The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 6, Episode 8 - Johnny Cakes - full transcript

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

- (BOTH GRUNTING)
- Are you all right?

Yeah!

Keep going!

(THUDS)

(BOTH PANTING)

Are you sure
you're all right?

The incision?

(LAUGHS)

You're listening
to the stations

of member-supported
New Hampshire Public Radio.

We're WEBO, Concord 89.1;

WEBJ, Jackson 99.5 F.M.

This is New Hampshire
Public Radio,

news and information
for the Granite State.

(SIRENS WAILING)

It's nice
having this again.

Well, it's supposed
to be better than "nice."

You know what I mean.

After that nightmare,
God, we are blessed, Tony.

Yeah.

(DRUMS PLAYING)

AJ's practicing?

That's a first.

I'll let you know.

- All right.
- All right, thanks, man.

Your amigos
with the baggy pants...

hope you kept 'em
away from the silver.

Oh, Jesus,
they're musicians, all right?

They saw an ad
for the drums.

You're selling
your drums?

I need cash.
I don't play 'em anymore.

Those drums were a gift
from your father.

Yeah, I don't
wanna sell 'em.

And if you guys hadn't made me
get such a crappy job,

- I wouldn't have to.
- This is our fault?

I'm wasting my time
at Blockbuster.

Why don't you get off your ass
and find another job?

What about community college? You said
you were gonna go back to school.

Okay, for the
hundredth time:

I can't register
until second semester!

- Oh!
- Jesus Christ!

I do what you
guys want,

don't I deserve
some kind of life?

Please, move back!
Move back!

Jim, we need a crew
on the roof to ventilate. Let's go!

I can't find Gareth.
I think he's still in the house.

Son of a bitch.
We'll get him.

- Oh God, Gareth!
- We'll get him, Sarah. We'll get him.

- It'll be all right, Sarah.
- Come on, guys, go go go!

Hurry up!
Come on.

- Look, look!
- That window!

- I got him!
- Oh... oh God!

I got her kid.

All right, whoo!

You want another one?

Yeah, sure.

(BURPS)

(FORCES BURP)

So Uncle Jun'...

what are we gonna do
about him?

He's incarcerated
for the rest of his unnatural life.

So fuck him.

He's a walking corpse.

Yeah, but, Dad,
what he did to you...

Certainly nothing
for you to worry about.

(CHICKENS SQUAWKING)

"Manager Dale."
Welcome to the neighborhood.

We're from the North Ward
Merchants Protective Cooperative.

I'm kinda busy.
You guys looking for a donation?

- Let him finish.
- You may have noticed,

not to denigrate anyone,
but this is a transitional neighborhood.

I mean, demographically speaking,
you still have a lot of marginal types.

We merchants have found
you really should

have some round-the-clock
security here.

- Isn't that what the police are for?
- They do their best,

but they got
their hands full.

Your weekly dues to us will give you
all the supplemental

- safety net you'll ever need.
- I can't authorize anything like that.

It'd have to go through
Corporate in Seattle.

We merchants prefer
to deal on a personal one-on-one basis.

I don't have any
discretionary funds.

It's gotta go
through Corporate.

How do you think Corporate
would feel if...

for the sake of argument, someone threw
a brick through your window?

They've got 10,000 stores
in North America.

I don't think
they'd feel anything.

What if, God forbid,
it wasn't just vandalism?

What if an employee,

even the manager say,
was assaulted?

Look, every last
fucking coffee bean

is in the computer
and has to be accounted for.

The numbers don't add up, I'll be gone
and somebody else will be here.

It's over
for the little guy.

Vince, good morning.
How's your book coming?

Okay.

You're always welcome
to join the other guests for breakfast.

Thad says if your dishwasher
is newer than five years,

you don't need to use
the pre-rinse cycle.

The fact is I don't recommend it.
It can trick the sensors

into thinking that the dishes
are cleaner than they really are.

I gotta go write.
Thanks.

Morning.

Jason Masucci was down in Tampa
visiting his mother,

thought he saw Vito
in a Jenny Craig.

Turned out to be
some other fat piece of shit.

If that fag ever
does come back,

we should have
Carlo do it.

Be good
with all the crews.

Excuse me?
You were all hot to trot.

I got enough complications
in my life.

Feds up my ass.

For business reasons,
okay,

but for political
correctness?

Ooh, check it out.

I could do that,
no problem.

Wait here.
I'll get your Viagra.

Let me tell you something,
for two months after the shooting,

as far as snatch
was concerned,

didn't even have a hard-on
when I woke up in the morning.

Like Sil.

Bullet didn't fuck
with the plumbing though.

No no, thank God.

It's just the effects
of the physical trauma.

Doc said it was part
of the healing process.

I must be healed now
because I got a baguette

in my pants now 24/7.

(CHUCKLES)
Affirmation of life.

Hey, she's coming
this way.

Put money in the meter
or something.

Anthony Soprano.

- Yeah.
- Julianna Skiff,

Century 21.
You got a minute?

Sure.

Cannoli?

No, thank you.

You own the building at 217 Franklin,
right around the corner,

currently occupied
by Caputo Live Poultry.

I represent
the Jamba Juice Company.

They're interested
in purchasing the property.

Jamba Juice...

wants to put a store
in around here?

Well, you must have
noticed the area's on an upswing.

You know the old glove factory
across the park,

over by the cathedral,
beautiful renovation.

I just bought
a loft there myself.

Person like yourself's a wonderful
addition to the neighborhood.

Jamba Juice is willing
to pay $175 a square foot.

Public records show
the building at 1,800 square feet.

So that makes
a purchase price of $315,000.

You ever buy eggs
from Caputo?

Frankly, I'm not wild
about the smell in there.

Let me tell ya, his eggs
taste 10 times better

than any of the ones you get
in the supermarket. Chickens too.

Businesses relocate
all the time.

No, this would be a real loss
for the neighborhood.

Don't you live out
in North Caldwell?

Yeah, my family made
the trek up Guinea Gulch.

Bloomfield Avenue.

But my roots here
go way back.

My grandfather
came from Avellino

like most of the people around here,
and I grew up right over there.

My father was an early
community leader.

Mm-hmm.

How about you?
Where're you from?

Upstate New York.

- Binghamton.
- How'd you wind up here?

My parents have
a catering business,

something to leave
to the kids, right?

Only I didn't see myself making
Salisbury steak for the next 30 years.

So I left home at 17.

- Rebellious.
- Just a low tolerance for boredom.

So... interested,
not interested?

I'm interested.

But as far as
the property's concerned,

175 a square foot's
a little low.

And...

I don't wanna sell out
from under the guy.

Good morning, Vince.

The usual?

- Been dreaming of those johnnycakes.
- Can't beat Jim's johnnycakes.

I saw you at
the fire last night.

You got balls, my friend.

You don't get paid
for that, right?

We're all volunteers.

Back where I come from,
you join the fire department

to steal shit
from people's bedrooms.

- How's the book coming?
- It's fucking slow today.

Writer's block, huh?

Let's just say I like eating
a lot more than writing.

And you don't help any.

Everything you make
is fucking delicious.

You know...

I don't know
how you do it.

I can't even
write a letter.

I saw Graziano
fight Sugar Ray in 1952.

I took a train
to Chicago.

Maybe you should
interview me.

Maybe I will.

I thought you were writing a book
about Rocky Marciano.

Well, you can't talk about one
without the other.

Marciano...

now that was
a tragic death.

Now what was the year
he fought Joe Louis... '49?

Yeah.

Actually, I think
it was '51.

When you told me
you were writing a book,

I looked him up
on the Internet.

I don't know where
my fucking head is today.

Maybe you're working
too hard.

Yeah.

It must be lonely sometimes...
being a writer.

You get used to it.

Hey, Dad, I left
my science project in the back.

Don't lose
my glue gun.

(LATIN DANCE MUSIC
PLAYING)

Hey, Mrs. Conte.
Come sta'?

- How's the hip?
- Hey, Anthony. I need your help.

- What?
- Those nigger fucking whores,

they play that
music so loud.

Now that's not nice.
Those are Puerto Ricans, Mrs. Conte.

I ask 'em nice
to turn it down.

They tell me
to go fuck myself.

- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.

Hey, how's Junior?

- Tell him I said hello.
- Yeah.

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

(CUSTOMERS SPEAKING SPANISH)

You know, I been
meaning to ask you,

chicken or the egg?
You wanna weigh in?

That same stupid joke,
huh?

- How are you?
- Good good.

So how's business?
Mezzo mezz'?

- Believe it or not, better than ever.
- Glad to hear it.

I'll have to raise
your rent.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

See, when you hold
your knife with your blade

facing your opponent,
you got a lot better control.

Plus, you protect
the forearm.

No, if you got the tip pointing at him,
you get more distance.

You could swipe his abdomen
and fucking gut him.

See, that's stupid. Look how your range
of motion is limited.

It's so easy for him to step back,
grab your fucking arm,

- take your knife away.
- Could someone please check us out?

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Yo, Hernan.

Sure, what time?

Cool.

No problem.
I can cover tonight.

I'm totally
fucking minted. Later.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Yeah?

I'm at work.
What do you think?

He stepped on a nail?

Fuck.

How far did it
go in?

- Fuck!
- Would you mind?

I better call
you back. Bye.

That was Hernan?

He was such a dick
in high school.

Well, he was a senior.
What do you expect?

They always shit
on the underclassmen.

The kid spends
every night

in some fucking club
in New York,

sleeps till noon, puts in a couple
hours at Blockbuster

and that's it.

And since my injury,
like I told you,

I've been more,
you know...

accepting. Be grateful
for what you got.

But maybe that's wrong.
Maybe I should be on the kid.

My dad would have
kicked my lazy ass out of the house.

Really?

It's the chopping off
of the guy's finger, right?

I never should have told you 'cause
that's all you fixate on with him.

Can you empathize
with AJ at that age?

Yeah, I had some
problems at school,

but I didn't vegetate.

- What?
- These are different times.

People today are bombarded
with so much information,

so much input
of every kind.

Consequently,
true adulthood

is delayed.

Sociologists say
that 26

is in fact
the new 21.

And the new 26
is what?

I'm 46, so that means
I'm what, 35?

My father isn't
an old man.

It's ridiculous to let himself
disintegrate like this.

How's it going
with patient Soprano?

- What?
- I'm talking about my father, Elliot.

- I thought you were done.
- It happens too often.

I think that's
a non-sequitur accusation.

Why don't you just
admit he's a gangster?

He was gunned down,
and you're into it

on a tabloid level.

You devoted quite a chunk
of last visit to him.

I'm responding to that.

Nothing's changed, okay?

He refuses to really engage
on this trauma the uncle caused.

And I think it's just
a matter of time

before he totally
decompensates.

Has he cried
or reported crying

at all about
this man Buster?

Junior, no.

Hmm.

This omerta concept

comes from
a pre-therapeutic culture.

This isn't omerta.

It's something else.

(DANCE MUSIC
PLAYING DISTANTLY)

Hey, man...
park it in the garage

on 14th Street,
not the other shithole.

Watch for potholes.

What's going on, man?

How's it going?
Good to see you.

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

His dad's
really a gangster?

Capo di tutti capi.

What's that mean?

- How old are you?
- 20.

- Shut up.
- 15.

- How old are you?
- 18.

When I take E,
my feet get cold.

That ever happen
to you?

I wear special socks.

Let's go uptown
to my crib and get more twisted,

if that's possible.

- Oh, it's possible.
- I could give you a massage.

Yeah. Yeah, you could.

Oh, yeah, all right.

We all good?

Yeah, it's cool.

Mr. Soprano,
Zasu said to tell you

he's honored to
have you in the club.

And please,
regards to your dad.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, right.

What can I do
for you, Phil?

Vito.

Do we know
where he's at?

Well, that really
doesn't concern you.

How's John?

I don't know. Fine,
through his vale of tears.

But seriously, Vito, what's being
done about him?

Like I just said, it's none of your
fucking business

- 'cause he works for me, not you.
- He's married to my cousin.

He dishonored me
personally.

What do you want me to do,
put out an APB on the guy

'cause he takes it
up the ass, huh?

It's a victimless crime.

Marie is a victim.
Her children are victims.

They've done nothing.

And they're forced
to live with the shame

and humiliation.
I gotta be frank,

in your father's day,

we wouldn't be having
this conversation.

A finook in his crew,
he knew how to handle that.

I sympathize with Marie

and the children, okay?

But don't you fucking tell me what
to do. You're only acting boss.

I swallowed my pride
when your murdering fuck of a cousin

killed my brother.

Don't think I'm
gonna do it twice.

Phillip, let's not make a beef
where there isn't one.

Fundamentally,
we are in agreement

on this issue,
but I'll handle it.

You know, I saw you on TV
when your grandfather shot your dad.

And now we're
like friends.

- That's so weird.
- Right.

So what's gonna happen
to him, your grandfather, I mean?

He's my great-uncle.

So isn't your dad
gonna do something?

You know, the "omerto"?

We don't talk about that
with outsiders.

Cool, but I mean,

he's not just gonna
let him get away with it, is he?

I'll probably
have to do something.

Really?

You're so intense.

You probably left it
in the car, Thad.

No, it was
on the bedside table.

- I was charging it.
- You're always losing something.

Last week it was
the sunglasses.

He left them on the counter
at the TCBY.

- What did you lose?
- Cell phone.

I didn't lose it.
I was charging the damn thing.

Tell you what I do...
try to retrace my steps.

It was
on the bedside table.

(RINGS)

- Hello.
- Hey, it's me.

- Where are you? Who's Thad McCone?
- Some guy.

- Oh, my God, Vito.
- Not that.

I'm just borrowing
his phone.

Listen, Marie,

I'm sorry all this
had to happen.

I never meant
to hurt you.

Come back, Vito.
Just come back.

(SIGHS)

It's a little more
complicated than that.

Please, Phil said
it'll be all right.

We could get you help.
We could get you psychiatric help.

Phil? I trust him
least of all.

How can you say that?
He's family.

- He loves you.
- Not anymore, believe me.

But I've been
reading online,

there are these
church groups.

They could cure you
of this.

- Marie...
- Well, what are you gonna do,

never come home?

I'm working on that.

In the meantime,
you're gonna need some cash.

I need you, Vito.
I need my husband.

Listen to me, in the den behind
the elliptical trainer,

the baseboard
comes off.

There's 30K in there.

You know, Marie,

- you would like it here.
- Tell me where.

I'll bring the kids.
We'll relocate.

I gotta go.

Don't you wanna talk
to Frannie or little V?

Yeah, okay.

Put 'em on.

Vito, your father's
on the phone.

He wants to talk to you.

Hi, Dad.

Hey there, champ,
you been good?

You been behaving?

Yeah, you know...

- Dad?
- I gotta go.

You take care
of your mother, okay?

(CLICKS)

(BEEPS)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Mr. Soprano.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Good news.
- How'd you know to find me here?

I'm a real estate agent.

Uh-oh.

Can I buy you
a drink?

Uh, sure.

Ginger ale with
lime juice, please.

Have a seat.

Jamba Juice upped
their offer...

225 a square foot.

I don't know.

How's this for an idea?

They let you
carry the note.

You won't get hammered
on the taxes.

Well,
that's an incentive,

but the truth is
I don't wanna sell.

You're a businessman,
are you not?

As a businessman,
I gotta tell you

that in 10 years' time
that property's gonna

be worth twice as much
as they're offering.

But, you know, it's not
just the money.

You drive around America today
and everything looks the fucking same...

Old Navy and Bed, Bath
and whatever.

But the North Ward,
it's the North Ward.

Plus, I got business
interests there, so...

Something like all immigrant groups
love to gamble.

Listen, why don't...

me and you go get
some dinner?

I have a boyfriend.

I'm engaged.

I have a wife.
I'm married.

It's... you know,
we're talking business.

You just said you don't wanna sell.
What's there to discuss?

Truth is I'm
very attracted to you.

Maybe you read in the papers
that I got shot.

Well, Julianna,

that experience made
me appreciate life.

It's short. It could
end at any time,

and if you've got
the chance to do something

that might make you happy,

you should take it,

you know, like when
you left Binghamton.

You're very persuasive.

And in the past,
I might have jumped.

Like I said,
I'm engaged.

And things
are going well.

I think for once
in my life,

I will exercise
a little self-control.

Thanks for the drink.

Guy sent this over.

I saw that guy
in the field the other day.

When we were
practicing dummy drag,

he spent the whole time
in the bleachers staring.

Yeah?
Vince, come here.

Join us.

He's a very funny guy.
Great sense of humor.

- Thanks for this.
- Thanks.

My pleasure.

We were talking about
a call we had last month.

- We were lucky the roof held.
- Did anyone hear that Yma Sumac scream

when the ceiling fan
came down? That was Ron.

The goddamn thing
almost killed me.

You would have
screamed too, you cunt.

(LAUGHS)

Fucking nancies.
Don't argue now.

You know, guys, we've got to get serious
about the state muster next month.

Last year Hinsdale
whipped our butt in that ladder carry.

- What's that, a Deuce?
- Fat Boy.

Chromed out the forks.

- Nice.
- You ride?

I always wanted a Panhead.
Never happened.

You should get a bike.

Out here when the leaves
are changing,

blasting down
the Daniel Webster Highway,

- there's nothing else like it.
- Yeah.

I bet.

You know,
I'm glad you decided

to write your book
in our little town.

What the fuck you doing?
What are you, some kind of fag?

- Guess I made a mistake.
- You sure as fuck did.

Listen, closet queen, you can't handle
it... don't send out the signals.

(PANTING)

Dirty fighter, huh?

Asshole.

See that?
You didn't even notice.

What?

That salami...

40% less fat
and sodium.

You know...

you're always
looking out for me.

- I'm very lucky to have you.
- Mmm.

And don't you
forget it.

Hey, Prince Albert,
you know what time it is?

Huh?

These late nights
are getting to be

a real habit with you, AJ.
Don't you have to work today?

Look, I gotta
talk to you guys.

I need new clothes.
Everything I have is so old.

You got money.
You sold your drums.

And I need that money
for living expenses.

What do you think
clothes are?

No, I mean nice clothes,
not socks and underwear.

Oh, so you can go out
to the clubs with...

Fernando.
That kid is a creep.

Hernan. And he's not a creep.
He's my friend.

And I don't talk about
your friends that way.

When they were in school,
Hernan's mother and I

were on the faculty
lunch committee.

- Hernan has a reading disability.
- Fuck that.

And we're not giving you
any more money.

Frankly, AJ,
I am a little concerned...

the clubs, sleeping late,

your lack of interest
in anything productive.

Hey, I'm interested
in productive stuff,

just not stuff
you care about.

- I could run one of those clubs.
- What?

Look, I'm not just partying there.
I'm learning.

I see what works,
what doesn't.

I could have a great club,

and really successful.

If you guys care so much
about my future,

then why don't you
stake me?

In a club?
Get the hell out of here.

You pick up the garbage
in a lot of clubs in New York.

You know people. You could help me.
It's not like you can't

afford to set me up.
You have all the money in the world.

This is ridiculous.
Manage a club, AJ?

You've never even been
a busboy.

If you wanna get back
into event planning,

you should think about the Culinary
Institute in Poughkeepsie.

Culinary Institute? Why do you keep
talking about event planning?

I don't even know
what that is.

If you're serious,
I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll get you a job at Beansie's

and you can learn the business
from the ground up.

That's a fucking pizza parlor,
not a club.

It's the service
industry!

Why are we even
having this discussion?

You're going back to college
next semester.

See? This is
just what I mean.

You guys never give me any support
in anything I wanna do.

- AJ!
- Oh!

- (RECEDING FOOTSTEPS)
- God damn him.

This is fucking
demoralizing.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Maybe we should get him a club,
give him some responsibility.

Maybe he'll rise
to the occasion.

Are you insane?
He's not even legal drinking age.

Well, yeah yeah.

It's like a... bad smell
in the house.

It's always
hanging there.

More than that,
it's no good for me and Carmela.

'Cause arguing with AJ is no kind
of aphrodisiac, I'll tell you that.

Just when I was
beginning to feel

physically good again,
like my old self.

- Good. I see.
- But honestly, no one could blame a man

for seeking an extracurricular outlet
in a situation like this.

Don't give me that look.

You're always telling me
that I'm projecting.

You're projecting.

So you're not seeking
an extracurricular outlet?

No. I was just
being theoretical.

What Carmela did for me
when I was hurt,

the way
she took care of me,

nursed me back to health...
you think I wanna fucking betray that?

Is it possible
on some level

you blame her
for AJ's problems?

Look, I don't know.

No. Carmela's
a good mother.

She did her best.

Look, could you
just give me

some practical advice

for once?

Tell me what the fuck to do
about my son?

Well...

I think it's
entirely appropriate

for you and Carmela
to tell AJ.

You have certain
expectations of him,

particularly since he's
living in your home.

The most
important thing is

that you and Carmela
are in agreement

on the issues,

that you don't
undercut each other

or act at cross-purposes.

Here.
So you can buy a suit

to look nice for job
or college interviews.

This is not for fun.
This is not to be used

for any kind
of personal entertainment.

Thanks.

(DANCE BEAT THUMPING)

(SNIFFING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi.

Hey, Mr. Soprano.
What's going on?

Welcome back.

Hey, what's up?
Meet my friends.

This is Farhad and...

- Daryl. What's up?
- ...Daryl; AJ Soprano.

You know
Tommy Filippo?

- Providence?
- No, I don't think so.

Good friend of mine.
He's connected.

Farhad and Daryl
are starting a line of sports drinks.

- Cool.
- Big thing now.

Not just carbs... protein.

When you exercise,
you drink four-to-one

carbohydrate-to-protein
solution...

decrease muscle damage,
increase endurance.

- Yeah, that makes sense.
- They're looking for investors.

- Maybe we can get you a prospectus, eh?
- Absolutely.

For your dad.
You can ask him to look at it.

Do you ever go to Lotus?
Good crowd on Wednesdays.

- I was there twice.
- I was there last week... unbelievable.

Hey, wake me up
tomorrow, okay? 10:00?

We were just up
in Bradford.

There's a beautiful
long-truss bridge there.

Mmm. Right.

If you're interested
in covered bridges,

you need to get over
to Swanzey.

They have four marvelous
bridges there,

including a queen post.

Honey, we could
go tomorrow.

You know where else
you should go is Shaker Village.

(MOTORCYCLE
APPROACHING)

You can't beat those
Shaker brooms.

Oh, I love old brooms!

(WOMAN CONTINUES TALKING)

(MOTORCYCLE PASSES
AND FADES)

AJ!

I woke you up two hours ago
like you asked me.

Now get up.

- Ouch.
- Carl, are you all right?

(CARTOON CONTINUES)

It is 4:00
in the afternoon.

You are not even dressed!

I got the impression
you had something important to do.

- (RECEDING FOOTSTEPS)
- (TURNS OFF TV)

- There you go, Corrado.
- How come I don't get no mail?

Maybe you need
to write some letters,

start a correspondence.

Lying cocksucker!

They throw my mail out.

(PHONE RINGING)

Your uncle is having dinner,
but you can see him now.

Warren will take you in.

This way.

(DOOR BUZZES)

Wait for me, please.

(MAN GIGGLING NERVOUSLY)

He's over here.

- Corrado, you have a visitor.
- What?

Anthony!
My nephew.

Take me home.
I wanna go home.

- Knife!
- (WHISTLE BLOWING)

That's not my knife.

Hey! Hey hey hey!

- Let go of me! Let go of me!
- Take it easy.

- He shot my dad!
- Relax.

- He shot my dad!
- Relax. Take it easy.

Uh, Anthony Soprano.

Yeah. I just talked
to Assemblyman Zellman.

Get him out of here.

(DISTANT TRAFFIC NOISES)

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

My stomach hurts.

You stupid fucking moron. You realize
what could have happened to you

if we didn't have
connections?!

Some cop goes by the book
and they charge you

with attempted murder!
You hear me?

Attempted murder!
Then what? Then what?

He shot you! You were just gonna let him
fucking get away with it?

I told you that's
my business, not yours!

And what did you do?
Nothing!

Zero!
A big fucking jerk-off!

- Fuck you!
- I oughta break your fucking neck!

Stop cryin'.
Stop cryin'!

I guess your heart was
in the right place, AJ.

But it's wrong.
Come on.

- What?!
- It's not in your nature.

You don't know me.
And you don't know anything about me.

You're a nice guy and that's a good
thing, for Christ's sakes.

- Bullshit!
- I mean it.

You're a good guy.
I'm very grateful.

Well, you're a fucking
hypocrite,

because every time
we watch "Godfather"

when Michael Corleone
shoots those guys at the restaurant,

those assholes
who tried to kill his dad,

you sit there with your fucking
bowl of ice cream

and you say it's your
favorite scene of all time!

(EXHALES)

Jesus Christ, AJ...

you make me wanna cry.

It's a movie.

You gotta grow up.

You're not a kid anymore.

Did you hear me?
You gotta grow up.

(RETCHING)

Get in the car.

First of all, your mother does not
find out about this.

(STARTS ENGINE)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes?

I know you don't wanna sell,
but I thought you should know...

Jamba Juice upped their offer
to 275 a square foot.

$494,000.

You're kiddin' me.

Plus they'll let you
carry the note at 7.5%.

Any interest?

- Sold.
- Excellent.

Why don't you come by my office
tonight and sign the papers?

Look, uh...

how about
your apartment instead?

Good idea.
Want me to give you the address?

I remember.
The glove factory.

See you around 9:00?

Yeah. Okay.
I'll see you then.

- (PATRONS CONVERSING)
- (DISHES CLANGING)

(POP BALLAD
PLAYING ON RADIO)

Can I get an order
of johnnycakes?

- Short stack or tall?
- Tall.

Coffee?

Sometimes you tell
a lie so long...

you don't know
when to stop.

You don't know
when it's safe.

I hear you.

You looking for your
French blue?

- Here, I just ironed it.
- Oh.

Thanks.

Ooh, the Canali.
Very nice.

Where are you going?

I've got a... real estate thing.
Ahem...

My handsome man.

(SIGHS)

(LOUDLY) I can't get used
to this torque.

What?

(BIRDS TWITTERING)

(LOUD DANCE
MUSIC PLAYING)

So my landlord,
this fucking Armenian asshole,

won't give me my deposit back.
Seven grand!

My dad's, like,
super pissed!

Anyway, I was thinking
maybe you could talk to your dad

who could send someone
to lean on this prick a little

and get him to give me
my money back.

Soprano's the man!

Hey, are you okay?

You want some?

No.

Hi.

- Champagne?
- (CHUCKLES)

- We're celebrating, aren't we?
- I guess.

In the trade, this is called
"the Ben Franklin close"...

placing the pen
on the line you want someone to sign.

Theoretically, it makes it
harder for them

to have second thoughts.

I'll have to show you
my collection sometime...

"the Franklin Mint."

- You're not serious.
- What do you mean?

Okay, the contract.

Ahem...

Sign here...

and here...

here...

and here...

and here...

and deed of trust here...

disclosures here.

Initial it here.

Okay, title ID there.

Okay, phase one,

sign here...

and there...

and here.

And...

that's it.

(MOANING SOFTLY)

- (FABRIC RIPS)
- (JULIANNA MOANS)

Stop.

- What?
- Just stop.

Okay.

- Am I done?
- "Done"?

Yes, signing.
Am I done?

Uh, yeah.

I gotta go.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(DANCE BEAT THUMPING)

Shit.

Hey. Hey, man,
are you all right?

I'm a doctor.
Do you want me to call an ambulance?

My heart,
it's beating so fast.

Did you take anything...
cocaine, amphetamines?

No.

Has anything like this
ever happened to you before?

Do you have a history
of panic attacks?

(DOOR OPENS
AND SLAMS CLOSED)

(CRASHING)
God damn it!

Tony?

Hi. How did it go?

What's it take to get some
fucking smoked turkey in this house?

- What?
- I bust my ass all day long,

when I come home
I want a little smoked turkey.

Is that too fucking much
to ask?!

What the fuck
is your problem?!

Everything but fucking
turkey in here!

Did you hear?
(CHICKENS SQUAWKING)

A goddamn juice place
moving in here.

What Jews?

Juice.
Jamba Juice.

Your boss went
and sold the building.

He sold the building?
I got a kid in college!

Where are
my fucking eggs?

(SQUAWKS LOUDLY)

What the fuck is happening
to this neighborhood?

(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)