The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries (1995–2001): Season 1, Episode 6 - B2 or Not B2 - full transcript

A luxury cruise.

Nothing to do but lie
in the sun and eat.

Sounds tailor-made for a pussycat.

I'm dyin'. I'm dyin'!

Trudy, are you alright?

Oh, Groundhog, it's awful, awful.

One minute before we sail

and guest lecturer Regis
Philcan cancels on us.

Who can I get on such short notice?

Ooh, this guy is the king
of the lecture circuit.

Yes, this is Speaker
Salamander Getrich.



You want me to lecture
in less than an hour?

Sorry, I gotta go cut the
ribbon on a new orphanage.

Hey, listen, you might
give my mom a call.

Huh? This is will be my last cruise.

I've blown it. I'm dyin' again!

Senior Time's Person of the Year

is a detective who solves
crimes with her pets?

- That's it. What's her name?
- Granny.

So, um, where were we?

Ahh, yes, at sea.

'Hot diggity, I haven't
had this much fun'

since my surfing days at Pismo Beach.

Bombs away.

Splash



Ooh. Good one, Granny.

Mm, something's cooking.

Crash

Well, boys, detective work

certainly has its perks.

A free cruise for one little lecture.

'Attention PU Two-ers'

'the giant mega-prize-winning
bingo tournament'

'continues on the marked deck.'

'And today's lecture'

'How to Solve a Mystery in 18 Minutes'

'begins shortly on the shuffle deck.'

'Be there or be clueless.'

'Get it? I kill myself.'

Egads, I'm going to be
late for my own lecture.

And in conclusion, I'd
just like to emphasize

that a keen eye is the best tool

in mystery-solving.

Tomorrow's topic

Magnifying Glasses and How
to Keep Them Spotless.

That was just great, Granny.
Very inspiring.

Uh, yes, well, I guess
everyone opted for bingo.

I'm afraid one of our bingo
players, Oscar Orwell

had a mishap involving an anvil.

And he was doing so well.

Oh, my. Is it serious?

He's fine. Except for a
doozy of a headache.

But now we do have an opening.

I can get you in the
tournament if you hurry.

They don't call me Speedy for nothing.

Arriba! Arriba!

Oh! Sorry, Granny.

Hope you're alright.

Shecky White, ship's announcer.

You know, if I can bring a little smile

to even one passenger's
face it's worthwhile.

Uh, yeah. Gotta go!

Uh, there's a bingo card
with my name on it.

B-14.

G-47.

Pardon me. Name's Granny.
Did I miss anything?

Uh, Beulah Blalock.

B-14 and G-47.

Uh, pardon me, hon, but you're
sittin' in Oscar's spot.

Mr. Orwell?

Oh, apparently, he was
conked on the head

by a falling anvil.

Isn't that strange?

I-23.

Did you know him well?

Well enough to know that
he wasn't acquainted

with the finer points of bingo.

Unlike yours truly, if
you know what I mean.

O-62.

'Oh, flibbertigibbet.'

I can hardly keep up
with these numbers.

Well, it's an acquired skill.

Say, darling, why don't you
just come by my cabin later

and I'll give you some pointers.

- It's cabin number...
- N-36.

N-36. Got it.

Oh, bingo!

Oh, these blasted bifocals.

Time for some shuffle bird.

Gulp

thud

Good thing pussy got his minimum
daily iron requirement.

Oh, Granny, glad you could.. No!

'First, Mr. Orwell
gets hit by an anvil'

and now I find Miss Blalock
passed out in a pool of water.

Oh, I'm dyin' again!

Just five more minutes, momma.

My, Trudy, what happened?

I'm afraid there has
been another accident.

These things sometimes
happen on a cruise ship.

Hm.. This was no boating accident.

Now, you all kiss and make up.

Huh?

Hm..

My, where did all this water come from?

Huh?

Usually, when he drinks water

he has to worry about the
seat falling on his head.

Seltzer?

Hm..

'Captain, Granny feels
that the two accidents'

which befell Mr. Orwell and Miss
Blalock were not accidents.

That's right, captain.

Someone onboard is
behind these incidents.

It's sounds like an obvious case

'of Klingon interference.'

Red alert. The ship is under attack.

Man all defensive stations.

Shields up full. Warp speed, Mr.
Chekov.

Scotty, full power.

Brace for impact.

I think that went well.

I think I'll head down
to the bingo tournament.

Maybe I can gather some clues there.

Hm, what's Granny reading?

The breakfast menu.

Meow

There's no place on this ship
you can run, I can't follow.

Mm-mm-mm-mm!

Unless you've got wings.

Aha!

Uh-oh.

Silly pussycat, flying is for birds.

P-p-pussycat overboard.

Clang

clang

'Stop. I promise, I'll never put..
Oof!'

'...doggy laxative in your food again.'

clang

I'm getting too old for this.

Oh, boy!

Aw, the poor pussy is all winded.

'N-44.'

My, you two sure know your bingo.

Heh, look at all those chips.

That's right, ma'am.
Biggest winners tonight.

'I-16.'

Name's Canasta. Nasty Canasta.

This here is my darling bride, Inga.

'B-12.'

I'm Granny. Nice to meet you.

Say, you two haven't
had any near mishaps

while onboard, have you?

No. What a strange question.

'O-71.'

Well, it's just that some
of our fellow passengers

have been involved in some
rather odd accidents.

Accidents?

Now, now, don't you worry,
my little bingo chip.

Your Nasty won't let
anything happen to you.

'G-53.'

Bingo!

Well, that's enough for me.

Honey poopsikins, I'm
gonna cash my chips in

and go back to the room to freshen up.

Ain't she the sweetest little thing?

Crash

That poor Inga Canasta
knocked into next week

by an errant boxing glove.

What do you suppose the chances

of that happening to someone are?

Fifty-fifty?

Oh, my. There's that nice Mr.
Canasta now.

Yoo-hoo! Mr. Canasta.

Whoa!

My, how rude.

Splash

He didn't even stop to say hello.

What a strange time for a swim.

Look how nice he plays
with all those sharks.

Now, to solve this mystery

I must find the common link
between these victims.

Hm.. Beulah, Inga, Nasty and Oscar.

What do they all have in common?

They all got headaches this big?

'Ahoy, mateys.'

'I'm Shecky White and you're not.'

'Stop me, I'm hot now.

'It's time to announce the big winners'

'in the bingo tournament so far.'

'Beulah Blalock, Inga Canasta'

'Nasty Canasta, Oscar Orwell'

'and Granny.'

Hm.. Let's see.

'They were all paying passengers.'

'They all loved bingo.'

And they all had tattoos of Tom Jones.

Or was that just me?

"Dwanny"? Now, who's Dwanny?

Granny.

Oh, I'm next.

Bingo.

You've got to help me.

I figured that I'm the
one who gets it next

from the bingo basher.

Oh, he's very clever, this basher.

Knocking out everyone who's a
bingo threat in the tournament.

Naturally, being the
crackerjack player that I am

he's after me.

Do you hear what I'm saying?

You see, Granny begins with a G

and there's a G in bingo.

Just like there's a, a B and an I

and an N and an O.

Well, are you going to help me or not?

Well, Granny

I'm sure I can help you.

Doc, get in here. Quick!

You don't say. That time already?

Uh-oh. Here we go again.

Now, this won't hurt a bit.

I hope I'm not going to be
charged for that drink.

Oh, what to do? What to do?

Ha!

Uh-oh.

Boom

That's it.

'N-33.'

'I-24.'

Oh, well.

I guess I'll be heading
back to my room now.

Crash

Ha! Fell for the old switcheroo.

Shecky White? Why?

Do you know what it's like

playing to a packed house every day

never hearing applause?

I give 150 percent

and I'm taken 150 percent for granted.

You knocked out the top bingo players

so that you could move up in the ranks

and win the tournament?

I wanted the prize money
to realize my dream

to follow in my parents'

big floppy footsteps

and attend clown school.

Aw, the tears of a clown.

Aren't cruises relaxing?

Oh, Granny, how can we ever repay you?

Uh, with another free cruise?

Good one, Granny.

Ha!

Splash

What do you know?

The pussycat's been shuffled overboard.