Timon & Pumbaa (1995–1999): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Pain in Spain/Frantic Atlantic - full transcript
HAKUNA MATATA.
WHAT A WONDERFUL PHRASE.
HAKUNA MATATA!
♪ AIN'T NO PASSIN' CRAZE ♪
♪ IT MEANS NO WORRIES ♪
♪ FOR THE REST
OF YOUR DAYS ♪
♪ IT'S OUR
PROBLEM-FREE ♪
♪ PHILOSOPHY ♪
♪ HAKUNA MATATA ♪
YEAH!
(roaring)
HAKUNA MATATA!
TIMON AND PUMBAA!
HAKUNA MATATA!
♪ IT MEANS NO WORRIES ♪
♪ FOR THE REST
OF YOUR DAYS ♪
♪ IT'S OUR
PROBLEM-FREE ♪
♪ PHILOSOPHY ♪
♪ HAKUNA MATATA ♪
PUMBAA, CAN WE
PICK UP THE PACE?
I'M WORKING WITHOUT
A PROTECTIVE
LAYER OF FAT HERE.
UH, TIMON...
BEFORE WE VISIT
MY UNCLE BOARIS...
OH, NO!
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
YOUR UNCLE, ISN'T THERE?
DON'T TELL ME!
HE WORKS OUT TOO MUCH.
THINKS HE'S A MOUSE.
HE'S ADDICTED
TO ELVIS MEMORABILIA.
NO, UH...
THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH HIM.
BUT IT'S JUST THAT
THE LAST TIME WE VISITED
ONE OF MY RELATIVES...
NOT THE COUSIN MILDRED
THING AGAIN!
AFTER ALL,
SHE IS A WARTHOG.
I WAS JUST
POINTING THEM OUT.
JUST PROMISE ME
YOU'LL BE NICE.
PUMBAA, IT'S ME!
I EXUDE NICENESS.
IT'S JUST THAT I WANT
TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION,
TIMON.
UNCLE BOARIS IS A BIG
DEAL HERE IN RUSSIA.
HE'S THE PRINCIPAL
DANCER AT THE ROYAL
(indistinct) BALLET.
OOPS!
HE JUST MIGHT BE
THE BESTEST BALLET
DANCER IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
WELL, PUMBAA, IF YOU WANNA
MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION
ON YOUR UNCLE,
YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY!
-I AM?
-PUMBAA, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?
I AM A MUSICIAN
AND A TRUE MUSICIAN,
SUCH AS I,
ALWAYS KEEPS
HIS CHERISHED
INSTRUMENTS NEARBY.
NOW WHERE DID I PUT IT?
IT'S SOMEWHERE HERE UNDER
YOUR BARBELLS AND MY LAWN MOWER
AND YOUR BALL OF BARBED WIRE,
MY BANANA PEEL COLLECTION,
YOUR MELTING STICK OF BUTTER...
(continues indistinctly)...
MY TRICYCLE...
(panting)
YOUR ROLLER-SKATES.
TIMON, EVEN IF YOU DON'T
PLAY A SINGLE NOTE,
MY UNCLE'S GOING TO BE
THE KINDEST, SWEETEST,
MOST GENTLEST WARTHOG
YOU'VE EVER MET!
PUMBAA-LA!
I THOUGHT I HEARD
YOU OUT HERE.
ENTER, PLEASE.
NEPHEW PUMBAA, YOU SHOULD
NOT HAVE BROUGHT ME GIFT.
BUT, A NEW MUFFLER I CAN USE.
I VERY MUCH LIKE TO TIGHTEN IT
AROUND MY HOOF.
SO VERY, VERY TIGHT
LIKE THIS, YOU SEE.
IN ORDER TO KEEP
MY DANCING HOOFS
FROM GETTING CHIPPED.
(chuckles) THAT'S NOT
A MUFFLER, UNCLE BOARIS.
THAT'S MY FRIEND, TIMON!
FRIEND TIMON,
IT IS MY PLEASURE
TO BE MEETING YOU.
OH, NO.
THE PLEASURE IS ALL MINE.
OH, HOW GOOD IT IS
TO SEE FAMILY. COME,
GIVE YOUR UNCLE A HUG!
YOU, TOO, FRIEND TIMON!
YOU KNOW, HUGS REALLY
AREN'T MY THING.
DON'T BE SO SHY,
FRIEND TIMON!
(sighs) WHO CAN RESIST
A DOUBLE HUG CLINCHER?
(groaning)
(enunciating) CA-VIAR.
(scoffs)
MUST BE RUSSIAN
FOR BUG-LARVAE.
MMM.
(sighs) MY HOOVES
ARE NOT WHAT THEY
USED TO BE, PUMBAA.
YOU'RE RETIRING?
BUT ONE FINAL AND GLORIOUS
BALLET SHALL I DANCE TOMORROW
NIGHT!
ROYAL DIGNITARIES AND
DEVOTED FANS OF FAR AWAY
COUNTRIES WILL COME.
AS MY COUNTRY HAS DECLARED
IT NATIONAL HOLIDAY
FOR MY HONOR.
ALL OF RUSSIA
WILL BE WATCHING ME,
PAY-PER-VIEW, OF COURSE.
AND AFTER MY ENCORE,
WE CELEBRATE!
I MAYBE OPEN ONE
PRECIOUS JAR FROM MY
PRIZED COLLECTION OF CAVIAR.
WOW! DO YOU ACTUALLY
TASTE THOSE DELICATELY
SALTED
AND SEASONED
FISH EGGS?
FISH EGGS?
(exclaims in disgust)
YES, NEPHEW PUMBAA!
TOMORROW NIGHT IS SO
MUCH THAT SPECIAL!
HOW GRACEFUL
WILL I DANCE?
I WILL BE KNOWN
THROUGHOUT THE WORLD
AS FINEST BALLET DANCER
IN HISTORY! (yelping)
UNCLE BOARIS!
(exclaiming)
(thudding)
(crashing)
(woman screaming)
(cat yelping)
(tires screeching)
(glass shattering)
LOOKS LIKE HIS ENGLISH
ISN'T THE ONLY THING
THAT'S BROKEN.
EVERYTHING IS BROKEN,
INCLUDING MY DREAMS.
MY FINAL PERFORMANCE
WILL NEVER BE.
OH, BOY! YOU MUST REALLY FEEL
ROTTEN KNOWING YOU'RE GOING TO
LET DOWN ALL THOSE DIGNITARIES
-AND CZARS AND PRESIDENTS
AND KINGS AND AMBASSADORS AND...
-TIMON!
BUT THINK ABOUT IT!
ALL THE RUBLES THOSE BIG
MUCKETY-MUCKS SHELLED OUT
TO SEE THIS GUY,
I MEAN, HE PUT
THE "BOAR" IN
BORISHNIKOV.
BUT... WHAT TO DO?
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO DO.
PUT MY STAR QUALITY,
UNDENIABLE TALENT
AND CROWD-PLEASING
STAGE ACT TO GOOD USE.
FREE OF CHARGE!
-YOU?
-OF COURSE!
I STUDIED AT JULIAN!
YOU MEAN JUILLIARD?
NO, JULIAN.
JUILLIARD'S COUSIN.
(groans) WE MUST FIND
SOMEONE ELSE TO
PERFORM IN MY PLACE!
BUT NOBODY CAN
REPLACE YOU.
PUMBAA-LA,
YOU COULD DANCE
FOR ME!
ME?
WAIT! ONE MINUTE,
UNCLE BOARIS, I GOT IT!
PUMBAA COULD
DANCE FOR YOU!
YOU LOOK LIKE HIM AND HE
LOOKS LIKE YOU. NO ONE
WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!
BUT I CAN'T DANCE!
(scoffs) YOU ARE WARTHOG!
BALLET IS IN YOUR BLOOD!
DON'T YOU WORRY, UNCLE BOARIS.
THIS PIG'S BEEN IN WORSE POKES
THAN THIS.
I'LL HAVE HIM ON HIS TOES
BY TOMORROW NIGHT.
UH, I'M NOT SO SURE
ABOUT THIS, TIMON!
PIPE DOWN, PUMBAA,
I'M READING!
LET'S SEE.
FIRST POSITION,
SECOND...
AH! WE DON'T NEED THIS!
HOW HARD CAN BALLET BE?
JUST DO A LOT OF
FANCY HOPPING AND
PRANCING AROUND.
GO ON, TRY IT! THAT'S IT!
EXPRESS YOURSELF WITH
A LOT OF...
TWIRLY, SWIRLY,
SPINNY THINGS.
OOH!
FEEL THE MUSIC.
(crashing)
UH, TRY TO FEEL
THE MUSIC
A LITTLE LESS.
1, 2, 3, 4...
NOW FLY PUMBAA, FLY!
5, 6, 7... (screaming)
(snarling)
KEEP DANCING, PUMBAA!
DOUBLE-TIME!
THIS IS IT, PUMBAA!
AND THANKS TO MY HARD
WORK, DEDICATION
AND EXPERT INSTRUCTION,
YOU ARE LACED UP
AND READY TO PERFORM!
HOW ABOUT ONE LAST
PRACTICE PIROUETTE
FOR GOOD LUCK?
(exclaiming)
PUMBAA, PAL?
SPEAK TO ME!
I THINK MY LEGS
FEEL KIND OF...BROKEN.
WHAT? BUT PUMBAA,
THE STAGE IS SET.
CELEBRITIES ARE POSING,
ROOT BEER IS CHILLING,
CAMERAS ARE ROLLING.
THE WORLD IS WAITING
TO MAKE YOU A STAR!
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
(audience speaking in Russian)
Fan:
BOARIS, WHERE'S BOARIS?
(clearing throat)
COME ON EVERYONE,
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER NOW!
(playing off-key)
(snoring)
(crickets chirping)
YOU KNOW, A FUNNY THING
HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY
TO THE KREMLIN.
(continues snoring)
HEY, QUIT "RUSSIAN" ME!
(scattered laugh)
I CAN'T BLAME YA!
I'M JUST "STALIN" FOR TIME.
AH! "STALIN" FOR TIME!
WELL, DON'T BE A BUNCH
OF RED SQUARES NOW.
(chuckles nervously)
(clears throat)
(crowd cheering)
HEY, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE NOT
THE ONLY ONE BACK
ON YOUR FEET, PUMBAA.
Both: WOW!
(groaning)
THANKS, FRIEND.
DON'T MENTION IT.
(crowd cheering)
THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.
AND THOSE QUACK DOCTORS
SAID IT WOULD TAKE MONTHS
TO HEAL YOUR FRACTURED
BONES, TORN LIGAMENTS,
AND RIPPED TENDONS.
SAY, HOW DID YOUR INJURIES
HEAL SO QUICKLY, UNCLE?
(chuckling maniacally)
THEY DIDN'T.
GET ME BACK TO HOSPITAL.
(sighs) PUMBAA,
THIS IS PERFECTION!
THE MOST PERFECT SPOT
TO RELAX. AND DO YOU KNOW
WHY THIS IS THE MOST
PERFECT SPOT TO RELAX?
UH, COULD IT BE
THE COOLING SHADE
OF THE SHADY TREE?
THE HAIR-TICKLING
PLEASANTNESS
OF THE SONG BIRDS
AND THE REFRESHINGLY
COOLIFIED SKY BLUE POND?
EXACTLY, MY PORCINE PAL.
YES, THIS IS THE MOST
PERFECT SPOT TO RELAX
AND NOBODY, NO WAY,
NO HOW IS EVER GOING
TO MAKE US LEAVE.
YIKES!
HELLO, I'M TED.
-AND I'M TED.
-I'M TED.
WELL, MY NAME'S "TAKING"
AND THIS IS MY PAL "A NAP"
AND TOGETHER WE'RE
"TAKING A NAP",
SO LEAVE US ALONE!
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
YOU WON'T DISTURB US,
RIGHT, TED?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WON'T DISTURB US
AT ALL. (laughing)
(thudding and clattering)
(yelping)
THAT WAS VERY RUDE
AND NOT NICE.
THAT IT WAS, PUMBAA.
BUT DON'T YOU WORRY, PAL,
I'LL HAVE A WORD WITH THOSE
GROUND SQUIRRELS.
THEM AND THEIR HIGHLY
DEVELOPED SOCIAL UNIT
MAKE ME SICK!
THINK THEY CAN JUST COME
IN HERE AND KICK US OUT.
WHY YOU... I OUGHTA...
(thudding and yelping)
(screaming)
THIS, THE MOST PERFECT
SPOT IN ALL THE JUNGLE,
IS NOW CLUB TED.
A PRIVATE CLUB AND YOU
CAN'T ENJOY THE TREE,
THE POND OR THE BIRDS
UNLESS YOUR NAME
IS TED. RIGHT, TED?
THAT'S RIGHT, TED.
(laughing)
OH, SHUCKS! NOW WE'RE NEVER
EVER GOING TO GET TO RELAX
IN OUR PERFECT SPOT.
NEVER EVER AGAIN!
DON'T WORRY, PUMBAA.
WE'LL BE TAKING A DIP IN THAT
REFRESHING POND IN NO TIME.
JUST DO EXACTLY
AS I SAY.
WHEN I GIVE YOU
THE BIG WINK, YOU SAY,
HELLO, MY NAME IS TED.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
YEAH, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
HI, MY NAME IS TED,
NOT TIMON AND THIS IS
MY PAL, PUMBAA... OR TED.
SAY HELLO, TED.
OH! HELLO, MY NAME IS TED.
WELL, HELLO THERE,
YOU TWO GUYS NAMED TED.
YEAH, HELLO, TEDS.
IT'S WORKING.
WELCOME TO CLUB TED!
DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE NOW
OFFICIAL QUALIFIED CARD
CARRYING MEMBERS?
-OF COURSE!
-THAT'S RIGHT!
JUST AS SOON
AS YOU PERFORM
THE INITIATION TASK.
Both: INITIATION TASK?
-OH, IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
-QUITE SIMPLE.
ALL YOU MUST DO IS, UM...
(whispering)
HANG THESE JINGLY BELLS
AROUND THE NECK OF A LION.
YOU MEAN, THE BIG MEAT
EATING LION THAT LIVES
AT SAVAGE ROCK?
YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
GEE, TIMON, HOW PRECISELY
ARE WE GOING TO GET THE JINGLY
BELLS ON THE LION, EXACTLY?
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
(snoring)
WHO ARE YOU?
AND WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING
ON DOING WITH THOSE
JINGLY BELLS?
WE'RE UH...
WE'RE THE JINGLE BELL SQUAD
AND WE'RE HERE TO PROTECT
ALL SERENGETI CITIZENS BY GIVING
THEM THESE JINGLY BELLS.
(snarling)
-HE'S NOT BUYING IT, TIMON.
-OKAY. OKAY, I GOT ANOTHER ONE.
WE'RE GOVERNMENT SURPLUS
JINGLE BELL DISTRIBUTORS
HERE TO GIVE YOU
YOUR ALLOTED QUANTITY
OF FREE JINGLY BELLS.
(snarling)
OKAY, WELL, WE'RE SANTA'S
HELPER ELVES AND WE'RE HERE
TO GIVE YOU
A SPECIAL PRESENT.
SANTA? A SPECIAL
PRESENT FOR ME?
YES! SANTA HIMSELF WANTS
YOU TO HAVE THESE SPECIAL
SANTA JINGLY BELLS
AND, YOU MUST NEVER EVER
TAKE THEM OFF, NO MATTER
WHAT ANYONE TELLS YOU.
OH! THIS IS GRAND!
MY OWN SANTA JINGLY BELLS!
I WON'T EVER, EVER, EVER
NEVER EVER TAKE THEM OFF.
-TED! OH, TED!
-(knocking on door)
THE TASK IS COMPLETE!
WHAT ARE YOU
BELLOWING ABOUT?
WE DID THE INITIATION THING,
SO NOW WE'RE MEMBERS, SO LET
US IN, COME ON! COME ON!
TED, PUTTING JINGLY
BELLS ON THE LION
IS IMPOSSIBLE!
BUT THEY DID IT!
WHAT DO WE DO?
LEAVE IT TO ME.
MY FUTURE CLUB-MATES, WE MUST
HAVE PROOF THAT THE LION
IS WEARING THE JINGLY BELLS.
WHAT KIND OF PROOF?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO REMOVE
THE BELLS AND RETURN
WITH THEM HERE.
WE GOTTA BRING THE
JINGLY BELLS BACK?
-YES!
-(snarling)
BUT TIMON, YOU TOLD THE
LION NEVER EVER TO TAKE
THE JINGLY BELLS OFF!
QUIET, PUMBAA.
I'M IN THE MIDST
OF BEING INGENIOUS.
(snoring)
(alarm ringing)
YES!
OH, TED, WE HAVE
RETURNED VICTORIOUS
WITH THE JINGLY BELLS.
NOT TO MENTION,
A NEW WATCH.
(indistinct whispering)
THERE IS ANOTHER TASK
TO PERFORM BEFORE
YOU MAY BE ADMITTED.
AH! NOW WHAT?
WE GOTTA PUT THE BELLS
BACK ON THE LION?
NO, NO, NO, NO!
THAT WOULD BE SILLY!
YOU GOTTA PUT THIS SUIT ON HIM!
(laughing)
QUIET!
(sighs)
(banging on door)
YES?
♪ TELEGRAM FOR MR. LION ♪
♪ DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH ♪
♪ TELEGRAM FOR MR. LION ♪
-♪ OH! DOO-DAH-DAY ♪
-Both: ♪ HEY! ♪
UH, THANKS!
Timon:
"DEAR, MR. LION.
YOU ARE HEREBY OFFICIALLY
INVITED TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE
"FOR A GALA CELEBRATION
TO BE HELD IN YOUR HONOR."
WOW!
"THIS IS A FORMAL EVENT,
WHICH MEANS YOU MUST
WEAR A SUIT!
"SIGNED,
THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES."
A SUIT?
WHERE AM I GOING TO GET
A SUIT ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE?
SOMEBODY ASKED FOR A SUIT?
NO, NO, NO, NO!
THIS MANE AND FUR
COMBO HAS GOT TO GO!
WHAT ARE WE TRYING TO SAY?
MANGY SCAVENGER?
NO.
WORK WITH ME LEO HERE,
WORK WITH ME A LITTLE BIT.
A LITTLE NIP AND TUCK
IN THE HEINIE QUARTERS
AND YES...
OH, I THINK
WE'VE GOT IT.
WOW!
HEY, I'M A STUD!
WELL, OUR WORK HERE IS
DONE AND WE REALLY GOTTA
BE GOING, SO...
HEY, THAT'S MY WATCH!
UH-OH!
AND YOU BEAR A STRIKING
RESEMBLANCE TO THOSE
TELEGRAM GUYS.
IT WASN'T US!
I MEAN, WHAT
TELEGRAM GUYS?
WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
COME TO THINK OF IT,
YOU WERE SANTA'S
HELPERS, TOO!
WHAT'S GOING ON
AROUND HERE?
(roaring)
(screaming)
TED, WE HAVE PUT THE SUIT
ON THE LION AS YOU REQUESTED.
AND HE WASN'T NONE TOO
HAPPY ABOUT IT NEITHER!
NOW OPEN UP!
UH, GEE, GUYS.
I'D REALLY LIKE TO LET
YOU IN BUT UH,
WE NEED TO HAVE PROOF THAT
THE SUIT IS ON THE LION.
YEAH, PROOF. YEAH,
THAT'S WHAT WE NEED.
YEAH, YEAH,
PROOF, PROOF.
SO YOU GO BACK
TO THE LION AND...
NO, TED. NO, NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE
GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU SEE, THE LION
KIND OF WANTED TO
MEET ALL OF YOU TEDS.
THUS, WE LED HIM HERE
AND HE'S NOT VERY HAPPY.
SO, YOU'RE THE ANNOYING
LITTLE TEDS WHO KEPT MAKING
THESE GUYS BOTHER ME!
HELLO!
(screeching)
YOU KNOW WHAT, PUMBAA?
NO. WHAT?
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN ANY
CLUB WHICH WON'T ACCEPT ME
AS A MEMBER.
WHAT A WONDERFUL PHRASE.
HAKUNA MATATA!
♪ AIN'T NO PASSIN' CRAZE ♪
♪ IT MEANS NO WORRIES ♪
♪ FOR THE REST
OF YOUR DAYS ♪
♪ IT'S OUR
PROBLEM-FREE ♪
♪ PHILOSOPHY ♪
♪ HAKUNA MATATA ♪
YEAH!
(roaring)
HAKUNA MATATA!
TIMON AND PUMBAA!
HAKUNA MATATA!
♪ IT MEANS NO WORRIES ♪
♪ FOR THE REST
OF YOUR DAYS ♪
♪ IT'S OUR
PROBLEM-FREE ♪
♪ PHILOSOPHY ♪
♪ HAKUNA MATATA ♪
PUMBAA, CAN WE
PICK UP THE PACE?
I'M WORKING WITHOUT
A PROTECTIVE
LAYER OF FAT HERE.
UH, TIMON...
BEFORE WE VISIT
MY UNCLE BOARIS...
OH, NO!
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
YOUR UNCLE, ISN'T THERE?
DON'T TELL ME!
HE WORKS OUT TOO MUCH.
THINKS HE'S A MOUSE.
HE'S ADDICTED
TO ELVIS MEMORABILIA.
NO, UH...
THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH HIM.
BUT IT'S JUST THAT
THE LAST TIME WE VISITED
ONE OF MY RELATIVES...
NOT THE COUSIN MILDRED
THING AGAIN!
AFTER ALL,
SHE IS A WARTHOG.
I WAS JUST
POINTING THEM OUT.
JUST PROMISE ME
YOU'LL BE NICE.
PUMBAA, IT'S ME!
I EXUDE NICENESS.
IT'S JUST THAT I WANT
TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION,
TIMON.
UNCLE BOARIS IS A BIG
DEAL HERE IN RUSSIA.
HE'S THE PRINCIPAL
DANCER AT THE ROYAL
(indistinct) BALLET.
OOPS!
HE JUST MIGHT BE
THE BESTEST BALLET
DANCER IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
WELL, PUMBAA, IF YOU WANNA
MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION
ON YOUR UNCLE,
YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY!
-I AM?
-PUMBAA, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?
I AM A MUSICIAN
AND A TRUE MUSICIAN,
SUCH AS I,
ALWAYS KEEPS
HIS CHERISHED
INSTRUMENTS NEARBY.
NOW WHERE DID I PUT IT?
IT'S SOMEWHERE HERE UNDER
YOUR BARBELLS AND MY LAWN MOWER
AND YOUR BALL OF BARBED WIRE,
MY BANANA PEEL COLLECTION,
YOUR MELTING STICK OF BUTTER...
(continues indistinctly)...
MY TRICYCLE...
(panting)
YOUR ROLLER-SKATES.
TIMON, EVEN IF YOU DON'T
PLAY A SINGLE NOTE,
MY UNCLE'S GOING TO BE
THE KINDEST, SWEETEST,
MOST GENTLEST WARTHOG
YOU'VE EVER MET!
PUMBAA-LA!
I THOUGHT I HEARD
YOU OUT HERE.
ENTER, PLEASE.
NEPHEW PUMBAA, YOU SHOULD
NOT HAVE BROUGHT ME GIFT.
BUT, A NEW MUFFLER I CAN USE.
I VERY MUCH LIKE TO TIGHTEN IT
AROUND MY HOOF.
SO VERY, VERY TIGHT
LIKE THIS, YOU SEE.
IN ORDER TO KEEP
MY DANCING HOOFS
FROM GETTING CHIPPED.
(chuckles) THAT'S NOT
A MUFFLER, UNCLE BOARIS.
THAT'S MY FRIEND, TIMON!
FRIEND TIMON,
IT IS MY PLEASURE
TO BE MEETING YOU.
OH, NO.
THE PLEASURE IS ALL MINE.
OH, HOW GOOD IT IS
TO SEE FAMILY. COME,
GIVE YOUR UNCLE A HUG!
YOU, TOO, FRIEND TIMON!
YOU KNOW, HUGS REALLY
AREN'T MY THING.
DON'T BE SO SHY,
FRIEND TIMON!
(sighs) WHO CAN RESIST
A DOUBLE HUG CLINCHER?
(groaning)
(enunciating) CA-VIAR.
(scoffs)
MUST BE RUSSIAN
FOR BUG-LARVAE.
MMM.
(sighs) MY HOOVES
ARE NOT WHAT THEY
USED TO BE, PUMBAA.
YOU'RE RETIRING?
BUT ONE FINAL AND GLORIOUS
BALLET SHALL I DANCE TOMORROW
NIGHT!
ROYAL DIGNITARIES AND
DEVOTED FANS OF FAR AWAY
COUNTRIES WILL COME.
AS MY COUNTRY HAS DECLARED
IT NATIONAL HOLIDAY
FOR MY HONOR.
ALL OF RUSSIA
WILL BE WATCHING ME,
PAY-PER-VIEW, OF COURSE.
AND AFTER MY ENCORE,
WE CELEBRATE!
I MAYBE OPEN ONE
PRECIOUS JAR FROM MY
PRIZED COLLECTION OF CAVIAR.
WOW! DO YOU ACTUALLY
TASTE THOSE DELICATELY
SALTED
AND SEASONED
FISH EGGS?
FISH EGGS?
(exclaims in disgust)
YES, NEPHEW PUMBAA!
TOMORROW NIGHT IS SO
MUCH THAT SPECIAL!
HOW GRACEFUL
WILL I DANCE?
I WILL BE KNOWN
THROUGHOUT THE WORLD
AS FINEST BALLET DANCER
IN HISTORY! (yelping)
UNCLE BOARIS!
(exclaiming)
(thudding)
(crashing)
(woman screaming)
(cat yelping)
(tires screeching)
(glass shattering)
LOOKS LIKE HIS ENGLISH
ISN'T THE ONLY THING
THAT'S BROKEN.
EVERYTHING IS BROKEN,
INCLUDING MY DREAMS.
MY FINAL PERFORMANCE
WILL NEVER BE.
OH, BOY! YOU MUST REALLY FEEL
ROTTEN KNOWING YOU'RE GOING TO
LET DOWN ALL THOSE DIGNITARIES
-AND CZARS AND PRESIDENTS
AND KINGS AND AMBASSADORS AND...
-TIMON!
BUT THINK ABOUT IT!
ALL THE RUBLES THOSE BIG
MUCKETY-MUCKS SHELLED OUT
TO SEE THIS GUY,
I MEAN, HE PUT
THE "BOAR" IN
BORISHNIKOV.
BUT... WHAT TO DO?
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO DO.
PUT MY STAR QUALITY,
UNDENIABLE TALENT
AND CROWD-PLEASING
STAGE ACT TO GOOD USE.
FREE OF CHARGE!
-YOU?
-OF COURSE!
I STUDIED AT JULIAN!
YOU MEAN JUILLIARD?
NO, JULIAN.
JUILLIARD'S COUSIN.
(groans) WE MUST FIND
SOMEONE ELSE TO
PERFORM IN MY PLACE!
BUT NOBODY CAN
REPLACE YOU.
PUMBAA-LA,
YOU COULD DANCE
FOR ME!
ME?
WAIT! ONE MINUTE,
UNCLE BOARIS, I GOT IT!
PUMBAA COULD
DANCE FOR YOU!
YOU LOOK LIKE HIM AND HE
LOOKS LIKE YOU. NO ONE
WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!
BUT I CAN'T DANCE!
(scoffs) YOU ARE WARTHOG!
BALLET IS IN YOUR BLOOD!
DON'T YOU WORRY, UNCLE BOARIS.
THIS PIG'S BEEN IN WORSE POKES
THAN THIS.
I'LL HAVE HIM ON HIS TOES
BY TOMORROW NIGHT.
UH, I'M NOT SO SURE
ABOUT THIS, TIMON!
PIPE DOWN, PUMBAA,
I'M READING!
LET'S SEE.
FIRST POSITION,
SECOND...
AH! WE DON'T NEED THIS!
HOW HARD CAN BALLET BE?
JUST DO A LOT OF
FANCY HOPPING AND
PRANCING AROUND.
GO ON, TRY IT! THAT'S IT!
EXPRESS YOURSELF WITH
A LOT OF...
TWIRLY, SWIRLY,
SPINNY THINGS.
OOH!
FEEL THE MUSIC.
(crashing)
UH, TRY TO FEEL
THE MUSIC
A LITTLE LESS.
1, 2, 3, 4...
NOW FLY PUMBAA, FLY!
5, 6, 7... (screaming)
(snarling)
KEEP DANCING, PUMBAA!
DOUBLE-TIME!
THIS IS IT, PUMBAA!
AND THANKS TO MY HARD
WORK, DEDICATION
AND EXPERT INSTRUCTION,
YOU ARE LACED UP
AND READY TO PERFORM!
HOW ABOUT ONE LAST
PRACTICE PIROUETTE
FOR GOOD LUCK?
(exclaiming)
PUMBAA, PAL?
SPEAK TO ME!
I THINK MY LEGS
FEEL KIND OF...BROKEN.
WHAT? BUT PUMBAA,
THE STAGE IS SET.
CELEBRITIES ARE POSING,
ROOT BEER IS CHILLING,
CAMERAS ARE ROLLING.
THE WORLD IS WAITING
TO MAKE YOU A STAR!
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
(audience speaking in Russian)
Fan:
BOARIS, WHERE'S BOARIS?
(clearing throat)
COME ON EVERYONE,
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER NOW!
(playing off-key)
(snoring)
(crickets chirping)
YOU KNOW, A FUNNY THING
HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY
TO THE KREMLIN.
(continues snoring)
HEY, QUIT "RUSSIAN" ME!
(scattered laugh)
I CAN'T BLAME YA!
I'M JUST "STALIN" FOR TIME.
AH! "STALIN" FOR TIME!
WELL, DON'T BE A BUNCH
OF RED SQUARES NOW.
(chuckles nervously)
(clears throat)
(crowd cheering)
HEY, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE NOT
THE ONLY ONE BACK
ON YOUR FEET, PUMBAA.
Both: WOW!
(groaning)
THANKS, FRIEND.
DON'T MENTION IT.
(crowd cheering)
THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.
AND THOSE QUACK DOCTORS
SAID IT WOULD TAKE MONTHS
TO HEAL YOUR FRACTURED
BONES, TORN LIGAMENTS,
AND RIPPED TENDONS.
SAY, HOW DID YOUR INJURIES
HEAL SO QUICKLY, UNCLE?
(chuckling maniacally)
THEY DIDN'T.
GET ME BACK TO HOSPITAL.
(sighs) PUMBAA,
THIS IS PERFECTION!
THE MOST PERFECT SPOT
TO RELAX. AND DO YOU KNOW
WHY THIS IS THE MOST
PERFECT SPOT TO RELAX?
UH, COULD IT BE
THE COOLING SHADE
OF THE SHADY TREE?
THE HAIR-TICKLING
PLEASANTNESS
OF THE SONG BIRDS
AND THE REFRESHINGLY
COOLIFIED SKY BLUE POND?
EXACTLY, MY PORCINE PAL.
YES, THIS IS THE MOST
PERFECT SPOT TO RELAX
AND NOBODY, NO WAY,
NO HOW IS EVER GOING
TO MAKE US LEAVE.
YIKES!
HELLO, I'M TED.
-AND I'M TED.
-I'M TED.
WELL, MY NAME'S "TAKING"
AND THIS IS MY PAL "A NAP"
AND TOGETHER WE'RE
"TAKING A NAP",
SO LEAVE US ALONE!
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
YOU WON'T DISTURB US,
RIGHT, TED?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WON'T DISTURB US
AT ALL. (laughing)
(thudding and clattering)
(yelping)
THAT WAS VERY RUDE
AND NOT NICE.
THAT IT WAS, PUMBAA.
BUT DON'T YOU WORRY, PAL,
I'LL HAVE A WORD WITH THOSE
GROUND SQUIRRELS.
THEM AND THEIR HIGHLY
DEVELOPED SOCIAL UNIT
MAKE ME SICK!
THINK THEY CAN JUST COME
IN HERE AND KICK US OUT.
WHY YOU... I OUGHTA...
(thudding and yelping)
(screaming)
THIS, THE MOST PERFECT
SPOT IN ALL THE JUNGLE,
IS NOW CLUB TED.
A PRIVATE CLUB AND YOU
CAN'T ENJOY THE TREE,
THE POND OR THE BIRDS
UNLESS YOUR NAME
IS TED. RIGHT, TED?
THAT'S RIGHT, TED.
(laughing)
OH, SHUCKS! NOW WE'RE NEVER
EVER GOING TO GET TO RELAX
IN OUR PERFECT SPOT.
NEVER EVER AGAIN!
DON'T WORRY, PUMBAA.
WE'LL BE TAKING A DIP IN THAT
REFRESHING POND IN NO TIME.
JUST DO EXACTLY
AS I SAY.
WHEN I GIVE YOU
THE BIG WINK, YOU SAY,
HELLO, MY NAME IS TED.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
YEAH, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
HI, MY NAME IS TED,
NOT TIMON AND THIS IS
MY PAL, PUMBAA... OR TED.
SAY HELLO, TED.
OH! HELLO, MY NAME IS TED.
WELL, HELLO THERE,
YOU TWO GUYS NAMED TED.
YEAH, HELLO, TEDS.
IT'S WORKING.
WELCOME TO CLUB TED!
DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE NOW
OFFICIAL QUALIFIED CARD
CARRYING MEMBERS?
-OF COURSE!
-THAT'S RIGHT!
JUST AS SOON
AS YOU PERFORM
THE INITIATION TASK.
Both: INITIATION TASK?
-OH, IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
-QUITE SIMPLE.
ALL YOU MUST DO IS, UM...
(whispering)
HANG THESE JINGLY BELLS
AROUND THE NECK OF A LION.
YOU MEAN, THE BIG MEAT
EATING LION THAT LIVES
AT SAVAGE ROCK?
YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
GEE, TIMON, HOW PRECISELY
ARE WE GOING TO GET THE JINGLY
BELLS ON THE LION, EXACTLY?
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
(snoring)
WHO ARE YOU?
AND WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING
ON DOING WITH THOSE
JINGLY BELLS?
WE'RE UH...
WE'RE THE JINGLE BELL SQUAD
AND WE'RE HERE TO PROTECT
ALL SERENGETI CITIZENS BY GIVING
THEM THESE JINGLY BELLS.
(snarling)
-HE'S NOT BUYING IT, TIMON.
-OKAY. OKAY, I GOT ANOTHER ONE.
WE'RE GOVERNMENT SURPLUS
JINGLE BELL DISTRIBUTORS
HERE TO GIVE YOU
YOUR ALLOTED QUANTITY
OF FREE JINGLY BELLS.
(snarling)
OKAY, WELL, WE'RE SANTA'S
HELPER ELVES AND WE'RE HERE
TO GIVE YOU
A SPECIAL PRESENT.
SANTA? A SPECIAL
PRESENT FOR ME?
YES! SANTA HIMSELF WANTS
YOU TO HAVE THESE SPECIAL
SANTA JINGLY BELLS
AND, YOU MUST NEVER EVER
TAKE THEM OFF, NO MATTER
WHAT ANYONE TELLS YOU.
OH! THIS IS GRAND!
MY OWN SANTA JINGLY BELLS!
I WON'T EVER, EVER, EVER
NEVER EVER TAKE THEM OFF.
-TED! OH, TED!
-(knocking on door)
THE TASK IS COMPLETE!
WHAT ARE YOU
BELLOWING ABOUT?
WE DID THE INITIATION THING,
SO NOW WE'RE MEMBERS, SO LET
US IN, COME ON! COME ON!
TED, PUTTING JINGLY
BELLS ON THE LION
IS IMPOSSIBLE!
BUT THEY DID IT!
WHAT DO WE DO?
LEAVE IT TO ME.
MY FUTURE CLUB-MATES, WE MUST
HAVE PROOF THAT THE LION
IS WEARING THE JINGLY BELLS.
WHAT KIND OF PROOF?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO REMOVE
THE BELLS AND RETURN
WITH THEM HERE.
WE GOTTA BRING THE
JINGLY BELLS BACK?
-YES!
-(snarling)
BUT TIMON, YOU TOLD THE
LION NEVER EVER TO TAKE
THE JINGLY BELLS OFF!
QUIET, PUMBAA.
I'M IN THE MIDST
OF BEING INGENIOUS.
(snoring)
(alarm ringing)
YES!
OH, TED, WE HAVE
RETURNED VICTORIOUS
WITH THE JINGLY BELLS.
NOT TO MENTION,
A NEW WATCH.
(indistinct whispering)
THERE IS ANOTHER TASK
TO PERFORM BEFORE
YOU MAY BE ADMITTED.
AH! NOW WHAT?
WE GOTTA PUT THE BELLS
BACK ON THE LION?
NO, NO, NO, NO!
THAT WOULD BE SILLY!
YOU GOTTA PUT THIS SUIT ON HIM!
(laughing)
QUIET!
(sighs)
(banging on door)
YES?
♪ TELEGRAM FOR MR. LION ♪
♪ DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH ♪
♪ TELEGRAM FOR MR. LION ♪
-♪ OH! DOO-DAH-DAY ♪
-Both: ♪ HEY! ♪
UH, THANKS!
Timon:
"DEAR, MR. LION.
YOU ARE HEREBY OFFICIALLY
INVITED TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE
"FOR A GALA CELEBRATION
TO BE HELD IN YOUR HONOR."
WOW!
"THIS IS A FORMAL EVENT,
WHICH MEANS YOU MUST
WEAR A SUIT!
"SIGNED,
THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES."
A SUIT?
WHERE AM I GOING TO GET
A SUIT ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE?
SOMEBODY ASKED FOR A SUIT?
NO, NO, NO, NO!
THIS MANE AND FUR
COMBO HAS GOT TO GO!
WHAT ARE WE TRYING TO SAY?
MANGY SCAVENGER?
NO.
WORK WITH ME LEO HERE,
WORK WITH ME A LITTLE BIT.
A LITTLE NIP AND TUCK
IN THE HEINIE QUARTERS
AND YES...
OH, I THINK
WE'VE GOT IT.
WOW!
HEY, I'M A STUD!
WELL, OUR WORK HERE IS
DONE AND WE REALLY GOTTA
BE GOING, SO...
HEY, THAT'S MY WATCH!
UH-OH!
AND YOU BEAR A STRIKING
RESEMBLANCE TO THOSE
TELEGRAM GUYS.
IT WASN'T US!
I MEAN, WHAT
TELEGRAM GUYS?
WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
COME TO THINK OF IT,
YOU WERE SANTA'S
HELPERS, TOO!
WHAT'S GOING ON
AROUND HERE?
(roaring)
(screaming)
TED, WE HAVE PUT THE SUIT
ON THE LION AS YOU REQUESTED.
AND HE WASN'T NONE TOO
HAPPY ABOUT IT NEITHER!
NOW OPEN UP!
UH, GEE, GUYS.
I'D REALLY LIKE TO LET
YOU IN BUT UH,
WE NEED TO HAVE PROOF THAT
THE SUIT IS ON THE LION.
YEAH, PROOF. YEAH,
THAT'S WHAT WE NEED.
YEAH, YEAH,
PROOF, PROOF.
SO YOU GO BACK
TO THE LION AND...
NO, TED. NO, NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE
GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU SEE, THE LION
KIND OF WANTED TO
MEET ALL OF YOU TEDS.
THUS, WE LED HIM HERE
AND HE'S NOT VERY HAPPY.
SO, YOU'RE THE ANNOYING
LITTLE TEDS WHO KEPT MAKING
THESE GUYS BOTHER ME!
HELLO!
(screeching)
YOU KNOW WHAT, PUMBAA?
NO. WHAT?
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN ANY
CLUB WHICH WON'T ACCEPT ME
AS A MEMBER.