The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 4, Episode 3 - Christopher - full transcript

Columbus Day ignites tensions between Italians and Native Americans, and Bobby receives devastating news about his wife.

Oh, Massachusetts!

Listen to this shit.

"The New Jersey Council
of Indian Affairs has announced plans... disrupt Monday's
Columbus Day Parade in Newark.

Council Chairman Del Redclay,
professor of cultural anthropology...

Stop blowing your nose.
I wanna hear this.

...says council members
and supporters will lie down... the path of Columbus Day marchers,
quote, 'in protest of Columbus' role... the genocide of
America's native peoples, ' unquote.

To launch their protest, the Native
Americans and their sympathizers...

...plan to begin a deathwatch

...over the statue of Columbus
in Christopher Columbus Park."

Some fucking balls, badmouthing
America, especially now.

I thought Columbus was the hero
of America.

No. See, it's these Indians
and the commie fucks.

They wanna paint Columbus as a
slave trader instead of an explorer.

You gotta admit they did
get massacred, the Indians.

It's not like we didn't give
them shit to make up for it.

Land, reservations,
and now they got the casinos.

What the fuck we ever get
we didn't have to work for?

I wouldn't mind sitting on my ass,
smoking mushrooms...

...and collecting government checks.

You know what it is?
I'll tell you what it is.

It's anti-Italian discrimination.

Columbus Day is a day of Italian pride.

It's our holiday,
and they wanna take it away.

Fuck them.

But I never liked Columbus.

- Hey!
- Why?

In Napoli, a lot of people
are not so happy for Columbus...

...because he was from Genoa.

What's the problem with Genoa?

The north of Italy always have
the money and the power.

They punish the south
since hundreds of years.

Even today, they put up their nose
at us like we're peasants.

I hate the north.

Jesus, take it easy.

I'm gonna take action here.

Ro, gonna go to the church luncheon

It's on the subject of Italian-American
women and pride.

- I guess because of Columbus Day.
- Who's the star?

A woman professor
from Montclair State.

- Father Phil says she's very good.
- You should come, Adriana.

- Me?
- Yeah, come with us.

In the bingo room
at St. Peter and Paul's.

They have a series
of luncheons every week.

The food is good,
and the speakers have been fantastic.

Furio Giunta just bought himself
a little house in Nutley.

- He is so gorgeous.
- I'm surprised nobody's snapped him up.

- I think he should lose the ponytail.
- You do?

- I think it looks great on him.
- That's his trademark.

Sandi Fortunato says it looks
like a dick coming out of his head.

And she pretends to be his friend.
What a two-face.

How much money
did you make today, slut?

Three hundred.

That's all, bitch?

I'm gonna put you back
on the street, ho.

Make you work that ass.

Put me back on the street,
baby, yeah.

Work that ass, you little cunt.

Yeah, you work it, baby.

Mama's little tramp.
Mama's little whore.

- I'm gonna pimp you out, bitch.
- Yeah.

I gotta get that.


Oh, no, no.
Hi, Ro, how are you?


I can't hear you too good.

It must be your cell phone.
You in the car?

Oh, no, no. I'm coming home.


No, chicken's great.

No. Yeah, me too.


God, we're so naughty.

How can we do this
with Ro on the phone?


We're so wacky.

No regard for nothing, huh?

All right.

- Operator.
- Yeah, I'd like to make a collect call.

Area code 917...

- Speak.
- Collect call from Mr. Walters.

Okay, I'll take it, operator.

- How you doing?
- You know.

Thanks for the stamps.

- How you getting on?
- I feel old.


Listen, John...

...I just want to say, I hope your
feelings weren't hurt too bad...

...and that it never got back
to the missus.

- What the fuck you talking about?
- You didn't hear the joke about Ginny?

Never mind. Let it die a death.

What joke?

John, you're better off
not hearing it.

- Trust me.
- Fuck that! I demand you tell me, Paulie.

John, you got more laborers
on the job site than we got carpenters.

What's the problem?

The problem is the carpenters
are carrying Sheetrock and materials.

- So we ain't getting what we expected.
- Minimally expected.

Hire more laborers off the books.

Nobody's talking to you!

All right, Jesus.

Sixty-five, 35.


Johnny, you explain the other thing
I wanted to talk about.

Sure. Tony,
it's come to our attention... bought property
around Frelinghuysen Avenue.

- And turned it in a week.
- So?

You did it with inside knowledge
from Ron Zellman.

Come to your attention from where?

That property's hot because
of the Esplanade.

We share the Esplanade.
We share Zellman.

If the Soprano family's gonna benefit
from a thing...

...Carmine feels we should have too.

Okay, we'll work something out.


I've been your doctor for 30 years,
and you still hate the thermometer.

Tony, Furio's here!

Thank you for bringing those strufoli,
I love those.

Here's a few long-term bonds
I find effective.

Wouldn't it be great if the person
you trust most was your broker?

- Let's look at your allocation.
- We give advice that's objective...

and not driven by commission.

Call 1-800-7-SCHWAB
to set up a consultation... check the health of your portfolio.
And lay off the junk bonds.

- I got pictures of my new house.
- Oh, let me see!

Welcome back. We're here today
with our guest, Dr. Del Redclay...

...who's a professor of anthropology
at Rutgers University...

...and spokesman
for the anti-Columbus protest.

- Oh, my God.
- And also Mr. Phillip L. Di Notti...

It's lovely, Fur.

...president of the Coalition of Italian-
American Anti-Defamation Organizations.


- This thing gets on my nerves.
- Don't get me started.

Let's start with the idea of a parade
for a genocidal colonial general.

A national holiday, no less.

Such festivities
are deeply offensive to us.

These are broad charges.

All I know is...

...Italian-Americans are extremely
proud of Christopher Columbus.

Admiral of the ocean seas
and a great Italian.

You know well of the
compromise position we put forth.

Now, if you people wanna make
it an Italian-pride parade...

...we have no problem with that.

History does say
Columbus discovered America.

The America that put your people
in bondage for three centuries.

But every culture has had
to bear the pain... the making of what I think
we can all agree... a startling economic miracle.

- We cured polio.
- I have to agree with Phil.

- The right to vote.
- Exactly.

Take my grandparents.
Two simple people from Sicily...

...who braved the perilous
middle passage...

Middle passage?
That's the term for the slave trade.

Montel, the Italian people in this country
also have suffered discrimination.

Earth to Phil.

We're talking 300 years
of slavery here.


You okay, Tony?
You look a little moosha-moosh.

Uncle Jun's trial starts today.

First Soprano family trial
in 16 years.

We should go.

The guy's gonna be
at the other place.

Thank you for the cookies.

And congratulations on that house.

Oh, and I like the kitchen.

- Take a strufoli.
- No.

Be seated.

Next case on the calendar:

United States of America
v. Corrado John Soprano, et al.

Any applications
before I bring in the jury?

No, Your Honor.

These telephone charges
on your last bill?

Costs me 40 bucks every time
you pick up the phone.

I can't...

Twenty-three hundred eighty dollars
last month alone.

I'm going to give you
some instructions...

...and explain the process
by which we will try this case.

The first order of business...

Looking out at this audience
of proud, strong, beautiful women... far we have come
in this American journey.

Look how we've both preserved
the tradition of our ancestors...

...and managed to become
new Italian-American women.

Such flair we have added
to our image.

And yet America still sees us... pizza-makers and Mama Leones.

Well, it is your job, ladies,
to spread the word.

Our grandmothers may have
been dressed in black...

...but we're in Moschino and Armani.

For those who say Italian-Americans
eat smelly cheese...

...and sip cold wine...

...tell them we're from the land
of aromatic asiago and supple Barolo.

If they say
spaghetti and meatballs... tell them
orecchiette with broccoli raab.

If they say John Gotti... tell them Rudolph Giuliani.

A Princeton study showed
that 74 percent of Americans...

...associated Italian-Americans
with organized crime.

Why would they do this?

Because of the way
the media depict us.

Again, it is our job
to make sure people know...

...the other side
of Italian-American culture...

...the educated, wage-earning,
law-abiding side.

Because isn't that who we truly are?

Thank you.

Thank you, Professor Murphy...

...or should I call you
Professor Longo-Murphy?

"Longo" as you don't call me
late for dinner.

Small point. Didn't I read
about a more recent study... Fairleigh-Dickinson
that found the opposite was true?

That the great majority of Americans
recognize these are fictional portrayals?

We're still looking at the sample
selection criteria used in that study.

Well, thanks for an excellent talk.

And thank you all
for attending today.

Don't miss Professor Murphy's
new book:

The Sorceress
as Imago Figure in Italian Literature.

And stick around
for coffee and dessert...

...courtesy of Cocuzzo's Pastry Shop.

I'll say it.
That was totally uncalled-for.

- Father is forgetting who his friends are.
- It was outrageous. I'm shocked.

Everyone's entitled to their opinion.

How dare he?
After all you've done for this parish.

What are you gonna do?

Well, I'm gonna cut him a new one.

Gab, buongiorno. Vieni qua.

Father, I don't know what to say
I'm so upset.

- Why? What's wrong?
- What's wrong?

Carmela is one of your
biggest supporters and friends.

How dare you let her suffer
humiliation and embarrassment... the hands of an outsider?

- I don't know what you mean.
- Oh, you know exactly what I mean.

Because of her husband's
high profile in the waste industry...

...Carmela's the one who bears
the brunt of these insults.

But there were many of us
who were offended.

I am sorry.

This is an open forum.

You did hear me bring up
that new study.

If that's your idea
of a good speaker...

...I suggest you think about
who really keeps this parish alive...

...year after year.

The sight of your cities
pain the eyes of the red man.

A man in your cities is numb
to the stench...

- Go back to your reservation!
- Mussolini was Hitler's bitch!

Go back!

In the words of Chief Seattle:

"For the last red man
shall have perished...

...and the memory of my tribe...

...shall have become
a myth among the white man."

Take your tom-toms and get out of here,
you son of a bitch of a bastard!

"These shores, these woods.

The highway will swarm
with the invisible dead of our people!

The white man will never be alone!"

This is Newark, baby,
we don't play that shit!

And that better not be Columbus!

- Take it down!
- He's going to burn...

...the way our ancestors did!
Go sit down, cupcake!

We're not taking anything down!

I'm gonna fucking hang you up there!

Hey, break it up!
Break it up!

Break it up!

Hey! Hey! We will make arrests!

- What the fuck is this, Joey?
- They got a permit, Sil.

Everybody, come on, let's go!

- Everybody!
- I'll remember this, Joey.

- Get away from there!
- Hey!

Come on, come on. You too.

- Stay down!
- Let me go!

All right, we gotta go.
We gotta go.

Oh, shit.

Down with legislation!

What are you doing?
This is a peaceful demonstration here.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Everybody, get over here!

Get him out of here.

Orecchiette and broccoli raab,
you know, the truth is that is northern.

Armani too. And Michelangelo.

What a coward that man is.
He's always been a lily-liver.

No, he's sweet.

- What'd he say?
- He's all apologetic. I let him have it.

You did what you could.

I couldn't leave here
without saying something.

I gotta go.
I'm getting my new crown today.

- Bye-bye.
- I'll see you tomorrow.

Karen, bring Bobby and the kids
over for a cookout on Saturday.

- Hello?
- It's me, Dad.

- What's up, Bobby?
- Mom tried to call you.

She wants you to pick up some steaks
and eggplants before you come home.

She can't do it?

I'm stuck in traffic.
Now I gotta go to the store?

She had to go get some crowns
or something.

Your mother's a real pain
in the you-know-what sometimes.

When she gets home,
tell her I said thanks a lot.

If you can't find the recipe,
I'll ask Angie.

No, it's around here somewhere.


Hey, Gab.

What? When?

Oh, my God.

Oh, no!

Oh, God, that's terrible.

Yeah. Okay.

What happened?

Karen had an accident
on Pompton Avenue.

She's dead.

Oh, Carm.

I get home for dinner last night,
Gabby's sitting there devastated.

I just saw Karen
at ShopRite last week.

You talking about Karen?

Great kid.

This happened to this doctor I know.
Oriental ran right into him.

What's Bobby gonna do?
He adored that woman.

What you doing getting pinched
when this family's on trial?

- I'm sorry, Ton...
- And you went down there too.

- No.
- It was my idea.

What the fuck?

We got Little Paulie in St. Barnabas.
Plus, we lost face down there.

This is something that hits home.
I can't turn the other cheek on this.

I know, but we're running
a business here.

Don't you all got something to do?

What's with you? I count on you
to be the most level-headed guy I got.

My father was a Knight of Columbus.

I'm an Italian-American,
and I pay money... the Italian Anti-Defamation
Coordination Council in Bastia.

- We're the victims here.
- Oh, you write a check too?

Ton, let's not forget.

It was a friend of ours,
Joe Columbo...

...who founded the first Italian
anti-defamation organization.

- You were still out of line.
- You're right.

A hundred percent.


Well, as your consigliere...

...since you ask...

...I think the guys and myself too,
we need your leadership on this.

All right.

All right, good. I understand you wanna
do something, but use your brain.

Believe me, me and Ralphie
are working on a few things.

This battle's gonna be won
on the P.R. level.

Hearts and minds.

They manipulate your image,
Columbus... manipulate theirs.

All right.

- Who's calling, please?
- Good morning, assemblyman.

Hey, what's up?

Know this protest with
the Indians and Columbus Day?

Yeah, I heard about it.

We need somebody to make it go away.

Oh, boy, that's a tough one,
real hot potato.

Nobody wants to touch it.

We just want a peaceful parade
like we've had for years...

...with no interference.
What's wrong with that?

It's the First Amendment
and it's Native Americans.

Very sensitive stuff.

My hands are tied on this one.

- Sorry.
- Yeah, fine.

I will be attending the parade
as always.

You got my support there.

Wish that I could...

The last time that you dated a friend
and colleague of your brother's...

...he left you flat, disappeared into
the witness protection program.

- I know.
- Now...

...another man who works
with your brother...

...unable to meet your basic needs
for love and respect...

...involved with another woman.

Which brings me back
to my childhood...

...and my mother...

...and my father.
Now we're talking.

Where I had no love
and no support.

And where I was shamed
and ridiculed for being artistic.

In your relationship
with these men... have replaced your father
with your brother... a figure of authority
that you need to prove something to.

You set up these scenarios...

...with these men similar
to your father and your brother...

...seeking your brother,
i.e. your father's, acceptance.

- The hell with them.
- I know.

The work is to make new choices...

...that have nothing to do
with old patterns.

I want to, Sandy. I do.

God, give me the strength.

She will.

Your Star-Ledger interview conflicts
with Eye On New Jersey.

Del Redclay, right?
I knew it.

Yeah, I saw you on channel 21...
No, don't get up.

I'm Henry Caruso,
pleased to meet you.

- Now, this lovely lady.
- Maggie Donner, I'm Del's TA.

Yes. Yes, I can see that.

Well, I might as well get
to the point.

I represent a group
of concerned citizens who are...

...very upset about this protest
you're spearheading.

No puns intended.

- Who do you represent?
- Italians... in New Jersey.

Good people.

Family people.

And they've asked me to tell you
that it's not in your best interest... go through with this thing.

If you've come here to intimidate me,
you don't know about Indian resolve.

Del, should I call security?

You remember this guy?

Iron Eyes Cody, he was an actor.

Son of Paleface, Sitting Bull.

Your fucking poster boy.

Part Cherokee, part Cree.

He wasn't even a fucking Indian.

Second-generation Sicilian
from Louisiana named Espera DeCorti.

- Well, I think you better leave now.
- The guy's a total fucking phony.

A total fugazy.

Even Jay Silverheels knew it.

But he kept it quiet.

Well, we're not gonna.

You keep up your bullshit...

...we're gonna go wide with this thing.
Knock yourself out.

Jesus Christ, is this true?

This is a fucking disaster!

Chill out.
You didn't know about this?

- It's been on Access Hollywood, E!...
- This is a major P.R. boner.

It's been researched. Cody was definitely
Native American, total environmentalist.

- Are you sure about this?
- Look, Del, I'm one-eighth Italian myself.

You are? You never told me that.

My great-great something-or-other
was a pony soldier.

Well, actually, he was a violinist
attached to 7th Cavalry.

That is just one person's opinion,

What, football again?

He's not gonna get hurt,
he's a tough kid.


We're having a discussion
about Christopher Columbus.

"They would make fine servants.

With 50 men, we could subgate them."


"And make them do whatever we want."

- That doesn't sound like a slave trader?
- George Washington had slaves.

- The father of our country.
- Well, what's your point?

His history teacher, Mr. Cushman,
is teaching your son...

...that if Columbus was alive today,
he would go on trial...

...for crimes against humanity,
like Milo?evic in, you know, Europe.

- Your teacher said that?
- It's not just my teacher, it's the truth.

It's in my history book.

- You finally read a book and it's bullshit.
- Tony.

You have to walk in Columbus' shoes
to see what he went through.

People thought the world was flat,
for crying out loud.

Then he lands on an island with savages
on it. That took a lot of guts.

You remember when we went to Florida?
The heat? And those bugs?

Like it took guts to murder people.

- He was a victim of his time.
- Who cares? It's what he did.

He discovered America, is what he did.
He was a brave Italian explorer.

And in this house Christopher Columbus
is a hero. End of story.

I should've known.

I should've known you needed me.

I should've been with you.

I should've been in your place.

My love.

My sweet love.

Are you okay?

How he loved her.

It's cross-town, 68th Street.

You know what I heard one time?

Sil was on the phone.
He was talking with somebody...

...about how Bobby was the only one
of them who doesn't have a goomar.

They were laughing at him.

- Who was he talking to on the phone?
- I don't know.

I'll go first this time. I'll bring
my eggplant parma over to Bobby's.

Actually, tomorrow is better for me.

Ginny, hi. We were just talking
about who's gonna do what when.

I played canasta
with her just last week.

There he is. John, look...

...I'm sorry I missed Allegra's
nursing school graduation. Unforgivable.

But I made it up to her.

Stick it in your ass.

- Hey, Count Chocula...
- What the fuck, John?

Keep him away from me.

- John, what's going on?
- I don't wanna talk about it.

What's this?

I have no fucking idea.

But I got better shit to do.

You saw how it was with them
at dinner the other night.

Something's going on.

Plus, out of nowhere, Carmine's up my
ass on the Frelinghuysen Avenue bullshit.

Somebody's talking too much.

And it's costing me money.

Come on.

There's no release.

I'm surrounded by death.
My husband, my son, my friend.

- I don't know what to tell you, Ro.
- There's pieces torn out of me.

Chunks of me that are dead.

And look at me.
My youth, my looks, they're gone.


That's from not taking care
of yourself.

- Dwelling on all this stuff.
- It's not stuff.

Do you have any idea
what it feels like?

Do you?

It's not stuff. It's death, it's pain.

I'm having a lot of trouble
dealing with this.

- I don't know.
- You don't know what?

I don't think I can do this.

I don't think I can help you.

You need a lot right now and
I don't think there's anything I can do.

You can be there for me,
you can comfort me.

What about me?

- What do I get out of it?
- There it is. Right there.

What do you get?

How about your every need taken
care of. Sexually, everything.

All your shit!
It's all about you, isn't it?

It's not all about me, but I mean...

...let's be realistic.
Let's be realistic?

What? You wanna leave me?


Then get the fuck out.

- It doesn't have to be like this.
- How should it be?

How the fuck should it be?

Somehow Carmine found out
we were flipping properties... your take's a little less
than we talked about.

He makes an issue out of Zellman?

- What's this one called, Hesh?
- This is Pie-O-My.

Just broke her maiden at Belmont
last month. A lot of speed.

- I'm buying her.
- Cool, man.

- She's beautiful, huh?
- That's right.

Don't you know somebody over there
at Deerpark Casino in Connecticut... by the Mohonk tribe?
Yeah, Marty, my niece's husband.

This Columbus Day protest,
we need to make it go away.

What's wrong with freedom of speech?

You should hear my kid.
He calls Columbus a murderer.

- They wiped out my people.
- Cubans are from Spain.

Strictly speaking, they were Taino
Indians who got raped by Columbus.

That's right, Reuben.

Melanzane got Martin Luther King Day.

- I have sympathy for the red man.
- Why is that?

Jews, because of their history,
have common cause with the oppressed.

Some Indians were deliberately
given blankets tainted with smallpox.

Died like flies.

- No shit?
- Yeah, shit.

Yeah? You wanna talk
bioterrorism? Look who started it.

- Amen to that, my friend.
- That's right.

Christopher Columbus was
no better than Adolf Hitler.

Back up. Hitler?

Yeah. I'm not the only one
who thinks so.

Yeah, that Indian from the protest
who was whining about the wilderness...

...they had him on TV
and he called Columbus Hitler.

- Because it's true, man.
- You're talking out of your ass.

Columbus and Hitler?
You're trivializing the Holocaust.

Frankly, Reuben, if you got that kind
of covert anti-Semitism...

...I'd like you to leave my house.

- Anti-Semitism?
- That's right.

Fuck you too, my man!

Guys, come on. Reuben, Hesh,
you guys have been friends for years.

I'll call Marty up in Connecticut.
He knows a big Mohonk.

That cocksucker.

We're not tired.
I didn't spill food because I'm tired.

Don't argue, okay? Listen
to your Aunt Grace and Aunt Mary.

Do what they say.

- Say good night to your Aunt Carmela.
- Good night, Aunt Carmela.

- It's great your family could come.
- They're leaving tomorrow.

- Somebody's sick up there.
- Dad? Dad?

Dad, Sophia locked the door.

Should I get that?

He takes all my pencils.

- Baccalieri residence.
- Carmela, is that you?

- It's Corrado.
- Oh, hello.

How's my boy Bobby doing? He
knows I couldn't make it to the services.

- All right. He's upstairs with the kids.
- What a heartbreak, huh?

You know, I remember the first time
I met her like it was yesterday.

It was my birthday dinner
at Roman Gardens. I'll never forget it.

She said I looked like Pablo Picasso.

And I didn't even know
what Picasso looked like.

One day she showed me a picture
of him, and you know, she was right.

That's very touching.
Let me get Bobby.

I just wanna know if he's gonna pick
me up for court tomorrow.

Maybe you should let Bobby be. Think
about his needs instead of your own.

It's not me.
Please, don't villainize me here.

Murf goes to bed early, so I wanted to
call him now if I need him to drive me.

I don't wanna disturb him when he's
asleep. He's an old man, for God's sakes.


What the fuck are you doing?

We don't have to hide, baby.

I did it!

I told Ro.

- Told her about us?
- No. No, no, no.

I told her I didn't wanna be
with her anymore, and I left!

Now I can devote myself
to you completely.

Now there can be no more fear... more guilt.

- Just sex.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- You know what I want.
- Yeah, you want it all, don't you?

Oh, yeah. You need me, slut.

I need it all, baby.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit, tonight's my night. I gotta
bring food over to Bobby Bacala's.

You're on ziti patrol too?
Ro's got Thursdays.

Well, what should I do?

You could do me a solid, Tony.

Next time you see Hesh, remind him... granddaughter's bat mitzvah
present doesn't really work.

The bubble jet printer.
I don't like to keep hocking him.

He knows about it.

He said he lost the sales slip.

So, Marty, where is this guy?

There he is. What'd I say?
Right on cue.


- Where, behind the preppy guy?
- That's him.

Chief, I'd like to introduce you to my
friends, Silvio Dante, Tony Soprano.

The guy I was telling you about.

Chief Doug Smith.

Tribal chairman of the Mohonk Indians
and CEO of Mohonk Enterprises.

- An honor.
- Thanks for coming all the way here.

I had business in Manhattan anyway.

Not again.

Would you bring the gentleman
a Ketel One up, please?

So, chief, he told you about the shit
going down in Newark?

Small element, ruins it for the rest of us.

I've got a quarter-billion-dollar casino
and a huge Italian-American customer base.

Providence, East Boston.
Good people.

Our part of the world.
We're closer than Atlantic City.

This is a brand-new facility,
state of the art.

This fucking protest, they're burning
Columbus in effigy down there.

- They're gonna lay down in the parade.
- That's not gonna happen.

People like Redclay, they're out of touch.
They're in their ivory towers.

They don't understand the economic
opportunity that funds the community.

You should see the Olympic-size
swimming pool...

...this man put in the Deerpark
Reservation Rec Center.

Well, we all got kids.

We don't want to see
our heritage attacked, that's all.


Well, no offense, chief, but
you don't look much like an Indian.

Frankly, I passed most
of my life as white...

...until I had an awakening
and discovered my Mohonk blood.

My grandmother on my father's side,
her mother was a quarter Mohonk.

This happened when the casino bill
got passed, right?

- Better late than never.
- "Mohonk" if you love Columbus.

Sorry I didn't make it last night.

My Bible group had a potluck
for the homeless...

...and I was on clean-up crew, so...

Food, food, like that solves
all the world's problems.

Bobby, we've been neighbors.

I know that we don't talk much,
but if you want to, I'm here for you.

What is it?

That day...

...when she had the accident...

...I was stuck in traffic.

My son called because Karen wanted me
to pick up steaks and eggplants.

And I was mad at her for sending me.

I was tired.

I was mad at her.

But I was stuck in traffic
because of her accident.

She was up the road ahead of me
lying in twisted metal.

But I didn't know,
and I could've been with her.

I should've been there to help her.

But I was mad at her.

Oh, my sweet Karen.

My sweet girl.

Pass me the peppers.


Oh, yeah, just a second.

Ton, it's the Indian chief.

- Doug, how are you?
- Tony, I wish I had better news.

I struck out.
Redclay didn't go for it.

Ask about the Iron Eyes Cody thing.

Pretended he didn't know me.
You believe the son of a bitch?

Ask him about Cody.

- You ask about Iron Eyes Cody?
- He didn't give a shit.

It was some Internet rumor.

Most Native Americans,
they don't give a fuck.

It's like knowing James Caan
isn't Italian.

All right, well, it was nice meeting you,
and I appreciate the effort.

You gotta let me make it up to you.
Come on up, spend a day.

Sil, whoever you want.
High-rollers room, everything comped.

- Sure, that sounds good.
- Great.

What the fuck did he say
about Iron Eyes Cody?

Ralphie had it all fucked up.

It don't mean nothing anyway,
because it's like knowing...

...James Caan isn't Italian.

We think this guy Redclay's
fucking a graduate student.

- We hire a detective...
- I think it's over, Sil.

- Yeah, but all we gotta...
- It's over.

He had just lost his wife.

And he had so much sadness, you know?

So much love for her,
such complete and pure emotion.

I felt unworthy to even be
in his presence.

I was so moved by him.

And then I look at Ralphie.

You saw in this man the things
that you want in your life.


- Love.
- Yes.

Somehow I have to find a way... move away from the darkness
and toward the light.

What does this man do?

He works with my brother,
but he's not like the others.

Sandy, he's different, believe me.


But back to Ralph.

You've got to sit him down
and level with him.

Speak the truth, Jan.

But with the compassion and respect that
you're famous for. And say goodbye.

For his sake as well as yours.

You're right.

It's not his fault.

Roll me some numbers,
fearless leader!

- Coming at you.
- Yeah, six!

- It's all right.
- You had a great run, T.

You held the dice for quite a while.

Look at this operation.

Whenever I'm in these places I remember
my grandmother was part Fugahwe.

Maybe I should do something about it.

- Bullshit.
- No, no, it's true.

They were a nomadic tribe,
and they wander around...

...they get lost and they go,
"Where the Fugahwe?"

I see you gentlemen are having a good
time. You getting enough to eat?


Running out of my comps here.

Go find Marty,
he's on the floor somewhere.

Tony, can we talk a minute?
Buy you a drink?

Yeah, sure.

I wanted to give you a check
for Jason's tuition.


- The statement's up in my bedroom.
- Oh, that's okay, I trust you.

Oh, wait, is it 5:00?

I'm here at Christopher
Columbus Park in Newark...

...where this afternoon
violence broke out briefly...

...between Native American
demonstrators and members...

...of a coalition of 18 various
Italian-American pride organizations.

Get out of here! This is our day!
You hear that?

He fed our people to his dogs!

My God, this is tragic.

Could be scored
with Albinoni's "Adagio."



This is it, hon.

This is the last of the stuff
I had at Ro's.


Your shoes.


Didn't I ask you to take your shoes off
when you came in this house?


- Sorry, hon.
- You forgot.

So that's just it?
You fucking forgot!

Oh, fuck.

Get out! Get out!

My back, my back.

I'll kill you, you crazy bitch.

I'll kill you, you bitch.

- You crazy cunt!
- Get out!

It's gotta be on here somewhere.

Scuffle at the Columbus Day parade
in Newark.

Among those arrested was Native
American activist Del Redclay...

...who called the protest
an unqualified success.

Elsewhere, a blind river-rafter
is going to get her wish...

...after suing for a place
in the Colorado River...

I should've been there.

I would've been fucking there.
I forgot this was a Monday.

- Maybe we ought to whack this prick.
- Who the fuck are you kidding?

- All you thought about was blackjack.
- What?

You think this day in the country
was free, don't you?

Well, it wasn't.

Chief Smith wants Frankie Valli
to come up there and play a week.

That's what this whole fucking junket
was about.

- Frankie?
- Yeah, that's right.

That's why he buttonholed me,
goddamn it.

Bad blood with Frankie's manager.
So the chief wants me to call him... payback for him reaching
out to Redclay.

- You're gonna make the fucking call.
- I ain't seen Frankie for...

Tough shit!
You're making the fucking call!

You and this fucking parade already!

I don't know what you're so hot about.

They discriminate against Italians as
a group when they disallow Columbus...

Will you fucking stop?

Group. Group.

Whatever the fuck happened to Gary
Cooper? That's what I'd like to know.

He died.

You mean because he fought
the Sioux in those Westerns?

No, fuck that.

Gary Cooper.
Now there was an American.

The strong, silent type.
He did what he had to do.

He faced the Miller Gang when none
of those other assholes would help him.

Now, did he complain? Did he say:

"I come from this poor, Texas-Irish,
illiterate fucking background... leave me out of it
because my people got fucked over"?

T, not for nothing,
but you're getting a little confused here.

A, that was the movies.

What difference does that make?

Columbus was so long ago, he might
as well have been a movie!

Images, you said.

The point is, Gary Cooper...

The real Gary Cooper...

...or anybody named Cooper,
never suffered like the Italians.

The meddigan like him,
they fucked everybody else.

The Italians, the Polacks,
the blacks.

All right, if he was a meddigan
around nowadays...

...he'd be a member
of some victims group.

The fundamentalist Christians,
the abused cowboys, the gays!

- He was gay, Gary Cooper?
- No! Are you listening to me?

Hey. People suffered.

Did you? Except for maybe the Feds?

My grandparents got spit on
because they were from Calabria.

Let me ask you a question.
All the good things you got in your life...

...did they come to you
because you're Calabrese?

I'll tell you the answer.
The answer is no.

You got a smart kid
at Lackawanna College.

You got a wife who's a piece of ass,
at least she was when you married her.

You own one of the most profitable
topless bars in North Jersey.

Did you get all this
because you're Italian?

No, you got it because you're you.
Because you're smart.

Where the fuck is our self-esteem?
I mean...

That shit doesn't come from Columbus...

...or The Godfather
or Chef-fucking-Boyardee.

We gotta tiptoe around
the Indians though, don't we?

We can't call our teams the Braves
or the Tomahawks or the...

You take it up with Frankie Valli
when you talk to him.