Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 8, Episode 6 - Hearing Is Believing - full transcript

Janet's father is visiting. Jack tells his roommate about his new girlfriend Doreen, but is hesitant to tell what she does for a living. She is a sex therapist, but when Janet meets her, she thinks Doreen is a prostitute.

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are
hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪



♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Aha! I found your trouble.

Heh! Well, they don't call me

Roto-Rooter Ralph for nothing.

Here's the problem
with your disposal...

This little pit here.

That's what stopped it.

Oh! I guess you could
call that a pit-stop.

Ha ha ha ha ha! You
know... ha ha ha...

A little joke.



A very little joke.

In fact, it was the pits.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I can repartee with
the best of them.

No more pits, understand?

Yes, sir.

Oh, morning, Janet.

Hi, Ter.

So, how was your
date last night?

Well, let's see.

How can I put it most kindly?

He was like a snake with hands.

That would make him a lizard.

Mr. Furley,
perhaps you'd like to

come over here where
you can hear better.

No, no, no. I'm fine here,

as long as you speak up.

Honestly.

He's no Robert Redford, huh?

Terri, this guy had
the IQ of a camel,

the table manners of a pig,

and the personality
of a wet tent.

Are you gonna see him again?

Mr. Furley,

we're trying to have a
private conversation here.

Maybe I'd better come over.

Mr. Furley, we
would like to be alone!

Well, pardon me!
Why didn't you say so?

You don't have to get huffy!

Women! How do you figure 'em?

Oh, God. Look who I'm asking.

Wouldn't it be easier

just to live with
a clogged sink?

Janet, what do you think

your father would
like for dinner tonight?

Well, let's see, Jack.

He's gonna be
coming off a long flight.

Something light, huh?

How about chicken?

Great! Yeah!

And Jack, thanks again.

I really appreciate it.

Well, are you kidding me?

How often does your
father get to come to town?

We're gonna have
some fun tonight.

♪ Heaven, I'm in heaven ♪

♪ And... ♪
Wing it, mama!

Whoo!

Bawk bawk bawk
bawk bawk bawk bawk!

Aah! Good catch!

Having some fun tonight,
ladies and gentlemen.

Jack, what are you
so happy about?

Doreen.

Who's Doreen?

You haven't met her,
but Doreen is lovely.

That's who she
is. She's so sweet,

and every time I'm with her,

I just feel so good.

What does she do?

Terri, that's very personal.

Jack, I think what
Terri means is,

what does she do for a living?

Oh, that! Oh... Yeah.

Well, she works.

Doing what?

This and that.

Why are you being so evasive?

Why are you being so nosy?

Give me a break.

Come on!

Why can't you just tell us

what the girl does for a living?

Janet, what difference
does it make what she does?

The important thing
is what she is, right?

Right. So, what is she?

She's about this
tall, blonde hair...

Jack! Oh, look at the time!

You're gonna be late
for the flower shop.

Jack, wait a minute!

You don't have a minute! Jack!

Janet, flowers
have feelings, too.

♪ Heaven, I'm in heaven ♪

Hi.

Oh, Doreen, you
look so beautiful

just standing there.

Does that mean I
have to stay out here?

No, no, no, no, no.

Please, come in.

Just sit on the couch here.

I'll be ready in a minute.

You know, I thought
it was impossible.

What?

For you to look even better now

than you did last night.

My, aren't you full
of compliments?

He's full of something.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, how droll, Terri.

Doreen, I'd like you to meet

my humor-filled
roommate Terri Alden.

This is Dr... Uh-uh!

Oh, I'm sorry, Doreen.
It just slipped out.

Don't worry. I
didn't hear a thing.

Thank you.

So, what kind of
a doctor are you?

Terri!

No, it's all right.

It's just that I asked
Jack not to mention

that I was a psychologist.

Oh? Why?

I find it puts people
on their guard.

They stop being themselves.

I can understand that.

Yes, and besides that,

they immediately
start asking for advice.

I know exactly what you mean.

I mean, I'm a nurse,

and people always bug
me for medical advice.

I mean, it makes me so mad,

I could just scream!

How do you suggest
I handle that, doctor?

Terri!

Oh! Ha ha ha ha!
I'm like... ha ha!

I have to get to work.

It was really nice
meeting you, doctor.

Doreen! Doreen!

Right. Doreen.

Well, ciao.

I'm sorry.

See what I mean, Jack?

Jack, you've got to promise me

you won't tell
anybody else what I do.

I promise, okay?

Good.

I'm so glad you asked
me out today, Jack.

Are you?

Well, of course!

I really like you, you know.

See, that's one of the things

I like about you...

Your good taste.

Well, let's get on down
to the beach, okay?

Jack, what's your hurry?

Well, the surf is
really twitching

at this time of day.

We gotta get the curls,
man, and go surfing.

Jack.

Yes?

This is the third time
we've been alone together

and you haven't even kissed me.

Is that all you
girls think about?

Are you afraid of me?

Me afraid of you? Oh, come on!

Are you serious?

Then it must be my job.

Your job? What?

Just because
you're a psychologist

who specializes in uh, uh, uh...

Sexual dysfunctions.

Yeah, that.

It doesn't mean...

Jack, you know,
you're not the first man

who's been put off by
what I do for a living.

I'm not? No, no.

When it comes to sex,

you think I've seen it all,

heard it all... No, no.

Well, I have.

You ha... you hav... you have?

Jack, relax.

When I'm with you,

I forget that I'm
a professional.

You do?

Come on, Jack.

Are you afraid of
getting a bad grade?

Do you think I'm
going to rate you

on a scale from 1 to 10?

Yes. No. Well, I
don't know what...

Should...

4.7.

Oh, no!

Should I take a make-up
exam, do you think?

Okay.

What, are you gonna time me now?

No. No, it's just that
I promised a client

I'd call him at
10:00 this morning.

But it's your day off.

I know, but I can't
let John down.

You see, his
marriage is at stake.

Why?

Well, he thinks
he's a lousy lover.

What makes him think that?

His wife keeps telling him.

Oh! Poor guy.

Yeah. And he's so upset,

he's moved out.

You see, I'm trying to
restore his confidence.

Restore? How do you...

I mean, do you, like...

What do guys... I
mean, are you in...

I mean, clinically,
do you, um...

how...

I just talk to him.

I thought so.
Yeah, that's what...

Does it take long?

Sometimes, but I think
his case is just temporary.

Oh, sort of like a
batting slump, huh?

He's not hitting it
off, or, you know,

sometimes you've got
to really concentrate.

Otherwise, you think...
You worry too much.

You know, grease
up with that pine tar,

otherwise it gets...

You know, the phone's over there

if you need to... Thank you.

Sorry.

Uh, Jack. Yeah?

Would you excuse me?

Oh, sure. I'm
sorry. You guys talk.

I'll be in the chicken...
I mean, the kitchen.

Bawk bawk.

Hello, John? Dr. McMillan.

Hey! Hey, slow down! Easy, easy.

You seem so anxious.

Well, of course I'm available.

No, no, no. Right now?

Okay. I'll come to your hotel.

Oh, no. It's no trouble at all.

That's what I get paid for.

Oh, that's right.
I almost forgot.

What's your room number? Oh.

Excuse me.

Did you see Doreen?

I sure did.

Isn't she something?

She sure is!

I knew you'd like her.

Jack. Hmm?

She's in there right
now, calling a...

John.

It's okay, Janet.

I told her she could
use the phone.

It's okay?

Janet, it's only a local call.

Jack! What?

I heard her on the phone.

I know what she
does for a living.

Oh, no. But remember,

you didn't hear it
from me, all right?

Doesn't it bother you?

Well, a little.

A little?

Well, as long as
she's helping people.

I don't believe this! What?

I don't believe this!

Hi. You must be Janet.

Yeah, I must.

Jack, I apologize,
but I've got to run.

I have an appointment.

To help somebody?

Did you tell the whole world?

No. She's just very intuitive.

I didn't... Oh, I guess

it doesn't matter.

I'll be back just
as soon as I can.

Okay. Bye-bye.

It was nice to meet you, Janet.

Hang on. Before you go,

could I just ask you one thing?

Listen, I'll be glad to
help you with any problem,

but I have to take care
of a client first, okay?

See what I mean, Janet?

Somebody needs
help, and she runs.

What a pro.

She's a pro, all right.

And Janet, we're gonna be seeing

a lot of Doreen around here.

We are?

As a matter of fact,

I invited her to dinner tonight.

Jack, my father's
gonna be here tonight.

Don't worry.

There'll be plenty of
chicken to go around.

Jack!

And let's try to get
Doreen to open up.

Open up?

Yeah. For your father's sake.

What?

I'm telling you, Janet,
once she gets started,

she's gonna charm
the pants off your dad.

Oh! Aah! My shin!

You're lucky, Jack.

That's not where I was aiming!

Mike.

Yeah?

I'll have another.

Janet, I know it's
none of my business,

but don't you think
you've had enough?

You're right, Mike.

It's none of your business.

You're gonna hate
yourself in the morning.

Mike. All right.

Look, okay.

Another large
order of French fries!

Most of my customers
drink when they're upset.

Well, I eat when I'm upset,

and I also drink.

Give me another root beer.

Hi there, Janet.

Well, you look a
little more cheerful

than you did this morning.

Go away.

Of course, the light's
a little bad in here.

Look, Mr. Furley, could you
please just leave me alone?

You're lucky I was there

to help you out with
your sink this morning.

If I hadn't been there,

that water would have
backed up and overflowed.

And I'm talking dirty water!

Then you get your germs

and flies and cockroaches,

big clumps of goop.

Mr. Furley, not
while I'm eating.

Oh, right. Yeah.

I'll wait till you're through.

You know, it's crazy
when you think about it.

What?

Well, they call it ketchup,

but they spell it "catsup."

Why do you think that is?

I never think about catsup.

It's ketchup.

Whatever.

Are you gonna eat your ketchup?

No. And I'm not gonna
eat my catsup, either.

Mind if I have it?

Be my guest.

Okay, thanks.

Hey, don't eat my French fries!

Well, you didn't think I
was gonna eat your ketchup

with my bare fingers, did you?

Mr. Furley, could
you please just

leave me alone? All right,

all right! You don't
have to get into a snit!

What's the matter?

No wonder she
goes out with losers.

With her disposition,

she's lucky to have
any dates at all!

Damn!

What's wrong?

It's Jack.

He invited Doreen
to dinner tonight.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Nice? Terri, my
father's gonna be there.

So?

Don't you know what she does?

Sure, and I think it's a
nice change for Jack.

I beg your pardon?

I think a woman like that
could teach Jack a lot.

What is the matter with you?

Me?

Oh, Janet, you're
not jealous, are you?

Of what?

Well, I mean, Doreen
makes a lot of money,

she sets her own hours,

and she's doing something
that she really likes.

You're worse than Jack!
Give me that French fry.

Here you go, doctor.

Take one of these and
call me in the morning.

Ha ha ha!

Well, I hope I
won't need a phone.

Well, sure you will, unless...

Oh, you wouldn't.

I mean, not that you couldn't.

I mean, we shouldn't, should we?

Or do you want...
I mean, should...

I had a wonderful
time today at the beach.

Did you?

Well, I was a
little disappointed.

You were?

Yes. I wore my new bikini

especially for you,

and you didn't say anything.

Well, there was so
little to talk about.

Then you did notice.

Well, I have to admit

I did take an itsy-bitsy,

teeny-weeny little peeky at it.

That's all.

I hope you liked it.

You mean you couldn't tell?

I can't read minds, Jack.

That's a relief.

I mean, that's very interesting.

But a person's body
language can tell me a lot.

Like what?

Well, for instance, if
a person is repressed,

he's usually very tense.

Oh, yeah. I see what you mean.

If he's much too relaxed,

then I can tell he's scheming.

Oh, really?

And of course a person who's
completely unsure of himself

doesn't know how to sit.

Oh, yeah. I... you
know, that's interesting,

because I observe
a lot of people myself

at the restaurant
and the people...

You know, it's
really interesting

people like... well,

people from Motown
sit like this, you know?

Jack, what am I
gonna do with you?

Oh, I could make a list.

Jack.

Yeah?

I've been looking
forward to this all day.

You know, you have
the most beautiful eyes

in the whole world?

Well, you don't have
to use a line on me.

No, no. That's not a line.

I've never said
that to another girl

in my whole life.

Really?

Scout's honor.

Look into my eyes and tell me

you've never said
that to anyone else.

And remember, I'm
a trained professional.

I can tell when you're lying.

I have never said
that to any other girl.

Huh?

You got a lie detector?

What is that?

It's just my phone beeper.

I knew that, I knew that.

I have to call my office.

Okay, no problem.

I'll just sit here

and wait for my heart
to get started again.

Yes, this is Dr. McMillan.

Oh, darn. Where is he?

Uh-huh.

Well, hold on. Jack.

Yeah?

Well, you know that client

I told you about this morning?

He's at a phone booth near here,

and he's very upset.

Could he come over
for a few minutes?

Here?

Well, it sounds
like an emergency,

and I'm afraid if I
don't talk to him,

he might do something desperate.

You don't mean...

That's right. Go to
another therapist.

Oh, my!

Really, it's important.

Sure. He can come over here

and use one of the
bedrooms as an office.

Okay. Thanks. Yeah.

Yes. Just tell him to come over.

Oh, Janet, wait till you hear!

Jack, we have to talk.

Yeah, but first...

No. Nothing first. Now.

What's so urgent?

Jack, we have a
problem, a big problem.

You sure do. Give me these.

Give me my potato chips!

If you keep eating those,

you'll turn into la blimp.

I know, and it'll
be all your fault.

My fault? What are
you talking about?

About that woman
that you're seeing.

Shh!

Jack, don't shush me!

I'm gonna have my say!

You'll disturb Doreen.

Doreen?

Yeah. She's with a client,

trying to save his marriage.

Where? In your room.

My room? Yeah.

Janet. My room?

Wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute. Jack!

My room is occupied.

Occupied?

Yes. Surprise,
your father's here.

Daddy? Yeah.

Keep your voice down.

You're gonna wake him up.

He's taking a nap.

My father is in
there taking a nap

while she's in there
with a... a... a...

John.

Oh, Jack. Jack, I want
to thank you again.

Oh, my pleasure.

I feel so much better now.

Glad to hear it.

I just don't know what
I'd do without Doreen.

You could go home to your wife.

Now I can.

Thanks again, Jack.

Okay. My pleasure. Take care.

Thanks for the room.

All right.

Boy, he's so much happier now

than when he first came in.

Jack, how could you?

In my... Janet,

you have got
some terrific father.

They've met?

Oh, sure. They hit it
off right from the start.

Excuse us.

Unh! What is wrong with you?

Jack, I want that
woman out of this house!

You have 30 seconds
to say good-bye.

Janet, could I...

Janet!

Is Janet upset about something?

Oh...

What makes you say that?

Jack, I don't think
we should ignore this.

I think we should
go talk to her.

Doreen, I don't think
that's such a good idea.

I told you it wasn't
such a good idea.

Okay. She is expressing
hostility about something.

She obviously has trouble
putting feelings into words.

Jack Tripper,

you are the most thoughtless,

insensitive excuse for a man

that I have ever met!

But she's getting better at it.

What you did was low,
cheap, and unfeeling.

Much better.

Pumpkin!

Daddy! Ooh!

Oh! What's all the
rumpus out here?

Rumpus? Nothing.

We were just saying
good-bye to Doreen.

Oh, I thought she
was staying for dinner.

So did I!

Well, then, it's all settled!

Good. Well, then,
let's just all relax

and wait for dinner, all right?

So, Doreen, how did
you make out with that,

uh, John?

Oh, just fine. Good.

Isn't Doreen something, Janet?

She even makes house calls.

Hey, Janet, can I
get you something?

Get away from me.

Hors d'oeuvres. Good idea.

I'll be right back.

You know, Doreen,
I've been thinking.

Maybe you can help
Janet's Uncle Fred.

What?

Well, you might
as well know, Janet.

He and your Aunt Martha
have been having problems.

Well, you just tell
him to give me a call.

Here's my card. Huh!

You've even got a business card?

Here we are: chips and dip.

Just a minute, Jack.

Janet, do you know
what I do for a living?

I certainly do.

It's right here in
black and white:

"Doreen McMillan,
the... rapist."

That's therapist.

Yeah. Yeah, that's...

Therapist?

She always did have
trouble with her reading.

Therapist. Therapist.

Well, yeah. What did you
think she did, pumpkin?

Yeah, pumpkin,
what did you think?

Uh, well, I... I, uh...

I, uh, I, uh, thought that...

Mr. Furley! Hi!

Hi, Terri. Is Janet home?

No.

Good.

I don't know
what's with that girl.

She acts like somebody

put a burr under her saddle.

Mr. Furley, well, you see...

Why can't she act more like you?

Like me?

Yeah. You're so sweet

and you have a nice disposition

and you don't snap
my head off for ketchup.

You mean catsup.

No. I mean ketchup.

Well, where I come
from, they call it catsup.

Well, they're wrong!

Mr. Furley, it's
really not important.

Ketchup's not important?

Mr. Furley, call it
whatever you like.

I really don't care.

You don't care? You don't care?

I'm just gonna pretend
I didn't even hear that!

Mr. Furley!

That's the trouble with
you young people today!

You don't care about
anything that counts!

Today it's ketchup,
tomorrow the world!

Hi, Mr. Furley. It's ketchup,

and don't you forget it!

Damn!

What did you do to him?

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