The Six Million Dollar Man (1974–1978): Season 4, Episode 10 - A Bionic Christmas Carol - full transcript
After an accident at a NASA contractor, Steve uses his bionic abilities to convince the gruff, penny-pinching head of the company to change his callous ways.
FLIGHT COM:
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability to make
the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
Hi, Steve.
Merry Christmas, Oscar.
Fine, thank you. I'm sorry to
get you here so early, Steve.
That's okay. We're still having
lunch today, aren't we?
Lunch?
I'm afraid we have
a conflict for lunch, Steve.
Oscar, it's our annual
day-before-Christmas lunch.
I mean, you reconfirmed it yesterday.
How could you have a conflict?
Well, I don't have
a conflict, Steve, you do.
The Budge Company
has been developing...
an extended range life support
system for a landing on Mars.
I know. I read about it in the papers.
Yes, but the papers don't
mention the problem.
Little things seem to be
going wrong all the time.
We think it might be sabotage.
Well, that's very interesting, Oscar...
but tomorrow morning, I'm leaving for Ojai
to have Christmas dinner with my folks.
With a few minutes to pack,
you could be at the Budge office...
in, say, 2 hours and 45 minutes.
Why isn't Budge shut down
on Christmas like everybody else?
Because it costs money.
And between money and sentiment
with Mr. Budge, it's no contest.
Hey, that package.
Is that for me?
Oh, yeah, Oscar.
It's your Christmas present.
You're gonna love it.
That's terrific.
Thanks very much, pal.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
You once told me
how much you like modern art.
Merry Christmas, Oscar.
There you are, Crandall. 650 dollars.
Thank you, sir.
That's $50 more than
last year's Christmas bonus.
Should cover inflation.
That's very thoughtful, sir.
Mmm-hmm. Now if you will just
endorse it back to the company.
Uh...
This one time, sir.
Could I keep just a part of it?
See, the children haven't had a real
Christmas since...
You see, Crandall?
That's your problem. You're soft.
Worrying about Christmas instead
of trying to get this debt paid off.
Yes, sir.
What does this bring it down to, sir?
Mmm...
It's $8,725 and 37 cents.
Well, well, well.
We're really starting
to come out of the woods.
When do I get out of the woods, sir?
Mmm...
Figuring to continue at the same rate...
and throwing in your next two
Christmas bonuses...
a bit over two years.
There's no way of clearing it up before then?
I don't see how.
You're barely retaining
enough to live on, now.
Yes, sir.
Um, would it be alright if I went home
early this evening, sir?
It's Christmas Eve and...
Sorry, Bob.
I'll see Colonel Austin now.
SECRETARY: Yes, Mr. Budge.
Bring the car around to the
testing grounds and stand by.
Yes, sir.
Sorry I couldn't give you a heartier
welcome, Colonel Austin...
but I resent the fact that the O.S.I.
sent you to look over my shoulder.
Mr. Budge, there have been
reports of several problems...
Minor bugs.
Always happens with new projects.
Shakedown time.
Things will work out.
Yes, sir. It's just that anything less
than 100% safety factor...
on a life-support system,
is unacceptable.
Colonel, I know that.
I'm not a stupid man.
I didn't say you were...
Nor am I insensitive.
I know you didn't say that either.
But what people say and what they think,
are often times completely different.
And you have get where you are
by learning to assess the difference.
I see you've developed the knack, yourself.
Guessing what people have on their mind
even though they don't say it.
We seem to have a bit in common.
I think we'll probably get along very well.
You don't think that at all, Colonel.
You're thinking the quicker you can
get your business over with...
and get away from
this boring old windbag...
Ahh.
What do you think you're doing?
Oh, uh...
We figure Fred's gonna have to
spend Christmas in the tank...
we gave him something to look at.
I have thoroughly studied the specs
on our current contract...
and I failed to see where it
called for pine needles and tinsel.
This ain't off the budget, Mr. Budge.
We paid for the tree ourselves.
Did you, now? And you decorated it
on your own time?
I thought as much.
Get it out of here.
Tinsel and all.
And now, gentlemen, may we get back
to what is laughingly known as work?
Merry Christmas, Mr. Budge!
I suppose you'll want to see
our monitoring room.
Shouldn't this read .0053?
.0049 is within the acceptable limit.
But just barely.
It cuts down the safety factor...
Colonel Austin, the government
engineers set the standards.
Lam operating within them.
A fact which you are
perfectly free to check.
(WHIRRING)
Budge?
Yes?
Charlie.
Yes, Mr. Budge.
I can perhaps forgive the fact
that you are unable to read...
but can't you hear
the difference in pitch?
When was the last time
you monitored that?
I checked it personally at 4:28.
That was 22 minutes ago.
The specs clearly call for
a check every 15 minutes.
Get back to work.
We're a bit Shorthanded
because of the holidays.
I told the men every
half hour would handle it.
Does the equipment run
any differently on holidays?
Are the specs changed?
Does it need less supervision?
I can't keep keep a full crew
on double time for the holiday weekend.
I think we'd better scrub the tests,
then do a step by step analysis.
No, Colonel Austin, I will not.
In the interests of safety...
I'm interested in safety, sir.
I'm also interested in keeping
my plant operating at a profit.
If we scrub now, there will be
a five day lag for start-up...
plus the wasted six days
of the current test.
I realize there's an expense involved.
But you're thinking
that I can afford it.
You're thinking I probably
have enough money right now.
Something like that.
What does the word
"enough" mean, Colonel?
What are its limits, its parameters?
Just how much is "enough" of anything?
(ALARM SOUNDS)
Get the hatch open, quick!
It's jammed!
Clear out!
I'll have him blow it!
Blow the hatch!
(COUGHS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(COUGHING)
(ALARM STOPS)
Thanks.
(SIREN WAILS)
The doctor said he had a lot of
smoke inhalation, but he's got a chance.
It looks like you're gonna have to
shut down anyway, Mr. Budge.
No, sir!
Crandall, get me some water.
Get the maintenance crew
down here immediately.
And I want four sheet metal men,
three welders, the entire electrical crew.
Yes, sir.
And tell them to be prepared
to work through the night.
All night?
You sure that's necessary
necessary, Mr. Budge?
One day won't matter that much.
It's Christmas Eve, Mr. Budge.
Is it? How do you know?
The calendar.
Which calendar?
The Julian or the Gregorian?
Did you know that
the date wasn't picked...
until hundreds of years after
the beginning of Christianity?
Now that it has been picked...
BUDGE: By whom?
Some churches celebrate
Christmas thirteen days later.
Now if any of you would like
to pick your own day, well...
(CAROL SINGERS)
J‘ Remember Christ, our savior,
was born on Christmas Day J‘
J‘ To save us all from Satan's power J‘
J‘ When we were gone astray J‘
Crandall. Who are those people
and how did they get in here?
They're all from the mail room, sir.
They're finished for the day.
This is on their own time, sir.
Well, get them out of here.
Get them out of here.
And you tell anyone who thinks
there's something sinful...
about working on Christmas,
not to come back at all.
Okay, kids, hold it up.
(SINGING STOPS)
Sorry, kids.
You better go home.
Thanks anyway.
Merry Christmas.
There's not much you can do,
Colonel Austin.
If you like, Crandall will
drop you at your hotel.
I'd like to check back
when the men show up.
Whatever you say.
Come back after you've
dropped the Colonel off.
I want you on standby tonight.
Yes, sir.
The car is this way, Colonel Austin.
You can drop the military title.
Where to?
The Hotel Belvedere.
Where are you going
to have Christmas dinner?
Does the Belvedere
have room service?
Of course.
Then I guess that's it.
You mean you're going to have Christmas
dinner in a hotel room? Alone?
Well, I'll tell you,
It wouldn't be the first time.
You're going to do no such thing.
You're coming home with me.
But I thought you had to
get back to the plant.
I have to. But there's no reason why
you can't enjoy my wife's cooking.
I hope you don't mind.
I want to pick up a couple of
last minute things for the kids.
You sure it's the last minute?
According to Budge,
you still may have thirteen days.
Mind if I tag along?
Of course not.
How old are your youngsters?
Elsie's nine, Bob Jr.'s seven
and Cissy's five.
May I ask you a favor, Mr. Crandall?
On one condition:
that you drop the civilian title.
Okay, Bob.
Would you permit me to buy some
presents for your youngsters?
That's not necessary, Steve.
Oh, now wait a minute.
The single nicest thing
about Christmas is...
looking at the kid's faces as they
open up their Christmas presents.
You wouldn't want to cheat me
out of that now, would you?
I wouldn't think of it.
But would you mind
keeping it simple?
I don't want the kids to lose sight
of the real meaning of Christmas.
Sure.
(BELL RINGS)
Thank you.
You see that, Mickey?
What Crandall got his kids?
Yeah. He's got to be the slowest
guy with a buck in the world.
You'd think at least on Christmas
he'd open up a little.
Can't be he has no money.
That job as Budge's chauffeur
must pay pretty good.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Good afternoon, sir.
Merry Christmas.
And a Merry Christmas to you.
Would you wrap these for me?
Sure.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Kids? Nora?
Where is everybody?
Daddy! Daddy!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now calm down here.
Say hello and Merry Christmas
to Colonel Steve Austin.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you.
Nora? Nora?
I have the feeling that
she's in the kitchen.
And I also have the feeling...
I should have called and told her
I'm bringing home a guest.
Now, if we can just
put these under your tree.
Don't you have a tree?
We could have one if we wanted.
Daddy says Christmas trees
are a waste of money.
There's a big one in the town square.
There's no reason to have your own.
You know, kids, sometimes Christmas
trees don't really have to cost anything.
Did you know that on Christmas...
more wishes come true
than at any other time?
Sure. Everyone knows that.
Tell you what.
You come sit on the steps over here.
Now you close your eyes
and you wish real hard.
Wish for two minutes.
And no peeking.
'Cause if it isn't a surprise,
then the wish doesn't work.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
The ornaments are five years old,
but they haven't gone out of style.
You're lucky you didn't
throw them out.
Have you ever heard of anyone
throwing out Christmas ornaments?
Cissy, I don't think you've
thanked Uncle Steve.
I better be getting
back to the plant.
Tell you what.
Why don't you stay here...
and have Christmas Eve dinner
with your family for once...
and I'll pick up Budge.
Thanks, Steve.
But that just won't work.
Don't be silly.
Why would he care who drives?
I said no.
Bob... Um, children, will you please
go upstairs at once and play.
Uncle Steve will be staying for dinner.
No complaining.
Come on.
You can talk to him later.
NORA: Up you go.
I'm sorry, Steve.
But this is the way it has to be.
I have to go to the plant anyway.
Why don't you at least let me call him?
Colonel Austin, let him go.
Please come and sit down.
I suppose we owe
you an explanation.
You don't owe me anything.
Bob wasn't always Budge's chauffeur.
He used to be his accountant.
Four years ago, I was very ill,
and I needed very expensive medical care.
Much more than we could afford.
Bob went to his uncle for help.
He didn't tell you Horton Budge
was his uncle, did he?
No.
Budge refused to help.
So, Bob helped himself.
Well, in his heart and mind,
he thought of it as a loan.
But to be quite truthful,
embezzled is the legal term.
And Budge found the
shortage in the books.
Budge realized that it didn't
make sense to send Bob to jail.
So he made a deal with him.
He rehired him as his chauffer.
And now he deducts a major part of his
salary, plus interest, until the debt's paid.
That doesn't explain why
I couldn't drive for Bob tonight.
That's punishment for what Bob did.
Budge doesn't consider the mere repayment
of the loan makes up for the crime.
He keeps Bob on call constantly,
whether he's going to be needed or not.
In spite of how he acted tonight,
he appreciated your offer you know.
Well, it's way past dinner time
and I haven't got anything started.
You and the kids must be starving.
"'Before I draw nearer to that stone
to which you point', said Scrooge..."
"'answer me one question."
"Are these the shadows
of the things that will be...
"or are they the shadows
of things that May be, only?"'
"Still the ghost pointed downward
to the grave by which it stood."
Whose grave is it, really?
It's Ebenezer Scrooge's own grave.
But how could he look at his own grave?
Because he's not really dead, silly.
Is he just dreaming?
It's not really a dream, either.
The ghost is just showing him what can
happen if he doesn't live a better life.
Come on down.
Your mom has dinner ready.
Are you sure you're all right, sir?
Certainly. Certainly, I'm all right.
Just help me up the stairs.
I'll take some more of my medicine
and... and I'll be fine.
I don't know how to thank you,
Mrs. Crandall.
We thank you.
I can't remember when
I've seen the children...
take to anyone the way
they have to you.
But kids, now it's time that
you started taking your baths...
and getting ready for bed.
Why?
Well, you wanna look nice
for Santa Claus, don't you?
It's alright. He won't come.
Of course he will.
Santa Claus comes to
every house, every year.
Not to our house, he doesn't.
Well, this year, it's going to
be a little different.
You really think so?!
I just want to pull his beard.
Maybe he'll let you do that.
Yes, I think Santa Claus is
going to visit you all this year.
You mean the Santa
outside the store?
The guy who collects money
for poor people?
He's not really Santa Claus.
He's old Mr. Webley.
He's the janitor at our school.
No. I have a hunch the real
Santa Claus is going to show up.
And now, if you'll excuse me,
I better be getting back to the plant.
The crew will be starting up by now.
Why don't you wait until Bob
gets back and he can drive you.
Its a lovely night for a walk.
A walk!? It's over three miles!
Well, after a dinner like that,
I need the exercise.
Alright, kids. Off to take your baths.
KIDS: Aw!
Come on.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BELL RINGING)
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, sir.
Are you Mr. Webley?
For the other 364 days
of the year, yes.
I guess tonight's your last night, huh?
That's right.
How much you figure you'll take in
between now and closing time?
Well, if I'm lucky... lucky,
I can pick up another eight or ten dollars.
Why?
Well, I'd like to rent your
suit for the evening.
Would $25 cover it?
25... That'll buy it until next Christmas!
Tell you what. I gotta buy some presents.
I'll meet you inside.
Right.
Figure out what caused
the malfunctions?
I can't even figure out
how you got the door off.
Probably substandard metal.
It seemed to bend pretty easy.
That's what I thought.
But the material's within the
tolerance set in the job contract.
Well within?
Just barely.
Charlie?
I want a complete copy
of the specifications laid out...
for the materials that
went into this project.
And I want a sample of
each one of those materials.
Sure, Colonel Austin.
Anything else?
The most accurate mechanical and
electronic testing equipment you have....
and a place to work.
You got it!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Find the trouble?
Substandard material?
None.
All the materials meets
the standards, just barely.
If one or even several of
the components had been built...
to the lower level of the specifications,
there wouldn't have been a problem.
But Budge used the lowest allowable
standards on every single component.
That's old man Budge's operation.
He never tries to get away with
anything below contractual specs.
He's honest, but greedy.
His honest greediness
almost killed a man today.
Where is he?
He went home.
He wasn't feeling too well.
He's going to be
feeling a lot worse.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Steve. What're you doing here?
I've got to talk to Budge.
I just helped him get to bed.
I'm worried about him.
Yeah, so am I.
He looks pretty sick to me.
He lives alone.
I didn't want to leave him...
but, well, he sent me out
to get his prescription refilled.
That's alright. You go ahead.
I'll look after him.
I gotta talk to him anyway.
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
(CAR STARTS)
Alright! Alright! I'm coming!
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Help me!
BUDGE: Help me, someone!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Help me!
Help me, someone!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BUDGE MOANS)
Do either of you know
if he took all of his medicine?
He's been taking it all day.
He drank the last of it just
before he became really ill.
He just sent me out for a refill.
(SIGHS)
No more than a teaspoon a day,
I told him.
You know, there's some patients who think
that if a little is good, more is better.
Is that what's wrong with him?
Well, from the symptoms, the delirium
and hallucination...
I'd say that's his problem.
He keeps raving about falling
off that railing down below.
Just before you came, he was mumbling
something about being dead.
He's still talking like that.
He claims that when he fell...
he landed straight in the arms
of the angel of death.
Is he going to be all right?
He's going to hallucinate
pretty badly for the next three hours.
The over-dose was bad enough.
Unfortunately, the antidote that I've
given him also contains a sedative.
Can you stay with him?
No. Holidays are
a pretty busy time for me.
People have a knack
for getting into trouble.
I have to get back to the hospital.
What do you want us to do?
Basically, I want keep him from
falling asleep for the next three hours.
He might go into a coma if he does.
Here's where I'll be.
After about ten minutes when
the antidote takes hold...
Then you can let him sleep.
Good night.
Good night.
(BUDGE MOANS)
Oh, why did I have to die?
I wasn't really bad.
(BUDGE MOANS)
Oh, I never cheated.
I never stole, I never lied.
Just an edge. An honest edge.
That's all I ever took.
You can go, Steve.
He's my boss, my uncle,
and my problem.
I'll stay with him.
No, no. I want you to spend
Christmas Eve with your family.
Besides, I got an idea.
First I gotta make a phone call,
couple other things to do.
Just give me five minutes.
(BUDGE MOANS)
I never really hurt anyone.
Never really helped anyone, either.
Huh? Huh?
(PHONE RINGS)
Yes, Steve?
Oscar, I think I found the problem.
Sabotage?
No.
OSCAR: Good.
Not so good. There may not be
anything we can do about it.
What do you mean?
Budge is cutting down on the specs,
but all within his legal contract limits.
Well, how can that happen, Steve?
The contract was
drawn up a bit too soft.
I guess no one expected that every single
spec would be shaved to the lower limit.
Can we close him down, pay him off,
and start over with another company?
Not really. We're three months into this
contract and we're running out of time.
Alright then, hang on,
I'll see what I can do.
Do you need any help?
I think I have help.
I ran into an old friend named Dickens.
He seems to have some bright ideas.
Dickens?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
How's he doing?
Could you give me a hand, Steve?
The doctor said he should be
on his feet, in ten minutes.
Hey... what's all this about?
I was going to play Santa
to your children.
But I think Budge here
needs it even more.
(BUDGE MOANS)
Bob, why don't you go on home?
I can handle it from here on.
Well thanks, Steve.
And Merry Christmas.
Oh. Bah Humbug.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
I hate to do this, Mr. Budge...
but the doctor said is was
important for you to stay awake.
(MOANING)
You're trying to trick me.
There's no Santa Claus.
What?
There's no final date.
It's blank.
Am I dreaming?
Tell me, please,
is this a warning?
Do I get another chance, or...
Or am I really dead?
(CAROLERS SING)
J‘ Oh, come all ye faithful J‘
J‘ Joyful and triumphant J‘
J‘ Oh come, ye, oh come, ye J‘
J‘ to Bethlehem J‘
J‘ Come and behold him J‘
J‘ Born the king of angels J‘
J‘ Oh come let us adore him J‘
J‘ Oh come let us adore him J‘
J‘ Oh come let us adore him J‘
J‘ Christ the lord J‘
(CAROLERS CONTINUE)
It is pretty, isn't it?
Where are we going now?
BOB: I'm worried about him,
Nora, I really am.
NORA: About him? You think
he's worth worrying about?
The doctor said I shouldn't
leave him alone.
You didn't leave him alone.
Steve's with him.
Steve is a stranger.
We're family.
He doesn't seem
to remember that.
But he was sick.
BOB: Very sick.
When I was sick,
did he worry about me?
I didn't realize how sick she was.
Believe me. I would have helped.
I always thought women made
too much of every little ache.
Do you really wish him ill?
No.
I think I pity him.
Whatever small meanness he possesses,
seems to carry its own punishment.
He's a lonely, unhappy man.
And tonight of all nights,
we should wish him well.
You see? They carry me no grudge.
They wish me well!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
BOB JR.: Why did Uncle Steve go away?
ELSIE: He had to go to work.
Does he work at night?
I think he was working
in Uncle Horton's factory.
Is Uncle Steve coming back
for Christmas tomorrow?
Maybe not.
He's not our real uncle
anyway, you know.
But he bought us presents.
Uncle Horton is our uncle,
and he never buys us presents.
That doesn't matter.
Sometimes someone loves you,
and they just don't buy presents.
But he never comes
to see us, either.
Does Uncle Horton love us?
Of course he does, Cissy.
He's our uncle, isn't he?
And we love him, don't we?
Oh, little Elsie, I do love you.
I love you all.
And if this is a dream...
and if I do ever wake up...
I'll show you.
Please, God, let it be a dream.
(MOANING)
Why did I have to die?
BUDGE: Why couldn't I have
had one more chance? Oh...
(MOANING)
Colonel Austin?
What are you doing here?
You were sick last night.
The doctor said you
weren't to be left alone.
Oh, I'll say I was sick.
Do you know that I dreamt...
Huh. I dreamt that I died?
At least... at least I think
it was a dream.
Yes, yes, a dream.
A silly dream.
Well, it was good of you
to sit up with me all night.
I had nowhere to go, anyway.
By the way, Merry Christmas.
That's right, today is Christmas, isn't it?
No matter.
There's a lot of work
to be done today.
We'd best be getting
down to the plant.
Mr. Budge, did you ever think
about spending Christmas...
with your family, instead of working?
Family? I have no family.
What about Crandall, your chauffeur.
I thought he was related to you.
Distantly.
Your sister's son?
I would say that's pretty close.
And those three lovely
children of his.
Sentimental nonsense,
Colonel Austin.
One does not either like or associate
with people because of an accident of birth.
One should be able to choose
the people with one...
(CAROLERS SING)
J‘ Oh, come all ye faithful J‘
NORA (VO): When I was sick,
did he worry about me?
BOB (VO): Oh now, Nora.
Do you really wish him ill?
CISSY(VO): Does Uncle Horton love us?
ELSIE (VO): Of course he does, Cissy.
BUDGE (VO): Please, God,
let it be a dream.
STEVE: Mr. Budge?
Yes?
Anything wrong, Mr. Budge?
Colonel Austin,
we have a lot of work to do.
First, I have to call the hospital.
About Fred? The man who
was hurt during the test?
Through no fault of mine.
I called.
The doctor said he's going
to need a lot of special treatment.
Good! We'll get right over there...
and see that he gets everything
he needs for a speedy recovery.
And then we'll go to the plant?
Have you no Christmas spirit, sir?
First, we call the plant, shut them down,
and send everyone home.
Then I have quite a bit
of shopping to do.
What's this all about, Mr. Budge?
I think, Colonel Austin,
I've been given another chance.
(FAMILY CHATTER)
BOB: Hello, Cissy.
How are you, Cissy?
What's your name?
Cissy.
That's right.
(SLEIGH BELLS)
(KNOCKING)
I'll get it.
(SLEIGH BELLS STOP)
Thanks for lending me the suit,
but I feel ridiculous.
You look great.
Well, what do I do now?
Just "Ho, ho, he" and all that.
You sure kids today go for this?
I'll check.
Kids, we have a choice to make.
Of all the people who have
never come visit you...
who would you like
to see this very minute?
Uncle Budge? Or Santa Claus?
ALL: Santa Claus!
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry, merry, merry Christmas.
Oh, boy!
Oh!
Oh, wait, wait, I...
I almost forgot.
Something for Momma and Poppa.
Don't even bother to open it.
Just tear it up...
It's that kind of present!
(INTERCOM BUZZES)
Yes?
Colonel Austin to see you, sir.
Send him in.
Hello, Steve.
Welcome home.
Good trip?
I know it was successful.
Oh, it was excellent.
Once I straightened Budge out...
he even had his private jet
fly me home to Ojai.
I got a call from a man named Crandall.
He's Budge's new accountant.
He said since you upgraded the specs...
they're gonna lose money
on that contract.
With what he'll save on medicine,
he'll break even.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
There you are, Oscar.
Good as new.
Well.
By the way, I don't remember getting
a Christmas present from you.
You know, that's right.
But I thought about it a lot.
Yeah well, it's the thought
that counts, Oscar.
Merry Christmas.
Thanks, Oscar.
(END THEME MUSIC)
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability to make
the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
Hi, Steve.
Merry Christmas, Oscar.
Fine, thank you. I'm sorry to
get you here so early, Steve.
That's okay. We're still having
lunch today, aren't we?
Lunch?
I'm afraid we have
a conflict for lunch, Steve.
Oscar, it's our annual
day-before-Christmas lunch.
I mean, you reconfirmed it yesterday.
How could you have a conflict?
Well, I don't have
a conflict, Steve, you do.
The Budge Company
has been developing...
an extended range life support
system for a landing on Mars.
I know. I read about it in the papers.
Yes, but the papers don't
mention the problem.
Little things seem to be
going wrong all the time.
We think it might be sabotage.
Well, that's very interesting, Oscar...
but tomorrow morning, I'm leaving for Ojai
to have Christmas dinner with my folks.
With a few minutes to pack,
you could be at the Budge office...
in, say, 2 hours and 45 minutes.
Why isn't Budge shut down
on Christmas like everybody else?
Because it costs money.
And between money and sentiment
with Mr. Budge, it's no contest.
Hey, that package.
Is that for me?
Oh, yeah, Oscar.
It's your Christmas present.
You're gonna love it.
That's terrific.
Thanks very much, pal.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
You once told me
how much you like modern art.
Merry Christmas, Oscar.
There you are, Crandall. 650 dollars.
Thank you, sir.
That's $50 more than
last year's Christmas bonus.
Should cover inflation.
That's very thoughtful, sir.
Mmm-hmm. Now if you will just
endorse it back to the company.
Uh...
This one time, sir.
Could I keep just a part of it?
See, the children haven't had a real
Christmas since...
You see, Crandall?
That's your problem. You're soft.
Worrying about Christmas instead
of trying to get this debt paid off.
Yes, sir.
What does this bring it down to, sir?
Mmm...
It's $8,725 and 37 cents.
Well, well, well.
We're really starting
to come out of the woods.
When do I get out of the woods, sir?
Mmm...
Figuring to continue at the same rate...
and throwing in your next two
Christmas bonuses...
a bit over two years.
There's no way of clearing it up before then?
I don't see how.
You're barely retaining
enough to live on, now.
Yes, sir.
Um, would it be alright if I went home
early this evening, sir?
It's Christmas Eve and...
Sorry, Bob.
I'll see Colonel Austin now.
SECRETARY: Yes, Mr. Budge.
Bring the car around to the
testing grounds and stand by.
Yes, sir.
Sorry I couldn't give you a heartier
welcome, Colonel Austin...
but I resent the fact that the O.S.I.
sent you to look over my shoulder.
Mr. Budge, there have been
reports of several problems...
Minor bugs.
Always happens with new projects.
Shakedown time.
Things will work out.
Yes, sir. It's just that anything less
than 100% safety factor...
on a life-support system,
is unacceptable.
Colonel, I know that.
I'm not a stupid man.
I didn't say you were...
Nor am I insensitive.
I know you didn't say that either.
But what people say and what they think,
are often times completely different.
And you have get where you are
by learning to assess the difference.
I see you've developed the knack, yourself.
Guessing what people have on their mind
even though they don't say it.
We seem to have a bit in common.
I think we'll probably get along very well.
You don't think that at all, Colonel.
You're thinking the quicker you can
get your business over with...
and get away from
this boring old windbag...
Ahh.
What do you think you're doing?
Oh, uh...
We figure Fred's gonna have to
spend Christmas in the tank...
we gave him something to look at.
I have thoroughly studied the specs
on our current contract...
and I failed to see where it
called for pine needles and tinsel.
This ain't off the budget, Mr. Budge.
We paid for the tree ourselves.
Did you, now? And you decorated it
on your own time?
I thought as much.
Get it out of here.
Tinsel and all.
And now, gentlemen, may we get back
to what is laughingly known as work?
Merry Christmas, Mr. Budge!
I suppose you'll want to see
our monitoring room.
Shouldn't this read .0053?
.0049 is within the acceptable limit.
But just barely.
It cuts down the safety factor...
Colonel Austin, the government
engineers set the standards.
Lam operating within them.
A fact which you are
perfectly free to check.
(WHIRRING)
Budge?
Yes?
Charlie.
Yes, Mr. Budge.
I can perhaps forgive the fact
that you are unable to read...
but can't you hear
the difference in pitch?
When was the last time
you monitored that?
I checked it personally at 4:28.
That was 22 minutes ago.
The specs clearly call for
a check every 15 minutes.
Get back to work.
We're a bit Shorthanded
because of the holidays.
I told the men every
half hour would handle it.
Does the equipment run
any differently on holidays?
Are the specs changed?
Does it need less supervision?
I can't keep keep a full crew
on double time for the holiday weekend.
I think we'd better scrub the tests,
then do a step by step analysis.
No, Colonel Austin, I will not.
In the interests of safety...
I'm interested in safety, sir.
I'm also interested in keeping
my plant operating at a profit.
If we scrub now, there will be
a five day lag for start-up...
plus the wasted six days
of the current test.
I realize there's an expense involved.
But you're thinking
that I can afford it.
You're thinking I probably
have enough money right now.
Something like that.
What does the word
"enough" mean, Colonel?
What are its limits, its parameters?
Just how much is "enough" of anything?
(ALARM SOUNDS)
Get the hatch open, quick!
It's jammed!
Clear out!
I'll have him blow it!
Blow the hatch!
(COUGHS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(COUGHING)
(ALARM STOPS)
Thanks.
(SIREN WAILS)
The doctor said he had a lot of
smoke inhalation, but he's got a chance.
It looks like you're gonna have to
shut down anyway, Mr. Budge.
No, sir!
Crandall, get me some water.
Get the maintenance crew
down here immediately.
And I want four sheet metal men,
three welders, the entire electrical crew.
Yes, sir.
And tell them to be prepared
to work through the night.
All night?
You sure that's necessary
necessary, Mr. Budge?
One day won't matter that much.
It's Christmas Eve, Mr. Budge.
Is it? How do you know?
The calendar.
Which calendar?
The Julian or the Gregorian?
Did you know that
the date wasn't picked...
until hundreds of years after
the beginning of Christianity?
Now that it has been picked...
BUDGE: By whom?
Some churches celebrate
Christmas thirteen days later.
Now if any of you would like
to pick your own day, well...
(CAROL SINGERS)
J‘ Remember Christ, our savior,
was born on Christmas Day J‘
J‘ To save us all from Satan's power J‘
J‘ When we were gone astray J‘
Crandall. Who are those people
and how did they get in here?
They're all from the mail room, sir.
They're finished for the day.
This is on their own time, sir.
Well, get them out of here.
Get them out of here.
And you tell anyone who thinks
there's something sinful...
about working on Christmas,
not to come back at all.
Okay, kids, hold it up.
(SINGING STOPS)
Sorry, kids.
You better go home.
Thanks anyway.
Merry Christmas.
There's not much you can do,
Colonel Austin.
If you like, Crandall will
drop you at your hotel.
I'd like to check back
when the men show up.
Whatever you say.
Come back after you've
dropped the Colonel off.
I want you on standby tonight.
Yes, sir.
The car is this way, Colonel Austin.
You can drop the military title.
Where to?
The Hotel Belvedere.
Where are you going
to have Christmas dinner?
Does the Belvedere
have room service?
Of course.
Then I guess that's it.
You mean you're going to have Christmas
dinner in a hotel room? Alone?
Well, I'll tell you,
It wouldn't be the first time.
You're going to do no such thing.
You're coming home with me.
But I thought you had to
get back to the plant.
I have to. But there's no reason why
you can't enjoy my wife's cooking.
I hope you don't mind.
I want to pick up a couple of
last minute things for the kids.
You sure it's the last minute?
According to Budge,
you still may have thirteen days.
Mind if I tag along?
Of course not.
How old are your youngsters?
Elsie's nine, Bob Jr.'s seven
and Cissy's five.
May I ask you a favor, Mr. Crandall?
On one condition:
that you drop the civilian title.
Okay, Bob.
Would you permit me to buy some
presents for your youngsters?
That's not necessary, Steve.
Oh, now wait a minute.
The single nicest thing
about Christmas is...
looking at the kid's faces as they
open up their Christmas presents.
You wouldn't want to cheat me
out of that now, would you?
I wouldn't think of it.
But would you mind
keeping it simple?
I don't want the kids to lose sight
of the real meaning of Christmas.
Sure.
(BELL RINGS)
Thank you.
You see that, Mickey?
What Crandall got his kids?
Yeah. He's got to be the slowest
guy with a buck in the world.
You'd think at least on Christmas
he'd open up a little.
Can't be he has no money.
That job as Budge's chauffeur
must pay pretty good.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Good afternoon, sir.
Merry Christmas.
And a Merry Christmas to you.
Would you wrap these for me?
Sure.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Kids? Nora?
Where is everybody?
Daddy! Daddy!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now calm down here.
Say hello and Merry Christmas
to Colonel Steve Austin.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you.
Nora? Nora?
I have the feeling that
she's in the kitchen.
And I also have the feeling...
I should have called and told her
I'm bringing home a guest.
Now, if we can just
put these under your tree.
Don't you have a tree?
We could have one if we wanted.
Daddy says Christmas trees
are a waste of money.
There's a big one in the town square.
There's no reason to have your own.
You know, kids, sometimes Christmas
trees don't really have to cost anything.
Did you know that on Christmas...
more wishes come true
than at any other time?
Sure. Everyone knows that.
Tell you what.
You come sit on the steps over here.
Now you close your eyes
and you wish real hard.
Wish for two minutes.
And no peeking.
'Cause if it isn't a surprise,
then the wish doesn't work.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
The ornaments are five years old,
but they haven't gone out of style.
You're lucky you didn't
throw them out.
Have you ever heard of anyone
throwing out Christmas ornaments?
Cissy, I don't think you've
thanked Uncle Steve.
I better be getting
back to the plant.
Tell you what.
Why don't you stay here...
and have Christmas Eve dinner
with your family for once...
and I'll pick up Budge.
Thanks, Steve.
But that just won't work.
Don't be silly.
Why would he care who drives?
I said no.
Bob... Um, children, will you please
go upstairs at once and play.
Uncle Steve will be staying for dinner.
No complaining.
Come on.
You can talk to him later.
NORA: Up you go.
I'm sorry, Steve.
But this is the way it has to be.
I have to go to the plant anyway.
Why don't you at least let me call him?
Colonel Austin, let him go.
Please come and sit down.
I suppose we owe
you an explanation.
You don't owe me anything.
Bob wasn't always Budge's chauffeur.
He used to be his accountant.
Four years ago, I was very ill,
and I needed very expensive medical care.
Much more than we could afford.
Bob went to his uncle for help.
He didn't tell you Horton Budge
was his uncle, did he?
No.
Budge refused to help.
So, Bob helped himself.
Well, in his heart and mind,
he thought of it as a loan.
But to be quite truthful,
embezzled is the legal term.
And Budge found the
shortage in the books.
Budge realized that it didn't
make sense to send Bob to jail.
So he made a deal with him.
He rehired him as his chauffer.
And now he deducts a major part of his
salary, plus interest, until the debt's paid.
That doesn't explain why
I couldn't drive for Bob tonight.
That's punishment for what Bob did.
Budge doesn't consider the mere repayment
of the loan makes up for the crime.
He keeps Bob on call constantly,
whether he's going to be needed or not.
In spite of how he acted tonight,
he appreciated your offer you know.
Well, it's way past dinner time
and I haven't got anything started.
You and the kids must be starving.
"'Before I draw nearer to that stone
to which you point', said Scrooge..."
"'answer me one question."
"Are these the shadows
of the things that will be...
"or are they the shadows
of things that May be, only?"'
"Still the ghost pointed downward
to the grave by which it stood."
Whose grave is it, really?
It's Ebenezer Scrooge's own grave.
But how could he look at his own grave?
Because he's not really dead, silly.
Is he just dreaming?
It's not really a dream, either.
The ghost is just showing him what can
happen if he doesn't live a better life.
Come on down.
Your mom has dinner ready.
Are you sure you're all right, sir?
Certainly. Certainly, I'm all right.
Just help me up the stairs.
I'll take some more of my medicine
and... and I'll be fine.
I don't know how to thank you,
Mrs. Crandall.
We thank you.
I can't remember when
I've seen the children...
take to anyone the way
they have to you.
But kids, now it's time that
you started taking your baths...
and getting ready for bed.
Why?
Well, you wanna look nice
for Santa Claus, don't you?
It's alright. He won't come.
Of course he will.
Santa Claus comes to
every house, every year.
Not to our house, he doesn't.
Well, this year, it's going to
be a little different.
You really think so?!
I just want to pull his beard.
Maybe he'll let you do that.
Yes, I think Santa Claus is
going to visit you all this year.
You mean the Santa
outside the store?
The guy who collects money
for poor people?
He's not really Santa Claus.
He's old Mr. Webley.
He's the janitor at our school.
No. I have a hunch the real
Santa Claus is going to show up.
And now, if you'll excuse me,
I better be getting back to the plant.
The crew will be starting up by now.
Why don't you wait until Bob
gets back and he can drive you.
Its a lovely night for a walk.
A walk!? It's over three miles!
Well, after a dinner like that,
I need the exercise.
Alright, kids. Off to take your baths.
KIDS: Aw!
Come on.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BELL RINGING)
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, sir.
Are you Mr. Webley?
For the other 364 days
of the year, yes.
I guess tonight's your last night, huh?
That's right.
How much you figure you'll take in
between now and closing time?
Well, if I'm lucky... lucky,
I can pick up another eight or ten dollars.
Why?
Well, I'd like to rent your
suit for the evening.
Would $25 cover it?
25... That'll buy it until next Christmas!
Tell you what. I gotta buy some presents.
I'll meet you inside.
Right.
Figure out what caused
the malfunctions?
I can't even figure out
how you got the door off.
Probably substandard metal.
It seemed to bend pretty easy.
That's what I thought.
But the material's within the
tolerance set in the job contract.
Well within?
Just barely.
Charlie?
I want a complete copy
of the specifications laid out...
for the materials that
went into this project.
And I want a sample of
each one of those materials.
Sure, Colonel Austin.
Anything else?
The most accurate mechanical and
electronic testing equipment you have....
and a place to work.
You got it!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Find the trouble?
Substandard material?
None.
All the materials meets
the standards, just barely.
If one or even several of
the components had been built...
to the lower level of the specifications,
there wouldn't have been a problem.
But Budge used the lowest allowable
standards on every single component.
That's old man Budge's operation.
He never tries to get away with
anything below contractual specs.
He's honest, but greedy.
His honest greediness
almost killed a man today.
Where is he?
He went home.
He wasn't feeling too well.
He's going to be
feeling a lot worse.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Steve. What're you doing here?
I've got to talk to Budge.
I just helped him get to bed.
I'm worried about him.
Yeah, so am I.
He looks pretty sick to me.
He lives alone.
I didn't want to leave him...
but, well, he sent me out
to get his prescription refilled.
That's alright. You go ahead.
I'll look after him.
I gotta talk to him anyway.
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
(CAR STARTS)
Alright! Alright! I'm coming!
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Help me!
BUDGE: Help me, someone!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Help me!
Help me, someone!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BUDGE MOANS)
Do either of you know
if he took all of his medicine?
He's been taking it all day.
He drank the last of it just
before he became really ill.
He just sent me out for a refill.
(SIGHS)
No more than a teaspoon a day,
I told him.
You know, there's some patients who think
that if a little is good, more is better.
Is that what's wrong with him?
Well, from the symptoms, the delirium
and hallucination...
I'd say that's his problem.
He keeps raving about falling
off that railing down below.
Just before you came, he was mumbling
something about being dead.
He's still talking like that.
He claims that when he fell...
he landed straight in the arms
of the angel of death.
Is he going to be all right?
He's going to hallucinate
pretty badly for the next three hours.
The over-dose was bad enough.
Unfortunately, the antidote that I've
given him also contains a sedative.
Can you stay with him?
No. Holidays are
a pretty busy time for me.
People have a knack
for getting into trouble.
I have to get back to the hospital.
What do you want us to do?
Basically, I want keep him from
falling asleep for the next three hours.
He might go into a coma if he does.
Here's where I'll be.
After about ten minutes when
the antidote takes hold...
Then you can let him sleep.
Good night.
Good night.
(BUDGE MOANS)
Oh, why did I have to die?
I wasn't really bad.
(BUDGE MOANS)
Oh, I never cheated.
I never stole, I never lied.
Just an edge. An honest edge.
That's all I ever took.
You can go, Steve.
He's my boss, my uncle,
and my problem.
I'll stay with him.
No, no. I want you to spend
Christmas Eve with your family.
Besides, I got an idea.
First I gotta make a phone call,
couple other things to do.
Just give me five minutes.
(BUDGE MOANS)
I never really hurt anyone.
Never really helped anyone, either.
Huh? Huh?
(PHONE RINGS)
Yes, Steve?
Oscar, I think I found the problem.
Sabotage?
No.
OSCAR: Good.
Not so good. There may not be
anything we can do about it.
What do you mean?
Budge is cutting down on the specs,
but all within his legal contract limits.
Well, how can that happen, Steve?
The contract was
drawn up a bit too soft.
I guess no one expected that every single
spec would be shaved to the lower limit.
Can we close him down, pay him off,
and start over with another company?
Not really. We're three months into this
contract and we're running out of time.
Alright then, hang on,
I'll see what I can do.
Do you need any help?
I think I have help.
I ran into an old friend named Dickens.
He seems to have some bright ideas.
Dickens?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
How's he doing?
Could you give me a hand, Steve?
The doctor said he should be
on his feet, in ten minutes.
Hey... what's all this about?
I was going to play Santa
to your children.
But I think Budge here
needs it even more.
(BUDGE MOANS)
Bob, why don't you go on home?
I can handle it from here on.
Well thanks, Steve.
And Merry Christmas.
Oh. Bah Humbug.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
I hate to do this, Mr. Budge...
but the doctor said is was
important for you to stay awake.
(MOANING)
You're trying to trick me.
There's no Santa Claus.
What?
There's no final date.
It's blank.
Am I dreaming?
Tell me, please,
is this a warning?
Do I get another chance, or...
Or am I really dead?
(CAROLERS SING)
J‘ Oh, come all ye faithful J‘
J‘ Joyful and triumphant J‘
J‘ Oh come, ye, oh come, ye J‘
J‘ to Bethlehem J‘
J‘ Come and behold him J‘
J‘ Born the king of angels J‘
J‘ Oh come let us adore him J‘
J‘ Oh come let us adore him J‘
J‘ Oh come let us adore him J‘
J‘ Christ the lord J‘
(CAROLERS CONTINUE)
It is pretty, isn't it?
Where are we going now?
BOB: I'm worried about him,
Nora, I really am.
NORA: About him? You think
he's worth worrying about?
The doctor said I shouldn't
leave him alone.
You didn't leave him alone.
Steve's with him.
Steve is a stranger.
We're family.
He doesn't seem
to remember that.
But he was sick.
BOB: Very sick.
When I was sick,
did he worry about me?
I didn't realize how sick she was.
Believe me. I would have helped.
I always thought women made
too much of every little ache.
Do you really wish him ill?
No.
I think I pity him.
Whatever small meanness he possesses,
seems to carry its own punishment.
He's a lonely, unhappy man.
And tonight of all nights,
we should wish him well.
You see? They carry me no grudge.
They wish me well!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
BOB JR.: Why did Uncle Steve go away?
ELSIE: He had to go to work.
Does he work at night?
I think he was working
in Uncle Horton's factory.
Is Uncle Steve coming back
for Christmas tomorrow?
Maybe not.
He's not our real uncle
anyway, you know.
But he bought us presents.
Uncle Horton is our uncle,
and he never buys us presents.
That doesn't matter.
Sometimes someone loves you,
and they just don't buy presents.
But he never comes
to see us, either.
Does Uncle Horton love us?
Of course he does, Cissy.
He's our uncle, isn't he?
And we love him, don't we?
Oh, little Elsie, I do love you.
I love you all.
And if this is a dream...
and if I do ever wake up...
I'll show you.
Please, God, let it be a dream.
(MOANING)
Why did I have to die?
BUDGE: Why couldn't I have
had one more chance? Oh...
(MOANING)
Colonel Austin?
What are you doing here?
You were sick last night.
The doctor said you
weren't to be left alone.
Oh, I'll say I was sick.
Do you know that I dreamt...
Huh. I dreamt that I died?
At least... at least I think
it was a dream.
Yes, yes, a dream.
A silly dream.
Well, it was good of you
to sit up with me all night.
I had nowhere to go, anyway.
By the way, Merry Christmas.
That's right, today is Christmas, isn't it?
No matter.
There's a lot of work
to be done today.
We'd best be getting
down to the plant.
Mr. Budge, did you ever think
about spending Christmas...
with your family, instead of working?
Family? I have no family.
What about Crandall, your chauffeur.
I thought he was related to you.
Distantly.
Your sister's son?
I would say that's pretty close.
And those three lovely
children of his.
Sentimental nonsense,
Colonel Austin.
One does not either like or associate
with people because of an accident of birth.
One should be able to choose
the people with one...
(CAROLERS SING)
J‘ Oh, come all ye faithful J‘
NORA (VO): When I was sick,
did he worry about me?
BOB (VO): Oh now, Nora.
Do you really wish him ill?
CISSY(VO): Does Uncle Horton love us?
ELSIE (VO): Of course he does, Cissy.
BUDGE (VO): Please, God,
let it be a dream.
STEVE: Mr. Budge?
Yes?
Anything wrong, Mr. Budge?
Colonel Austin,
we have a lot of work to do.
First, I have to call the hospital.
About Fred? The man who
was hurt during the test?
Through no fault of mine.
I called.
The doctor said he's going
to need a lot of special treatment.
Good! We'll get right over there...
and see that he gets everything
he needs for a speedy recovery.
And then we'll go to the plant?
Have you no Christmas spirit, sir?
First, we call the plant, shut them down,
and send everyone home.
Then I have quite a bit
of shopping to do.
What's this all about, Mr. Budge?
I think, Colonel Austin,
I've been given another chance.
(FAMILY CHATTER)
BOB: Hello, Cissy.
How are you, Cissy?
What's your name?
Cissy.
That's right.
(SLEIGH BELLS)
(KNOCKING)
I'll get it.
(SLEIGH BELLS STOP)
Thanks for lending me the suit,
but I feel ridiculous.
You look great.
Well, what do I do now?
Just "Ho, ho, he" and all that.
You sure kids today go for this?
I'll check.
Kids, we have a choice to make.
Of all the people who have
never come visit you...
who would you like
to see this very minute?
Uncle Budge? Or Santa Claus?
ALL: Santa Claus!
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry, merry, merry Christmas.
Oh, boy!
Oh!
Oh, wait, wait, I...
I almost forgot.
Something for Momma and Poppa.
Don't even bother to open it.
Just tear it up...
It's that kind of present!
(INTERCOM BUZZES)
Yes?
Colonel Austin to see you, sir.
Send him in.
Hello, Steve.
Welcome home.
Good trip?
I know it was successful.
Oh, it was excellent.
Once I straightened Budge out...
he even had his private jet
fly me home to Ojai.
I got a call from a man named Crandall.
He's Budge's new accountant.
He said since you upgraded the specs...
they're gonna lose money
on that contract.
With what he'll save on medicine,
he'll break even.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
There you are, Oscar.
Good as new.
Well.
By the way, I don't remember getting
a Christmas present from you.
You know, that's right.
But I thought about it a lot.
Yeah well, it's the thought
that counts, Oscar.
Merry Christmas.
Thanks, Oscar.
(END THEME MUSIC)