Togetherness (2015–2016): Season 1, Episode 5 - Kick the Can - full transcript

Togetherness - 01x05
Kick the Can

Well, that was
horrible.

Yeah, some of the things
that I said in there,

I didn't... it was like
they just came out.

No, it's...

I didn't mean...

I did the same thing.
I think that's therapy.

I think you just kind of...

How are we supposed
to do this every weekend?

I... I don't know.

I don't know what to do
with myself.



Where... where do you go

after World War III
emotional bombing?

Is there any way
that we could just,

like, let it go?

Just move on
with the day?

- We have the babysitter.
- Yeah.

- Just... Wildest dreams...
- Okay, I like this.

- If you were to, uh, follow your bliss...
- Mm-hmm.

What would you do?

Anything.

- Anything in the whole world?
- Anything.

Barnes and Noble,

third floor,
green leather chair.

I would get
a peppermint tea.



I would get an original copy
of "Dune,"

and nobody would know where to find
me, and I would be all by myself.

And just...

Your dream

is to go to Barnes and Noble
by yourself?

That's your dream?

It was the first thing
that popped into my head.

It's just like a solace thing.
It's comfortable for me.

I don't know.
- Okay, I guess - what I was thinking,

um, was more
like, um...

a couple thing.
Like, something for us together.

Right, yeah.

- So in that kind of place.
- No, yeah, yeah.

You're right, I'm sorry.
That was... yes, of course.

Like, that wasn't fun,
but this will be...

- This will be fun.
- So fun.

I'm not sure
I can generate that.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.

But if you got something,
I could probably, like,

get on your wagon
and, like...

- What... what just happened?
- Oh.

- What happened?
- Something amazing.

- What?
- Kickball.

Okay.

Yeah. Oh my god.

No... no kids.
I'm gonna text everyone

and I'm gonna say,
"No kids."

So you're talking like a...
like a...

Like... like how we used
to just, like, play kickball.

Oh god.
And just, like, drink beer

and be in the park.

The idea of a party
with a lot of people,

it makes me just a little
anxious, just because of, like,

where we're coming from.

I get it. I just wonder
if there's any way

that we can not, like,
talk it to... to death

- before...
- You're right, say no more.

- What if it's just fun?
- I hear you.

We're... that's over. We're
going to kickball. Yeah.

Okay, all right.

Yes. Okay, you go get a ball,
get some cones.

- I'm gonna hold the field down.
- Roger roger.

- See you soon.
- Okay.

Uh-oh!

Hey, Alex,
I got a situation, man.

Uh-oh.

What's going on?

It's kind of a long story,
but can you do me a huge favor?

You busy?

No, I'm just busy being Tina's bitch.
What do you need?

Okay, can you go
to Big 5

and get, like, a kickball
and some cones

- and maybe pick up some beer?
- Of course.

This would be huge for me.

I need 20 minutes so I can just
get myself into a better place.

All right, consider it done.
Love you, man.

Love you too, bud.
Thanks.

You got it.

Hi.
Hi!

- How's it going?
- Good.

I'm so sorry.

Um, I'm kind of
reserving the field.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

I am...

in this moment.

So you, like,
made a reservation?

I mean, not, like, officially.

But I'm... you know, I've been
here, like, holding down the fort

- and just waiting for people...
- Right.

No, I hear you.

Um, we actually
reserved this field a while back

for my friend
Sailor's birthday.

Yeah, we're playing
kick the can, so...

Okay.

We are playing kickball.

So we need, like, the bases and
the whole, like, official field

that you guys don't need.

So is there some kind
of compromise

where, like, we could have this
bit and you could have that?

And it's just kind of
important to me.

- I have so many people coming...
- Uh...

- and I've organized this whole thing now.
- Right.

Sorry, I don't... I don't
really know what to tell you.

But good luck. Good luck and we are
going to need the whole field.

So thank you.

This is cool
over here.

I can see why people
are starting to migrate east.

They just live here because they
can't afford to live where you live.

Oh, you prefer it
in the hills.

It's just so dead over here.
Nobody goes out.

You should come over
more often.

I slept over
almost every night this week.

Sally loves it
when you sleep over.

Oh, do you?
Oh!

She loves a good nose.
Is that my brother-in-law?

What is he doing? I'll meet
you up at the field, okay?

Okay.

Come on, Sally.
Let's go break some hearts.

♪ But I'm walking in Memphis ♪

♪ Just walking... ♪

Ah!
Oh, fuck!

Jesus, Tina.

Thank you for that.

- What's up, weirdo?
- That was really, really, really awesome.

- Thank you.
- All right, grumpy pants.

- Are you coming?
- Yes, I'm coming.

- I'll be there in a second.
- Let's go.

Wait, hold on.

I'm not ready. I'm taking... I
just need, like, a second.

Don't do this.

- Don't do what?
- What are you...

This whole mood-killer thing.

She's so fucking psyched
and she really needs this day

and she really needs
to party and have fun.

And if you're going to be like this,
it's going to ruin it for her.

Okay, I am trying
to get myself ready for that,

but it's a little hard for me, okay?
Do you understand that?

- Yeah, I mean, I do.
- But just fake it.

I mean, do you see
this smile?

- Yeah.
- I'm dead inside.

Really? I mean, this isn't really
how I want to spend my day.

But I am so fucking psyched
to spend it this way!

- Okay.
- How about a smile?

Okay, do you... is there any way
we can get some alcohol?

- I've got some coming.
- Okay.

See you up there.

I got the stuff.

- Did you get beer?
- Yeah.

I... no give me...
I need one.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Whoa.

Look, how long
can this ridiculous game

- of kick the can last, anyway?
- Hours.

That's what they told me...
hours.

Yeah,
I'll take a stab at it.

Honey, we'll work it out.
It'll be fine.

What do you do for hours?

Oh. They're not gonna play for hours.

- Hey, hi.
- Hi!

Hey, guys!

Yo, what's happening,
ballers?

- Yay!
- A'right.

Excuse me,
do you guys like movies?

- Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause I got $200 on this gift card

for the ArcLight
movie theater.

How about you guys
catch a flick,

order as many concessions
as you want,

and then everybody wins.
What do you say?

I think we're good.

Okay, okay, okay,
how about this?

How about Jamba Juice?

Good for a full year.

Okay, okay, Starbucks.

There's plenty of life
left in this one.

You got a lot
of gift cards.

Listen,
they're playing hardball.

Oh, do you remember Brett and Alex?

Of course.
Hey, Alex.

Hi, Larry.

Hi, sir. I worked on your show.
Nice to see you.

- Oh, no kidding.
- Yeah.

So, Larry,
what's the situation?

Oh, no kidding. Well, it's Yeah.
A little complicated,

but I think I can get them
in the boat.

Excuse me, young lady?

Can I talk to you again
just for one second?

Name your price.

I got about $500 right here.
It's yours. What do you say?

- No, thanks.
- But if you guys could clear off the bleachers,

'cause that's also our space,
and maybe go away.

Actually, please forgive
Daddy Warbucks here.

He's from a far-off land
called West Hollywood.

They have
a different set of rules.

I'm very sorry
about that.

Here's the deal...

could we possibly
compromise?

Like, you guys use the field for
an hour, and then we get a turn.

Doesn't that make
everyone happy?

No! How many times to I have
to say no to you people?

Like, it is
my friend's birthday

and you need
to respect that.

I can't, I can't. You know, this is like...

- How about we go for sushi?
- Yep.

Lots of ways
to have fun.

- We can figure it out... yeah.
- We can drink more.

Look at these trees!

Dude, I'm kind of
feeling the brunch vibe.

We want to play you.

Can you get the fuck
off the field?

- Hey!
- Whoa.

- All right.
- Here we go.

You did not just do that.

Here's the thing.
We're not leaving.

So either you
let us play you,

or we're going to be
all up in your shit all day.

All day.
It's your choice.

Whatever you want.

Fine. Fine!
You want to play us, lady?

Fine. Get ready.

You get ready.

You get ready to
get your asses kicked

by a bunch of old people.

Okay. Mm-hmm. Get ready.

- Ready!
- Thank you so much.

Youngsters, before there were
smart phones and electric cars,

there was shotgunning beer.
It's really simple.

Take your beer, you're going
to puncture it at the bottom,

you're gonna put your finger
on it, put it up to your mouth,

- crack it open...
- Okay, okay.

Whoo!

I'm just gonna show everyone
how to do this.

Yeah! Whoo!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Drink, drink, drink, drink!

Okay, okay, listen up, everyone.

The object of this game
is for someone from your team...

Please.

To kick this can

after the game starts.

Okay.

- Okay?
- Got it.

You have to kick it before someone
from our team captures you.

If you are caught,
you will be put in jail.

If we catch all of you
before you kick this can,

we win.

If any one of you
kicks the can, you win.

- Is that clear?
- Yep.

Okay, you have one minute
to hide.

- Now?!
- Yeah, now!

Oh, shit.
Move it.

Wait, where you going?

Okay, don't give out.

This could be fun.

All right, they're playing
tight to the can,

so I think we should hold here
before we make any moves.

We're safe for now.

Want to hear
the greatest sound in the world?

Oh!

Shhh!

Sorry.

What was that all about?

What was what about?

Larry is the kind of producer
who can make your career.

So you might not want
to cut his balls off

in front of
fuckin' hipster chick.

I didn't cut his balls off.

When he offered the money,
you were all...

I thought it was a little weird
that he offered money,

but I don't think
I was rude about it.

Okay.

- I like Larry.
- Okay.

I mean, he's...
I have no issue with him.

Okay.

What?

Okay.

Do you think
I'm jealous of Larry?

Let me tell you something...
Larry is jealous of me.

Look at this shit.
You taking this in right now?

Look at this... 10 lbs lighter already.
Like that.

- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not jealous,

if that's
what you're getting at.

Okay.

He's a little creepy
with his dog, though.

He's kind of like
an old James Bond villain.

Stop, stop.
He's got the little white dog.

Fuck you, stop.

He's just like, "Nyah nyah."

"Nyah nyah."

Shh, shh! You're gonna blow our cover.
Give me a beer.

Give me a beer.
Thank you, thank you.

I'll take a beer as well,
but you guys keep it down.

Okay, now I'm kicking you out.
Get out, this is our spot.

This is our spot.
- Bitches, - we were fucking here first.

We're not all going to fit...
Tina even urinated right here.

- It's our territory.
- That's so gross.

- You're making too much noise.
- Okay.

Oh no!

Jail time.

Who?
What happened?

- Phoebe.
- We're dropping like flies.

One for my homie.

Okay, let's mobilize.
Get out of here.

We gotta keep moving
to stay out...

Okay, okay.
Hide.

- Good luck.
- Good luck.

How you doin' today, lady?

- I'm good.
- Mm-hmm.

This is weird and fun.

Can I tell you something?
You're amazing.

- Oh.
- You are... you're incredible.

- You're amazing.
- No, the fact that you came

and resurrected yourself out of
that fuckin' therapy situation

and, like, are blasting out
having this fun day... Yeah.

You're like my hero.

Yeah, seriously.

You're doing it too.
Look at you.

- Oh, I am...
- Drinking and having fun.

- This?
- So awesome.

I am faking this whole thing.

I feel like I'm carrying
the dead bodies

of Michelle and Brett
on my shoulders all day.

I'm, like, trying to dig myself
out of the womb of despair

and you're just, like...
how the fuck do you do it?

Just... just do it.
Just have fun, you know?

I'm doing it,
but I feel awful.

- But I'm fuckin'... I'm trying.
- Okay.

- I'm trying.
- I see that you're trying.

- I'm trying.
- I appreciate it.

But, you know, this feels
like the thing where...

The thing from therapy.
I don't even want...

I don't want to talk about
what we talked about in therapy.

- Why not? Why don't you It's a real thing.
- I can't just ignore it.

It was part of our day.
We're not ignoring it.

Wet to therapy.
We had that time set aside

to talk about our problems.

We talked about it more
in the car.

We got very very sad.

And then we decided,
"Let's have a fun day.

Let's make
the rest of the day fun."

- Kick the can!
- Yeah.

I'm doing it!
Whats you expect?

I want you to have fun.
I want to fun with you.

- I can't.
- You can't?

I can try.
That's all I can do.

I don't think
you should have to try.

I think it should be fun to hang out
with your wife and your friends.

Well, if I don't try, then I
might as well just fuckin'

be sitting
at the Barnes and Noble.

- Maybe maybe.
- You know?

Maybe?

- If it's really hard.
- Got it.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, Brett.

Brett.

Oh, we... oh, we got a walker.

Hey, guard the can.
Make sure he doesn't...

- Turning myself in.
- What's up, kamikaze?

- Hey, could be a decoy.
- Keep an eye out.

I'm just turning myself in.

You're good. I got you.

Nope.
Nope, thank you.

Shh!

I don't like this fuckin' place.
It's gnarly.

Look, look, look!

Whoa, too small, too small.

Oh, shit, come on!

Get in there.

I know you're in here.

Oh my god.

Are you out of your mind?

Shhh.

No, no, no, no.

She saw me.
We're fucked.

What a sucker.

She's gone.

What's wrong with you?

You smell good.

You're so drunk.

- I am.
- Okay, let's go.

Okay.

You are going to jail.

- I got you!
- No, get off!

Hold on... hold on.

I'm good.

Whoa.

You guys, I totally almost
puked on one of them.

Yo, yo, yo! Outside, outside! Got it!

Shoot it!
I got it, I got it.

Hold on, hold up.

All right.

David.

Hey, Michelle?

Shh.

I'm out!

All right,
here we go!

- Duck.
- Huh?

Duck, dude!

Oh.

Are you part
of the kick-the-can game?

Yes, I am.
Do you know that game?

I played it 1,000 times
growing up.

Such a weird game.

You guys are killing it, huh?

Yeah. Listen, we're old,

we're tired,
we don't know this game.

But you're still alive.

I'm still alive,
but, you know what?

I think the best thing
for me to do for my own honor

is just turn myself in.

- Why?
- That's what I'm gonna do.

Why? Because I wanted this day
to be really fun...

- Mm-hmm.
- And it's a disaster.

I'm dragging the day out.

But you want to win,
don't you?

I do want to win.

I want to win more than
I want anything in the world.

- I want to win the game.
- So get...

You gotta go for it, then.

Yeah, but look
at their strategy.

'Cause they caught everybody,

so there's no point, like,
to come looking for me.

They're just hoarding
the can.

Yeah, got ya.

Yeah.
Like, how do I win?

- I can't get past them all.
- Okay, let's figure it out.

It'll be fun.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You don't have to go back
to your game?

Not at all.

Okay.

Here's one thing
I was thinking,

was maybe
exploding my husband's car.

I like that.

- Yeah.
- That's a good idea.

Creating a distraction.

Yeah, I wasn't even thinking
about that.

- Then they'll just, you know...
- What a good idea.

- Yes, it's a distraction.
- Yeah.

- That's what we need.
- Yeah, it's...

it's not going take time
to distract a bunch of hipsters.

Just put on some Weezer
or Grizzly Bear

and they'll be distracted
like that, you know?

Look at you, so cool.

Oh, I'm not cool.
I'm, like, so uncool.

But, you know, they'll just
run off to a corner and,

like, you know, start...
start doing their thing.

- No, you're not.
- Actually, I take it back.

- You're not cool.
- No, all right.

Let's...
let's figure something out.

Okay.

What is there?
What is there back there?

What is... what is that?

That's it.

How'd you get caught?

I gave myself up.

- Really?
- Yup.

You voluntarily
put yourself in jail?

- I know what you're going to say...
- I know...

You know,
I'm not a big metaphor guy,

but it seems like it might be a
metaphor for your life right now.

I got... I got it.
I know it.

Well, to give you
a little perspective,

it could be worse.

You could have just tried
to make out with Tina.

Really?

How'd that go?

Not good.

Not good.

Did it land?

Uh, there was a crash landing
and everyone died on board.

Yeah.
Something like that.

Shit! What the...

Ho, ho, ho! Yeah!

Run for your lives!

♪ Oh, the sinking spell ♪

♪ Got to tiny heals ♪

♪ Pin the notice to posts ♪

♪ And then crawled
in my mouth ♪

♪ There is a feeling I love ♪

♪ Buried in my brow ♪

♪ I have no reason to run ♪

♪ I see no reason ♪

♪ Are you with me now? ♪

♪ Are ♪

♪ Are you with me now? ♪

♪ Are... ♪