The Venture Bros. (2003–…): Season 5, Episode 2 - Venture Libre - full transcript
One of Dr. Venture's old inventions seems to have gotten a mind of its own, so General Manhowers sends him to Central America to fix it. The Ventures must all confront their own hearts of darkness if they're to survive what's waiting for them in the jungle.
[ Subbed by BARFNUTS ]
VENTURE:
Dean, stop playing with your food
and eat something.
I'm not hungry.
And I'm a vegetarian now.
I don't eat face.
Hey, uh, more java, Doc?
Oh, lord, yes.
Yeah, hit me up, too,
will you?
Up-bap-bap.
No caffeine for this one.
The last time you got a hold
of some dark chocolate,
you were up two nights straight
destroying my walls
to build a Murphy bed.
Murphy beds. You still haven't
found all of them.
I'm that good!
Well, let's just see
how good you are
at getting those dishes
spotless, huh?
You're on K.P., little man.
Mmm!
[helicopter approaching]
Oh, don't rub it in!
What is this,
Arabica?
Blackhawk.
Huh. Never heard of it.
Mountain grown?
No, military.
One of ours.
[thuds]
And it's on our roof now.
SOLDIERS: Boo-yah!
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
May I be excused?
All clear, sir.
Kitchen is secure.
As you were, soldiers.
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hup! Hup!
Dr. Venture, we need
to ticky-talk.
The army doesn't have
a phone?
No, you don't.
My boys cut your lines
as a security precaution.
Great! I'll add that
to the bill for my windows.
What the hell is this about?
Pack your bags
for tropical climes!
A piece of ordnance you sold me
is on the fritz.
I need you on site
down in Puerto Bahia
to fix it -- ASAP!
What, did you lose the manual?
What do you need me for?
'Cause it's still under
warranty,
and it'll only talk
to you.
DOC:
Dean!
Dean?
We're going on an adventure.
DEAN:
Yay for you.
I take it from
your oh-so-jejune retort
you're not coming then?
Fine. Well, if Ted calls,
take a message
and tell him I'll be back
in like a day or two, okay?
Dean?
DEAN:
I said okay!
Oh, no, you d--
He didn't, right?
Did you hear him?
[jet engine takes off]
DEAN:
Hey, boy. You look kind of blue.
Something bugging you?
- [ beeps]
I think I might.
You're not happy being a giant
robot spider are you?
[beeps]
Walking eye. Sorry.
I know how you feel.
I don't really wanna be
what Pop wants me to be, either.
MANHOWERS:
Boy, these jPads your brother concocted
are something else,
huh?
Look at us -- briefing
on the go at 30,000 feet.
Whoo-ee!
Meh, I miss
the old-school briefings --
the smoke-filled rooms,
the soft clatter
of the projector --
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You been following the news
out of Puerto Bahia?
'Course not.
It's classified.
Well, a bunch
of no-good commies
been trying to take
over the place.
Communists?
Wow. They still make those?
And Uncle Sam, he's good pals
with El Presidente.
He told us to give him
a helping hand.
Only he don't want to leave
no fingerprints.
And that's why we sent your
Venturestein down there --
put the kamikaze kibosh
on their little revolution.
And then just like that --
Poof! --
they vanished.
Now, we believe he absconded
with the rest of the steins
to the jungle southwest
of Capital City.
Believe? If you're not even
sure where he is,
how am I supposed
to find him?
With the one thing you didn't
screw up the first time.
Radioactive dye you juiced him
with -- jPad here
can track it once you're
within a couple of clicks.
There's an app for that.
You mean a trap
for that!
- MANHOWERS: Say again?
- DOC: What?
Venturestein
is luring us there!
He wants to meet his maker
face-to-face so he can kill you.
Hank, don't be
paranoid.
Venturestein and I got along
famously.
That's exactly why we think
he'll let you in close.
I'm just saying.
If we get there and he's in
a pair of bicycle shorts
talking about
"Tears in the Rain,"
you run like hell
because he is there
to smush your head!
MANHOWERS:
Ah, you ain't gotta worry
about him going
all "Roy Batty" on you.
If you can't talk him down,
all you gotta do
is click that little icon
that looks like a cherry bomb.
- Then what?
- Then you run like hell.
'Cause that jPad
you're holding comes
fat-packed
with factory-installed C-4.
W-Wait!
You want me to kill him?
No, he was already dead
once, man!
Where's your moral dilemma?
No, it's not that!
It's just you, uh...
haven't mentioned
the little matter of my...
compensation.
Oh, right. Right.
Let me see here...
I'm already out of pocket here
on supersonic jet fuel --
How's this for
out of pocket, huh?
'Cause that's exactly what you
gave your Uncle Sam
when you sold him a bushel
of dead lemons!
Now fix it!
MAN ON RADIO:
Attention, unidentified aircraft.
You are entering
controlled airspace.
Turn back now.
- Uh, hello?
This is
Dr. Thaddeus S. Venture.
To whom am I speaking?
- HATRED: We got incoming.
- I'm out of here.
- What the heck?
Too big to be a missile,
too slow to be a jet.
What could --
[metal scraping ]
[ Screeches ]
- We lost cabin pressure!
- Really?
That's what concerns you.
- HANK: Go time!
All right, do not deploy 'til
you're below 500 feet
so the enemy won't spot
your chutes.
If we lose each other
in the shit,
regroup at rendezvous point
at 2400 hours!
Rende--
Hank, wait!
- Please be prompt!
- That's not a...
[Whimpers]
This is not a parachute!
Good gravy. That boy is
gonna get himself killed!
Yeah, like
We're doing great.
[ Pteranodon screeches ]
Can't... shake him!
Get off, you damn pest!
Yeah, I think Hank might have
had the right idea.
Hang on!
[ Screeches ]
Oh, this is much
better.
At least I got
a clear shot now.
Don't!
[ Screeches ]
Aah!
Aah!
Uh...
ah!
Uh-huh.
Aah!
[grunting ]
[doorbell rings]
Well, hi, there, Mister,
uh, Venture.
My name is Marsha Backwood,
and I am running for
re-election
to the United States Congress.
Uh, 'Kay.
Oh, pardon me.
Buenos dies.
Donde estas Senor Ventura?
Puerta Bahia.
Uh, I'm sorry.
That's all the Spanish I know.
No, he went
to Puerto Bahia.
Oh!
Well, do you know
when he'll be back?
Return-o a casa?
[ sighs ]
No!
The army dragged him away
for something.
Now, buenas tardes.
I'm busy here!
Get me General Manhowers.
And find out
if that gardener's legal.
[sighs]
Okay, H.E.L.P.Er.,
I'm just gonna
switch you off first while --
[ panicked beeping ]
Aah! No! Easy, boy!
It's okay!
I promise it won't hurt!
H.E.L.P.Er.!
Wait!
I can make it all better!
[beep]
Well, H.E.L.P.Er. should
be here any minute,
assuming he survived
the crash.
Survived the -- you know
we didn't bring H.E.L.P.Er.
With us, right?
Ri-i-g-ht.
Uhh, any luck getting Hank?
Dead.
His watch, I mean.
Static.
I'm getting a lot of --
Nobody's dead,
just put that --
Yeah, all right,
all right.
Well, let's just wait here
'til he shows up then.
Without that jPad,
I don't have a clue
where we're going anyway.
Dr. Venture? Dr. Venture!
Come on, now, pick up.
Aw, I got nothing
but sky here.
What in blazes?
Ugh, I'm gonna throw up!
You!
DOC:
Ugh, god, I hate the jungle.
It's hot. It's damp.
Everything's alive.
Here, look at this.
See this stick?
No, you don't.
'Cause guess what --
it's a bug.
It's a stick bug.
Ugh! Disgusting.
And that's not all!
Shh! You hear something?
I hear you
changing my subject.
[footsteps approaching ]
Someone's coming. Get down!
DOC:
Ugh, urine everywhere!
HATRED:
Shh!
[ Sniffing ]
[ Snorting ]
What the hell
are those things?
They weren't in the briefing.
- You didn't make them?
- No!
Oh, crap, he heard you.
He's looking right at us.
- What do we do?
- We make a break for it.
I'll divert them,
you run west.
Ready?
Now!
Hey, pretty boy!
Jocelyn Wildenstein called!
She wants her face back!
[ Hisses ]
[snarls, growls]
Oh, my god!
This was a bad idea!
Cheetah-man is crazy-fast!
I do not know
what I was thinking!
Climb up a tree!
Cheetahs can't climb!
They don't have
retractable claws!
Neither do I!
Oh, l am being disemboweled!
For the love of God, shake
a bag of pounce at him!
[ growls ]
Aah!
HANK:
[groaning ]
Hank's war journal,
entry number one.
I don't know
how long I was out.
The rumble in my tummy
tells me
it's been at least
four hours.
[beep]
Hank's war journal,
entry number two.
My team failed to rendezvous,
and they're not answering
their watches.
I am on my own,
stranded behind enemy lines.
I'll need my strength to
set up base camp.
Thankfully, mother nature
provides for her children.
Hmm.
[snoring ]
[Squeaking ]
Huh?
Father!
[ Panicked beeping ]
[grunting ]
[strained ]
Hank was right!
Venturestein terribly sorry.
N-Not mean do that.
Uh, old habit.
Wow. Your diction's
really come a long way
since I last saw you.
Good Venturestein.
Yes, army teach Venturestein
make more good diction.
Yeah, syntax --
not so much.
Army also teach Venturestein salute.
Teach make bed.
Teach kill.
Sounds like the army had
a real positive
influence on your life.
Why don't we just
take you back --
No!
Venturestein never go back!
Army make Venturestein
come here,
infiltrate revolution peoples.
Orders make self-terminate
when discover.
Several Stein obey.
That when Venturestein
see him.
He older, but Venturestein
still recognize --
is Jorgé,
little shoe boy
from Father teach films!
He not know Venturestein,
of course.
But after he stop scream,
we make good talk.
Jorgé open Venturestein eyes
to exploitation of proletariat.
Change Venturestein whole outlook.
That when Venturestein decide
quit army,
go to jungle.
So, you fell in
with a bad crowd.
You're feeling rebellious --
that's adolescence!
Listen to your father, here.
My Dean is going
through the same thing.
Let go of me!
Let go, you undead bastards!
I demand to be heard!
Is okay.
State grievance, comrade.
Why haven't you slain
this scientist yet?
Karl, we discuss.
Need Father to --
He killed Turu!
We found her body
next to his plane.
He deserves to die!
Him and his chubby
girlfriend.
Is true?
That's -- he's not my
girlfriend, he's my bodyguard.
Turu part!
Urn, is Turu
a pterodactyl?
Pteranodon, you monster!
See?
He not even good at science.
Father bring no pain
to Karl.
Karl go outside, maybe.
Cool off.
[ Hisses]
I'll walk myself out!
[ Urinating ]
[zips]
Karl mark his territory.
Send Venturestein
not subtle message.
[ Clears throat]
Friend of yours?
Karl sometimes hothead.
Karl not have good father
like -- like Venturestein!
Venturestein find Karl father
lab few click from here.
Experiment on Karl
with bad hurt-science.
Venturestein liberate.
[gunfire]
Venturestein learn
jungle very popular
with bad scientist.
Secret science hurt-camp
everywhere!
Liberate all!
New friends join Venturestein.
Become new army.
Come here, all together!
Make home.
That why Venturestein
need Father.
Father tell other scientists
no more hurt-science!
Tell them free Venturestein
brother and sister.
Look, I know you
think your father is Superman
and I can do anything,
but I'm gonna level
with you here --
I don't have a whole lot
of sway
in the science scene
these days.
What this? Father make army box
blow up Venturestein?
No! No! I-l was --
Please be careful with that!
Father bad!
Sonnystein! Tedstein!
Take Father!
Father not help
Venturestein.
Venturestein help himself.
Wait!
Army box make internet?
Hank's War Journal,
star date 2112.
Sleep would not come to me.
The jungle would not allow it.
She has clutched me to her
bountiful bosom
and nourished me,
which is kind of nice 'cause
I never had a mommy.
But she demands a sacrifice
in return.
[ groans, vomits ]
I've vomited
and diarrheaed out
whatever was left
of my old life.
My Hank's run dry.
I'm but an empty vessel,
waiting for the jungle
to fill me with new purpose.
[thunder crashes]
Only through her
will I be reborn.
But, pray tell,
what new Hank will emerge
from her hot, green
womb?
Huh?
[gasps]
Yes, mother.
I shall become...
a bat.
[groans]
[farts]
Oh!
[ door opens ]
I’m sorry sir, I-l tried
to stop her, but --
General Manhowers, did you
abduct one of my constituents?
Need I remind you
that we have
a constitution in this country,
sir --
And this is
an election year.
Now, don't get your tea cozy
in a bunch,
little miss sunshine.
Dr. Venture volunteered
to consult
on a matter of national --
[jPad dings]
Why, this is him right now.
- Hello. I Venturestein.
- W-What's he...
Nah, nah, nah.
This ain't right!
I speak now to brother
and sister comrade
still in bondage
with message of hope.
U.R.G.H.!!
We United Repressed Grotesque
Humanity!
We here help all who suffer
from scientist everywhere!
You who made in laboratory,
and in toxic swamp.
You vivisected angel
who suffer in silence.
[dog whimpers]
Venturestein feel your pain!
Break free!
Children of the atom,
break free from scientist shackle!
U.R.G.H., welcome you
with open arms!
Come -- come to land where
you accepted.
Eh, this is
going great, huh?
Remind me never to take
government work again.
They called us "abomination,"
but together we build
abomi-nation!
U.R.G.H.!
Holy crap!
He ain't just gone off
the reservation --
he's opening
his own damn casino!
Where'd she go?
[ Beeping ]
[groans]
[panting]
[thunder crashes]
You who made in laboratory
and in toxic swamp.
You vivisected angel
who suffer in silence.
[groaning]
Aah!
[panting]
Venturestein
feel your pain!
Break free!
No!
- [farts]
- What's going on over there?
Nothing!
The bed creaked.
KARL:
Venturestein!
Venturestein!
Come out here!
Zoink! ls angry mob!
They have torches?
KARL:
Give us the scientist!
He is of no more use to you.
We demand justice for Turu!
Yeah, we executed
all our science guys.
[snorts]
Why is yours so special?
Please, comrades.
Time for bloodshed over.
We dawn of new era.
Soon, new brothers and sisters come.
How do you know
that they'll come?
And where do you expect
to put them all?
Seriously, have you thought
this through at all?
Our capacity to absorb
an influx of immigrants?
We have zero infrastructure!
Please, comrades.
We need a real leader
who is not afraid to fight!
Who is with me?
Look, these are all
important issues,
but what I want to know is --
what are you gonna do
about The Bat?
You guys haven't heard
about this?
Like a massive bat creature.
He's been terrorizing us
out on patrol.
Wait.
We don't have a bat guy?
- Bat guy?
- No.
BOTH:
Hank.
Then we will hunt this bat!
And we will kill The Bat!
And when we have done this,
we are coming back for them!
ALL:
Yeah!
[indistinct shouting]
MAN:
He was so fast.
Maybe even faster than you,
Karl.
I heard he's invisible.
I heard he can walk
through walls!
He's just a man.
[ Sniffs ]
A boy-
[ sniffs ]
A boy with a tummyache.
Aah!
[indistinct shouting]
Ah! Damn it!
[deep voice]
Have no fear, General.
Huh?
The mission is
in my hands now.
- Who the hell is this now?
- A friend.
Huh?
ls that the Venture boy?
You look affright, son.
You need to have yourself
a lie-down.
[ growls ]
Go.
Thank you,
Venturestein.
Batman!
BOTH:
Hank!
Hank's gone.
Call me... The Bat.
I'll call you a cab.
I think you've had one too many.
Ah, leave me.
Save yourselves.
Oh, stop with the drama.
You're not hurt that bad.
No, really.
Leave me. I want to stay.
All right, what'd you drink?
You're talking as crazy as Hank now.
Crazy is spending
your whole life
trying to be something
you're not.
I'm a freak, Doc.
A-A monster.
I can't hack it
in the straight world.
I-I want to spend
my autumn years
in a place
where I'll be accepted,
with a vaguely
paramilitary vibe
and absolutely
no children whatsoever.
KARL:
There they are! Slaughter them!
Let's get the fuck
out of here!
To the Hankmobile!
[ Gunfire,
indistinct shouting]
[engine sputters]
Head for the beach.
[ Beeping ]
All right, now what?
Tell me you've
got a Hank-boat.
Wait for it!
In 5... 4...
3...
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
The jungle's no place
for a jPad.
They get wet, the warranty
is voided -- awful.
[sighs] I got
nothing left, Pop.
I'm getting drowsy.
Whoo.
Shouldn't have had that
big crab dinner
before the mission.
No, look, l-l'm not like
the other scientists, okay?
You wanna know what Venturestein
was doing before this?
He was dead!
And before that,
he was a henchman
for some prick
in a butterfly costume.
Two, actually.
I saved him!
I gave him life!
[all whimpering]
[ Beeping excitedly]
H.E.L.P.Er.!
Thank heaven!
Kill these guys!
[ Gun cocks ]
Wait! Look!
On the horizon!
VENTURESTEIN:
You see, comrades?
Is glorious new dawn
Venturestein promise.
Abomi-nation all come --
by sea and by air!
Excuse me!
Pardon-a me!
That man you're holding
is a citizen of
the United States!
I am Congresswoman
Marsha Backwood,
and I am here
to negotiate h--
Oh, did somebody lose
an iPad?
[ All scream ]
Yeah, I can fix this.
[ Up-tempo music plays]
And fresh from her recent
fact-finding mission,
here to give us her unique
perspective
on this Puerto Bahia situation
is Congresswoman
Marsha Backwood.
[applause]
Thank you,
Mr. Secretary-General.
I here today tell all --
Abomi-nation proud,
hearty people.
Boys? Come on down.
It's on.
DOC:
Dean?
Hank?
[upbeat music plays]
BOTH:
♫ Ooooh ♫
Hold on, stop! Stop! Stop!
What the "F"?
H.E.L.P.Er. sounds like
crap now.
I know, right?
Man, friggin' Dean.
VENTURE:
Dean, stop playing with your food
and eat something.
I'm not hungry.
And I'm a vegetarian now.
I don't eat face.
Hey, uh, more java, Doc?
Oh, lord, yes.
Yeah, hit me up, too,
will you?
Up-bap-bap.
No caffeine for this one.
The last time you got a hold
of some dark chocolate,
you were up two nights straight
destroying my walls
to build a Murphy bed.
Murphy beds. You still haven't
found all of them.
I'm that good!
Well, let's just see
how good you are
at getting those dishes
spotless, huh?
You're on K.P., little man.
Mmm!
[helicopter approaching]
Oh, don't rub it in!
What is this,
Arabica?
Blackhawk.
Huh. Never heard of it.
Mountain grown?
No, military.
One of ours.
[thuds]
And it's on our roof now.
SOLDIERS: Boo-yah!
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
May I be excused?
All clear, sir.
Kitchen is secure.
As you were, soldiers.
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hup! Hup!
Dr. Venture, we need
to ticky-talk.
The army doesn't have
a phone?
No, you don't.
My boys cut your lines
as a security precaution.
Great! I'll add that
to the bill for my windows.
What the hell is this about?
Pack your bags
for tropical climes!
A piece of ordnance you sold me
is on the fritz.
I need you on site
down in Puerto Bahia
to fix it -- ASAP!
What, did you lose the manual?
What do you need me for?
'Cause it's still under
warranty,
and it'll only talk
to you.
DOC:
Dean!
Dean?
We're going on an adventure.
DEAN:
Yay for you.
I take it from
your oh-so-jejune retort
you're not coming then?
Fine. Well, if Ted calls,
take a message
and tell him I'll be back
in like a day or two, okay?
Dean?
DEAN:
I said okay!
Oh, no, you d--
He didn't, right?
Did you hear him?
[jet engine takes off]
DEAN:
Hey, boy. You look kind of blue.
Something bugging you?
- [ beeps]
I think I might.
You're not happy being a giant
robot spider are you?
[beeps]
Walking eye. Sorry.
I know how you feel.
I don't really wanna be
what Pop wants me to be, either.
MANHOWERS:
Boy, these jPads your brother concocted
are something else,
huh?
Look at us -- briefing
on the go at 30,000 feet.
Whoo-ee!
Meh, I miss
the old-school briefings --
the smoke-filled rooms,
the soft clatter
of the projector --
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You been following the news
out of Puerto Bahia?
'Course not.
It's classified.
Well, a bunch
of no-good commies
been trying to take
over the place.
Communists?
Wow. They still make those?
And Uncle Sam, he's good pals
with El Presidente.
He told us to give him
a helping hand.
Only he don't want to leave
no fingerprints.
And that's why we sent your
Venturestein down there --
put the kamikaze kibosh
on their little revolution.
And then just like that --
Poof! --
they vanished.
Now, we believe he absconded
with the rest of the steins
to the jungle southwest
of Capital City.
Believe? If you're not even
sure where he is,
how am I supposed
to find him?
With the one thing you didn't
screw up the first time.
Radioactive dye you juiced him
with -- jPad here
can track it once you're
within a couple of clicks.
There's an app for that.
You mean a trap
for that!
- MANHOWERS: Say again?
- DOC: What?
Venturestein
is luring us there!
He wants to meet his maker
face-to-face so he can kill you.
Hank, don't be
paranoid.
Venturestein and I got along
famously.
That's exactly why we think
he'll let you in close.
I'm just saying.
If we get there and he's in
a pair of bicycle shorts
talking about
"Tears in the Rain,"
you run like hell
because he is there
to smush your head!
MANHOWERS:
Ah, you ain't gotta worry
about him going
all "Roy Batty" on you.
If you can't talk him down,
all you gotta do
is click that little icon
that looks like a cherry bomb.
- Then what?
- Then you run like hell.
'Cause that jPad
you're holding comes
fat-packed
with factory-installed C-4.
W-Wait!
You want me to kill him?
No, he was already dead
once, man!
Where's your moral dilemma?
No, it's not that!
It's just you, uh...
haven't mentioned
the little matter of my...
compensation.
Oh, right. Right.
Let me see here...
I'm already out of pocket here
on supersonic jet fuel --
How's this for
out of pocket, huh?
'Cause that's exactly what you
gave your Uncle Sam
when you sold him a bushel
of dead lemons!
Now fix it!
MAN ON RADIO:
Attention, unidentified aircraft.
You are entering
controlled airspace.
Turn back now.
- Uh, hello?
This is
Dr. Thaddeus S. Venture.
To whom am I speaking?
- HATRED: We got incoming.
- I'm out of here.
- What the heck?
Too big to be a missile,
too slow to be a jet.
What could --
[metal scraping ]
[ Screeches ]
- We lost cabin pressure!
- Really?
That's what concerns you.
- HANK: Go time!
All right, do not deploy 'til
you're below 500 feet
so the enemy won't spot
your chutes.
If we lose each other
in the shit,
regroup at rendezvous point
at 2400 hours!
Rende--
Hank, wait!
- Please be prompt!
- That's not a...
[Whimpers]
This is not a parachute!
Good gravy. That boy is
gonna get himself killed!
Yeah, like
We're doing great.
[ Pteranodon screeches ]
Can't... shake him!
Get off, you damn pest!
Yeah, I think Hank might have
had the right idea.
Hang on!
[ Screeches ]
Oh, this is much
better.
At least I got
a clear shot now.
Don't!
[ Screeches ]
Aah!
Aah!
Uh...
ah!
Uh-huh.
Aah!
[grunting ]
[doorbell rings]
Well, hi, there, Mister,
uh, Venture.
My name is Marsha Backwood,
and I am running for
re-election
to the United States Congress.
Uh, 'Kay.
Oh, pardon me.
Buenos dies.
Donde estas Senor Ventura?
Puerta Bahia.
Uh, I'm sorry.
That's all the Spanish I know.
No, he went
to Puerto Bahia.
Oh!
Well, do you know
when he'll be back?
Return-o a casa?
[ sighs ]
No!
The army dragged him away
for something.
Now, buenas tardes.
I'm busy here!
Get me General Manhowers.
And find out
if that gardener's legal.
[sighs]
Okay, H.E.L.P.Er.,
I'm just gonna
switch you off first while --
[ panicked beeping ]
Aah! No! Easy, boy!
It's okay!
I promise it won't hurt!
H.E.L.P.Er.!
Wait!
I can make it all better!
[beep]
Well, H.E.L.P.Er. should
be here any minute,
assuming he survived
the crash.
Survived the -- you know
we didn't bring H.E.L.P.Er.
With us, right?
Ri-i-g-ht.
Uhh, any luck getting Hank?
Dead.
His watch, I mean.
Static.
I'm getting a lot of --
Nobody's dead,
just put that --
Yeah, all right,
all right.
Well, let's just wait here
'til he shows up then.
Without that jPad,
I don't have a clue
where we're going anyway.
Dr. Venture? Dr. Venture!
Come on, now, pick up.
Aw, I got nothing
but sky here.
What in blazes?
Ugh, I'm gonna throw up!
You!
DOC:
Ugh, god, I hate the jungle.
It's hot. It's damp.
Everything's alive.
Here, look at this.
See this stick?
No, you don't.
'Cause guess what --
it's a bug.
It's a stick bug.
Ugh! Disgusting.
And that's not all!
Shh! You hear something?
I hear you
changing my subject.
[footsteps approaching ]
Someone's coming. Get down!
DOC:
Ugh, urine everywhere!
HATRED:
Shh!
[ Sniffing ]
[ Snorting ]
What the hell
are those things?
They weren't in the briefing.
- You didn't make them?
- No!
Oh, crap, he heard you.
He's looking right at us.
- What do we do?
- We make a break for it.
I'll divert them,
you run west.
Ready?
Now!
Hey, pretty boy!
Jocelyn Wildenstein called!
She wants her face back!
[ Hisses ]
[snarls, growls]
Oh, my god!
This was a bad idea!
Cheetah-man is crazy-fast!
I do not know
what I was thinking!
Climb up a tree!
Cheetahs can't climb!
They don't have
retractable claws!
Neither do I!
Oh, l am being disemboweled!
For the love of God, shake
a bag of pounce at him!
[ growls ]
Aah!
HANK:
[groaning ]
Hank's war journal,
entry number one.
I don't know
how long I was out.
The rumble in my tummy
tells me
it's been at least
four hours.
[beep]
Hank's war journal,
entry number two.
My team failed to rendezvous,
and they're not answering
their watches.
I am on my own,
stranded behind enemy lines.
I'll need my strength to
set up base camp.
Thankfully, mother nature
provides for her children.
Hmm.
[snoring ]
[Squeaking ]
Huh?
Father!
[ Panicked beeping ]
[grunting ]
[strained ]
Hank was right!
Venturestein terribly sorry.
N-Not mean do that.
Uh, old habit.
Wow. Your diction's
really come a long way
since I last saw you.
Good Venturestein.
Yes, army teach Venturestein
make more good diction.
Yeah, syntax --
not so much.
Army also teach Venturestein salute.
Teach make bed.
Teach kill.
Sounds like the army had
a real positive
influence on your life.
Why don't we just
take you back --
No!
Venturestein never go back!
Army make Venturestein
come here,
infiltrate revolution peoples.
Orders make self-terminate
when discover.
Several Stein obey.
That when Venturestein
see him.
He older, but Venturestein
still recognize --
is Jorgé,
little shoe boy
from Father teach films!
He not know Venturestein,
of course.
But after he stop scream,
we make good talk.
Jorgé open Venturestein eyes
to exploitation of proletariat.
Change Venturestein whole outlook.
That when Venturestein decide
quit army,
go to jungle.
So, you fell in
with a bad crowd.
You're feeling rebellious --
that's adolescence!
Listen to your father, here.
My Dean is going
through the same thing.
Let go of me!
Let go, you undead bastards!
I demand to be heard!
Is okay.
State grievance, comrade.
Why haven't you slain
this scientist yet?
Karl, we discuss.
Need Father to --
He killed Turu!
We found her body
next to his plane.
He deserves to die!
Him and his chubby
girlfriend.
Is true?
That's -- he's not my
girlfriend, he's my bodyguard.
Turu part!
Urn, is Turu
a pterodactyl?
Pteranodon, you monster!
See?
He not even good at science.
Father bring no pain
to Karl.
Karl go outside, maybe.
Cool off.
[ Hisses]
I'll walk myself out!
[ Urinating ]
[zips]
Karl mark his territory.
Send Venturestein
not subtle message.
[ Clears throat]
Friend of yours?
Karl sometimes hothead.
Karl not have good father
like -- like Venturestein!
Venturestein find Karl father
lab few click from here.
Experiment on Karl
with bad hurt-science.
Venturestein liberate.
[gunfire]
Venturestein learn
jungle very popular
with bad scientist.
Secret science hurt-camp
everywhere!
Liberate all!
New friends join Venturestein.
Become new army.
Come here, all together!
Make home.
That why Venturestein
need Father.
Father tell other scientists
no more hurt-science!
Tell them free Venturestein
brother and sister.
Look, I know you
think your father is Superman
and I can do anything,
but I'm gonna level
with you here --
I don't have a whole lot
of sway
in the science scene
these days.
What this? Father make army box
blow up Venturestein?
No! No! I-l was --
Please be careful with that!
Father bad!
Sonnystein! Tedstein!
Take Father!
Father not help
Venturestein.
Venturestein help himself.
Wait!
Army box make internet?
Hank's War Journal,
star date 2112.
Sleep would not come to me.
The jungle would not allow it.
She has clutched me to her
bountiful bosom
and nourished me,
which is kind of nice 'cause
I never had a mommy.
But she demands a sacrifice
in return.
[ groans, vomits ]
I've vomited
and diarrheaed out
whatever was left
of my old life.
My Hank's run dry.
I'm but an empty vessel,
waiting for the jungle
to fill me with new purpose.
[thunder crashes]
Only through her
will I be reborn.
But, pray tell,
what new Hank will emerge
from her hot, green
womb?
Huh?
[gasps]
Yes, mother.
I shall become...
a bat.
[groans]
[farts]
Oh!
[ door opens ]
I’m sorry sir, I-l tried
to stop her, but --
General Manhowers, did you
abduct one of my constituents?
Need I remind you
that we have
a constitution in this country,
sir --
And this is
an election year.
Now, don't get your tea cozy
in a bunch,
little miss sunshine.
Dr. Venture volunteered
to consult
on a matter of national --
[jPad dings]
Why, this is him right now.
- Hello. I Venturestein.
- W-What's he...
Nah, nah, nah.
This ain't right!
I speak now to brother
and sister comrade
still in bondage
with message of hope.
U.R.G.H.!!
We United Repressed Grotesque
Humanity!
We here help all who suffer
from scientist everywhere!
You who made in laboratory,
and in toxic swamp.
You vivisected angel
who suffer in silence.
[dog whimpers]
Venturestein feel your pain!
Break free!
Children of the atom,
break free from scientist shackle!
U.R.G.H., welcome you
with open arms!
Come -- come to land where
you accepted.
Eh, this is
going great, huh?
Remind me never to take
government work again.
They called us "abomination,"
but together we build
abomi-nation!
U.R.G.H.!
Holy crap!
He ain't just gone off
the reservation --
he's opening
his own damn casino!
Where'd she go?
[ Beeping ]
[groans]
[panting]
[thunder crashes]
You who made in laboratory
and in toxic swamp.
You vivisected angel
who suffer in silence.
[groaning]
Aah!
[panting]
Venturestein
feel your pain!
Break free!
No!
- [farts]
- What's going on over there?
Nothing!
The bed creaked.
KARL:
Venturestein!
Venturestein!
Come out here!
Zoink! ls angry mob!
They have torches?
KARL:
Give us the scientist!
He is of no more use to you.
We demand justice for Turu!
Yeah, we executed
all our science guys.
[snorts]
Why is yours so special?
Please, comrades.
Time for bloodshed over.
We dawn of new era.
Soon, new brothers and sisters come.
How do you know
that they'll come?
And where do you expect
to put them all?
Seriously, have you thought
this through at all?
Our capacity to absorb
an influx of immigrants?
We have zero infrastructure!
Please, comrades.
We need a real leader
who is not afraid to fight!
Who is with me?
Look, these are all
important issues,
but what I want to know is --
what are you gonna do
about The Bat?
You guys haven't heard
about this?
Like a massive bat creature.
He's been terrorizing us
out on patrol.
Wait.
We don't have a bat guy?
- Bat guy?
- No.
BOTH:
Hank.
Then we will hunt this bat!
And we will kill The Bat!
And when we have done this,
we are coming back for them!
ALL:
Yeah!
[indistinct shouting]
MAN:
He was so fast.
Maybe even faster than you,
Karl.
I heard he's invisible.
I heard he can walk
through walls!
He's just a man.
[ Sniffs ]
A boy-
[ sniffs ]
A boy with a tummyache.
Aah!
[indistinct shouting]
Ah! Damn it!
[deep voice]
Have no fear, General.
Huh?
The mission is
in my hands now.
- Who the hell is this now?
- A friend.
Huh?
ls that the Venture boy?
You look affright, son.
You need to have yourself
a lie-down.
[ growls ]
Go.
Thank you,
Venturestein.
Batman!
BOTH:
Hank!
Hank's gone.
Call me... The Bat.
I'll call you a cab.
I think you've had one too many.
Ah, leave me.
Save yourselves.
Oh, stop with the drama.
You're not hurt that bad.
No, really.
Leave me. I want to stay.
All right, what'd you drink?
You're talking as crazy as Hank now.
Crazy is spending
your whole life
trying to be something
you're not.
I'm a freak, Doc.
A-A monster.
I can't hack it
in the straight world.
I-I want to spend
my autumn years
in a place
where I'll be accepted,
with a vaguely
paramilitary vibe
and absolutely
no children whatsoever.
KARL:
There they are! Slaughter them!
Let's get the fuck
out of here!
To the Hankmobile!
[ Gunfire,
indistinct shouting]
[engine sputters]
Head for the beach.
[ Beeping ]
All right, now what?
Tell me you've
got a Hank-boat.
Wait for it!
In 5... 4...
3...
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
The jungle's no place
for a jPad.
They get wet, the warranty
is voided -- awful.
[sighs] I got
nothing left, Pop.
I'm getting drowsy.
Whoo.
Shouldn't have had that
big crab dinner
before the mission.
No, look, l-l'm not like
the other scientists, okay?
You wanna know what Venturestein
was doing before this?
He was dead!
And before that,
he was a henchman
for some prick
in a butterfly costume.
Two, actually.
I saved him!
I gave him life!
[all whimpering]
[ Beeping excitedly]
H.E.L.P.Er.!
Thank heaven!
Kill these guys!
[ Gun cocks ]
Wait! Look!
On the horizon!
VENTURESTEIN:
You see, comrades?
Is glorious new dawn
Venturestein promise.
Abomi-nation all come --
by sea and by air!
Excuse me!
Pardon-a me!
That man you're holding
is a citizen of
the United States!
I am Congresswoman
Marsha Backwood,
and I am here
to negotiate h--
Oh, did somebody lose
an iPad?
[ All scream ]
Yeah, I can fix this.
[ Up-tempo music plays]
And fresh from her recent
fact-finding mission,
here to give us her unique
perspective
on this Puerto Bahia situation
is Congresswoman
Marsha Backwood.
[applause]
Thank you,
Mr. Secretary-General.
I here today tell all --
Abomi-nation proud,
hearty people.
Boys? Come on down.
It's on.
DOC:
Dean?
Hank?
[upbeat music plays]
BOTH:
♫ Ooooh ♫
Hold on, stop! Stop! Stop!
What the "F"?
H.E.L.P.Er. sounds like
crap now.
I know, right?
Man, friggin' Dean.