The Wilds (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Episode #2.3 - full transcript
Anybody hear that?
Hear what?
I'm not sure.
Boner, dude.
Don't cry wolf while
we're trying to fucking sleep.
I think I heard it again.
There's always a lot
of noises out there,
I'm sure it's nothin'.
If Bo heard something,
he heard something.
Please tell me
we all just imagined that.
Can eight people all imagine
the same thing?
Whatever it is, I bet
it's decided to steer clear.
Death will come for us.
Be it by carnivore, disease,
or fates unknown,
death will come for us.
Henry, not now.
Sorry, but it's true.
The Grim Reaper is sharpening
his scythe, just for us.
Henry, not now.
♪ And the wind and the rain ♪
♪ And the winter squalls ♪
♪ We'll be found
with barnacles ♪♪
Shh!
What in the ever-loving
fuck was that?
Scotty...
Bo... do not move.
Nobody move.
Ahh!
Go, go, go, go!
Go, come on!
Come on, go, go, go, go!
So she cornered you
into a negotiation?
More or less, yeah.
The most unhinged subject
of all of 'em manages
to strong arm us.
Did not have that
on my bingo card.
Gentlemen, wait.
Dan, did you brief him
on our little Leah headache?
Just now, yes.
I'm afraid
it needs your attention.
Well, can it wait?
We have our 9:00.
Mm-mm.
Well, I could talk
to the kid on my own.
You know, maybe he'll loosen up
with just a single pair
of eyes on him.
Or... I could sub in
while you sort her out.
No, you can't conduct
the postmortems, Gretchen.
That's a huge breach
of procedure.
Then let's change
the procedure, shall we?
Who can ask about that?
Who's the HBIC?
Oh, wait.
Besides, you two have logged
countless hours with the boys
and we still have a colossal
Day Fifteen blind spot
on our hands
that could mean the end
of this entire operation.
So excuse me
if I'm a little itchy
to do your jobs myself.
The maestra will
get him to talk.
In my heyday, I could
draw blood from a stone.
Good luck.
There.
You suck at this.
Excuse me?
Is she a rookie?
I mean, she sucks at this.
You're over here busting out
these moldy-ass
interrogation tactics, waiting
for me to fill the silence,
trying to invade my personal
space to get a reaction.
I mean, look, no offense,
but you're not gonna
work me over using moves
I've seen a million times
watching Law & Order: Criminal
Intent with my grandma.
Listen, man, I, um...
I get it.
Get what?
A lawyer, for me?
'Cause that's what
I'd like right now.
I get where your head's at.
You're young, you're Black,
you have every reason in the
world to mistrust authority.
If I was in your chair, I sure
as hell wouldn't talk to us.
You know,
that's a tired move too,
playing
the "I can relate" card.
It wasn't a card.
I was just saying
some true things.
Hoping maybe
you'll do the same.
The others been talking?
Mm.
For the most part, yeah.
All right.
Try me.
No guarantees, but, uh,
I'll let you roll the dice.
Well,
I wouldn't mind hearing
about this, um, wild animal
encounter you all had.
"Encounter"?
That's a pretty word for it.
You have a different one?
Three, actually.
Battle...
fuckin'..
royale.
This could've been my skull.
We won't let that happen, J.
And your skull's a lot stronger
than the plastic jar.
Not really.
One of my fontanels
didn't fully close,
so I'm still a little spongy
back there.
♪ Ooh, a monster lives ♪
♪ In our backyard ♪
♪ We'll be found with
bite marks on our nards ♪
Henry, Jesus, can...
can you not?
Seriously, though,
what was that thing?
A big cat maybe?
Definitely
some kind of predator.
Did she know
this thing was out there?
No, of course not, okay?
She wouldn't just put her hand
on the scale like that.
If she said it once,
she said it a thousand times:
the particulars may vary
but the combined threat total
in both environments
is absolutely equal.
I get that these tablecloths
are kind of warm
and that we don't want to waste
any of Barb's party shit, but
we all look pretty ridiculous.
Yeah, I kind of feel like
I'm in a basket
of french fries.
Yeah, or like a church basement
on spaghetti dinner night.
Well, I for one love 'em.
I get to make my bed again,
which I've really been missin'.
You know, just that sense
of accomplishment.
And no, Toni,
the housekeeper back home
did not make my bed
like you so carelessly assumed.
The pleasure and the privilege
was all mine.
- Oh, God, you're a lunatic.
- No shit.
The definition of insanity
is waking up every morning
to make your bed knowing
that you're just gonna
mess it up again at night.
Raise your hand if you have
wasted years of your life
on the domestic fucking hamster
wheel that is bed-making.
That is
a total misrepresentation
of a beautiful ritual.
I love hamsters.
Okay, and where are
my liberated queens
who like to let the chaos ride?
Leah?
I mean,
I'm not really on either side.
Like, sometimes I make it,
sometimes I don't.
Okay,
that's actually fucked up.
Truly sociopathic.
Okay, fuck it,
I'll help make the bed.
It's, like, you know,
a betrayal of everything
that I've ever believed,
but...
that's a relationship, right?
Holy shit!
Toni!
Oh, my God,
that could've hit you!
Well, yeah.
That could've killed you.
I'm good.
I'm fine.
Jesus, Toni.
Jesus.
It was just a close call.
Hey, how 'bout
this tree right here?
We could slide it up,
keep it off the ground.
Are you sure
this is far enough?
Yeah.
Henry said if we keep
the food supply a mile away,
it'll keep us safe.
We walked, like, twice that.
I mean, that kid knows his shit
when he's not being
a fucking grumpus.
All right,
I'll do the honors.
- All right.
- Bend at the knees.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
What are you doing?
Most of this bunker shit
is nasty.
I want to be sure
we haven't cleaned out
all of Josh's snacks yet.
Ha.
Free-range non-GMO
turkey jerky.
Handmade in
the Napa fuckin' Valley.
Nothing but the finest
for my boy, Joshy.
Here, put it in your pocket.
No, Scotty, I'm...
I'm done doing this.
And I'm done having
this argument with you.
I... I mean,
it's not like we're doing this
for shits and giggles.
This is self-preservation.
Bro, you've seen how fast
those assholes been blowing
through everything.
Hey, look,
hopefully, we get rescued.
Or... or maybe
we'll hit another jackpot.
But for now, we have to make
our own fucking safety net,
just like we've always done.
You feel me?
Hey, what are you writing?
Don't...
don't call that stealing.
Don't be painting
that picture.
Oh, that wasn't what I was...
I wasn't making
a moral judgment.
Uh, it looks like you were.
Or, uh, maybe you just have
that resting judgy face.
Which, frankly,
isn't great for this situation.
If it wasn't stealing,
how would you categorize it?
Look, y'all are old.
No offense, ma'am.
And, uh, by the way,
you still got it.
What I meant by that is y'all
both been around the sun
enough times to know
how this shit works.
So when I tell you this,
I'ma trust you understand.
To get a fair shot
in this world...
...some people have to cheat.
Picked you up
a little something
'cause I'm a generous dude.
I found it at the dentist.
I was excited
till the dentist part.
Hey,
it's too damn dark in here.
Let's see.
Oh, yo, yo, relax.
- My shit is clean, man.
- Don't matter.
There have been times where
I thought shit was spotless,
and he still went ape shit.
My bad.
Oh, go to the page I marked.
Nice, Flo from Progressive.
Look, man, I don't get
your thing for her,
but a man's taste
is a man's taste.
Come on, man.
She's funny and she's hot.
You know, I feel like
if we ever dated,
I could do dumb stuff,
and she wouldn't
take it too serious.
Hey.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, yeah, no problem,
but aye,
this is actually
a business meeting.
I just started it with the gift
like they do in Japan.
Check this out.
You know that little girl,
Deena,
that lives in my building?
- Yeah.
- I bought up a bunch
of her Girl Scout cookies,
took 'em down
to that bougie-ass law firm
my mom's been working at,
and upsold the hell
out of that shit.
I made, like,
a smooth hundred in two hours.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
So what are you gonna
spend it on?
What am I...
no, no, no, no, no.
I am not spending it.
We are reinvesting it.
- Oh.
- Look, here me out on this.
So there's these designer
collab T-shirts
that people are going
absolutely ape shit for, right?
And... and once they get
discontinued,
we could sell 'em for, like,
three times as much online.
So I say we buy up a ton,
sit on that shit,
and then we make a huge payday
when we cash out!
Maybe even get
your Dwayne Johnson-sized ass
a double bed or fucking
twin XL, something, something.
Get something nice in our lives
for once, you know?
But the only thing is,
the closest store
that's selling the shirts
is in Tallahassee.
My parents are going
out of town for a church trip
next Saturday.
We could, maybe...
...take my dad's car.
Yo!
But we have
to get it back in time,
and it has to be
in perfect shape, okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that's...
that's what
I'm talking about.
- Hoo!
- Scotty, I'm serious.
No, me too.
Deadly serious.
- Oh, my God.
- What, what, what, what!
There's dangerous
shit lurking out there.
I've had my head so far
up the ass of this stupid book,
I've taken my eye off the ball.
So I'm gonna
go do a safety sweep
and check for any widow-makers.
Uh, widow-makers?
Yeah.
That's what loggers call
a dead tree,
'cause when they fall
they do some serious damage,
obviously.
Later.
I'm gonna head too.
Where you going?
Jesus.
Look at your face.
I'm just gonna get water, okay?
I'm not off to war.
I think I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go with.
You know, live and die by the
buddy system and everything,
so I'm...
I'm just gonna...
Bye.
Okay, so Dot's out of here,
the honeymooners
are peacing out.
We should have
a sign out sheet.
- Mm.
- Write down
when you're leaving and why,
but you don't have
to be super specific.
Like if you're going
to take a dump.
When my grandma goes
to the bathroom, she says,
"I'm visiting
the smallest room!"
Sure.
Weird, but sure.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know,
am I being a buzzkill?
Like, am I ruining my street
cred with all this mom energy?
Ugh.
I just feel like people are
- walking out all the...
- We should get more.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, let's head
back out there.
Oh, ladies?
- Where are you going?
- Back to the grove.
We got to get more bamboo
to patch up the platform.
- Trying to stay industrious.
- What's that old saying?
Idle hands...
Devil's work.
Okay.
L and R.
Should it be a grid system
or free form?
Oh, my God, what the fuck
is wrong with me?
Why am I acting
like a fucking hall monitor?
It's nice.
You just care is all.
I know.
It's disgusting.
I think the whole...
death-by-tree scare
really got under my skin.
I feel like the gods
are mad at us.
Maybe we should do something
to appease them,
like sacrifice a virgin.
I'm obviously not a candidate.
So you're saying I would be?
No.
No, I was being funny.
Whatever.
Martha, I didn't mean...
Wow.
This is bold.
Stealing shit
in broad daylight.
You know, I hate to break it
to you, babe,
but you're not a ninja, okay?
You're like 6'10" and you have
gorgeous, eye-catching hair.
I wasn't stealing.
This stuff is communal.
Is your name
on that bottle?
Oh.
Honestly, what an intriguing
little twist.
You know, I had you down
as more of a White Claw
and Natty Lite with the crew
type of guy, but pills?
It's very edgy.
You know, very...
Fuck off, Taylor!
They're not, like, fun pills.
They're for, like...
Oh, go on.
Huh.
A little honesty and, uh,
I might be less inclined
to make this a thing.
It's for my dick, all right?
My dick's been burning
like fire for days,
and I sort of thought
antibiotics might help.
I sort of got wasted
at a party a while back
and got up to some shit
with this girl, and, uh...
Round of applause,
you sloppy, sloppy boy.
Or should I say le clap?
Hey, isn't slut-shaming one
of the billion things
you marched against?
'Cause that's exactly
what you did to me just there.
Uh, no.
I'm shaming you for being
a dumbass who didn't bag it.
I really fucking hate you,
you know?
Like, I thought
I could tough it out.
Three days on some bullshit
retreat and we'd be done.
But now we're here,
and I got to look at your
smug fucking face every day.
And that attitude you're
always walking around with,
like you're
so fucking superior,
like you've always
got the moral...
fuck, what's the word?
The ledge, the fuckin'...
the upper ledge.
The moral high ground.
Yes.
Yeah.
Course you got it
on the tip of your tongue,
'cause you think
you live there 24/7,
but you don't, man.
That shit you pulled back home,
that wasn't moral high ground
shit, dog, not even close.
Kirin.
Hey!
Ugh, jeez.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, dude.
What are you up to?
- Me time.
- All right, well,
you think you could circle
back to camp, take a break?
A bunch of us were
gonna talk strategy
in case that thing
does comes back.
Submission is
the only strategy.
We just take our place
in the natural order of things
and let it have its way
with us.
Henry, Henry, stop.
You can't keep
acting like this, man.
Okay, it's one thing to mope
because Mom and Dad
took over the living room
to drink wine
and get horny
watching The Notebook.
Yeah, "Mom."
Jesus Christ, I can...
I can call her that.
Whoa, whoa, hey.
Hear me out.
Your whole
hardcore morbid vibe,
when we're in the real world,
it's whatever, okay?
It's harmless.
Well, it did get you sent
on this shit show, but...
Yeah, do you get a chub every
time you remind me of that?
Would you just fucking listen?
It... it's different here,
in this place.
We're all scared.
We're all low.
We can't have
your death lord schtick
just dragging us even lower.
You know what I wonder
about a lot?
Does she actually like
that you call her Mom?
Or does she just allow it
out of pity?
'Cause your own mom didn't
want to be one...
...or at least not one to you.
Fucking bitch-ass pussy.
Are you out of your mind?
Are you trying
to fucking kill me?
No, Henry, the opposite.
I just want...
I just wanted you to see.
To see what?
A psychotic at work?
See how badly you want
to fucking live.
Which... which is very badly,
by the looks of it.
You left welts.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm so fucking sorry.
This energy, this clawing
for survival energy.
This is what I fucking need
from you right now.
Okay, this is life
and fucking death.
It's not a schtick, you know?
I... I know, I know.
I know.
I know.
You just...
you just got to be careful,
you know, man, like,
with the darkness levels.
Not everyone can handle it.
I'm sorry too, for what I said.
And for the welts.
It's okay.
We're... we're family.
Agh!
This forced submersion,
just how violent was it?
Like I said, I didn't see it.
I only heard about it,
you know, after
some other shit went down.
Was there another event
involving either of them
that brought this account
to light?
Why don't ask him about it?
Ask who?
Henry?
Or Seth?
It's not really for me to say.
All things considered,
they should've been
the closest two on the island.
Mm.
Goes to show, I guess.
Share a roof,
share some parents,
that's not what
makes someone tight.
Well, what does,
would you say?
Not yet.
Not yet, not yet.
- Caffeinating.
- All right,
well, drink it now,
'cause I don't think it's gonna
fit in the cup holder
and I don't want you spilling.
- What else you got?
- Oh, man,
look, I set us up, okay?
Snacks on snacks on snacks.
Scotty, I said
nothing that crumbs.
Yo, relax.
Go time?
♪ Wake up
your young heart ♪
♪ Feel the beat ♪
♪ We're living in the moment ♪
♪ Like a masterpiece ♪
♪ Are you ready
for what's out there? ♪
♪ A thousand stars shining ♪
♪ Lights all clear ♪
♪ I see it... ♪♪
♪ Gloria! ♪
♪ Gloria ♪
♪ I think they got
your number! ♪
♪ Gloria! ♪
♪ I think
they got the alias ♪
♪ Gloria! ♪
How much time we got?
Two minutes maybe.
They just got
off the interstate.
All right, all the time
in the world, baby.
Scotty, wait.
He'll find 'em inside.
Come on, around back.
- Hey, you sure about this?
- Yeah.
Nobody else comes
in here really.
It's just me
for the lawn stuff.
Home free, man!
You know, one day
when we're titans of industry,
we're gonna be telling
this story at some, like,
Forbes conference or something,
you know,
like, the tale of our...
our humble beginnings.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
- I mean...
- Fuck!
It's... it's not that bad.
You know, may...
maybe they won't even notice.
Are you kidding, man?
I'm fucked, dude!
- Fuck.
- Okay, uh,
Bo, Bo, calm down, okay?
Uh, this shit's on me.
I... I can fix this.
No, no, dude, I should've
double-checked everything.
Just...
Scotty, just go home, man.
Nah, listen to me.
Um... oh, my aunt,
she taught me this trick.
Uh, do you have a blow dryer?
Yeah.
Shit.
Here.
Okay, okay, here we go.
Now watch.
Scotty,
it's not working, man.
It's gonna work, all right?
It's all about the heat.
Hey, dude,
I think they're pulling up.
Uh, go... go get me a towel.
It worked.
It worked.
We did it.
We really did that shit.
We found our power alley,
our fucking thrive zone.
I had no idea
that constant manual labor
could be so,
like, cleansing.
You know those signs that
they have in factories that say
"X number of days have passed
without physical injury"?
- No.
- Well, if I had one
that counted the number
of hours since my last
neurotic thought,
I would be at, like, a hundred.
This kind of makes me
want to be a carpenter.
- Like, fuck a diving career.
- Fuck it.
Just set me up with a level
and a hammer.
I'd be building real shit.
You know,
in a constant flow state,
too busy, too tired
to get in my head about life.
- Like Jesus.
- Yeah,
but without the lame
messiah stuff,
you know, just...
just carpentry.
You'd be
such a hot carpenter.
- Thank you.
- What should we do
with all these leftover pieces?
Uh, that's a good question.
Rachel.
No. No.
- Rachel.
- I don't know... no.
Rachel, in ten minutes,
we will be done
with all of this and we'll
have nothing left to do.
Do you really want to stare
down the barrel of that gun?
Are you imagining
someone's face
when you're doing that?
Because I feel like
it might be my face,
because I was
a real jackass back there.
No.
Not you.
Yes, bitch, snipe that shit.
I actually don't
need company right now.
I know.
Like, maybe it's best you go.
Okay.
Martha, if you're
holding on to something
and you're sick
of being alone with it...
...I'm around.
Like, if it's about sex maybe.
Literally everything
about it terrifies me.
Yeah, I guess I... I guess
I've been kind of lucky.
I've only really experienced
the lighter side of it.
For the most part.
But I know that
there's a dark side out there.
And if it came for you,
I'm really fucking sorry.
I'm gonna throw
something out there,
and feel free to tell me
to fuck off.
But there might be something
that you could try
that would help
bring this thing
that's making you sad
into the light.
What?
I'll give you a super
user-friendly tutorial.
Hell, I'll try it with you.
Not with you-with you,
but still together, you know?
This is fuckin' stupid.
I don't know why we're hiding
out like a bunch of bitches
on this stupid ledge.
I thought you said moving
the food would be enough.
I'm amending
my former statement.
If we really want to protect
ourselves, it's safer to assume
that the beach camp will
be the target tonight.
Predators don't forget
their marks that quickly.
Are we really
taking him seriously?
You know this is just
his Johnny Raincloud bullshit
jumping out,
exaggerating how fucked we are.
I don't know, man.
Henry seems to know his shit.
Hey, how many badges did
you earn back in the Scouts?
96 merit badges...
...including wildlife patterns
and defense.
I have expertise... Karen.
I believe that's
what's jumping out.
Whoa!
Oh, shit.
Yeah, so head on back to camp
if you want, Kirin.
We're not gonna argue
with 96 badges.
We'll be here.
Help me up.
Whew.
This is probably my trick-ass
brain getting all,
like, creative on me,
but I feel
like I still smell food.
I bet it's me.
My pores really express
what I've eaten
and lately
it's been all that Spam.
Well, I don't hate it, Joshua.
You doing all right, Bo?
Yeah.
You want to take my spot?
There's a little
bit more space...
No, no, no, it's... it's okay.
I'm... I'm used
to being scrunched up.
- Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa!
We got you.
You're good.
And you're definitely taking
my spot, there's a ton more...
No, no.
Maybe later.
I got to go pee now.
Can't you just
pee off the side?
It's gonna be a real pain
getting up and down.
Yeah, that would be wise.
Human piss is actually
a natural animal repellent.
Hm.
Okay.
You sure he's all right?
Yeah, yeah.
He's just a neat freak.
You know, he...
he needs his privacy.
But, um, just in case,
I'll go check on him.
Bo, stop!
Where are you going, bro?
I can't do this, man.
Look, I'm putting it back.
Don't... yo, yo.
Yo, put the brakes on, bro.
We... we can't just bury it
somewhere or something?
Scotty, it is not, like,
me and you versus
everybody anymore, okay?
We are with them.
You really think they're
not gonna make a fucking U-turn
and... and drop you
when you need it most?
You know better than that, man.
They are not gonna
do that, okay?
See, that right there?
That kind of mentality
is how you end up really
fucking disappointed in people.
Yeah, so kind of
like how I am now.
You want to talk
about how that made you feel?
How long had
you two been friends?
Nine years maybe.
Yeah, yeah, nine.
It's like, um...
It's, like, a combination
of dumb shit and real shit
makes you boys with someone.
You know,
Marvel vs Capcom at GameTime.
Or double cheese fries
at Jerry's.
Or fucking losing it
when our physics teacher
says "gaseous particles."
That kind of dumb shit.
And what was the real?
The real shit?
Like the actual, factual shit
holding us together?
Mm-hmm.
It was what we knew
about people.
Namely?
That they're out
to fuck you over.
And if either of us was
about to start softening up
on that outlook,
I'm surprised it was Bo
who did it first.
Why was that?
'Cause he got it taught
real early
from the ones you're not
supposed to learn it from.
Ha-ha!
The T-shirts all sold.
We did it.
We moved all the merch.
Last one just sold
for a premium, baby.
- Nice.
- All right,
after shipping, that's, like,
$275 apiece.
- Apiece?
- Apiece!
Let's get this shit
packed up, okay?
Hey, we clear?
Yeah.
- Ah, fuck!
- No!
Shit!
Ahh!
Goddamn it!
Fuck!
Agh!
The good mower's fucked!
We put the boxes
over the drain!
We must've stopped it up.
Bo!
The hell are you doing?
You know, you should really
be wearing long sleeves.
Open skin is just an invite
for malaria, dengue fever...
Shelby, can you try to chill?
Pants too, a high sock and
a long pant anytime you're...
Shelby, stop,
you've been like this all day.
What the hell
is wrong with you?
What?
I'm just suggesting
a few safety measures
is all.
The tree.
You're thinking about the tree.
It keeps...
it keeps falling.
In my head, it keeps...
it keeps
almost taking you
away from me and...
Hey, hey.
I'm not going anywhere.
But yeah, I...
I get it.
You know, like, the white-hot
fear of losing me, I get that.
I'm pretty fucking great.
- Shut up.
- I mean,
how can you ask me to cover
all this flyness?
Are you really trying
to put me in pants,
sleeves, and a high sock?
Mm, no, I changed...
I changed my mind about that.
♪ April, come she will ♪
♪ When streams are ripe
and swelled with rain ♪
♪ May, she will stay ♪
♪ Resting in my arms again ♪
♪ June,
she'll change her tune ♪
♪ In restless walks,
she'll prowl the night ♪
♪ July, she will fly ♪
♪ And give no warning
to her flight ♪
♪ August, die she must ♪
♪ The autumn winds blow
chilly and cold ♪
♪ September, I'll remember ♪
♪ A love once new
has now grown old ♪♪
This, uh...
...sucks.
Was... was, um...
was that an Italian accent?
Were... were you doing,
like, Luigi?
Like, um, like,
"This-a sucks-a"?
No.
I was just pausing.
Like, "Uh."
Uh.
Hm, that's-a...
that's-a too-a bad-a.
Because-a for-a once I thought
you were doing
something adorable-a.
Well...
...this-a does-a suck.
This-a suck-a big-a time!
Okay.
It's-a my turn!
This-a hard-a-ass-a stone
is-a killing-a my-a butt!
We-a were-a better
on the beach-a.
What was that?
Was that Jamaican?
Italiano
via English via Español.
Unlike you, Chicago, I happen
to be a citizen of the world.
- Ah-ha.
- I heard your mom's ass
is a citizen of the world.
- Oh!
- Ooh!
- Wow.
- Meaning that your mother's
ass is very well-traveled,
by other people.
She's, like, promiscuous.
Oh, no, dude,
the joke landed.
You don't need
to over-explain it.
Raf, are you really gonna let
this little buttmunch talk
about your mom like that?
And we've reached the
homophobic part of the evening.
Congratulations, everybody.
The hell do you mean
"homophobic"?
"Buttmunch?"
Buttmunch isn't homophobic.
- Anyone can munch a butt.
- It's rooted in homophobia.
And as the only gay man here,
perhaps you should defer
to my take on this.
How do you know
you're the only gay man here?
I could be closeted.
Your assumptions
about my sexuality are...
...very offensive, Ivan.
Mm.
Hmm.
Yeah, I'm sorry, you're right.
No, yeah, you totally could've
gotten the clap from a guy,
or someone residing elsewhere
on the gender spectrum.
Oh.
Oh, I'll bring the group
up to speed.
Kirin here has gonorrhea.
I caught him stealing
some of Josh's meds for it.
Shit, Kirin.
I mean, I feel for you, dude,
but you probably
should've asked first.
Yeah, man, I...
I could've helped.
I actually love
talking dosages.
It's embarrassing, all right?
And you...
you and your fucking
"lips are sealed" bullshit.
You know, for a second,
I actually
thought you were gonna be cool.
That was before
you disrespected who I am.
- My bad.
- Fuck you!
I actually am a buttmunch.
Like... like, literally.
- What?
- No, it... it's true.
Um, Maggie, um,
on teen tour last summer,
um, I... I munched her butt.
She asked me to do it.
So, I dove right in,
nose first.
You know, I... I would be lying
if I said that
I wouldn't do it again.
Because I would.
I would venture forth and...
and dive my nose
into her butt region...
very deep
and exploratively-like.
I'm gonna pee my pants.
Do it.
Drain it right here,
tried-and-true beast deterrent.
Bo missed out.
This is a rush.
Scotty, I know
you're back there.
Can you please
just walk with me?
- No.
- Come on, man.
Having you behind me
keeps freaking me out.
Can't do it.
We're in a fight right now.
All right.
Well, you'll forgive me
for putting the food back.
I really think you will.
Okay, that wasn't me.
Wait there.
Um, the cliff where the rest of
the guys are is just up ahead.
So we should run
like last time.
I don't know.
False alarm maybe.
- Fuck! Go, go!
- Come on!
Run!
Go!
Go, it's behind us!
Oh, fuck.
- Fuck!
- Fuck, fuck!
It's behind us!
Scotty, come on!
- Come on, grab it!
- Oh, my God!
Go, go, go!
Scotty, you got it, you got it!
Up, up, up.
I got you, I got you.
- Come on.
- Go, go, go, go!
Come on!
Hurry!
It's coming!
Go!
- Bo!
- Bo, come on!
It's working!
Get out of here!
I got you, I got you, come on!
Bo, Bo, Bo, come on!
Up, up, up!
I got you, I got you!
- Come on!
- Come on!
- Come on, Bo!
- Come on, come on, come on!
Attention, everyone.
Sit down, please.
Please, sit.
Settle in, order a drink,
'cause, baby,
we're here to entertain you.
- What are you doing?
- Um...
- What was that?
- Yeah, no, I don't know.
I just went into this lounge
singer thing and I don't...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I don't know why.
What fresh hell?
Uh, no lip
from the cheap seats, okay?
No matter how shitty this is,
we practiced it for two hours.
It was more like three.
Rachel got really intense.
Let's just do this.
Two, a one, two, three.
Is it just me
or are they not bad?
She's flat, but fuck me.
♪ Alabama, Arkansas ♪
♪ I do love my Ma and Pa,
not the way... ♪
♪ That I do love you ♪
♪ Well, holy moly, me oh my,
you're the apple of my eye ♪
♪ Girl,
I never loved one like you ♪
♪ Oh, home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is wherever
I'm with you ♪
♪ Oh, home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is whenever I'm
with you ♪
♪ Home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is whenever I'm
with you ♪
♪ Oh, home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is when I'm alone
with you ♪
♪ Home, let me come home... ♪
This is, like, the most
perfect moment of my life.
♪ Ah, home, yes I am home ♪
♪ Home is when I'm alone
with you ♪♪
You know how sometimes you can
want something so bad,
like you can be praying
for it real hard...
...and then it finally comes.
But it's like,
it's not right.
Like, it came at the wrong
time or in the wrong way.
And you're left thinking,
shit...
God's kind of a motherfucker,
you know?
I mean, just like this, right?
I used to pray all the time,
every night before bed,
every Sunday in church,
you know,
that I'd get a Jaguar one day.
It's like, goddamn, Lord,
this is not what I meant.
We got to give it up
for the others, though.
They came through.
Yeah.
Yeah, they did.
I'm sorry, Bo.
Probably don't
tell you that enough.
Don't be.
I'm the one who can't run fast.
Yeah, but it's my fault
you even had to.
It's my fault we're even here.
Hey.
That shit's on my record too.
I'm proud of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, we can be savage, huh?
You know what's really
messed up though?
Hmm?
When that thing attacked,
we didn't have any food on us.
I... I guess it didn't matter.
Hmm.
Guess not.
You ever feel like you were
up against something,
like, relentless?
Like, no matter what you did
to try and get on a come up,
it was always gonna be there
to slap you back down...
...making sure you knew
you could never win.
What's this?
It's my old house.
We lived here
till I was, like, seven.
It's nice.
I mean, really nice.
Yeah.
It's a real-ass house,
that's what it is.
I didn't have to share a room
with anybody.
Didn't have to listen to porn
coming through my
neighbor's wall every night.
I come to remember what I lost,
what I want to be again.
It's for sale.
Damn.
Maybe the bank got
these folks too.
Hey, come on.
They took this place from us.
It's just you and me, Bo.
Just you and me.
Ah!
Ahh!
Wakey fuckin' wakey!
Me and Bo have been thinking.
That cat is gonna keep coming
until we stop it.
And it ain't no one-man
or two-man or...
it's not even a seven-man job.
It's gonna take all of us,
together.
So come on!
Get up!
What the fuck
are y'all waiting for?
We got a jag to kill.
Beep-beep,
coming through.
Hear what?
I'm not sure.
Boner, dude.
Don't cry wolf while
we're trying to fucking sleep.
I think I heard it again.
There's always a lot
of noises out there,
I'm sure it's nothin'.
If Bo heard something,
he heard something.
Please tell me
we all just imagined that.
Can eight people all imagine
the same thing?
Whatever it is, I bet
it's decided to steer clear.
Death will come for us.
Be it by carnivore, disease,
or fates unknown,
death will come for us.
Henry, not now.
Sorry, but it's true.
The Grim Reaper is sharpening
his scythe, just for us.
Henry, not now.
♪ And the wind and the rain ♪
♪ And the winter squalls ♪
♪ We'll be found
with barnacles ♪♪
Shh!
What in the ever-loving
fuck was that?
Scotty...
Bo... do not move.
Nobody move.
Ahh!
Go, go, go, go!
Go, come on!
Come on, go, go, go, go!
So she cornered you
into a negotiation?
More or less, yeah.
The most unhinged subject
of all of 'em manages
to strong arm us.
Did not have that
on my bingo card.
Gentlemen, wait.
Dan, did you brief him
on our little Leah headache?
Just now, yes.
I'm afraid
it needs your attention.
Well, can it wait?
We have our 9:00.
Mm-mm.
Well, I could talk
to the kid on my own.
You know, maybe he'll loosen up
with just a single pair
of eyes on him.
Or... I could sub in
while you sort her out.
No, you can't conduct
the postmortems, Gretchen.
That's a huge breach
of procedure.
Then let's change
the procedure, shall we?
Who can ask about that?
Who's the HBIC?
Oh, wait.
Besides, you two have logged
countless hours with the boys
and we still have a colossal
Day Fifteen blind spot
on our hands
that could mean the end
of this entire operation.
So excuse me
if I'm a little itchy
to do your jobs myself.
The maestra will
get him to talk.
In my heyday, I could
draw blood from a stone.
Good luck.
There.
You suck at this.
Excuse me?
Is she a rookie?
I mean, she sucks at this.
You're over here busting out
these moldy-ass
interrogation tactics, waiting
for me to fill the silence,
trying to invade my personal
space to get a reaction.
I mean, look, no offense,
but you're not gonna
work me over using moves
I've seen a million times
watching Law & Order: Criminal
Intent with my grandma.
Listen, man, I, um...
I get it.
Get what?
A lawyer, for me?
'Cause that's what
I'd like right now.
I get where your head's at.
You're young, you're Black,
you have every reason in the
world to mistrust authority.
If I was in your chair, I sure
as hell wouldn't talk to us.
You know,
that's a tired move too,
playing
the "I can relate" card.
It wasn't a card.
I was just saying
some true things.
Hoping maybe
you'll do the same.
The others been talking?
Mm.
For the most part, yeah.
All right.
Try me.
No guarantees, but, uh,
I'll let you roll the dice.
Well,
I wouldn't mind hearing
about this, um, wild animal
encounter you all had.
"Encounter"?
That's a pretty word for it.
You have a different one?
Three, actually.
Battle...
fuckin'..
royale.
This could've been my skull.
We won't let that happen, J.
And your skull's a lot stronger
than the plastic jar.
Not really.
One of my fontanels
didn't fully close,
so I'm still a little spongy
back there.
♪ Ooh, a monster lives ♪
♪ In our backyard ♪
♪ We'll be found with
bite marks on our nards ♪
Henry, Jesus, can...
can you not?
Seriously, though,
what was that thing?
A big cat maybe?
Definitely
some kind of predator.
Did she know
this thing was out there?
No, of course not, okay?
She wouldn't just put her hand
on the scale like that.
If she said it once,
she said it a thousand times:
the particulars may vary
but the combined threat total
in both environments
is absolutely equal.
I get that these tablecloths
are kind of warm
and that we don't want to waste
any of Barb's party shit, but
we all look pretty ridiculous.
Yeah, I kind of feel like
I'm in a basket
of french fries.
Yeah, or like a church basement
on spaghetti dinner night.
Well, I for one love 'em.
I get to make my bed again,
which I've really been missin'.
You know, just that sense
of accomplishment.
And no, Toni,
the housekeeper back home
did not make my bed
like you so carelessly assumed.
The pleasure and the privilege
was all mine.
- Oh, God, you're a lunatic.
- No shit.
The definition of insanity
is waking up every morning
to make your bed knowing
that you're just gonna
mess it up again at night.
Raise your hand if you have
wasted years of your life
on the domestic fucking hamster
wheel that is bed-making.
That is
a total misrepresentation
of a beautiful ritual.
I love hamsters.
Okay, and where are
my liberated queens
who like to let the chaos ride?
Leah?
I mean,
I'm not really on either side.
Like, sometimes I make it,
sometimes I don't.
Okay,
that's actually fucked up.
Truly sociopathic.
Okay, fuck it,
I'll help make the bed.
It's, like, you know,
a betrayal of everything
that I've ever believed,
but...
that's a relationship, right?
Holy shit!
Toni!
Oh, my God,
that could've hit you!
Well, yeah.
That could've killed you.
I'm good.
I'm fine.
Jesus, Toni.
Jesus.
It was just a close call.
Hey, how 'bout
this tree right here?
We could slide it up,
keep it off the ground.
Are you sure
this is far enough?
Yeah.
Henry said if we keep
the food supply a mile away,
it'll keep us safe.
We walked, like, twice that.
I mean, that kid knows his shit
when he's not being
a fucking grumpus.
All right,
I'll do the honors.
- All right.
- Bend at the knees.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
What are you doing?
Most of this bunker shit
is nasty.
I want to be sure
we haven't cleaned out
all of Josh's snacks yet.
Ha.
Free-range non-GMO
turkey jerky.
Handmade in
the Napa fuckin' Valley.
Nothing but the finest
for my boy, Joshy.
Here, put it in your pocket.
No, Scotty, I'm...
I'm done doing this.
And I'm done having
this argument with you.
I... I mean,
it's not like we're doing this
for shits and giggles.
This is self-preservation.
Bro, you've seen how fast
those assholes been blowing
through everything.
Hey, look,
hopefully, we get rescued.
Or... or maybe
we'll hit another jackpot.
But for now, we have to make
our own fucking safety net,
just like we've always done.
You feel me?
Hey, what are you writing?
Don't...
don't call that stealing.
Don't be painting
that picture.
Oh, that wasn't what I was...
I wasn't making
a moral judgment.
Uh, it looks like you were.
Or, uh, maybe you just have
that resting judgy face.
Which, frankly,
isn't great for this situation.
If it wasn't stealing,
how would you categorize it?
Look, y'all are old.
No offense, ma'am.
And, uh, by the way,
you still got it.
What I meant by that is y'all
both been around the sun
enough times to know
how this shit works.
So when I tell you this,
I'ma trust you understand.
To get a fair shot
in this world...
...some people have to cheat.
Picked you up
a little something
'cause I'm a generous dude.
I found it at the dentist.
I was excited
till the dentist part.
Hey,
it's too damn dark in here.
Let's see.
Oh, yo, yo, relax.
- My shit is clean, man.
- Don't matter.
There have been times where
I thought shit was spotless,
and he still went ape shit.
My bad.
Oh, go to the page I marked.
Nice, Flo from Progressive.
Look, man, I don't get
your thing for her,
but a man's taste
is a man's taste.
Come on, man.
She's funny and she's hot.
You know, I feel like
if we ever dated,
I could do dumb stuff,
and she wouldn't
take it too serious.
Hey.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, yeah, no problem,
but aye,
this is actually
a business meeting.
I just started it with the gift
like they do in Japan.
Check this out.
You know that little girl,
Deena,
that lives in my building?
- Yeah.
- I bought up a bunch
of her Girl Scout cookies,
took 'em down
to that bougie-ass law firm
my mom's been working at,
and upsold the hell
out of that shit.
I made, like,
a smooth hundred in two hours.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
So what are you gonna
spend it on?
What am I...
no, no, no, no, no.
I am not spending it.
We are reinvesting it.
- Oh.
- Look, here me out on this.
So there's these designer
collab T-shirts
that people are going
absolutely ape shit for, right?
And... and once they get
discontinued,
we could sell 'em for, like,
three times as much online.
So I say we buy up a ton,
sit on that shit,
and then we make a huge payday
when we cash out!
Maybe even get
your Dwayne Johnson-sized ass
a double bed or fucking
twin XL, something, something.
Get something nice in our lives
for once, you know?
But the only thing is,
the closest store
that's selling the shirts
is in Tallahassee.
My parents are going
out of town for a church trip
next Saturday.
We could, maybe...
...take my dad's car.
Yo!
But we have
to get it back in time,
and it has to be
in perfect shape, okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that's...
that's what
I'm talking about.
- Hoo!
- Scotty, I'm serious.
No, me too.
Deadly serious.
- Oh, my God.
- What, what, what, what!
There's dangerous
shit lurking out there.
I've had my head so far
up the ass of this stupid book,
I've taken my eye off the ball.
So I'm gonna
go do a safety sweep
and check for any widow-makers.
Uh, widow-makers?
Yeah.
That's what loggers call
a dead tree,
'cause when they fall
they do some serious damage,
obviously.
Later.
I'm gonna head too.
Where you going?
Jesus.
Look at your face.
I'm just gonna get water, okay?
I'm not off to war.
I think I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go with.
You know, live and die by the
buddy system and everything,
so I'm...
I'm just gonna...
Bye.
Okay, so Dot's out of here,
the honeymooners
are peacing out.
We should have
a sign out sheet.
- Mm.
- Write down
when you're leaving and why,
but you don't have
to be super specific.
Like if you're going
to take a dump.
When my grandma goes
to the bathroom, she says,
"I'm visiting
the smallest room!"
Sure.
Weird, but sure.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know,
am I being a buzzkill?
Like, am I ruining my street
cred with all this mom energy?
Ugh.
I just feel like people are
- walking out all the...
- We should get more.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, let's head
back out there.
Oh, ladies?
- Where are you going?
- Back to the grove.
We got to get more bamboo
to patch up the platform.
- Trying to stay industrious.
- What's that old saying?
Idle hands...
Devil's work.
Okay.
L and R.
Should it be a grid system
or free form?
Oh, my God, what the fuck
is wrong with me?
Why am I acting
like a fucking hall monitor?
It's nice.
You just care is all.
I know.
It's disgusting.
I think the whole...
death-by-tree scare
really got under my skin.
I feel like the gods
are mad at us.
Maybe we should do something
to appease them,
like sacrifice a virgin.
I'm obviously not a candidate.
So you're saying I would be?
No.
No, I was being funny.
Whatever.
Martha, I didn't mean...
Wow.
This is bold.
Stealing shit
in broad daylight.
You know, I hate to break it
to you, babe,
but you're not a ninja, okay?
You're like 6'10" and you have
gorgeous, eye-catching hair.
I wasn't stealing.
This stuff is communal.
Is your name
on that bottle?
Oh.
Honestly, what an intriguing
little twist.
You know, I had you down
as more of a White Claw
and Natty Lite with the crew
type of guy, but pills?
It's very edgy.
You know, very...
Fuck off, Taylor!
They're not, like, fun pills.
They're for, like...
Oh, go on.
Huh.
A little honesty and, uh,
I might be less inclined
to make this a thing.
It's for my dick, all right?
My dick's been burning
like fire for days,
and I sort of thought
antibiotics might help.
I sort of got wasted
at a party a while back
and got up to some shit
with this girl, and, uh...
Round of applause,
you sloppy, sloppy boy.
Or should I say le clap?
Hey, isn't slut-shaming one
of the billion things
you marched against?
'Cause that's exactly
what you did to me just there.
Uh, no.
I'm shaming you for being
a dumbass who didn't bag it.
I really fucking hate you,
you know?
Like, I thought
I could tough it out.
Three days on some bullshit
retreat and we'd be done.
But now we're here,
and I got to look at your
smug fucking face every day.
And that attitude you're
always walking around with,
like you're
so fucking superior,
like you've always
got the moral...
fuck, what's the word?
The ledge, the fuckin'...
the upper ledge.
The moral high ground.
Yes.
Yeah.
Course you got it
on the tip of your tongue,
'cause you think
you live there 24/7,
but you don't, man.
That shit you pulled back home,
that wasn't moral high ground
shit, dog, not even close.
Kirin.
Hey!
Ugh, jeez.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, dude.
What are you up to?
- Me time.
- All right, well,
you think you could circle
back to camp, take a break?
A bunch of us were
gonna talk strategy
in case that thing
does comes back.
Submission is
the only strategy.
We just take our place
in the natural order of things
and let it have its way
with us.
Henry, Henry, stop.
You can't keep
acting like this, man.
Okay, it's one thing to mope
because Mom and Dad
took over the living room
to drink wine
and get horny
watching The Notebook.
Yeah, "Mom."
Jesus Christ, I can...
I can call her that.
Whoa, whoa, hey.
Hear me out.
Your whole
hardcore morbid vibe,
when we're in the real world,
it's whatever, okay?
It's harmless.
Well, it did get you sent
on this shit show, but...
Yeah, do you get a chub every
time you remind me of that?
Would you just fucking listen?
It... it's different here,
in this place.
We're all scared.
We're all low.
We can't have
your death lord schtick
just dragging us even lower.
You know what I wonder
about a lot?
Does she actually like
that you call her Mom?
Or does she just allow it
out of pity?
'Cause your own mom didn't
want to be one...
...or at least not one to you.
Fucking bitch-ass pussy.
Are you out of your mind?
Are you trying
to fucking kill me?
No, Henry, the opposite.
I just want...
I just wanted you to see.
To see what?
A psychotic at work?
See how badly you want
to fucking live.
Which... which is very badly,
by the looks of it.
You left welts.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm so fucking sorry.
This energy, this clawing
for survival energy.
This is what I fucking need
from you right now.
Okay, this is life
and fucking death.
It's not a schtick, you know?
I... I know, I know.
I know.
I know.
You just...
you just got to be careful,
you know, man, like,
with the darkness levels.
Not everyone can handle it.
I'm sorry too, for what I said.
And for the welts.
It's okay.
We're... we're family.
Agh!
This forced submersion,
just how violent was it?
Like I said, I didn't see it.
I only heard about it,
you know, after
some other shit went down.
Was there another event
involving either of them
that brought this account
to light?
Why don't ask him about it?
Ask who?
Henry?
Or Seth?
It's not really for me to say.
All things considered,
they should've been
the closest two on the island.
Mm.
Goes to show, I guess.
Share a roof,
share some parents,
that's not what
makes someone tight.
Well, what does,
would you say?
Not yet.
Not yet, not yet.
- Caffeinating.
- All right,
well, drink it now,
'cause I don't think it's gonna
fit in the cup holder
and I don't want you spilling.
- What else you got?
- Oh, man,
look, I set us up, okay?
Snacks on snacks on snacks.
Scotty, I said
nothing that crumbs.
Yo, relax.
Go time?
♪ Wake up
your young heart ♪
♪ Feel the beat ♪
♪ We're living in the moment ♪
♪ Like a masterpiece ♪
♪ Are you ready
for what's out there? ♪
♪ A thousand stars shining ♪
♪ Lights all clear ♪
♪ I see it... ♪♪
♪ Gloria! ♪
♪ Gloria ♪
♪ I think they got
your number! ♪
♪ Gloria! ♪
♪ I think
they got the alias ♪
♪ Gloria! ♪
How much time we got?
Two minutes maybe.
They just got
off the interstate.
All right, all the time
in the world, baby.
Scotty, wait.
He'll find 'em inside.
Come on, around back.
- Hey, you sure about this?
- Yeah.
Nobody else comes
in here really.
It's just me
for the lawn stuff.
Home free, man!
You know, one day
when we're titans of industry,
we're gonna be telling
this story at some, like,
Forbes conference or something,
you know,
like, the tale of our...
our humble beginnings.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
- I mean...
- Fuck!
It's... it's not that bad.
You know, may...
maybe they won't even notice.
Are you kidding, man?
I'm fucked, dude!
- Fuck.
- Okay, uh,
Bo, Bo, calm down, okay?
Uh, this shit's on me.
I... I can fix this.
No, no, dude, I should've
double-checked everything.
Just...
Scotty, just go home, man.
Nah, listen to me.
Um... oh, my aunt,
she taught me this trick.
Uh, do you have a blow dryer?
Yeah.
Shit.
Here.
Okay, okay, here we go.
Now watch.
Scotty,
it's not working, man.
It's gonna work, all right?
It's all about the heat.
Hey, dude,
I think they're pulling up.
Uh, go... go get me a towel.
It worked.
It worked.
We did it.
We really did that shit.
We found our power alley,
our fucking thrive zone.
I had no idea
that constant manual labor
could be so,
like, cleansing.
You know those signs that
they have in factories that say
"X number of days have passed
without physical injury"?
- No.
- Well, if I had one
that counted the number
of hours since my last
neurotic thought,
I would be at, like, a hundred.
This kind of makes me
want to be a carpenter.
- Like, fuck a diving career.
- Fuck it.
Just set me up with a level
and a hammer.
I'd be building real shit.
You know,
in a constant flow state,
too busy, too tired
to get in my head about life.
- Like Jesus.
- Yeah,
but without the lame
messiah stuff,
you know, just...
just carpentry.
You'd be
such a hot carpenter.
- Thank you.
- What should we do
with all these leftover pieces?
Uh, that's a good question.
Rachel.
No. No.
- Rachel.
- I don't know... no.
Rachel, in ten minutes,
we will be done
with all of this and we'll
have nothing left to do.
Do you really want to stare
down the barrel of that gun?
Are you imagining
someone's face
when you're doing that?
Because I feel like
it might be my face,
because I was
a real jackass back there.
No.
Not you.
Yes, bitch, snipe that shit.
I actually don't
need company right now.
I know.
Like, maybe it's best you go.
Okay.
Martha, if you're
holding on to something
and you're sick
of being alone with it...
...I'm around.
Like, if it's about sex maybe.
Literally everything
about it terrifies me.
Yeah, I guess I... I guess
I've been kind of lucky.
I've only really experienced
the lighter side of it.
For the most part.
But I know that
there's a dark side out there.
And if it came for you,
I'm really fucking sorry.
I'm gonna throw
something out there,
and feel free to tell me
to fuck off.
But there might be something
that you could try
that would help
bring this thing
that's making you sad
into the light.
What?
I'll give you a super
user-friendly tutorial.
Hell, I'll try it with you.
Not with you-with you,
but still together, you know?
This is fuckin' stupid.
I don't know why we're hiding
out like a bunch of bitches
on this stupid ledge.
I thought you said moving
the food would be enough.
I'm amending
my former statement.
If we really want to protect
ourselves, it's safer to assume
that the beach camp will
be the target tonight.
Predators don't forget
their marks that quickly.
Are we really
taking him seriously?
You know this is just
his Johnny Raincloud bullshit
jumping out,
exaggerating how fucked we are.
I don't know, man.
Henry seems to know his shit.
Hey, how many badges did
you earn back in the Scouts?
96 merit badges...
...including wildlife patterns
and defense.
I have expertise... Karen.
I believe that's
what's jumping out.
Whoa!
Oh, shit.
Yeah, so head on back to camp
if you want, Kirin.
We're not gonna argue
with 96 badges.
We'll be here.
Help me up.
Whew.
This is probably my trick-ass
brain getting all,
like, creative on me,
but I feel
like I still smell food.
I bet it's me.
My pores really express
what I've eaten
and lately
it's been all that Spam.
Well, I don't hate it, Joshua.
You doing all right, Bo?
Yeah.
You want to take my spot?
There's a little
bit more space...
No, no, no, it's... it's okay.
I'm... I'm used
to being scrunched up.
- Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa!
We got you.
You're good.
And you're definitely taking
my spot, there's a ton more...
No, no.
Maybe later.
I got to go pee now.
Can't you just
pee off the side?
It's gonna be a real pain
getting up and down.
Yeah, that would be wise.
Human piss is actually
a natural animal repellent.
Hm.
Okay.
You sure he's all right?
Yeah, yeah.
He's just a neat freak.
You know, he...
he needs his privacy.
But, um, just in case,
I'll go check on him.
Bo, stop!
Where are you going, bro?
I can't do this, man.
Look, I'm putting it back.
Don't... yo, yo.
Yo, put the brakes on, bro.
We... we can't just bury it
somewhere or something?
Scotty, it is not, like,
me and you versus
everybody anymore, okay?
We are with them.
You really think they're
not gonna make a fucking U-turn
and... and drop you
when you need it most?
You know better than that, man.
They are not gonna
do that, okay?
See, that right there?
That kind of mentality
is how you end up really
fucking disappointed in people.
Yeah, so kind of
like how I am now.
You want to talk
about how that made you feel?
How long had
you two been friends?
Nine years maybe.
Yeah, yeah, nine.
It's like, um...
It's, like, a combination
of dumb shit and real shit
makes you boys with someone.
You know,
Marvel vs Capcom at GameTime.
Or double cheese fries
at Jerry's.
Or fucking losing it
when our physics teacher
says "gaseous particles."
That kind of dumb shit.
And what was the real?
The real shit?
Like the actual, factual shit
holding us together?
Mm-hmm.
It was what we knew
about people.
Namely?
That they're out
to fuck you over.
And if either of us was
about to start softening up
on that outlook,
I'm surprised it was Bo
who did it first.
Why was that?
'Cause he got it taught
real early
from the ones you're not
supposed to learn it from.
Ha-ha!
The T-shirts all sold.
We did it.
We moved all the merch.
Last one just sold
for a premium, baby.
- Nice.
- All right,
after shipping, that's, like,
$275 apiece.
- Apiece?
- Apiece!
Let's get this shit
packed up, okay?
Hey, we clear?
Yeah.
- Ah, fuck!
- No!
Shit!
Ahh!
Goddamn it!
Fuck!
Agh!
The good mower's fucked!
We put the boxes
over the drain!
We must've stopped it up.
Bo!
The hell are you doing?
You know, you should really
be wearing long sleeves.
Open skin is just an invite
for malaria, dengue fever...
Shelby, can you try to chill?
Pants too, a high sock and
a long pant anytime you're...
Shelby, stop,
you've been like this all day.
What the hell
is wrong with you?
What?
I'm just suggesting
a few safety measures
is all.
The tree.
You're thinking about the tree.
It keeps...
it keeps falling.
In my head, it keeps...
it keeps
almost taking you
away from me and...
Hey, hey.
I'm not going anywhere.
But yeah, I...
I get it.
You know, like, the white-hot
fear of losing me, I get that.
I'm pretty fucking great.
- Shut up.
- I mean,
how can you ask me to cover
all this flyness?
Are you really trying
to put me in pants,
sleeves, and a high sock?
Mm, no, I changed...
I changed my mind about that.
♪ April, come she will ♪
♪ When streams are ripe
and swelled with rain ♪
♪ May, she will stay ♪
♪ Resting in my arms again ♪
♪ June,
she'll change her tune ♪
♪ In restless walks,
she'll prowl the night ♪
♪ July, she will fly ♪
♪ And give no warning
to her flight ♪
♪ August, die she must ♪
♪ The autumn winds blow
chilly and cold ♪
♪ September, I'll remember ♪
♪ A love once new
has now grown old ♪♪
This, uh...
...sucks.
Was... was, um...
was that an Italian accent?
Were... were you doing,
like, Luigi?
Like, um, like,
"This-a sucks-a"?
No.
I was just pausing.
Like, "Uh."
Uh.
Hm, that's-a...
that's-a too-a bad-a.
Because-a for-a once I thought
you were doing
something adorable-a.
Well...
...this-a does-a suck.
This-a suck-a big-a time!
Okay.
It's-a my turn!
This-a hard-a-ass-a stone
is-a killing-a my-a butt!
We-a were-a better
on the beach-a.
What was that?
Was that Jamaican?
Italiano
via English via Español.
Unlike you, Chicago, I happen
to be a citizen of the world.
- Ah-ha.
- I heard your mom's ass
is a citizen of the world.
- Oh!
- Ooh!
- Wow.
- Meaning that your mother's
ass is very well-traveled,
by other people.
She's, like, promiscuous.
Oh, no, dude,
the joke landed.
You don't need
to over-explain it.
Raf, are you really gonna let
this little buttmunch talk
about your mom like that?
And we've reached the
homophobic part of the evening.
Congratulations, everybody.
The hell do you mean
"homophobic"?
"Buttmunch?"
Buttmunch isn't homophobic.
- Anyone can munch a butt.
- It's rooted in homophobia.
And as the only gay man here,
perhaps you should defer
to my take on this.
How do you know
you're the only gay man here?
I could be closeted.
Your assumptions
about my sexuality are...
...very offensive, Ivan.
Mm.
Hmm.
Yeah, I'm sorry, you're right.
No, yeah, you totally could've
gotten the clap from a guy,
or someone residing elsewhere
on the gender spectrum.
Oh.
Oh, I'll bring the group
up to speed.
Kirin here has gonorrhea.
I caught him stealing
some of Josh's meds for it.
Shit, Kirin.
I mean, I feel for you, dude,
but you probably
should've asked first.
Yeah, man, I...
I could've helped.
I actually love
talking dosages.
It's embarrassing, all right?
And you...
you and your fucking
"lips are sealed" bullshit.
You know, for a second,
I actually
thought you were gonna be cool.
That was before
you disrespected who I am.
- My bad.
- Fuck you!
I actually am a buttmunch.
Like... like, literally.
- What?
- No, it... it's true.
Um, Maggie, um,
on teen tour last summer,
um, I... I munched her butt.
She asked me to do it.
So, I dove right in,
nose first.
You know, I... I would be lying
if I said that
I wouldn't do it again.
Because I would.
I would venture forth and...
and dive my nose
into her butt region...
very deep
and exploratively-like.
I'm gonna pee my pants.
Do it.
Drain it right here,
tried-and-true beast deterrent.
Bo missed out.
This is a rush.
Scotty, I know
you're back there.
Can you please
just walk with me?
- No.
- Come on, man.
Having you behind me
keeps freaking me out.
Can't do it.
We're in a fight right now.
All right.
Well, you'll forgive me
for putting the food back.
I really think you will.
Okay, that wasn't me.
Wait there.
Um, the cliff where the rest of
the guys are is just up ahead.
So we should run
like last time.
I don't know.
False alarm maybe.
- Fuck! Go, go!
- Come on!
Run!
Go!
Go, it's behind us!
Oh, fuck.
- Fuck!
- Fuck, fuck!
It's behind us!
Scotty, come on!
- Come on, grab it!
- Oh, my God!
Go, go, go!
Scotty, you got it, you got it!
Up, up, up.
I got you, I got you.
- Come on.
- Go, go, go, go!
Come on!
Hurry!
It's coming!
Go!
- Bo!
- Bo, come on!
It's working!
Get out of here!
I got you, I got you, come on!
Bo, Bo, Bo, come on!
Up, up, up!
I got you, I got you!
- Come on!
- Come on!
- Come on, Bo!
- Come on, come on, come on!
Attention, everyone.
Sit down, please.
Please, sit.
Settle in, order a drink,
'cause, baby,
we're here to entertain you.
- What are you doing?
- Um...
- What was that?
- Yeah, no, I don't know.
I just went into this lounge
singer thing and I don't...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I don't know why.
What fresh hell?
Uh, no lip
from the cheap seats, okay?
No matter how shitty this is,
we practiced it for two hours.
It was more like three.
Rachel got really intense.
Let's just do this.
Two, a one, two, three.
Is it just me
or are they not bad?
She's flat, but fuck me.
♪ Alabama, Arkansas ♪
♪ I do love my Ma and Pa,
not the way... ♪
♪ That I do love you ♪
♪ Well, holy moly, me oh my,
you're the apple of my eye ♪
♪ Girl,
I never loved one like you ♪
♪ Oh, home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is wherever
I'm with you ♪
♪ Oh, home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is whenever I'm
with you ♪
♪ Home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is whenever I'm
with you ♪
♪ Oh, home, let me come home ♪
♪ Home is when I'm alone
with you ♪
♪ Home, let me come home... ♪
This is, like, the most
perfect moment of my life.
♪ Ah, home, yes I am home ♪
♪ Home is when I'm alone
with you ♪♪
You know how sometimes you can
want something so bad,
like you can be praying
for it real hard...
...and then it finally comes.
But it's like,
it's not right.
Like, it came at the wrong
time or in the wrong way.
And you're left thinking,
shit...
God's kind of a motherfucker,
you know?
I mean, just like this, right?
I used to pray all the time,
every night before bed,
every Sunday in church,
you know,
that I'd get a Jaguar one day.
It's like, goddamn, Lord,
this is not what I meant.
We got to give it up
for the others, though.
They came through.
Yeah.
Yeah, they did.
I'm sorry, Bo.
Probably don't
tell you that enough.
Don't be.
I'm the one who can't run fast.
Yeah, but it's my fault
you even had to.
It's my fault we're even here.
Hey.
That shit's on my record too.
I'm proud of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, we can be savage, huh?
You know what's really
messed up though?
Hmm?
When that thing attacked,
we didn't have any food on us.
I... I guess it didn't matter.
Hmm.
Guess not.
You ever feel like you were
up against something,
like, relentless?
Like, no matter what you did
to try and get on a come up,
it was always gonna be there
to slap you back down...
...making sure you knew
you could never win.
What's this?
It's my old house.
We lived here
till I was, like, seven.
It's nice.
I mean, really nice.
Yeah.
It's a real-ass house,
that's what it is.
I didn't have to share a room
with anybody.
Didn't have to listen to porn
coming through my
neighbor's wall every night.
I come to remember what I lost,
what I want to be again.
It's for sale.
Damn.
Maybe the bank got
these folks too.
Hey, come on.
They took this place from us.
It's just you and me, Bo.
Just you and me.
Ah!
Ahh!
Wakey fuckin' wakey!
Me and Bo have been thinking.
That cat is gonna keep coming
until we stop it.
And it ain't no one-man
or two-man or...
it's not even a seven-man job.
It's gonna take all of us,
together.
So come on!
Get up!
What the fuck
are y'all waiting for?
We got a jag to kill.
Beep-beep,
coming through.