The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Night That Terror Stalked the Town - full transcript
Dr. Loveless imprisons Jim in an abandoned mining town that Loveless has "repopulated" with wax figures. There the evil scientist intends to surgically create a perfect duplicate of Jim, who will do his bidding. He plans to kill the original Jim West and use the duplicate to destroy the Secret Service and much of Washington, D.C.
Oh, Mr. West.
Mr. West.
Give me a hand.
He's dead.
Who are you, and
what are you up to?
Give me an answer, don't mumble.
Mr. West...
You're a secret service agent?
You've got to be kidding.
Colonel Richmond sent me
up from Washington to help you.
Help me? Why?
Well, when I saw
Mr. Gordon in Washington,
and learned that he would
be there for some time,
I persuaded Colonel
Richmond to send me.
Jeremy Pike has already
been assigned to me.
Well, he said you'd
find something for me.
Did he tell you what
case we were working on?
Yeah, he said you were working
on a huge opium-smuggling ring,
and that you'd been on
the case for some time.
That's right, Mr.,
um, Mr. Cranston.
Bosley Cranston.
Did he also tell you
that we haven't had
one single, solitary lead?
But then, just a few hours ago,
I spotted the
courier for the ring.
That was the break we needed.
And now he's gone.
He's gone?
Gone.
Thanks for your
help, Mr. Cranston.
Here.
I'm really sorry, Mr. West.
This is my first
field assignment.
If you hadn't told me that, I
never would have guessed.
My work has always
been in the laboratory.
We haven't, uh...
Find something?
Shouldn't we call a
policeman and report this?
I don't believe it. I
just don't believe it.
Nobody could be that stupid.
I don't mean to
minimize my mistake
in calling to Mr. West when
he was following that man,
but if you're certain
he's a courier for
the smuggling ring,
why didn't you just
take him into custody
and interrogate him?
Because of the list.
The list?
Somewhere in this
town, there's a list
of the smuggling ring's dealers
in every city in the country,
and we want to get
our hands on that list
before the ring
knows we have it.
Well, tell me how I can help.
You can help by
catching the first train
back to Washington.
Oh, no...
Oh, yes.
Please, Mr. West.
Ever since I joined the service,
I've been after Colonel
Richmond to let me go into the field.
It's not that I don't enjoy
my work in the laboratory,
because scientific inquiry
will always be my first love.
But you wouldn't believe
the staggering amounts of
paperwork connected with it.
I just couldn't take it anymore.
Uh, Jim, maybe we've been
a little too hard on Cranston.
I'll do anything I
can to stay, anything.
Just tell me what to do.
I think I've got an idea.
Yes, of course.
Cranston, my good man,
prepare yourself to go to work.
Well, what's all...
What's all this?
Reports.
Reports?
Yeah, to Washington.
Paperwork, Cranston. Paperwork.
You see, we're behind
in our paperwork.
Oh, you don't, by any chance,
know how to use
one of these, do you?
Excellent.
I hate to bother you,
but they are reports
to Washington.
Would you mind getting at them?
Thank you.
Good man.
Well, it's all well and
good to put him to work,
but what are we going to do?
We're right back
where we started.
Maybe not.
Oh?
I took it off the courier.
What would he be doing with
half of a broken poker chip?
Unless... Exactly.
And I know where to find the
other half of that poker chip.
Hey, what's all the
clucking, Charlie?
Half a poker chip's
better than none.
Hey, not so fast, doll.
Come with me, please.
My pleasure.
Get him!
Better get back to my typing.
Jim, I was getting a
little worried about you.
Take a look at this.
Shafton's Reflections on
Good and Evil, Volume 1.
First edition, published
in England in 1575.
Must be extremely valuable.
Almost priceless. But not to us.
It's not worth anything to us
unless we can break the code.
Code?
Take a good look
at one of the pages.
You see anything?
Some of the letters
are thinly underlined.
Right. Now, if we put
the letters together,
they should spell out the
names and the addresses
of the opium ring's
dealers around the country.
Should?
But they don't.
They don't make
any sense at all.
And I think I know why.
The first edition of
Shafton's Reflections
was published in two volumes.
So half the code is
in the first volume,
and the second part is in
volume two, wherever that is.
For instance, top of page 29,
"Pleasure is the chief
or sole good in life."
Now, if you'll notice,
the "p" in the word
"pleasure" is underlined.
Excuse me, Mr. Pike.
Uh, the sentence you
quoted isn't on page 29.
What?
It's on page, uh, 37.
Have you read this
book, Cranston?
No.
He's right. It's on page 37.
I thought you said you
didn't read the book.
Well, I haven't,
not in the accepted
sense of the word.
I have flipped through it.
You just flipped through it?
Yes. I have what you might
call a photographic memory.
I'm able to look
at a page of a book
and it becomes indelibly
imprinted on my mind.
That's very
interesting, Cranston.
I-I can't account for
it. It's just the way I am.
Let's see.
You tell me what you read.
Wait a minute.
Would you, uh... would
you do that again?
Okay.
Now, you ready?
Mm-hmm.
All right. Let's have it.
You want it from the beginning?
No. Page 22. Fourth
paragraph from the top.
"It was a cold, ominous
night when Hiram Harp
"arrived at the country
estate of Lord Bushnell.
"Rain was threatening.
"However, Hiram felt
under the circumstances..."
He did it. He
can actually do it.
It's nothing but a
great, little parlor trick.
It's not getting us any
closer to volume two.
Now, my plan is this:
Bosley makes a
typewritten copy of the book,
and we take a newspaper
ad offering the volume for sale.
The opium ring sees the
ad, realizes it's their book,
and they try and buy it.
And they'll want it so bad
they won't let
anybody outbid them.
Then I follow them
with the second book.
You see anything wrong in that?
I'll let you know
after I try it.
Howdy, friend.
Say, this the place they gonna
hammer down that rare book?
If you're referring to the
first edition of Shafton...
That's the one, yeah.
Well, come right on in, Mr...
Uh, Langham. Leroy Langham.
You can just call me
Longhorn. Most folks do.
Say, who are them
jaspers over there?
They're your
competitors for the book.
Competitors?
Don't look like they'd be
competition for a sick mule.
Come this way, please.
Gentlemen, may I introduce
Mr. Langham of Texas?
How'd you know I was from Texas?
Baron Kyosai of Japan,
bidding for the Daichi
Literary Museum of Tokyo.
Don Carlos de Mendoza
Garcia, Barcelona, Spain.
And Mr. Gideon
Stix of San Francisco.
Well, howdy, friend.
My pleasure, Mr. Langham.
I trust we shan't find
our friendship strained
when the bidding starts.
Isn't it time, señor?
Well, not until Mr. Langham
has had a chance to examine
the volume, Don Carlos.
As I've already told the others,
uh, I'm not the
principle in this sale,
only the agent for the owner.
Uh, who's that?
Unfortunately, I'm not at
liberty to divulge his identity.
But upon examination
of this volume,
I'm sure that you will,
as the others have,
find it to be a genuine,
first edition of volume one
of Shafton's Reflections
on Good and Evil.
Well, I'll just have to
take your word for that.
Back home in Langham, Texas,
we figure on startin'
a little ol' library.
This here book will
start us off right nice.
Uh, gentlemen?
If you are ready, we will
proceed with the bidding.
I must remind you first,
before I entertain
the first bid,
that nothing less than
$20,000 will be accepted.
May I have the first bid?
Twenty-one thousand.
Thank you.
Twenty-one
thousand, one hundred.
Can you tell which one
is from the opium ring?
We'll know soon enough.
Twenty-two thousand,
eight hundred.
Ah, Don Carlos bids 22,800.
Gracias, señor.
Twenty-five thousand.
Thirty-thousand dollars.
Thirty-one.
Forty-five thousand.
Fifty-thousand.
Fifty-one thousand.
Fifty-five thousand.
Mr. Langham has bid
$55,000. Any other bids?
Mr. Stix?
I'm afraid this
is a bit too rich
for my blood and my pocket book.
All I can bid you,
gentlemen, is good evening.
Good evening, Mr. Stix.
Thank you for coming.
One down, three to go.
I bid 60,000.
I bid...
Seventy-thousand dollars.
Don Carlos?
Gracias. I, too, must retire.
Buenos noches, caballeros.
Buenos noches.
Well, there goes another one.
Seventy-six thousand.
Eighty thousand.
Have a listen.
I need my glasses.
Baron?
My principle, the
Daichi Literary Museum
has authorized me to
go as high as $100,000,
No higher.
I now enter that bid.
Mr. Langham?
One hundred and ten thousand.
Mr. West, it's over.
The book's been sold.
The Texan.
There's sure gonna be
some mighty happy folks
back in Langham.
I paid good money for that book.
What tripped the alarm?
Couldn't find anything.
Caught them checking the system.
All right.
Stix?
That's right.
He just attended the auction
to verify that it
was the right book.
He didn't care if
Langham, Baron,
or Don Carlos bought it.
He was gonna take it back.
Gideon Stix, he's
in the social register.
He's a patron of the arts.
And he also happens to
own an export/import firm,
which is undoubtedly the front
for the opium-smuggling ring.
Incredible.
Well, now you know
where volume two is.
Why don't you just get a
warrant for Mr. Stix's arrest?
Oh, that's right.
You have to have the book
in order to break the code
without the opium
ring knowing it.
And we also have to
make a copy of volume two
right in Stix's own library.
Impossible. That
would take hours.
Take days.
Even if you did photograph it,
you'd have to get all
that equipment in and out
without it being discovered.
We have a plan.
I think you ought
to be sitting down
when we tell you
about it, Cranston.
Yes?
Good evening, my dear fellow.
Would you inform Mr. Stix that
Captain Cecil Smythe Allenby,
Second Earl of
Southby, is calling?
Mr. Stix sees no one
without an appointment.
Ah, quite so, quite so.
And a very wise policy too.
One which we follow ourselves.
We men of position
mustn't make ourselves
too accessible, should we?
However, we have something
here which we feel your employer,
as a very devoted art
collector, might wish to examine.
Come, come, come, my good man.
Certainly there is
nothing to be lost
by informing Mr. Stix of
our presence, is there?
You're first.
Where is he?
Waiting in the foyer, sir.
Let him wait.
Excellent. Excellent.
Ah, my dear Stix. Good
to see you again, sir.
But perhaps you don't remember.
We met three years
ago, I believe it was,
at the Queen's Fusilier
Ball at Buckingham.
Charming place you have
here. Absolutely charming.
Cecil Smythe Allenby.
Second Earl of Southby.
Mm-hmm.
I understand you have
something to show me.
Indeed I have, my
dear Stix. Indeed I have.
Breathtaking, isn't it?
It was once the property
of the Dowager Empress
of the fifth Ming dynasty.
The center stone is
the Burmese star ruby,
the reddest in the world.
Shh!
I'm sorry, Mr. West.
This is my first
assignment in the field.
I'm allergic to grass.
Swell.
Unfortunately,
the family fortune
has suffered severe
reverses of late.
The cards, the
dice, the horse...
being the fickle
things they are.
Wait here.
Let's go.
Why that...
Look at that.
Paste.
Do you see what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Luck. Just luck.
There are two kinds
of luck, Mr. Allenby,
or whatever your name is.
Indeed. Indeed.
I'm quite accustomed
to taking the bad
along with the good.
My-my glasses are broken.
If I can't see, I can't read.
If I can't read, I can't
photograph the book.
We might as well
forget the plan, Mr. West.
Wait a minute.
What are you gonna do?
No one, no one plays
Gideon Stix for the fool.
Teach him a little lesson.
Then turn him
over to the police.
Now, just wait a minute, Stix.
You know, this
doesn't do justice
to your reputation
as a sportsman.
Who are you?
Who I am strikes me
as being just a little
unimportant right now.
What I am? I'm a gambler,
a little down on my luck.
You know, I would have expected
that my feeble
attempt at deception
would have been nothing more
than a minor source
of amusement to you.
Well, I trust the police will
be more amused than I am.
I'm tempted to offer
you a proposition, Stix.
What proposition?
One game of pool.
Stakes being this: if
you win, your associates
can, "teach me a
lesson," as you put it.
If I win, I'm permitted
to walk out of this house,
physically unharmed.
I thought as much.
Get rid of him.
Stix.
Stix!
Maybe it would
be more interesting
if we threw in $5,000
as a sort of side bet?
What have you got that could
possibly be worth $5,000?
Just myself. I told
you I was a gambler.
My life is collateral
for a $5,000 loan.
Oh, you can't be serious.
Completely.
All right.
All right. You've
got yourself a bet.
Your life against my 5,000.
Good.
Here you are. My
$5,000 against your life.
You break.
Get me a cigar from the library.
That's a scratch.
I hoped you'd at least
give me a little competition.
Good shot.
Time to pay the piper.
Mr. Stix...
Uh-uh. No welshing.
I wouldn't think of it.
I'd just like to sink one
last ball, even the cue ball.
What for?
Oh, as a last tribute, salute,
to one who took the
ultimate gamble, and lost.
All right. All right.
It's cost you enough.
Come on. Come on.
Shoot. Get it over with.
How much longer?
Just a few pages, Mr. West.
Forget him!
Anything wrong, Mr. Stix?
Oh, no. Nothing.
I probably should find
a safer place for these.
What's his name?
A John Smith.
He died in Hong Kong.
His body is being sent
to his family in Denver.
Denver?
This is the fourth one
from Hong Kong in a month.
Things are booming
in Denver, boss.
Well, let's open it
up, have a look at him.
Little fellow, isn't he?
The littler they are,
the more stuff we can
pack in with them, boss.
Hmm.
All right. Let's get
him down to the train.
Get my carriage, will you?
I think I'll go to the club.
Very well, sir.
One moment, Mr. Stix.
You're under arrest
in the name of the
United States government.
Karate?
Jim, do you think it's possible
that we could have
underestimated Cranston?
"Nationwide raids
complete success.
"all of Gideon Stix's
dealers under arrest.
Good work. Richmond."
Congratulations are in
order. We congratulate you.
We couldn't have done
it without you, Cranston,
and we really mean that.
You're much too
generous, Mr. West.
I think this calls
for a celebration.
Cranston's all dressed up.
What do you say we go out,
find out what this
town has to offer
in the way of feminine
companionship?
I'm way ahead of you, Mr. Pike.
What do you mean?
Well, I just happen to know
three girls here
in San Francisco:
the Gaffney sisters.
They're old friends
of the family,
and three of the most
intelligent young ladies
I've ever known.
So?
Well, I took the
liberty of inviting them
to have dinner with us
tonight at Delmonico's.
I think you'll find
them most stimulating.
They can converse
on almost any subject
with the most amazing erudition.
I think that's them now.
Can you imagine what
those girls look like
if they're friends
of Cranston's?
"Old family friends."
"Who can converse
with amazing erudition"?
Swell.
That was them.
They're waiting for us.
Uh, Bosley, Jim and I,
we just remembered that
we can't go out tonight.
Well, why not?
Well, it's an urgent message
from Colonel Richmond.
We have to be
here when it arrives.
You sure?
Positive.
Yeah. Sorry.
Well, if you say so. Good night.
Good night.
You're positive you
won't change your mind?
Well, we'd like
to, but we can't.
It's impossible
tonight, Cranston.
Okay.
The Gaffney sisters.
Heaven spare us.
Jerry, you were right.
We underestimated him.
Mr. West.
Give me a hand.
He's dead.
Who are you, and
what are you up to?
Give me an answer, don't mumble.
Mr. West...
You're a secret service agent?
You've got to be kidding.
Colonel Richmond sent me
up from Washington to help you.
Help me? Why?
Well, when I saw
Mr. Gordon in Washington,
and learned that he would
be there for some time,
I persuaded Colonel
Richmond to send me.
Jeremy Pike has already
been assigned to me.
Well, he said you'd
find something for me.
Did he tell you what
case we were working on?
Yeah, he said you were working
on a huge opium-smuggling ring,
and that you'd been on
the case for some time.
That's right, Mr.,
um, Mr. Cranston.
Bosley Cranston.
Did he also tell you
that we haven't had
one single, solitary lead?
But then, just a few hours ago,
I spotted the
courier for the ring.
That was the break we needed.
And now he's gone.
He's gone?
Gone.
Thanks for your
help, Mr. Cranston.
Here.
I'm really sorry, Mr. West.
This is my first
field assignment.
If you hadn't told me that, I
never would have guessed.
My work has always
been in the laboratory.
We haven't, uh...
Find something?
Shouldn't we call a
policeman and report this?
I don't believe it. I
just don't believe it.
Nobody could be that stupid.
I don't mean to
minimize my mistake
in calling to Mr. West when
he was following that man,
but if you're certain
he's a courier for
the smuggling ring,
why didn't you just
take him into custody
and interrogate him?
Because of the list.
The list?
Somewhere in this
town, there's a list
of the smuggling ring's dealers
in every city in the country,
and we want to get
our hands on that list
before the ring
knows we have it.
Well, tell me how I can help.
You can help by
catching the first train
back to Washington.
Oh, no...
Oh, yes.
Please, Mr. West.
Ever since I joined the service,
I've been after Colonel
Richmond to let me go into the field.
It's not that I don't enjoy
my work in the laboratory,
because scientific inquiry
will always be my first love.
But you wouldn't believe
the staggering amounts of
paperwork connected with it.
I just couldn't take it anymore.
Uh, Jim, maybe we've been
a little too hard on Cranston.
I'll do anything I
can to stay, anything.
Just tell me what to do.
I think I've got an idea.
Yes, of course.
Cranston, my good man,
prepare yourself to go to work.
Well, what's all...
What's all this?
Reports.
Reports?
Yeah, to Washington.
Paperwork, Cranston. Paperwork.
You see, we're behind
in our paperwork.
Oh, you don't, by any chance,
know how to use
one of these, do you?
Excellent.
I hate to bother you,
but they are reports
to Washington.
Would you mind getting at them?
Thank you.
Good man.
Well, it's all well and
good to put him to work,
but what are we going to do?
We're right back
where we started.
Maybe not.
Oh?
I took it off the courier.
What would he be doing with
half of a broken poker chip?
Unless... Exactly.
And I know where to find the
other half of that poker chip.
Hey, what's all the
clucking, Charlie?
Half a poker chip's
better than none.
Hey, not so fast, doll.
Come with me, please.
My pleasure.
Get him!
Better get back to my typing.
Jim, I was getting a
little worried about you.
Take a look at this.
Shafton's Reflections on
Good and Evil, Volume 1.
First edition, published
in England in 1575.
Must be extremely valuable.
Almost priceless. But not to us.
It's not worth anything to us
unless we can break the code.
Code?
Take a good look
at one of the pages.
You see anything?
Some of the letters
are thinly underlined.
Right. Now, if we put
the letters together,
they should spell out the
names and the addresses
of the opium ring's
dealers around the country.
Should?
But they don't.
They don't make
any sense at all.
And I think I know why.
The first edition of
Shafton's Reflections
was published in two volumes.
So half the code is
in the first volume,
and the second part is in
volume two, wherever that is.
For instance, top of page 29,
"Pleasure is the chief
or sole good in life."
Now, if you'll notice,
the "p" in the word
"pleasure" is underlined.
Excuse me, Mr. Pike.
Uh, the sentence you
quoted isn't on page 29.
What?
It's on page, uh, 37.
Have you read this
book, Cranston?
No.
He's right. It's on page 37.
I thought you said you
didn't read the book.
Well, I haven't,
not in the accepted
sense of the word.
I have flipped through it.
You just flipped through it?
Yes. I have what you might
call a photographic memory.
I'm able to look
at a page of a book
and it becomes indelibly
imprinted on my mind.
That's very
interesting, Cranston.
I-I can't account for
it. It's just the way I am.
Let's see.
You tell me what you read.
Wait a minute.
Would you, uh... would
you do that again?
Okay.
Now, you ready?
Mm-hmm.
All right. Let's have it.
You want it from the beginning?
No. Page 22. Fourth
paragraph from the top.
"It was a cold, ominous
night when Hiram Harp
"arrived at the country
estate of Lord Bushnell.
"Rain was threatening.
"However, Hiram felt
under the circumstances..."
He did it. He
can actually do it.
It's nothing but a
great, little parlor trick.
It's not getting us any
closer to volume two.
Now, my plan is this:
Bosley makes a
typewritten copy of the book,
and we take a newspaper
ad offering the volume for sale.
The opium ring sees the
ad, realizes it's their book,
and they try and buy it.
And they'll want it so bad
they won't let
anybody outbid them.
Then I follow them
with the second book.
You see anything wrong in that?
I'll let you know
after I try it.
Howdy, friend.
Say, this the place they gonna
hammer down that rare book?
If you're referring to the
first edition of Shafton...
That's the one, yeah.
Well, come right on in, Mr...
Uh, Langham. Leroy Langham.
You can just call me
Longhorn. Most folks do.
Say, who are them
jaspers over there?
They're your
competitors for the book.
Competitors?
Don't look like they'd be
competition for a sick mule.
Come this way, please.
Gentlemen, may I introduce
Mr. Langham of Texas?
How'd you know I was from Texas?
Baron Kyosai of Japan,
bidding for the Daichi
Literary Museum of Tokyo.
Don Carlos de Mendoza
Garcia, Barcelona, Spain.
And Mr. Gideon
Stix of San Francisco.
Well, howdy, friend.
My pleasure, Mr. Langham.
I trust we shan't find
our friendship strained
when the bidding starts.
Isn't it time, señor?
Well, not until Mr. Langham
has had a chance to examine
the volume, Don Carlos.
As I've already told the others,
uh, I'm not the
principle in this sale,
only the agent for the owner.
Uh, who's that?
Unfortunately, I'm not at
liberty to divulge his identity.
But upon examination
of this volume,
I'm sure that you will,
as the others have,
find it to be a genuine,
first edition of volume one
of Shafton's Reflections
on Good and Evil.
Well, I'll just have to
take your word for that.
Back home in Langham, Texas,
we figure on startin'
a little ol' library.
This here book will
start us off right nice.
Uh, gentlemen?
If you are ready, we will
proceed with the bidding.
I must remind you first,
before I entertain
the first bid,
that nothing less than
$20,000 will be accepted.
May I have the first bid?
Twenty-one thousand.
Thank you.
Twenty-one
thousand, one hundred.
Can you tell which one
is from the opium ring?
We'll know soon enough.
Twenty-two thousand,
eight hundred.
Ah, Don Carlos bids 22,800.
Gracias, señor.
Twenty-five thousand.
Thirty-thousand dollars.
Thirty-one.
Forty-five thousand.
Fifty-thousand.
Fifty-one thousand.
Fifty-five thousand.
Mr. Langham has bid
$55,000. Any other bids?
Mr. Stix?
I'm afraid this
is a bit too rich
for my blood and my pocket book.
All I can bid you,
gentlemen, is good evening.
Good evening, Mr. Stix.
Thank you for coming.
One down, three to go.
I bid 60,000.
I bid...
Seventy-thousand dollars.
Don Carlos?
Gracias. I, too, must retire.
Buenos noches, caballeros.
Buenos noches.
Well, there goes another one.
Seventy-six thousand.
Eighty thousand.
Have a listen.
I need my glasses.
Baron?
My principle, the
Daichi Literary Museum
has authorized me to
go as high as $100,000,
No higher.
I now enter that bid.
Mr. Langham?
One hundred and ten thousand.
Mr. West, it's over.
The book's been sold.
The Texan.
There's sure gonna be
some mighty happy folks
back in Langham.
I paid good money for that book.
What tripped the alarm?
Couldn't find anything.
Caught them checking the system.
All right.
Stix?
That's right.
He just attended the auction
to verify that it
was the right book.
He didn't care if
Langham, Baron,
or Don Carlos bought it.
He was gonna take it back.
Gideon Stix, he's
in the social register.
He's a patron of the arts.
And he also happens to
own an export/import firm,
which is undoubtedly the front
for the opium-smuggling ring.
Incredible.
Well, now you know
where volume two is.
Why don't you just get a
warrant for Mr. Stix's arrest?
Oh, that's right.
You have to have the book
in order to break the code
without the opium
ring knowing it.
And we also have to
make a copy of volume two
right in Stix's own library.
Impossible. That
would take hours.
Take days.
Even if you did photograph it,
you'd have to get all
that equipment in and out
without it being discovered.
We have a plan.
I think you ought
to be sitting down
when we tell you
about it, Cranston.
Yes?
Good evening, my dear fellow.
Would you inform Mr. Stix that
Captain Cecil Smythe Allenby,
Second Earl of
Southby, is calling?
Mr. Stix sees no one
without an appointment.
Ah, quite so, quite so.
And a very wise policy too.
One which we follow ourselves.
We men of position
mustn't make ourselves
too accessible, should we?
However, we have something
here which we feel your employer,
as a very devoted art
collector, might wish to examine.
Come, come, come, my good man.
Certainly there is
nothing to be lost
by informing Mr. Stix of
our presence, is there?
You're first.
Where is he?
Waiting in the foyer, sir.
Let him wait.
Excellent. Excellent.
Ah, my dear Stix. Good
to see you again, sir.
But perhaps you don't remember.
We met three years
ago, I believe it was,
at the Queen's Fusilier
Ball at Buckingham.
Charming place you have
here. Absolutely charming.
Cecil Smythe Allenby.
Second Earl of Southby.
Mm-hmm.
I understand you have
something to show me.
Indeed I have, my
dear Stix. Indeed I have.
Breathtaking, isn't it?
It was once the property
of the Dowager Empress
of the fifth Ming dynasty.
The center stone is
the Burmese star ruby,
the reddest in the world.
Shh!
I'm sorry, Mr. West.
This is my first
assignment in the field.
I'm allergic to grass.
Swell.
Unfortunately,
the family fortune
has suffered severe
reverses of late.
The cards, the
dice, the horse...
being the fickle
things they are.
Wait here.
Let's go.
Why that...
Look at that.
Paste.
Do you see what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Luck. Just luck.
There are two kinds
of luck, Mr. Allenby,
or whatever your name is.
Indeed. Indeed.
I'm quite accustomed
to taking the bad
along with the good.
My-my glasses are broken.
If I can't see, I can't read.
If I can't read, I can't
photograph the book.
We might as well
forget the plan, Mr. West.
Wait a minute.
What are you gonna do?
No one, no one plays
Gideon Stix for the fool.
Teach him a little lesson.
Then turn him
over to the police.
Now, just wait a minute, Stix.
You know, this
doesn't do justice
to your reputation
as a sportsman.
Who are you?
Who I am strikes me
as being just a little
unimportant right now.
What I am? I'm a gambler,
a little down on my luck.
You know, I would have expected
that my feeble
attempt at deception
would have been nothing more
than a minor source
of amusement to you.
Well, I trust the police will
be more amused than I am.
I'm tempted to offer
you a proposition, Stix.
What proposition?
One game of pool.
Stakes being this: if
you win, your associates
can, "teach me a
lesson," as you put it.
If I win, I'm permitted
to walk out of this house,
physically unharmed.
I thought as much.
Get rid of him.
Stix.
Stix!
Maybe it would
be more interesting
if we threw in $5,000
as a sort of side bet?
What have you got that could
possibly be worth $5,000?
Just myself. I told
you I was a gambler.
My life is collateral
for a $5,000 loan.
Oh, you can't be serious.
Completely.
All right.
All right. You've
got yourself a bet.
Your life against my 5,000.
Good.
Here you are. My
$5,000 against your life.
You break.
Get me a cigar from the library.
That's a scratch.
I hoped you'd at least
give me a little competition.
Good shot.
Time to pay the piper.
Mr. Stix...
Uh-uh. No welshing.
I wouldn't think of it.
I'd just like to sink one
last ball, even the cue ball.
What for?
Oh, as a last tribute, salute,
to one who took the
ultimate gamble, and lost.
All right. All right.
It's cost you enough.
Come on. Come on.
Shoot. Get it over with.
How much longer?
Just a few pages, Mr. West.
Forget him!
Anything wrong, Mr. Stix?
Oh, no. Nothing.
I probably should find
a safer place for these.
What's his name?
A John Smith.
He died in Hong Kong.
His body is being sent
to his family in Denver.
Denver?
This is the fourth one
from Hong Kong in a month.
Things are booming
in Denver, boss.
Well, let's open it
up, have a look at him.
Little fellow, isn't he?
The littler they are,
the more stuff we can
pack in with them, boss.
Hmm.
All right. Let's get
him down to the train.
Get my carriage, will you?
I think I'll go to the club.
Very well, sir.
One moment, Mr. Stix.
You're under arrest
in the name of the
United States government.
Karate?
Jim, do you think it's possible
that we could have
underestimated Cranston?
"Nationwide raids
complete success.
"all of Gideon Stix's
dealers under arrest.
Good work. Richmond."
Congratulations are in
order. We congratulate you.
We couldn't have done
it without you, Cranston,
and we really mean that.
You're much too
generous, Mr. West.
I think this calls
for a celebration.
Cranston's all dressed up.
What do you say we go out,
find out what this
town has to offer
in the way of feminine
companionship?
I'm way ahead of you, Mr. Pike.
What do you mean?
Well, I just happen to know
three girls here
in San Francisco:
the Gaffney sisters.
They're old friends
of the family,
and three of the most
intelligent young ladies
I've ever known.
So?
Well, I took the
liberty of inviting them
to have dinner with us
tonight at Delmonico's.
I think you'll find
them most stimulating.
They can converse
on almost any subject
with the most amazing erudition.
I think that's them now.
Can you imagine what
those girls look like
if they're friends
of Cranston's?
"Old family friends."
"Who can converse
with amazing erudition"?
Swell.
That was them.
They're waiting for us.
Uh, Bosley, Jim and I,
we just remembered that
we can't go out tonight.
Well, why not?
Well, it's an urgent message
from Colonel Richmond.
We have to be
here when it arrives.
You sure?
Positive.
Yeah. Sorry.
Well, if you say so. Good night.
Good night.
You're positive you
won't change your mind?
Well, we'd like
to, but we can't.
It's impossible
tonight, Cranston.
Okay.
The Gaffney sisters.
Heaven spare us.
Jerry, you were right.
We underestimated him.