Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 6, Episode 1 - Jack Bares All: Part 1 - full transcript
Jack and Janet are preparing a farewell party for Cindy and struggling to find a new roommate.
[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪
[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
Perfect. [mutters]
Um...
Hi, Jack. Can I help?
No, no, Cindy. I'm doing fine.
Besides, this is your
party, remember?
You're afraid I might
mess something up, huh?
No. Why would I think that?
'Cause I broke a
plate this morning.
Two plates, but who's counting?
You don't mind if
I watch? Not at all.
Oh, good. Don't move!
Oh, the cake! I'm sorry, Jack.
That's okay. No damage done.
Hmm. Looks good.
Oh, mother! Oh, the cake!
Oh, Jack, I'm sorry!
I did it again, huh?
Sorry? For what?
Shouldn't take me more than two,
three hours to whip up another one.
I'm sorry, Jack. There,
there. It's all right.
I don't know what to say.
Take your time, it'll come.
[doorbell chimes] I'll get it.
Dead cake.
I'm coming, coming, coming!
What took you so long? I was in
the kitchen. I had my hands full.
Could you help me, please?
Certainly, how silly of me.
Jack! Jack!
Do I have to do everything?
Here, gimme these, Janet.
[groans] What happened here?
Cindy was helping me. Oh.
You shouldn't be going to all this
trouble for me. Why not? We wanted to.
A going-away party's crazy.
UCLA's only ten minutes away.
We know that. We just wanted to
show how much we care for you.
That's so sweet.
Your share of the party
comes to $19.95... Jack!
There's no tax. I
took care of that. Jack!
[cackling]
[cackling stops] Fooled ya!
What's that for? It's a laugh
box, to liven up your party tonight.
You're gonna need all
the laughs you can get.
This little baby is just
the tip of the icebox.
Really. What else do we
have to look forward to?
Oh, you'll see. I'm gonna make
darn sure Cindy gets a great send-off.
Thank you, Mr. Furley.
Did I hear right, you're
gonna be a veterinarian?
I sure am.
I grew up on a farm and
I've always loved animals.
That's kind of a
tough job, isn't it?
For instance, how
are you gonna treat
a giraffe with laryngitis?
Laryngitis?
[Janet laughing]
[Jack] That's so funny.
Or an elephant
with a runny nose?
Yeah. You like those?
Love 'em. Great.
I'll use them at the
party. Oh, great.
Mr. Furley? Excuse me.
We were wondering, um, would you
mind if we were a little late with rent?
Mind?
[cackling]
I guess he would. [Jack] Yeah.
I better get going, too. Wait a
minute. Where are you going?
We cannot pay the rent until
we find another roommate.
I'm gonna have to
leave that up to you.
You'll find someone terrific.
After all, you picked me, didn't you?
Yeah, but I don't want to
make the same mistake twice.
Isn't she cute! She
got ya there, Jack.
Come on. So far you haven't
lifted a finger to help me.
I've been doing all the looking.
I've had a lot of
responsibilities this week.
Oh, yeah, like refereeing that
female mud wrestling contest?
It's a dirty job, but
somebody has to do it.
Jack, come on. This isn't funny.
Somebody's coming over this
morning to look at the apartment,
and I'd appreciate it if
you could meet them.
Okay, I just gotta go see Mr. Angelino
about that new job I start tomorrow.
Jack, come on! He's the boss. If
he wants to talk to me, I gotta go.
But don't worry, I'll be
right back. You better be.
Janet, how many times
have I ever let you down?
I'll be back before you
finish counting. Excuse me.
[groans, sighs]
♪♪ [singing softly]
Mr. Angelino? You wanted
to see me? Tripper! Good.
I've got this private
party coming in today,
and I want you to
cook lunch for them.
But I thought you just
wanted to talk to me.
I just did.
No, sir, see, I
promised my... Tripper!
The only reason I'm giving
you a second chance here
is because I have a reputation for being
a very sensitive and forgiving person.
That's why I'm sure you'll
understand my problem.
And I'm sure you'll
understand my problem.
If you don't cook this
lunch, you're fired!
Your problem is my problem.
Atta boy!
This shouldn't
take very long. Oh?
Felipe already has the sauce for
the spaghetti warming up. Felipe?
Yes!
You?
Ah, you remember Tripper
here, huh? Good, good,
because I've decided to
give him another chance.
[Jack chuckles] Him?
Yes. I've hired him
as our new chef.
Oh! What a wonderful choice!
Right. And I want you
to help him with lunch.
Oh, it's going to
be my pleasure!
Go to it, Tripper.
Thank you, sir.
[grunting]
Felipe? Yes!
Good to see you again.
Oh, it's good to... [grunting]
Would you mind making the
vinaigrette salad dressing for me?
Oh, anything you say, Your
Magnificence. That's what I'm here for.
Thank you. That's very nice.
Felipe? [Spanish]
I know you've been
working here for six years,
and you hoped you'd
be a chef by now.
Well, you know what they say.
The longer the wait,
the sweeter the reward.
Well, that's so true,
and I just know we're gonna
work really well together.
Oh, I know we will, too.
Listen, would you care to
taste the vinaigrette dressing?
It would be my pleasure.
It would be my privilege.
[panting]
Oh, is there too
much Tabasco sauce?
You weren't supposed to put
Tabasco sauce in the dressing!
Oh! You see?
That explains why
you are the great chef,
and I am your humble assistant.
I better check on the Bolognese
sauce before we start making the pasta.
Oh, please, let me. It
might be too hot for you.
Why? Did you put
Tabasco sauce in that? No!
Then why would it be too... hot!
[yelling]
Because you didn't
have one of these.
Thank you.
It's my pleasure. Now I'm
going to make the pasta.
Do you mind if I show you
my method of making pasta?
Oh, you would do that
for me, Your Greatness?
You will be the teacher,
and I will be the student.
Thank you.
Now, watch carefully.
You see, Felipe, first of all,
we start by making a
nice round hill of flour.
Nice round. Yes.
Then we hollow out the center.
It's a good hole. Thank you.
Felipe, I want you to begin
adding the eggs slowly.
Yes. Oh, I'm so nervous!
Just right in the center.
You see, by kneading
the eggs in slowly... Slowly.
And carefully brushing the surrounding
mound of flour from the other flour,
I achieve an even mixture which
is not too lumpy and not too moist.
Felipe, uh, take it easy, okay?
He wants eggs,
I'll give him eggs.
Felipe, not so fast. So what?
Fast! Okay!
You got a shell in there.
Would you please...
How's everything going?
Uh... What are you doing?
Making pasta. That's
not how you make pasta.
That's what I've been
trying to tell him. What?
Yes, you see, you make
a nice round hill of flour,
then you make a little
hole in the center... Felipe!
He's right! Listen to
him! But, Mr. Angelino...
I don't know why
you're bothering.
We already have a fresh
supply of pasta on the top shelf.
I thought you'd know your way
around a kitchen better than this.
Wait, Mr. Angelino... You
better shape up, Tripper!
[laughs]
Is there anything else
I can do to help? Help?
You call what you've done help?
First, you nearly poison me,
and then you made me
burn my hand... twice!
I don't want that.
Then you made
Mr. Angelino furious at me.
I just want you to
do nothing, okay?
You are mad at Felipe.
Felipe!
Would you keep that away... just
keep away from me, would you?
[sighing] I'm gonna cut up
these mushrooms for the salad.
I would be happy
to help. No, I'll do it.
Do you mind? No, no. Please.
Felipe, don't you have something
to do? Yes, of course I have.
Oh... [Spanish]
Boy! Where is Jack?
He promised me he'd be here...
Cindy, what are you doing?
Trying to pack my suitcase.
Oh, well, get up.
Let me help you.
[chuckling] Get up.
Good heavens, did you have all
these clothes when you moved in?
No, but you pick things
up as you go along.
Yeah, like my sweater.
Well, you said I could borrow anything I
needed for my sorority party, remember?
Of course I do. You
look great in my sweater!
Thanks. And in my scarf?
Well, it looks so
good with the sweater.
You don't mind, do you?
No, no. You'll look terrific.
You know, Janet?
You're really special.
Oh, no, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Yes, I am.
[laughing] [knocking]
I'll get the door.
You finish that.
Oh, hi, Lar. Come
on in. Hi, Janet.
Listen, about the party
tonight. Mm-hmm?
Is it okay if I invite this lady
I just met? Larry, come on!
Didn't we agree that this party was
just for our most intimate friends?
With a little luck, she'll
qualify tonight. Larry!
It's all right with me,
Janet. Oh, bless you, Cindy.
By the way, I want you to know
if there is anything you ever
need, you know where to come.
Great! I need a ride to UCLA.
Doesn't waste any
time, does she?
If you see Jack, tell him I'm
bringing some records tonight.
Sure, if he ever
bothers to show up.
So, you're studying
to be a vet, huh?
Yep.
Bringing your own cow?
See you in a little bit.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Hi, Mr. Angelino. Say,
is Jack still down there?
What?
Jack's had an accident?
Where?
Uh, what hospital?
Thank you, Mr. Angelino.
I'm on my way. Yeah, bye.
[Felipe, Jack muttering]
I don't know how I
can ever forgive myself.
I mean, what if you
can't cook no more?
Felipe. Felipe, it's only a cut.
If a chef can't handle a
cut, he can't cut it as a chef.
How are we doing?
Oh, the pain!
I cut my finger!
We'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
Thank you, my
lovely angel of mercy.
[Jack] Mercy!
[whistles] You said it.
Who's next? Mr. Bradley.
That's me. Would
you follow me, please?
Nurse, my shoulder is killing
me. We'll take care of that.
Listen. [Spanish]
I don't want you to
worry... Thank you.
Because what happened to my
cousin is not going to happen to you.
Of course not.
What happened to your cousin?
Well, nothing, really. He was
working in a kitchen, like you,
and he cut his hand.
In the same place?
No, in Tijuana.
Felipe, what happened to him?
Nothing, nothing.
The finger got a little bit
infected, and then they...
It's a long story. You
don't want to know.
Yes, I do. No, you don't.
How did it turn out?
Oh, fine in the end. Good.
The whole town turned
out for the funeral.
Wha... Oh, my God!
Wait, you can't go in there!
Nurse! What are
you doing in here?
I can't wait. This
is an emergency.
All our cases are emergencies.
Would you please go
outside and wait your turn?
No. What?
You don't mind if I go ahead
of you, do you? [groans]
Oh, I'm sorry. Oooh!
Nurse, what is going on in here?
It's this patient, Doctor.
He just barged in.
I'm in bad shape,
Doc. He cut his finger.
And this patient? A possible
separation of the glenohumeral fossa.
Well, you better
get him up to X-ray,
and I'll take care
of mister... Tripper.
Yes, Doctor. Thank you.
Have a seat here,
Mr. Tripper. Thank you.
Let's have a look at this
finger. It's not too pretty, Doc.
Mm-hmm. How bad is it?
You've got a laceration
of the middle phalanx.
Oh, my God!
No medical terms. Give it
to me straight. I can take it.
Okay. You've got
a little boo-boo. I...
It don't look that bad at all.
I knew it was just a small cut.
I just didn't want to take
any chances with infection.
I just wanted that nurse to look at
it, and she jumped down my throat.
Talk about your cold fish.
I've seen bigger hearts
in artichokes. [chuckling]
She's got all the personality
of a... Wet sponge?
No, that's giving her
too much credit... Hi.
Nurse, you can
take it from here.
250 units of tetanus
in hemoglobin.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
What are you doing? I'm
going to give you a tetanus shot.
What about the doctor?
He's already had his.
I'm ready. Uh, can we talk
about this for just a second?
You aren't scared of
a little shot, are you?
Scared? Me? No.
It's just that, see,
I have this, uh,
big game this
weekend on the beach,
and I don't want anything to
interfere with that old Tripper swing.
Oh, is that all? Then there's
nothing to worry about,
because that's not where I
give the shot. Oh, good... What?
Just make sure you don't
wind up sitting on the bench.
Would you drop
your pants, please?
Drop my pants?
I bet you say that
to all the guys.
Drop 'em!
No way! Why not?
Because... B-Because...
I'm a woman. No, I
wasn't gonna say that.
And the idea of a woman seeing you
without your clothes on embarrasses you.
Absolutely not. Look, I
know you're a professional,
and you've done this a hundred
times and you know what you're doing...
Why can't he give the shot?
Because it's not his job. It's mine.
Excuse me. Sir, may I speak
to you for a second? Of course.
Thank you. I know somebody in your position
usually doesn't bother giving shots.
But in this one case, could you
make an exception? Certainly.
Thank you very much! Excuse me.
You don't know how
much this means to me.
You see, Nurse, this
may not be his job,
but some people are
not hung up on titles.
He doesn't mind stooping
to give a mere patient a shot.
Why should he? He
stoops all the time. Huh?
He's the janitor. The janitor!
I'll take over now. Oh, come
on. I've always wanted to do this!
The needle.
Okay.
I can't believe this! You were
gonna let a janitor give me a shot?
No, you were. Then
what were you doing?
Watching you make a horse's...
Which reminds me, can we get
on with this, please? Absolutely not.
There, you see. You just can't handle
the fact I'm a woman. That's not true.
Yes, it is. No, it's not.
Then I guess it doesn't embarrass
you arguing with your pants down.
I don't have my...
Thank you. [screaming] Mommy!
Oh! Oh! Please,
please, please, please.
Excuse me. I'm
looking for Jack Tripper.
Why don't you have a seat.
He's in the examining room.
How is he? Very annoying.
It's people like you who give
nurses a bad name! Jack?
What are you doing here?
Mr. Angelino called me. Are you okay?
I was up till a
minute ago. What?
I cut my finger,
but it's all right now.
Uh... Mr. Angelino
really had me worried.
I gotta get down to the restaurant,
Janet. What do you mean?
We have to find a new roommate. If
I don't get back to work, I'll get fired.
Look, Janet. I'm sure
whoever you pick will be fine.
I gotta go. Come
on, Felipe. Jack!
Hey, that looks just like my cousin's
bandage. Would you come on!
Felipe. I'll see you at home.
Jack... [groans]
Excuse me. Could
you tell me where the
nearest pay phone is?
Right around the corner.
Thanks. Was that your husband?
My husband? No.
That's a good thing.
'Cause if he were, you'd
never get him out of his clothes.
You don't know Jack.
Have you got the wrong guy.
Jack's the kind of
guy... [doorbell chimes]
No, no, no. Just sit there and
finish your tea. I'll be right back.
Hi, Janet. Hi, Larry.
What's doin'? Well...
I know. This new roommate
business has been driving you crazy.
Larry... Finding just the
right person is a tough job.
She's gotta be serious,
intelligent, dependable.
What are you getting at, Larry?
Hi! Are you my new roommate?
Uh, Didi, I thought I
told you to wait outside.
Larry promised me a
room with an ocean view.
Oh, he did, did
he? [Larry chuckles]
Said the sea air would
be... good for my lungs.
Gee, this is really swell.
It's really gonna help
my singing career
having a professional
voice coach so nearby.
You mean Larry? [Didi] Mm-hmm.
I like to help deserving
talent whenever I can. Right.
Larry... Shh.
Time to go up to my
place and rest your voices.
Hurt me. Hey, Larry.
Later, buddy. Bye.
Bye! Where's Larry
going in such a hurry?
Never mind. Excuse me. Never
mind about Larry. I've got great news.
I need some great news. What a
day. I nearly lose my finger and my job.
I know, sweetheart, but listen.
We have a new roommate.
We do? That's great!
What's she like?
Oh, Jack, she's really
sweet. She's nice.
She's the kind of girl
you'd like to live with.
I'm telling you, we really
hit it off. That's fantastic.
I can't wait to meet her.
Jack, you already have.
What? Hi, Jack.
Hi... Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
No! No! No. No.
No, no, no, no. Uh-huh.
No. No. Never. No way.
Not a chance. Never.
Uh-huh. Jack? Jack?
Talking to me? No!
I told you he was
gonna be surprised.
She's our new roommate?
Small world, huh?
Not small enough.
Jack, would you do me a favor and go in
the kitchen and get Terri some more tea?
What? [screams]
Terri, I can handle
this. It'll just be a second.
What is wrong with you? Janet,
I cannot live with that person.
Why not? Because...
Because I don't like her.
Why not? Because...
Because she's bossy and arrogant.
She's not at all like you, Janet.
You mean you can't
push her around? Exactly.
I mean, she doesn't have
your sweet disposition.
That's better,
buster. Like that.
Listen. You left this business of
picking a new roommate entirely up to me.
You wouldn't even
lift a finger to help me.
Terri is the very nicest
person I have met.
So I don't wanna hear
another word out of you. Janet...
Not another word!
All right, all right!
Just because I have to live with
her doesn't mean I have to like her.
No, Jack, but there is one
thing you do have to do.
What's that? Grow up.
[mocking] "Grow up."
Hi. [chuckles]
Well, I guess I haven't gotten off
to the greatest start with Jack, huh?
Come on. Don't worry about
Jack. He's just had a really bad day.
Five minutes from now, we're
all gonna be laughing about this.
I really hope so because
I really want to live here.
I mean, it would be
so exciting. Exciting?
You don't know
the half of it. [gulps]
Let's see.
There's a shuffleboard
contest every single evening.
And then we have
canasta on Wednesdays.
The bingo tournament is on
Monday and Saturday mornings.
What? Didn't Janet tell you?
All the tenants here
are old, retired people.
♪♪ [Larry singing
loudly] [knocking]
♪♪ [scatting] Ow!
Here you go, Jacko. Got all
the latest new wave groups.
Sour Milk, Worm
Rot, Spoiled Meat.
Boy, are we gonna
have fun tonight.
If we don't get food poisoning.
W-W-Well.
Hello there. And
who is this blossom
from love's... bouquet?
This is Terri. She's
our new roommate.
Really?
Hi. [softly] Hi.
Larry! Hmm?
Sorry. Terri, Larry
lives upstairs.
But please don't let that
stop you from moving in.
[mock chuckle]
Seriously, if there is
anything you need, just yell.
I'll be at your service
24 hours a day.
[Woman] Larry, where are you?
Starting tomorrow.
Ooo-whoo! [high-pitched gasp]
Yes!
Daylight come and
he gotta go home.
If you'll excuse me, there's
some things I have to do
in preparation for
the party tonight.
Jack!
What time is it, Janet?
Uh, it's 5:20. Why?
Wasn't this about the time that
Jack and I are supposed to be...
[giggles] laughing it up by now?
How much longer is he gonna
hold a grudge? Terri, come on.
Stop worrying about
Jack. I can't help it.
Look, all that happened
is that you just...
You know, you hurt Jack's
pride this afternoon, that's it.
Yeah. I guess I've just gotta find
a way to mend his bruised ego.
What are you gonna do?
Whatever it takes to make Jack
feel like a man again. Okay. What?
Jack. [gasps]
What are you doing?
I was separating an egg.
You shouldn't be
doing that. Huh?
Cooking is woman's
work. [shouting] It's what?
Everybody knows that.
At least everybody who
still knows what makes a man
a man.
Unless the man
happens to like cooking.
[laughing]
Oh, Jackie-poo, I just love the
way you make the silliest things
sound like they make sense.
Now let me take off that apron.
Wait, wait, wait!
There. You see? You
men, you're just all thumbs.
[growling] But...
Don't you worry. I will have that
cleaned up for you in a little bit.
[loud growling]
How did it go?
[shouting] And stay out
That well. You know, Janet,
the way things are going,
I think I should just get my purse, walk
out of here and pretend like we never met.
But I'm not going to. And
do you wanna know why?
Because you're not a quitter? Because
I already gave up my old apartment.
[knocking]
Open up. It's R.F. Who's that?
R.F... Ralph Furley.
Mr. Furley. He's our landlord.
He may have his little
quirks, but basically,
he's your average,
run-of-the-mill, nice landlord.
A little act I worked up
to save your party tonight.
Ah, Furley the
Magnificent senses
that you have a beautiful friend
visiting you. Hey, that's pretty good.
It's this trick blindfold. I
can see right through it.
Come here, Mr. Furley.
Watch your step there.
I would like for you to meet...
Don't tell me. Don't tell me.
I am now going to
amaze and delight you
by guessing the
name of your friend
without the help of any clues.
Uh, all I need is some impersonal
object you might have on your person,
like a hankie, or a compact,
or a... wallet.
Driver's license.
Okay.
What's this? My compact.
Give me the wallet.
Ah! Ah, now the name.
I'm getting the name.
The name is coming to me.
The name is Terri "Aldenrn."
Is the great Magnificent
Furley right or is he wrong?
He's wrong! He's
wrong! He... What?
Oh. Terri Alden, R.N.
Darn. I didn't see
those little dots there.
Mr. Furley, the R.N. stands...
Don't tell me. I
can guess that too.
R.N. R.N.
Registered nurse.
No, that's not it.
Yes, Mr. Furley,
that's it. Terri's a nurse.
She works down at Wilshire Memorial
Hospital. She's gonna be our new roommate.
Oh, well, I knew that.
And I was just gonna say it if you
give me the chance. Excuse me.
It was nice to meet you and welcome
to our building. Thank you so much.
I know you're gonna get along
just fine with the girls. The girls?
Yeah, Janet and Jack... woman.
Or didn't Jack tell
you that he's gay?
No, but I think I just
figured out what I did wrong.
Thank you, Mr. Furley.
Don't mention it.
I'm gonna get
ready for the party.
Hang on a second,
Terri. Mr. Furley, wait.
You shouldn't go out
with your blindfold on.
Why not? I told you I can
see right through it. Right.
[screaming] [crashing]
Mr. Fur... Terri, wait a minute!
[Janet] Mr. Furley!
[Furley] Janet!
[Janet] Are you all right?
Jack. Now what?
I owe you an apology. Oh?
You know what I said before, that a
real man wouldn't set foot in the kitchen?
Yeah. Well, I never
should have said that.
If you're happy with the
way you are, then so am I.
The way I am?
Sure. Cooking doesn't
make you any less of a man
than if you played
baseball or you boxed...
It just so happens that
I do box. You, you box?
Yes, and I'm darn good.
Back in the navy, I was
in two, three fights a week.
Oh, I can imagine. The other sailors
must have teased you something awful.
What? Oh, Jack, I'm
just trying to tell you
that I understand.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How did you ever get into the
navy anyway? [door bangs loudly]
What kind of a
question is that? Jack, I...
I'll tell you something... the
navy was darn glad to get me!
I could have been
middleweight champion of my
base. I had a left that
could knock you out.
Come on. Get him. Jack?
[grunts] [screams]
What are you doing? I'm just
warming up for my next fight.
Jack? [gasps] My elbow.
[doorbell chimes] I hear bells.
Uh-huh. Why don't you
answer the bell, champ?
[groaning]
Oh, elbow pain.
Jack. Jack, I just spent the last five
minutes giving Didi her voice lessons.
So what? So what?
We didn't even get past
the breathing exercises...
Jack, you gotta find some way of
getting Terri out of here and Didi in.
I got problems of my own.
If I have to live with that Terri
another minute, I'm gonna go crazy.
If Didi finds out she can't
have this apartment, she'll...
What did you just say? She's been
putting me down ever since she met me.
I can't live with a person
like that. Just get rid of her.
I wish I could, but
I promised Janet.
I didn't.
What? If I get rid
of Terri for you,
would you consider taking
Didi in? You got it, pal.
Good. Let's go shopping. Right,
shopping. Shopping for what?
I'll explain it to you on the way.
But I guarantee you one thing, buddy.
After tonight, she'll be
begging to get out of here.
You mean... Jack isn't gay?
No. Mr. Furley just
has to think that.
Otherwise, he would never
let Jack live here with two girls.
Oh, no. He must think I am
the worst person in the world.
Why? Just because of a
little misunderstanding?
Oh, Terri. Come on.
Let's just go in here and straighten
out this mess right now. Come on.
Jack? Jack!
Oh, he must have gone out.
I'm sure he'll be back real quick.
But I can't wait 'cause I have to
go home and change for the party.
Oh, Terri, that's even better. You
could talk to him at the party tonight.
I know he'll be in a better
mood by then. Do you think so?
Listen. Let me tell you something about
Jack Tripper. He doesn't hold grudges.
He may be unreasonable and cranky
and an all-around pain in the... you know.
Yeah, I know. Right.
But basically, once you have
Jack Tripper as your friend,
you have somebody that you can
depend on for the rest of your life.
That is good enough for
me. I will see him at the party,
and I'll show him the kind
of person that I really am.
That a girl. You do
that, and I promise you,
by the end of tonight,
he'll be begging you to stay.
Okay, I'll see you
tonight. All righty.
♪♪ [dance rock]
[people chattering]
A giraffe with
laryngitis. [laughing]
And here's another one. What did
the mayonnaise say to the lettuce?
What? Turn around.
Can't you see I'm dressing?
Do you get it?
Mayonnaise, dressing.
Oh, of course! I
get it, Mr. Furley.
That's a good one.
You got any more? Yeah, but I don't
think I'm strong enough to tell 'em.
Hors d'oeuvre? No, thanks.
What is it? It's rumaki.
Liver and water chestnut
wrapped in bacon.
Mistake, Jack. Mistake. Nothing
kills a party faster than a piece of liver.
Larry, I just love
this apartment.
Living here is gonna be
like a dream come true.
You've been having
that dream too, huh?
When do I get to move
in? Soon, baby, soon.
We just have to work
out a few of the details.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Did you bring everything? Jack,
will you relax. This plan is foolproof.
Just remember, when Terri shows up, treat
her like she's the most important person.
Why? Because that way
you catch her off-guard.
Right, right, right. Huh?
Jack? Jack, come here. Sure.
Listen, Jack. [doorbell chimes]
I'll get it! Thanks, Mr. Furley.
I know that you and Terri
haven't exactly hit it off,
but when she gets here, it'd be
nice if you didn't totally ignore her.
Hold that thought, Janet. Terri!
How nice to see you. We thought
you'd never get here. I love the dress.
Why, thank you. Jack, can I
see you alone for a second?
Alone? This is supposed to be a
party. Whatever it is, it can wait.
It's about this afternoon.
No, no, no, that's forgotten.
It is? Completely. Janet?
Huh? Would you get our
Terri a little glass of punch?
Sure, Jack, sure. Terri,
you look great. Thanks.
Okay, how'd it go? Wonderful.
Really? What'd you
say to him? Nothing.
Nothing? He didn't give me a
chance to. He just said forget it.
Oh. Well, I told you Jack
was really a terrific guy.
He sure is. I wonder
what he's up to.
What? Uh, nothing,
Terri. Nothing.
You take this and go meet some of
our friends. I'll see you in a minute.
Okay. Terri, have you met
our very own Mr. Furley?
Oh, yes, he took
my wallet. Mr. Furley!
No, you... No, you don't
understand. It was a trick.
See, first she wanted to give me her
compact... Why, was your makeup smudged?
You wanna hear about
the trick or not? I'm sorry.
And there's so many cute
professors at the college, Janet.
You should see
them. I will! I will!
Janet, did you ever go to college?
Uh-huh, but just for one year.
I had to drop out. Why?
I got this boy in
trouble. [shouts] What?
Come on. I'm kidding.
Oh. Oh, Cindy.
Gosh, Janet, I'm really gonna miss
you. Well, I'm gonna miss you too.
No, you won't, 'cause I'll be
coming around all the time.
Well, then I'll just have to
miss you in-between visits.
Come on, you two. Let's
get out here. Okay, okay.
The Furley Fun
Festival is about to begin.
The what? The
Furley Fun Festival.
All right, you folks, enough
dancing. Now turn off the music.
What do you mean? Come on now.
Listen, it's entertainment
time, and here's... Ralphie.
Mr. Furley... Okay,
sit down, everybody.
Sit down, Janet. Come
on. It's game time.
Game time. We're
gonna play games.
Okay. All right, now
here's the first game.
It's really very simple.
I say a word, then each
of you adds another word
till we end up with a question.
Then we all try and come
up with a funny answer.
[all moan]
I knew you'd like it.
Now, I'll say the first word.
Uh, does... anyone... want...
to... play... this... game?
[all] No!
Now cut that out!
I promised you we
were gonna have fun.
You're gonna have fun
whether you like it or not.
Okay, Mr. Furley, what do
you want us to do? That's better.
It's his building. Mmm.
Here's the next game.
Now, I have all your
names in this bag here.
You reach in, you pick a name,
but don't tell the name you picked.
You just pretend
you're that person.
And then the rest of us
have to guess who you are.
Okay, Janet, you go first.
All right, Mr. Furley. This
doesn't sound so bad.
There you go. Okay, okay.
She's gonna go outside, then she's gonna
come back in and we guess who she is.
When, Larry?
Patience, Jack. Patience.
[deep voice] ♪ Come,
Mr. Tally man Tally me banana ♪
Hey, Jacko! I managed to get
us a date with the Romando twins.
Jack, Jack, Jack.
How often do you get a chance
to go out with twin contortionists?
[gasps] The
possibilities are endless.
[all laughing]
Larry, who's the idiot
she's supposed to be?
No one you'd know.
It's your turn,
Jack. I don't know...
Pick! Picking immediately, yes.
Hmm. I can do this. Okay.
He's gonna go out, and
then he's gonna come back in.
Hi, kids. [sniffs, moans]
I suppose you're wondering
why I'm all spiffed up.
I'm going down to the Beagle
to meet this real great chick.
She's crazy about me, but
then who isn't? [laughing]
Listen, kids. If you're worried
about paying the rent this month,
[sniffs] don't give
it a second thought.
Just pack your bags and get out!
I know who that is.
It was... It was not!
Oh, come on. Mr. Furley,
it's all in good fun.
I mean, if you can't laugh
at yourself, right, Terri?
Oh, right. I thought
you were wonderful!
Oh, you did? Then you're next.
Oh. Okay.
Oh, no. What's wrong?
I picked Jack. I don't think
I ought to make fun of him.
Oh, don't be silly. I kid
him all the time. He loves it.
Well, if you say so.
Yeah, go on, go on.
She's gonna go outside... [all]
Then she's gonna come back in.
Doctor! Doctor! [gasps]
I cut my finger.
What do you mean I
have to wait my turn?
He only has a fractured skull.
I have a scratch on my finger.
Nurse. [panting]
Mercy!
What are you doing with that
needle? A shot? Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, hey, hey, hey. No, my...
Oh, it's so drafty in here.
Aah! Mommy.
Hey, she's got you
down to a tee, Jack.
What's the matter, did
she hurt your itty-bitty butty?
[all laughing]
Now, Larry, now. Right.
Okay, everybody, let me
have your attention, please.
I'll take over now,
Mr. Furley. Nice try.
Everybody, the moment you've
finally been waiting for is here!
We're about to play Jack's famous
party game. What famous party game?
And it's called...
A million laughs!
A million laughs? And everything
we need is right here in this little bag.
Right, Jack? Right, Larry.
And now I'm going
to need a volunteer
from the studio audience
here at home. I'll volunteer!
I'm sorry, Cindy, but this
lovely young lady beat you to it.
Oh. Ta-da!
Thank you for being
such a good sport.
[hand device buzzes] Oh!
Ooh. Say hello to
Mr. Hand Buzzer.
Hey!
What was your
name again? Uh, Terri.
Okay, my assistant, Terri, here
needs to see clearly,
so she has to wear...
Ta-da! these. [mock chuckle]
There you are. Put those
on. Okay, here we go.
There. [laughs]
Wait a second, Tammi. Let me see.
Have you been getting enough sleep?
Yeah. Why? Why? Honk.
You've got circles under
your eyes! [Larry laughing]
Talk to me, Laurence. Hello!
Hold it. Why, what do you
want me to do with this?
Well, Jackie, we want to capture
this moment for posterity, don't we?
Absolutely right.
Terri, would you please
smile pretty for the camera?
That's it. [gasps]
Larry! Well, that's the last
time I buy this cheap film.
The color runs.
Larry, you said you were
gonna use plain water.
Jack, that isn't funny. Look
what you did to her dress.
Yeah, you ruined it.
That was mean, Jack.
Don't worry about it, Terri. I'm
sure Jack will have it cleaned for you.
That's okay. He doesn't
have to. [Larry] That's right.
It's a wash and
wear dress. Larry...
And we have a special
solution that will allow
her to wash it and
wear it at the same time.
Maybe we... If you want the
magic solution to clean the dress...
And this is the funniest part of
the game... just say "give it to me."
Terri, you don't
have to do this.
Give it to me.
Terri...
Go ahead. You can't stop now.
You're right.
Jack, that's not what I
told you to do. I know.
I don't suppose it would
do any good to apologize.
Try me.
I'm really sorry. I don't
know why I did this.
I do. I've given you lots
of reasons not to like me.
But that's no excuse
to do what I did.
You're right.
And if you ever do that again,
I'm going to give you
another tetanus shot.
No, Mommy! Oh, kidding.
You are really
something, you know that?
And if you still
wanna live here,
I'd be happy to have
you as a roommate.
The way I look, nobody
else would take me.
I'll take you.
[no audible dialogue]
It was really nice seeing
you. You guys take care.
Good night. I'll call you.
Thanks. Bye. You devil!
[chuckling]
I wanna thank you
for a beautiful party.
Oh, you're welcome.
Jack and Janet helped a lot too.
Well, good night. [both]
Good night, Mr. Furley.
Thanks for the party. [laughs]
I feel terrible.
Larry, come on. Snap out of it.
Terri's not even mad at
you anymore. That's right.
What's done is done. What
do you say we start fresh?
You really mean that? Yeah.
Great. What do you say we
come up to my place for a nightcap?
Good idea! I'll
bring the seltzer.
Maybe some other time.
Come on, Cindy. I'll
give you a ride to UCLA.
Good night, Larry. Bye, Larry.
Well, I guess I better be goin'.
Just think. My first
night in the dormitory.
Ah, Cindy.
You call if you need
anything, all right? I will.
Hey, we'll miss you. Now listen.
You watch out for those
fraternity boys. Okay.
Bye. Bye.
Call me tomorrow. Bye.
Okay, all right.
[sighs] Well... Well...
Welly, welly, well.
Well, now that we're alone, why
don't we get to know each other better.
That's a great idea, Janet! I already know
you, so I'll just concentrate on Terri.
But don't worry. I'll be back.
I need a nurse! Nurse!
[no audible dialogue]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA.
Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.
knock on our door ♪
[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
Perfect. [mutters]
Um...
Hi, Jack. Can I help?
No, no, Cindy. I'm doing fine.
Besides, this is your
party, remember?
You're afraid I might
mess something up, huh?
No. Why would I think that?
'Cause I broke a
plate this morning.
Two plates, but who's counting?
You don't mind if
I watch? Not at all.
Oh, good. Don't move!
Oh, the cake! I'm sorry, Jack.
That's okay. No damage done.
Hmm. Looks good.
Oh, mother! Oh, the cake!
Oh, Jack, I'm sorry!
I did it again, huh?
Sorry? For what?
Shouldn't take me more than two,
three hours to whip up another one.
I'm sorry, Jack. There,
there. It's all right.
I don't know what to say.
Take your time, it'll come.
[doorbell chimes] I'll get it.
Dead cake.
I'm coming, coming, coming!
What took you so long? I was in
the kitchen. I had my hands full.
Could you help me, please?
Certainly, how silly of me.
Jack! Jack!
Do I have to do everything?
Here, gimme these, Janet.
[groans] What happened here?
Cindy was helping me. Oh.
You shouldn't be going to all this
trouble for me. Why not? We wanted to.
A going-away party's crazy.
UCLA's only ten minutes away.
We know that. We just wanted to
show how much we care for you.
That's so sweet.
Your share of the party
comes to $19.95... Jack!
There's no tax. I
took care of that. Jack!
[cackling]
[cackling stops] Fooled ya!
What's that for? It's a laugh
box, to liven up your party tonight.
You're gonna need all
the laughs you can get.
This little baby is just
the tip of the icebox.
Really. What else do we
have to look forward to?
Oh, you'll see. I'm gonna make
darn sure Cindy gets a great send-off.
Thank you, Mr. Furley.
Did I hear right, you're
gonna be a veterinarian?
I sure am.
I grew up on a farm and
I've always loved animals.
That's kind of a
tough job, isn't it?
For instance, how
are you gonna treat
a giraffe with laryngitis?
Laryngitis?
[Janet laughing]
[Jack] That's so funny.
Or an elephant
with a runny nose?
Yeah. You like those?
Love 'em. Great.
I'll use them at the
party. Oh, great.
Mr. Furley? Excuse me.
We were wondering, um, would you
mind if we were a little late with rent?
Mind?
[cackling]
I guess he would. [Jack] Yeah.
I better get going, too. Wait a
minute. Where are you going?
We cannot pay the rent until
we find another roommate.
I'm gonna have to
leave that up to you.
You'll find someone terrific.
After all, you picked me, didn't you?
Yeah, but I don't want to
make the same mistake twice.
Isn't she cute! She
got ya there, Jack.
Come on. So far you haven't
lifted a finger to help me.
I've been doing all the looking.
I've had a lot of
responsibilities this week.
Oh, yeah, like refereeing that
female mud wrestling contest?
It's a dirty job, but
somebody has to do it.
Jack, come on. This isn't funny.
Somebody's coming over this
morning to look at the apartment,
and I'd appreciate it if
you could meet them.
Okay, I just gotta go see Mr. Angelino
about that new job I start tomorrow.
Jack, come on! He's the boss. If
he wants to talk to me, I gotta go.
But don't worry, I'll be
right back. You better be.
Janet, how many times
have I ever let you down?
I'll be back before you
finish counting. Excuse me.
[groans, sighs]
♪♪ [singing softly]
Mr. Angelino? You wanted
to see me? Tripper! Good.
I've got this private
party coming in today,
and I want you to
cook lunch for them.
But I thought you just
wanted to talk to me.
I just did.
No, sir, see, I
promised my... Tripper!
The only reason I'm giving
you a second chance here
is because I have a reputation for being
a very sensitive and forgiving person.
That's why I'm sure you'll
understand my problem.
And I'm sure you'll
understand my problem.
If you don't cook this
lunch, you're fired!
Your problem is my problem.
Atta boy!
This shouldn't
take very long. Oh?
Felipe already has the sauce for
the spaghetti warming up. Felipe?
Yes!
You?
Ah, you remember Tripper
here, huh? Good, good,
because I've decided to
give him another chance.
[Jack chuckles] Him?
Yes. I've hired him
as our new chef.
Oh! What a wonderful choice!
Right. And I want you
to help him with lunch.
Oh, it's going to
be my pleasure!
Go to it, Tripper.
Thank you, sir.
[grunting]
Felipe? Yes!
Good to see you again.
Oh, it's good to... [grunting]
Would you mind making the
vinaigrette salad dressing for me?
Oh, anything you say, Your
Magnificence. That's what I'm here for.
Thank you. That's very nice.
Felipe? [Spanish]
I know you've been
working here for six years,
and you hoped you'd
be a chef by now.
Well, you know what they say.
The longer the wait,
the sweeter the reward.
Well, that's so true,
and I just know we're gonna
work really well together.
Oh, I know we will, too.
Listen, would you care to
taste the vinaigrette dressing?
It would be my pleasure.
It would be my privilege.
[panting]
Oh, is there too
much Tabasco sauce?
You weren't supposed to put
Tabasco sauce in the dressing!
Oh! You see?
That explains why
you are the great chef,
and I am your humble assistant.
I better check on the Bolognese
sauce before we start making the pasta.
Oh, please, let me. It
might be too hot for you.
Why? Did you put
Tabasco sauce in that? No!
Then why would it be too... hot!
[yelling]
Because you didn't
have one of these.
Thank you.
It's my pleasure. Now I'm
going to make the pasta.
Do you mind if I show you
my method of making pasta?
Oh, you would do that
for me, Your Greatness?
You will be the teacher,
and I will be the student.
Thank you.
Now, watch carefully.
You see, Felipe, first of all,
we start by making a
nice round hill of flour.
Nice round. Yes.
Then we hollow out the center.
It's a good hole. Thank you.
Felipe, I want you to begin
adding the eggs slowly.
Yes. Oh, I'm so nervous!
Just right in the center.
You see, by kneading
the eggs in slowly... Slowly.
And carefully brushing the surrounding
mound of flour from the other flour,
I achieve an even mixture which
is not too lumpy and not too moist.
Felipe, uh, take it easy, okay?
He wants eggs,
I'll give him eggs.
Felipe, not so fast. So what?
Fast! Okay!
You got a shell in there.
Would you please...
How's everything going?
Uh... What are you doing?
Making pasta. That's
not how you make pasta.
That's what I've been
trying to tell him. What?
Yes, you see, you make
a nice round hill of flour,
then you make a little
hole in the center... Felipe!
He's right! Listen to
him! But, Mr. Angelino...
I don't know why
you're bothering.
We already have a fresh
supply of pasta on the top shelf.
I thought you'd know your way
around a kitchen better than this.
Wait, Mr. Angelino... You
better shape up, Tripper!
[laughs]
Is there anything else
I can do to help? Help?
You call what you've done help?
First, you nearly poison me,
and then you made me
burn my hand... twice!
I don't want that.
Then you made
Mr. Angelino furious at me.
I just want you to
do nothing, okay?
You are mad at Felipe.
Felipe!
Would you keep that away... just
keep away from me, would you?
[sighing] I'm gonna cut up
these mushrooms for the salad.
I would be happy
to help. No, I'll do it.
Do you mind? No, no. Please.
Felipe, don't you have something
to do? Yes, of course I have.
Oh... [Spanish]
Boy! Where is Jack?
He promised me he'd be here...
Cindy, what are you doing?
Trying to pack my suitcase.
Oh, well, get up.
Let me help you.
[chuckling] Get up.
Good heavens, did you have all
these clothes when you moved in?
No, but you pick things
up as you go along.
Yeah, like my sweater.
Well, you said I could borrow anything I
needed for my sorority party, remember?
Of course I do. You
look great in my sweater!
Thanks. And in my scarf?
Well, it looks so
good with the sweater.
You don't mind, do you?
No, no. You'll look terrific.
You know, Janet?
You're really special.
Oh, no, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Yes, I am.
[laughing] [knocking]
I'll get the door.
You finish that.
Oh, hi, Lar. Come
on in. Hi, Janet.
Listen, about the party
tonight. Mm-hmm?
Is it okay if I invite this lady
I just met? Larry, come on!
Didn't we agree that this party was
just for our most intimate friends?
With a little luck, she'll
qualify tonight. Larry!
It's all right with me,
Janet. Oh, bless you, Cindy.
By the way, I want you to know
if there is anything you ever
need, you know where to come.
Great! I need a ride to UCLA.
Doesn't waste any
time, does she?
If you see Jack, tell him I'm
bringing some records tonight.
Sure, if he ever
bothers to show up.
So, you're studying
to be a vet, huh?
Yep.
Bringing your own cow?
See you in a little bit.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Hi, Mr. Angelino. Say,
is Jack still down there?
What?
Jack's had an accident?
Where?
Uh, what hospital?
Thank you, Mr. Angelino.
I'm on my way. Yeah, bye.
[Felipe, Jack muttering]
I don't know how I
can ever forgive myself.
I mean, what if you
can't cook no more?
Felipe. Felipe, it's only a cut.
If a chef can't handle a
cut, he can't cut it as a chef.
How are we doing?
Oh, the pain!
I cut my finger!
We'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
Thank you, my
lovely angel of mercy.
[Jack] Mercy!
[whistles] You said it.
Who's next? Mr. Bradley.
That's me. Would
you follow me, please?
Nurse, my shoulder is killing
me. We'll take care of that.
Listen. [Spanish]
I don't want you to
worry... Thank you.
Because what happened to my
cousin is not going to happen to you.
Of course not.
What happened to your cousin?
Well, nothing, really. He was
working in a kitchen, like you,
and he cut his hand.
In the same place?
No, in Tijuana.
Felipe, what happened to him?
Nothing, nothing.
The finger got a little bit
infected, and then they...
It's a long story. You
don't want to know.
Yes, I do. No, you don't.
How did it turn out?
Oh, fine in the end. Good.
The whole town turned
out for the funeral.
Wha... Oh, my God!
Wait, you can't go in there!
Nurse! What are
you doing in here?
I can't wait. This
is an emergency.
All our cases are emergencies.
Would you please go
outside and wait your turn?
No. What?
You don't mind if I go ahead
of you, do you? [groans]
Oh, I'm sorry. Oooh!
Nurse, what is going on in here?
It's this patient, Doctor.
He just barged in.
I'm in bad shape,
Doc. He cut his finger.
And this patient? A possible
separation of the glenohumeral fossa.
Well, you better
get him up to X-ray,
and I'll take care
of mister... Tripper.
Yes, Doctor. Thank you.
Have a seat here,
Mr. Tripper. Thank you.
Let's have a look at this
finger. It's not too pretty, Doc.
Mm-hmm. How bad is it?
You've got a laceration
of the middle phalanx.
Oh, my God!
No medical terms. Give it
to me straight. I can take it.
Okay. You've got
a little boo-boo. I...
It don't look that bad at all.
I knew it was just a small cut.
I just didn't want to take
any chances with infection.
I just wanted that nurse to look at
it, and she jumped down my throat.
Talk about your cold fish.
I've seen bigger hearts
in artichokes. [chuckling]
She's got all the personality
of a... Wet sponge?
No, that's giving her
too much credit... Hi.
Nurse, you can
take it from here.
250 units of tetanus
in hemoglobin.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
What are you doing? I'm
going to give you a tetanus shot.
What about the doctor?
He's already had his.
I'm ready. Uh, can we talk
about this for just a second?
You aren't scared of
a little shot, are you?
Scared? Me? No.
It's just that, see,
I have this, uh,
big game this
weekend on the beach,
and I don't want anything to
interfere with that old Tripper swing.
Oh, is that all? Then there's
nothing to worry about,
because that's not where I
give the shot. Oh, good... What?
Just make sure you don't
wind up sitting on the bench.
Would you drop
your pants, please?
Drop my pants?
I bet you say that
to all the guys.
Drop 'em!
No way! Why not?
Because... B-Because...
I'm a woman. No, I
wasn't gonna say that.
And the idea of a woman seeing you
without your clothes on embarrasses you.
Absolutely not. Look, I
know you're a professional,
and you've done this a hundred
times and you know what you're doing...
Why can't he give the shot?
Because it's not his job. It's mine.
Excuse me. Sir, may I speak
to you for a second? Of course.
Thank you. I know somebody in your position
usually doesn't bother giving shots.
But in this one case, could you
make an exception? Certainly.
Thank you very much! Excuse me.
You don't know how
much this means to me.
You see, Nurse, this
may not be his job,
but some people are
not hung up on titles.
He doesn't mind stooping
to give a mere patient a shot.
Why should he? He
stoops all the time. Huh?
He's the janitor. The janitor!
I'll take over now. Oh, come
on. I've always wanted to do this!
The needle.
Okay.
I can't believe this! You were
gonna let a janitor give me a shot?
No, you were. Then
what were you doing?
Watching you make a horse's...
Which reminds me, can we get
on with this, please? Absolutely not.
There, you see. You just can't handle
the fact I'm a woman. That's not true.
Yes, it is. No, it's not.
Then I guess it doesn't embarrass
you arguing with your pants down.
I don't have my...
Thank you. [screaming] Mommy!
Oh! Oh! Please,
please, please, please.
Excuse me. I'm
looking for Jack Tripper.
Why don't you have a seat.
He's in the examining room.
How is he? Very annoying.
It's people like you who give
nurses a bad name! Jack?
What are you doing here?
Mr. Angelino called me. Are you okay?
I was up till a
minute ago. What?
I cut my finger,
but it's all right now.
Uh... Mr. Angelino
really had me worried.
I gotta get down to the restaurant,
Janet. What do you mean?
We have to find a new roommate. If
I don't get back to work, I'll get fired.
Look, Janet. I'm sure
whoever you pick will be fine.
I gotta go. Come
on, Felipe. Jack!
Hey, that looks just like my cousin's
bandage. Would you come on!
Felipe. I'll see you at home.
Jack... [groans]
Excuse me. Could
you tell me where the
nearest pay phone is?
Right around the corner.
Thanks. Was that your husband?
My husband? No.
That's a good thing.
'Cause if he were, you'd
never get him out of his clothes.
You don't know Jack.
Have you got the wrong guy.
Jack's the kind of
guy... [doorbell chimes]
No, no, no. Just sit there and
finish your tea. I'll be right back.
Hi, Janet. Hi, Larry.
What's doin'? Well...
I know. This new roommate
business has been driving you crazy.
Larry... Finding just the
right person is a tough job.
She's gotta be serious,
intelligent, dependable.
What are you getting at, Larry?
Hi! Are you my new roommate?
Uh, Didi, I thought I
told you to wait outside.
Larry promised me a
room with an ocean view.
Oh, he did, did
he? [Larry chuckles]
Said the sea air would
be... good for my lungs.
Gee, this is really swell.
It's really gonna help
my singing career
having a professional
voice coach so nearby.
You mean Larry? [Didi] Mm-hmm.
I like to help deserving
talent whenever I can. Right.
Larry... Shh.
Time to go up to my
place and rest your voices.
Hurt me. Hey, Larry.
Later, buddy. Bye.
Bye! Where's Larry
going in such a hurry?
Never mind. Excuse me. Never
mind about Larry. I've got great news.
I need some great news. What a
day. I nearly lose my finger and my job.
I know, sweetheart, but listen.
We have a new roommate.
We do? That's great!
What's she like?
Oh, Jack, she's really
sweet. She's nice.
She's the kind of girl
you'd like to live with.
I'm telling you, we really
hit it off. That's fantastic.
I can't wait to meet her.
Jack, you already have.
What? Hi, Jack.
Hi... Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
No! No! No. No.
No, no, no, no. Uh-huh.
No. No. Never. No way.
Not a chance. Never.
Uh-huh. Jack? Jack?
Talking to me? No!
I told you he was
gonna be surprised.
She's our new roommate?
Small world, huh?
Not small enough.
Jack, would you do me a favor and go in
the kitchen and get Terri some more tea?
What? [screams]
Terri, I can handle
this. It'll just be a second.
What is wrong with you? Janet,
I cannot live with that person.
Why not? Because...
Because I don't like her.
Why not? Because...
Because she's bossy and arrogant.
She's not at all like you, Janet.
You mean you can't
push her around? Exactly.
I mean, she doesn't have
your sweet disposition.
That's better,
buster. Like that.
Listen. You left this business of
picking a new roommate entirely up to me.
You wouldn't even
lift a finger to help me.
Terri is the very nicest
person I have met.
So I don't wanna hear
another word out of you. Janet...
Not another word!
All right, all right!
Just because I have to live with
her doesn't mean I have to like her.
No, Jack, but there is one
thing you do have to do.
What's that? Grow up.
[mocking] "Grow up."
Hi. [chuckles]
Well, I guess I haven't gotten off
to the greatest start with Jack, huh?
Come on. Don't worry about
Jack. He's just had a really bad day.
Five minutes from now, we're
all gonna be laughing about this.
I really hope so because
I really want to live here.
I mean, it would be
so exciting. Exciting?
You don't know
the half of it. [gulps]
Let's see.
There's a shuffleboard
contest every single evening.
And then we have
canasta on Wednesdays.
The bingo tournament is on
Monday and Saturday mornings.
What? Didn't Janet tell you?
All the tenants here
are old, retired people.
♪♪ [Larry singing
loudly] [knocking]
♪♪ [scatting] Ow!
Here you go, Jacko. Got all
the latest new wave groups.
Sour Milk, Worm
Rot, Spoiled Meat.
Boy, are we gonna
have fun tonight.
If we don't get food poisoning.
W-W-Well.
Hello there. And
who is this blossom
from love's... bouquet?
This is Terri. She's
our new roommate.
Really?
Hi. [softly] Hi.
Larry! Hmm?
Sorry. Terri, Larry
lives upstairs.
But please don't let that
stop you from moving in.
[mock chuckle]
Seriously, if there is
anything you need, just yell.
I'll be at your service
24 hours a day.
[Woman] Larry, where are you?
Starting tomorrow.
Ooo-whoo! [high-pitched gasp]
Yes!
Daylight come and
he gotta go home.
If you'll excuse me, there's
some things I have to do
in preparation for
the party tonight.
Jack!
What time is it, Janet?
Uh, it's 5:20. Why?
Wasn't this about the time that
Jack and I are supposed to be...
[giggles] laughing it up by now?
How much longer is he gonna
hold a grudge? Terri, come on.
Stop worrying about
Jack. I can't help it.
Look, all that happened
is that you just...
You know, you hurt Jack's
pride this afternoon, that's it.
Yeah. I guess I've just gotta find
a way to mend his bruised ego.
What are you gonna do?
Whatever it takes to make Jack
feel like a man again. Okay. What?
Jack. [gasps]
What are you doing?
I was separating an egg.
You shouldn't be
doing that. Huh?
Cooking is woman's
work. [shouting] It's what?
Everybody knows that.
At least everybody who
still knows what makes a man
a man.
Unless the man
happens to like cooking.
[laughing]
Oh, Jackie-poo, I just love the
way you make the silliest things
sound like they make sense.
Now let me take off that apron.
Wait, wait, wait!
There. You see? You
men, you're just all thumbs.
[growling] But...
Don't you worry. I will have that
cleaned up for you in a little bit.
[loud growling]
How did it go?
[shouting] And stay out
That well. You know, Janet,
the way things are going,
I think I should just get my purse, walk
out of here and pretend like we never met.
But I'm not going to. And
do you wanna know why?
Because you're not a quitter? Because
I already gave up my old apartment.
[knocking]
Open up. It's R.F. Who's that?
R.F... Ralph Furley.
Mr. Furley. He's our landlord.
He may have his little
quirks, but basically,
he's your average,
run-of-the-mill, nice landlord.
A little act I worked up
to save your party tonight.
Ah, Furley the
Magnificent senses
that you have a beautiful friend
visiting you. Hey, that's pretty good.
It's this trick blindfold. I
can see right through it.
Come here, Mr. Furley.
Watch your step there.
I would like for you to meet...
Don't tell me. Don't tell me.
I am now going to
amaze and delight you
by guessing the
name of your friend
without the help of any clues.
Uh, all I need is some impersonal
object you might have on your person,
like a hankie, or a compact,
or a... wallet.
Driver's license.
Okay.
What's this? My compact.
Give me the wallet.
Ah! Ah, now the name.
I'm getting the name.
The name is coming to me.
The name is Terri "Aldenrn."
Is the great Magnificent
Furley right or is he wrong?
He's wrong! He's
wrong! He... What?
Oh. Terri Alden, R.N.
Darn. I didn't see
those little dots there.
Mr. Furley, the R.N. stands...
Don't tell me. I
can guess that too.
R.N. R.N.
Registered nurse.
No, that's not it.
Yes, Mr. Furley,
that's it. Terri's a nurse.
She works down at Wilshire Memorial
Hospital. She's gonna be our new roommate.
Oh, well, I knew that.
And I was just gonna say it if you
give me the chance. Excuse me.
It was nice to meet you and welcome
to our building. Thank you so much.
I know you're gonna get along
just fine with the girls. The girls?
Yeah, Janet and Jack... woman.
Or didn't Jack tell
you that he's gay?
No, but I think I just
figured out what I did wrong.
Thank you, Mr. Furley.
Don't mention it.
I'm gonna get
ready for the party.
Hang on a second,
Terri. Mr. Furley, wait.
You shouldn't go out
with your blindfold on.
Why not? I told you I can
see right through it. Right.
[screaming] [crashing]
Mr. Fur... Terri, wait a minute!
[Janet] Mr. Furley!
[Furley] Janet!
[Janet] Are you all right?
Jack. Now what?
I owe you an apology. Oh?
You know what I said before, that a
real man wouldn't set foot in the kitchen?
Yeah. Well, I never
should have said that.
If you're happy with the
way you are, then so am I.
The way I am?
Sure. Cooking doesn't
make you any less of a man
than if you played
baseball or you boxed...
It just so happens that
I do box. You, you box?
Yes, and I'm darn good.
Back in the navy, I was
in two, three fights a week.
Oh, I can imagine. The other sailors
must have teased you something awful.
What? Oh, Jack, I'm
just trying to tell you
that I understand.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How did you ever get into the
navy anyway? [door bangs loudly]
What kind of a
question is that? Jack, I...
I'll tell you something... the
navy was darn glad to get me!
I could have been
middleweight champion of my
base. I had a left that
could knock you out.
Come on. Get him. Jack?
[grunts] [screams]
What are you doing? I'm just
warming up for my next fight.
Jack? [gasps] My elbow.
[doorbell chimes] I hear bells.
Uh-huh. Why don't you
answer the bell, champ?
[groaning]
Oh, elbow pain.
Jack. Jack, I just spent the last five
minutes giving Didi her voice lessons.
So what? So what?
We didn't even get past
the breathing exercises...
Jack, you gotta find some way of
getting Terri out of here and Didi in.
I got problems of my own.
If I have to live with that Terri
another minute, I'm gonna go crazy.
If Didi finds out she can't
have this apartment, she'll...
What did you just say? She's been
putting me down ever since she met me.
I can't live with a person
like that. Just get rid of her.
I wish I could, but
I promised Janet.
I didn't.
What? If I get rid
of Terri for you,
would you consider taking
Didi in? You got it, pal.
Good. Let's go shopping. Right,
shopping. Shopping for what?
I'll explain it to you on the way.
But I guarantee you one thing, buddy.
After tonight, she'll be
begging to get out of here.
You mean... Jack isn't gay?
No. Mr. Furley just
has to think that.
Otherwise, he would never
let Jack live here with two girls.
Oh, no. He must think I am
the worst person in the world.
Why? Just because of a
little misunderstanding?
Oh, Terri. Come on.
Let's just go in here and straighten
out this mess right now. Come on.
Jack? Jack!
Oh, he must have gone out.
I'm sure he'll be back real quick.
But I can't wait 'cause I have to
go home and change for the party.
Oh, Terri, that's even better. You
could talk to him at the party tonight.
I know he'll be in a better
mood by then. Do you think so?
Listen. Let me tell you something about
Jack Tripper. He doesn't hold grudges.
He may be unreasonable and cranky
and an all-around pain in the... you know.
Yeah, I know. Right.
But basically, once you have
Jack Tripper as your friend,
you have somebody that you can
depend on for the rest of your life.
That is good enough for
me. I will see him at the party,
and I'll show him the kind
of person that I really am.
That a girl. You do
that, and I promise you,
by the end of tonight,
he'll be begging you to stay.
Okay, I'll see you
tonight. All righty.
♪♪ [dance rock]
[people chattering]
A giraffe with
laryngitis. [laughing]
And here's another one. What did
the mayonnaise say to the lettuce?
What? Turn around.
Can't you see I'm dressing?
Do you get it?
Mayonnaise, dressing.
Oh, of course! I
get it, Mr. Furley.
That's a good one.
You got any more? Yeah, but I don't
think I'm strong enough to tell 'em.
Hors d'oeuvre? No, thanks.
What is it? It's rumaki.
Liver and water chestnut
wrapped in bacon.
Mistake, Jack. Mistake. Nothing
kills a party faster than a piece of liver.
Larry, I just love
this apartment.
Living here is gonna be
like a dream come true.
You've been having
that dream too, huh?
When do I get to move
in? Soon, baby, soon.
We just have to work
out a few of the details.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Did you bring everything? Jack,
will you relax. This plan is foolproof.
Just remember, when Terri shows up, treat
her like she's the most important person.
Why? Because that way
you catch her off-guard.
Right, right, right. Huh?
Jack? Jack, come here. Sure.
Listen, Jack. [doorbell chimes]
I'll get it! Thanks, Mr. Furley.
I know that you and Terri
haven't exactly hit it off,
but when she gets here, it'd be
nice if you didn't totally ignore her.
Hold that thought, Janet. Terri!
How nice to see you. We thought
you'd never get here. I love the dress.
Why, thank you. Jack, can I
see you alone for a second?
Alone? This is supposed to be a
party. Whatever it is, it can wait.
It's about this afternoon.
No, no, no, that's forgotten.
It is? Completely. Janet?
Huh? Would you get our
Terri a little glass of punch?
Sure, Jack, sure. Terri,
you look great. Thanks.
Okay, how'd it go? Wonderful.
Really? What'd you
say to him? Nothing.
Nothing? He didn't give me a
chance to. He just said forget it.
Oh. Well, I told you Jack
was really a terrific guy.
He sure is. I wonder
what he's up to.
What? Uh, nothing,
Terri. Nothing.
You take this and go meet some of
our friends. I'll see you in a minute.
Okay. Terri, have you met
our very own Mr. Furley?
Oh, yes, he took
my wallet. Mr. Furley!
No, you... No, you don't
understand. It was a trick.
See, first she wanted to give me her
compact... Why, was your makeup smudged?
You wanna hear about
the trick or not? I'm sorry.
And there's so many cute
professors at the college, Janet.
You should see
them. I will! I will!
Janet, did you ever go to college?
Uh-huh, but just for one year.
I had to drop out. Why?
I got this boy in
trouble. [shouts] What?
Come on. I'm kidding.
Oh. Oh, Cindy.
Gosh, Janet, I'm really gonna miss
you. Well, I'm gonna miss you too.
No, you won't, 'cause I'll be
coming around all the time.
Well, then I'll just have to
miss you in-between visits.
Come on, you two. Let's
get out here. Okay, okay.
The Furley Fun
Festival is about to begin.
The what? The
Furley Fun Festival.
All right, you folks, enough
dancing. Now turn off the music.
What do you mean? Come on now.
Listen, it's entertainment
time, and here's... Ralphie.
Mr. Furley... Okay,
sit down, everybody.
Sit down, Janet. Come
on. It's game time.
Game time. We're
gonna play games.
Okay. All right, now
here's the first game.
It's really very simple.
I say a word, then each
of you adds another word
till we end up with a question.
Then we all try and come
up with a funny answer.
[all moan]
I knew you'd like it.
Now, I'll say the first word.
Uh, does... anyone... want...
to... play... this... game?
[all] No!
Now cut that out!
I promised you we
were gonna have fun.
You're gonna have fun
whether you like it or not.
Okay, Mr. Furley, what do
you want us to do? That's better.
It's his building. Mmm.
Here's the next game.
Now, I have all your
names in this bag here.
You reach in, you pick a name,
but don't tell the name you picked.
You just pretend
you're that person.
And then the rest of us
have to guess who you are.
Okay, Janet, you go first.
All right, Mr. Furley. This
doesn't sound so bad.
There you go. Okay, okay.
She's gonna go outside, then she's gonna
come back in and we guess who she is.
When, Larry?
Patience, Jack. Patience.
[deep voice] ♪ Come,
Mr. Tally man Tally me banana ♪
Hey, Jacko! I managed to get
us a date with the Romando twins.
Jack, Jack, Jack.
How often do you get a chance
to go out with twin contortionists?
[gasps] The
possibilities are endless.
[all laughing]
Larry, who's the idiot
she's supposed to be?
No one you'd know.
It's your turn,
Jack. I don't know...
Pick! Picking immediately, yes.
Hmm. I can do this. Okay.
He's gonna go out, and
then he's gonna come back in.
Hi, kids. [sniffs, moans]
I suppose you're wondering
why I'm all spiffed up.
I'm going down to the Beagle
to meet this real great chick.
She's crazy about me, but
then who isn't? [laughing]
Listen, kids. If you're worried
about paying the rent this month,
[sniffs] don't give
it a second thought.
Just pack your bags and get out!
I know who that is.
It was... It was not!
Oh, come on. Mr. Furley,
it's all in good fun.
I mean, if you can't laugh
at yourself, right, Terri?
Oh, right. I thought
you were wonderful!
Oh, you did? Then you're next.
Oh. Okay.
Oh, no. What's wrong?
I picked Jack. I don't think
I ought to make fun of him.
Oh, don't be silly. I kid
him all the time. He loves it.
Well, if you say so.
Yeah, go on, go on.
She's gonna go outside... [all]
Then she's gonna come back in.
Doctor! Doctor! [gasps]
I cut my finger.
What do you mean I
have to wait my turn?
He only has a fractured skull.
I have a scratch on my finger.
Nurse. [panting]
Mercy!
What are you doing with that
needle? A shot? Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, hey, hey, hey. No, my...
Oh, it's so drafty in here.
Aah! Mommy.
Hey, she's got you
down to a tee, Jack.
What's the matter, did
she hurt your itty-bitty butty?
[all laughing]
Now, Larry, now. Right.
Okay, everybody, let me
have your attention, please.
I'll take over now,
Mr. Furley. Nice try.
Everybody, the moment you've
finally been waiting for is here!
We're about to play Jack's famous
party game. What famous party game?
And it's called...
A million laughs!
A million laughs? And everything
we need is right here in this little bag.
Right, Jack? Right, Larry.
And now I'm going
to need a volunteer
from the studio audience
here at home. I'll volunteer!
I'm sorry, Cindy, but this
lovely young lady beat you to it.
Oh. Ta-da!
Thank you for being
such a good sport.
[hand device buzzes] Oh!
Ooh. Say hello to
Mr. Hand Buzzer.
Hey!
What was your
name again? Uh, Terri.
Okay, my assistant, Terri, here
needs to see clearly,
so she has to wear...
Ta-da! these. [mock chuckle]
There you are. Put those
on. Okay, here we go.
There. [laughs]
Wait a second, Tammi. Let me see.
Have you been getting enough sleep?
Yeah. Why? Why? Honk.
You've got circles under
your eyes! [Larry laughing]
Talk to me, Laurence. Hello!
Hold it. Why, what do you
want me to do with this?
Well, Jackie, we want to capture
this moment for posterity, don't we?
Absolutely right.
Terri, would you please
smile pretty for the camera?
That's it. [gasps]
Larry! Well, that's the last
time I buy this cheap film.
The color runs.
Larry, you said you were
gonna use plain water.
Jack, that isn't funny. Look
what you did to her dress.
Yeah, you ruined it.
That was mean, Jack.
Don't worry about it, Terri. I'm
sure Jack will have it cleaned for you.
That's okay. He doesn't
have to. [Larry] That's right.
It's a wash and
wear dress. Larry...
And we have a special
solution that will allow
her to wash it and
wear it at the same time.
Maybe we... If you want the
magic solution to clean the dress...
And this is the funniest part of
the game... just say "give it to me."
Terri, you don't
have to do this.
Give it to me.
Terri...
Go ahead. You can't stop now.
You're right.
Jack, that's not what I
told you to do. I know.
I don't suppose it would
do any good to apologize.
Try me.
I'm really sorry. I don't
know why I did this.
I do. I've given you lots
of reasons not to like me.
But that's no excuse
to do what I did.
You're right.
And if you ever do that again,
I'm going to give you
another tetanus shot.
No, Mommy! Oh, kidding.
You are really
something, you know that?
And if you still
wanna live here,
I'd be happy to have
you as a roommate.
The way I look, nobody
else would take me.
I'll take you.
[no audible dialogue]
It was really nice seeing
you. You guys take care.
Good night. I'll call you.
Thanks. Bye. You devil!
[chuckling]
I wanna thank you
for a beautiful party.
Oh, you're welcome.
Jack and Janet helped a lot too.
Well, good night. [both]
Good night, Mr. Furley.
Thanks for the party. [laughs]
I feel terrible.
Larry, come on. Snap out of it.
Terri's not even mad at
you anymore. That's right.
What's done is done. What
do you say we start fresh?
You really mean that? Yeah.
Great. What do you say we
come up to my place for a nightcap?
Good idea! I'll
bring the seltzer.
Maybe some other time.
Come on, Cindy. I'll
give you a ride to UCLA.
Good night, Larry. Bye, Larry.
Well, I guess I better be goin'.
Just think. My first
night in the dormitory.
Ah, Cindy.
You call if you need
anything, all right? I will.
Hey, we'll miss you. Now listen.
You watch out for those
fraternity boys. Okay.
Bye. Bye.
Call me tomorrow. Bye.
Okay, all right.
[sighs] Well... Well...
Welly, welly, well.
Well, now that we're alone, why
don't we get to know each other better.
That's a great idea, Janet! I already know
you, so I'll just concentrate on Terri.
But don't worry. I'll be back.
I need a nurse! Nurse!
[no audible dialogue]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA.
Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.