The Venture Bros. (2003–…): Season 6, Episode 4 - Rapacity in Blue - full transcript

Good morning, handsome!
It's you!

- 7:00! Time to get up
- Ugh.

- and start that day!
- Not this again.

It's the 12th!
You have three more days

till the Science Now conference
to unveil O.S. Sparkle Dream.

- O.S. Sparkle Dream? Idiot.
- So, here's today's to-do list.

One ... hug Sally and remind her
how dang special she is.

- Two ... take little rocket for a walk in the park.
- You're dead. You can stop now.

- Three ... get out of bed and go
- Oh, my god.

- make a difference in the world!
- How many of these did you record?

- Four ... get that operating system...
- Can't take it.



- ...bug-free and user-loving.
- It's like Casper gets up at 7:00 every morning.

Just three more days
till that conference.

Have a scientastic day!

That's my line!
You stole my thing!

I got to figure out
how turn that alarm off.

Ah, working 'round the clock.
How's my build team?

- What do we got for me?
- Breakfast burrito?

They're awesome!

But they taste a little
bit like rubidium chloride.

Ah, so that's what you've
been working on, hmm?

I love it. We'll have to
militarize it, of course ...

slap on a coat of Venture blue
and call it the Zip-a-rounder.

- It's called a Segway.
- Mm. Clever. I like it.

But Zip-a-rounder has
more pop, more pizzazz.



No, it's already called a Segway,

'cause it was invented a long time ago.

Doc, you got to get up on this stuff.

Super science has changed
since you were last... vital.

Oh, I'm vital, Billy.

Guess who's been invited to
the Science Now conference?

Weren't you banned from that conference

'cause you showed a vacuum
cleaner that leaked radiation?

That it immediately cleaned up

because it was that
good of a vacuum? Yes.

But they know a good thing,
and I'm a good thing.

So, what are you gonna present?

Well, that's why I'm
down here! You tell me!

Wow me! Stick your finger into
my ear and tickle my brain.

Reach right up my ass and grab my heart.

Yeesh. I-I could've lived
without that last one.

Well, if you stop harassing Venture ...

and, baby, I mean, like,
stop even talking about it ...

I can get you bumped up to
a level 8 at the meeting tonight.

Good, right?

Sweetie? Right?

Come on! Let's just do it.

It would be awesome.
This is your damn birthright!

Stop. My wife
is watching me like a hawk

after that little stunt
Copy-cat pulled on me.

Let's just turn this hole
into the Monarch's Egg sac

and impress the Guild.

Ohh, just wait till they see my Egg sac!

The Egg sac, besides
being the single worst name

for a secret lair, isn't gonna cut it.

Then what's your great idea, hmm?

Put on these halloween waiter
outfits and be good guys?

No! Well, yes.
If we become Blue Morpho and Kano,

we could take out every villain
arching Venture, leaving who?

Us, yes ... to be Venture's
only arch villains!

I'm never gonna be a good guy.
I'm a villain!

I shower in this cowl.
I laugh at regular jokes like this.

I'm a super villain.

My dad wasn't. So, no.

Blue Morpho wore this villain mask!
He was all sinister and stuff.

You saw the comics!

Oh, yes, the same comics that
never mentioned he had a kid.

Ironclad historical document that ended

with my dad giving fruit
pies to troubled teens.

I am not a good guy. Period.

I'm making this place into an Egg sac.

Señor Monarch, sir,
your wife is coming downstairs.

Run!

Move! Go!
Come on, with pep!

Honey?
Where's my kiss goodbye?

Hello? What happened to you?
You just ...

Uh, s-step, step,
quick-quick, step.

Step, step and tan-go close.

Oh! Uh, sweetie! Hi!

We were just, uh,
tangoing, because, um ...

Because of our training routine.

A good villain/henchman
relationship is a dance of death.

Okay, well, I'll mention
your progressive training

when I present your case
to the Guild tonight.

Tonight?
Tonight is date night.

I told you a week ago
I'm gonna be on meteor majeure.

- I can't ...
- Space meteor? Convenient excuse.

I mean, if date night doesn't
mean that much to you...

Oh, sweetness. If you
want me to cancel, I ...

- No! Uh...
- Oh, no, it's cool.

- Um, no, it's fine.
- We've got a lot to do.

A-All right. That's my ride.

You sure you don't want me to stay?

Yeah, yeah, no, the Guild needs you.

Don't ... Don't you worry about me.

Okay, sweetie.
I'll see you in a few days.

You may have spread that
frosting just a little thick.

Yeah, Mr. Quick-think?
Maybe I should've danced with her, huh?

I laid it on just thick enough.

Ugh, I hate that she
works with that clown.

"I'm Phantom Limb.
Oh, don't mind if I touch your ass."

That... dingus!

Bye-bye, you asshole.
I hate you, too.

- All right, she's gone.
- To the Egg sac!

- Ugh. See?
- Yeah, yeah. It does sound kind of "ew"-y.

Now, I'm sure you see
me as a lady-killer, Dean ...

a guy who knows his way around smooching

and also touching
bathing-suit areas of women.

No. Uh, not really.

The sexual tiger-boy
you see is a ruse, Dean.

Sure, I'll say it ... I have the
confident swagger of a bounder.

Girls find me something of a mystery.

- But I can't help that.
- What's your point, Hank?

Okay, I have a date coming up,
and I don't wanna blow it.

I need some advice on
how to, uh... satisfy?

You're asking me?
I-I don't ...

- W-Why don't you ask pop?
- I did. I learned nothing.

Oh, no, wait.
I learned that he carries

pamphlets on the dangers
of chlamydia in his wallet.

The Whisper Washer!

A completely silent washing machine.

Pro ... silent washing machine.

Con ... it's ... it's a washing machine.

Yeah, no appliances.
Already went down that road.

Dead end. Next.

Behold, Shuffle Dynamism!

Pro ... free power in any building.

Con ... everybody has
to wear magnetic booties

and drag their feet on a special floor.

And it's very loud, and your lawyers

informed me that it's
actually slave labor.

- We can work around that.
- And it generates enough power

- to run maybe a small pencil sharpener.
- Nice work, White. Billy?

How many of you like to
kick back with a cold one?

- Show of hands.
- Billy, this isn't the meadowlands.

Sorry.

The Prometheus Drug!

The super-cool name is the first pro.

The second pro is that
it can regenerate a liver.

Well, now we're talking!

Regrowing a liver? Billy!
Ka-Ching! Any cons?

Oh, yeah. Sadly, after
it regenerates your liver,

it just keeps making livers.
I got a bucket of mice

that exploded from
growing multiple livers.

You know, the real con
is that I'm getting sick

- of blowing mice up.
- You guys, what do you have now?

The conference is in days.
What works?

Washing machine.

God Gas. God Gas worked.

God Gas?
I'm chubbing up already.

Well, it's temporary
stimulation of the temporal lobe

via a gas introduced
to the orbital cortex

through the old factory connections.

- So, you have...?
- A way to activate the temporal lobe

into having pseudo-religious
visions, maybe?

Or ... and don't act like
you haven't thought of this.

- You know what I'm thinking.
- Yes. Okay, yes!

It could be considered
that. But that's ...

- Say it, Billy! Be a man!
- You're reaching!

That's a praxis misapplication.
No way.

What are you guys talking about?
What is it?

Mind-control Gas!

You guys are so cool sometimes.

Mind-control Gas.
So good. Make it.

Dude, what are you
doing in your geek cloak?

- We got to paint the Egg Sac.
- Before you do,

there's something down
there you must see... alone.

- What's down there?
- Only what you take with you.

Oka... all right, come on.
S-Show me this stupid thing.

Your purple paint and brush!
You will not need them.

This better be good.

He has much anger in him,
like his father.

Was I any different
when you taught me?

He is not ready.

All right. What is this crap?

...scan head records

as the tape whizzes by
at 7.5 inches per second,

giving close to 200
lines of resolution ...

all in a package so small,
it fits into your car's trunk.

Astounding. With civilian
technology like that,

we'll be out of a job soon.

Well, you will.
I'm no super-scientist.

You've read the papers.
I'm "unhinged."

That's what I love about ya

and what everybody hates about ya.

"Vigilante!"
"Bad guy!"

Ah, let 'em think what
they want. Whatever.

Then I'm a bad guy.
Ha! There, I said it.

Watch it there, blue baby.

That's now on VTR tape.

The Blue Morpho is a bad guy!

Unbelievable.

Wow, that's amazing!

Right?! I told you!

What's on the rest of this?

Oh, you do not wanna know!

Oh, yes, he does.

Oh, yes, I do!

Groovy!
Our arch enemies are here.

Blue Morpho, it looks like some
evildoers have entered our lair.

Oh, we're in for it now, Jonas.

- And they appear to have a growth ray!
- Go Team Venture.

Oh, my God!
They are not my mommy!

No! I-I am like 80% positive

that is Jill St. John
and Stella Stevens.

- Well, did it work?
- Uh, I'm not sure.

How can you tell if a
mouse is prone to religious

thinking or is
susceptible to suggestion?

Why are we doing this?

Well, to see if they die or grow
another head or something.

I think that one's lonely.
Should you write that down?

Uh, yeah, Dean, I'll just write down,

"drug may cause loneliness
in mice." Anything else?

Well, the one in the back might
be mad at that one over there.

- They won't look at each other.
- Why are you down here?

I don't have class till 1:30,
and Hank is following me around

looking for advice on
how to score with women.

Do you know anything about that?

If I did, would I be down here?

Okay, so, she's ready,
and I'm going in for the kiss.

- Is it eyes closed or eyes open?
- Your eyes open, her eyes closed.

- There's a little trick to that.
- What if I have to pee?

Hank, let's just assume that
you have an empty bladder.

Okay. "Use bathroom beforehand."

"Make sure fly is up."

All right.
So, I'm going in, eyes open.

Just go in slow, like this...
like a cobra, ready to strike.

- She'll close her eyes even if you don't.
- Oh, that is awesome!

Cobra. Got it.

What's up, Hatred?

We got a Code Green down here.
Backup requested.

"Code Green"?
Who's the hostage?

That would be me.

21 comes back, I lose the cocoon,

I find the cave, my dad
might not be a good guy,

and it all feels like it's meant to be.

But then my wife wants me
to rise in the Guild ranks,

and I don't want to
let her down, you know?

You know, I'm not Mr. Feeny
from "Boy Meets World."

I don't really care about this.
Do what you want.

Wise advice.
But what do I want, Manolo?

That is the ques...

Hmm. Hold on.
Hi, sweetness.

Baby, did you ever fill
out form 382-R like I asked?

And you got to submit
the form dash 23 dash 82.

It's an extension.

You can't do the normal one...
needs to be as an extension.

Yeah, I'll, uh ...
I'll fax those right to you.

All right. Thanks, sweetie.
Just e-mail them.

Okay, I gotta go.

This isn't mine.
Whose suit is this?

You're kidding me, right?

Form 23 dash screw it.

I'm the Blue Morpho!

- Thank you, Manolo.
- Sí. Whatever, Mr. Monarch.

So wise, Manolo.
Whatever indeed.

I am Haranguetan!

I am here to bring the
unfortunate Dr. Venture pain!

- Are you Dr. Venture?!
- I'm the guy between you and Dr. Venture.

Now, why don't you let the old
man go and try to get by me?

Oh, I accept your offer.
To your feet, old man!

How old do you guys think I am?

Look at the way you quake in fear,

clinging to your final
days like a fat insect.

Pathetic!
Now strike me!

- It's not loaded.
- Neither is this.

Strike me if you dare.

Oh, please. I've wiped
bigger turds than you.

- Let's see your moves.
- I smell your fear.

Now, strike me!

Ugh, little men.

Just look at them.
Pyrois, Aethon, ride!

- What are you waiting for?
- For you to strike me.

Let's go.
Make that last mistake.

Right here, as hard as you're able.

You gonna stop talking,
take a swing, or what?

Here it is laid before you.

Strike me.
Strike me like a man.

- What are you ... look, lady,
that was mine! - Oh, please!

You two would've been pissing
testosterone at each other

till the cattle of Geryon came home.

You can't just fly in and do that.

There's, uh ... there's, like, a code.

I heed not your bro code.
Justice has no gender.

I'm pretty sure it's a
blind woman, actually.

Oh, powerful Heracles,
do you wish to strike me?

- You want to hit me, lady?
- Are you afraid to be felled by a woman?

You afraid of a little man like me?

- Oh, let's go.
- I'm right here!

What are you doing?

What do you mean?
I'm gonna paint these things

to look like eggs.
I just gave up.

The Egg sac. You win, dude.

Put down the paint.
We're going with your idea.

Really? Oh, you want
to pile all this crap up

and climb it like the aggro-crag?

No, no, the good idea.
Kano, it's time to suit up!

Aw, hell yes, it is, Blue Morpho!

The new adventures
of Blue Morpho and Kano.

The Monarch,
a down-and-out super-villain,

claims his birthright
as the Blue Morpho,

who may or may not be a good guy.

Along with his faithful
bodyguard and chauffeur, Kano,

who isn't actually an Asian.

Their mission ... to beat up on villains

that beat up on Dr. Venture

till they alone beat up on Dr. Venture.

- This doesn't fit at all.
- Nope. Too roomy.

Using skills taught to him

by his high-school home
economics teacher, Mrs. Althen,

Kano makes key alterations
to their costumes.

Does it bunch up in the seat?

- No, it's cool.
- Cool.

To the Morpho Mobile!

Oh, Brock, there you are.

Okay, so, I've been thinking.

Let's say she has on
a sports bra, right?

No hooks! How can I get
one of those things off?

You want to know what to do?
You do nothing.

You just stand there like a jackass.

Let her get right up in your
face, and just stand there.

- And then let Hatred get hospitalized.
- Mm-hmm, right.

Wait, is the hospital, like, a metaphor,
like, for kissing?

Hank, I don't know!

I don't know anything about
getting a woman to understand

that her freaky muscles
and obnoxious personality

are a huge turn-on,
and that all you wanna do

- is bend her over and drive ...
- Okay! Okay! I get it!

Only lady body-builders
use sports bras.

Point taken.

Don't take the Lincoln Tunnel!

It's rush hour!
Take the Triborough.

Idiot, that goes to Queens!

I'm the chauffeur.
Let me... chauff.

Then the George Washington or whatever.

Don't take the Lincoln Tunnel!

Yes, yes, beep at us.

Beep at the car that can shoot
rockets from its trunk. Smart!

Chill, chill.
Let's just go over our plan.

Here's my plan. I'm gonna
rocket that tool behind us.

All right, according to
Guild activity report,

some guy named Haranguetan ...
good name ...

is arching Venture all day,
so he's our mark.

Sweet. He's a dead man.

And they'll blame the Blue Morpho!

Dude, you look like the Monarch
going to a "Mad Men" party.

- You got to trim the beard.
- It took me 20 years to grow this!

This is how they know
the Monarch is here!

Yeah, exactly!
That's my exact point.

Yeah, and these things have
gotten too trendy anyway.

Give me your knife, will you?
I'll donate it to locks of love.

The effect lasts about an hour.

The subject will have
a heightened sense of awe

- and, uh, religious visions.
- And? Come on, Billy.

I need my Mind-control Gas.
Gotta have it.

Okay, and be more
susceptible to suggestion.

But hydrochloride as a dopamine
antagonist is really ...

Blah, blah, blah, chemistry, blah.

Check out my delivery system.
It looks like a cool gun

and can shoot a blast of
that crap almost 15 feet.

And it has the Ven-Tech
logo on the stock.

Look, Doc, we really need more testing.

The mice are, u-uh, on fire!

I am so sick of killing mice!

Nice. The conference
is in a couple days.

We need to move on to human testing.

Doc, be real. Where are
we gonna find someone

willing to take an
untested mind-control drug?

Doc, just stay in the basement.
That Haranguetan guy is back.

I'm gonna go pound his face in.

Just hold him there.
I need him.

What? It's totally within the
rules of this kind of stuff.

All right, we got to be quick!
Those parking meters are crazy.

Right?
$3.50 an hour is outrageous!

- Good, you didn't hurt him.
- No, I... I think his ribs.

But, uh, no biggie.
What's going on?

Just put him on the ground and back up.

Billy is going to subdue him
with my new Mind-control Gas.

I drew the short straw again.

I'm, uh, sorry about this,
Mr. Haranguetan.

Oh, God!

Okay, that's not supposed to happen.

White, you idiot!

What was that?
What's happening?

You are my slave.
You will do my bidding.

I am your master.

You will do as I command.

You are my slave,
and I your master.

Demon! Spawn of hell!

- I cast you to oblivion!
- Please.

Save me, Rusty Venture, boy adventurer!

Save me!

Brock? Get back here!

I'm coming for you!

- What the hell was that about?
- Who cares?

Let's just do this before
that freak messes up Venture.

Only I get to do that.

Brock, come back!
There's a bad guy in my lobby!

What is going on?

Back into hell, demon spawn!

Drop the little boy, Haranguetan,
or suffer the consequences.

It's Blue Morpho and Kano

from the Rusty Venture show!
Save me!

Kano, use your... karate
stuff on him. Whatever.

You're all safe now, little ...
uh, citizen.

- And you can thank the Blue Morpho!
- Thank you, Blue Morpho.

Wait. I recognize you.

- I-I know who you are.
- No, you ... No, you don't.

I'm the Blue Morpho.
Always been the Blue ...

Kano, let's get the hell out of here!

Dude, I'm like 90% sure
I just punched a guy to death.

Your secret is safe
with me, Blue Morpho!

My bodyguard is in there.
I'm not some punk. I'm Dr. Ven...

Hey, hey, this is rayon. It rumples.

Oh, yeah? Next time you
trespass on private property,

wear something else.

- Need a hand getting up, citizen?
- Oh, thank you. I was ...

What the...
You can't be. No. You're ...

The Blue Morpho!

Sir!
Sir, this is a restricted building.

I need to see an I.D.
You have to go, sir.

You don't ...

Oh, Heracles.
What an unwelcome surprise.

And you brought me a corpse.
How thoughtful.

Your beauty is your
strength, and I submit to it.

Take me, and let me know what
it's like to be with a woman.

There is nothing in
this world but your power

and me, the only man who can see it.

Let me worship at your altar.

Let me know the
pleasure of a real woman.

I'm gonna tire you out, brave Heracles.
Break you upon my wheel.

- What was all that about?
- You're asking me?

I hid in the corner till
all I could hear was Billy crying.

Mind-control Gas, my ass.

Now I have to unveil O.S. Sparkle Dream
at the Science Now conference.

Or we could rename it!
You know, God Gas?

Okay, yeah, that might work.

But instead of a gun,
it could be an aspergillum!

- Those little pope water-shaker things?
- Exactly!

What are you doing?

Nothing. And your
secret is safe with me...

Blue Morpho.

That was the most fun I have ever had!

You called everybody "citizen"!
Classic!

- Yeah, it sucks about the car, though.
- But that could've been avoided

- if you'd just put more money in
the freakin' meter. - I had nothing!

This costume has like three
nickels from 1965 in the pocket.

Everything will be fine.
Don't worry about it.

Just bask in the glory
of us kicking ass.

- Oh, look who's home.
- Oh! Uh, step, step...

- Knock it off!
- Quick-quick, step... okay.

I felt so bad that I missed date night
that I took the first shuttle back.

And I come home to this.

- Wait, now, n... I can explain!
- No need.

- I know what's going on.
- No, there ...

there's a good reason
we're dressed like this.

I'm not an idiot, Monarch.
I know why you're in suits.

I know why you trimmed your beard.

You went out on date-night
with 21 to spite me.

And... that's the reason!
Yeah, e-exactly that.

I-I-I feel so ashamed, honey.

Yeah!