The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries (1995–2001): Season 1, Episode 8 - A Ticket to Crime - full transcript
Granny wins a trip to England, where she learns all the other great detectives in the world have won the same prize!
[instrumental music]
(Sylvester)
Here we are
on our way to Scotland
known for its fertile land,
hearty livestock
and somewhat thrifty citizens.
Oh, yeah, they also like to eat
mushed up sheep guts. Ew.
♪ O I'll take the high road
and you take the low road ♪
♪ And I'll be
in Scotland afore ye ♪
"Dear cousin..
"...our beloved town
of Fergussie
"has befallen
a terrible tragedy.
"We have been robbed
of our plaid.
"There's nary
an argyle sock to be found.
"Please come to Scotland
immediately and help us.
"Signed, your fourth cousin
twice removed
Angus MacRorrrrrrrry
with eight R's."
[dinging]
Ready, boys?
[whimpering]
Aah!
MacGeronimo!
(Tweety)
Mick Jagger!
[Hector howling]
[whimpering]
Out with you now, you vagabond.
You belong with Granny.
[screaming]
[theme song]
♪ Whenever there's
a crime or trouble ♪
♪ That no one can solve
at all it seems ♪
♪ That's when they come
and on the double ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪
♪ It might be day
or night whenever ♪
♪ Conditions are right
for them to flee ♪
♪ Somehow it all still
fits together ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪
♪ If there's a full moon ♪
♪ An old house
with rotten stairs ♪
♪ Just look around you ♪
♪ Chances are we'll be there ♪
♪ Some day I'll eat
that darn canary ♪
♪ And then I'll be happy
yes sirree ♪
♪ But Hector thinks
you should be wary ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪
♪ The chase goes on
with each new mission ♪
♪ With backdrops
a-plenty globally ♪
♪ And through it all
they're in contention ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪♪
[instrumental music]
(Angus)
'I'm calling to order
this emergency meeting'
'of those who are
Mighty Indignant'
at Fabric Filchers
of Extraordinary Deviance.
That's right,
we're M.I.F.F.E.D.!
[indistinct chattering]
As you know, we've got no plaid.
Without our plaid,
we have no kilts.
And without our kilts,
how can we play
in the St. Andrea's golf
tournament tomorrow?
I just cannot do it, captain.
I don't have the power.
[instrumental music]
Next time,
I pack your parachute.
He-he-he.
Uh, pardon me.
Could you tell me where
I might find Angus MacRorry?
Yeah, ma'am!
He's in the back room!
Uh, excuse me. Up here.
I'm Angus's fourth cousin
twice removed, Granny.
A real pleasure.
I'm Myopia.
Follow me.
They're discussing what to do
about that missing plaid.
But if you ask me, it's an
awfully silly meeting to have.
Now, just because we have
no skirts, are we not men?
Aye. What to do?
Ooh, this is
a woodpecker's paradise.
Men, our government-sanctioned
moments of silence
have been answered.
Meet my fourth cousin
twice removed, Granny.
Angus, I got here
as soon as I could.
Will you help us?
A good tailor might
be more of a help just now
but I'll do what I can.
(all)
Hip, hip, hooray!
[popping]
If it's a peep show
you're expecting
that'll be two bob.
(Sylvester)
Yes, it was a tad sad to see
all the lads
clad without plaid.
[grunting]
[yawning]
[gasps]
[whimpers]
Yike!
[whimpering]
[ringing]
Reservations?
Yes, quite a few.
Could I have your name?
[chuckles]
You could,
but it'd be quite a coincidence.
My, what an interesting
coat of arms.
Why, thank you.
It came with
a matching pair of pants.
Ah, very good. Granny.
[rings]
[all gasp]
(Sylvester)
'Oh. A giant hairball
with eyes.'
[growling]
[whimpering]
(Sylvester)
We got no plaid
but we're about to get kilt.
[growls]
[all gasp]
Whoa, whoa!
Gossamer here will gladly
help you
with your luggage.
[instrumental music]
Hmm?
[grunts]
[grunting]
Oh! Ahh.
[grumbling]
Blasted game!
Why, cousin, I thought golf
was a game of relaxation.
I am relaxed!
[grunting]
[groaning]
Need help! Oooh! Aah! Ow!
Oh-ho! Ouch! Aah!
Oww!
Why, Angus, are you alright?
Oh, Granny, I just got word
that me partner, Haggis MacRorry
has got himself a wee bit
of the sniffles
and won't be playing
with me tomorrow.
Oh, nothing serious, I hope.
It was his drafty barrel
with the knotholes.
We tried to plug it up,
but I'm afraid it was too late.
Well, I'm no Jack Nicholson
but I could swing
pretty good in my day.
You? My golfing partner?
[laughing]
Well, I'll admit
I might be a tad rusty.
I guess you're right, cousin.
With the tournament tomorrow
I suppose I'll have to make do.
Now, the first thing you want
to do is address the ball.
Hello, ball.
It's going to be a long day.
swish swish swish
[sighs]
Huh? Uh? Uh?
[sighs]
Hit me.
[Angus yawns]
Now, for the millionth time,
Granny
your head down
and your arms straight.
Three!
I hit it.
Aye, you did.
Perhaps you could be
my partner after all.
Well, fire up another one.
I'm on a roll.
Ooh!
But, cousin,
that was my only ball.
Been in the family
for generations.
We've got to find it.
Hector.
'Come here, boy.'
Fetch the ball, Hector.
Aye.
Good boy, Hector.
Big deal.
A boomerang that drools.
Say, cousin, would you mind
if I enlisted your pooch here
as my caddy in tomorrow's game?
He's a fine retriever, he is.
Would you like that, Hector?
[muttering]
[snoring]
Oh, Heathcliff. Ha-ha-ha!
[both snoring]
[chirping]
[Bagpipes music at distance]
I think it's time for me
to bag those pipes.
Mm. Time for
a post-midnight snack.
[bagpipe music continues]
Hah! Ah!
biff
[groans]
Shh!
[bagpipe music continues]
(Tweety)
'This looks like some
fancy washing machine.'
[crackling]
[instrumental music]
[crackling]
'I bet this is leading up
to something.'
Ooh, puddy,
will you look at all that plaid?
[man laughing]
I've done it.
I've done it.
I've reduced the entire
MacRorry clan tartan
into one single drop.
'Gossamer, turn off
that blasted bagpipe music.'
Now, be a good assistant
and bring me
the concentrated liquid plaid.
'Be very careful, Gossamer.
It's highly volatile.'
[whimpering]
[sighs]
[humming]
[grunting]
No! Aah! Aaah! Aaah!
[grunting]
[sighs]
No one will ever
look for it here.
Come, Gossamer.
I'll treat you to some warm milk
and graham haggis.
[chuckling]
Puddy, we gotta get that
ball
and bring it to Granny.
What's this "We" stuff?
You want it, you get it.
I'm sure Granny would
love to see this.
[gasps]
Why, you little yellow
blackmailer.
Ain't I a stinker?
[snoring]
My fellow Scots,
our big day is upon us.
And though we have been faced
with great adversity
it's time to step up
and meet the challenge
in the grand
MacRorry tradition.
Are you ready, men?
It's a crying shame.
Did he say, "Crying Game?"
[instrumental music]
[men laughing]
Ooh, where is she?
[grunting]
Come on,
the tournament's starting.
I can hardly MacWait.
(Angus)
'Hoot, mon!'
Ahh.
Ahh.
If we can conquer
the little Loch Mess
the trophy will be ours.
Ooh!
[screeching]
[whimpers]
Hmm.
Ahh.
- Thanks.
- Rahh.
[gasps]
Psst, puddy, do you have
that golf ball?
What do you think, pip-squeak?
I slipped it in my pocket
right here.
[gasps]
It's-it's the ball.
Uh-huh?
[Hector chuckles]
Ha!
Aah!
Look.
Uh-oh.
Cousin, if you can't control
your animals,
you're going to have
to leave the course.
What's this black speck?
"Concentrated plaid?" Aha!
The creepy desk clerk
is behind that missing plaid.
[sobbing]
I was blinded by her beauty.
It happens.
Myopia?
It was the plaid that caused
your nearsightedness, wasn't it?
Why, you're a regular
Matlock Holmes.
You know, I came into this world
with perfect
20-20 vision
only to have my sight assaulted
every day with plaid.
It was just too much
for me to take.
Take them away, officers.
Angus, no!
[gasps]
Duck and cover, folks.
Yipe!
[explosion]
The missing MacRorry tartan.
[instrumental music]
Ach!
It's lovely.
♪ On the bonnie bonnie banks
of Loch Lomond ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
(Sylvester)
Here we are
on our way to Scotland
known for its fertile land,
hearty livestock
and somewhat thrifty citizens.
Oh, yeah, they also like to eat
mushed up sheep guts. Ew.
♪ O I'll take the high road
and you take the low road ♪
♪ And I'll be
in Scotland afore ye ♪
"Dear cousin..
"...our beloved town
of Fergussie
"has befallen
a terrible tragedy.
"We have been robbed
of our plaid.
"There's nary
an argyle sock to be found.
"Please come to Scotland
immediately and help us.
"Signed, your fourth cousin
twice removed
Angus MacRorrrrrrrry
with eight R's."
[dinging]
Ready, boys?
[whimpering]
Aah!
MacGeronimo!
(Tweety)
Mick Jagger!
[Hector howling]
[whimpering]
Out with you now, you vagabond.
You belong with Granny.
[screaming]
[theme song]
♪ Whenever there's
a crime or trouble ♪
♪ That no one can solve
at all it seems ♪
♪ That's when they come
and on the double ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪
♪ It might be day
or night whenever ♪
♪ Conditions are right
for them to flee ♪
♪ Somehow it all still
fits together ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪
♪ If there's a full moon ♪
♪ An old house
with rotten stairs ♪
♪ Just look around you ♪
♪ Chances are we'll be there ♪
♪ Some day I'll eat
that darn canary ♪
♪ And then I'll be happy
yes sirree ♪
♪ But Hector thinks
you should be wary ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪
♪ The chase goes on
with each new mission ♪
♪ With backdrops
a-plenty globally ♪
♪ And through it all
they're in contention ♪
♪ Sylvester And Tweety
Mysteries ♪♪
[instrumental music]
(Angus)
'I'm calling to order
this emergency meeting'
'of those who are
Mighty Indignant'
at Fabric Filchers
of Extraordinary Deviance.
That's right,
we're M.I.F.F.E.D.!
[indistinct chattering]
As you know, we've got no plaid.
Without our plaid,
we have no kilts.
And without our kilts,
how can we play
in the St. Andrea's golf
tournament tomorrow?
I just cannot do it, captain.
I don't have the power.
[instrumental music]
Next time,
I pack your parachute.
He-he-he.
Uh, pardon me.
Could you tell me where
I might find Angus MacRorry?
Yeah, ma'am!
He's in the back room!
Uh, excuse me. Up here.
I'm Angus's fourth cousin
twice removed, Granny.
A real pleasure.
I'm Myopia.
Follow me.
They're discussing what to do
about that missing plaid.
But if you ask me, it's an
awfully silly meeting to have.
Now, just because we have
no skirts, are we not men?
Aye. What to do?
Ooh, this is
a woodpecker's paradise.
Men, our government-sanctioned
moments of silence
have been answered.
Meet my fourth cousin
twice removed, Granny.
Angus, I got here
as soon as I could.
Will you help us?
A good tailor might
be more of a help just now
but I'll do what I can.
(all)
Hip, hip, hooray!
[popping]
If it's a peep show
you're expecting
that'll be two bob.
(Sylvester)
Yes, it was a tad sad to see
all the lads
clad without plaid.
[grunting]
[yawning]
[gasps]
[whimpers]
Yike!
[whimpering]
[ringing]
Reservations?
Yes, quite a few.
Could I have your name?
[chuckles]
You could,
but it'd be quite a coincidence.
My, what an interesting
coat of arms.
Why, thank you.
It came with
a matching pair of pants.
Ah, very good. Granny.
[rings]
[all gasp]
(Sylvester)
'Oh. A giant hairball
with eyes.'
[growling]
[whimpering]
(Sylvester)
We got no plaid
but we're about to get kilt.
[growls]
[all gasp]
Whoa, whoa!
Gossamer here will gladly
help you
with your luggage.
[instrumental music]
Hmm?
[grunts]
[grunting]
Oh! Ahh.
[grumbling]
Blasted game!
Why, cousin, I thought golf
was a game of relaxation.
I am relaxed!
[grunting]
[groaning]
Need help! Oooh! Aah! Ow!
Oh-ho! Ouch! Aah!
Oww!
Why, Angus, are you alright?
Oh, Granny, I just got word
that me partner, Haggis MacRorry
has got himself a wee bit
of the sniffles
and won't be playing
with me tomorrow.
Oh, nothing serious, I hope.
It was his drafty barrel
with the knotholes.
We tried to plug it up,
but I'm afraid it was too late.
Well, I'm no Jack Nicholson
but I could swing
pretty good in my day.
You? My golfing partner?
[laughing]
Well, I'll admit
I might be a tad rusty.
I guess you're right, cousin.
With the tournament tomorrow
I suppose I'll have to make do.
Now, the first thing you want
to do is address the ball.
Hello, ball.
It's going to be a long day.
swish swish swish
[sighs]
Huh? Uh? Uh?
[sighs]
Hit me.
[Angus yawns]
Now, for the millionth time,
Granny
your head down
and your arms straight.
Three!
I hit it.
Aye, you did.
Perhaps you could be
my partner after all.
Well, fire up another one.
I'm on a roll.
Ooh!
But, cousin,
that was my only ball.
Been in the family
for generations.
We've got to find it.
Hector.
'Come here, boy.'
Fetch the ball, Hector.
Aye.
Good boy, Hector.
Big deal.
A boomerang that drools.
Say, cousin, would you mind
if I enlisted your pooch here
as my caddy in tomorrow's game?
He's a fine retriever, he is.
Would you like that, Hector?
[muttering]
[snoring]
Oh, Heathcliff. Ha-ha-ha!
[both snoring]
[chirping]
[Bagpipes music at distance]
I think it's time for me
to bag those pipes.
Mm. Time for
a post-midnight snack.
[bagpipe music continues]
Hah! Ah!
biff
[groans]
Shh!
[bagpipe music continues]
(Tweety)
'This looks like some
fancy washing machine.'
[crackling]
[instrumental music]
[crackling]
'I bet this is leading up
to something.'
Ooh, puddy,
will you look at all that plaid?
[man laughing]
I've done it.
I've done it.
I've reduced the entire
MacRorry clan tartan
into one single drop.
'Gossamer, turn off
that blasted bagpipe music.'
Now, be a good assistant
and bring me
the concentrated liquid plaid.
'Be very careful, Gossamer.
It's highly volatile.'
[whimpering]
[sighs]
[humming]
[grunting]
No! Aah! Aaah! Aaah!
[grunting]
[sighs]
No one will ever
look for it here.
Come, Gossamer.
I'll treat you to some warm milk
and graham haggis.
[chuckling]
Puddy, we gotta get that
ball
and bring it to Granny.
What's this "We" stuff?
You want it, you get it.
I'm sure Granny would
love to see this.
[gasps]
Why, you little yellow
blackmailer.
Ain't I a stinker?
[snoring]
My fellow Scots,
our big day is upon us.
And though we have been faced
with great adversity
it's time to step up
and meet the challenge
in the grand
MacRorry tradition.
Are you ready, men?
It's a crying shame.
Did he say, "Crying Game?"
[instrumental music]
[men laughing]
Ooh, where is she?
[grunting]
Come on,
the tournament's starting.
I can hardly MacWait.
(Angus)
'Hoot, mon!'
Ahh.
Ahh.
If we can conquer
the little Loch Mess
the trophy will be ours.
Ooh!
[screeching]
[whimpers]
Hmm.
Ahh.
- Thanks.
- Rahh.
[gasps]
Psst, puddy, do you have
that golf ball?
What do you think, pip-squeak?
I slipped it in my pocket
right here.
[gasps]
It's-it's the ball.
Uh-huh?
[Hector chuckles]
Ha!
Aah!
Look.
Uh-oh.
Cousin, if you can't control
your animals,
you're going to have
to leave the course.
What's this black speck?
"Concentrated plaid?" Aha!
The creepy desk clerk
is behind that missing plaid.
[sobbing]
I was blinded by her beauty.
It happens.
Myopia?
It was the plaid that caused
your nearsightedness, wasn't it?
Why, you're a regular
Matlock Holmes.
You know, I came into this world
with perfect
20-20 vision
only to have my sight assaulted
every day with plaid.
It was just too much
for me to take.
Take them away, officers.
Angus, no!
[gasps]
Duck and cover, folks.
Yipe!
[explosion]
The missing MacRorry tartan.
[instrumental music]
Ach!
It's lovely.
♪ On the bonnie bonnie banks
of Loch Lomond ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[theme music]