The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 6, Episode 13 - Soprano Home Movies - full transcript
Carmela and Tony go away for Tony's birthday up to Janice's and Bobby's where a fight emerges between Tony and Bobby over Janice. Meanwhile A.J. is throwing a party at the Soprano home.
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
He's gonna win another 50, 60K.
All right, let's not
go backwards, huh?
These people you run into wanna
be boss, huh? They should know.
I told you.
You don't listen, you nut.
- (SIGHS)
- You want a coffee?
I don't know...
FBI, get down!
FBI, down!
(GRUNTS)
(DOG BARKING
IN DISTANCE)
(LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
What is that?
- What?
- (LOUD KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Is this it?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(DOORBELL
REPEATEDLY RINGS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
- What's going on?
- Go back to sleep.
Anthony Soprano,
Detective Gaudioso, Essex County.
I have a warrant for your arrest.
- For what?
- Are you Anthony Soprano?
What, did you bring
the whole county with you?
We don't take any chances
when it concerns an illegal firearm
containing hollow-point
ammunition.
What?
Where's the FBI?
Can I see a warrant?
We have the right.
- (INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO)
- Oh, thank God.
Will you tell them he's
got a medical condition?
This is his family doctor
right here. Ask him.
- (CELL PHONE RINGS)
- Hello, Janice.
Did you talk to Tony about
coming up to the lake for his birthday?
Tony was arrested
this morning.
- For what?
- Weapons charge.
They're booking him in North Caldwell
before they take him to Newark.
- I'm dropping off his clothes.
- It's a gun, no big deal.
Hollow-point ammunition,
they said.
Yeah, well,
he'll still make bail.
You know he's not wild
about the drive, Janice.
I really think it's
not the time right now.
Well, let him know
we're with him.
All right.
If you have hollow-point bullets
in anything, take 'em out today.
Oh, God damn it, AJ,
there is tomato sauce
all over these pants.
AJ, I asked
for the brown suit
from the
dry-cleaning bag.
The light didn't go on
in your closet.
Stop it, will you please?
That show of force,
was that all about
humiliating Dad?
(MEN SHOUTING)
(BUZZER)
- (BUZZER)
- (MEN CONTINUE SHOUTING)
Your Honor, the police
pulled over some kid
and found a baggie
with cocaine residue.
They also found a gun loaded
with hollow-point bullets
on the floor.
Now in order
to beat the rap,
this 16-year-old punk
claims he saw my client
drop that weapon.
And mind you, not yesterday,
but over two years ago,
using it in the meantime
to shoot at cans
and impress his friends.
('50S ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
I gotta tell you, Phil,
you look fantastic.
- As in science fiction?
- No. What? Come on.
Fucking empty compliments.
I had major fucking coronary disease.
- He's not shitting you, Phil.
- I broke my fucking gazz in Florida
on that goddamn recumbent
bike, I'll tell you that.
Would I shit you?
You're my favorite turd.
(LAUGHING)
Fucking kid.
Why don't you get
a real bike,
have some beach pussy
to look at
while you're
working the heart?
Go over the handlebars, have some
fucking head trauma? That's all I need.
I'm 66 years old.
Anyway, Phil,
welcome home.
- (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
- Thanks.
Don't listen to me.
I'm a cranky fuck lately.
- Lately?
- Ooh!
Why don't you get
a bike, you fat fuck?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Ho... (SINGING)
- How are you, Doc?
- Let me get a drink. I'll be back.
All right.
Glad you're back, Phil.
This fucking guy.
How you doing?
I'm here to enjoy
my grandchildren,
my home.
Did you hear the news?
Pork Chop out in Jersey
got pinched on
a weapon charge.
Drops a gat in a field somewhere
three fucking years ago.
- What the fuck?
- Jersey. Fucking farmers, I don't know.
Yeah, he was probably going down
on some sheep or some shit.
Gun violence is a blight
on Essex County,
and Mr. Soprano will be prosecuted
to the fullest extent
of the law...
You know what
that says, Hector?
That's your mommy's
name... Blanca.
Blanca Blanca Blanca.
That's Mommy's name.
AJ, can you
turn that off, please?
(TV TURNS OFF)
Tony.
Take the yellow ribbons down,
everybody. Our boy's come home.
- Dad.
- Hey. I'm fine.
They let him
out already?
What she means is, in our neighborhood
people don't get out right away.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
- Hello.
- Where's Christopher?
I don't know.
I thought he was here.
Hold on.
It's Bobby.
- Yeah.
- You want me to come down?
No, nothing a hot shower
won't fix.
Carm told Jan you were
on the fence about the weekend.
I don't know.
Sit around, chew the fat.
We got the meeting
with the Canadians.
Ton', with these hassles, you should
make it up our way here.
(SUCKING LOUDLY)
You know, maybe that's
not such a bad idea.
Mr. Federal Attorney.
- What can I do for you?
- You had to have your cheap headline?
Can you really not be aware
we've been building a RICO case
against Tony Soprano
for five fucking years?
Then you blow this
popcorn fart.
Are you gonna relax?
It's just all this
little stuff,
like my phone has
one little bar up here.
I mean, what if the broker's
trying to contact me?
Caravan for my house is on Tuesday,
and the gas is still off.
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Mine works.
- Hello.
- Essex County dropped the charges.
I told you it was
a piece-of-shit case.
Two years old,
no decent prints.
Santa Claus could have
dropped that gun in the snow.
They dropped the charges.
Well, I'd say I owe you one,
but I'm sure
it's more than one.
Neil, thanks again.
Thank God. I really didn't want it
hanging over your birthday.
Can we forget already
that it's my birthday?
You say that and then you get upset
if nobody makes a fuss.
- Hi.
- There you are.
I was starting
to get worried.
Traffic was horrible.
- I've had to pee since Glen Falls.
- Well, go.
Hey, Sis.
"National Lampoon's
Vacation."
How you doing?
How are you?
You know, I gotta
admit it... every time,
once you're up here,
it's pretty great.
Aren't you adorable too
with your matching dress
just like Mommy's?
- Hi, Mercedes.
- Hello.
It's your favorite uncle.
There she is.
It's that little girl,
but I forget her name.
- Gladys?
- Nica.
- No, Murgatroyd.
- Nica.
Uh-oh.
Daddy.
- Oh, Daddy's girl.
- Daddy's little girl.
- Who's hungry?
- You know, a water would be perfect.
- Pellegrino?
- Sure.
He's gonna pass.
He's stuffed.
(ALL LAUGHING)
- ShopRite Sparkling?
- Sure.
If Frank Sinatra were coming here
to celebrate his birthday,
would you leave the lawn like that?
Looks like shit.
He has enough lawn maintenance
at the new house
since somebody let
the gardener go.
Oh, the house
wasn't enough.
I'm joking.
You know how
grateful we are.
Beer, Ton'?
Absolutely.
Madonn'.
800 rounds per.
He chromed out
the inner carrier.
And what I like, it's got the Panther
fluted barrel.
Is this how
you bagged that deer?
I wouldn't use a firearm
like this on a deer.
It's unsportsmanlike.
Oh, like the poor prick's
got a chance against a 30.06.
Actually,
last two seasons,
I've been using
a bow and arrow exclusively.
Get the fuck out
of here.
Seriously, it levels
the playing field.
The AR-10, that's my birthday
present to you.
Thanks, Bobby.
Don't say shit
to Carmela.
Me and Tony almost got
a summer place...
down the shore,
remember, Tony?
Any more
stuffed mushrooms?
My pop bought this place
'cause it was close to Canada.
He had ties in Montreal.
You know, Ton'.
His father, my grandpop,
come into the country
originally through
Montreal, illegally.
No kidding? He wasn't Ellis Island,
your grandfather?
Nah, got mixed up in some shenanigans
on the other side,
anti-government
or something.
Had a police record.
They oughta build
a wall now, though.
- I'm telling you.
- Amen.
Mommy!
When are
the kids back?
Sophia the 7th
and Robert the end of the month.
That's nice.
I'm very lucky
to be back
with my family
after all these years.
Look at you and me, Tony.
Who would have thought we'd have
the kind of relationship we have now?
The credit goes to you.
You really changed.
So I had to change?
It's a compliment.
You were fine.
You're different
since that stuff last year...
the shooting.
- I'm sure Carm would agree.
- I would.
Oh, look,
the fish are jumping.
I'm different how?
How am I different?
(NICA SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHING)
Story you heard.
- The pool.
- Oh my God, please.
- What?
- You don't wanna know.
Pradeep,
our pharmacist,
was at a pool party.
All the kids were playing
in the water.
The adults were all around and having
drinks, barbecuing.
Somehow even with
all these people around,
this three-year-old child managed
to fall into the pool.
Nobody even noticed till finally
they found him floating face down
- in the water.
- (GASPS)
Brain dead.
Poor kid's in one of those padded
wheelchairs now.
Oh.
I can't get that story
out of my mind.
I don't know why.
(GROANING)
(PANTS, LAUGHS)
Happy birthday.
It's supposed
to rain down there,
so make sure that all the cellar windows
are closed.
- Okay.
- And make sure
you check the one
by Dad's wine rack.
- Okay.
- Easy, big fella.
- That Jacuzzi's bitchin'.
- Who is that?
That's Fran the waitress.
We're really busy down here.
- You're at work?
- Yes, I'm at the pizzeria.
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
The Jacuzzi
and the tub's fantastic.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
There's everybody.
Don't let us forget
to wash the sheets, okay?
Yeah, ha ha!
Anthony Jereboam Soprano.
What's up?
Tony seem to hit the hooch
a little at lunch today?
I think he's feeling
his age.
What do you think
it's like for me?
When we were kids,
he'd do whatever I said.
He ate one of Tippy's Milk-Bones
because I told him it was a cookie.
My therapist Sandy,
she said my Ma
was a splitter.
She'd pit us three
against each other...
to toughen us up,
I guess.
I couldn't help hearing
you with AJ.
God, you gotta walk on eggshells
with these kids today, huh?
We're almost through that phase,
thank God.
You're good with them.
Really? I wish
he'd go back to college.
He sleeps most nights
at Blanca's.
Speaking of kids and Ma,
Sandy said something
interesting...
that when we were babies,
everything was fine,
but Ma couldn't stand
that as her babies got older,
they separated from her.
When they started
to talk and express ideas,
that's when
the trouble started.
It wasn't that
she didn't love us.
Mmm-mmm!
You've been a solid
performer for some time now.
Plus, you're my
brother-in-law.
You get older,
you think about things.
You're a young man.
We both are.
- World's still in front of us.
- Balls.
My estimate historically,
80% of the time it ends up
in the can like Johnny Sack
or on the embalming table
at Cozarelli's.
Don't even say it.
No risk, no reward.
I mean, yeah, our line of work,
it's always out there.
You probably don't even hear it
when it happens, right?
Ask your friend
in there on the wall.
Listen to us.
Morbid fucks.
Come to think of it, you never popped
your cherry in that regard, right?
No.
Yet your old man was
the fucking Terminator.
I come close.
I done other shit,
but no.
A salut'.
It's a big fat pain
in the balls.
Especially now
with DNA evidence.
My pop never
wanted it for me.
He said there were times
with all the worry
that he wished he could
have stayed in the shop full-time,
just cut hair.
To be honest, I'd rather
he fucking shot me than cut my hair.
There's somebody I've been
bringing along to insulate myself
from the stuff that
could bring down a boss,
and take care of Carmela
too, in case...
God forbid.
Now maybe
between me
and this person...
there's diverging agendas.
- Sorry to hear it.
- It happens.
Thing is, the Newark
facilities manager,
he's gonna fix it so we do all the
window replacements
in the projects.
I was thinking maybe
you should work that.
I'm honored just
to be considered.
Then we'll see what
happens after that, long-term.
(SINGING BIRTHDAY SONG)
(CHEERING, LAUGHING)
- Time for presents.
- And grappa.
I told you people I didn't want
any presents, just...
Just a few kind words.
That was my father's line
every year.
I get the joke,
believe me.
"Soprano Home Movies."
I had all the Super 8s
from when we were kids transferred.
Oh, cool.
It's really
very thoughtful.
Thank you.
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, look at these.
Oh, look at this.
Tailor-mades, wow!
"To my husband:
You're not just a funny, smart, lovable,
good-looking guy.
- You're mine."
- Aww.
- Thank you, baby.
- Happy birthday.
Cent' ann', Anthony.
Oh, wait wait.
To have my health,
to be in this
beautiful spot
with people
that I love...
- I couldn't ask for more.
- Salut'.
(JANICE SINGING
ROCK SONG)
(SINGING CONTINUES)
('50S ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING)
Six.
Community Chest.
"Pay hospital $100."
Fuck me.
What are you doing?
It goes in the bank.
- We play the Free Parking rule.
- What Free Parking rule?
Money from Community Chest
and Chance goes into the middle.
Whoever lands on Free Parking
gets the money.
You show me that
in the rules.
Technically it isn't in the rules,
but a lot of people play it that way.
It adds a whole new level
of excitement to the game.
I don't agree with that.
When we were growing up
in our house, this is how we played.
You know, the Parker Brothers
took time to think this all out.
I think we should
respect that.
Fuck the Parker Brothers.
Just play the game.
Out of grappa.
How about some R?my?
- 9, 10, 11...
- Yay!
- Fuck.
- Marvin Gardens
with two houses...
360 simoleons.
Don't throw the money
at me. Hand it to me.
I saw that.
- Saw what?
- You just kyped $500 from the bank.
God damn it, Tony!
(IMITATES W.C. FIELDS) I beg
your pardon, my sweet little potato.
You asshole.
- Free Parking, baby.
- This is bullshit.
You take a game of skill
and you make it just about luck.
Are you listening
to this fucking crybaby?
How about I make up
my own fucking rules?
How about every time
I land on one of my properties,
I get $100.
How about that?
(MOCKING) How about that?
How about that?
Whose turn is it,
my turn?
It was mine.
Okay.
Here's $150.
I want to put a house
on Ventnor.
- Daddy!
- (CARMELA GASPS)
She wants to say
good night again.
- Aww.
- You gotta go to bed, baby.
Come here, my sweetie.
Yes, so if you go
to bed,
you know what?
Mommy will give you
a Willy Wonka Laffy Taffy.
- Laffy Taffy!
- Jan, we talked about this.
You tell me the difference
between bribery
and positive reinforcement.
That looked like
a bribe to me.
You know what, Uncle Tony?
Butt the fuck out.
In front of the baby.
They're in the kitchen.
Night-night.
I could tape you.
Send it to "Parents Magazine."
What's that supposed
to mean?
When we were kids,
remember?
You tape-recorded me
and Barb fighting.
You blackmailed us
for over a fucking month.
- I did no such thing.
- Oh! Yeah, you did.
- You fed him a Milk-Bone.
- You what?
You want to swap
family stories, Ton'?
How about the time
that Mom and Dad
were coming back
from the Copa?
That's enough, Janice.
And Ma's hair...
That never even happened. And anyway,
it's not for public consumption.
- Oh, my God, what?
- They're driving back from Manhattan
with Uncle Jun
and his goomar.
Oh, what was
her name, Tony?
- Your ass.
- That's how we heard the story...
through her. Rose Marie.
Anyway,
my father's driving,
and she's ragging on his ass.
You know how she'd get.
He'd been drinking,
I guess.
- And he takes out his gun.
- Oh my God.
- Boom!
- Holy shit.
Fucking blew it
right through
her beehive hairdo.
I can't believe you
never told me that story.
Yeah,
what's the big deal?
'Cause it makes us look
like a fucking dysfunctional family.
- Jesus Christ!
- My turn.
And don't you ever tell the kids that
about their grandfather.
Of course not.
So did you guys look at her hair?
Was there powder burns?
She had it bobbed
the next day.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
- Play the game.
- Okay okay.
Doubles.
Ah, one-two-three,
four-five-six...
Boardwalk...
I own it.
You blew guys
under it.
I roll again.
Okay.
"Second prize in
a beauty contest.
Collect $10."
Go ahead!
Make your stupid joke.
I got nothing to say.
Think I'll buy a railroad.
A German Shepherd's shaved
asshole won first prize.
Ho... you're talking
about my wife.
- You married her.
- This is my home.
No more talking
like that.
- It's okay, Bobby.
- Stay outta this.
You Sopranos...
you go too far.
All right. You know,
Jan, he's right.
I'm sorry.
I crossed the line.
- I apologize. It won't happen again.
- (DICE ROLLING)
My turn...
oh fuck, Income Tax.
(TONY SINGING
"UNDER THE BOARDWALK")
...with his schlong
in Jan's mouth...
- Oh, Tony!
- Bobby!
(CARMELA AND
JANICE SCREAMING)
No, stop!
What are you doing?
Stop that now!
(GLASS SHATTERING)
You fuck!
Tony!
Tony!
Stop it!
Ow!
Bobby!
What the fuck are you doing?
Stop!
Stop!
Bobby!
Mommy! Mommy!
What do we pay you for?
Put her to bed.
- Bobby!
- (NICA CRYING)
Tony... Tony,
are you all right?
Oh, Jesus.
(GRUNTING)
Come on... oh.
Bobby... stop.
Stop, you are
in no condition.
You'll kill yourself!
Fuck!
(CAR DOOR BEEPING)
(ENGINE REVVING DOWN)
(GASPING)
I'm okay.
Oh, my shoulder
is killing me.
Jesus-fucking-Christ,
Tony.
Is he all right?
Hold it, everybody.
Look, Ton...
I'm really sorry.
Bobby,
just shut up.
Let's all just
go to bed.
I'll go get some ice.
What the fuck were
you thinking?
You're my wife.
He insulted you.
I'm a big girl.
I can take care of myself.
Oh, God, he is
head of the family.
Do you think he's just gonna wake up
tomorrow and forget about this?
(TONY SNORING)
(COUGHING)
(TURNS KNOB)
What the fuck
are you doing?
You beat me
fair and square.
Come on,
let's just...
(RUSTLING OUTSIDE)
(BOTTLES CLINKING)
(GRUNTING)
Well, I hope
you're proud of yourself.
How's your shoulder?
- Great.
- Maybe we should have it looked at.
I'm packed.
I would like to go.
You were right. You told me
to ease up on the drinking.
You shoulda' insisted.
So now it's my fault?
Go wash your face
so we can leave.
I hope you're hungry.
I made a frittata.
And Ramos fizzes.
Well, thank you but we think
it'd be better if we left.
Not because of
last night?
It's for the best.
Come on,
we're family!
Jesus, these
things happen.
I really think we'd all
be more comfortable.
We had a little
too much to drink,
but no harm done.
The whole thing's already forgotten.
Besides, Tony, we have
that thing later. The Canucks.
It's a sin
to waste food.
Well, I don't know.
Here...
hair of the dog.
(DOCK BELL CLANGING)
(SIGHS)
(RADIO PLAYING
'50S ROCK)
...suicide car bomber
kills two U.S. soldiers...
(TUNING)
...west of Baghdad.
That makes five Americans
killed in Iraq over the past two days.
There are
more Iraqi deaths,
at least 29 bodies found
scattered around Baghdad today...
Fucking look at him
out there.
What?
I've seen that
sitting in the chair thing.
Come on.
People sit in chairs.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
The couple from
Verona never came back
to take a second look
at the house.
Meadow's staying in
this weekend to study.
Pediatricians aren't
the highest-paid doctors...
that's radiologists.
But still, what
a wonderful thing to be.
That fucking throw rug
hadn't been there, would've been
- Bobby on his back, not me.
- What?
I wouldn't have slipped.
I would have kicked his ass.
Jesus Christ,
do you think I care?
Oh, you don't, huh?
You were there...
that night in the crowd
in the parking lot at Pizza World,
when I took
Dominic Tedesco.
I didn't even know your name,
but I remember
our eyes met, and you
were blown away.
I was in fucking
high school.
I'm supposed to be turned on
by you beating up your brother-in-law
at your 47th birthday?
How old is Bobby?
42, 43?
You think those four years
don't make a difference?
You had it coming.
You get away with murder
because you're his boss.
Oh, really?
And how about the fact he wouldn't be
living in that fucking mansion
if it wasn't for me?
I had to sacrifice my entire
friendship with Johnny Sack
to get him and Janice
that house.
Funny how everybody
forgets that, huh?
They are grateful, Tony.
Jesus...!
You know, you and your sister,
you are emotionally blocked.
I'm old, Carm.
And my body has
suffered a trauma
that it will probably
never fully recover from,
so why don't we just
face the facts?
(GROANS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Yeah?
- Hey, T, it's me.
Just wanted to wish you
a belated happy birthday.
(NICA AND MERCEDES
SINGING)
(CAR TRUNK SLAMS)
We had a scare
last summer.
Guy down the road was fishing,
thought he caught a snakehead.
Yuck.
Thankfully, it was
only a bowfin.
- What's a snakehead?
- It's this horrible, ugly fish...
Tell you something,
Bobby.
We had this little tussle
a year ago,
before my injury...
This again?
Ton', I think
everyone here knows
you were at
a disadvantage.
I don't want to take
nothin' away from you,
but...
sucker punch is
a sucker punch.
So then it wasn't
fair and square?
I mean, make up
your mind.
I think we both know
what's what.
But forget about it.
I have.
Come on, Bobby,
let's go.
Where are
you two going?
Play some golf
with some people.
Oh, right.
Why don't you just hit
a few into the lake?
Bobby, come on.
You okay?
Could turn the air on.
I'm good.
Just I should have taken
a leak before we left.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(GIGGLING)
Oh, honey,
look at you go!
Mercedes, you didn't tell me
that you were taking her in the lake.
I'm watching her,
Miss Janice.
You're supposed
to tell me
whenever you take her
in the lake.
It's all right.
I'm here, too.
I don't want Nica
going in the lake
without my knowing.
(SIGHS)
Come on, you've been
in there long enough.
Nica, did you hear me?
I'm talking to you.
No!
- What did you say?
- (SCREECHES)
Nica, come over here.
- No.
- Don't tell me no.
Don't you ever
tell me no!
- Mad.
- You're not mad.
You have no right
to feel mad.
- I'll give you something to be mad about.
- (NICA CRYING)
Take her to the house,
and put her to bed now.
(CRYING)
She's never spoken to me
like that before... never.
- Probably needs that nap.
- That fucking Bobby Jr,
he's going through his
goddamn adolescence.
He's nothing but
lip and attitude.
She's imitating.
She's got
that pitch-perfect ear.
I'm a little hyper today.
Maybe it's these
estrogen pills.
Well, if you're
as hungover as I am...
That was some story
you told, though.
(LAUGHS)
My dad and the gun?
That alone was worth
the price of admission.
Oh, he was Nabolidan'
to his core, boy.
Mmm.
I had this boyfriend once...
one night he hit me.
Boy oh boy,
I blew my lid.
I completely exploded.
I'm more like my dad.
Than who?
Tony, for example.
So, what are you saying?
He's more like your mother?
No.
Listen, he's got that
temper too.
In the end he went
his separate way.
Who?
My boyfriend.
I'm not proud
of it, though.
Sounds like he deserved it.
(MOTORBOAT PASSING)
My mother, though,
she could lay out in
the weeds for days, years,
waiting to strike.
That verbal diarrhea,
when you got something in
that head of yours, Janice,
you give yourself away. What are you
saying about my husband?
What... what did I say?
I don't know what goes
on in your house,
but for your information, Tony has
never raised his hand to his children.
Nothing goes on
in my house.
- Or to me.
- Fine.
But you know what,
I take that back.
Once he slapped AJ,
and he felt horrible about it...
for days.
Bobby took advantage of him
last night
when Tony had had
too much to drink.
There is no excuse for the way
Bobby blindsided him.
Tony is not
a vindictive man.
What did I say?
(SCREEN DOOR OPENS)
(MUSIC PLAYING,
BILLIARD BALLS STRIKING)
You had a pretty good success
with the Lipitor, right?
Well, at this moment we could
also sell to you Fosamax.
Medication for...
osteo... osteporose, you know,
for the women, their bones.
Now, one month's
supply of Fosamax,
four pilules... pills,
sells for $70 U.S.
from the pharmacy.
We sell four pills
to you for $10 U.S.
- What, are they counterfeit?
- No no no.
They're true. They're
from Assurance Maladie,
but expiree...
like, old.
Change the date,
nobody knows.
How much... Fosamax
can you get?
20,000 pills
every three months.
There some way we could
get you to lower your price?
You already make
a big profit.
That's a good deal.
And we'll give you the first pills
in one week, Monday.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
What?
I cannot come
the week next
because ma soeur...
my sister,
she has problems
in the court.
She got a good lawyer?
Makes all the difference.
Her old husband, he wants to take
the child they have together
to Winnipeg, because
he's some drummer over there.
- Can you believe this?
- She never see her son.
Separate a child
from his mother?
I mean, what kind
of person does this?
I would give anything to be, you know,
debarasse of this shit.
To have him gone
from her life...
That's tough
talk, bon ami.
I'm really serious.
I tell you what:
you knock your price
down to 35 grande
and we'll see what we can do about
making your sister's custody problem...
go away.
And I'm not talking
about a lawyer, either.
Now, who does this?
You pay to some
drug addict?
No, somebody reliable.
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
We got to talk.
You'll take care
of this, right?
Sure.
No bow and arrows now.
- Ooh.
- (HONKING)
Nice, huh?
Bobby...
(LAUGHS)
Hi, hi.
Mwah!
Oh, how was the game?
Oh, you know,
he held his own, but...
Must have been
the new clubs.
- Yeah.
- Do you want to eat something?
No no, I figure we
should hit the road,
beat the traffic.
Okay.
You let him win.
Smart.
Drive carefully.
Here.
Thanks again
for my present.
Oh, wait till you see the shots
of Aunt Gemma from the '60s.
You forget what a beauty
she was before the steroids.
- Bobby, you're a wonderful host.
- It was our pleasure.
Goodbye. When Nica
wakes up from her nap,
give her a belly
smooch from us.
Okay. Bye.
(HONKS HORN)
He broke your balls
about the fight, didn't he?
No, he didn't.
(ZIPPING)
Bobby?
Where are you going?
- It's business, Jan.
- Now?
- Yeah.
- Well, when are you coming back?
I'm not sure.
A couple days.
A couple of days?
The Salernos are coming tomorrow.
Stop fucking nagging me.
I'll be back
as soon as I can.
(INDISTINCT
FRENCH RADIO)
(OBJECTS TUMBLING)
- Allo, Natalie.
- Salut.
- (BULLET TUMBLING)
- (COUGHING)
(NO SOUND)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yeah?
Some news about this
gun charge:
- it's not going away.
- You said they dropped it.
Essex County did, but now
looks like the feds took it over.
Fuck.
What happened to
"It's a piece-of-shit case"?
It is.
Unwinnable.
But fold it into a RICO,
it adds a predicate.
Good news is if they
had what they needed
we'd be having this
conversation through glass.
I gotta go.
('50S ROCK PLAYING)
Girls, let's do
the tea now.
Pour a little
for Jamie too.
- Bobby, finally!
- Hey, Bobby.
Daddy!
---
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
He's gonna win another 50, 60K.
All right, let's not
go backwards, huh?
These people you run into wanna
be boss, huh? They should know.
I told you.
You don't listen, you nut.
- (SIGHS)
- You want a coffee?
I don't know...
FBI, get down!
FBI, down!
(GRUNTS)
(DOG BARKING
IN DISTANCE)
(LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
What is that?
- What?
- (LOUD KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Is this it?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(DOORBELL
REPEATEDLY RINGS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
- What's going on?
- Go back to sleep.
Anthony Soprano,
Detective Gaudioso, Essex County.
I have a warrant for your arrest.
- For what?
- Are you Anthony Soprano?
What, did you bring
the whole county with you?
We don't take any chances
when it concerns an illegal firearm
containing hollow-point
ammunition.
What?
Where's the FBI?
Can I see a warrant?
We have the right.
- (INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO)
- Oh, thank God.
Will you tell them he's
got a medical condition?
This is his family doctor
right here. Ask him.
- (CELL PHONE RINGS)
- Hello, Janice.
Did you talk to Tony about
coming up to the lake for his birthday?
Tony was arrested
this morning.
- For what?
- Weapons charge.
They're booking him in North Caldwell
before they take him to Newark.
- I'm dropping off his clothes.
- It's a gun, no big deal.
Hollow-point ammunition,
they said.
Yeah, well,
he'll still make bail.
You know he's not wild
about the drive, Janice.
I really think it's
not the time right now.
Well, let him know
we're with him.
All right.
If you have hollow-point bullets
in anything, take 'em out today.
Oh, God damn it, AJ,
there is tomato sauce
all over these pants.
AJ, I asked
for the brown suit
from the
dry-cleaning bag.
The light didn't go on
in your closet.
Stop it, will you please?
That show of force,
was that all about
humiliating Dad?
(MEN SHOUTING)
(BUZZER)
- (BUZZER)
- (MEN CONTINUE SHOUTING)
Your Honor, the police
pulled over some kid
and found a baggie
with cocaine residue.
They also found a gun loaded
with hollow-point bullets
on the floor.
Now in order
to beat the rap,
this 16-year-old punk
claims he saw my client
drop that weapon.
And mind you, not yesterday,
but over two years ago,
using it in the meantime
to shoot at cans
and impress his friends.
('50S ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
I gotta tell you, Phil,
you look fantastic.
- As in science fiction?
- No. What? Come on.
Fucking empty compliments.
I had major fucking coronary disease.
- He's not shitting you, Phil.
- I broke my fucking gazz in Florida
on that goddamn recumbent
bike, I'll tell you that.
Would I shit you?
You're my favorite turd.
(LAUGHING)
Fucking kid.
Why don't you get
a real bike,
have some beach pussy
to look at
while you're
working the heart?
Go over the handlebars, have some
fucking head trauma? That's all I need.
I'm 66 years old.
Anyway, Phil,
welcome home.
- (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
- Thanks.
Don't listen to me.
I'm a cranky fuck lately.
- Lately?
- Ooh!
Why don't you get
a bike, you fat fuck?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Ho... (SINGING)
- How are you, Doc?
- Let me get a drink. I'll be back.
All right.
Glad you're back, Phil.
This fucking guy.
How you doing?
I'm here to enjoy
my grandchildren,
my home.
Did you hear the news?
Pork Chop out in Jersey
got pinched on
a weapon charge.
Drops a gat in a field somewhere
three fucking years ago.
- What the fuck?
- Jersey. Fucking farmers, I don't know.
Yeah, he was probably going down
on some sheep or some shit.
Gun violence is a blight
on Essex County,
and Mr. Soprano will be prosecuted
to the fullest extent
of the law...
You know what
that says, Hector?
That's your mommy's
name... Blanca.
Blanca Blanca Blanca.
That's Mommy's name.
AJ, can you
turn that off, please?
(TV TURNS OFF)
Tony.
Take the yellow ribbons down,
everybody. Our boy's come home.
- Dad.
- Hey. I'm fine.
They let him
out already?
What she means is, in our neighborhood
people don't get out right away.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
- Hello.
- Where's Christopher?
I don't know.
I thought he was here.
Hold on.
It's Bobby.
- Yeah.
- You want me to come down?
No, nothing a hot shower
won't fix.
Carm told Jan you were
on the fence about the weekend.
I don't know.
Sit around, chew the fat.
We got the meeting
with the Canadians.
Ton', with these hassles, you should
make it up our way here.
(SUCKING LOUDLY)
You know, maybe that's
not such a bad idea.
Mr. Federal Attorney.
- What can I do for you?
- You had to have your cheap headline?
Can you really not be aware
we've been building a RICO case
against Tony Soprano
for five fucking years?
Then you blow this
popcorn fart.
Are you gonna relax?
It's just all this
little stuff,
like my phone has
one little bar up here.
I mean, what if the broker's
trying to contact me?
Caravan for my house is on Tuesday,
and the gas is still off.
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Mine works.
- Hello.
- Essex County dropped the charges.
I told you it was
a piece-of-shit case.
Two years old,
no decent prints.
Santa Claus could have
dropped that gun in the snow.
They dropped the charges.
Well, I'd say I owe you one,
but I'm sure
it's more than one.
Neil, thanks again.
Thank God. I really didn't want it
hanging over your birthday.
Can we forget already
that it's my birthday?
You say that and then you get upset
if nobody makes a fuss.
- Hi.
- There you are.
I was starting
to get worried.
Traffic was horrible.
- I've had to pee since Glen Falls.
- Well, go.
Hey, Sis.
"National Lampoon's
Vacation."
How you doing?
How are you?
You know, I gotta
admit it... every time,
once you're up here,
it's pretty great.
Aren't you adorable too
with your matching dress
just like Mommy's?
- Hi, Mercedes.
- Hello.
It's your favorite uncle.
There she is.
It's that little girl,
but I forget her name.
- Gladys?
- Nica.
- No, Murgatroyd.
- Nica.
Uh-oh.
Daddy.
- Oh, Daddy's girl.
- Daddy's little girl.
- Who's hungry?
- You know, a water would be perfect.
- Pellegrino?
- Sure.
He's gonna pass.
He's stuffed.
(ALL LAUGHING)
- ShopRite Sparkling?
- Sure.
If Frank Sinatra were coming here
to celebrate his birthday,
would you leave the lawn like that?
Looks like shit.
He has enough lawn maintenance
at the new house
since somebody let
the gardener go.
Oh, the house
wasn't enough.
I'm joking.
You know how
grateful we are.
Beer, Ton'?
Absolutely.
Madonn'.
800 rounds per.
He chromed out
the inner carrier.
And what I like, it's got the Panther
fluted barrel.
Is this how
you bagged that deer?
I wouldn't use a firearm
like this on a deer.
It's unsportsmanlike.
Oh, like the poor prick's
got a chance against a 30.06.
Actually,
last two seasons,
I've been using
a bow and arrow exclusively.
Get the fuck out
of here.
Seriously, it levels
the playing field.
The AR-10, that's my birthday
present to you.
Thanks, Bobby.
Don't say shit
to Carmela.
Me and Tony almost got
a summer place...
down the shore,
remember, Tony?
Any more
stuffed mushrooms?
My pop bought this place
'cause it was close to Canada.
He had ties in Montreal.
You know, Ton'.
His father, my grandpop,
come into the country
originally through
Montreal, illegally.
No kidding? He wasn't Ellis Island,
your grandfather?
Nah, got mixed up in some shenanigans
on the other side,
anti-government
or something.
Had a police record.
They oughta build
a wall now, though.
- I'm telling you.
- Amen.
Mommy!
When are
the kids back?
Sophia the 7th
and Robert the end of the month.
That's nice.
I'm very lucky
to be back
with my family
after all these years.
Look at you and me, Tony.
Who would have thought we'd have
the kind of relationship we have now?
The credit goes to you.
You really changed.
So I had to change?
It's a compliment.
You were fine.
You're different
since that stuff last year...
the shooting.
- I'm sure Carm would agree.
- I would.
Oh, look,
the fish are jumping.
I'm different how?
How am I different?
(NICA SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHING)
Story you heard.
- The pool.
- Oh my God, please.
- What?
- You don't wanna know.
Pradeep,
our pharmacist,
was at a pool party.
All the kids were playing
in the water.
The adults were all around and having
drinks, barbecuing.
Somehow even with
all these people around,
this three-year-old child managed
to fall into the pool.
Nobody even noticed till finally
they found him floating face down
- in the water.
- (GASPS)
Brain dead.
Poor kid's in one of those padded
wheelchairs now.
Oh.
I can't get that story
out of my mind.
I don't know why.
(GROANING)
(PANTS, LAUGHS)
Happy birthday.
It's supposed
to rain down there,
so make sure that all the cellar windows
are closed.
- Okay.
- And make sure
you check the one
by Dad's wine rack.
- Okay.
- Easy, big fella.
- That Jacuzzi's bitchin'.
- Who is that?
That's Fran the waitress.
We're really busy down here.
- You're at work?
- Yes, I'm at the pizzeria.
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
The Jacuzzi
and the tub's fantastic.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
There's everybody.
Don't let us forget
to wash the sheets, okay?
Yeah, ha ha!
Anthony Jereboam Soprano.
What's up?
Tony seem to hit the hooch
a little at lunch today?
I think he's feeling
his age.
What do you think
it's like for me?
When we were kids,
he'd do whatever I said.
He ate one of Tippy's Milk-Bones
because I told him it was a cookie.
My therapist Sandy,
she said my Ma
was a splitter.
She'd pit us three
against each other...
to toughen us up,
I guess.
I couldn't help hearing
you with AJ.
God, you gotta walk on eggshells
with these kids today, huh?
We're almost through that phase,
thank God.
You're good with them.
Really? I wish
he'd go back to college.
He sleeps most nights
at Blanca's.
Speaking of kids and Ma,
Sandy said something
interesting...
that when we were babies,
everything was fine,
but Ma couldn't stand
that as her babies got older,
they separated from her.
When they started
to talk and express ideas,
that's when
the trouble started.
It wasn't that
she didn't love us.
Mmm-mmm!
You've been a solid
performer for some time now.
Plus, you're my
brother-in-law.
You get older,
you think about things.
You're a young man.
We both are.
- World's still in front of us.
- Balls.
My estimate historically,
80% of the time it ends up
in the can like Johnny Sack
or on the embalming table
at Cozarelli's.
Don't even say it.
No risk, no reward.
I mean, yeah, our line of work,
it's always out there.
You probably don't even hear it
when it happens, right?
Ask your friend
in there on the wall.
Listen to us.
Morbid fucks.
Come to think of it, you never popped
your cherry in that regard, right?
No.
Yet your old man was
the fucking Terminator.
I come close.
I done other shit,
but no.
A salut'.
It's a big fat pain
in the balls.
Especially now
with DNA evidence.
My pop never
wanted it for me.
He said there were times
with all the worry
that he wished he could
have stayed in the shop full-time,
just cut hair.
To be honest, I'd rather
he fucking shot me than cut my hair.
There's somebody I've been
bringing along to insulate myself
from the stuff that
could bring down a boss,
and take care of Carmela
too, in case...
God forbid.
Now maybe
between me
and this person...
there's diverging agendas.
- Sorry to hear it.
- It happens.
Thing is, the Newark
facilities manager,
he's gonna fix it so we do all the
window replacements
in the projects.
I was thinking maybe
you should work that.
I'm honored just
to be considered.
Then we'll see what
happens after that, long-term.
(SINGING BIRTHDAY SONG)
(CHEERING, LAUGHING)
- Time for presents.
- And grappa.
I told you people I didn't want
any presents, just...
Just a few kind words.
That was my father's line
every year.
I get the joke,
believe me.
"Soprano Home Movies."
I had all the Super 8s
from when we were kids transferred.
Oh, cool.
It's really
very thoughtful.
Thank you.
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, look at these.
Oh, look at this.
Tailor-mades, wow!
"To my husband:
You're not just a funny, smart, lovable,
good-looking guy.
- You're mine."
- Aww.
- Thank you, baby.
- Happy birthday.
Cent' ann', Anthony.
Oh, wait wait.
To have my health,
to be in this
beautiful spot
with people
that I love...
- I couldn't ask for more.
- Salut'.
(JANICE SINGING
ROCK SONG)
(SINGING CONTINUES)
('50S ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING)
Six.
Community Chest.
"Pay hospital $100."
Fuck me.
What are you doing?
It goes in the bank.
- We play the Free Parking rule.
- What Free Parking rule?
Money from Community Chest
and Chance goes into the middle.
Whoever lands on Free Parking
gets the money.
You show me that
in the rules.
Technically it isn't in the rules,
but a lot of people play it that way.
It adds a whole new level
of excitement to the game.
I don't agree with that.
When we were growing up
in our house, this is how we played.
You know, the Parker Brothers
took time to think this all out.
I think we should
respect that.
Fuck the Parker Brothers.
Just play the game.
Out of grappa.
How about some R?my?
- 9, 10, 11...
- Yay!
- Fuck.
- Marvin Gardens
with two houses...
360 simoleons.
Don't throw the money
at me. Hand it to me.
I saw that.
- Saw what?
- You just kyped $500 from the bank.
God damn it, Tony!
(IMITATES W.C. FIELDS) I beg
your pardon, my sweet little potato.
You asshole.
- Free Parking, baby.
- This is bullshit.
You take a game of skill
and you make it just about luck.
Are you listening
to this fucking crybaby?
How about I make up
my own fucking rules?
How about every time
I land on one of my properties,
I get $100.
How about that?
(MOCKING) How about that?
How about that?
Whose turn is it,
my turn?
It was mine.
Okay.
Here's $150.
I want to put a house
on Ventnor.
- Daddy!
- (CARMELA GASPS)
She wants to say
good night again.
- Aww.
- You gotta go to bed, baby.
Come here, my sweetie.
Yes, so if you go
to bed,
you know what?
Mommy will give you
a Willy Wonka Laffy Taffy.
- Laffy Taffy!
- Jan, we talked about this.
You tell me the difference
between bribery
and positive reinforcement.
That looked like
a bribe to me.
You know what, Uncle Tony?
Butt the fuck out.
In front of the baby.
They're in the kitchen.
Night-night.
I could tape you.
Send it to "Parents Magazine."
What's that supposed
to mean?
When we were kids,
remember?
You tape-recorded me
and Barb fighting.
You blackmailed us
for over a fucking month.
- I did no such thing.
- Oh! Yeah, you did.
- You fed him a Milk-Bone.
- You what?
You want to swap
family stories, Ton'?
How about the time
that Mom and Dad
were coming back
from the Copa?
That's enough, Janice.
And Ma's hair...
That never even happened. And anyway,
it's not for public consumption.
- Oh, my God, what?
- They're driving back from Manhattan
with Uncle Jun
and his goomar.
Oh, what was
her name, Tony?
- Your ass.
- That's how we heard the story...
through her. Rose Marie.
Anyway,
my father's driving,
and she's ragging on his ass.
You know how she'd get.
He'd been drinking,
I guess.
- And he takes out his gun.
- Oh my God.
- Boom!
- Holy shit.
Fucking blew it
right through
her beehive hairdo.
I can't believe you
never told me that story.
Yeah,
what's the big deal?
'Cause it makes us look
like a fucking dysfunctional family.
- Jesus Christ!
- My turn.
And don't you ever tell the kids that
about their grandfather.
Of course not.
So did you guys look at her hair?
Was there powder burns?
She had it bobbed
the next day.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
- Play the game.
- Okay okay.
Doubles.
Ah, one-two-three,
four-five-six...
Boardwalk...
I own it.
You blew guys
under it.
I roll again.
Okay.
"Second prize in
a beauty contest.
Collect $10."
Go ahead!
Make your stupid joke.
I got nothing to say.
Think I'll buy a railroad.
A German Shepherd's shaved
asshole won first prize.
Ho... you're talking
about my wife.
- You married her.
- This is my home.
No more talking
like that.
- It's okay, Bobby.
- Stay outta this.
You Sopranos...
you go too far.
All right. You know,
Jan, he's right.
I'm sorry.
I crossed the line.
- I apologize. It won't happen again.
- (DICE ROLLING)
My turn...
oh fuck, Income Tax.
(TONY SINGING
"UNDER THE BOARDWALK")
...with his schlong
in Jan's mouth...
- Oh, Tony!
- Bobby!
(CARMELA AND
JANICE SCREAMING)
No, stop!
What are you doing?
Stop that now!
(GLASS SHATTERING)
You fuck!
Tony!
Tony!
Stop it!
Ow!
Bobby!
What the fuck are you doing?
Stop!
Stop!
Bobby!
Mommy! Mommy!
What do we pay you for?
Put her to bed.
- Bobby!
- (NICA CRYING)
Tony... Tony,
are you all right?
Oh, Jesus.
(GRUNTING)
Come on... oh.
Bobby... stop.
Stop, you are
in no condition.
You'll kill yourself!
Fuck!
(CAR DOOR BEEPING)
(ENGINE REVVING DOWN)
(GASPING)
I'm okay.
Oh, my shoulder
is killing me.
Jesus-fucking-Christ,
Tony.
Is he all right?
Hold it, everybody.
Look, Ton...
I'm really sorry.
Bobby,
just shut up.
Let's all just
go to bed.
I'll go get some ice.
What the fuck were
you thinking?
You're my wife.
He insulted you.
I'm a big girl.
I can take care of myself.
Oh, God, he is
head of the family.
Do you think he's just gonna wake up
tomorrow and forget about this?
(TONY SNORING)
(COUGHING)
(TURNS KNOB)
What the fuck
are you doing?
You beat me
fair and square.
Come on,
let's just...
(RUSTLING OUTSIDE)
(BOTTLES CLINKING)
(GRUNTING)
Well, I hope
you're proud of yourself.
How's your shoulder?
- Great.
- Maybe we should have it looked at.
I'm packed.
I would like to go.
You were right. You told me
to ease up on the drinking.
You shoulda' insisted.
So now it's my fault?
Go wash your face
so we can leave.
I hope you're hungry.
I made a frittata.
And Ramos fizzes.
Well, thank you but we think
it'd be better if we left.
Not because of
last night?
It's for the best.
Come on,
we're family!
Jesus, these
things happen.
I really think we'd all
be more comfortable.
We had a little
too much to drink,
but no harm done.
The whole thing's already forgotten.
Besides, Tony, we have
that thing later. The Canucks.
It's a sin
to waste food.
Well, I don't know.
Here...
hair of the dog.
(DOCK BELL CLANGING)
(SIGHS)
(RADIO PLAYING
'50S ROCK)
...suicide car bomber
kills two U.S. soldiers...
(TUNING)
...west of Baghdad.
That makes five Americans
killed in Iraq over the past two days.
There are
more Iraqi deaths,
at least 29 bodies found
scattered around Baghdad today...
Fucking look at him
out there.
What?
I've seen that
sitting in the chair thing.
Come on.
People sit in chairs.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
The couple from
Verona never came back
to take a second look
at the house.
Meadow's staying in
this weekend to study.
Pediatricians aren't
the highest-paid doctors...
that's radiologists.
But still, what
a wonderful thing to be.
That fucking throw rug
hadn't been there, would've been
- Bobby on his back, not me.
- What?
I wouldn't have slipped.
I would have kicked his ass.
Jesus Christ,
do you think I care?
Oh, you don't, huh?
You were there...
that night in the crowd
in the parking lot at Pizza World,
when I took
Dominic Tedesco.
I didn't even know your name,
but I remember
our eyes met, and you
were blown away.
I was in fucking
high school.
I'm supposed to be turned on
by you beating up your brother-in-law
at your 47th birthday?
How old is Bobby?
42, 43?
You think those four years
don't make a difference?
You had it coming.
You get away with murder
because you're his boss.
Oh, really?
And how about the fact he wouldn't be
living in that fucking mansion
if it wasn't for me?
I had to sacrifice my entire
friendship with Johnny Sack
to get him and Janice
that house.
Funny how everybody
forgets that, huh?
They are grateful, Tony.
Jesus...!
You know, you and your sister,
you are emotionally blocked.
I'm old, Carm.
And my body has
suffered a trauma
that it will probably
never fully recover from,
so why don't we just
face the facts?
(GROANS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Yeah?
- Hey, T, it's me.
Just wanted to wish you
a belated happy birthday.
(NICA AND MERCEDES
SINGING)
(CAR TRUNK SLAMS)
We had a scare
last summer.
Guy down the road was fishing,
thought he caught a snakehead.
Yuck.
Thankfully, it was
only a bowfin.
- What's a snakehead?
- It's this horrible, ugly fish...
Tell you something,
Bobby.
We had this little tussle
a year ago,
before my injury...
This again?
Ton', I think
everyone here knows
you were at
a disadvantage.
I don't want to take
nothin' away from you,
but...
sucker punch is
a sucker punch.
So then it wasn't
fair and square?
I mean, make up
your mind.
I think we both know
what's what.
But forget about it.
I have.
Come on, Bobby,
let's go.
Where are
you two going?
Play some golf
with some people.
Oh, right.
Why don't you just hit
a few into the lake?
Bobby, come on.
You okay?
Could turn the air on.
I'm good.
Just I should have taken
a leak before we left.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(GIGGLING)
Oh, honey,
look at you go!
Mercedes, you didn't tell me
that you were taking her in the lake.
I'm watching her,
Miss Janice.
You're supposed
to tell me
whenever you take her
in the lake.
It's all right.
I'm here, too.
I don't want Nica
going in the lake
without my knowing.
(SIGHS)
Come on, you've been
in there long enough.
Nica, did you hear me?
I'm talking to you.
No!
- What did you say?
- (SCREECHES)
Nica, come over here.
- No.
- Don't tell me no.
Don't you ever
tell me no!
- Mad.
- You're not mad.
You have no right
to feel mad.
- I'll give you something to be mad about.
- (NICA CRYING)
Take her to the house,
and put her to bed now.
(CRYING)
She's never spoken to me
like that before... never.
- Probably needs that nap.
- That fucking Bobby Jr,
he's going through his
goddamn adolescence.
He's nothing but
lip and attitude.
She's imitating.
She's got
that pitch-perfect ear.
I'm a little hyper today.
Maybe it's these
estrogen pills.
Well, if you're
as hungover as I am...
That was some story
you told, though.
(LAUGHS)
My dad and the gun?
That alone was worth
the price of admission.
Oh, he was Nabolidan'
to his core, boy.
Mmm.
I had this boyfriend once...
one night he hit me.
Boy oh boy,
I blew my lid.
I completely exploded.
I'm more like my dad.
Than who?
Tony, for example.
So, what are you saying?
He's more like your mother?
No.
Listen, he's got that
temper too.
In the end he went
his separate way.
Who?
My boyfriend.
I'm not proud
of it, though.
Sounds like he deserved it.
(MOTORBOAT PASSING)
My mother, though,
she could lay out in
the weeds for days, years,
waiting to strike.
That verbal diarrhea,
when you got something in
that head of yours, Janice,
you give yourself away. What are you
saying about my husband?
What... what did I say?
I don't know what goes
on in your house,
but for your information, Tony has
never raised his hand to his children.
Nothing goes on
in my house.
- Or to me.
- Fine.
But you know what,
I take that back.
Once he slapped AJ,
and he felt horrible about it...
for days.
Bobby took advantage of him
last night
when Tony had had
too much to drink.
There is no excuse for the way
Bobby blindsided him.
Tony is not
a vindictive man.
What did I say?
(SCREEN DOOR OPENS)
(MUSIC PLAYING,
BILLIARD BALLS STRIKING)
You had a pretty good success
with the Lipitor, right?
Well, at this moment we could
also sell to you Fosamax.
Medication for...
osteo... osteporose, you know,
for the women, their bones.
Now, one month's
supply of Fosamax,
four pilules... pills,
sells for $70 U.S.
from the pharmacy.
We sell four pills
to you for $10 U.S.
- What, are they counterfeit?
- No no no.
They're true. They're
from Assurance Maladie,
but expiree...
like, old.
Change the date,
nobody knows.
How much... Fosamax
can you get?
20,000 pills
every three months.
There some way we could
get you to lower your price?
You already make
a big profit.
That's a good deal.
And we'll give you the first pills
in one week, Monday.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
What?
I cannot come
the week next
because ma soeur...
my sister,
she has problems
in the court.
She got a good lawyer?
Makes all the difference.
Her old husband, he wants to take
the child they have together
to Winnipeg, because
he's some drummer over there.
- Can you believe this?
- She never see her son.
Separate a child
from his mother?
I mean, what kind
of person does this?
I would give anything to be, you know,
debarasse of this shit.
To have him gone
from her life...
That's tough
talk, bon ami.
I'm really serious.
I tell you what:
you knock your price
down to 35 grande
and we'll see what we can do about
making your sister's custody problem...
go away.
And I'm not talking
about a lawyer, either.
Now, who does this?
You pay to some
drug addict?
No, somebody reliable.
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
We got to talk.
You'll take care
of this, right?
Sure.
No bow and arrows now.
- Ooh.
- (HONKING)
Nice, huh?
Bobby...
(LAUGHS)
Hi, hi.
Mwah!
Oh, how was the game?
Oh, you know,
he held his own, but...
Must have been
the new clubs.
- Yeah.
- Do you want to eat something?
No no, I figure we
should hit the road,
beat the traffic.
Okay.
You let him win.
Smart.
Drive carefully.
Here.
Thanks again
for my present.
Oh, wait till you see the shots
of Aunt Gemma from the '60s.
You forget what a beauty
she was before the steroids.
- Bobby, you're a wonderful host.
- It was our pleasure.
Goodbye. When Nica
wakes up from her nap,
give her a belly
smooch from us.
Okay. Bye.
(HONKS HORN)
He broke your balls
about the fight, didn't he?
No, he didn't.
(ZIPPING)
Bobby?
Where are you going?
- It's business, Jan.
- Now?
- Yeah.
- Well, when are you coming back?
I'm not sure.
A couple days.
A couple of days?
The Salernos are coming tomorrow.
Stop fucking nagging me.
I'll be back
as soon as I can.
(INDISTINCT
FRENCH RADIO)
(OBJECTS TUMBLING)
- Allo, Natalie.
- Salut.
- (BULLET TUMBLING)
- (COUGHING)
(NO SOUND)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yeah?
Some news about this
gun charge:
- it's not going away.
- You said they dropped it.
Essex County did, but now
looks like the feds took it over.
Fuck.
What happened to
"It's a piece-of-shit case"?
It is.
Unwinnable.
But fold it into a RICO,
it adds a predicate.
Good news is if they
had what they needed
we'd be having this
conversation through glass.
I gotta go.
('50S ROCK PLAYING)
Girls, let's do
the tea now.
Pour a little
for Jamie too.
- Bobby, finally!
- Hey, Bobby.
Daddy!