The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 1, Episode 17 - The White House Pro-Am - full transcript

When the Federal Reserve Chairmen dies, Bartlet must quickly choose a successor in order to avoid a financial chaos. However, he is reluctant to pick the obvious choice for Fed Chair, who used to be Abby's boyfriend. The matter is worsened when Danny Concanon receives a quote from the first lady saying she supports her ex-boyfriend, leaving Bartlett more irate. Meanwhile, Josh and Toby are courting congressman in order to get more votes for a bill they already won. However, a congresswoman, who felt 'betrayed' by Abby, poses a threat to the bill.


Have you seen the first lady?

Do you know how many other people
I could have married?

I've been trying to
be a better boyfriend.

This is one of the times it's okay.

- It's hard to tell the difference.
- Doesn't that suck for you?

- This is Gina Toscano.
- Zoey's got a new agent.

Walking around campus with a wire.

- White supremacists?
- I'm not sure.

But I know what I'm looking for
in a crowd.

Zoey, walk on the other side of me.

Thirty seconds.

If you're nervous, I'll know
and mock you on national television.

People might think it's cruel
for me to mock a boy...

...who gets nervous talking in front
of millions of people, but I'll do it.

- I understand.
- Jeffrey, I was kidding.

Now, if you do get nervous,
just look at me or your parents.

But you won't get nervous.
If you do, I'll beat you up.

Not me, personally.
I have people to do it for me.

Ten seconds.

- I should have worn the gray suit.
- You're good.

And here we go.

25 minutes past the hour
and 42 degrees outside our studios.

Abigail Bartlet is no stranger
to the fight for children's health...

... and she's taken the time
to speak with us today.

- Good morning.
-You're speaking from the Mural Room.

I'm here to introduce
this young man, Jeffrey Morgan.

Jeffrey helped open my eyes
to child labor exploitation.

You started your organization because
of a pen pal who was in trouble.

- When did Jeffrey happen?

- Sam.
- When did Jeffrey happen?

- I dug it up for her. You'll love him.
- Let's find out.

Your organization, the Kids '...

-The Children's Crusade.
-I'm sorry.

The organization was created when
your pen pal was sold into slavery.

It's not what it's called
in India, but that's what it is.

Panshin's mother borrowed $25 and
Panshin had to work to pay the loan.

He's good.

She borrowed the money
from a loan shark.

Then Panshin worked for the loan
shark but couldn't pay the loan.

- Here's my thing.
- What?

What if the president brings the
leadership here for the budget talks?

- Why?
- We want the news cycle.

She's got the National Press Club
tomorrow. We want the news cycle.

- It doesn't belong to us.
- You know what I'm talking about.

We want the president going
to Congress for a compromise.

- He's in a car. He's not Henry Clay.
- It's a symbol.

Your guy steps out of a car and it's
above the fold. My guy's on page 23.

Our guy won an election.
Something you have to get used to.

Your guy has a 48% approval rating.
My guy's at 61. And bite me.

Point well argued.

Mrs. Bartlet, does the company know
its contractors are using child labor?

If not, they're criminally negligent.
If they do, they're simply criminal.

- There it is.
- That was a good pitch to hit.

Come on, see Toby.
Give us some room to run.

Change the channel.
Hi. Turn to channel 5.

- What happened?
- Bernie Dahl died.

... in darkness and silence.

... suffering a massive heart attack...

... was pronounced dead
at John Hopkins.

The chief architect in the longest
economic expansion in history...

... was in his second term
as chairman of the Federal Reserve.

You lost your news cycle.

- Is there gonna be a coup?
- Excuse me?

- Is there gonna be a coup?
- No.

We believe they'll appoint successors
from many groups, including the Ibo.

They've been complaining.

- This is on page...?
- 17 in the classified book.

- Page 17.
- Excuse me, Mr. President.

Excuse me, please.

Intelligence briefings. Sometimes I
just nod my head. That can't be good.

Bernie Dahl had a heart attack.

He died about an hour ago
on the way to the hospital.

- Bad timing.
- I'll say.

- Who knows?
- We got it off the news.

- Market's gonna open 200 points down.
- If we're lucky.

- When's the last time we were lucky?
- Super Tuesday.

It's gonna be 300, 350.

- Announce Ron Erlich.
- Not yet.

Announce Erlich
as Dahl's successor.

- Not yet.
- Do it today, everybody calms down.

I'm not sure it's Erlich.

It's the Fed chairman.
Give me a day.

- It'll be expensive.
- How expensive?

You say 300 points.
It could be more.

- Wall Street needs to trust me.
- Should I tell them that?

I'll tell you what else.
You could've been nicer.

- How?
- By saying Wall Street trusts me...

...and the market will hold
until I appoint a chairman.

Just give me a minute to call
my broker and dump my portfolio.

I'm taking the day.

I'm gonna leak it's Erlich.
It'll calm things down.

- No.
- Mr. President...

I'm not ready to jump into bed
with Ron Erlich yet.

Making me one of the few people
in my family who can say that.

Yes, sir.

- That was page 17.
- Yes, sir. The leader of the....

- I'm reading this book.
- I'm on the phone.

You're on hold. The light's blinking.

- What book?
- About life 100 years ago.

The fact that I'm on hold isn't a cue
to tell me about life 100 years ago.

100 years ago, women washed their hair
once a month with borax or egg yolks.

Florence was in the top 10 names.

- In five minutes.
- Now it's not in the top 10,000.

- Excuse me. What?
- It isn't in the top 10,000 names...

- I'm actually back on the phone now.
- I'll wait.

Toby's gonna be fine.
Don't worry about it.

- Toby's in his office?
- The population of Las Vegas was 22.

- I'm going. But keep talking.
- Here.

- Thank you.
- You know what else?

- Drive-by shootings were a problem.
- What were they driving? Horses.

Young boys on horseback, riding
through town shooting stagecoaches.

- When do you read?
- It's important to make time.

- And you do it here.
- I'm adaptable.

Among other things.

C.J. needs a reason for waiting that
doesn't say we're reconsidering.

- I just gave her one.
- What?


The man just died.
Out of respect for his memory....

- It would be wrong to name...
- Respect works.

- I'm going to the gym today.
- That doesn't interest me.

Bernie Dahl has a heart attack
out of nowhere?

- It's his fifth. He's 138.
- I haven't been to the gym in weeks.

How much healthier do you wanna be?

If anybody needs me,
I'll be at the gym.

- I'm gonna live longer than you.
- Don't count on it.

We are waiting a day
out of respect.

- For whom?
- The dead. And how I wish I were.

- You'll love this meeting.
- Bet you I'm not.

- It's locked down.
- I know.

With 15 votes to spare!

There's value to having
these congressmen.

- What is it?
- A public demonstration...

...that the liberal base
hasn't turned their backs.

In the case of these three...

...I'd like a public demonstration
that they've turned and run.

- You think it's beneath you to ask.
- It is!

It's sewn up by 15!
We've got the trade bill.

It's bipartisan. We're the victors.
I'm not going in, hat in my hand.

No one's asking you to.
We're gonna do good cop, bad cop.

- No, we're really not.
- Why not?

This isn't Hawaii Five-O.
I'll be the cop that doesn't go.

You have to go. If you're not there,
they'll start out insulted.

- If I go, they'll end up insulted.
- Let's go.

I need to get to exercise more.
Exercise more, eat better.

You're gonna sit
in that room and behave.

You'll sit there
while I court their votes...

...and you are going to smile
to indicate warmth.

I can still kick the crap out of you.

Then what are we waiting for?
I'll be nice.

- The president's serious.
- Shouldn't be.

So you've said, but they're here
so I guess he disagrees with you.

I understand. Let's go.

You're going to sit there. If you
open your mouth, say something nice.

It's sewn up. By 15 votes.

Good morning. How are you?
Nice to see you. Thanks for coming.

He is saddened by the death.

For 11 years, Dahl oversaw
the largest economic expansion ever...

...and I assure you he will be...

- Missed.
- Is Ron Erlich the new Fed chair?

- The candidates...
- Who's on the short list?

I want to be clear. No list exists.

As number two man at the Reserve,
Erlich is a candidate.

- Sydney Bloom?
- A candidate.

- Lawrence Ottenberg?
- A candidate.

Mrs. Bartlet's declared
a preference for Erlich.

Will that weigh in
on the president's decision?

- I'm not aware of that.
- It's a wire piece.

People say she'd hoped he'd appoint
Erlich when Dahl's term expired.

I don't know who the people are, but
it's possible, on a social occasion...

When will a chairman be named?

- We're hoping by tomorrow.
- Why the delay?


- Get me the report.
- On your desk.

- Did I sound stupid saying respect?
- You were fine.

I need you. I got a question about
Mrs. Bartlet's preference for Erlich.

- Publicly?
- It's in a wire piece on my desk.

- Back to your office?
- Yeah.

She was fantastic.
That's just the opening salvo.

She'll lead the charge
against child labor.

There are index cards on Patty's desk.
I need them.

Yeah, she'll do Larry King,
then go to St. Louis.

Call me later
and I'll give you 10 minutes.

- Did you see the interview?
- I didn't.

Jeffrey raised enough for Panshin
and his village to get out of debt.

- Solves that.
- Abbey's running with it.

- I want to be sure we call the plays.
- What's wrong?

C.J. was asked about the first lady's
preference for Erlich.

- It's well-known.
- It was in a wire piece.

- "Sources close to Mrs. Bartlet. "
- I don't know anything about it.

- It wasn't you?
- I don't know anything about it.

We'll tell you
when we want something leaked.

I'm telling you I don't know. If C.J.
wants to come and call me a liar...

C.J. didn't come. I did.
No one's calling you a liar.

We need our two staffs
to work together better.

We need your staff
to work better with ours.

That's the spirit, Sam.
I'm late for a speech.

That was a nice bit of diplomacy
I just did. It was good.

- I'm going to the gym now.
- Okay.

Without regard to past arguments...

The national debt was so high
we sucked up to the bond market.

That condition doesn't exist anymore.

Historically, prosperity has been
built on growth and a GDP of 5%.

With the deflationary pressures
of the global economy...

...growth can be achieved
without rampant inflation.

- Do you understand?
- C.J. doesn't understand.

I understand the oeuvre.

I get the basic mise en scene
of what you're saying.

- I don't understand.
- Ron Erlich might not be the guy.

It's not a mortal lock.

I suggest I talk to the first lady
and ask her to clarify her position:

"My husband will choose the best man. "

C.J., we don't handle my wife.
When we try, do you know what happens?

- You get a little punishment.
- Screw it.

Let's move on.
It's not a big deal.

But find out who those friends of
my wife's are in the wire piece...

...and have them shot.
Can I do that? Leo says I can.

Phyllis doesn't like me.

Susan thinks I'm xenophobic
because I don't like Mexican food.

These are my wife's friends.

Could be our old neighbors
Herb and Marjorie Douglas.

They're angry because
I ran them over with my car.

- Zoey's here.
- Thank you.

Anything else?

- No.
- Thank you, Mr. President.

I'll tell you what else. Historically,
2 to 2.5% GDP expansion... classified as lackluster,
even anemic, economic growth.

4.5 to 5% is needed to be considered
robust and not even spectacular.

- I don't know what you're saying.
- Sometimes I just make it up.

Hello, sweetheart.

- You used to go to school in overalls.
- I used to be 5.

- What's up, Zoey?
- Keeping it real.

- Who the hell knows?
- Anything else?

No. Thank you, Leo.
What you got today?

Intro to Cinema
and 19th Century Studies.

- What about math?
- I graduated high school.

Wiseass all you want,
but this is the 21 st century... which mathematics is going
to play a starring role.

I would definitely put my shoulder
into Intro to Cinema.

It got me where I am today.

- Did you call me to make fun of me?
- That's a big part of my day.

I met with Butterfield
and some agents.

- What did I do?
- Nothing.

They think you should take math.

It's time to tell you about
some letters we've been getting.


Yeah. They don't like the president's
daughter dating a black man.


- You're not dating more than one guy?
- No.

Okay. One guy for you is one more
than I'm comfortable with.

- So you've said.
- I see it's had an impact on you.

- How bad are the letters?
- No worse than anything else they get.

- These are from white supremacists?
- Yeah.

Why did Butterfield
and the guys meet with me?

There's a national convention
of some sort in Virginia.

It was in the papers that you're
going to a club opening this weekend.

- You want me to cancel?
- You don't have to cancel.

But you can't bring Charlie.

- Okay.
- You want me to tell him?

- We're meeting later. I'll tell him.
- Tell him the truth.

- Don't make something up.
- He won't like it.

You sure you don't
want me to tell him?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- The assistant secretary of Treasury.
- You gotta go.

Sorry about Bernie Dahl.
Is Ron Erlich gonna be the new chair?

You want the job? Can't have it.
Know why? No math. Goodbye.

We're Democrats.
Since when do we like lower taxes?

We don't. We like lower tariffs
on Indian textiles, German cars...

...and Chilean wines negotiated with
130 countries over the past 7 years.

The Global Free Trade Markets
Access Act is on its third president.

We're proud it's ready to be voted on.

Where it will win by some 15 votes.
Anyone eating that doughnut?

All yours. What happens
when you lower the cost of something?

Economists will say you get a more
efficient allocation of resources.

That's nothing to me. To an economist,
that's a week in St. Barts.

Don't talk to us like we're 12.

We're concerned with the effect
the flow of cheaper goods...

...into the country will have
on American labor.

We're concerned about
environmental controls.

- Concerns which are reasonable.
- You're concerned with American labor?

- What do you drive?
- Toyota.

- Then shut up.
- Excuse me.

What Toby meant to say is
that we don't see you often...

...and it's a crying shame.

Sit tight. We're just getting started.
Think about lunch.

Think about the fact that
we're courting your vote...

- ...for reasons passing understanding.
- Get out here.

This is why you have a reputation as
a pain in the ass. Can you try harder?

- Sure, because I'm not trying at all.
- I'm standing here.

The wire has a piece.
Sources close to the first lady...

- Who are the sources?
- Lilli doesn't know.

- Is it Lilli?
- Yeah.

Mrs. Bartlet should make a statement.
She supports whatever...

- She won't unless someone tells her.
- That sounds like your job.

The president doesn't want me
to handle her.

Did he say that, or did he say,
"Handle her, but I didn't say that"?

- I don't know.
- Gotta learn the signs.

- I've got most of them.
- Not that one.

Where's Sam?
I want him to talk to Lilli again.

What if the president meant it?

We're not handling Mrs. Bartlet.
We're talking to her staff.

- I know most of the signs.
- Go.

- What if he drove an American car?
- Humiliate him some other way.

- You like winning, don't you?
- Saves you from saying please.

- Let's go.
- Absolutely.

- You all right?
- Congresswoman. Yes, I'm fine.

- I heard the "ow. " Figured it was you.
- Getting healthy.

- How's your head?
- I'm fine.

- I came over for a different reason.
- How can I help you?

Can I talk to you over there
for a second?

- Congresswoman.
- Becky's fine.

- Where are you on the trade bill?
- We're 15 votes up.

We're meeting some friends
of yours to run up the score.

I'm talking to you as a courtesy.
There's no obligation to come to you.

This is not an invitation for you
to try to talk me out of it.

- You're not offering an amendment.
- I am.

Child labor restrictions. The
first lady blew the trumpet on TV.

With my record, I can't be left out.
This is a courtesy.

- We fast-tracked it to avoid...
- This is a courtesy!

This will blow the vote
out of the water.

I'm talking to you as a courtesy.
I'm introducing it tonight.

Josh and Toby are gonna
have to count again.

You should put some ice on that head.

Global Free Trade
Market Access Act. GFTMAA.

- I'll call you back.
- Walk with me. I'm on my way out.

The market opened 320 points down.

- We noticed.
- It's rebounding. Not very fast.

The president needs a new Fed chair.
Half my salary's in technology stocks.

The president was wondering
if you had a few minutes.

It'll just be you. Off the record.

There's a reception for the Michigan
Women's Caucus. He'll step out....

- What?
- It sounds like...

Like it will be lousy with
female Democrats? Yeah.

- Okay.
- Thanks.

Hello. I don't have time for you.
Sam, I paged you.

I got it. Becky Reeseman came over.
I need Josh and Toby.

- I need you first.
- What is it?

I told the president about it.
He didn't want the first lady handled.

- Did he mean it?
- I don't know.

- Gotta pick up the signs.
- I have most of them.

- It's important.
- If you talk to Lilli again....

- Clarification.
- Nudge her in that direction.

- Where are Josh and Toby?
- Meeting.

- Gotta learn the signs.
- I know.

Can you deny the fact that you can
buy a British-made Range Rover...

...has hurt Ford to a degree?

I can.

I can deny it. Range Rover
inspired the Explorer...

...a bestseller
and Ford's biggest success in years.

Will you excuse us for a moment?

- Are we keeping you from something?
- Many, many things.

If you've had an attitude improvement,
it's marginal.

- We're in hour 4 now.
- Guys.

- I thought you were at the gym.
- Becky Reeseman came over.

She made it clear
it was just a courtesy.

She's attaching
a child labor amendment.

- To what?
- To this.

- When?
- Tonight.

- This is why we fast-tracked it.
- She's on Ways and Means.

- This wasn't a joke?
- She was inspired by the first lady.

- She thought there were trumpets...
- Trumpets?

- The trumpet call. They sounded?
- What goes on at that gym?

She thinks the train is leaving.

Mrs. Bartlet has to get Reeseman
to back off.

- What if she's on Abbey's orders?
- I'll talk to Lilli.

I'll go. I'm going in on Erlich.
Might as well take two hits.

Impress upon her that it's taken
7 years to get the bill this far.

Add this amendment,
I gotta be nice to these people.

Bring this one home, Sam.

- After you.
- After you.

- 20 minutes and we're on campus.
- Rutledge? I read a review.

It's great. It begins, "In the summer
of 1900, my grandmother... "

- You took notes.
- Know why?

- You're totally anal?
- No.

Yes, that's it.

" 100 years ago, the average
life expectancy was 47. "

- Only 14% of homes had a bathtub.
- "8% had a telephone. "

More than 95% of births
took place at home.

"90% of physicians had
no college education. "

This is fun.
It's a time-travel thing we're doing.

- You want my egg salad, don't you?
- I really do.

- You have to get back?
- I've got a few minutes.

- I need to talk about Friday.
- I took back the suit.

I liked it, you didn't, that's okay. I
got a powder-blue tuxedo with ruffles.

Listen to me.

- We can't go Friday night.
- That's okay.

Why not?

- You've been getting death threats.
- From?

Because of you?

Because of me and you, yeah.
There's some sort of meeting.

The Secret Service
doesn't think that...

We tried to secure it. Too many dark
corners, alleys, windows, a cellar.

- We can't secure the street.
- I don't give a damn.

I don't give a damn. I bought
a new suit. In fact, I bought two now.

We can't go.

Hey, look.
It says here, 100 years ago...

...a black guy couldn't go out with
a white girl for fear he'd be killed.

I have to go to the ladies' room.

Bookbag's up.

You know, if nothing else...

...if one of us is gonna be pissed,
it ought to be me.

I'm the girl whose job is
to jump in front of the bullet.

I like it when she stays home
and watches videos.

I gotta go. Tell her I had to go.

- Tell her yourself.
- I'm back at the office.

- Is Lilli in?
- You can go on in.

- Hello, Sam.
- Mrs. Bartlet.

Lilli tells me we have a problem.

Yes, ma'am.

It's the tactics, Sam.
The strategizing.

I don't understand.
We used to be close.

Now I have a large
and energetic staff...

...whose main function
is waging war with your staff.

- Is that accurate?
- No, ma'am, I don't think it is.

- We're professional.
- I don't think you are.

Beg your pardon?

I like Lilli Mays. She's topnotch.
It was hard for us to give her up.

But I believe that you're prone
to amateur mistakes.

So my staff is professional,
just not me.

You can't go on national TV
and have a kid next to you on a whim.

- You gotta vet this stuff.
- What was the problem?

It looked like you discovered child
labor because Jeffrey told you.

I don't believe that.

I don't believe
exercise makes me healthier.

But you went to med school.
You say so, then I go to the gym.

Talk to Reeseman and tell her
not to offer that amendment.

- I will.
- Excuse me?

I said I will.

Is there anything else?

- No, ma'am.
- Okay.

Thank you, ma'am.

- How you doing, Mrs. Landingham?
- Fine.

You're glancing over
like I'll steal something.

I'm not used to having
the media here.

- I'll try not to get ink on the chair.
- I was about to offer you a cookie.

- And now?
- No.

I'll be back in a few minutes.
Good evening.

- Good evening.
- Are you covering the event?

- The many women of Michigan?
- The Michigan Women's Caucus?

No, I'm here to see the president.

- Really?
- Yes.

- So, what's up?
- Not too much.

- You're going to the opening?
- No. Security.

Is Zoey bummed?

I say it here
and millions read it tomorrow.

Thanks for the circulation boost.
I'm off the record.

- It's not gonna work.
- You and Zoey? Why?

If it's a problem for the Secret
Service I'm black, that's how it is.

But she shouldn't expect flowers.

It's not that you're black.
It's that you're stupid.

- Thanks, Danny.
- You bet.

The Hardy Boys in these letters...

...may be armed, but I wouldn't
bet on their marksmanship.

Marriage proposals, death threats,
a dozen bodyguards.

Everyone wants to get close.
Everyone wants a thing.

And I say this standing
by the Oval Office... with Father
couldn't have been a picnic.

If it was me, just for now...

...I'd make sure I was the one guy
in her life who's hassle-free.

That's just me.

Yes, sir.


- Hey, Danny.
- Good evening, Leo.

I'd like to say I urged the president
not to have this conversation.

- I'm just sitting here.
- We'll note your lack of conviction.

Note it well, sir.

- I miss our late-night talks.
- Yes, sir.

Out there on the campaign trail.

Ames, Iowa, Tulsa, Skokie,
Center City, Tallahassee...

...Albany, San Antonio,
Jasper, Wyoming.

Yes, sir.

- We got very close.
- I'm flattered, sir.

- You cover the first lady as well.
- Yes, sir.

You literally wrote the book
on my wife.

I want to emphasize
the strong personal bond we built...

For God's sake.

Did you call me in to ask
who the sources were?

I was going to
in a proper, gentlemanly...

- Even Byzantine.
- ...way.

Save me from having
this conversation with my wife...

...or let me be armed when I do.

I'm sorry. I'd be revealing a source.
I'd be in trouble with the first lady.

Welcome to the club.
We had some jackets made.

Let him go.

Albany, Tulsa, Wichita.

I'm not getting
a personal bond here.

If it makes you feel better,
I gave sage dating advice to Charlie.

You're coaching my aide on
how to score with my daughter?

- Yes, that makes me feel better.
- Anything I can do to help.

- Go away.
- Thank you, Mr. President.

Thanks, Danny.

- It's interesting.
- The 100 years ago thing?

Authorities warned that seamstresses
might be aroused by the pedal rhythm.

They recommended bromide
to diminish sexual desire.

Why would anyone diminish
a woman's sexual desire?

We can get out of hand.

Here we go.

- Excuse me.
- Good evening.

May I have a word
with the congresswoman?

I'll find you in a minute.

That's a beautiful suit.

Becky, did you decide to run
for the Senate and not tell me?

Because Jed and I would be there
with anything you need.

- I know the amendment is a surprise...
- Your amendment is a poison pill...

...that will kill the GFTMAA
in the following way.

The Republican leaders won't let
their guys wear black hats.

They'll be released from a party-line
vote. This won't shock Democrats... they've seen it before.

It'll pass there because it'll never
pass the Senate, and you know it.

- It felt like the train was leaving.
- When the train leaves, you'll know.

- There's a seat open.
- The president will help.

- I've heard that before.
- This isn't Steve's boat. Don't barter.

I put this amendment back in,
I'll have problems.

- How many people know?
- You, Steve, my staff.

- The president's staff.
- You're fine.

- Am I supposed to trust his staff?
- Yes.

Are we done?


Thank you.

- The rhythm of the pedals?
- That's what it says.

Marijuana, heroin, morphine
were available over the counter.

According to one pharmacist,
"Heroin clears the complexion... buoyancy to the mind,
regulates the bowels...

...and is a perfect guardian
of health. "

Now they tell me.

Mr. President?

- I'm out of here.
- Stay. Chicken.

- Hello, pumpkin.
- Abbey.

- Hello, gumdrop.
- Listen...

Sam Seaborn came to see
my chief of staff today. Twice.

Your chief of staff is an attractive
woman. Maybe he was, you know...

- I told C.J. specifically.
- Then C.J. got the signal wrong.

No, she didn't.


She didn't get it wrong.
I wanted her to send someone.

This wire thing is a problem.
The kid on TV was a mistake.

Reeseman's amendment will bring down
a bill that was worked on for years.

- I said I just killed it.
- Fine.

We share a bed.
Why didn't you come to me?

I staffed it out to C.J.

- You staffed it out?
- That's right.

You don't staff me out.

Don't give C.J. signals, don't send
Sam and don't bring Concanon here.

- Don't handle me, Jed!
- Then don't play me! Don't work me.

People think Lilli Mays planted that
you have a preference for Ron Erlich.

- It wasn't Lilli Mays.
- I know. It was you.

Sorry, but I wanted Ron
to know he had my support.

You put me in a spot. I name
Erlich now, which I was gonna do...

...and it looks like
I'm taking instructions from you!

- It was wrong!
- You talking about you or me?

I'm talking about you
sending people for me.

I'm talking about you waiting a day
to name a new Fed chair...

...because 30 years ago
I dated Erlich for six months.

I am talking about sending messages
and setting agendas on morning shows.

We won't be these people.
I won't do it.

I'll walk up to the Hill right now
and give my resignation!

- The House isn't in session.
- I'll put it in session!

Don't yell at me.

It was nine months,
and I waited a day on Skippy...

...because the Fed chair is important
and I wanted my decision to be right.

You made a decision. "I name
Erlich now, which I was gonna do...

...and it looks like I'm taking
instructions from my wife. "

So just ease up on the high ground.

On that point,
I concede the high ground.

I concede I was wrong about the thing.

- Good.
- However...

No "however. " Just be wrong.
Stand there being wrong.

- However...
- Nine months.

However, I'll still kick your ass
on child labor.

- Abbey, please.
- Jed.

If it was one of our girls in that
factory, you'd send in the Marines.

We just had
our first Oval Office fight.

Talk to Zoey today?

She went back to her dorm.
She and Charlie had a fight...

...because the Service doesn't want
them at this thing together.

Maybe she'll be so traumatized
she'll never date another boy again.

He left here a little while ago.
I'd say in about an hour...

...there'll be a sock
on the doorknob...

Don't finish that sentence.
I'm a man of questionable health.

Michigan women are waiting for me.

I came to apologize.

- You left me sitting there.
- I feel bad about that.

Are there other things you feel
bad about too? Name them, please.

Off the top of my head,
I don't have a full list.

But anything that's upset you...

...even if it only exists in your
confused mind, I really apologize for.

What'd you bring me?

- Flowers.
- I see that. What else?

- A book.
-Introduction to Trigonometry.

- Your father made me get it.
- What else?

- Popcorn.
- Why the popcorn?

Because I brought videos.

Get in here.

Bookbag is in for the night.