Tigtone (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Tigtone and the Wizard Hunt - full transcript
Tigtone temporarily becomes a wizard on the very same day of the year when all wizards lose their powers and the traditional hunt on them begins. Meanwhile, the Queen/King try to raise their favorite court wizard from the dead.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
The [INAUDIBLE].
Yes, it's a nasty
ice melting, Tone.
Unfreeze the frozen library
of Levoquin by lighting all four
of hose wall scones
at the same time.
Helpy, be on fire.
[SCREAM]
Sh, this is a library.
Scream quiet.
The library is saved,
so you get a reward.
It's this one.
The Ancient Wizard Handbook.
But know this, if you read
the magic words out loud,
you will...
[INAUDIBLE].
Become a wizard.
Magic courses to
through my veins.
Flash hands.
Come, Helpy.
Let's go test my
new magic powers.
Bee raid.
Switch legs with head.
Prepare temperature.
I am full of such a
[INAUDIBLE] for joy,
I don't even know
what day it is.
Today as the day you
graduate from Wizard School.
You're no longer kidzards, which
is what I call kid wizards.
It's kind of fun.
But before you get
your hats, I have
to tell you the awful truth.
You see those three of the
six moons aligning up there
and all those mortals
sharpening weapons?
Well, the thing about that is...
Oh, yes, wizard hunt.
The one day of the
year we mortals
may hunt wizards for fun.
But for me only
a tearful reminder
of our beloved long
dead wizard Amothedius.
Mathis?
Yes, my King Queen.
Open our locket so that
we may gaze upon him.
Oh.
Silence.
The moons are about to
align, three of six, that is.
That's right,
the lunar alignment
sucks all the magic
right out of this world
and sort of robs
us of our powers.
OK, here we go.
Should we count it down?
Anyone?
No?
OK, then, let's just let it
happen without the countdown
then.
Helpy, ribs go on the inside.
My regeneration
power, it's gone.
Allow me.
Regenerate.
Why would my wizard
magic suddenly disappear?
Wizard hunt.
Wizard hunt.
Wizard hunt, the
holiday I'm best at.
Kill the wizards.
Oh, no.
I'm a wizard.
Unwieldy beard.
I do so miss Amothedius.
I miss him too.
You don't see me having
emotions about it.
Oh, if only there were a way
to redirect the magic energy
with this focusing
staff and use it
to restore Amothedius to life.
I've just come up
with a marvelous plan
to get Amothedius back.
Mathis?
Yes, my liegeses.
Shut up.
Do what the King just said.
Wizard hunt.
Wizard hunt.
Oh, downs, it's the
wizard ender Tigtone.
My name is Crackers.
Crackers the wizard, and you
can imagine how terrifying
it is to have you here Tigtone.
I mean you no murder.
I too am hunted.
Oh, that's great.
Hey, zons, there's something
weird about the way
the moons are glowing.
Like someone's redirecting
the magic energy.
Two or more can play
at this game of using
a staff to change things.
Command-Or Mathis, I
have come to reclaim
that magic for all wizards.
I can't let you, Tigtone.
I need some of that magic
to resurrect Amothedius,
and I'm doing a good job of it.
You've never done a
good job of anything.
Yes.
One big wizard with all
the magic is better.
What have you done?
That's too much magic.
He will protect us
with his giant wisdom.
[INAUDIBLE]
Take that, mortals.
I must share the good news
with my breaded brethren.
Come, Helpy.
I can't, Tigtone.
Please listen to me.
I've helped you on many quests,
but now I have only one quest
left, I'm going to die.
Take this to remember you by.
Please, please,
just stay with me.
So this is how it
ends, abandoned, alone.
I too know the pain of
wounds both inner and outer.
I can see by your scars that you
have faced many fearsome foes.
Especially the most
fearsome foe of all, myself.
Fear not, neglected
one, I shall take you
back to the castle
where you can spend
your last moments with that
stranger we call dignity.
Amothedius, alive, and there's
so much more of him to love.
We're going to need
a bigger market.
King Queen, I'm back.
Mathis, we blame
you for this mess.
Go sit down.
No, in the corner on the ground.
Wizards, see this.
I have brought us a champion.
Mouth lightning is my favorite.
Oh, no.
He cast goat throw.
All stop and look at Tigtone.
Wizard hunt.
Do you hear those words?
Wizard hunt.
I didn't understand them
when I said wizard hunt.
I didn't understand them
when I hunted wizards.
It was only today
when I was a wizard
and I was hunted that
I truly understood.
Wizard hunt is hunting
wizards, and it's wrong.
Mortals and wizards, put
aside your differences
and join me to
destroy this one giant
wizard, for you see, all
wizards have one weakness, me.
Something's not quite right.
Perfect.
And so begins the
grand battle of our age,
a giant wizard against a
mortal giant wooden man.
[INAUDIBLE]
Propecia is saved.
All thanks to Tigtone's
terrifying presence.
And no thanks to Mathis.
At least this day
I have finally made
a true friend in you, Helpy.
Please, Mathis, call
me by my real name.
It's... Tigtone.
Quickly, fellow wizards, reclaim
your magic from
the giant's corpse
through the ritual of nuzzling.
Nuzzle like you really mean it.
Here, Helpy, regenerate.
I'm OK.
Come, Tigtone, won't
you nuzzled with us
and regain your wizardly powers?
No, Crackers, I
don't believe I will.
But why not?
Because... I love wizard hunt.
Woo, that's one for the books.
My books.
Chirp.
The [INAUDIBLE].
Yes, it's a nasty
ice melting, Tone.
Unfreeze the frozen library
of Levoquin by lighting all four
of hose wall scones
at the same time.
Helpy, be on fire.
[SCREAM]
Sh, this is a library.
Scream quiet.
The library is saved,
so you get a reward.
It's this one.
The Ancient Wizard Handbook.
But know this, if you read
the magic words out loud,
you will...
[INAUDIBLE].
Become a wizard.
Magic courses to
through my veins.
Flash hands.
Come, Helpy.
Let's go test my
new magic powers.
Bee raid.
Switch legs with head.
Prepare temperature.
I am full of such a
[INAUDIBLE] for joy,
I don't even know
what day it is.
Today as the day you
graduate from Wizard School.
You're no longer kidzards, which
is what I call kid wizards.
It's kind of fun.
But before you get
your hats, I have
to tell you the awful truth.
You see those three of the
six moons aligning up there
and all those mortals
sharpening weapons?
Well, the thing about that is...
Oh, yes, wizard hunt.
The one day of the
year we mortals
may hunt wizards for fun.
But for me only
a tearful reminder
of our beloved long
dead wizard Amothedius.
Mathis?
Yes, my King Queen.
Open our locket so that
we may gaze upon him.
Oh.
Silence.
The moons are about to
align, three of six, that is.
That's right,
the lunar alignment
sucks all the magic
right out of this world
and sort of robs
us of our powers.
OK, here we go.
Should we count it down?
Anyone?
No?
OK, then, let's just let it
happen without the countdown
then.
Helpy, ribs go on the inside.
My regeneration
power, it's gone.
Allow me.
Regenerate.
Why would my wizard
magic suddenly disappear?
Wizard hunt.
Wizard hunt.
Wizard hunt, the
holiday I'm best at.
Kill the wizards.
Oh, no.
I'm a wizard.
Unwieldy beard.
I do so miss Amothedius.
I miss him too.
You don't see me having
emotions about it.
Oh, if only there were a way
to redirect the magic energy
with this focusing
staff and use it
to restore Amothedius to life.
I've just come up
with a marvelous plan
to get Amothedius back.
Mathis?
Yes, my liegeses.
Shut up.
Do what the King just said.
Wizard hunt.
Wizard hunt.
Oh, downs, it's the
wizard ender Tigtone.
My name is Crackers.
Crackers the wizard, and you
can imagine how terrifying
it is to have you here Tigtone.
I mean you no murder.
I too am hunted.
Oh, that's great.
Hey, zons, there's something
weird about the way
the moons are glowing.
Like someone's redirecting
the magic energy.
Two or more can play
at this game of using
a staff to change things.
Command-Or Mathis, I
have come to reclaim
that magic for all wizards.
I can't let you, Tigtone.
I need some of that magic
to resurrect Amothedius,
and I'm doing a good job of it.
You've never done a
good job of anything.
Yes.
One big wizard with all
the magic is better.
What have you done?
That's too much magic.
He will protect us
with his giant wisdom.
[INAUDIBLE]
Take that, mortals.
I must share the good news
with my breaded brethren.
Come, Helpy.
I can't, Tigtone.
Please listen to me.
I've helped you on many quests,
but now I have only one quest
left, I'm going to die.
Take this to remember you by.
Please, please,
just stay with me.
So this is how it
ends, abandoned, alone.
I too know the pain of
wounds both inner and outer.
I can see by your scars that you
have faced many fearsome foes.
Especially the most
fearsome foe of all, myself.
Fear not, neglected
one, I shall take you
back to the castle
where you can spend
your last moments with that
stranger we call dignity.
Amothedius, alive, and there's
so much more of him to love.
We're going to need
a bigger market.
King Queen, I'm back.
Mathis, we blame
you for this mess.
Go sit down.
No, in the corner on the ground.
Wizards, see this.
I have brought us a champion.
Mouth lightning is my favorite.
Oh, no.
He cast goat throw.
All stop and look at Tigtone.
Wizard hunt.
Do you hear those words?
Wizard hunt.
I didn't understand them
when I said wizard hunt.
I didn't understand them
when I hunted wizards.
It was only today
when I was a wizard
and I was hunted that
I truly understood.
Wizard hunt is hunting
wizards, and it's wrong.
Mortals and wizards, put
aside your differences
and join me to
destroy this one giant
wizard, for you see, all
wizards have one weakness, me.
Something's not quite right.
Perfect.
And so begins the
grand battle of our age,
a giant wizard against a
mortal giant wooden man.
[INAUDIBLE]
Propecia is saved.
All thanks to Tigtone's
terrifying presence.
And no thanks to Mathis.
At least this day
I have finally made
a true friend in you, Helpy.
Please, Mathis, call
me by my real name.
It's... Tigtone.
Quickly, fellow wizards, reclaim
your magic from
the giant's corpse
through the ritual of nuzzling.
Nuzzle like you really mean it.
Here, Helpy, regenerate.
I'm OK.
Come, Tigtone, won't
you nuzzled with us
and regain your wizardly powers?
No, Crackers, I
don't believe I will.
But why not?
Because... I love wizard hunt.
Woo, that's one for the books.
My books.
Chirp.