The Wayans Bros. (1995–1999): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Poppa-Cabana - full transcript

He shoots, he misses.
He's been playing baseball too long.

Here we go. Reggie "The Albino" Miller.
He shoots.

Yes, he gets it in.

Who says white men can't jump?

All right, here we go. John Starks...

from the inside, shoots,
he chokes again. Oh, man.

Dikembe Mutombo
jumps up for a rebound...

he knocks an airplane out of the sky.

Marlon.

What's up?

-Come watch these fries.
-All right.



- I got you.
-Ready, go.

Keep an eye on them.

Hello.

Hey, Lisa. What's up, baby girl?
How you doing?

I'm chilling. Just making some fries.
What's up?

Are you coming over today? Really?

You going to wear something sexy?

What you gonna wear?

That sounds good to me.

Stop. Don't talk like that, girl.
Don't make me all hot over the phone.

Yeah, I'm hot. Are you hot?

I'm hot. Hey, Marlon, are you hot?

Marlon, you're burning the French fries.

This boy cannot cook.



I got to go. Marlon's on fire again.

All right, cut and print. Beautiful, guys.
Dynamite. That--

Here you go, Burl. Six diet plates.

Thanks, Marlon.

You know, I've been doing so good lately,
I think I deserve to celebrate.

Watch yourself,
because I think celebrating got you there.

-What's up, kid?
-What's up, baby boy?

Where's Pop? Isn't he supposed
to be closing the diner today?

He went to pick up Uncle Leon.

They're going somewhere where the wine
flows free, the women are easy...

and they gamble all night long.

Bingo night at church?

Atlantic City, Shawn.

Here they come
and where did they get those shirts?

It looks like Easter in Puerto Rico.

Hey, Shawn, Marlon. How you doing?

What's happening? What's up?

How you doing, Pop?

How's my favorite Uncle Leon doing?

How am I doing? Hey...

I got a metal plate in my head,
I got a plastic hip...

and I got three pins in my knee.
And you know what?

I can still do an hour
with your Aunt Louise.

All right. Come on, everybody.
It's closing time.

Hurry up, big fellow.
You're cutting into my vacation.

I'm hurrying.

We're off to Atlantic City...

home of salt water taffy
and economic chaos.

Hey, Pop, listen.
I know I ask you this every year...

and every year you tell me,
"Hell, no, boy"...

but I'm asking you again this year.

Please, instead of closing the diner,
keep it open and let me run it.

Hell, no, boy.

Well, at least this time
he gave it some thought.

It's the perfect opportunity
to teach Marlon some responsibility.

Besides, if it's closed,
where's old Esther gonna hang out?

Same as every year.

Grand Central Station,
with her imaginary friends.

I've worked so hard to build this business
and make it a success.

I do things in a certain way.
That's why the diner is so special.

Johnny-boy, take a chance, man.
You know what?

You're so anal that if you sat down,
you'd suck up the furniture.

You just hush up, Leon.

Come on, Pops.
You always tell me I'm your favorite son.

Pop, look,
I promise I'll keep an eye on everything.

Well, I do hate to shut down
and lose all that money.

-Please, Pop.
-Okay, you got it.

Shut up before I whup you
like a losing horse.

Thank you.

Leon, let's go.

Atlantic City, here we come.

I get to drive.

You get everything, man. You get
the nice car, the wife with both eyes...

and you get a prostate
that's not as big as your head.

-Congratulations, kid. The diner's all yours.
-Thank you.

And you didn't even have to wait
for Pops to die or anything.

That was Plan B.

What's up, kid?

What's happening?

How was your first two days at work?
Good?

Were they good?

Does a homeless man stink?

- I take that as a yes.
-Yeah.

-What are you wearing?
-Nothing.

What do you mean, nothing?
That's my old tuxedo.

No wonder why it's so tight in the crotch.

No, really, why you wearing that?

I just want to bring a little class
to the diner.

Look, kid,
I know you're trying to impress Pops...

but I think you're getting
a little carried away.

Ain't nobody getting no carried away.

Shawn, you seen my top hat?

Here you go.

How do I look?

You look like The Black in the Hat.

I'm starting to get nervous, man.

I'm coming down there
to check things out.

Come on, man. You sound like Pop.

You take that back.

Come on, man,
y'all treat me like I'm 7 years old.

We do not treat you
like you're 7 years old.

-Do, too.
-Do not.

-Infinity.
-No pay tax.

How you expect me to make something
of myself, and you don't believe in me?

All right. You're right, kid.

-Know why I always mess up, Shawn?
-Why?

'Cause you and Pop just sit around
waiting for me to mess up.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What?

I saw it on an episode of Diff'rent Strokes.

See, Willis was hanging out
with some drug dealers.

He told Arnold. Arnold said,
"What you talking about, Willis?"

-Look at Willis now.
-All right, shut up. Fine.

Know what? You're right.
I'm gonna let you do what you got to do.

-Okay, handle your business.
-Thank you.

-Now get out of here so I can take a nap.
-All right.

Thank you for believing in me.

'Cause, you know,
if you can't trust your brother...

who in the world can you trust?

You know what? You're right, kid.

I ain't going to worry about it.
It ain't my money.

If Pop ain't worried, I ain't worried.

Now put my damn money back.

All of it.

I'm worried, Leon.

I think it was a mistake leaving Marlon
in charge of my establishment.

Will you stop worrying, man?
We are on a roll.

See, I told you that my little lizard foot
would bring us good luck.

If that's true, where has it been
for the last 40 years of your life?

Number 10?

$100 on number 10.

You half a moron.
That lizard foot ain't gonna work.

Ten.

Yes, it does.
Hey, I'm more than half a moron now.

Yes, you are.
You're twice that, and then some.

Look over there.

Sorry, brother, but you can't come in here
without a reservation.

Marlon, it's me, Burl.
What do I need a reservation for?

Well, Burl, that's just our new policy
here at the Pops'.

We're under new management.

I'm sorry, maybe next time,
you put on a tie...

and we'll be more than happy
to grease the doors and squeeze you in.

But, for right now,
you're blocking the real customers, Burl.

-You've changed.
-Yeah, I know.

You haven't. Thank you, Burl.

-What are you doing?
-Are you crazy?

I'm not crazy. You're crazy.

Look, guys, don't worry.

I'll have this place packed
with all kinds of high-rollers.

They don't want to eat with no lowlifes.

You'll see. I'll make my papa proud of me.

How? You've chased
all the customers away.

You're drunk with power.
You're ruining everything.

Yeah, what's the matter with you?

You work us twice as hard,
you pay us half as much...

and those pants don't even fit you
in the crotch.

What is this, some kind of mutiny?
You guys don't believe in me?

No.

All right, that's it.

You, and one more word out of you, Mr...

Chef Boyar Bruce Lee.

One more word out of you
and you're both fired.

-All right.
-Okay, that's it. You're fired.

-What?
-Come on, let's go.

-Estúpido.
-Yeah, estúpido.

I'll show you, amigos.
I'll show all of you.

I'll show Pops, too. Shoot.

Believe in me.

Hey, God.

Just let me be right
just this one time, please.

Darryl, Kevin, pick it up.

-Here you go, sir.
-Thank you.

And, waiter,
could I get a glass of water, please?

Sure. Hey, Darryl.

Could you get this man some water,
please? Thank you.

Thank you. Waiter...

I ordered this burger medium.
Does that look medium to you?

Yeah. Tastes medium to me. Hey, Kevin.

That burger look medium to you?

Let me check this.

Yeah. Tastes medium to me. It's medium.

-I'm not paying for this.
-What?

-That's what I wanted you to say--
-Calm down.

-Chill. You all right, D?
-I'm down.

You all right, man?

-That's cool.
-Cool down, man.

What's the problem?
I'm the owner of this fine establishment.

Money said that this burger ain't medium.

Let me see that.

-It tastes medium to me.
-That's what I'm talking about.

Give me some of that.

Now, you need anything else,
I'll be right there.

Now, including my tip, that'll be $15.25.

Please make it exact change.

I don't know
how to work the cash register.

What are you guys, a bunch of idiots?

What kind of restaurant
are you running here?

What kind of restaurant?
The kind that doesn't have to serve you.

-Now get up and get on out of here.
-What?

Get on out of here. Who wants you?

Some people just ain't got no manners.

So rude, talking to my boys like that.

Chill. Something's burning.

It could be my meatloaf, since I've been
waiting for it for an hour and a half.

I thought it was this perm. Damn!

Marlon, what the hell's going on here?

It's lunchtime, and there's no customers.

-I guess they're out to lunch.
-Where are Benny and Lupe?

Things didn't work out with them
too good, so I had to fire them.

I can't believe this, you idiot.
You ruined Pops' business.

I didn't ruin it. It was Kevin and Darryl.

Kevin and Darryl?
What are they doing here?

-They work here.
-Not anymore. You're fired.

-Oh, it's like that?
-Yeah.

-You's a sellout.
-Well, call me Clarence Thomas.

You, too, yeah.

I got this job and I bought a Benz.

Well, you should have "benz"
a better employee.

Now get the hell get out of here.

Man, Shawn, I messed up.

I ruined Pops' business.
He's going to kill me.

I know what I'll do.
I'll burn the place down.

Look, man, stop it, okay?

-I'll get insurance.
-Stop it!

You've done enough bad things for today.

What we need to do
is hire Benny and Lupe back...

clean this mess up, and maybe
go apologize to some of the customers.

Then, when Pops comes back
tomorrow night, he won't notice.

You'll have to do
a whole lot more than that.

I spent $500
of Pops' emergency petty cash...

trying to fix this place up.

Great.

Now, how the hell are we
going to find $500 by tomorrow night?

-Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-What are you thinking?

Nothing.

Just forget it, okay? Leave it up to me.
I'll think of something, as usual.

Come on, Leon.
Let's quit while we're ahead.

Let's lie under the boardwalk
and hope Sharon Stone walks by.

What, you crazy? I can't quit
until my lizard foot tells me to quit.

But we're $14,000 ahead!

If we quit now, this trip is free,
we go home with pockets full.

See, that's the problem with you.

You never want to take a chance,
Johnny-boy.

You were afraid to take a chance
on your son...

afraid to take a chance on me.

I take a chance every time I go out
with you. Cash in those chips.

My little lizard foot is talking to me, man.

Bet it?

Bet it all?

I'll live like a king?

Oh, man!

-Give me those.
-Leon, wait!

Give me those here, man.
Today I'm leaving here a winner.

Leon, wait a minute.

Just once

I want a little light to shine

On me

Leon, let's talk about this.

Come on, baby

Leon needs a new pair of shoes

Craps. A loser.

Oh, no, Leon. It's all gone.

Why?

Why did my little lizard foot let me down?

Leon, this ain't no lizard foot.
This is a beef jerky.

No, I had my beef jerky in my left hand, and my lizard foot in my....

Oh, no. I ate my lizard foot.

-We're ruined, man.
-No, we ain't ruined.

Turn around, let me burp that sucker up.
Come here.

Come on, Leon. Burp it up.

Burp that lizard foot. Get that lizard.

That's beef jerky. I don't want it.
I want the lizard foot.

Go, Burl. Eat the sandwich.

Yo, turning this place into a nightclub
was the best idea you ever had.

Thought it up. The Poppa-Cabana.

Man, I couldn't believe
I didn't think of this earlier.

-Look, even Benny's getting paid.
-Kamikazes, $3 a shot.

Yo, look.
Even old Esther's making some money.

Who knew she used to be a stripper
on a chuck wagon?

Yo, look at this, the crowd is happy,
we're making money...

and the best part about it,
Pops don't know anything about it.

We got a night club

We're gonna make some money

Pops will never find out

Hey, what the hell's going on around here?

He's gonna kill us

Pops, what are you doing back so soon?
I thought you were coming tomorrow.

Never mind that. What the hell's going on?

Get down from there, Esther.
This ain't no chuck wagon.

Turn that music off. This thing is over.
Everybody, get out of here.

Come on. Move on out of here. Let's go.

Let's go. Hurry up.

You boys are in big trouble now.

Pops, this was all Shawn's idea. All him.

Pops, I had to do it. It was the only way.

Marlon drove all your customers away
and lost all your money.

-This was the only way to get it back.
-Big mouth!

This was how you were gonna get it back?

By getting me arrested?
By violating the fire code?

By having me fined
for not having a liquor license?

Not to mention having me shut down
by the Board of Health...

because Esther's up there
dancing like a $3 hooker.

Pop, you put it like that,
you make it sound like a bad idea.

-Look at all the money we made.
-What money?

-This money.
-Paper dollar.

-You made all this money tonight?
-Yeah.

Boys, we're a family again.

A family with $3,000.

$3,000?

$3,000 dollars, and our wives
are not expecting us till tomorrow night.

Yeah, and are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

I got an idea.

Yeah, come on, boys.

-All right.
-Five in a row.

Give it a little blow, baby girl.

Maybe you should blow.

-Come on, Marlon. Five in a row, brother. -Five in a row, son.

That's my boy right there.

The boy is hot.

-They're talking to me.
-What'd they say?

Six in a row.

Hey, check it out.

I want y'all to bet it all.
You bet that weave.

Put all your money down.
Brother, I'm going to win you some ham.

-I'm putting my shoe and my watch on.
-All right. Put your shoe on there.

All right.
Papa gonna take these home, baby.

You ready?

Craps. A loser.

Hey! Back off!

Knock it off! Break it up!

Get off my brother. Back off.

-Get away from him.
-Thank you, Officer.

You all right, Marlon?

-Yeah, I'm cool, y'all.
-Good.

I'll beat you like Rodney King.

Help, please.

Help me, please.

Go, Esther.

Breathe, Esther.

Somebody give her
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Bye, Esther.

Look up, Marlon. Say, "Cheese.”