Lovely ride.

I've got tonnes of space, I've got air conditioning...

steering wheel adjust, it's nicely trimmed.

Look, they've even covered the roll cage in... Alcantara.

But listen...

Sounds like Darth Vader's in the boot.

Where are the plans of the rebel base?

Sister?

Obi-Wan was wise to hide this from me.

What an extraordinary noise.

Ooh, I like that.

Actually that's the sound of 2 turbos...

which have been glued to
the Mondeo engine to give it...

a bit more punch.

A lot more actually.

If you floor the throttle, there's a
bit of a pause while the turbos build up...

and then...

0-60, takes 4.4 seconds and then...

it'll wheeze it's way to 165
miles an hour which it's doing now.

This is a quick car.

but actually it's not the power or
the looks which set the Noble apart...

It's the way it goes round corners...

You've probably heard people
prattling on about... the...

Ferrari 355 or the Lotus Elise, well...

probably heard me prattling
on about them actually but...

this is in a different league.

It doesn't feel like the steering
wheel is connected to the tyres by...

anything, so mundane as mechanics or engineering.

It's like driving... using the force.

Use the force, Jeremy, use the force.

And it absolutely, will not, understeer.

There's just tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of grip...

and then...

when it does let go...

it's the back, which just gently...

calmly...

steps out of line.

You know, I've driven...

some pretty good cars in my time...

well to be perfectly honest, I've
driven every car in my time but...

this, as far as handling is concerned...

purely as a driver's car...

I think it's my favourite.

I really do.

Listen to that soun... *laughter*

I don't know another car like this.

Just so love it.

I shall go after Skywalker.

Get me my Noble.

It's better than stuff costing ten times as much...

40,000 pounds?

It's a bargain.

Now you may have noticed
in that film just there that...

the brakelights were flicking
on and off all the time...

that wasn't me left foot braking...

I don't know how to left
foot brake and if I tried...

I'd crash. That's so... there's obviously a...

loose connection.

And there are some other things wrong
with it, look at this for instance...

to open the front or the back you need a screwdriver.

Then, we've got the window.

That's Noble's idea, of down.

And you should see it's turning circle.

Right, this is a... the V
word, the double V word in fact...

doing a u-turn, there we are,
that's how much space it needs.

Here's the Noble, full lock. And...

Oh Lord.

that's not completely brilliant is it?

You need Belgium to turn around in.

Jeremy, stop it, thats dirty.

It's also not very nice to look at actually.

Sorry I...

Seriously, apart from the turning circle which...

is disastrous, is it really that good?

mmm, yes. do we all like it?

Everyone? Anyone not like it?

Fair enough, so it's a fantastic car.

Fair enough, so it's... it's that good.

Well, every fast car that we test here is...

gonna go round our test track and set a laptime...

so we can evaluate them all against one
another and it's all fair so the Stig drives them.

The times go up there on
our Power Car Laptime Board...

so let's see what the Stig did with it.

the problems of the British
weather, look at that track...

it's absolutely soaking wet, but the Stig has no...

fear at all as he heads on
down for that nasty little...

jump just before the first corner,
really unsettles a bad chassis...

but it won't unsettle that, believe me.

Look at him, in he goes, how fast was that?
That was 100 miles an hour pretty much.

not it wasn't... yes it was, it was almost
100 miles an hour through that first corner.

Down to 60. Coming up through there...
this is gonna be tricky cause the...

back's gonna go very, very light.

Brakelights on, that doesn't mean anything...

through there, look, not even...

what is he listening to in there?

Anyone catch that?

Except the silence...

And here we go, down the main straight, 97...

100...

102...

105...

that was a 105 miles an hour, let's remember the...

Ford Focus earlier was only doing
99 and that was on a dry track.

Right, through the Hammerhead, no need to worry
about understeer there, it doesn't do that...

even when it's raining. And down
the main straight, brake hard...

he's never gonna get through the
Follow Through flat out, is he?

Is he? 94... no he's lifted.

But he's... that's 100 miles an hour.

That is seriously quick.

That is so fast.

This is going to be a fast
laptime even on a fast track.

Now he's onto the main straight...

And, what speed we gonna...
look at his speed... 106...

That's 106 miles an hour.

And the braking time, that's three times the
braking distance, as you turn into Baccarat Bend...

He's gonna have to brake again for Carpenter's...

Is he gonna get that tail out?
Is he gonna keep it nice a smooth?

Maximum power, and across the line in 1...

:32.90 on a wet track.

Do you think it's brave,
The Stig or just a bit stupid?

It's a racing driver, it doesn't understand fear.

I really wouldn't do that.

I just... I, I reckon...

I'm gonna round that up cause... I'm gonna put it to 1:33 but
I'm gonna put a W cause it was wet and then we'll remember.

And you know, the extraordinary thing is...

wet... and this is a 40,000 pound car, and the Zonda...

that was... a 310,000 pound car.

Quite an achievement...

It's not at all bad...

You know when the Zonda went around so quickly?

1:23.

And we did say...

If you've got a car that you reckon can do it...

quicker than that, contact us.

We we're expecting some pretty exotic stuff...

We've ha... we've had some
emails. Actually, we've had...

thousands.

Its... It makes us worry about
our audience, some of these.

There's a guy here... on this email...

who says he'll easily do it in his...

Triumph Spitfire.

It's 65 brake horsepower, might as
well try and do it in his tumble dryer...

Another guy reckons he'll
smash the time, and that's...

quoted directly from the email; smash the time...

in his 911 turbo.

I've got three words for you...

no...

you...

won't.

Let's talk about rockstars. Most of
them today wouldn't know a good car...

if it offered to pleasure
them in the back of a limo.

All they want really is to...

get invited on Ant & Lard and
be picked up in a sponsored Citroen.

They're pathetic.

but, my guest tonight,
he's a proper rockstar...

you gave him a car like
this, he'd probably lose it...

or drive it into his moat.

Ladies and gentleman...
Jamiroquai front man, Jay Kay!

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Actually, you are quite a car fan aren't you?

Just a bit.

Really, serious...

Cause we were going through
the office the other day...

Yeah...

and I was working on my perfect
garage and it would have...

a Mercedes Pullman...

Ferrari 550...

Lamborghini Miura...

SV.

SV.

Of course.

Have you got any of those?

Yeah...

all of them.

And what else?

erm... There's a, a 360
Spider, which is outside...

DB5...

Concourse 2002 Turbo...

'74... or something...

That one actually interests me...

The little Tur...

Why have you got a 2002?

I call it...

And because it's the...
I've always had 2002s...

Tired of... my first car
was a 1602, which is...

a little underpowered job.

What, your very first ever car?

My very ever first car which I...

bought off on a... two old ladies...

with some letters with it that
said, "We did 1500 miles in it...

this year."

I'm gonna do 1500 miles a week, you know...

And, uh, that was a '72
car, it had all the original...

stickers and everything, and
uh, then I went up to TIs to...

Touring International, Touring
Injection Internationals...

then I had a dog of a Turbo,
cause some of them are real dogs...

and it did for about 15... 1572 of them.

And now I've... I've got a Concours, ex-BMW Car Club winner...

A really good one?

Cause weren't you more of a fan of the 3 liter...

A really, really...

CSLs?

I used to have an original Batmobile, yeah.

Oh, really? A 3.2?

I had a 3.2 CSL yeah.

See, how boring can we get on numbers here?

Yeah, yeah...

Where did it all come from, your love of cars?

Umm, I, uh... my mum had a...

a Triumph Herald 1360...

convertible.

Best turning circle...

of any car.

Umm, but...

Well that was something in it's favour.

Yeah, no, it was um... it was... I just spent...

most... I spent all my life on the road...

and... and you know when you're in
the back, I mean, in those days...

they didn't really, you know...
not everything had a motor in it.

And, erm... you know... and I...
I spent my whole time in the back of the car...

and just looking out of the car... I mean,
I knew every car on the road, you know?

This is when you were a kid?

that was when I was tiny, you know what I mean, I was about...

Oh, really?

4 and 5, I knew every car on the road, everything.

I mean now, I don't know anything cause they all look the same.

Cause your mum was in entertainment...

Your mum was an entertainer as well, wasn't she?

Yeah, yeah...

my mum was a singer, so it was a lot of miles, all the time...

Anyway, listen we've got a little game...

Yes?

I haven't seen this, so... cause
I'm gonna play it with you...

we've go... cause I was, I could
say Maserati before I could say mummy...

but we're gonna put some pictures of...

Right.

bits of cars on the screen, we'll...

Oh, I like these games...

see, and you all join in okay?

I love these games.

We'll see if we can see what sort of car it is.

Cause I'm such a sucker for this, I sit and watch...

old 70s movies like The Sweeney got... ooh look...

Okay then, here's one for you... what's that?

That's part of a Ferrari Enzo.

It is, it's the rear wing on a Ferrari Enzo.

Are we right? Yes?

I thank you.

Yes, he can speak.

Ferrari Enzo, yeah, all right, 1:0 to you...

go on then, second one...

co... coming... coming soon, at a highway near you.

I've gotta have it.

Anything g... why?

Why?

It's not a pretty car.

It's a... stunning looking thing.

You know why? I mean... because, because that's...

and there's gonna come the day
they won't make cars like that anymore.

so let's not even go there, let's look at the next one...

Okay...

What is it?

Z...

It's a Mini, the new Mini.

If that is...

He's so good at this.

Thank you.

I told you I like this game.

Fantastic... I'm staggere... no, no...

You didn't believe me did you?

Do you know something really funny? Absolutely true.

We didn't tell you we were gonna do this...

This is not prepared.

No, no...

I didn't know we were gonna do this.

come on, let's have another one...

Well, that could be lots of things.

It's a Golf.

Oh my word.

Actually that's not a Golf.

It's not a Golf.

What is it?

A what?

If that's a Vectra... oh, I said the word.

Oh I... still don't know. It is, it's a Vectra.

That is a phenomenon...

It's a phenomenon... yeah, yeah...

Ladies and gentle...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen...

I believe this car is a phenomenon.

Phenomenon.

Yeah, it's... it's not really a phenomenon is it?

It's rubbish.

It's...

Not as bad as the other one, it's just... rubbish.

Anyway, last one and I'm on nought, which means we will be swapping jobs...

that means we swap cars...

houses, and, have your... Enzo.

And have the Enzo.

And have your house with a moat.

And the moat, which you, too,
can drive your G-Wagen into.

Have you driven a car... you
have driven a car into a moat.

I did yeah, I got it in there...

Oh...

this is fantastic.

Well done.

I came round the corner in the
G-Wagen and I said to the...

two guys I was taking round the
land, it was 80 acres, you know...

and I got... I started off really
nicely and I said, you wanna...

have a go? And he said, "no it's
all right, you know the land."

I mean, famous last words...
You know the land, so I'll let you do it.

Came out of the corner at 60...

G-Wagen, a big old... thumping great, vermacht G500...

and I look, i'm doing 60... oh, oh, oh dear...

oh, understeer, oh, oh, oh...

oh, look, bank, oh river, oh...

Splotch...

And the guy looked round at me, just went...

What you doin'?

And then I looked round again, and then
the other one in the back, big builder went...

we're sinkin'.

And that was that, and you know
what I mean... it was like...

Let's have a look at this picture.

That's just a black hole.

What's that?

What's that there?

I don't know, I'm trying to work this out, can we ju...

Does anyone here...

You know, this is Top Gear, have
you all come to a gardening program?

What is it?

Well, what's that?

Anyone got an id... what?

What, Lamborghini what?

Murcielago, I was gonna say that... did cross my mind.

It's something to do with the vents that come up, isn't it?

What, the slidey things? Can you pull back? Let's have a look.

Oh, no. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah...

clea... clear as day, there's that little...

there you go, there it is, Murcielago, yeah...

Clear as day what?

Oh, God, oh...

I tell you what though, he did well with the little square... like that...

He did, that was... I'd have to buy that, great car that...

Don't show us up next time, yeah?

Well done you, Have you driven one?

No, I haven't yet...

Cause you are a fairly wicked driver...

You know, because of the, the...
the work, you know... the type of...

job I do, which I wanna get
rid of and swap for this one now.

I'm gonna swap it for your job.

Anytime, I'll swap with you...

Erm, er, yeah... a bit...

You wouldn't like it, I can assure you.

anytime.

No... your fans wouldn't like it.

No, no, yes... no, they wouldn't like it.

Who's that croaking?

Exactly.

Erm, no, um, you know... I don't get...

as much track time as, as... as
I'd like to and you know, and I mean...

What's the fastest you've ever been then?

Everytime i'd surge cause everybody
thinks I'm just some thug on the road, but...

I did do Rome to Calais in 13 hours and hit 190.

Which was, uh, definitely...

That's really good actually.

Did the mental ma... arithmetic there.

Yeah...

Rome to Calais, 13 hours, yeah...

That's really proper fast.

The needle, the needle didn't drop below 140, really.

Even in the petrol stations?

Er, yeah...

That's just... I presume that this is in...

a few?

I visited a few, yeah, well it's a...

it's always that balanced isn't it?

Do I go a bit slower and not visit so many?

No, go faster cause...

I mean you wonder why that bloke
in the Morris Minor is ahead of you still...

You know, because the other thing is
that every petrol station you stop in Europe...

you go, "Ooh I'll have that cuddly toy and...

there's an in... there's an interesting
interior light thing on a thing...

and I'll have... one of those
and even though I've got ten...

of them at home and something to
stick on the window and all this...

rubbish."

Anyway, of course, as you know...

Yeah...

Yoou haven't just come down here
to chat and play silly kids' games.

No.

Reason, that we have a celebrity
guest every week is so that they go out...

and play... Star in a Reasonably Price Car. They drive...

round our track, in our Suzuki Liana.

Now, you did that earlier today yes?

I did.

There's actually something quite
funny about Harry Enfield here last week...

he drove the car in standard tune.

Heard it was Jay Kay, we put a rollcage in it.

We're gonna be seeing later on...

how you did.

Yes, okay.

Actually, have you driven the RS Focus?

I have. I was... I was given one just last week yes.

Did you... like it?

I...

can't say I did like it much... no.

-Really?

-No.

I... I found...

What, you found all that...

Oh, yeah, I mean... it was like... oh oh... there it goes.

oh there it goes again.

It is... absolutely terrifying.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's... it's
quite, I, I, I... you know, I mean...

Nicely put together, nice, nicely...

Yeah.

Looks nice on the way out.

The thing is though...

it's RSs. We're gonna get on and talk a bit more on RSs...

we were talking about them earlier, because what interests me...

by putting those engines, in like normal family...

cars, it was like when Marks & Spencer...

started selling pumpkin & ricotta soup.
You could go in there and think...

I can afford this exotic food...

That's great, I can do it... and that's
what it was like with RSs. If you think about it...

whenever a TV producer...

wants to sort of portray his
detective as soft and gentle like...

Bergerac gets that old Triumph and Morse gets the Jag...

but then when he wants him to be a hard, gritty...

you know, tough guy...

Professionals type, he sticks them in a RS2000.

Yeah, you get the Professionals...

and you get Spender.

The thing about the Professionals is...

That I... I still need to, even now, however
many years down the line, it still has an effect...

if you put someone in an RS Ford...

horns, grow out of the...

Look, I'll tell you what happened okay?
All these RS people, they came down here...

this morning, we said... Oh you can
have a drive round the track if you like.

This is their idea, of a drive round the track.

Look at this, watch this...

is he going to drive through here... quietly?

Nope, nope, nope, not... even managed to squeal.

It's more funny how, we never said drive fast...

we said,we just wanna get some shots...

No.

this is their idea of normal driving.

No, just... drive round.

Yeah.

That's severe.

Look at that, look at that.

Excuse me, is... this is your Capri isn't it?

Yeah, you're... you're wanted on the phone.

Yeah, it's just over there... just...

Alright thanks.

I've never driven one, never driven one..

Jeremy, that's the man's car.

He's looking for the phone.

Of course, Jeremy, you didn't
drive, this, the RS200, did you?

No, I didn't, no.

Probably just as well for it really, cause
they're quite rare and you have driven one...

I did in the summer actually, I...
for a video I was making, I did.

Yeah.

Didn't go so well, did it, Jeremy?

Do you like to have a look? I think we should.

Let's have a look.

The RS200 was always a tricky car to drive...

It's never really...

fells like it... you're in control...

Here comes the power, here it...

wow, that's...

Don't...

You can't clap him.

You can't clap him for that...

It's a secret...

thing where I've been humiliated by Jay Kay...

Jeremy, how...

now you've humiliated m...

And how long after setting off did you do that Jeremy?

Not long.

No, his first corner wasn't it?

It... it was the first corner.

And you broke it.

I did brake it. Anyway, gonna move on now...

okay? We're gonna humiliate some other people.

When we were putting this series together...

we were looking for new prese...
God knows how we ended up you...

actually, but we were looking
for a lot of new presenters.

People sent their tapes in right?

Now this one is from a chap called Gaz...

okay? Let's show you what Gaz's tape looked like.

Hello and welcome to... Gaz on Motors...

Today, we're gonna be looking at...

instrumentation.

Speedos in particular...

You can tell this is...

Oh he's still going on...

*Technical talk*

Gaz was heroically dull, wasn't he?

So, you see, you just got the job, but it was close.

But, do you know someone who's more boring than that?

hm? Because, if you do...

why don't you drop us a line?

We are looking for the biggest car bore, in Britain.

And the address is... what shall we have?

I know a car bore and I've enclosed his name...

Top Gear, BBC...

London W12 7TS.

Or, if you live near an internet...

you could contact us on that. Or...

if you've got one of those
wireless telephones, text message us.

This week's insider dealings, got a
couple of real bargains for you...

What are they?

Ah, well, last week's cheap
Citroens, we got another one for you.

erm... C5, not a bad car...

but it's up against a lot of really good ones.

And, erm... the...

It is quite a bad car.

It's not that bad.

It's not, it's great spec...

Well, it's like treading in long dirt,
it's not as bad as having your legged chopped off...

but it's still pretty unpleasant.

Okay, well the base model, the
petrol base model, just isn't selling...

the car's about 14,500 new, retail...

I was offered one, this week, brand new...

for 10,000.

10,000 quid?

Yeah, 10,000...

1.8, you got air-con, you got CD...

electric windows, power steering, trick suspension...

for 10,000.

Rover 75?

Not a bad car, probably the best
Rover they've made for a number of years.

Not much competition.

Not much competition.

2.0 liter V6, good engine. But they've just dropped it...

they're replacing it with a 1.8 turbo...

it's a little bit more... efficient
on fuel, lower emissions and so forth...

what it does mean is dealers for 2.0
liter V6s are out there doing a deal.

So, if you want a cheap Rover 75,
and you can find a 2.0 liter V6...

you're gonna get a bargain.

How much of a bargain?

Talk to your dealer. There's no official figures...

but they will do a deal, guaranteed.

Big deals?

Big deals.

Oh, nice.

erm... Used car bargain. If anybody here
fancies a supermini, now is the time to buy one...

erm... things like, Citroen Saxos...

Fiat Seicentos, all the kind of small stuff...

and there's a very good reason for it.

Because this is the time of the year that the dealers...

change their courtesy cars, their loan cars; the kind
of thing you get when your cars are in for a service...

and they tend to run superminis, they're normally...

Why do they change them at this time of the year?

Well, it's a good... good reason for it, they build those cars...

in Europe, most of them are built in Europe, and in...

July and August, they shut the factory and retool...

Yeah.

erm... to prepare for the new models, next year models.

Yeah.

This is the time of year the new models hit the UK...

so basically what they're doing is chang...

So, they bought them a year ago...

Yeah.

now they're flogging them on.

Yeah, flogging them on. They'll... they'll be base cars...

3 doors, non metallics and that kind of thing...

but, you can get a 12... 12 month old car for 4,000.

4,000.

Four?

That's seriously cheap.

That is cheap actually.

Yeah.

erm... Another used car bargain...
we got a... erm... BMW 7 series...

do you know what the new one's like? Pretty ugly?

erm... New sales of that are
not good, but the impact of that...

the new ones made the old one look really, really old...

really old fashioned.

So the prices are dropping big style.

Really?

Really, really dropping, massively.

If you've got one, it's bad news,
cause it's gonna be worth peanuts...

but if you wanna go and buy one, it's great news.

Give you a little example, this is
a car that was offered this week, 728i...

with a bit of spec on it, 2001 on a Y, so that car's...

18 months old.

The guy paid nearly 46,000 for it new.

Today, selling that car without
doing a deal, without even negotiating...

he'll take 24,000 for it.

It's a half price car.

Yeah.

Do we feel sorry for him? No.

No.

Rotten bit of luck.

erm... And final thing, bit of a used car tip really...

if you're a person who does low mileage...

chances are when you go to look for another, used car...

you... you're kind of fascinated.
You wanna buy another car with low mileage...

uh, it's absolutely the wrong thing to do...

if you do low mileage, the thing to
do is actually buy a car with...

massively high mileage.

Reason being, the cars with over 60,000 miles...

are being hit in the trade big time.

So they are so cheap, it's untrue.

Give you an example, you can go out and buy a '97 P plate...

Mercedes estate car, C200, something like that...

with average mileage, 50,000 miles...

it'll cost you 9,500.

Yeah.

Okay? Not a bad car.

Or you could buy one with higher
mileage, say 80,000 miles, and you get...

2000 model year, a car three years newer...

for the same money.

Really?

Absolutely, so if you're doing low mileage...

you run it for a couple of years...

Cause these engines will last 150...

probably even 200,000 miles.

Absolutely...

this is the thing, so don't be
afraid of the mileage basically.

80-90,000 mile car, you're still
gonna have 60,000 miles left in it.

So, that means, in the last 2 minutes,
you've saved everyone about 25,000 pounds.

Hopefully, yeah.

Thanks very much for that. Now, Jay...

good news...

you were once told, that you couldn't be a rally driver...

now we're gonna find out, how good you are...

or bad, on a track. we've got the tape.

Okay.

You wanna see it?

Might as well.

Run it.

Okay.

I like this third gear business.

I like this third gear business.

I must get this right.

I must, learn to drive...

properly.

And it's a side turning there... and it's there.

It's there. That's better. That's better.

That's better. That's better.

That's there all the way.

This the one... ooh.

Don't be panicked, don't be tempted to put too much power on.

That's beautiful.

I'm gonna get this down even further.

Get it out of reach of Clarkson and his henchmen.

This is the one, this is the punisher.

76...

80...

82... bang it in there.

And back we go...

It's flat in third, come on...

In third?

Yeah but I don't wanna...

In a fourth gear corner?

Yeah, but then you'd... you'd never keep the revs up.

And there.

Well, you'd keep the speed up,
and flat through there, through there?

Flat. Flat.

Okay, how fast did you get along here?

This is a crucial bit...

Err...

Well, I think I... well I dunno... I'm, I'm trying to..

87 I once hit there.

Have you ever driven anything as cheap as this in your life?

Err, listen...

lets... before we say this is cheap... okay?

This is... this is, 10,000 pounds for that...

9,995.

Oh, I'm sorry...

And, here we go...

and you're across the line... in the 9,995 car.

I crossed the line... in the car.

And I, oh...

God, I'm... I... I don't know.

What are you doing here?

What happens...

Have you lost it?

Oh, look at that, ladies and gentlemen...

and handbrake turn.

...turn.

# Beaten Jeremy, I've beaten
Jeremy Clarkson on the track. #

Now...

These are the times so far.

Can we get a camera nice and tight on Jay because...

I've got your laptime, okay?

We're gonna get nice and tight...

Jay... Kay...

Okay?

1...

:48.10.

That's astonishing.

Get it up there... get it up there...
straighten it up... straighten it up.

Genuinely happy about that.

It's not that I'm a sore loser, or anything...

You're just gutted.

You're smarting inside.

I'm hurt.

I know, I can se...

So hurt...

that I'm gonna humiliate you by
showing everyone a little clip...

of you doing some practice...

in the Suzuki.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Kay!

Right, right...

I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna do this...

I'm gonna say it...

I don't like all RSs.

Okay?

I'm sorry, I ju...

I just don't. There were some...

I couldn't get on with. Let me explain.

The whole '80s RS thing...

huge bonnet scoops and spoilers...

I dunno, it all kind of left
me behind a bit, left me a bit...

cold.

No, for me...

the RS legend wears sideburns and a rally jacket...

so I look back in lust...

at this; the Ford RS 1800.

It was only made for two years
and was killed off in 1977.

'Course, you might have missed that...

'77 was quiet a busy year.

I was 6...

and I howled with desire every time I saw one.

God, I wanted one. And no, I didn't just want one...

I really, really needed one.

It had absolutely everything you could want...

alloy wheels, Recaro seats...

tonnes of racing pedigree...

even a wing on the back... wow.

If all that sounds a bit meek...

next to today's rather more spectacular stuff...

let me put it into context for you.

The RS 1800 is Ford's most successful...

rally car, ever.

It still wins today in Clubman and International rallies.

And it still wins.

This had, proper credibility...

real pedigree. It didn't earn its stripes...

joyriding, and you didn't judge its success by...

the size of the insurance claims.

I always, always wanted to drive one...

and I'm gonna drive this one... oh boy.

This is every bit as delicious as I thought it would be.

It's a machine, a proper machine, it's got...

moving parts, and it's not ashamed of it.

It may only boast 115 brake horsepower now...

sure, you can get scooters with that much...

but underneath at the front, there's an 1800cc...

double overhead cam, 16 valve...

alloy-blocked Cosworth engine.

And in 1975, that was the equivalent of...

cruise missile technology.

This was clever high tech stuff.

Really, it was.

Mind you, as soon as you go through
anything like a chicane, you're...

well aware of the fact that we've
got old car springs at the back.

Body control really wasn't what it is today.

4.9 million Escorts were sold in the UK...

of which, 109...

were RS 1800s.

That tells you something about the rarity...

There are 25 of them left running today.

Interestingly, 2 of the 109 made...

were red, of which one survived.

So, if you're digging around in your shed...

and you find a red one...

look after it, it's worth a couple of quid.

See, mark my words, there is gonna be a huge market...

for 1970s cars, because...

people like us, grew up with
them. Couldn't afford 'em then...

couldn't drive 'em then. Now we can...

and if we're lucky, we can afford to buy them.

Do you know, in an odd way...

it's getting to feel...

like an antique, and I don't mean cause of the age.

I think it's to do with the controls.

They're somehow finer, more delicate to operate.

They haven't got that engineered in chunkiness you get...

in modern car controls.

But don't let the antique thing fool you...

in its day, that was a potent force.

That, if you ask me, is a proper RS.

See? I like RSs as well. Can
I explain something about that...

Do you know... I wasn't really going...

well I wasn't really going very fast.

No, you weren't.

No, well...

I thought you were being a bit light in your loafers.

The guy who owned it was there...

Ah.

and he's really big and scary, so I drove like Sister Wendy.

I'm sorry. Anyway...

action, serious action now...

buses, jumping over motorbikes.

There's no particularly good reason why we're doing this...

I don't think you need one, it's just a fun thing to do.

So, here's what happens, finally, we promise you this...

when you try and jump a bus...

over 14 motorbikes.

Oh...

Why are you laughing, it's your license fee.

That was almost...

too much fun. If anybody's interested...

do you wanna know how many bikes it cleared?

I do.

Yeah, how many did it clear?

It did actually clear... 3.

3 bikes it cleared properly...

So, who said 3?

Did anybody say that?

Who said 3?

He sa... he says he did, but I don't believe him...

You said 3?

but, give him the mints.

Werther's Originals.

-Three, clearly.

-Three?

Destroyed 14 others, but...

I know, I hate motorbikes.

I do, I loathe them. If I'd have
been driving the bus, I'd have...

backed up.

Reversed over... there we go, that's got those three as well.

Nice, Jeremy, nice.

erm... And that's sadly...

is all we've got time for...

this week.

Next week, I shall be driving the best looking car...

in the world, ever.

Some small children will be
deciding on their favourite supercar...

for their bedroom walls.

And, um... oh you remember last week...

we asked if there were any grannies out there...

who thought they could do a doughnut?

thousands replied, saying they'd like to try.

So, we let them.

That, is going to be on, next week.