The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 3, Episode 7 - Gone Quiet - full transcript
When the military loses contact with a submarine in hostile waters, the President must choose between risking the lives of the crew and provoking North Korea. CJ relishes the Majority ...
- Previously on The West Wing:
- We need help.
- I'm bringing in Bruno Gianelli.
- It's too early.
- No.
- Sam and Josh aren't gonna like it.
- They'll have to live with it.
- The only races I've ever lost...
...are ones where the candidate didn't
listen or advice didn't get through.
- That won't happen this time.
- It seems your job is to wait...
...until Doug leaves the room and then
say,"What Doug really meant was... ."
How much they pay you for that?
Sometimes it's my job to say it
when he's in the room.
- Mrs. Bartlet, I wanna talk to you...
- Dr. Bartlet.
When did I stop being Dr. Bartlet?
When in the campaign...
...did I decide that women were gonna
like me more if I called myself"Mrs."?
One day, I'll get called to the
Situation Room and it'll be good news.
We'll have discovered
buried treasure.
Or it turns out there's
life on Andromeda...
...and they think we're doing
a good job. When's that day coming?
- When's that gonna happen?
- Settle down.
- What do you need?
- The Pac Fleet commander...
...informed us he lost contact with the
USS Portland, a Seawolf class sub.
- What were their orders?
- They were on a close-in.
They were supposed to
report in yesterday at 1400.
They were gonna surface
to periscope depth...
...and download deterrence
intelligence data.
They've gone quiet,
they're a submarine.
- Sure. Maybe.
- But?
They usually call in
and say they're going quiet.
- Other possibilities?
- They've lost power...
...and are drifting in hostile waters.
- What hostile waters?
They're in the Yellow Sea, their last
location was 60 miles west of Seoul.
We haven't heard from them
and they're in North Korea?
What do we have ready if we need to
order a massive rescue mission?
We put two DSRVs on alert
from Ballast Point, San Diego.
Two C-141 Starlifters are on alert at
North Island, ready to get a rescue crew.
They'll meet up with Seawolfs
stationed off Japan...
...each carrying 50 Tomahawks.
They practice for this all the time...
...but we shouldn't do it.
- Why not?
- I think they've gone quiet.
- You said they usually call.
- They usually do.
- I've gotta tell the president.
He'll hit the panic button.
If the Portland went quiet...
...somebody's sitting on top of them.
They know what to do.
I'll be back.
- Their propellers aren't going.
- No.
- They know I wanna leave now?
- Yes.
- The propellers aren't going.
- Maybe they're saving fuel.
That makes sense. Also, there's a
chance I can get hit getting on or off.
- Excuse me?
- Sir?
You think I'm not tall enough to get
hit by the propellers on Marine One?
Dikembe Mutombo isn't tall enough
to get hit by the propellers.
I duck when I get on that helicopter.
You should too. It's good safety sense.
- Yes, sir.
- They know I wanna leave?
- Yes, sir.
- Filing day, Charlie.
Last to get on the ballot
in New Hampshire. I'm going myself.
- I could send an aide.
- You're going yourself?
- Always have, always will.
- There's nothing left to run for.
Fair enough. Always have, never will.
But I'm going myself. You know why?
- It's a statement about democracy?
- A profound statement about democracy.
- Are you mocking me?
- No, sir.
- That was a crack about my height before?
- No... Yeah, it was.
- You all set to leave?
- I am. I'm going myself.
It's a profound statement
about democracy.
It's not a problem.
I'm up and back in two hours.
It's great and I know
how much you love doing it.
- It's one of my all-time favorite...
- You can't go.
Why not?
This is something that
sounds worse than it is...
...because of your inexperience
with the military.
- What is it?
- Okay.
The USS Portland is a Seawolf-class...
...or big nuclear submarine.
- Yeah.
It has a crew of 137.
It is loaded down with highly classified
intelligence gathering equipment.
- It's in the waters off North Korea.
- Right.
- We don't have it right now.
- What does"we don't have it" mean?
Well, as you know, with our ships,
our boats and our submarines...
...we keep in pretty close touch
with radar, sonar...
...satellites, radio, encrypted messages.
And we don't have the Portland now.
- We don't have it?
- We do not.
- And they're in North Korea?
- Yes. Last we heard.
So we're gonna set up meetings
in the next few hours.
Plus, if anything happens,
I don't like people knowing...
...you were running for election
while the boat was out there.
I think I'll go ahead
and cancel that trip...
...if only to stay and see how this
sounds worse than it really is.
- I'll stick around too.
- I think you will.
- Hey, I'm here.
- I'm glad.
- What's this song about?
- This is"I'm Too Sexy."
- For his shirt he's too sexy.
- Other things too.
- He lists them.
- Well, I think he's feeling good.
- I think he's feeling sexy.
- Too sexy.
I think it's the kind of thing where
someone says,"This is just too good."
- Hyperbole?
- Yeah.
So it's not a problem? It's not a song
about somebody having a problem?
No. He's feeling good,
that's why he's singing.
- You see the wires?
- Not yet, is there anything?
The majority leader was doing
news in Cleveland. They asked him...
...why he wants to be president.
- What did he say?
- I really don't know.
- Wait a second.
- He got the question and he...?
- It was a train wreck.
- I recognized all the words...
- Get me the transcript.
Ten-hut.
Where's the submarine, Nancy?
I don't wanna hear"I don't know."
I wanna hear how many people
are out there looking for it.
- And I thought you were gonna panic.
- I happen to agree with the president...
...who on military matters is smarter...
- Shut up.
- How long can the crew survive?
- We don't know what's going on.
- Want the worst-case scenario?
- Yes.
If they're flooding, it could be hours.
How close are these guys to landfall?
About 4000 yards off the
southern coast of Kaesong in Haeju Bay.
Four thousand yards!
They get that close?
Yes, they set a wiretap on a cable in
North Korea's coastal operations zone.
- Four thousand yards?
- Yeah.
Can they send a distress signal?
They can, but they won't
if they think they'll be detected.
They would wait to send a signal
and risk their lives?
Mr. President, submariners understand
that if they sink...
...it won't be a rescue,
it'll be a recovery.
They measure risk and rewards
not just in terms of their lives...
...but in terms of national interest.
- Well, that's great.
I assess the national interest by
the number of people alive.
You have four hours before I order
the Pacific Fleet into Haeju Bay.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
We need to weigh in
with somebody at State.
- I agree. Is Peter still recovering?
- Yes.
All right, we'll talk to someone else,
someone we trust. Anybody but...
- Albie Duncan.
- Anybody but him.
No, I'm saying
it's gotta be Albie Duncan.
- He knows what to say.
- So does Peter.
- Peter's recovering from heart surgery.
- Was it serious heart surgery?
We gotta meet with Albie.
He's gonna scold me.
He's been at the State Department
since Truman. He thinks I'm a kid...
...and that he outranks me.
- You'll be fine.
I gotta tell him I lost a submarine.
Can I make something up like, say:
-"What if my friend hypothetically...?"
- We'll meet with him when he's here.
Bring a copy of the Constitution.
I wanna show him I'm not scared.
- Morning.
- Can you devise a campaign strategy...
...that involves beating up Leo?
- Why not?
Okay, let's get started.
Where's Toby?
- He's in the...
- I don't care.
These are direct-mail leaflets.
"Bartlet: Hopelessly Liberal."
"Bartlet: Super-Liberal."
"Bartlet: Liberal, Liberal, Liberal."
- These aren't coming from our side?
- No.
- Wanna run an ad?
- The most dangerous time...
...in an incumbent's campaign
is before there is opposition.
- The hearings are around the corner.
- There's a stealth war going on.
- Leaflets, flyers, phone trees.
- How much is it gonna cost?
One million five for this one.
But in the next three months...
...I'll need eight million
for new ads and air time.
Work up an ad for 60 bucks
and a waffle and we'll talk.
- Sam.
- We need the money in lowa in 9 weeks.
If you don't spend now,
we'll have problems.
- We don't know if there's a challenger.
- If there is, scare him.
The best way to do that isn't
to keep the war chest intact?
- You're talking about hard money.
- Yeah.
I'm talking about hard money.
What are you talking about?
- Excuse me.
- Listen, Toby...
- What does $ 105 million mean to you?
- What?
I just got tipped that the new budget
will include $ 105 million...
...for the National Park Service. I can't
remember what that number means.
- I don't know.
- Anybody?
- No.
- Give me a few minutes, I'll be back.
Does $ 105 million
mean anything to you?
- I'm a simple girl, Toby.
- Yes. Yes, you are.
- Bonnie, 105 million?
- My answer hasn't changed.
- Toby.
- C.J.
- What in...?
- He got the question.
The Majority leader, last night,
local news, Cleveland, Ohio.
Cleveland, Ohio. He got the question.
- Which?
- Why do you wanna be president?
- What'd he say?
-"The reason I'd run, were I to run...
...is I have a great belief
in this country and in this people...
...that go into making this country
a nation with the greatest resources...
...and population of people,
educated people."
I'll spread it around.
C.J.?
The new budget will have 105 million
for the National Park Service.
- Does 105 million mean anything to you?
- No.
But it's the same amount as the budget
for the National Endowment for the Arts.
- Get me...
- I'll get her on the phone.
- Why, Dr. Bartlet.
- Don't start with me, Oliver.
- Start what?
- If you give me grief about my ankle...
...do it quickly, so we can
move on with this rectal probe.
- Know why I call you doctor?
- I have a medical license?
You have a medical license.
And when I look at you...
...I think about health.
Goodness, what happened
to your ankle, Dr. Bartlet?
- I broke it. Otherwise, I'd ram it up...
- How did you break it?
It was in the newspapers,
I'm sure you read about it.
- I read Le Monde. Was it in Le Monde?
- I don't know, I don't read Le Monde.
- Pity.
- I was hiking, Oliver. I was hiking.
- Are you that much an enemy of nature?
- Nature is to be protected from.
Nature, like a woman,
will seduce you with its sights...
...and its scents and its touch...
...and then it breaks your ankle,
also like a woman.
What the hell kind of dates
are you going on, Oliver?
- I hear you.
- Yeah.
Here's what you should do, and I'm
speaking to you as White House Counsel.
Make a national address
encouraging women not to go hiking...
...or at least not ask me
to go with them.
- Can we work?
- Jonathan Hawkings, Nina Alva...
...Maurice Blustein, Jessica Nording.
They mean anything?
- Where did you get them?
- Democrats on Oversight.
- They're on the witness list?
- Yes.
Those are some of the patients involved
in malpractice suits against me.
How many have there been altogether?
Four were immediately dismissed
as nuisance suits.
I went to court on two and won.
One was settled.
- The life of a doctor.
- From this witness list...
...it is becoming clear what the
president's biggest liability will be.
- What?
- You.
- Tawny.
- Throne, by Rain Billings...
...a photographer from North Dakota
whose work consists of Polaroids...
...of his dysfunctional family
in the bathroom.
One Horse-Two Horse,
by Marc Moloney.
He calls himself an installation artist.
It's two big-screen TVs...
...side by side, one with footage
of stallions running in reverse...
...the other one showing The Godfather.
"Slut" is a one-word poem...
...by Jules Waltz.
It's stamped in scarlet...
...on a piece of 40-by-40 black canvas.
Here's a woman who gets naked,
covers herself in chocolate...
...and sings. Does that appeal to you?
- I am not wild about musicals.
They're all funded by Oakenwood during
his chairmanship of the Endowment.
You're dissolving the Endowment
to give money to Parks?
Hold the Lettuce. Lydia Benedict's
two bacon-cheeseburgers...
...were constructed from burlap
and rottweiler dung.
It's not me,
it's the committee I work for.
Look...
- Excuse me. Hey, Tawny.
- Sam.
- Have you heard of Andrew Hawkins?
- No.
You funded his performance
where he destroyed...
...all his belongings outside
a Starbucks in Haight-Ashbury.
I did that a couple times. I didn't know
there was funding available.
- Can I talk to you a second?
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
- Appropriations wants to eliminate NEA.
- What's going on in there?
- He wants to run ads.
- With what?
- Soft money.
All right, I'll be in when I can.
Oh, hey. You know what?
The NEA, that's 105 million.
Yeah.
Sam, did you hear?
- The majority leader got the question.
- And?
- Get me the transcript.
- We've got an answer, right?
- To what?
- If asked why he wants to be president.
I'm sure we do.
I've gotta get back in there.
Arlene Neiderlander.
The wife of a patient upon whom I
performed a coronary artery bypass graft.
She filed a wrongful-death suit,
claiming he died...
...as a result of complications
due to surgery.
- Did he?
- He developed an infection...
...like two percent of CABG surgeries,
in his case, mediastinitis.
He was 74, diabetic,
and the infection spread to his liver.
New York Superior Court Judge Nguyen
dismissed the case.
Oliver, draw a line for me
from the malpractice suits...
...to the Committee's investigation
of the president.
It's an investigation of you too, Abbey.
You had prescriptions filled in your
name, which you gave to the president.
- But that in itself?
- Hang on.
You're not a medical expert,
you didn't keep records...
...you violated medical practices
in three states.
And most important, you're his wife...
...which is a violation
of the AMA's ethics code.
How is this the purview of House
Government Reform and Oversight?
It's not.
They don't have a criminal case
against the president, do they?
- No.
- But they can develop one against me.
- Yeah.
- And in going after me...
...they can paint the president.
- Sure.
- Distract him from governing.
Distract the public's attention
from the campaign.
Yeah.
It was an infection.
It was a liver infection.
- Should we keep going?
- Yeah.
- You know what we're talking about?
- Sure.
Do you know what we're talking about?
I wanna make sure Connie knows.
I know what we're talking about.
Sam?
- You know what we're talking about?
- We're talking about unlimited...
...unregulated money that can be
raised in staggering amounts.
It's not like there's a law that
envisioned soft money. No law bans it.
It's a loophole so big you could
race the America's Cup through it.
How can he oppose it
one year and take it the next?
Where will he be on
campaign-finance reform tomorrow?
Exactly where he is today.
Leading the charge against it.
In the meantime, Congress and the FEC
have been sitting on their hands.
Is that our fault? No. Now Bartlet
should obey a law that doesn't exist?
What's next, imaginary street signs?
Excuse me,
but there's such a thing as... .
- What?
- There's such a thing as... .
What?
Okay, we're gonna
sit quietly for a moment.
Okay.
Leadership by example. There's
such a thing as leadership by example.
It comes right before
getting your ass kicked in an election.
We're really talking about this, huh?
- Toby's gonna be in in a minute.
- Every single election.
Yes.
- Legislature, House, governor.
- Yeah.
- President.
- It's a statement about democracy.
I've heard it before, I was just...
- Is he here?
- Yes, sir.
It's a profound statement
about democracy.
- Mr. President.
- Good morning, Albie.
- Good morning. Hello, Leo.
- Good to see you, Albie.
Can I get you anything?
Some coffee? A soft drink?
- No, sir.
- Okay. Okay.
I've asked you here because you
are the Assistant Secretary of State...
...and I am the president.
- What have you done?
- You see, right away.
- Don't worry about it.
The Pac Fleet commander has informed
us we've lost contact with the Portland.
The Portland's a Seawolf class?
Where is it?
- Lake George.
- Somewhere in Haeju Bay.
You've lost a nuclear submarine
in North Korea, Mr. President.
Thanks, Albie. That much the National
Security Council has made clear to me.
- Any chance they've gone quiet?
- Nancy thinks there is.
- I'm assuming they didn't radio.
- No.
If they were in trouble,
they wouldn't send a distress signal...
...because they might be detected and
submariners have different criteria...
...when assessing risk versus reward.
He knows.
- Okay, I'll just stand over there.
- Where are we?
The president wants to give four hours
before a rescue. We're an hour into it.
- All the pieces in place?
- Yeah.
- Who do we talk to in the meantime?
- Nobody.
You sure? We don't talk
to the North Koreans?
And tell them what?
You've got casus belli?
Cause for war.
Little thing called Latin.
If we tell North Korea we've violated
their waters, it could be interpreted...
...as an act of war?
- It is an act of war.
- We'll tell them it's not.
- It is.
You violated international law.
You've taken provocative action. At best
you'd create a crisis atmosphere...
...and North Korea's got the
fourth largest army in the world.
1968, the USS Pueblo...
...was on an intelligence mission
off the DPRK.
North Korea attacks
with vessels and a MiG jet.
The 82 surviving crew are captured.
They're held and tortured
for 11 months...
...until we issue an apology
for the grave acts...
...of espionage committed
by the U.S. ship.
- I was there.
- Okay.
- Can I talk to you alone for a second?
- Yeah.
- Let's not call North Korea just yet.
- No.
Leo, gut feeling.
Has the boat gone quiet?
Yeah.
Trust the captain, trust the crew.
All right. Three more hours.
I think Albie should stay.
He can talk us through some things.
If we need to start
making calls he'll be helpful.
Also, he'll be good to have around for
morale because he's Mr. Happy Fun Guy.
- Look...
- I'm gonna ask you to stay for a while.
Well, then, I'll take that
soft drink now...
...if you've got it, Mr. President.
Just a little Schweppes
Bitter Lemon on ice with a twist.
Charlie!
- Yes, sir.
- Could you have someone bring some...
...Schweppes Bitter Lemon and a copy of
the constitutional order of succession?
Yes, sir.
New paragraph: As always, your
thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated.
Also appreciated was the
visit to the White House...
...by some 50 of your constituents
on board a bus...
...that was chartered by your office.
Their complaints were respectfully
heard by my assistant...
...and I regret that matters
escalated to the point...
...where she felt it necessary
to call in the Park Police.
You'll be happy to know
that their bus has been refueled...
...and the seniors
are on their way home...
...each having been allowed to keep
their security tags as a souvenir.
- Look...
- Signed. Do it.
- Hey.
- You got a second?
Type that.
- I was just...
- Type it.
- May I use your computer?
- What's wrong with yours?
One of them poured Wheatena
on the keyboard.
Go ahead.
We had a little problem earlier.
What's up?
The majority leader
got the question last night.
And just kept on digging.
"We have the greatest technology
of any country in the world...
...along with the greatest, not the
greatest, but very serious problems...
...confronting our people,
and I want to be president...
...in order to focus on these problems
in a way that uses...
...the energy of our people
to move us forward, basically."
- Yes.
- It's the"basically" that makes it art.
The best thing we can do is step back.
We can't be seen to be gloating.
Yeah, we do that
when nobody's looking.
- Anything else?
- No.
- They poured Wheatena on her keyboard.
- Listen...
...how good is our answer?
- It's good.
- Really?
What is it?
Do we have one?
I'm sure we have one.
- Will you check? Will you check today?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
No, the problem is that Oakenwood
thinks that the mission of the NEA...
...is to subsidize artists
in this country.
The mission of the NEA is to
subsidize artists in this country.
- Then that's the problem.
- In fact, it's to subsidize art.
Go ahead and explain
that distinction in Topeka.
They're bright. No artists you
mentioned received direct money...
...from the Endowments because the last
time Republicans tried losing the NEA...
...not three times ago, but last time,
we got rid of the individual grants.
And Oakenwood found
a back door by giving money...
...directly to the museums
that put on...
Toby, do you like this stuff?
You'd need the Budweiser Clydesdales
to drag me to Picasso and Monet.
I'm not the guy you want deciding this.
You're not the guy I want deciding this.
I don't know where you get the idea
taxpayers shouldn't have to pay...
...for anything of which
they disapprove.
Lots of them don't like tanks.
Even more don't like Congress.
- Hi.
- Lisa Mulberry, 28...
...specializes in placing genitalia
in anatomically incorrect...
- Excuse us.
- Sure.
Look, we can't spend soft money
on a primary ad anyway, so...
- No, he's passing the magic-words test.
- What test?
U.S. Supreme Court,
Buckley v. Valeo.
The Court created a loophole
by ruling that campaign-finance laws...
...only apply to communications
that in express terms...
...advocate the election or defeat
of a candidate...
...for Federal office.
If you don't put"Vote Bartlet"
in the ad...
...you can pay for it with unmarked
bills from a bank heist if you want to.
There's also Footnote 52, where the
Court said campaign-finance laws...
...only apply to communications with the
terms"vote for,""elect,""support"...
..."cast your ballot for,""vote
against,""defeat,""reject." That's it.
I'm savant-like.
- If it doesn't use those specific words?
- It is an issue ad.
You know what they say
about money in politics.
- It's like water on pavement.
- Why?
- That's a good...
- It finds every crack and crevice.
The standard should be,"Does the ad
try to influence the outcome?
- If so, you can't use soft money."
- Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Sam.
- Excuse me?
- That isn't what the standard is.
Now, I think we should run in the
same election as everybody else.
Toby?
I've gotta go back in there.
When I come back, show me an ad
without the magic words.
- Francis Pendleton.
- Frank.
- This was the case you settled?
- Yeah.
$58,000 payout from SVM Mutual.
- Why wasn't that out in the campaign?
- Confidentiality clause.
No one would know that figure unless
they subpoenaed the Pendleton papers.
They did.
- You performed an atrioventricular...
- Is there a deal to be made?
Is there?
Oliver, I raise my right hand, they're
halfway to where they wanna be.
- Is there a deal?
- Can't guarantee they'll be interested.
- But they might be.
- If putting you on the stand is too risky.
Why would it be a risk for them?
You know the story of the man who
breaks into the pharmacy for medicine.
A life is saved, a window's broken.
Right.
- And I get to pay to have it fixed.
- So they might be interested.
- What would they want?
- At best?
Start with at worst.
- At worst?
- Yeah.
Suspended jail sentence
of three to five years.
What's the one right above that?
USS Glomar, top-secret debacle.
Project Jennifer.
Glomar goes after Clementine,
the sunken Russian Golf.
Six feet a minute, that's how fast
we pulled her up.
Then, all of a sudden:
Her claw breaks in two.
The Golf dangles loose, one sub
from another, steel ripping off.
Everything we needed,
including its nuclear missile...
...its transmitters,
its code books, everything, gone.
The USS Gudgeon, 1957.
Eight Soviet ships caught her,
kept her cornered for four days.
The oxygen depletion,
migraines, fainting.
You couldn't cook.
You couldn't light a cigarette.
- They smoke in subs?
- They used to.
The Oklahoma...
...the Hornet,
the Lexington, a CV-2...
...the USS Wasp.
The Wasp was a CV-7
out in the Solomon Islands... .
God, I'm sorry. Am I still here?
You lost your boat in the
wrong part of the world.
I haven't lost the boat yet,
Mr. Secretary.
I'm the only one who thinks we should
send the fast-attack subs right now.
And I'm an hour away from gathering
the NSC and calling Japan.
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
I say you lost your boat
in the wrong part of the world.
- Albie...
- It was a UN action, Mr. Secretary.
Sixteen countries were involved
in that police action, Mr. Secretary.
Thirty-three, 34,000 American dead.
How come we're the only ones still
fighting? Where did everybody go?
Well, Colombia's fighting a drug war.
Ethiopia's trying to feed itself.
Belgium and the Netherlands,
they have cheese and chocolate to make.
- Sir? Josh.
- Send him in.
- Good afternoon, sir.
- Hey, Josh.
- Joshua.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Secretary.
- Anything going on I should know about?
- We're just catching up.
- This can wait for another time.
- Give it to me. I want a distraction.
- No, it's all right.
- Give it to me.
- It's campaign related.
- That's okay.
Well, the majority leader
got the question last night.
- He tanked.
- We're putting together...
...an answer for when you get it.
- The question?
- Why do you wanna be president?
- I don't.
Well, we'll put that in the hopper
and show you a draft.
- Good.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
Leo?
Fifty-five minutes.
This is a time of dizzying change
and progress around the world.
I'm running for re-election because
I wanna make sure...
...that all our people can share
in 21 st-century jobs...
Jobs and industries
we can't even imagine today...
...bring the benefits of new medical
advancements to all our families...
And harness new technology
and the Internet...
...as a force
for faster economic growth...
Better education and a freer exchange
of ideas around the world.
- There it is.
- That's fine.
- You wanna say something?
- No.
I thought it was...
It's got crisp, commanding phrases.
It's got active verbs like"harness."
It paints a picture of the future.
Someone wants to be president for
medical research and the Internet?
- She's got a point.
- Sometimes you get your face on a coin.
Okay, this shouldn't be hard.
You should charge money for this.
Sell tickets...
...and charge money and call it
"Journey Back to Germany"...
...where in 1937 they held a show
of degenerate art...
...vilifying art they deemed sick,
art featuring mockery of the divine...
...art that wasted the taxes
of the German working people.
Well, how much do you think
we could get?
- Look...
- I think it's in incredibly bad taste...
...to equate the U.S. Congress
with the Nazis.
Me too. In Europe and Japan they're
spending between 1.5 and 3 billion...
...on the arts. Congress thinks
105 million is indulgent?
- Yes.
- There is a connection...
...between the progress
of a society and progress in the arts.
The age of Pericles
was also the age of Phidias.
The age of Lorenzo de' Medici
was also the age of Leonardo da Vinci.
The age of Elizabeth
was the age of Shakespeare.
Ain't none of these guys
da Vinci or Shakespeare.
Says you.
Let's wait till November,
see how many voters agree with me.
National Parks?
National Park security.
Security?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Yeah.
The parks are safe, Tawny.
We spend a lot of money on that.
They could be safer.
And the money for that
could come from someplace else.
- Like where?
- Like...
New taxes?
Yeah.
What do you want?
Get rid of Oakenwood.
We'll find the money someplace else.
Get rid of Oakenwood?
Yeah.
What if I agree to a suspension
of my license?
I agree to a suspension of my license
for the length of Jed's term.
If he serves a second term,
it includes those years too.
- All three states?
- New Hampshire, Missouri and Arizona.
I pay a fine. I pay a fine...
...and the violation is recorded
in the Practitioners Databank.
I resign from boards and organizations.
That gives them a win, right?
- Yeah.
- So, what do you think?
You're not my client. It's not my job
to protect your medical license.
- What do you think?
- I think it's good.
Any White House Counsel
would think that.
Will you help me
convince the president?
- It stinks.
- You just said it was good.
- It stinks.
- In a good way?
You broke some laws.
You should be ashamed of yourself...
...but this investigation
isn't about that.
It's about the criminalization of politics.
An attempt to do what they
couldn't do at the ballot box.
- But we don't have the luxury...
- Stop eating fruits and vegetables.
It's doing something bad to you.
Fruits and vegetables will seduce you
like a woman with...
Truth isn't a luxury. You're gonna
go in there, you're gonna swear an oath.
You're gonna get asked questions
and tell the truth.
It's the way you stand up
and say,"Stop."
You should be careful, Oliver.
You keep talking like a person,
they'll kick you out of the bar.
I've been kicked out of bars before.
- I meant...
- I know what you meant.
Instead of"Jed Bartlet's fighting
to rebuild crumbling schools"...
...we'll make it,"We're fighting
to rebuild crumbling schools."
And we've got a picture
of the president on the screen.
Yeah, and we change
"Vote Bartlet for America"...
...to"Paid for by
Democrats for America."
- You changed five words.
- Magic words.
- They're not magic.
- It's illusion.
- It's a scam.
- Yeah.
- Where are we?
- Bruno and Connie...
...have fought their way out of
our campaign-finance laws.
- It's an issue ad.
- It's a candidate ad with words changed.
- Magic words.
- Connie.
I don't know any other way
to fight fire, Toby.
Why are you bent on
countering these leaflets?
Because I am tired
of working for candidates...
...who make me think I should be
embarrassed to believe what I believe.
I'm tired of getting them elected.
We need therapy because somebody
came along and said liberal means...
...soft on crime, soft on drugs,
soft on Communism...
...soft on defense. And we're gonna
tax you back to the Stone Age...
...because people shouldn't have to
go to work if they don't want to.
And instead of saying,"Well, excuse me,
you right-wing, reactionary...
...xenophobic, homophobic,
anti-education, anti-choice...
...pro-gun, Leave it to Beaver
trip back to the '50s"...
...we cowered in the corner and said:
"Please, don't hurt me."
No more.
I really don't care who's right,
who's wrong.
We're both right. We're both wrong.
Let's have two parties, huh?
What do you say?
I agree.
- Toby...
- Let's stick to the spirit of the law.
The spirit of the law
means no soft money.
I'm saying let's do an issue ad,
an actual issue ad.
Let's do a bunch.
Health care, equal opportunity.
School construction.
Anyone think raising awareness
of crumbling schools won't help us?
There's actually
a reasonable point here.
New polls see Republicans as better
on education with no basis for it.
The ad could spark a debate
on the issue, which would help.
And we take a parallel path
in our free media.
Across America our schools
are crumbling.
Holes in the walls, kids packed
into trailers like sardines in a can.
Half of America's schools
are in disrepair.
And when schools fall down,
so do test scores.
- This isn't bad, I like this.
- Yes.
- Why am I nervous?
- It's not amoral.
Yeah.
Okay.
Across America
schools are crumbling.
...sweeping Wonsan Harbor
near Sindo Island...
...turned to starboard,
hit a mine. Sank.
The USS Gurke, the St. Paul...
...the Irwin, a DD-794...
...the John W. Morrison,
which took 150 rounds...
...of 107 mm air bursts
from a shore battery at Hodo Pando.
- 1953, the Manchester...
- Okay.
- I beg your pardon?
- It's time.
- You still got 10 minutes by my watch.
- Yeah, we're going now.
- You contact Pac Fleet?
- Pac Fleet contacts Ballast Point.
- In San Diego, right?
- Yes. We've got a C-141 Starlifter...
...at North Island.
It'll transport the DSRVs.
- What do they do?
- They'll dock with Whiskey-Three.
- Whiskey-Three?
- It's Portland's code name.
Rescue team blows out
the docking collar...
...and survivors will exit
in groups of 24.
How many trips will it take?
- Six trips to offload them all.
- What about injured?
There will be a medical team. Seriously
injured will be medevaced to Tokyo.
- Let's go get them. Time's up.
- We have Whiskey-Three-Charlie...
...on sat high com.
- What does that mean?
- The Portland is on satellite.
- What does that mean?
- We have them.
- Whiskey-Three-Charlie...
... this is Pac Fleet,
report your whiskey, over.
Whiskey-Three-Charlie, whiskey is
36. 6 degrees north by 110 west.
Went quiet to avoid close aboard
contact with Luda-class destroyer.
Mechanical situation 's at full op.
Whiskey-Three-Charlie, this is
Pac Fleet. Roger all. Happy hunting.
All right.
Okay.
There they are.
See, they went deep and quiet...
...to avoid a close aboard
with a Luda-class destroyer.
What you gotta do in these
situations is, you trust the captain...
...you trust the crew.
Yes, sir.
- Hey.
- Good afternoon, sir.
- It got filed?
- Yes, sir.
- It got filed?
- Yes, sir.
- So I'm on the ballot in New Hampshire?
- Yeah.
Okay.
When Romans ran
for the office of consul...
- Did I just see you roll your eyes?
- No, sir.
They wore whitened togas to show
their intent. A bit silly, perhaps.
- Perhaps.
- It was an act of personal commission.
I know how much you like to think
of yourself as a man of the people...
...Roman references and all...
...but you're the only one who can
launch our nuclear weapons.
You travel in a
fully secured perimeter.
You rescue submarines.
Maybe it's time for it to be okay
that an aide delivers a piece of paper.
You're pretty mouthy today.
C.J. 's waiting inside, sir.
- Hey.
- Good afternoon, Mr. President.
Hey.
Do you duck when you're
getting on Marine One?
No, sir. Should I?
I think the blades are high enough.
The majority leader
got the question last night.
- He went to the zoo.
- Yeah. Listen...
...I want you to go easy on him.
He's conscientious and dedicated.
It's not an easy question.
- Can you answer it?
- Why do I want to be president?
Yeah.
I've been thinking about it
for the last couple of hours.
I almost had it.
- We need help.
- I'm bringing in Bruno Gianelli.
- It's too early.
- No.
- Sam and Josh aren't gonna like it.
- They'll have to live with it.
- The only races I've ever lost...
...are ones where the candidate didn't
listen or advice didn't get through.
- That won't happen this time.
- It seems your job is to wait...
...until Doug leaves the room and then
say,"What Doug really meant was... ."
How much they pay you for that?
Sometimes it's my job to say it
when he's in the room.
- Mrs. Bartlet, I wanna talk to you...
- Dr. Bartlet.
When did I stop being Dr. Bartlet?
When in the campaign...
...did I decide that women were gonna
like me more if I called myself"Mrs."?
One day, I'll get called to the
Situation Room and it'll be good news.
We'll have discovered
buried treasure.
Or it turns out there's
life on Andromeda...
...and they think we're doing
a good job. When's that day coming?
- When's that gonna happen?
- Settle down.
- What do you need?
- The Pac Fleet commander...
...informed us he lost contact with the
USS Portland, a Seawolf class sub.
- What were their orders?
- They were on a close-in.
They were supposed to
report in yesterday at 1400.
They were gonna surface
to periscope depth...
...and download deterrence
intelligence data.
They've gone quiet,
they're a submarine.
- Sure. Maybe.
- But?
They usually call in
and say they're going quiet.
- Other possibilities?
- They've lost power...
...and are drifting in hostile waters.
- What hostile waters?
They're in the Yellow Sea, their last
location was 60 miles west of Seoul.
We haven't heard from them
and they're in North Korea?
What do we have ready if we need to
order a massive rescue mission?
We put two DSRVs on alert
from Ballast Point, San Diego.
Two C-141 Starlifters are on alert at
North Island, ready to get a rescue crew.
They'll meet up with Seawolfs
stationed off Japan...
...each carrying 50 Tomahawks.
They practice for this all the time...
...but we shouldn't do it.
- Why not?
- I think they've gone quiet.
- You said they usually call.
- They usually do.
- I've gotta tell the president.
He'll hit the panic button.
If the Portland went quiet...
...somebody's sitting on top of them.
They know what to do.
I'll be back.
- Their propellers aren't going.
- No.
- They know I wanna leave now?
- Yes.
- The propellers aren't going.
- Maybe they're saving fuel.
That makes sense. Also, there's a
chance I can get hit getting on or off.
- Excuse me?
- Sir?
You think I'm not tall enough to get
hit by the propellers on Marine One?
Dikembe Mutombo isn't tall enough
to get hit by the propellers.
I duck when I get on that helicopter.
You should too. It's good safety sense.
- Yes, sir.
- They know I wanna leave?
- Yes, sir.
- Filing day, Charlie.
Last to get on the ballot
in New Hampshire. I'm going myself.
- I could send an aide.
- You're going yourself?
- Always have, always will.
- There's nothing left to run for.
Fair enough. Always have, never will.
But I'm going myself. You know why?
- It's a statement about democracy?
- A profound statement about democracy.
- Are you mocking me?
- No, sir.
- That was a crack about my height before?
- No... Yeah, it was.
- You all set to leave?
- I am. I'm going myself.
It's a profound statement
about democracy.
It's not a problem.
I'm up and back in two hours.
It's great and I know
how much you love doing it.
- It's one of my all-time favorite...
- You can't go.
Why not?
This is something that
sounds worse than it is...
...because of your inexperience
with the military.
- What is it?
- Okay.
The USS Portland is a Seawolf-class...
...or big nuclear submarine.
- Yeah.
It has a crew of 137.
It is loaded down with highly classified
intelligence gathering equipment.
- It's in the waters off North Korea.
- Right.
- We don't have it right now.
- What does"we don't have it" mean?
Well, as you know, with our ships,
our boats and our submarines...
...we keep in pretty close touch
with radar, sonar...
...satellites, radio, encrypted messages.
And we don't have the Portland now.
- We don't have it?
- We do not.
- And they're in North Korea?
- Yes. Last we heard.
So we're gonna set up meetings
in the next few hours.
Plus, if anything happens,
I don't like people knowing...
...you were running for election
while the boat was out there.
I think I'll go ahead
and cancel that trip...
...if only to stay and see how this
sounds worse than it really is.
- I'll stick around too.
- I think you will.
- Hey, I'm here.
- I'm glad.
- What's this song about?
- This is"I'm Too Sexy."
- For his shirt he's too sexy.
- Other things too.
- He lists them.
- Well, I think he's feeling good.
- I think he's feeling sexy.
- Too sexy.
I think it's the kind of thing where
someone says,"This is just too good."
- Hyperbole?
- Yeah.
So it's not a problem? It's not a song
about somebody having a problem?
No. He's feeling good,
that's why he's singing.
- You see the wires?
- Not yet, is there anything?
The majority leader was doing
news in Cleveland. They asked him...
...why he wants to be president.
- What did he say?
- I really don't know.
- Wait a second.
- He got the question and he...?
- It was a train wreck.
- I recognized all the words...
- Get me the transcript.
Ten-hut.
Where's the submarine, Nancy?
I don't wanna hear"I don't know."
I wanna hear how many people
are out there looking for it.
- And I thought you were gonna panic.
- I happen to agree with the president...
...who on military matters is smarter...
- Shut up.
- How long can the crew survive?
- We don't know what's going on.
- Want the worst-case scenario?
- Yes.
If they're flooding, it could be hours.
How close are these guys to landfall?
About 4000 yards off the
southern coast of Kaesong in Haeju Bay.
Four thousand yards!
They get that close?
Yes, they set a wiretap on a cable in
North Korea's coastal operations zone.
- Four thousand yards?
- Yeah.
Can they send a distress signal?
They can, but they won't
if they think they'll be detected.
They would wait to send a signal
and risk their lives?
Mr. President, submariners understand
that if they sink...
...it won't be a rescue,
it'll be a recovery.
They measure risk and rewards
not just in terms of their lives...
...but in terms of national interest.
- Well, that's great.
I assess the national interest by
the number of people alive.
You have four hours before I order
the Pacific Fleet into Haeju Bay.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
We need to weigh in
with somebody at State.
- I agree. Is Peter still recovering?
- Yes.
All right, we'll talk to someone else,
someone we trust. Anybody but...
- Albie Duncan.
- Anybody but him.
No, I'm saying
it's gotta be Albie Duncan.
- He knows what to say.
- So does Peter.
- Peter's recovering from heart surgery.
- Was it serious heart surgery?
We gotta meet with Albie.
He's gonna scold me.
He's been at the State Department
since Truman. He thinks I'm a kid...
...and that he outranks me.
- You'll be fine.
I gotta tell him I lost a submarine.
Can I make something up like, say:
-"What if my friend hypothetically...?"
- We'll meet with him when he's here.
Bring a copy of the Constitution.
I wanna show him I'm not scared.
- Morning.
- Can you devise a campaign strategy...
...that involves beating up Leo?
- Why not?
Okay, let's get started.
Where's Toby?
- He's in the...
- I don't care.
These are direct-mail leaflets.
"Bartlet: Hopelessly Liberal."
"Bartlet: Super-Liberal."
"Bartlet: Liberal, Liberal, Liberal."
- These aren't coming from our side?
- No.
- Wanna run an ad?
- The most dangerous time...
...in an incumbent's campaign
is before there is opposition.
- The hearings are around the corner.
- There's a stealth war going on.
- Leaflets, flyers, phone trees.
- How much is it gonna cost?
One million five for this one.
But in the next three months...
...I'll need eight million
for new ads and air time.
Work up an ad for 60 bucks
and a waffle and we'll talk.
- Sam.
- We need the money in lowa in 9 weeks.
If you don't spend now,
we'll have problems.
- We don't know if there's a challenger.
- If there is, scare him.
The best way to do that isn't
to keep the war chest intact?
- You're talking about hard money.
- Yeah.
I'm talking about hard money.
What are you talking about?
- Excuse me.
- Listen, Toby...
- What does $ 105 million mean to you?
- What?
I just got tipped that the new budget
will include $ 105 million...
...for the National Park Service. I can't
remember what that number means.
- I don't know.
- Anybody?
- No.
- Give me a few minutes, I'll be back.
Does $ 105 million
mean anything to you?
- I'm a simple girl, Toby.
- Yes. Yes, you are.
- Bonnie, 105 million?
- My answer hasn't changed.
- Toby.
- C.J.
- What in...?
- He got the question.
The Majority leader, last night,
local news, Cleveland, Ohio.
Cleveland, Ohio. He got the question.
- Which?
- Why do you wanna be president?
- What'd he say?
-"The reason I'd run, were I to run...
...is I have a great belief
in this country and in this people...
...that go into making this country
a nation with the greatest resources...
...and population of people,
educated people."
I'll spread it around.
C.J.?
The new budget will have 105 million
for the National Park Service.
- Does 105 million mean anything to you?
- No.
But it's the same amount as the budget
for the National Endowment for the Arts.
- Get me...
- I'll get her on the phone.
- Why, Dr. Bartlet.
- Don't start with me, Oliver.
- Start what?
- If you give me grief about my ankle...
...do it quickly, so we can
move on with this rectal probe.
- Know why I call you doctor?
- I have a medical license?
You have a medical license.
And when I look at you...
...I think about health.
Goodness, what happened
to your ankle, Dr. Bartlet?
- I broke it. Otherwise, I'd ram it up...
- How did you break it?
It was in the newspapers,
I'm sure you read about it.
- I read Le Monde. Was it in Le Monde?
- I don't know, I don't read Le Monde.
- Pity.
- I was hiking, Oliver. I was hiking.
- Are you that much an enemy of nature?
- Nature is to be protected from.
Nature, like a woman,
will seduce you with its sights...
...and its scents and its touch...
...and then it breaks your ankle,
also like a woman.
What the hell kind of dates
are you going on, Oliver?
- I hear you.
- Yeah.
Here's what you should do, and I'm
speaking to you as White House Counsel.
Make a national address
encouraging women not to go hiking...
...or at least not ask me
to go with them.
- Can we work?
- Jonathan Hawkings, Nina Alva...
...Maurice Blustein, Jessica Nording.
They mean anything?
- Where did you get them?
- Democrats on Oversight.
- They're on the witness list?
- Yes.
Those are some of the patients involved
in malpractice suits against me.
How many have there been altogether?
Four were immediately dismissed
as nuisance suits.
I went to court on two and won.
One was settled.
- The life of a doctor.
- From this witness list...
...it is becoming clear what the
president's biggest liability will be.
- What?
- You.
- Tawny.
- Throne, by Rain Billings...
...a photographer from North Dakota
whose work consists of Polaroids...
...of his dysfunctional family
in the bathroom.
One Horse-Two Horse,
by Marc Moloney.
He calls himself an installation artist.
It's two big-screen TVs...
...side by side, one with footage
of stallions running in reverse...
...the other one showing The Godfather.
"Slut" is a one-word poem...
...by Jules Waltz.
It's stamped in scarlet...
...on a piece of 40-by-40 black canvas.
Here's a woman who gets naked,
covers herself in chocolate...
...and sings. Does that appeal to you?
- I am not wild about musicals.
They're all funded by Oakenwood during
his chairmanship of the Endowment.
You're dissolving the Endowment
to give money to Parks?
Hold the Lettuce. Lydia Benedict's
two bacon-cheeseburgers...
...were constructed from burlap
and rottweiler dung.
It's not me,
it's the committee I work for.
Look...
- Excuse me. Hey, Tawny.
- Sam.
- Have you heard of Andrew Hawkins?
- No.
You funded his performance
where he destroyed...
...all his belongings outside
a Starbucks in Haight-Ashbury.
I did that a couple times. I didn't know
there was funding available.
- Can I talk to you a second?
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
- Appropriations wants to eliminate NEA.
- What's going on in there?
- He wants to run ads.
- With what?
- Soft money.
All right, I'll be in when I can.
Oh, hey. You know what?
The NEA, that's 105 million.
Yeah.
Sam, did you hear?
- The majority leader got the question.
- And?
- Get me the transcript.
- We've got an answer, right?
- To what?
- If asked why he wants to be president.
I'm sure we do.
I've gotta get back in there.
Arlene Neiderlander.
The wife of a patient upon whom I
performed a coronary artery bypass graft.
She filed a wrongful-death suit,
claiming he died...
...as a result of complications
due to surgery.
- Did he?
- He developed an infection...
...like two percent of CABG surgeries,
in his case, mediastinitis.
He was 74, diabetic,
and the infection spread to his liver.
New York Superior Court Judge Nguyen
dismissed the case.
Oliver, draw a line for me
from the malpractice suits...
...to the Committee's investigation
of the president.
It's an investigation of you too, Abbey.
You had prescriptions filled in your
name, which you gave to the president.
- But that in itself?
- Hang on.
You're not a medical expert,
you didn't keep records...
...you violated medical practices
in three states.
And most important, you're his wife...
...which is a violation
of the AMA's ethics code.
How is this the purview of House
Government Reform and Oversight?
It's not.
They don't have a criminal case
against the president, do they?
- No.
- But they can develop one against me.
- Yeah.
- And in going after me...
...they can paint the president.
- Sure.
- Distract him from governing.
Distract the public's attention
from the campaign.
Yeah.
It was an infection.
It was a liver infection.
- Should we keep going?
- Yeah.
- You know what we're talking about?
- Sure.
Do you know what we're talking about?
I wanna make sure Connie knows.
I know what we're talking about.
Sam?
- You know what we're talking about?
- We're talking about unlimited...
...unregulated money that can be
raised in staggering amounts.
It's not like there's a law that
envisioned soft money. No law bans it.
It's a loophole so big you could
race the America's Cup through it.
How can he oppose it
one year and take it the next?
Where will he be on
campaign-finance reform tomorrow?
Exactly where he is today.
Leading the charge against it.
In the meantime, Congress and the FEC
have been sitting on their hands.
Is that our fault? No. Now Bartlet
should obey a law that doesn't exist?
What's next, imaginary street signs?
Excuse me,
but there's such a thing as... .
- What?
- There's such a thing as... .
What?
Okay, we're gonna
sit quietly for a moment.
Okay.
Leadership by example. There's
such a thing as leadership by example.
It comes right before
getting your ass kicked in an election.
We're really talking about this, huh?
- Toby's gonna be in in a minute.
- Every single election.
Yes.
- Legislature, House, governor.
- Yeah.
- President.
- It's a statement about democracy.
I've heard it before, I was just...
- Is he here?
- Yes, sir.
It's a profound statement
about democracy.
- Mr. President.
- Good morning, Albie.
- Good morning. Hello, Leo.
- Good to see you, Albie.
Can I get you anything?
Some coffee? A soft drink?
- No, sir.
- Okay. Okay.
I've asked you here because you
are the Assistant Secretary of State...
...and I am the president.
- What have you done?
- You see, right away.
- Don't worry about it.
The Pac Fleet commander has informed
us we've lost contact with the Portland.
The Portland's a Seawolf class?
Where is it?
- Lake George.
- Somewhere in Haeju Bay.
You've lost a nuclear submarine
in North Korea, Mr. President.
Thanks, Albie. That much the National
Security Council has made clear to me.
- Any chance they've gone quiet?
- Nancy thinks there is.
- I'm assuming they didn't radio.
- No.
If they were in trouble,
they wouldn't send a distress signal...
...because they might be detected and
submariners have different criteria...
...when assessing risk versus reward.
He knows.
- Okay, I'll just stand over there.
- Where are we?
The president wants to give four hours
before a rescue. We're an hour into it.
- All the pieces in place?
- Yeah.
- Who do we talk to in the meantime?
- Nobody.
You sure? We don't talk
to the North Koreans?
And tell them what?
You've got casus belli?
Cause for war.
Little thing called Latin.
If we tell North Korea we've violated
their waters, it could be interpreted...
...as an act of war?
- It is an act of war.
- We'll tell them it's not.
- It is.
You violated international law.
You've taken provocative action. At best
you'd create a crisis atmosphere...
...and North Korea's got the
fourth largest army in the world.
1968, the USS Pueblo...
...was on an intelligence mission
off the DPRK.
North Korea attacks
with vessels and a MiG jet.
The 82 surviving crew are captured.
They're held and tortured
for 11 months...
...until we issue an apology
for the grave acts...
...of espionage committed
by the U.S. ship.
- I was there.
- Okay.
- Can I talk to you alone for a second?
- Yeah.
- Let's not call North Korea just yet.
- No.
Leo, gut feeling.
Has the boat gone quiet?
Yeah.
Trust the captain, trust the crew.
All right. Three more hours.
I think Albie should stay.
He can talk us through some things.
If we need to start
making calls he'll be helpful.
Also, he'll be good to have around for
morale because he's Mr. Happy Fun Guy.
- Look...
- I'm gonna ask you to stay for a while.
Well, then, I'll take that
soft drink now...
...if you've got it, Mr. President.
Just a little Schweppes
Bitter Lemon on ice with a twist.
Charlie!
- Yes, sir.
- Could you have someone bring some...
...Schweppes Bitter Lemon and a copy of
the constitutional order of succession?
Yes, sir.
New paragraph: As always, your
thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated.
Also appreciated was the
visit to the White House...
...by some 50 of your constituents
on board a bus...
...that was chartered by your office.
Their complaints were respectfully
heard by my assistant...
...and I regret that matters
escalated to the point...
...where she felt it necessary
to call in the Park Police.
You'll be happy to know
that their bus has been refueled...
...and the seniors
are on their way home...
...each having been allowed to keep
their security tags as a souvenir.
- Look...
- Signed. Do it.
- Hey.
- You got a second?
Type that.
- I was just...
- Type it.
- May I use your computer?
- What's wrong with yours?
One of them poured Wheatena
on the keyboard.
Go ahead.
We had a little problem earlier.
What's up?
The majority leader
got the question last night.
And just kept on digging.
"We have the greatest technology
of any country in the world...
...along with the greatest, not the
greatest, but very serious problems...
...confronting our people,
and I want to be president...
...in order to focus on these problems
in a way that uses...
...the energy of our people
to move us forward, basically."
- Yes.
- It's the"basically" that makes it art.
The best thing we can do is step back.
We can't be seen to be gloating.
Yeah, we do that
when nobody's looking.
- Anything else?
- No.
- They poured Wheatena on her keyboard.
- Listen...
...how good is our answer?
- It's good.
- Really?
What is it?
Do we have one?
I'm sure we have one.
- Will you check? Will you check today?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
No, the problem is that Oakenwood
thinks that the mission of the NEA...
...is to subsidize artists
in this country.
The mission of the NEA is to
subsidize artists in this country.
- Then that's the problem.
- In fact, it's to subsidize art.
Go ahead and explain
that distinction in Topeka.
They're bright. No artists you
mentioned received direct money...
...from the Endowments because the last
time Republicans tried losing the NEA...
...not three times ago, but last time,
we got rid of the individual grants.
And Oakenwood found
a back door by giving money...
...directly to the museums
that put on...
Toby, do you like this stuff?
You'd need the Budweiser Clydesdales
to drag me to Picasso and Monet.
I'm not the guy you want deciding this.
You're not the guy I want deciding this.
I don't know where you get the idea
taxpayers shouldn't have to pay...
...for anything of which
they disapprove.
Lots of them don't like tanks.
Even more don't like Congress.
- Hi.
- Lisa Mulberry, 28...
...specializes in placing genitalia
in anatomically incorrect...
- Excuse us.
- Sure.
Look, we can't spend soft money
on a primary ad anyway, so...
- No, he's passing the magic-words test.
- What test?
U.S. Supreme Court,
Buckley v. Valeo.
The Court created a loophole
by ruling that campaign-finance laws...
...only apply to communications
that in express terms...
...advocate the election or defeat
of a candidate...
...for Federal office.
If you don't put"Vote Bartlet"
in the ad...
...you can pay for it with unmarked
bills from a bank heist if you want to.
There's also Footnote 52, where the
Court said campaign-finance laws...
...only apply to communications with the
terms"vote for,""elect,""support"...
..."cast your ballot for,""vote
against,""defeat,""reject." That's it.
I'm savant-like.
- If it doesn't use those specific words?
- It is an issue ad.
You know what they say
about money in politics.
- It's like water on pavement.
- Why?
- That's a good...
- It finds every crack and crevice.
The standard should be,"Does the ad
try to influence the outcome?
- If so, you can't use soft money."
- Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Sam.
- Excuse me?
- That isn't what the standard is.
Now, I think we should run in the
same election as everybody else.
Toby?
I've gotta go back in there.
When I come back, show me an ad
without the magic words.
- Francis Pendleton.
- Frank.
- This was the case you settled?
- Yeah.
$58,000 payout from SVM Mutual.
- Why wasn't that out in the campaign?
- Confidentiality clause.
No one would know that figure unless
they subpoenaed the Pendleton papers.
They did.
- You performed an atrioventricular...
- Is there a deal to be made?
Is there?
Oliver, I raise my right hand, they're
halfway to where they wanna be.
- Is there a deal?
- Can't guarantee they'll be interested.
- But they might be.
- If putting you on the stand is too risky.
Why would it be a risk for them?
You know the story of the man who
breaks into the pharmacy for medicine.
A life is saved, a window's broken.
Right.
- And I get to pay to have it fixed.
- So they might be interested.
- What would they want?
- At best?
Start with at worst.
- At worst?
- Yeah.
Suspended jail sentence
of three to five years.
What's the one right above that?
USS Glomar, top-secret debacle.
Project Jennifer.
Glomar goes after Clementine,
the sunken Russian Golf.
Six feet a minute, that's how fast
we pulled her up.
Then, all of a sudden:
Her claw breaks in two.
The Golf dangles loose, one sub
from another, steel ripping off.
Everything we needed,
including its nuclear missile...
...its transmitters,
its code books, everything, gone.
The USS Gudgeon, 1957.
Eight Soviet ships caught her,
kept her cornered for four days.
The oxygen depletion,
migraines, fainting.
You couldn't cook.
You couldn't light a cigarette.
- They smoke in subs?
- They used to.
The Oklahoma...
...the Hornet,
the Lexington, a CV-2...
...the USS Wasp.
The Wasp was a CV-7
out in the Solomon Islands... .
God, I'm sorry. Am I still here?
You lost your boat in the
wrong part of the world.
I haven't lost the boat yet,
Mr. Secretary.
I'm the only one who thinks we should
send the fast-attack subs right now.
And I'm an hour away from gathering
the NSC and calling Japan.
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
I say you lost your boat
in the wrong part of the world.
- Albie...
- It was a UN action, Mr. Secretary.
Sixteen countries were involved
in that police action, Mr. Secretary.
Thirty-three, 34,000 American dead.
How come we're the only ones still
fighting? Where did everybody go?
Well, Colombia's fighting a drug war.
Ethiopia's trying to feed itself.
Belgium and the Netherlands,
they have cheese and chocolate to make.
- Sir? Josh.
- Send him in.
- Good afternoon, sir.
- Hey, Josh.
- Joshua.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Secretary.
- Anything going on I should know about?
- We're just catching up.
- This can wait for another time.
- Give it to me. I want a distraction.
- No, it's all right.
- Give it to me.
- It's campaign related.
- That's okay.
Well, the majority leader
got the question last night.
- He tanked.
- We're putting together...
...an answer for when you get it.
- The question?
- Why do you wanna be president?
- I don't.
Well, we'll put that in the hopper
and show you a draft.
- Good.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
Leo?
Fifty-five minutes.
This is a time of dizzying change
and progress around the world.
I'm running for re-election because
I wanna make sure...
...that all our people can share
in 21 st-century jobs...
Jobs and industries
we can't even imagine today...
...bring the benefits of new medical
advancements to all our families...
And harness new technology
and the Internet...
...as a force
for faster economic growth...
Better education and a freer exchange
of ideas around the world.
- There it is.
- That's fine.
- You wanna say something?
- No.
I thought it was...
It's got crisp, commanding phrases.
It's got active verbs like"harness."
It paints a picture of the future.
Someone wants to be president for
medical research and the Internet?
- She's got a point.
- Sometimes you get your face on a coin.
Okay, this shouldn't be hard.
You should charge money for this.
Sell tickets...
...and charge money and call it
"Journey Back to Germany"...
...where in 1937 they held a show
of degenerate art...
...vilifying art they deemed sick,
art featuring mockery of the divine...
...art that wasted the taxes
of the German working people.
Well, how much do you think
we could get?
- Look...
- I think it's in incredibly bad taste...
...to equate the U.S. Congress
with the Nazis.
Me too. In Europe and Japan they're
spending between 1.5 and 3 billion...
...on the arts. Congress thinks
105 million is indulgent?
- Yes.
- There is a connection...
...between the progress
of a society and progress in the arts.
The age of Pericles
was also the age of Phidias.
The age of Lorenzo de' Medici
was also the age of Leonardo da Vinci.
The age of Elizabeth
was the age of Shakespeare.
Ain't none of these guys
da Vinci or Shakespeare.
Says you.
Let's wait till November,
see how many voters agree with me.
National Parks?
National Park security.
Security?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Yeah.
The parks are safe, Tawny.
We spend a lot of money on that.
They could be safer.
And the money for that
could come from someplace else.
- Like where?
- Like...
New taxes?
Yeah.
What do you want?
Get rid of Oakenwood.
We'll find the money someplace else.
Get rid of Oakenwood?
Yeah.
What if I agree to a suspension
of my license?
I agree to a suspension of my license
for the length of Jed's term.
If he serves a second term,
it includes those years too.
- All three states?
- New Hampshire, Missouri and Arizona.
I pay a fine. I pay a fine...
...and the violation is recorded
in the Practitioners Databank.
I resign from boards and organizations.
That gives them a win, right?
- Yeah.
- So, what do you think?
You're not my client. It's not my job
to protect your medical license.
- What do you think?
- I think it's good.
Any White House Counsel
would think that.
Will you help me
convince the president?
- It stinks.
- You just said it was good.
- It stinks.
- In a good way?
You broke some laws.
You should be ashamed of yourself...
...but this investigation
isn't about that.
It's about the criminalization of politics.
An attempt to do what they
couldn't do at the ballot box.
- But we don't have the luxury...
- Stop eating fruits and vegetables.
It's doing something bad to you.
Fruits and vegetables will seduce you
like a woman with...
Truth isn't a luxury. You're gonna
go in there, you're gonna swear an oath.
You're gonna get asked questions
and tell the truth.
It's the way you stand up
and say,"Stop."
You should be careful, Oliver.
You keep talking like a person,
they'll kick you out of the bar.
I've been kicked out of bars before.
- I meant...
- I know what you meant.
Instead of"Jed Bartlet's fighting
to rebuild crumbling schools"...
...we'll make it,"We're fighting
to rebuild crumbling schools."
And we've got a picture
of the president on the screen.
Yeah, and we change
"Vote Bartlet for America"...
...to"Paid for by
Democrats for America."
- You changed five words.
- Magic words.
- They're not magic.
- It's illusion.
- It's a scam.
- Yeah.
- Where are we?
- Bruno and Connie...
...have fought their way out of
our campaign-finance laws.
- It's an issue ad.
- It's a candidate ad with words changed.
- Magic words.
- Connie.
I don't know any other way
to fight fire, Toby.
Why are you bent on
countering these leaflets?
Because I am tired
of working for candidates...
...who make me think I should be
embarrassed to believe what I believe.
I'm tired of getting them elected.
We need therapy because somebody
came along and said liberal means...
...soft on crime, soft on drugs,
soft on Communism...
...soft on defense. And we're gonna
tax you back to the Stone Age...
...because people shouldn't have to
go to work if they don't want to.
And instead of saying,"Well, excuse me,
you right-wing, reactionary...
...xenophobic, homophobic,
anti-education, anti-choice...
...pro-gun, Leave it to Beaver
trip back to the '50s"...
...we cowered in the corner and said:
"Please, don't hurt me."
No more.
I really don't care who's right,
who's wrong.
We're both right. We're both wrong.
Let's have two parties, huh?
What do you say?
I agree.
- Toby...
- Let's stick to the spirit of the law.
The spirit of the law
means no soft money.
I'm saying let's do an issue ad,
an actual issue ad.
Let's do a bunch.
Health care, equal opportunity.
School construction.
Anyone think raising awareness
of crumbling schools won't help us?
There's actually
a reasonable point here.
New polls see Republicans as better
on education with no basis for it.
The ad could spark a debate
on the issue, which would help.
And we take a parallel path
in our free media.
Across America our schools
are crumbling.
Holes in the walls, kids packed
into trailers like sardines in a can.
Half of America's schools
are in disrepair.
And when schools fall down,
so do test scores.
- This isn't bad, I like this.
- Yes.
- Why am I nervous?
- It's not amoral.
Yeah.
Okay.
Across America
schools are crumbling.
...sweeping Wonsan Harbor
near Sindo Island...
...turned to starboard,
hit a mine. Sank.
The USS Gurke, the St. Paul...
...the Irwin, a DD-794...
...the John W. Morrison,
which took 150 rounds...
...of 107 mm air bursts
from a shore battery at Hodo Pando.
- 1953, the Manchester...
- Okay.
- I beg your pardon?
- It's time.
- You still got 10 minutes by my watch.
- Yeah, we're going now.
- You contact Pac Fleet?
- Pac Fleet contacts Ballast Point.
- In San Diego, right?
- Yes. We've got a C-141 Starlifter...
...at North Island.
It'll transport the DSRVs.
- What do they do?
- They'll dock with Whiskey-Three.
- Whiskey-Three?
- It's Portland's code name.
Rescue team blows out
the docking collar...
...and survivors will exit
in groups of 24.
How many trips will it take?
- Six trips to offload them all.
- What about injured?
There will be a medical team. Seriously
injured will be medevaced to Tokyo.
- Let's go get them. Time's up.
- We have Whiskey-Three-Charlie...
...on sat high com.
- What does that mean?
- The Portland is on satellite.
- What does that mean?
- We have them.
- Whiskey-Three-Charlie...
... this is Pac Fleet,
report your whiskey, over.
Whiskey-Three-Charlie, whiskey is
36. 6 degrees north by 110 west.
Went quiet to avoid close aboard
contact with Luda-class destroyer.
Mechanical situation 's at full op.
Whiskey-Three-Charlie, this is
Pac Fleet. Roger all. Happy hunting.
All right.
Okay.
There they are.
See, they went deep and quiet...
...to avoid a close aboard
with a Luda-class destroyer.
What you gotta do in these
situations is, you trust the captain...
...you trust the crew.
Yes, sir.
- Hey.
- Good afternoon, sir.
- It got filed?
- Yes, sir.
- It got filed?
- Yes, sir.
- So I'm on the ballot in New Hampshire?
- Yeah.
Okay.
When Romans ran
for the office of consul...
- Did I just see you roll your eyes?
- No, sir.
They wore whitened togas to show
their intent. A bit silly, perhaps.
- Perhaps.
- It was an act of personal commission.
I know how much you like to think
of yourself as a man of the people...
...Roman references and all...
...but you're the only one who can
launch our nuclear weapons.
You travel in a
fully secured perimeter.
You rescue submarines.
Maybe it's time for it to be okay
that an aide delivers a piece of paper.
You're pretty mouthy today.
C.J. 's waiting inside, sir.
- Hey.
- Good afternoon, Mr. President.
Hey.
Do you duck when you're
getting on Marine One?
No, sir. Should I?
I think the blades are high enough.
The majority leader
got the question last night.
- He went to the zoo.
- Yeah. Listen...
...I want you to go easy on him.
He's conscientious and dedicated.
It's not an easy question.
- Can you answer it?
- Why do I want to be president?
Yeah.
I've been thinking about it
for the last couple of hours.
I almost had it.