The Vow (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Building Character - full transcript

My first goal was "get out."

My plan was to
leave ESP quietly.

It was just about escaping.

Preservation of my family.

But when I realized how many women
that I'd brought to the community,

who were in DOS,

I mean, that was a whole,

a whole different level
of, "what the fuck?"

I decided to start calling
people and getting them out.

And part of that was to make sure
there weren't more branding sessions.

I brought in so many people to ESP,



so I feel a responsibility.

You need to email her,

and say, "You enrolled me
into this based on a lie."

"I want my photos back,
I want my videos back,

before I go to a lawyer."

You have a feeling, like,
get the fuck out of here.

Those feelings are there to protect
you. It's part of being human.

You're going to be okay,
and the question for you is,

do you want to help
get other people out?

When you start telling people,
they're going to be outraged.

"You agreed to being a slave?"

"Yeah, but it was an exercise."
To be a slave?

What do you... There's no exercise.
You are now somebody's slave.

What does that even fucking mean?



Right. So then I think what we'll
do is, we'll talk to Catherine.

Okay, great.

The parents are the way
to get to the kids.

Yep.

Mom, hi.

I got a call from Bonnie,

who was involved in NXIVM.

And she said that she was
extremely worried about India.

That she... India had been
one of her closest friends.

And she said,
"You need to save her."

I was like, "Well,
I always assumed that

"India would wake up
one day on her own,

"and I wanted to
respect her and not

criticize her life choice."

But she said,
"You know, Catherine,

I don't know if you know what's
really going on right now."

And apparently, there's a
secret organization within NXIVM.

It's a supposed sisterhood.

They sign a lifetime vow
of obedience.

They have to provide blackmail

that would compromise them
or their families,

and they're branding girls.

Yes.

I mean, it's so far...
This is not my child.

This is not anything
that my child would do.

I felt like India
was my little sister.

I first met her at an intro
that Mark and Sarah were doing.

For us, it's really helpful to know

who you are,
and what it is that you want.

She was very sweet,
but she was quite shy.

And I really liked her.
But we didn't get close

until she started spending
more time doing ESP stuff.

My belief in myself.

I think I'm scared of...

not doing well.

In the beginning,
I felt that she was

settling for, like,
a small life.

And as she continued in ESP,
she started blossoming.

I never pushed
the stripe path on her,

but when she expressed
that she might want to do it,

I wanted to take her
under my wing

and guide her through
that process.

I thought we could do
this journey together.

But I started to see really
concerning behavior with India.

I noticed she was
counting calories.

It seemed like
she was starving herself.

I would catch her in lies,
which was strange to me.

And then, she told me that
she was gonna move to Albany.

That she'd been working on
a secret project

with Keith and Allison.

I believe India's in danger.

So I got in touch
with Catherine.

I never go through
people's stuff.

So I'm very conflicted,

because I'm violating
her privacy right now.

But, if any of this information
could actually help us get her out,

I'm willing to do that.

- April of 2016.
- Okay.

So, had she moved there yet?

I believe she moved
to Albany in May.

She started going to intensives
there and just kind of stayed there.

There's a bunch of notes
that she wrote,

so I don't know if any of this stuff
could give us some insight into...

- Can I see this bottom?
- Yeah. Look at all of this.

"Personal mission statement
for the rest of my life.

"Willing to put in the effort to
make things better for the future,

"because you have a vision
for the world.

"Willing to put in the work now,

and protect the innocence
in the world."

"I will not be the kind of woman
who spends my life believing..."

Is that "fact" or "fear"?
See?

"Believing fear"?

Here she says,
"What is my motivation?

"How will I use the tool
of a low-cal diet

"to build the me that I want?

"Plan attachment collateral
write-up.

KR talk. Vow."

- Oh, really?
- Oh, it's in there?

Oh, my God.

"KR intimacy."

- KR. That's Keith.
- Yep.

The women vow something to Keith.

Their understanding is that
he's giving such a gift to them

that they're helping themselves.

They wear a chain to symbolize
whatever that vow is.

Yeah, chain.

- Chain.
- Mm-hmm.

This is India.

- Aw.
- She's so cute.

I love that.
That's the India I know.

She's pretending to meditate, right?

- She's got an eye open.
- Right, exactly. That's who she was.

She was like the cheeky girl.

That's pre-ESP.

- And then, cult.
- That's more recent. Yeah.

And I was really worried about
her behavior there, actually.

'Cause she was very distracted.

She was on two phones
the whole time.

I'm trying to find a reason why.

I thought she was the happiest,

most evolved,
well-adjusted child imaginable.

How about that's why?

- They're the people they go for.
- What?

Yeah People keep trying to fucking tell
me it's because you're deficient,

and you're weird and you're
damaged and you're vulnerable.

No, they go for the people
who are successful,

easy people to get along with.

Capable of doing things. That's, that's
who they want to run their cult.

Especially if you're trying to
get credibility. Look at this.

- She's beautiful.
- Mm-hmm.

They go after beautiful people, too.

People don't understand
what it's like to be in this thing.

Like, how could you, you know?

And that's why I think people
getting to tell their story

is the most important thing.

Since leaving DOS, I've noticed that
it's easy for people

to put things in categories.

Like this is all bad,
or this is all good.

And I tend to keep weighing

the complexities of
this whole situation.

What is manipulation
and what is consent?

What motivations are pure?

And the reason I don't want
you to know my real name

or see my real face,

is that I don't
want to be defined

by those who would judge me
for the choices that I made.

Anyone can make
the decisions that I made.

Anyone can be Jane.

So, I'm just gonna start
from the very beginning...

before I became a part of DOS.

I was living in New York City
trying to make it and hustle

as a freelance filmmaker.

And I had been getting work,

but I wasn't necessarily
getting any happier.

I would wake up unsure why there
still was something lacking.

And I felt lonely.

Struggling with certain
friendships with women.

But things changed
when I met Rachel.

I wanted to make a documentary
about a female urban farmer.

And someone told me, "I know
exactly who you're looking for."

She was so honest and seemed
so comfortable in her skin.

We had this
immediate connection.

It sounds kind of simple,

but I really liked her as a person
and I wanted her in my life.

"She said," There's something
that I'm involved in

"that I think you would be
really interested in."

"And it's really
changed my life."

"But before I share it with you,
it's very confidential,

"and I need you to
come up with some collateral

"to prove that you won't share

any of this information
with anyone else."

And I was like,
"Are you kidding me?"

She said,
"What are you so scared of?

"If you trusted your word, you
could put this stuff easily down

"and know that you
would never break it.

"Can you see how this
is potentially why

"you're failing in other
areas of your life?

You just can't trust yourself."

So, I gave her
videos and photos.

A letter to my brother about
his girlfriend cheating on him.

And passwords to all of
my social media accounts.

She accepted that.

And then she told me about DOS.

But she called it "the vow."

It was a vow to grow
beyond your excuses,

and challenge all of your fears.

And to accept her
as, like, my teacher and my guide.

But it would be under the name of
something a bit more controversial

which was "master" and "slave."

And that definitely threw me.

I'm surprised. This is a black
woman who's agreed to do this.

And I'm a little shocked that
this is something she's accepting.

And she said,
"You know, trust me.

I've worked through a lot
of reactions to this."

And then she said, "You know,
you're already a slave to your fear.

"What we need to be
stronger women in the world"

"is to focus on
what are you afraid of"

"and how can you
break those fears?"

"So, you'll be my slave,
but it will be for you."

She was giving me an opportunity

to be a friend to a woman
in a really deep way.

Offering me this world of
being honest with myself.

And happy with my life.

I couldn't say no.

So, I moved to Albany
for two weeks,

which then turned into
four weeks.

And then I just stayed.

That's how it began.

She asked me to
make a list of goals.

One of them was lose weight.

And she said,
"I'm also consulting with my Master,

"who is your Grandmaster,

"and we think that this is
a very good place to start.

"Losing weight is like
the most tangible way

"for you to see your limitations.

It's just one doorway
into your growth."

And that's when the
calorie counting began.

I had to request
for all of my calories.

"Master, may I please have
84 calories?"

"Master, may I please have
92 calories?"

"I want to build
a relationship with my body

"that is loving, kind,
present and aware.

"To not use food as a way
of escaping my discomfort.

"It is something that I'll
have to work at consistently

to develop myself."

A typical day in Albany was
waking up at 6:00 a.m.,

doing a one-to two-minute
cold shower,

and then a meditation
or, like, journaling.

Make breakfast,
measure everything.

Take a picture of it.
Ask permission for my calories.

I would do editing work that
I had been getting freelance.

Get lunch,
measuring my calories.

More work,
and throughout the day,

being ready for
readiness drills.

Which is when you get a text
from your Master.

You respond "RM,"
which is "Ready, Master."

You have to respond
within a minute.

And you had to be ready
any time of day for that.

It was about having people
that I had to be accountable to,

and a routine of things that
you try to get done every day.

Things that you told yourself
you wanted to do.

And there was something
about it that was really fun.

Like, I have the Force behind me.
It's like Jedi training.

"I'm taking on
the process of discipline"

"because I want to trust myself
to do what I say I will do,"

"no matter how bad or
uncomfortable it feels."

"I want to be someone
my friends can rely on,"

"and be the kind of person
who I admire."

"This is a lifelong commitment.
No turning back."

Through this whole experience,

I don't have the full picture
of what DOS is.

I don't know how many
women are in it,

and Rachel makes it very clear
that I am under no circumstances

to speak to anyone about it.

"And she said," You'll get to
find out who your Grandmaster is,

but you need to
prove yourself."

Before I met you,
somebody had asked me in an interview

what I wanted to do in,
you know, my career, like,

if I could do one thing,
what would I do.

And I said I wanted to change
the way that young women

thought and felt about themselves.

I felt like I knew what
I didn't want to be,

but I didn't know what to
supplant that with.

Allison was really
interesting to me.

She seemed very self-aware,

and honest about her own flaws.

I guess given the nature of where I
feel I am right now in my own journey,

I feel like such
a young student on this path.

She was very sweet to me.

There was a sort of pampering
she would do.

I remember she took me
to New York City.

She took me shopping.

And she got me to get,
like, really thin jeans.

It sort of felt like
having an older sister

make you up, or something.

At this point, I'm guessing
that Allison is Rachel's Master,

and my Grandmaster.

She would talk about
this all-women collective

to build a better self,

and make a better world
through that process.

We could be, like,
thousands of women.

We could be millions
of women doing this.

Which is a beautiful mission.

And now I know that
there are other women.

This is the wonderful
and amazing India.

- Are you happy?
- I am happy.

Yay!

India was the first woman
who was revealed to be,

like, one of my aunties.

She was in DOS, under Allison.

Meeting India
for the first time,

I remember I was really
charmed by her.

Jesus, you're gonna kill it.

And so relieved to have
somebody to talk to about DOS.

So I felt very close with her.

Yeah, I do come from a really
bizarre background.

My grandma, she's a princess.

She's related to
the British Royal Family

and the czars of Russia...

And then I come from
a whole different side,

which is more modern
and Hollywood.

My parents are from
that business.

Hi, Daddy.

- Have a good night, darling.
- I love you, Mommy

I think my background
and how I was raised,

it's a privilege.

And I always thought, "What do you,
what do you do with that?"

I think a lot of people have
stigmas of what it means

to come from
those types of families.

But it's not necessarily true.

Like, people want to be better.

They want to do good things
in the world.

And that's kind of what
I always wanted to do.

Figure out what I think is good,

and use whatever privilege I had

to express those things.

So, I just spoke to India.

She thinks there's
no victims in this story.

Everyone can make
their own decisions,

and it's consensual, and she should
be allowed to live her lifestyle.

And I just asked her point-blank,
"Are you branded?"

And she didn't lie.
She did admit to being branded.

And that she thought
it was wonderful.

She says,
"Mom, I've never felt so happy

and purposeful in my life."

Before I had been a part of DOS,

I didn't feel like I had the
ability to believe in anything...

other than just buying and using
and being in the rat race.

In Albany, we were focusing
on something really genuine.

It was so hopeful.

And at the same time,
really hard.

Every day, I had to do
a failure form

at the end of the day,

looking at all the things
that you failed on that day.

How did that affect you,
your Master,

your Grandmaster,
your community of people.

Thinking about how
I could be better.

And if you did something bad,

you've made a breach.

Which is sort of like,
you've just broken yourself.

Because you did something

that's actually against
your own morals and values.

And you have to figure out,
what is this betrayal,

and then figure out how to fix it.

You have to come up
with consequences...

which were called
"penances."

"What's the penance
for reacting to fear

by indulging in pride
and anger?"

I'm gonna wake up at 5:00 a.m.
and stand for 10 minutes.

"What's the penance for reacting
violently to your own pain?"

Fast the next day.

By taking on these
self-inflicted punishments,

I would train myself to not
do that behavior anymore.

I was told,
"Your lack of obedience

just shows where
you're failing."

And I started to wonder if
the more obedient I would be,

I would actually start to
succeed more in my life.

At this point,
I was being asked to

go lower and lower on my weight.

And Rachel asked me
for more collateral.

More videos, more photos,
more documents.

I said, "This wasn't
the initial agreement."

And she was like, "Yes, it was."

"When you said that you
accepted me as your Master,

that was you saying,
'I submit to you for everything.'"

You know, "Get used to it. This
is gonna be the rest of your life."

And there were a lot of moments
where I judged the whole process.

You feel like,
"This is ridiculous."

I ended up having some
conversations with Allison.

And she said all these things
that I was freaking out about

were just fears and limitations
that I had.

And she said,
"You're so conceited.

"Your pride is like cellophane
across your eyes.

"And everyone can
see it but you.

"There's so much more
beyond this,

"but you're not even
willing to let go

of this attachment
to your own ego."

And that was when
I had this turning point.

I either am gonna
keep suffering through this,

or I need to just buck up.

And it was also kind of
when I gave up fighting.

As you do these practices,

you overcome fears.

You remove bonds of suffering,
and replace them with joy.

You come to have a relationship
with human pain,

so that you have a deep conscience.

Because when we have
a conscience over something,

it is marked by pain.
And that pain is good.

Well, the truth of the matter is,

when pain is no longer
tied with suffering...

Yeah, we do have more pain
in our life, but no suffering.

This is my porch.

And I love you guys and I miss you,

and I'm sending you a big kiss.

My relationship with India
developed over time.

I saw her going through similar
things emotionally that I was.

You know, you could tell
when someone was crying.

Going through these
roller coasters of emotion.

I think the way India changed
is the same way I changed.

If I can just push against
the things that I feel afraid of,

I think I'll feel a lot more
proud of what I leave behind.

India texted me.

She had told me that she
hadn't had a period in a year,

and that her hair
was falling out.

So, she went to the doctor.

"And the doctor said," You have the
uterine lining of a woman

"who's in her mid-40s.

"You're severely
compromising your ability

"to perhaps ever reproduce.

And you need serious
psychiatric care."

I think that Nippy and I felt
responsible in some ways

for getting India out,

because we were there
for her first intro,

for her first five-day.

We were part of the team
that was ushering her in.

So, when I got a call
from Catherine,

I told her that
we'd do whatever we could

to help get India back.

Now that I have been
given enough information,

I can see how the whole thing
mapped out,

because Bonnie said to me that
Keith always had his eye on her.

Signaling her from across
the room... "Hey, India"

Like, always trying to get
her attention.

And that her instinct
was to stay away.

And then, all that shifted,
and she said to her,

"Oh, I just went on
a walk with Keith."

And she was, like,
all googly-eyed and...

So he's got his hooks into her,
and she's no longer resisting.

He basically manipulated this
whole thing from the beginning.

Because then Allie Mack
went on this kind of crusade

to befriend her and get her
away from Bonnie...

- is what I understand.
- Mentor her.

"Mentor her," yeah,
into Keith's bed.

I will do whatever I can
to get India out. I promise you.

I really do believe
we can get her out.

I honestly... I don't know how.

Allison was just so excited
for me to meet Keith.

It was like,
"You gotta meet Keith.

Come to volleyball."

She sort of inspires me
to go ask him a question.

She said, "You know, I think it'd
be really good for you two to talk."

The reason why you feel fear
is because it's not familiar.

And the unknown is scary.

And some of the consequences
are harsh.

You can feel awful.

You can feel all sorts of things,
and still do the right thing.

An act of character,
you feel all those emotions,

and there's a part of you
that is unflappable.

Absolutely committed.

And the first time
you feel it, it's great.

If you want to be
a millionaire of joy,

look at these things as

positive affirmations
that you're on the road.

Thank you.

I would take these classes
that were life changing.

And I was like, "Oh,
this came from this man's mind."

I always feel funny.
Thank you.

So I was very active
in pursuing him.

I was like,
"I wanna be your friend."

You know, "If I'm gonna learn,
I wanna learn from you."

I felt like I was
learning from him

and he was helping me
understanding things about myself.

And that sort of continued on
the more I took curriculum.

Our understanding of ourselves
as women has been muddled,

because our culture and our
language has been dominated

by the male principle.

I heard about Jness from Rachel.

It was offered solely to women

to explore how gender
influences our role in society,

and our relationships.

It's gonna take
a long time to change

the indoctrination that
kind of goes underneath that.

It's a societally induced problem.

Jness helped inform

why we were doing what
we were doing in DOS:

to teach women what female
empowerment looks like

outside of
a male-dominated world.

When women come out of Jness,

they are more understanding
of the conflict

that men and women have.

That does not mean
they have to be submissive,

but they actually are going to have
to fight for their point of view.

And I think that's new
languaging for women.

Jness was based on
Keith's ideas,

but the person who started it
was a woman named Pam Cafritz.

She was a life partner to Keith.

Keith asked me to film Pam.

She was already dying of cancer

when I met her.

I was there when they
announced Pam's death.

I made the memorial video.

She could see all the things
that I didn't want to

or couldn't see in myself.

She would say,

"You don't have to choose
that conventional path."

It was like she predetermined
my potential.

So, I miss you, Pam.

I'll keep practicing.

Pam believed in Keith
and was 100% on board.

- Like 100% trust.
- Mm-hmm.

That it was good and that
he knew what was right,

and that...

that it really could happen.

Pam truly had a connection to
what women bring to the world.

That is so undervalued.

She saw Jness as the key to unlocking
the power that they truly held.

And she loved relationships.

And Jness focuses on teaching women
how to be friends with each other.

I was looking through
all of this footage

of people talking about
how much she meant to them,

and how much she loved Keith.

I was getting to know Pam,

and to know Keith through Pam.

I met Pamela about 30 years ago
on a ski slope.

I think I was 26.

He started explaining
where he wanted to go,

and what he wanted to do,
and I remember just looking at him

and, you know,
sensing he was different.

He said, "Follow me."

And I said, "Okay."

You're blazing a trail.
We're blazing a trail.

It's gonna be walked on by,
hopefully, millions of people.

When I created the modules,
I thought,

many, many people will be going
trotting through these modules.

And hopefully, people will come
to have a deeper understanding.

That's what this is for.

That was a huge turning point
in my relationship to Keith.

When I was little,
I'd always look back

at the different heroes
into history,

"and say," Gee, I wish
I could be there,

wish I could be there,
wish I could do that."

And then coming to the recognition

that now is such a time,
and we are here.

And we are doing it.

And all provided by
all of your support.

I would never imagine
that we could bring a group together

and we all stand together.

And if you believe
I've done something good,

that's important, because
I always want to earn my authority.

Thank you so much.

The dude is the leader of
this philosophical movement

when men and women alike are
looking at him with admiration,

because he really had
changed their lives.

But I had no notions
that he was any god

or demigod.

He felt familiar.

"And he said," You can
understand things

"that I'm explaining to you
much faster than other people.

And that's really nice for me."

And I felt very flattered
that he thought I was special,

and that he wanted
to spend time with me.

I remember I was at volleyball
after everyone had left.

And he was asking me about
how I saw relationships.

And how I wanted
to relate to him.

And he would always ask me, "Well,
what do you want? What do you want?"

Always asking what do I want.

"And I was like," I don't know.

"I would like to learn
from you as a person.

"I don't necessarily think
that needs to be physical,

but I'm open."

And we kissed.

That was when it became more of
a physical relationship with him.

But it was not until I lost
a certain amount of weight

that we actually had sex.

He would bring me
to this little library.

It was basically like his study.

And there's, like,
a little loft bed.

We'd have these, like,
moments in time.

And I would just kind of
feel loopy afterwards.

Nauseous and shaky.

Strange in my body.

You know,
I would ask him about it.

"He was like," You know,
some people are just

"really, really
sensitive to energy.

And what I'm doing is I'm
giving you a lot of energy."

Allison knew about
my relationship with Keith.

She would say things like,

"Well, I know that Keith is
working with you on body stuff.

"And some people get
really confused about that.

But he's really just
trying to help people."

He told me a lot of things,

and I would ask him
why he trusted me.

"And he said," The reason
I felt so close to you

was because you had given
so much collateral."

And it was then that he told
me he was the head of DOS.

"He said," I know what it is
that you've been doing,

"and it was my idea.
I created it.

"Allison is my slave,

"and I am technically
your great Grandmaster.

And no one will ever really
know that I'm involved."

And I was like, "So, does that mean
you can command me to do anything?"

And he said, "I could.
But I'm not going to."

His explanation of
why he created DOS

was that he saw women
being thwarted

by men in positions of power

when they tried to make
a difference in the world.

He explained that it could be used
to serve a larger vision.

To mobilize the things we
had been learning personally

and apply them to
the outside world.

And, yeah, it crossed my mind
that it could be used for harm,

but I wanted to believe.

And it just comes down to that.

I wanted to believe he was good.

I don't know what will happen
to get India out of there

if she's truly intimate
with Keith

and he's got this
Svengali hold over her.

My mind constantly goes to,

there's gotta be a way.
There's a gotta be a way.

And I don't know what that way is.

Everything they do is intentional.

And it's posing as human growth...

character building, bonding.

And then they think they have
the moral high ground.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- That's what pissed me off the most.

Get the fuck off
the moral high ground.

I wanna text Lauren,
Nancy, and Keith.

And I want to say, "Listen, you're
gonna destroy all the collateral."

"I'm gonna go to the police.
I'm gonna go to the FBI.

Or I'm gonna come up there..."

I'm not gonna say that, but...

If I didn't have a wife and kid,
I think I'd be in jail right now.

'Cause I was gonna
destroy that fuckin' place.

When I started doing research,
like, why brand?

When a human being
goes through that,

you're actually forcing
a dissociative state.

That you literally belong...

to another human being.

Do you want to see it?

I've actually seen pictures
of your brand.

But if you want to show me,
I will, I will see it.

We don't have to do it
right now, do we?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Frank Parlato used to
work for Keith and NXIVM.

He left on bad terms,
and the company went after him.

To fight back, he created a blog
called the "Frank Report"

to share news he was hearing
about NXIVM.

Back then,
I was very wary of him.

We knew there was
another branding ceremony

that was about to happen.

For Catherine, the hope was
that India might even read it,

and realize, "Holy shit,
this is, this is bad."

It was like, we cannot wait.

We have to get this story out,

and Frank will report it.

I decided to tell Frank
about the branding.

It was pretty terrifying.

But my name wasn't attached,
so I felt safe.

And by this point,
I was kind of like...

a vigilante on a mission.

I was so angry.
I was like, "Fuck you.

You fuckin' messed with
the wrong person."

When Frank came out
with the news,

it sent the whole organization
into a panic.

A lot of people began
asking questions.

And that was the idea.

It's not just to expose
what was going on.

It was also about just
getting people to leave.

Getting people away from danger.

When the "Frank Report" came out,
I was in shock.

I didn't know about the branding,
or Keith's initials on the brand.

I started, for the first time,

to realize that things
were not as they seemed.

Then I found out
about an assignment

that a friend of mine
had been given:

to seduce Keith,
and take a picture

to show that they'd
completed the task.

And I have a huge freak-out.

And Keith got
on the phone with me.

He said, "Are you okay?"
I was like, "No. I feel pretty unsafe."

He was like, "Unsafe with me?"
I was like, "Yes."

And I wanted answers from him.

If something is so good,

how could it have gotten
this bad?

"He said," Different Masters
have different approaches

with their slaves."

And I have to respect that.

Which didn't make sense to me.

I kept asking questions
about why this was okay.

And his arguments
were all framed around

what I wanted
and what I was scared of.

And yet, he didn't
answer my questions.

He's such a good salesman.

And the longer I talked to him,

the more I realized
the depth of the deception.

It was about control.

At the time, I hadn't shared
anything with anyone.

And there was this woman
who I knew was in DOS.

We make a plan that we're
gonna spend some time and talk.

I just sort of
dumped everything.

And I just remember the
horrified look on her face.

I hadn't thought of myself
as having been traumatized

until that moment.

I was sort of like,
"Well, what do we do?"

And she was like,
"We fucking leave"

This option was opened.

"Oh, that is something
that I can do."

I was terrified about my collateral.

But I just wanted out.

So, we made a plan
to leave together.

I ended up talking to India
before I left.

I asked her to go
on a walk with me.

She said, you know,
"I heard you're leaving."

I was like, "Yes."

She said,
"Well, I'm gonna miss you."

I was asking her how she felt
about what people were saying.

"And she said," You know,
I don't feel like a victim.

"I'm going through tough shit
but I feel like I'm stronger.

"And I feel really cared for.

And so, my experience
is really different."

She seemed very confident

that what she was doing
was the right thing.

"And she said," I hope you...

you know, find what
you're looking for."

When you leave
something like this,

you're not just losing
your memories,

or your community.

You're losing this idea of
what you were fighting for, too.

And that's really hard
to rebuild.

The only authority that can
lead your life is you.

And I'm just grateful that
I know what it's like

to give that away...

so that I can feel the power
of taking it back again.

There's no way with a child that
I've known for 26 years,

that she would be
involved, condone,

the things that she's
participating in right now.

There's no way.

She's convinced herself
that being branded

with some man's initials,

and being recruited for sex...

that that's a good thing
and this is character building.

This organization
has taken my child.

And I will do whatever it takes...
to get her back.