The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 1, Episode 27 - The Night of the Murderous Spring - full transcript

Wowee.

Gosh.

Don't break it.

Need a hand with
this bag, ma'am?

Sir, I don't know you.

The very idea.

Wow.

I want a room...

A big one.

Yes, ma'am.

And you mind your tongue.



It's Miss...

Miss Kitten Twitty.

Yes, Miss Twitty.

Thank you.

Well, well?

Kitten...

Twitty.

Well, don't just stand there.

Get my key.

Oh, yes, the key.

Yes, ma'am.

About time.

Excuse me, ma'am, may I help?

Looks heavy.



Well, that's very kind of you.

It is awfully heavy

and me just out of the hospital.

Thank you.

Whoo! Be careful, careful.

It's got my French
perfumes... very fragile.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

I'm in room eight.

My, I hope it's safe here.

Oh, it is safe.

I'm in room nine.

Oh, that's right next to mine.

I wonder what the period's for.

Oh, this is a lovely room.

Where would you
like me to, uh...

Oh, over on the bed.

Fine.

That's very sweet of you.

Right up there.

Be careful now.

They're very fragile.

Thank you.

Oh, that's so nice of you.

This is a nice room, isn't it?

Won't you sit down?

Oh, no, thank you.

I was just on my
way across the street

to get some shaving soap.

Well, maybe we can visit later.

Maybe.

Toodle-oo.

Bye.

♪ ...livelong day ♪

♪ I've been working
on the railroad ♪

♪ Just to pass the time away ♪

♪ Don't you hear the... ♪

♪ Rise up so early
in the morning ♪

♪ Can't you hear
the captain shouting ♪

♪ "Dinah, blow your..." ♪

♪ "Dinah, blow your..." ♪

♪ "Dinah, blow your..." ♪

♪ "Dinah, blow your horn" ♪

♪ "Dinah, won't you blow" ♪

♪ "Dinah, won't you blow" ♪

♪ "Dinah, won't you..." ♪

He's coming, he's coming.

No, no, don't get up.

You're not supposed
to stand on your leg

any more than you have to.

That's why I brought
the wheelchair for you.

Are you quite sure
he needed a shave?

Oh, yes.

And I fixed the water just
the way you told me to.

Hmm.

Then we're all ready
for him, aren't we?

Mmm.

Oh, Kitten,

the things that are going
to happen to his mind

are fantastic.

The strange things he'll see.

I've just shoved
him through a door

into a world without
rhyme or reason.

His eyes will believe

what his mind
tells him to believe

and, oh, what his mind will say.

Just imagine...

Now I'm finally powerful enough

to control the mind

of the invincible James West.

Those whom the
gods will destroy,

they first make mad.

Ooh.

Shh...

Sorry.

Come here.

Kitten, do you know
what's about to happen?

Something so vast as to
stagger the imagination.

Alexander the Great,
Caesar, Napoleon,

all the great conquests of
history... mere child's play

compared to what I've
just started in that room

with a shaving brush.

Now...

With the two ounces I just put

into his washbasin
a few minutes ago,

he's had the maximum dose

and he'll have no
further need for this...

for a while, anyway.

Oh, Kitten.

It's so amusing...

The way men pride
themselves on being civilized.

But just four ounces of
this, mixed with water,

absorbed through the skin,
and good-bye, adieu, ta-ta

to all that veneer
of civilization

they prize so highly.

Dissolved.

And what emerges is
the true nature of man...

The primitive, murderous
animal he really is,

with absolutely no
control over his feelings...

A selfish beast.

I wanted a candy, Kitten,
and you've eaten all of them.

Now, I had my heart set on a...

Ooh... fudge!

Fudge, fudge!

Fudge!

Well, my dear friend.

Ha'penny for your thoughts.

Now, don't spoil it, Mr. West.

You're so impulsive.

Now, here we
are, two old friends

who haven't seen each other

for such a long time, and
you want to fight right off.

Not even a hello, Mr. West?

I, for one, am
overjoyed to see you.

So much so that perhaps
I shan't even kill you

right at this moment.

I'll wait ten seconds
or so, perhaps.

Time enough for me to sit
here and enjoy your company.

Ten precious seconds.

What seems to be
the trouble, partner?

Did you see him?

Where'd he go?

I didn't see nothing

except you come
barging out of the hotel

with your shooting
iron in your hand.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Nothing?

He must be crazy.

Nothing?

Huh?

Hey, Jim.

Just let me get my bags, huh?

Would you mind punching me?

Well, I'd be happy to oblige.

Tell me why.

I just want to be sure I'm here.

You're here.

You all right?

Why?

You know, you look, uh... pale.

Naw, it's just a headache,
a bad headache.

I'll tell you about
it in the room.

It's next to mine.

Yeah. You sure you're okay?

I'm not sure of anything.

I told you not to
jump up and down.

Oh, Kitten, forget about that.

Now, to make a man
kill the thing he loves,

that requires genius.

And I know what's
going to happen, Kitten.

I've tested it, I
can predict it.

Tonight, the good
and loyal Mr. West

will shoot his best
friend, Mr. Gordon...

and kill him.

Three times we've caught him,

and each time he's
managed to get away.

Just doesn't seem
to be a jail built

strong enough to hold him.

And just when we think
we've got him nailed,

boom, up he pops somewhere else.

As a result, you're
obsessed with him, that's all.

Got him on your mind constantly;

you see him everywhere,
I can understand it.

All right, so I'm seeing things.

This, uh, poster that you got

with this note
written on the back...

"Meet me at 8:00 in the
abandoned shed behind the stables

and I'll turn
Dr. Loveless over to you."

Artie, I know what it says.

I, uh, had the
handwriting analyzed, Jim.

It was written by none other
than the little doctor himself.

Why don't I go get a doctor?

No.

I'm all right.

No, I'm not all right.

We're not going to
go to that shed tonight

with me like
this... It's too risky.

If it was anybody else, I'd go,

but Dr. Loveless
isn't anybody else.

Tell you what,

I'll go over there right now

and take a look;
you get some rest.

Okay, I'll go with you.

No, what for?

The rest will do you good.

I said I'll go with you.

You're sure?

All right.

Jim?

Aren't you forgetting something?

Hold it, Jim.

Hold it!

Why are you running?

He could already
be in there waiting.

You're right.

It would be like him to
think ten steps ahead.

Well...

he's got to come
through this door,

and we'll be waiting for him.

One of us should
stay all afternoon...

in case he comes early.

I'll do it.

You go on back to the hotel,

take care of that headache.

Artie!

What is it?

Nothing.

Listen...

go on back to
the hotel, will you?

I'll wait here for Loveless.

Call it off, you
can't do it alone.

Says who?

I'll be fine.

You can't do it alone;
you'll need help.

Jim, you're in no
condition to stay.

Then you wait until I'm ready!

And let Loveless get away?

What do you want to be, a hero?

Hey... it's me, remember?

Artemus Gordon,
Mrs. Gordon's son.

I'm sorry.

For a moment, Artie, you...
it was almost like I hated you.

Yeah, sure.

Come on, I'll walk
you back to the hotel.

Jim...

put out that lantern.

Is that an order?

What's the matter with you?

You want him to spot us?

Put out that lantern.

Get down!

Jim?

He's out there.

You want to get shot?!

We'll wait for him.

When he comes in, we'll get him.

Get out of my way.

I am not letting you out of here

in this state.

I said get out of my way.

No.

Why?

Call the sheriff; I
just killed my friend.

His name's Artemus Gordon.

He got off the
stage this morning.

What are you talking about?

There was no stage this morning.

It doesn't come in
till tomorrow morning.

What are you talking about?

I met the stage myself.

I saw him.

He's got the room next to mine.

Believe me, there was no
stagecoach in this morning.

Uh, your friend isn't here.

I've got his room
down for tomorrow.

Look for yourself.

He isn't dead, is he?

No, but he'll soon
wish he were dead.

But we won't let him
die, will we, Kitten?

Not for a long, long time.

Oh, how he's
going to beg for it.

Whoa!

Mr. Gordon?

Yeah.

Well, I'm the hotel clerk here.

Uh, it's about your friend.

Uh, is anything wrong?

Well, maybe we'd
better talk inside.

Yeah.

All right, something
is wrong, what is it?

Well, a lady, uh,
a Miss Kitty Twitty

took your friend to
the hospital last night.

Why, is he hurt?

No, sir, it's worse than that.

What do you mean?

Well, he went mad.

What?

Yeah, stark-raving mad.

He was running around
out there in the street

and a-waving his gun
and talking to himself.

And then he comes
rushing in here last night

and he tried to tell
me that he killed...

Killed who?

Well, he claimed
that he killed you.

Me?

Yeah.

Oh, excuse me, I got to tend

to these folks first.

I'll be right back.

There is no escape, Mr. West.

Ultimately, we
are all prisoners,

are we not, Mr. West?

Because we cannot
escape ourselves.

Stone walls are
never so much a prison

as the skin that
surrounds each of us.

Man's fate.

My friend there is a deaf-mute.

That's his prison.

But for you...

some sherry.

It will do you good.

It's safe.

I imagine you're
bursting with questions.

You'll tell me.

How can you be so sure?

Because I know you.

You're always talking...

about yourself.

Bragging.

That's preposterous.

I'm not a petty man.

I'm a scientist.

I've trained, disciplined myself
to be serenely dispassionate.

To accuse me of bragging...

you may as well accuse
the sun of being egocentric

because it shines.

Mm-hmm.

Really, you can be
quite exasperating.

What kind of remark
is that? "Mm-hmm."

I'm not quite sure
why I put up with you.

Because you need me.

I need you?

Now who's being egocentric?

I don't need you.

I don't need anyone.

I have myself.

You were an experiment only.

And the experiment... succeeded.

Beautifully.

But I can discard
you any time I wish.

Aren't you even curious
about the experiment?

No.

Not even if I should tell you

that with it, I can own
America... all of it?

No.

Not even if I should tell you

that with it, I can kill every man,
woman and child in America?

No.

That's what I am going to do...

Kill every man, woman
and child in America.

Now, what do you think of that?

Here... let me help
you up the stairs, may I?

Oh...

Our visiting hours
are over, Mr. Gordon.

But I think, for you, we
can make an exception.

Jim!

Hey, Artie.

Is that really you?

Yeah, in the
badly bruised flesh.

Who were you expecting,
President Grant?

But... but I thought I shot you.

You've done a lot of
things to me in your time,

but you never
got around to that.

Hey, what's the matter?

I remember.

That great experiment
Dr. Loveless was talking about.

He did it... to me.

Hallucinations.

He made me think
that I shot you.

And he's planning to use it

on every man and
woman in this country...

Make them kill each other.

Isn't that kind of a big order,

even for Loveless?

But it worked!

It worked on me.

It nearly drove
me out of my mind.

Yeah, but everybody?

Millions of people?

Ah... how?

I don't know.

But we're going to find out.

When he talks to you,
don't pay any attention,

and then he'll
tell us everything.

Well, Mr. Doubting Thomas,
now that your friend is here,

perhaps I can show
you a few things.

No.

I'm not interested.

Well, then be interested.

Oh, no, you're
not going to tell us

about another one

of those silly
inventions of yours.

Silly?

Yes.

I'll show you.

Here we go.

Kitten, mix that
with some of that.

Now, be careful you don't
get any on your hands.

Some of my powder that I used

to mix in his shaving
water yesterday morning.

You know what happened to you.

Perhaps you would like
to be convinced, huh?

Hold out your hand.

All right.

It can work on Artie.

What does it prove?

You made one of
your usual boasts.

You said it could work on
everybody... millions of people.

That's preposterous.

It's not preposterous.

I can show you how it'll work
on large groups of people.

Kitten...

the wine the staff is
having for supper tonight...

Mix that in it.

But, Doctor,

we can't... we...

Never mind.

I'll do it myself.

It goes very well
with wine, you know.

You'll find out for
yourselves at supper tonight.

Kitten...

how many people on this staff?

Twenty.

20 men and women...

just like that,
to prove a point.

He doesn't mean it.

He's... he's just
trying to scare you.

But they're all loyal to him.

He knows that.

He just wants
to kill the others.

The others... includes you.

No.

No.

You don't understand.

He love... he likes me.

He... he's promised
to make me...

make me pretty.

Loyalty doesn't mean
a thing to him, Kitten.

Please believe
me... you're next!

What are you doing in here?

I thought you'd be
in the dining room.

It'd be great sport,

watching 20 men and women

tear themselves apart.

He's only playing with you,

having his little joke.

He wouldn't do
a thing like that.

Things are going
right on schedule.

You'll see, Mr. Doubting Thomas.

Look at him, Artie.

Men are about to
murder each other.

Look at him over
there with Antoinette.

Like a couple of turtle doves.

You know, uh, she may be

the only thing in the world

that he really cares about.

Well, she is very pretty.

Mmm.

♪ Lullaby and good night... ♪

Let's eat.

♪ With roses bedight ♪

♪ With lilies bestead
is baby's wee bed ♪

♪ Lay thee down
now and rest... ♪

♪ ...now and rest,
may thy slumber... ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ May thy slumber be blessed. ♪

You are invincible.

Is there anything you cannot do,

are there any worlds you
cannot make to live in?

No, none.

The world I wish for is
the world I shall have.

You have spoken.

Kitty, the door, please.

You may have to clean
up a bit of mess, dear.

This is too solemn a
moment for gloating, Mr. West.

I feel no wish to boast.

Do you know what tomorrow is?

No.

The end of winter.

Tomorrow, everywhere
except in the breast of man,

the chill will begin to thaw.

Small things, so fragile,
will be born again.

So much promise.

And by the end of spring,

the promise will have flowered.

Mr. West, you cannot know
the deep hurt one can feel

when the seed cannot
reach its full flowering.

For in the summer, man comes.

Man comes to crush and maim

and kill all that spring
has given birth to.

So summer must
not come, nor man.

Man must be destroyed.

But there are millions of
people in the country... how?

Why, the water, Mr. West,

the water from
which all life comes,

and from which now
death must come.

There are ponds and lakes

all over this area.

My friend here... and his
friends... thousands of them...

Come here every winter.

Tomorrow, they will
return to their homes,

their hills and ponds and lakes

all over America.

Each one will carry

a pellet of my powder.

The pellet will melt,

bringing death into every home.

The world will be

made innocent again.

The world?

Other people in other countries

also use water, Mr. West.

I intend to travel.

And, uh, when do we get killed?

Oh, soon.

Don't be impatient.

You know, he has
really gone insane.

Artie, you look a little peaked.

How about a snack?

I appreciate your concern.

Right now, I'd rather
worry about Dr. Loveless.

Worry and eat.

We need a weapon, don't we?

What are you going to do,

choke him to death on a bone?

Something like that.

Well, fortunately, I
never get enough turkey.

Would you mind telling
me what you've got in mind?

Oh, just an idea.

I need a little
time to work it out.

You wouldn't have
any giblet gravy

in your pocket, would you?

Ever kill a man
with giblet gravy?

That's the best
turkey I ever ate.

That ought to be sharp enough.

That's perfect.

Load it, Artie.

Easy on the
suspenders, friend, huh?

That's the only pair I've got.

Hope they fit.

I'll be back for the rest
of you in a few minutes!

Don't want to leave
anyone out... not one!

Today is for all of us!

It's useless to try
and shoot this lock off.

Kitten!

Kitten, come here.

Kitten, you've got
to let us out of here.

We have to stop him.

Oh, he only wants to make
the world beautiful again.

How, by killing people...
His own friends?

He didn't do it.

They killed each other.

The medicine only made
them what they really are... evil.

He's the one that's evil.

He doesn't just hate people.

He hates life itself.

Well, can you blame
the poor little one?

I know he can do it.

He can do an operation.

He can make pretty faces,

and pretty bodies where
there was only ugliness before.

He said it to me.

"I know, Kitten.

"I know what it's like to
have men laugh at you.

I don't ever want that to
happen to you again," he said.

I believe him!

He knows what it's like.

All right, he can do all that.

But what good is
it being beautiful

when there's nobody
around to notice it, Kitten?

The men send
flowers, gifts, jewelry.

And with their strong arms

and their kisses.

You're entitled to love.

And a man of your own picking.

Dead.

All murdered by him.

We've got to stop him, Kitten.

You can't let him
kill all your admirers.

Kitten, open the door.

I won't!

No, I won't do it!

You can't make me do it!

I love him.

I love what he is.

I love him, do you hear?

He knows what heartbreak is.

He knows what loneliness is.

He knows what it
is to live with a hurt

that nature herself can't undo.

Kitten, what have you done?

I've betrayed him!

I've betrayed him!

Ooh, soon you'll
own the skies now

and the ponds and the lakes.

Never again will danger
lurk in weeds and rushes.

And marshes will be safe again.

No loud violence from
iron and steel and powder.

No sad plummetings
from the dawn skies.

No piteous scattering of
feathers in the dawn wind.

The evil will be
destroyed, I promise you!

I promise this to all of you!

A world without man.

Man... that ape

who pretends to be
descended from the angels.

We'll have to grab him.

He may be armed.

And in his insatiable
hunger for power,

he creates gods
in his own image...

Mind you, in his own image,

and chooses to call
the universe benevolent.

What arrogance!

Where is there benevolence

when even a small,
helpless, trusting,

new life can be
twisted heartlessly

and condemned
to pain and ridicule?

We are all born trusting.

We are all born with hope.

And what happens?

It is a vicious
universe, I tell you.

But with one move of
my hand on this lever,

I send you forth to
rid the world of evil.

Now...

Loveless!

Get away from that!

Stay where you are, Mr. West.

If you shoot me, my
hand will move this lever,

and the cages will open
at once... all of them...

And there will be no
stopping these ducks.

Artie, I can't hold it!

Quickly! Our escape must be now!

Hurry, Miguelito...
The boat in the lake!

Hurry!

I think that's it.

Let's go!

Do you think they can swim?

There's only one
way to find out.

I'm afraid, Miguelito!

I'm afraid of the water!

Antoinette can't
swim, and neither can I.

Can you help us?

Can you save us?

Please, you've got to.

No, I can't swim, either.

I'm afraid, Miguelito!

I'm afraid to die!

Don't worry, my darling.

Everything will be all right.

We shall both live forever.

It's no good.

I couldn't find a thing.

I couldn't even hit bottom.

They've been there
over ten minutes, Jim.

They're dead for sure.

Where Loveless is concerned,

I'm not sure about anything.

You just don't want
to believe it, that's all.

But he's gone.

Back to the water he
always said life came out of.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe hate is as
strong a bond as love.

What do you mean?

I'll miss him...

That little man with the giant
rage against the whole universe.

As Kitty said,

who can blame the
poor little one, huh?

Come on.