Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 7, Episode 8 - An Affair to Forget - full transcript

Janet's friend Randy comes to town, and when Jack meets her, he is smitten. Janet is OK with Jack and Randy going out. Later, Janet and Jack find out Randy omitted one detail - she is married.

[Man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[Woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[Both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪



♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Hey, Janet, I got the mail.

[Janet] Thank you!

Okay... Janet.
Gardening Monthly, Janet.

Medical News, Terry.

Jack. Janet.

Illustrated Lingerie catalog...

Jack.

Terry.



Jack, you're not dressed!

I am so dressed.

Not for company, you're not.

Jack, I told you...

I'm tired of hearing
about Randy Buckley.

But... Janet, I know
she's your best friend

from high school but so what?

Well, I just want you to
make a good impression.

Don't I always? [Janet] Aah!

I make good impressions.
I always make...

Stop it! Get up!

I'm leaking! Oh!

Get up, get up. Give me this.

What a mess. Look what you did.

It's fine. Jack, please.

We have to get this
place all straightened up.

You see...

Well, I haven't seen Scooter
since she moved to New York.

Wait. "Scooter?"

Yeah, isn't that great?

That's what we
always used to call her.

She was a scrappy little
tomboy, always rolling in the dirt,

riding her bike.

Glory-offsky, I can't
wait to tell the Beaver

that Scooter's coming to town.

Oh, that's gonna be so boss!

It's not "Scooter"
anymore, Jack.

She's all grown up now.

Very successful in
advertising, a career woman.

She's out here
making a commercial.

So, could you at least
try and look presentable?

Oh, sure, Janet. For you...

[doorbell rings]
I'll tie my shoes.

Oh! All right? How about that?

Scooter!

Piggy!

"Piggy"?

Come in! Oh, come
in! My goodness.

Oh, look at you!
You look wonderful.

Does she ever!

Thank you... both.

I'd like you to meet my
roommate, Jack Tripper.

Randy Buckley. Hello.

Nice to meet you. Why didn't you
tell me Randy was coming over?

What? I would've dressed
more appropriately.

Excuse me. [groans]

Piggy?

I used to do this
imitation of Porky Pig.

Ha ha! "Bedea-bedea-bedea,

that's all folks!"

He's kinda cute.

Yeah, if you like
that sort of thing.

Oh, I do.

Good, I was kind of hoping
you and Jack would hit it off.

Yeah? Well, I'll
give it my best shot.

Okay! You know what, Randy?

There is something
different about you.

Well, I had my teeth capped,

I fixed my nose, I
straightened my hair

and I lost 20 pounds.

No, that's not it.

I'm wearing high heels.

That's it! You're taller.

Hi, ladies. I'm back.

What took you so long?

[laughs] She's so amusing.

That's why I keep her here.

Jack.

Janet tells me you
make commercials.

Yes, I'm out here to make
one for Chuckie Jeans.

You know the one with
the girl on the horse?

You do those?

I own a pair. I
love my Chuckies.

Yeah, I love the
girl on the horse.

Are you ever gonna show
us her face? Because...

[Janet] Jack!

It's okay Janet. I like a
man with a sense of humor.

Well, good. Maybe
Jack'll introduce you to one.

Listen, while you two get better
acquainted, I'll get us some coffee.

Oh, well, that's a good idea.

Yeah.

Oh, excuse me! I'm sorry.

Bad rocker!

I'm sorry about that.

That's all right.

Janet told us to get
better acquainted.

She did, and we don't want
to let Janet down, do we?

No. We owe it to her.

Yes.

Is it getting warm in here?

Jack, do you have any plans
for the next couple of hours?

It is getting warm in here.

Would you like to
see me in action?

[stuttering] I beg your pardon?

I mean, down at the studio.

You know, where I'm
shooting the commercial.

Oh, I'd love that!
What about Janet?

What about Janet?

I invited Jack
down to the studio,

but he was worried about you.

Oh? You want to come along?

Oh, I'd love to, yeah!

[Janet] But I can't, of course.

Um... I have a date.

[Jack] Really?

Don't sound so surprised.

You've got a date at
11:00 in the morning?

Yeah!

Well, it was the only
time he could get off work.

Who's the guy?

You don't know him.

I know that. That's
why I'm asking.

Why are you being so nosy?

[Jack] I'm just asking.

Jack, please. Randy, would
you get him out of here?

Go on, you two.

[Terry] Oh, Larry,
you're so sweet.

Are you sure you can manage?

Sure. This is much
too heavy for you.

Oh! Hi. Hello.

Terry, Larry. I
would like for you

to meet my good
friend Randy Buckley.

[Randy] Hello.

Here, put these in the kitchen.

Oh!

Nice meeting you.

Well, hello there.

Hello.

And good-bye. We gotta
run. Eat your heart out.

Have a good time! Bye!

[Jack] [panting]

Wow! That was some girl.

Yeah. We grew up together.

Yeah, but not in
the same places.

Oh, Larry! Come on!

Why don't we just, uh...

Yeah, hair looks
great, blouse straight.

Just maybe take
this little tuck like that.

Okay, terrific. Okay.

Well, are you impressed?

Oh, yes, it's really
very interesting.

But, you know, I gotta confess,

there's some commercials
that are really stupid.

I mean, did you ever see the one

where the washing
machine talks to the women?

I did that one.

You didn't let me finish.

I was gonna say,
that one was brilliant.

I could watch that
over and over again...

You want to check these poses?

Yeah. Okay.

All right, let's see.

Um, no.

No.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Yes, that's it.
Okay, let's do one.

All right, everybody. Quiet!

Roll, please.

[coughing]

Hold.

Jack, are you all right?

Yeah, maybe I...

Go ahead. I'm... [hacking]

That's it. No more coughing.

You all right? I'm fine.

I'm fine. Go ahead.

Roll, please.

Chuckie Jeans, take one.

[clap]

Action!

If I don't wear Chuckie Jeans,

I don't wear anything.

Cut! That was good.

There's a shadow on her face.

Could you just check
the light for me, please?

It sure gets complicated
around here, doesn't it?

This is nothing. Try working
with a monkey sometime.

What?

A commercial I
just did in New York.

The monkey wouldn't
do anything right.

Drove you bananas, huh?

Tell me about it!

Every time I
would yell "Action,"

the dumb ape would
roll over and go to sleep.

Cost us a fortune in overtime.

You should have
used an elephant.

I hear they work for peanuts.

That's not funny. I know.

The sponsor hated
it. I've got to do

the whole thing all over
again when I get back.

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault. Dumb
ape just couldn't stay awake.

We're ready! Great.

Okay, roll 'em, please.

Chuckie Jeans, take two.

[clap]

Ready? Action!

If I don't wear Chuckie Jeans...

Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Cut!

Cut, cut, cut!

So sorry. I'm sorry.

Hold on, one second please

I put my hand on
the... Jack, Jack.

I'm sorry, blonde
girl. I didn't know.

Jack, could you just...

You don't need me messing
around when you're trying to work.

I'm so sorry. My apologies.

Sit right over there.

Not another... Mum's the word.

Thank you. I'm sorry.

Randy, I won't...

[Randy] Be right with you.

Lamp was hot,
though. I just didn't...

Roll, please.

Chuckie Jeans, take three.

[clap]

[Randy] Action!

If I don't wear
Chuckie Jeans, Aah!

No, no, I'm fine. I can see.

Oh, you're kidding! A
real live Jack-in-the-box.

Oh, Jack can be such a klutz.

Yeah, well, not always.

Oh?

Actually, we had a
very romantic evening.

[Both] Ohhh...
After we had dinner,

Jack took me down to the beach

and, um... And what?

[gasps] Oh! It's
gonna have to wait.

I've got to get back to the set.

No, no, no! No, come on!

We haven't heard the end!

It's not over. We're gonna
see each other tonight.

I'm gonna pick him up here.

You're going out
with Jack again?

Try to stop me.

Look what time it is. I've got
to change my clothes for work.

It was nice seeing
you again, Randy.

Bye-bye. [Terry] Bye-bye now.

What are you grinning about?

Nothing.

I think it's neat that you
and Jack like each other.

Oh, well, we do.

Yeah? Yeah.

Mm, that sounds serious.

Oh, well, not really, Janet.

I mean, my husband
wouldn't like it very much.

It sounded just like
you said "my husband."

I did.

You're married?

Yes, I thought you knew that.

No, I didn't know! But
your name is still the same.

I kept my maiden name
because of my work.

Well, if you're married,
then where's your husband?

At home in New York,

probably snoozing
in front of the T.V.

But you've been
going out with Jack!

Relax, Janet. It's just
a harmless little fling.

Wait a minute. No.
Hang on a second.

Does Jack know?

Janet... What?

Oh, Randy, how nice!

Jack, I can't talk. I'll
see you tonight, okay?

Okay.

Whoo!

Oh, isn't she something?

She certainly is.

Jack? Yeah?

When you and Randy were out,

did you guys talk?

Well, you gotta talk
a little. Otherwise...

I mean, did you really talk?

You know, seriously.

About what?

Things!

Things. Just, well, um... Hm.

Like New York,

and like what's waiting
for her back there.

Oh, you mean that dumb ape.

"Dumb ape"? How
can you say that?

Because she told
me all about him.

I mean, you can imagine
how frustrating it can be.

No, I can't!

Well, think about it, Janet!

She calls for action
and that stupid baboon

just rolls over
and goes to sleep.

"Stupid baboon"?

Jack, I can't believe
that you can be

that unfeeling and so crude!

Oh, I don't even want
to talk to you anymore!

Hey, wait, Janet!

[door slams] I'm sorry!

I didn't know she had
a thing for baboons.

Janet!

Hey, Janet!

Come on. I don't even know
what's bothering you, Janet.

Can't we talk about this?

Hey, Janet!

Terry!

Did Janet just talk to you?

She certainly did.

You look awful!

Well, I feel awful.

Why?

How would you feel if
one of your roommates

was fooling around with
someone who's married?

What?

Uh! Ow!

Men!

Gee, I'd hate to be
in traction on her floor.

Hey, Jack, here's the
ten bucks I owe you.

I don't believe it!

Okay.

So that's why she wouldn't
talk about the date yesterday.

What? He's married!

That explains why she had to
meet him at 11:00 in the morning.

What are you talking about?

Larry, Janet is having an
affair with a married man!

She told you? No, no.

He told you?

No, Terry told me.

I'm so angry I feel like
hauling off and smashing...

Hey, hey, take it easy, pal.

Hitting Janet won't
solve anything.

I would... Not her. Him!

Oh, Larry, what am I gonna do?

Nothing. Nothing?

Come on. Come on, buddy.

You know Janet.

She's a level-headed girl
with both feet on the ground.

Yeah, but... Just
give her a little time.

After a while, she'll
realize that it's all wrong,

and the whole thing
will just blow over.

Yeah, you're right, pal.

Thanks, Larry.

Yeah, sure. No one's gonna
take advantage of Janet.

I should know. I tried.

[doorbell rings]

Randy, you're early!

Oh, good. We can get
a head start on our date.

I bought this new
dress just for you.

Aww. Do you have a
place where I can change?

Right this way, madam.

Here, let me take this.

Jack... Yeah?

Did Janet talk to you?

Oh, she sure did.

[Randy] Uh-huh. Gave
you a pretty hard time, huh?

[Jack] Yeah, but I
think Janet'll be all right.

She'll get over it.

[Randy] Well, good.
Let's just have fun tonight.

[Jack] You said it.

Would you help
me with this zipper?

[Jack] Oh, sure.

Gee, I'm all thumbs. Oh.

[unzipping]

[Randy] Well, what do you think?

[Jack] Oh, it's beautiful!

Mm, and so soft!

[knocking]

Yes?

Hello. You must be Janet.

Yes, I am. Can I help you?

I'm Randy's husband, Alan.

Aren't you supposed
to be in New York?

Well, I just flew in. I
wanted to surprise her.

She isn't here!

They said at the studio
she was on her way.

But they didn't know she
was going to stop at the hotel

and change clothes
before she came over

and you know how long it
takes a woman to change,

so while you're waiting, why
don't you and I go have a drink?

A drink?

Yes, you won't be seeing
your wife for a long time,

so it'll be fun. Yeah.

Janet? Yeah?

Where are your manners?

Aren't you going to
introduce me to your "friend"?

Alan, Jack. Jack, Alan.

Let's go!

Hi there. Hello.

Hey, that's a nice wedding ring.

Oh, thanks.

I haven't taken this off
since the day I said "I do."

We really should be going.

Not so fast. So, you
never take off your ring?

You see, I find
that fascinating.

Well, it just sort of lets the
whole world know you're married.

That way, when you
fool around a little,

they know right up front
not to expect anything.

Uh-huh. Well, expect this.

Jack, what have you done?

What do you mean, what have
I done? What have you done?

What?

That is a married
man! I know that!

You know that? Then why
are you going out with him?

Why would I go out
with Randy's husband?

Randy's husba-hubba-huh?
Hubba-hubba-huh?

Hubba-hubba-huh?

[Both] Husband!

Yes! Randy's his wi-wi-wi...?

Wife! She's married?

Come on, you knew that!

I didn't know that!

Yes, you did. You called
her husband a "big ape."

I called her monkey a "big ape"!

What monkey?

The monkey in the commercial!

Oh.

Janet, I knocked out an
innocent man. Help me.

Help me get him up. Okay.

Wait! As soon as he comes to,

he's gonna find his
wife in your bedroom.

I said, help me get him
up and help me get him out.

Here we go, big guy. Here we go.

Easy does it. You really need
some air. Let's take a long walk.

Okay. Here, let's walk.

[Randy] Oh, Jack,
honey! Who's that?

Who's that? That's our
other roommate, Terry.

Right.

Yes? Huh?

Isn't it amazing how she
can throw her voice like that?

What is going on here?

Randy's husband here

sort of accidentally got
knocked out by Jack's fist.

Randy's husband? Right.

Yes, we're gonna
take him for a little walk.

No, wait. His eyes
aren't even focused yet.

He's got to lie down.

He can lie down in the street.

Are you crazy?

Terry's right, Jack. We'll
lie him down in the kitchen.

The kitchen? Yeah,
he could be hungry!

Lie him down on the couch.

Wait, Terry... On the couch now!

Yes, nurse! Come on,
we're gonna lie you down

on the couch here, all right?

Just take it easy.

You're gonna be all right.

Put your feet right here.
Let him have the pillow.

Janet, you get the
smelling salts. I'll get the ice.

Fine, Terry, you go and get the
ice while I get the smelling salts.

Get her out of here! Right!

Well, what do you think?

Randy, we haven't much time.

Oh, Jack, you are so impetuous!

Your husband's here!

[shrieks] What?

I gotta get you
out of here fast.

What are you doing with my wife?

Take your hands off me!

Listen, you!

Alan, please, don't interrupt.

I'm auditioning Jack
for a commercial.

He hit me!

Alan, please! I am working!

I'm sorry.

Now, in the next scene you say,

"Since you've been
using Lilac Lotion,

your skin is so
soft and smooth."

Say it.

[falsetto] Since
you've... [clears throat]

Since you've been using...

Lilac Lotion, your skin
is so soft and smooth.

Oh, darling!

I don't believe
this for one minute.

What?

He's not putting enough into it.

He's absolutely right!

Jack, more feeling.

Darling!

[gasps]

Don't interrupt.
They're not finished yet.

[gasps]

Please! How can he perform
with all these interruptions?

All right, now
really give it to her!

I'm sorry, Jack. You just
don't have enough experience.

We're gonna have
to go with the monkey.

Well, what are we waiting for?

Hm?

Darling, I bought
this dress just for you.

Let's go out on the town.

Oh, good.

Oh, Alan.

You know, I missed you so much!

And I missed you as
much as you missed me.

Bye, everyone.

What was that?

That was two people who
truly deserve each other.

So then, Randy just
walks right out of here

with her husband like
nothing ever happened.

Now do you understand?

Yeah, I got it.

You didn't know
that she was married,

Jack didn't know
that she was married,

and she didn't care whether
she was married or not.

[Both] Right.

My kind of woman.

Larry, you are so disgusting!

Don't you have
any principles at all?

[Jack] Terry, hey, hey!

Before you start
putting Larry down,

you should know
that he's the guy

that went to bat for Janet here.

[Terry] What?

Yeah, when I was
stupid enough to think

Janet was messing
around with a married man,

Larry was the guy who
said, "No way, not our Janet.

She would never
do anything like that."

Larry!

Oh. Oh, Larry, I am so sorry.

Too late now.

No, no, wait, Larry!
I didn't mean it!

You have hurt me enough,
and this isn't the first time

you have said
nasty things to me.

Larry, wait!

I will never say anything
nasty to you again.

Promise? Promise.

Okay. Okay.

You want to go to Vegas
with me this weekend?

No!

She did it again! Oh!

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services Burbank, CA

♪♪ [theme music]